#their canonical marriage meant everything to me <33

[sleepyy-dakota]

🌊✨

[fullmetalscullyy]

the way it was - chapter 33

summary: what if riza never went to war? riza hawkeye has just married the man she loves. six months into their marriage, an unexpected surprise stops her from following roy to the military. a canon divergence au that explores what might have happened had riza been unable to join the military. there will be plenty of family fluff, angst, and royai.

rated: m | warnings: no archive warning apply

read on ao3

1914

i hear babies cry, i watch them grow

they'll learn much more than i'll never know

and i think to myself

what a wonderful world

There was nothing Roy wanted more than to collapse into his soft, warm bed, with his wife in his arms, and sleep his troubles away. His footsteps were heavy as he climbed the steps, his fatigued muscles quivering as if he was climbing up a mountain, rather than a staircase. He couldn’t wait to shut off his mind and stop thinking about the military and his grand plans and contingency plans for a couple of hours. It would be bliss.

It was his nightly ritual to stop outside Mia’s bedroom door and take a peek inside. The massive hulking bear she’d received for her birthday startled him, just like it did every time he poked his head into the room at night. Mia was sound asleep, cuddled into Mr. Brown the Bear. Her face was half hidden in his worn fur as Roy watched on, waiting to confirm that her chest was rising and falling with her breath. Once satisfied she was breathing normally he closed the door behind him.

He was silent stepping into his own bedroom. The creaking hinge did not betray him and Roy moved smoothly as he crept inside. Roy took quiet and careful steps into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Adrenaline on high, he let out a breath of relief after his successful voyage past the two sleeping forms.

Maes was a little terror. He slept for most of the day and woke up to fuss through the night. He gurgled for food but hardly took any when Riza offered. Having a clingy baby was wearing on them both. Whenever Riza got up through the night, Roy did too. They both woke to Maes’ single anguished cry at the same time, Riza up and out the bed before him to see what their son needed. The boy was completely nocturnal and was slowly turning his mother that way too. They’d quickly learned that she had to sleep when he did in order for Riza to get some kind of rest, but even then, Maes slept an hour and was up, slept three then woke for another feed. It was exhausting.

Roy had suggested the idea of moving Maes onto bottled milk so he could at least help out a little. That hadn’t gone down well at first. Riza was adamant and insisted they didn’t need it yet. However, she was wearing thin. Getting no restful sleep and shouldering all of the responsibility of Maes on her shoulders was getting to her. It was clear as day. Roy felt guilty. It had only been a week or so after Mia was born that he returned from Ishval. In the beginning, Riza was probably used to being the only one who looked after their new-born. But he was here now, and wanted to extend his help. Pushing too much would cause an argument, however, and that would just pile on more stress for Riza. Roy didn’t want that. He was struggling, seeing symptoms of postnatal depression settling in, but unable to help or ease her pain.

Stepping out into the bedroom, Roy noticed Riza was turned towards him. Her hair had been tied up in a bun to keep it out of the way, but now stuck out all over the place as it rubbed over her pillow in her sleep. Roy wondered if her stress throughout the day had anything to do with that too. Dark circles were present underneath her eyes, one hidden from view because it was buried into her pillow. She looked exhausted even when she was asleep.

Sliding in beside her, Roy stared down at his wife. A strand of hair had fallen against her cheek. Noticing how greasy it looked, Roy pushed it gently aside and vowed that tomorrow he would pry Maes from her as soon as he could, leaving her free to go and have a long, relaxing bath. It was his day off so he was going to bond with his son. A smile spread across his face. Roy couldn’t wait.

Peeking over Riza’s shoulder, Roy checked on Maes. He was sound asleep as he lay on his back. One arm was up by his head, his tiny fingers clenched into a tight fist. His little legs kicked out in his swaddle and he let out a small noise. Roy froze.

Don’t you dare wake up, kid, he warned inside his head. Holding his breath, Roy waited, but Maes settled and was quiet.

His whole body sagged in relief.

But it was short lived. Roy closed his eyes, feeling his exhaustion already carrying him off to sleep, when a sharp cry sounded from the crib.

Riza’s eyes popped open without hesitation and she rolled away from Roy immediately.

