#thearchibaldasparagus

[thecharliepincher]

"You’ve heard of bees?" (from archie)

"Eat 'em for breakfast every morning. Why?"

[divorced-loveyasparagus]

‘ if we loved again, i swear i’d love you right. ’ (from archie)

It was instinctive, purely, when the first word from Lovey's lips was a familiar, beleaguered, "Darling," and as soon as it had escaped, she corrected herself. "Archibald, I... I do love you, but... you don't... you don't know who I am now. Who I've become... what I've done. I can't possibly see how you would... no. You wouldn't be safe. Not now. Too much has changed, Archibald."

[bartlebey]

‘ you’ll add my name to your long list of traitors who don’t understand. ’ (from archie)

"I don't see you as my enemy, Archibald. I hardly knew you. Your brother, yes, him I knew. What makes you think I would consider you a traitor?"

[junior-asparagus]

“ you know i make those cookies you like . ” (from archie, main verse)

"Keep talkin' oldie..." Junior eyed the older asparagus, wondering if milk would also be on the table, both figuratively and literally.

[tom-grape]

“W- What are you doing?” (to Thomas from Arthur)

Thomas metaphorically chewed thoughtfully on this question, as if it held great importance. Then, he responded to the asparagus in a strangely not-Victorian southern accent, "I'm tippin' cows, what's it look like I'm doin'?" Sarcasm dripped from his words as he motioned to the motorized vehicle which he had been dutifully fixing the gears on. "What, you wanna give 'er a test run? Take 'er for a spin?"

[scooterthescottishcarrot]

Are you that fella Archibald cheated on his wife with?

"Nae, I did not have relations with that asinine asparagus! Yer thinkin' of that redheaded rhubarb ruffian, the one who went to Yale. Leave me out of the soap opera, thank ye muchly."

[kilt-bagpipe-rhubarb]

"Och, it's been a fuck o' a night. Anyone seen m’ Yale sweatshirt? These scars dinnae look tidy, that's fer sure. Walked all th'way from Scotlandtown just to get chibbed! Aye, 'm scunnered. Anyone seen @thearchibaldasparagus? Sure that numpty could answer a Q or two."

[divorced-loveyasparagus]

“ i want to let you unwrap me . ” (to lizzie from arthur)

"Arthur, darling, I love when you speak to me this way, but... I'm not in the mood, dearest. I've got too much on my mind right now."

[bartlebey]

"what are you doing?" (from arthur hollingshead)

"I... I am... bartle...butlering." Bartlebey said awkwardly, eyeing the asparagus cautiously. "Not... bartle...snooping. Butlers don't... wait, aren't you the newspaper guy?"

[divorced-loveyasparagus]

“ i want to be a monster too. “ (from your beloved arthur)

Lizzie smirked. "Darling, you're simply monstrous, but your strengths lie distinctly in remaining subtle about it."

[divorced-loveyasparagus]

“I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.” (to Lizzie from Arthur)

"Oh, dear," Lizzie sighed, shaking her head. "I told you, that's why we should've hired some help. We certainly have the finances, don't we? This isn't the first time you've gotten stuck in a duvet. It's the arms, dear, and I don't blame you, but we could hire someone with arms. Here, let me help you."

[divorced-loveyasparagus]

❛ i know that you hate this place. ❜ (from archie)

Lovey glanced at Archibald, surprised by this admission. "Well, then, why did you take me here? If you know I don't like it."

[divorced-loveyasparagus]

"i'm guessing you have some questions." -from archibald hee hee hee

Lovey was already wishing she had her gun with her. She had gotten sloppy. Felt too comfortable, too safe. She should've known her nightmares would follow her into the waking world.

"Archibald," she said coldly, letting her eyes take in the asparagus's form, eyeing him for signs of decay, for signs of the scars at least. "The only question I could possibly have for you is why the fuck you came back."