#the weather is nice and maybe I'll either write/draw for a bit or get out and walk for a bit

[steelthroat]

You know when people on the internet say that you have to be careful about the way you talk even when putting yourself down because you could put someone else down and stuff?

I finally get it it makes sense.

I have this friend, they have many issues, and incredibly low self esteem. But they're conventionally attractive, smoothest skin one could possibly have, skinny, nice hair and many other features that are generally complimented.

And I know that this doesn't stop someone from hating themselves and their body, I am incredibly aware of this.

But also if this person comes to me and says "omg my skin is absolutely horrible, I hate it look I have a pimple" or "I am so big I hate my body" or "my hair sucks, it's so messy" than how do you expect me to feel?

My skin is not smooth nor clear, far from it, I am slightly heavier than my friend, my hair is messy and curly and kind of unkept to be honest. How do you expect me to believe this friend when they hug me and say "you're so beautiful, and pretty and I love you"?

"No, you don't think that"

Obviously I don't believe them. I don't believe they find me beautiful, the things they hate so much about themselves, that they described as disgusting... well I also have them.

I hate the fact that they openly insult themselves like that desperately seeking for me or anyone else to say "no it's not true you're beautiful". And I understand it okay? I understand their issues and their need for validation and stuff. I've been through that when I was 12, it sucks.

And it's ironic that they say "I just don't believe when people give ne compliments" okay, neither do I believe when YOU give me compliments lol. Because I can believe anyone else, but not you.

I believe I can be pretty to myself or any other person in this world, but not for you.

Because I don't hate myself anymore, I've spent years fighting myself and now that I've finally started liking myself and my body and I finally know what I aspire to be it won't be something like this to set me back. I don't have the same goals as them, I don't feel the need to change the things they hate so much about themselves because I don't care about them on myself anymore. But God, would this shit have thrown 11/12 years old me in one hell of a loop.

I just don't believe this friend is being genuine, I just really dislike the fact that they don't see any problem in scraping the bottom of the barrel fishing desperately for compliments while putting others down even if unknowingly.

Sometimes I don't even think they're doing it unknowingly, I think they feel miserable and hope that just a bit of that feeling will spill onto someone else, just not to feel so lonely in their misery.

And I pity that.

I genuinely care for this friend and won't stop being there for them or giving them compliments for that matter, at least one of us has to be genuine, I just wish it could be them for once. I just wish they didn't compare myself to me and made me feel weary of being a little bit too happy about my own accomplishments. Because no matter how much they say "I'm so happy for you! I'm so proud of you" I can feel almost pure hatred behind those words, even if it's for just a second.

[rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me]

Hey dillo! I’m so sorry if this inconveniences you or anything but I accidentally sent in an ask for your round up event trying to swipe up on a notification 😭 (it was the one where the person said they hated being micro managed), so if you could answer this one instead that would be great. I’m gonna try to recreate it as best as I can.

🪕 - 🅡🅘🅓🅘🅝🅖 - ships, tell me a little about yourself (personality, general description, likes/dislikes, gender preference) and i'll ship you with somebody from the outsiders!

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Personality- I’m kinda quiet depending on who I’m with, like if I’m with one of my irl friends who I’m close with you can’t get me to shut my mouth but the second I’m around someone I don’t like or don’t know you can’t get a word out of me.

I struggle with social anxiety and anxiety general, and I don’t take medication for it even though I probably should look into getting some to help with my anxiety. My anxiety can be a little weird as well. For example if I go to a sit down restaurant I can order what I want with no problems at all, but then other times the second I see the waiter/waitress my anxiety skyrockets.

I also have random moments were I feel really overwhelmed and like things are going awry and I’ll get frustrated really easily and admittedly have a bit of an attitude, but then other times I’ll be feeling myself even if I look crappy at the time. I can also get frustrated and anxious really easily if someone is micro managing me. I literally HATE being micro managed SO MUCH.

I also can be really easily entertained, and can sometimes getting distracted and off topic easily, as well as get bored of something very easily which causes me to switch interests quite frequently sometimes depending on the topic and how interested in it I am.

General description- I’d say I’m little over average height but not by much since I’m 5’5 (if I remember correctly I think I looked up what the average height for women is in America one time and the answer was something along the lines of 5’4).

I have kinda have medium-ish length hair, my hair is brown and it goes to my shoulder maybe a little bit past my shoulders, but I usually keep it back in a bun.