“I’ve got it –”

She didn’t even hear Roy speak. Riza continued moving forward to pick up Maes. Her shoulders were drooping, her speech slurred with sleep as she cooed at him gently, practically begging him to calm himself and sleep.

“Riza –”

She started to walk out the room to Maes’ nursery, either oblivious to him or just too tired to focus on anything else.

Stepping in her path was the only thing Roy could think of to get her to listen and notice him. Riza jumped in fright right before she walked into him. Slowly, Roy placed two hands on her shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze to try and bring her back to him.

“I’ll take Maes,” he offered quietly.

“But –”

“Riza, please. Let me see to him. You can go back to sleep.”

“If he’s hungry –”

“I will come back and get you I promise,” Roy vowed, soothing her. “But you’re tired. I can go and find out what he needs.”

Maes was handed off to him as Riza trudged back to bed still looking half asleep. Roy chuckled as she flopped down, cuddling back into her pillow.

“Looks like it's you and me tonight, Maes,” Roy whispered. He placed a kiss upon his son’s forehead as he slipped out the room. The creaking hinge was back and surprised Maes with the sudden noise. Roy felt him jump in his arms.

“Sorry, buddy,” Roy whispered while Maes let out a disgruntled sound.

Stepping into the nursery he could easily make his way around Mia’s old bed without kicking it. They’d stored it there because the nursery was large enough to have a single bed in it as well as everything they needed to care for Maes. Since it had been Mia’s old one, the springs were broken after she’d jumped on it too many times, but it was still a bed. It was still warm and comfortable.

Moonlight bathed the nursery in a silver glow and Roy was half tempted to leave the light off and enjoy the atmosphere, but he needed to see what he was doing. Especially if he was changing Maes. One time he’d forgotten to arrange his nappy properly – “frills on the outside!” Riza always reminded him – and he urinated over Roy, leaking through his nappy. Riza found this hilarious but Roy didn’t mind too much. It was the most he’d heard her laugh since Maes was born.

“You’ve been giving Mummy a bit of a hard time,” Roy cooed, brushing Maes cheek with his finger. “But we still love you very much, Maes. So we’re going to have to work on that a little bit. I need to be better too,” he added, “Mummy always said I slept like a log and not much could wake me through the night but I want to be awake for you.”

Maes was laid down on the changing table. He yawned and blinked his dark eyes awake, staring up at his father. Roy placed both hands on either side of his son, leaning over him so he could marvel at every movement. His hair had looked black when he was first born but it was taking on a lighter tone as the weeks progressed. It was starting to look brown and Roy hoped it would continue on that trend or turn blonde. It almost matched the colour of his eyes. They were a deep chocolate shade, taking more after his mother than him. Roy grinned down at him.

Maes blinked once before his head cocked to the side. As time dragged on, Maes’ face scrunched up in discomfort.

“Okay, Maes. Let’s see if you need changed.”

He did. Triumphantly, Roy changed his son and eased him into his chest once it was over. Patting his back gently, Roy bounced Maes from side to side and prayed that would calm him enough to get him back to sleep.

Maes did fall asleep. He was sound in Roy’s arms, his tiny head resting against Roy’s shoulder.

“Yes,” Roy celebrated with a quiet laugh.

Pausing at the door, Roy had a thought. He almost returned to his own bedroom when he spied the bed out the corner of his eye again. It would be perfect for the thought that just occurred to him.

Grinning, Roy walked down the stairs to their darkened living room to ease Maes in his portable sleep basket. Having it meant they could transport Maes around the house easily and keep him in the same room as them while he slept. Roy carried it back up to the nursery and placed it by the side of the old bed.

The sheets smelled slightly musty after not being stirred for a long time. Roy wrinkled his nose as he climbed in and made a mental note to change and wash them in the morning.

This way, if Maes woke up again, it would let Riza sleep in peace.

Roy fell asleep with a smile on his face, proud of his idea. He was just so clever.

*          *          *

Dawn light filtered into the room, stirring Roy awake. He’d forgotten to close the curtains during the night, but that was okay. It was still the most rested he’d felt in a long time.

As he settled back into the pillows, opting to try falling back asleep, he heard the door open slowly. Riza peeked inside, her hair piled back up on top of her head, but much neater this time. Her eyes were wide as she searched for them both, expression softening when she and Roy made eye contact.

“Morning,” he whispered, sleep clouding his voice. Clearing his throat, Roy’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Good morning.”

Her voice was bright and cheery. It made him crack his eyes open again to observe her. He hadn’t heard her talk like that in a long time. Getting more sleep last night had been good for her.

The door closed behind Riza quietly and she leaned against the wall beside it to watch Roy wake up. “Did you steal our child away from me?” She was joking, a smile spreading across her face as she crossed her arms, waiting on his answer.

“I did,” Roy admitted, “because you need more sleep.”

“So do you,” she countered lightly. “You’ve been up the same amount as me.”

“Yeah, but you’ve been doing most of the work,” Roy yawned quietly, careful of waking Maes. He’d slept for – Roy craned his neck up to check the clock on the wall – six hours.

“Did he get up again?” Her arms uncrossed as she pushed off the wall and walked towards Maes’ sleep basket.

“No. Six hours,” Roy announced with a chuckle. “That’s some kind of record for him.” Another yawn left Roy as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“I wouldn’t get my hopes up.”

“I’m not, but I can’t help but feel proud of him,” he grinned sleepily.

Riza gazed down at Maes, smiling. When she was looking at him, not much could tear her attention away. Roy could sympathise. Often, when she did stare, Roy would watch her instead. He noted the way her face softened completely with her love. The muscles of her face relaxed and a sigh of content passed over her lips.

The sleepless nights and the fatigue were worth it. It always would be for their children.

“I could stare at him forever,” she murmured quietly, running her fingers gently through Maes hair. It was so long but wispy, holding no real substance to it. Most of the time it stood on end from static, despite their best efforts to smooth it down for the kid. “This was a good idea, though,” Riza nodded towards the bed. For a brief second she wobbled on her legs, catching herself on the edge of the sleep basket.

Roy’s hand extended towards her, palm up, with a silent offering. Riza took it, expecting him to help her stand, but Roy tugged her over to him instead as she laughed quietly. Riza fell into his lap. Her legs hooked over the side of his so her cheek was in front of him. He couldn’t resist placing a kiss upon it.

“How are you feeling?”

“Still tired,” Riza admitted, resting her temple against his forehead gently as they both looked down at Maes. “But, I do feel more rested than I have in weeks.”

“You can go back to bed if you like?”

Her head shook negative. “He’ll want to be fed and Mia –”

“I can keep an eye on them,” Roy interrupted softly. “Go back to bed.”

“I won’t be able to sleep,” she sighed.

“Try it,” he offered casually.

Her head lifted, shooting him a sideways glance. “Is this your plan to get me to rest more?”

“You deserve it,” Roy countered. “You carried Maes for nine months and birthed him. I think it’s time I stepped up to the plate.”

Riza chuckled, patting his cheek. However, her hand lingered, turning his head so they were directly facing one another.

“First you steal my son away from me, and now you’re pushing me away from seeing him?” Her smile was wide, eyes twinkling with amusement and mischief. Oh, how he had missed that look on her. So much.

“Never.” His answer was absolute before he pressed a firm kiss to her lips, looping his arms around her hips to give them a tight squeeze. “I just want you to take care of yourself too,” he reasoned.

“I am,” she assured.

Roy’s eyebrows almost lifted to his hairline, making her huff in mock annoyance.

“It’s not been that bad,” she replied, but grimaced at her poor lie.

“It has been,” Roy corrected.

“Yeah, it has,” she replied glumly. It held a lot more sadness than Roy was expecting, causing concern to flourish slowly inside his heart.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just…” A deep sigh left Riza, her chin dipping as her temple rested back against his forehead once more.

“What?” He squeezed her hips, prompting her to continue.

“I didn’t expect it to be so hard. Mia wasn’t this bad and…” A deep sigh left her. “I guess I feel guilty for thinking about taking a break. They’re my kids and I don’t want to need a break from them.”

“I know.”

“I need sleep. I know I do. But…”

“How about you feed Maes,” Roy offered hesitantly, his brain whirring to try and find a compromise she’d agree to, “while I wake Mia up and get her ready. She’s going to my mother’s today so it will just be the three of us. I can do some bonding with Maes while you go for a nap?”

A tired smile was thrown his way and Roy counted that as a success.