I’m not the tannest either since I don’t go places very much. I’m a bit of a homebody, I’d prefer to stay home and relax then go out and go somewhere fancy and what not. I do enjoy going on walks though, I could literally walk around town for hours and not get bored as long as the weather is nice and it doesn’t start raining half way through my walk or my legs don’t start hurting from how much walking I’ve done.

I’m also not the skinniest, I’m about 142-142.2 Lb. when if I haven’t eaten yet and about 145-145.8 Lb. depending on what I’ve eaten and how much I’ve eaten.

Likes- Some things that I like would probably include reading, and drawing even though I don’t really draw or read that much cuz I either struggle to find inspiration to draw and I’m also kinda picky with the stuff that I’ll read.

I also like to write, but like with drawing, I often struggle to find inspiration or motivation to write, and when I do write I’m very critical of my work which causes me to abandon whatever I’ve written half way through (sometimes not even half way through).

I also really like to watch movies too and have a ton of favorites.

Dislikes- Some things that I don’t like would probably be having to touch anything that’s dirty depending on what it is because I’m a bit of germaphobe. For example I could handle my dirty laundry with no problems but when it comes to touching someone else’s dirty clothes I stall so bad it’s ridiculous.

Another thing that I hate is certain textures, especially things that feels soggy, slimy, or anything like that I hate it so much.

I also have a mild case if trypophobia, so anything with clusters of holes I don’t necessarily hate depending on the image someone shows me, but if someone shows me something like a hand or any part of the human body with holes in it I feel very out of place and like I wanna bleach my eyes.

Another thing I really hate is arguing and yelling, I get super anxious when I hear people yelling or someone arguing with another person, or when someone yells at me I can get really anxious.

I also really hate having anxiety because it’s one of my life’s biggest inconveniences, and sometimes my anxiety can get so bad at times that I literally can’t eat no matter how hungry I am.

Gender preference- I don’t really have a gender preference when it comes to dating someone else. As long as they like me and I like them and things work out between us then cool, I’m happy with the relationship, and if things don’t work out then at least it was worth a shot to try dating but unfortunately things work and that’s fine.

When it comes to how someone refers to me, I don’t really care although I would prefer either she/her or she/they.

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Sorry if this was confusing I tried to make it not be confusing as best as I could so I hope succeeded in not making it confusing. Also could I be referred to as 🍒 anon if that okay? Anyway I hope you have a good day/night!

I've got you covered, don't worry! And totally! That emoji is all yours now :D Sodapop for the ship! I think he'd help you work through some of that social anxiety and overwhelmedness, he's sort of outgoing so you can use him as a buffer for the social situations- he'd probably try and yank your hair from the bun, just cause he likes seeing it down, and he hates when people yell too, so you don't have to worry about big, shouting fights-

[zu-is-here]

Hi Zu!

When it's raining and you need to go outside, do you get an umbrella, wear a raincoat, cover your head with a hood, or maybe something else?

What a lovely response! Good for you 🌻

Hmm, the last thing that made me happy... The aesthetics of my beloved's characters made by her, I think. They are always so pretty; I truly admire her ability to find the right images and make them look good together. Really fits her characters, too. Every time she makes those I'm filled with joy and delight ✨

Yeah, I agree. And respect Cross and Dream’s strength to move forward and even try to take responsibility for another — new — life. After overcoming so much, it's no wonder they are up to the task. I certainly believe in them! Besides, they keep learning, getting better, and helping each other. It's very important in parenthood, I think. Then it is for the best.

Yeah, it does sound funnier in Russian (x But anyway, please, do respond whenever and however you'd like, it's all fine by me!

I wish it were so simple. It's me who decides what words to choose, what to highlight and what to put aside; I'm sure you have an idea how complicated all of that is. There are books and articles about writing, but that doesn't help in the slightest. I try to learn yet don't see any changes in my works. Пишу как пишется. Which doesn't feel like I'm the one in control, and that in turn causes imposter syndrome. It's a vicious circle, honestly.

What an interesting parallel! I've never thought about that one. It's... partially true as well. Only partially though, since the story of my nickname indeed has a good ending — was supposed to have it from the very beginning.