“Thank you,” she breathed. Her eyes closed with relief.

“Anything for you. You know that,” he whispered against her temple, kissing her there. “And anything for them.”

Glancing down, the two parents watched Maes begin to stir.

“He’s so tiny.”

“I know, I can’t believe it,” Riza giggled. “Hard to think Mia was this size too once.”

“That felt like just last year, never mind six years ago.”

Riza nodded, sliding off his lap. She crouched to pick up Maes.

In that moment, Roy had never seen a more endearing sight. Riza pressed her lips to Maes’ forehead. She held him close against her chest, rocking him from side to side.

“What?”

He’d been caught staring, but Roy just grinned. “I’m just thinking about how beautiful you look.”

Riza snorted gently. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

A pleased smile tugged at her lips but Riza fought it. However, it did spread, and she let out a light laugh as she shook her head fondly at him. “You’re biased.”

“Me? Never,” he exclaimed, rising from the bed. Roy’s hand found his son’s head and he pressed a kiss to it. “I’ll hop in the shower then see if Mia is awake.”

“Take your time,” Riza replied distractedly, her full attention back on Maes.

He grinned as he left the room, catching the serenity and love filling her expression as she rocked Maes.

“Morning Daddy,” Mia greeted sleepily.

“Morning, Mia Bear.” Roy perched on the edge of her bed, stooping to press a kiss to her forehead. It made her giggle and squirm away from him. “How do you feel today?”

“A little sleepy but I’m excited!” Her face lit up, her mouth forming a wide smile.

“Yeah? And why is that?” Roy folded down the sheet, giving her a chance to slip out from underneath.

“I get to go and see Grandma today!”

“She’s as excited about it as you are.”

“Really?” Mia latched onto Roy’s hand as they walked towards her wardrobe. It was only five steps or so but she still clung to him.

“She is,” he confirmed. “It’s been a little while since you’ve both gone on a day out together.”

“Yeah… It has.”

Roy was immediately on alert. He picked out the hint of sadness in Mia’s voice and the way she trailed off. He crouched, turning Mia to face him. His eyes narrowed playfully, but his stomach twisted. He’d caught the forlorn look on her face before it turned into a giggle.

“What?” At least her sadness had disappeared, but Roy hadn’t wanted to see it in the first place. He wondered if his suddenly formed hypothesis was correct…

“What was that long face for?” He reached forward and ‘caught’ her nose in between his thumb and forefinger, pretending to wiggle it gently before letting go.

“What long face?” Her reply was so innocent that Roy wondered if he’d imagined it for a second, but there had definitely been something there.

“You sounded and looked sad for a second.”

Mia’s smile fell.

“Is everything all right?”

Mia’s chin tucked into her chest slowly as she looked down at the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Roy prompted her gently as he made himself more comfortable in his crouch. He waited patiently for her answer, giving her all the time she needed.

“It’s nothing. But it has been a little while since we’ve done something cool and fun together.” Her admission was so quiet as she toed at the carpet nervously beneath them.

Mia was feeling left out. The realisation hit Roy like a truck, and he could see why she would feel that way. Maes took all of their attention recently and while they desperately tried to find a balance, it hadn’t been enough. They hadn’t been good enough for her.

His arms opened and Mia stepped into them eagerly. Her small hands clutched at his t-shirt, hanging onto it.

“Mummy and I love you so much, Mia Bear,” Roy promised, giving her a squeeze. “Believe me, we really do. And we’re so sorry you’ve been feeling left out.”

“It’s okay, Daddy.”

She takes after Riza far too much.

“No,” Roy shook his head as he pulled away from her, “it’s not. It’s made you sad and that’s not okay. Maes is only little so he needs a lot more attention from us, okay? He’s a fussy baby,” Roy added with a tired smile, “and keeps us up all night.”

“He does?” Mia’s eyes widened in surprise.

“He does. So we’ve been really tired, but that’s not an excuse. We didn’t mean to make you feel left out.”

“I haven’t heard him at night.”

“Good,” Roy commented, ruffling her fringe. “He doesn’t need to keep you up too.”

Face screwing up in irritation, Mia reached up with two hands to smooth out her fringe while Roy just laughed at her reaction.

“It might take a little while for everything to go back to the way it was before Maes was born, but it will, I promise. He’ll get older and things will get easier. You’ve been a very big girl throughout it all though.” She had. This was the first time he was hearing of any jealousy or her feeling left out compared to her sibling. “And we’re so proud of you. If you feel that way again, can you please tell me or Mummy?”

“I will,” Mia nodded confidently. Her arms were thrown around his neck tightly, almost knocking him over with the force of it. “Thank you, Dad.”

“Any time, Mia Bear. And thank you for being so understanding.”

“Anything for my baby brother,” she grinned happily.

She skipped up to her wardrobe doors, pulling them open wide while Roy rose from his crouch. He felt so proud of how understanding and caring she was, however, they needed to do better by her too.

He’d call his mother while Mia was eating breakfast and ask Chris to spoil his little girl today. Not that that wouldn’t happen already, though, but he’d ask Chris to take her to the toy shop to buy whatever she wanted on him.

[astarsdarkheart]

Opalescing

Coruscant's gleaming exterior reflects a thousand colours from the sky. As do its citizens, though usually only through the fabric of their clothes.

A/N: So much of this section is just laying groundwork for worldbuilding things I want to expand on later, so there's not really much I feel warrants upfront explanation? Apart from how I've had to handle travel times thanks to SW canon's laissez-faire attitude to the same.

Wookieepedia (which has proved rather more helpful than the Star Wars databank in this instance) states that Luke and Leia are born two days after Empire Day. According to the various sources I've accumulated regarding the galaxy's geography and travel times, it should take about four days to travel from Coruscant to Mustafar. This does, naturally, heck things up a tad for me.

I sort of just settled on 'okay, it took two days for the entire Padmé goes to Mustafar and then gets taken to Polis Massa situation to play out, we'll call it another two days to get back to Coruscant just to maintain something resembling internal consistency' and left it there. Unless I end up doing another section of the series in this format, I'm unlikely to need quite as specific a timeline again, so it's going to have to do.

Also on AO3 and Pillowfort.

27/5

Arrived on Coruscant today. Streets are aflame. Rumours have spread in the Emperor’s absence that he has abandoned his government. Senate is in tatters. Bail means to present a motion to elect an emergency chancellor should the Emperor not reappear. He was nominated once, he hopes to go further now.

Anakin has been burning red all day. He’s not speaking much. Least of all to Obi-Wan. I worry about him. But he’s kind to the children, at least. They don’t seem scared of him. Not sure why. Even if he was there while they were born — I still don’t remember enough of that hour to say — it seems they should notice that his flesh doesn’t feel like mine — or anyone else’s. Master Yoda has asked me to ‘keep an eye on him’. I wonder what he thinks I meant to do.

Apartment is clean and untouched, fortunately. Jedi Temple seems less pleasant. Structure is intact, but Obi-Wan and Master Yoda have been subdued since returning. May be the remnants of Anakin’s massacre — unlikely that there was anyone left to clean up the mess.

Haven’t left apartment since arriving. Spirit is drained. Unconsciousness is a poor substitute for sleep.

The Living Force carries with it everything that a living being might think or feel. Compassion, solidarity, the desire to protect one’s kin — these are all products of the Force that I do not think it is wise to deny.

Not every instinct of living beings is noble, of course. This we already know well — even in the safety of the Temple we hear of murder and wretchedness in the darker corners of Coruscant. How are we to know which of our living instincts are to be lauded, and which are too closely tied to the Dark Side for safety?

29/5

Received transmission from Naboo this morning. Queen enquiring after my health; apparently disturbing rumours have spread there too. Starting to wonder if political situation is salvageable. Obi-Wan thinks not, but his mood has not recovered from the Temple. Have to wonder if it ever will. He’s still afraid to be in the same room as Anakin. Determined to talk to me about my health and the children, though. Would prefer to discuss his method of travelling to Mustafar with him. But he evades the questions. I’ve not regained the energy to press him.

Senate refuses to come to session. Palpatine’s bureaucrats deny Bail a hearing.

Anakin has been absent much of the day. He came home in much the same colour as the sky outside — dull grey with rain clouds, today. Peculiar, given the flame-like character of his form. Somewhat puzzled by the nature of what he has become. Obi-Wan and Master Yoda’s comments suggest a construction of the Force, but in that case my awareness of it seems strange. Children remain oblivious. Perhaps to be expected given that they’re newborns. Yet to decide on names. Anakin has expressed no preference.