Well, a word warmly said gives comfort even to a cat, right? It's only natural that I try to use any and every opportunity to remind people I hold dear to my heart how appreciated they are 💞 Please, remember that whatever compliments I say, they hold weight, they are well-deserved. I'm not keen on empty words, after all. So thank you for being here, the way you are, spreading positivity and doing your best 💜

What can I say? Your preference has already brought an incredible story to this world, so beautiful art, and so much more is yet to come! UTMV fandom is lucky to have you. And, well, everybody's cup of tea is different, and might as well change with time! So if you feel better creating fan-works only, that's just as amazing as any other option. The most important thing is that it's yours, you are comfortable with it. As for me, over the years my main original story has gotten so huge and serious it's impossible to feel lonely with it (x So many fates, so much to learn and figure out!

Thank you so much for your encouragement! Actually, balancing between canon and what I have in mind is my favourite part of writing fanfiction, no matter how nervous it makes me feel. Drawing parallels, sometimes even using canon event in context so different it changes everything. Like with Nightmare's gang. By the way, another thing that made me quite happy recently: I finally managed to work on the first chapter of X-tra Dark Cream a bit! It's not much yet, but progress is progress.

You keep up the great work and take care, too! Good luck with your diploma!

Hi anfie╰(*´︶`*)╯Thank you for this message!

It's pretty risky to open an umbrella in this city of winds heh so I'll either cover my head with the hood... or just surrender (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵) By the way, what weather do you prefer?

Awww it's so nice and sweet of you to enjoy the aesthetic made by her and support her! <3 As for the writing, I hope this won't prevent you from creating more, even without being the one in control and improvementing, so you'll be able to just express everything what's in your head and your soul ☆

And thank you very, very much (ㅅ´ ˘ `) I'm so happy to have you in my life and I'm really grateful to you personally, for all your support I appreciate a lot, as well as for you just being yourself ♡

Ah that's fair enough! Also, could you please tell me more about your original story? *^*

Oh that's some great news about X-tra Dark Cream! Slowly but surely, as they say (๑>◡<๑) Again, take your time and keep up the good work!

Many thanks! And take care *hugsss* ♡

[deidaratheartboi]

Hidan Kakuzu Story PT1

Yeah been awhile sorrryyy and I'll try to write on Wattpad no promises school is coming up for me so ya know. Anyways enjoy! Edit: Also I don't know much about Naruto and stuff so bare with me lol. ------------------------------------------------- 3rd/1st POV? Hidan and Kakuzu's footsteps could be heard as they trudged through an empty alley of Yugakure. The weather was fairly humid as expected much to Hidan's dislike. So your probably asking why they are in the peaceful, quiet, beautiful village? Well Pain sent them there because one of their main informants were there kind of ironic since the village was known for it's pacifism. The informant was suppose to meet with them at some sort of diner an odd meeting place indeed, but no one would suspect it. The place was called "Leo's Diner" and it was more then just a salon it was also the hotspot for black market deals, gambling, and other illegal activities. Who would have thought such a great village would have a bad side? Of course in order to even get in on all of this you have to have a password; such a cliché. They had arrived at a magenta colored door and a shabby looking window with a sign in it that said "Opened". Kakuzu and Hidan walked in and looked around. Yup this was the place lots of shady character were already here. Kakuzu walked up to the bar and Hidan sat at a neary table. Kakuzu POV It looked shabby on the outside but, the inside was pretty nice. Marble floors, really expensive chairs, and a full liquor bar (Graystillplays moment). The smell of things being fried filled the air along with the sweet smell of cheesecake. I might just eat here but, today is not that day. I have a mission and I can't not lose sight of it. I motioned a waiter over towards him. He looked a bit old probably in his sixties he seems a bit rich too he had several rings on one finger. The man looked at me with an uninterested look on his face. "What can I get you?" "A large milkshake for two with a regular burger and fries on the side." The old man scoffed. "Any desserts? "Two regular cheesecake and one triple chocolate cake." The old man nodded and told me to wait until everyone was gone. I walked over to Kakuzu and told him the news and of course he didn't like it. "Your telling me we have to wait here until everyone is gone and we don't even get food?" I didn't feel like responding to him and just let him throw a tantrum, until people started staring then I sent him a withering glare. He had shut up but, continued to grumble and curse under hos breath. I just couldn't understand him sometimes we have a mission to complete and limited time to do it drawing attention to ourselves wasn't helping either. I sighed I just wanted to go to bed. Minutes turned into hours as I let myself fall into a deep sleep but, I was awoken by a smash. My eyes instantly opened and I was enclosed by chaos and of course Hidan was the center of it. Chair were thrown, drinks were spilled and people were tossing each other around like ragdolls Hidan being one of them. I don't know if I should do anything or not but, if I don't our chances of getting our hands on the informant were slim. Just my luck. Hidan POV Great Kakuzu has gone to sleep and almost everyone was gone except a few guys. Man this sucked I mean I could wake him up but, who needs him anyway. I was bored and tired so I did the only thing that would help me. I decided to mess with people I took a straw and some napkins and spit out spit balls. (That sentence-). I hit like four guys new record but, they didn't seem to see it that way. Next thing I knew I was being smashed onto the table and thrown around like rock. I looked over to where Kakuzu was and to my luck he was awake but, not too happy. Kakuzu just sat there he looked like he was thinking. But, about what?? Oh yeah sure let me just think right quick as my partner is being thrown around! Man I hate him. Eventually he got up and helped me long story short everyone was not here we were the only ones. Then we see the waiter dude stomp over to us. Kakuzu and him had gotten into a

yelling match something about "valued customers" and "ruined". Kakuzu then dragged me out of the diner. "Well at least everyone is gone?" I tried to lighten the mood a bit but, that just made him even more pissed. "What the hell did you do? Now how will we find the informant?" Typical Kakuzu blame it all on me. "We can just go back in and ask the owner right?" Kakuzu rubbed his temple and groaned. "That was Leo. He works their as a waiter sometimes." Wow who would have known? "Well how the heck does making us wait for hours make any sense just to meet someone?" Kakuzu just stared at me as if I was dumb. "The informant was in the back room and because people were their Leo had to wait to let us in or people would become suspicious. If you don't know our informant has access to lots of information and is pretty famous in the underworld people sit at the diner everyday just waiting for an appointment but, few get it. We were the few but, now you fucked that up beyond repair." Ohhhh hm maybe I shouldn't have threw those balls. Kakuzu POV I never felt so angry in my life but, that's what I get for taking my eye off Hidan so it's my fault. Then in front of me I see boss and his projection body. (Idk how to explain it Ik it's shinenha but, I can't explain how it works sum like that). "Have you found the informant yet?" Do I play it off? Tell him? Well either way he was gonna see through it might as well shoot for the truth. I told him what happened and Hidan beside me nervously laughed. The boss simply nodded and said "Well lucky for you the informant is at another site a saloon s called "Yui's Nails And Hair." And this time don't mess it up it is vital we get the info we need." "Wait so where is it?" Hidan says. "It's nearby let's just hope they haven't heard of your little incident. You can't miss it." The boss then hung up. I just wanted to sleep in today. Hidan was already off and I followed behind not in much of a mood and it only got worse once he started talking. This was going to be a long walk. Hidan POV Finally, a chance to prove to Kakuzu and the rest of the Akatsuki I am not a failure. I spot the neon sign a few feet away "Yui's Nails And Hair". Hah take that Kakuzu. I ran up to the door and waited for Kakuzu to catch up. When he did I knocked on the door and a very pretty lady answered she looked young around her twenties. "What can I do for you boys?" But, she wasn't looking at me at all she was staring at Kakuzu. Creep. Kakuzu stepped forward and pushed me aside. I would have been mad but, he as better with people then me surprisingly. "We're here to see The Phoenix". She smirked and nodded. "Right this way boys." She led us through the saloon filled with people. It seemed like everyone and their mom was their. Some gawked at us, some looked disgusted, some even sent flirtatious glances our way or maybe it was Kakuzu's. We went into a back room and she pulled one of the tables aside and pulling a lever revealing a staircase going downward. Coooooool. Kakuzu POV This place reeked of crime and so did this woman. Especially this woman everyone seemed to be afraid. I don't know if Hidan noticed but, everyone seemed to ignore her gaze. That also could just be me being paranoid. As we descended down the stairs it became more apparent we were far from anyone else. No one could here if we screamed or were in trouble but, I doubt they cared. She opened a door and it led us into a small but, nicely decorated room. "I'll go get him". She sashays into another room. Minutes later she emerged but, she looked way different. "I heard you wanted to see me?" I stood there a bit shocked and surprised not because she turned out to be who we were looking for but, I knew her. ------------------------------------------------ Ok