Still exhausted, but should send message to Naboo before going to bed. If nothing else, must reassure Queen that our people have someone in their corner in the Senate. Fortunate that children are healthy and, for the time being, sleeping easily at night. Circumstances likely to make balancing their care with politics rather difficult before long.

I was first introduced to the Sith as a group who used the Force for necrotic ends — they were enemies of life.

In this form, they were held up as the worst the Dark Side had to offer.

Though they touched the Living Force, they held no respect for its living aspect. Life was a thing to be twisted and tormented as they saw fit. A chilling philosophy for a cold, cruel gathering of minds.

30/5

Anakin woke up in the middle of the night. Woke up in response to his absence and attempted to talk to him, but he was unresponsive. Didn’t even indicate that he’d heard. Not sure if another nightmare. Not sure who else he could fear to lose, given that he never knew who his father was. He stayed a deep blue until morning and has been glowing green since then. Showed no sign of remembering his dream — or that he’d woken up — during the day. Seems strange, but I don’t know what questions to ask. His existence raises enough of them, at this stage.

Anxiety setting in regarding whether staying so close to him is safe. I don’t want to leave. Don’t want him to leave.

Obi-Wan and Master Yoda have found lodging. Neither thinks it will be possible to restore the Order, at least not in short term. Wonder what could fill their place in the galaxy — their skills made them unique, but that clearly wasn’t enough. Bail is speaking to Underworld police and the others who signed our petition. Have sent message to Mon; yet to receive a response. Bureaucrats have stated that they will await the return of the Emperor to their deaths if need be. Alarmed that the Republic could ever have reached this stage. Shouldn’t be surprised; no different when I was Queen. Thought Palpatine meant to work with me to change matters in the Senate then. Sad to think our planet could produce such a monster of a man.

Houseplants are oddly healthy after my absence. Children remain healthy; noise is tiring but understandable. Obi-Wan seems alarmed by children, Master Yoda just shakes his head. Can only assume their closeness to Anakin makes them seem threatening. Bears remembering that our marriage was forbidden.

What the Sith always sought was death and destruction. In their parlance, such things became power.

It is a burden to be able to kill a life form, to have such perfect control over their fate — in this context, I can see why we are taught to shy from power.

33/5

Protest passed by apartment today. Seems Emperor’s disappearance has stalled a crucial decision regarding imports from beyond Hutt space. Strange that situation would have escalated so far in so little time — suggests underlying tensions that I was ignorant of. Perhaps willfully so. Not sure of particulars, but delay is clearly causing distress. Will discuss with Bail and others once opportunity arises. Mon is preoccupied in her home sector but promised to return as soon as possible. My message seemed to alarm her. The thought does my nerves no favours.

Anakin has been distracted. His mind seems to phase out of conversations halfway through sentences. Colours didn’t settle, but I recall more orange and red than cooler colours. Left to visit Jedi Temple in the early afternoon, has yet to return. Children have whined at his absence. Thinking Luke and Leia for their names, but want to check with Anakin. Have to assume they’ll be Force-sensitive. Makes the loss of the Order more personal. Though not much more devastating, I’ve found.

Was recovered enough today to leave apartment for a few hours. Waited until protest had passed by for safety’s sake — imagine I would have been scolded by Bail (and Obi-Wan) had I not exercised caution. City is little changed, but people are. Noticeably nervous. Official statements conflict with rumour regarding Emperor’s disappearance. Wondering if Anakin intends to go public with what he knows. Obi-Wan remains reluctant to speak to him, let alone push for answers. Haven’t seen Master Yoda since he said clones needed to be brought back under control. Unsure what he meant. Clones are full-fledged life forms, and not as easily controlled as droids. Seems strange that they would be out of control given their receptivity to any and all orders given. Though their turning on the Jedi does suggest a potentially dangerous willingness to obey.

The clones’ entire situation makes me uneasy, but Kamino may not fall under Republic jurisdiction, so few legal avenues through which to pursue an investigation into their methods. It’d be a low priority right now in any case.

This is how I discern truth: only the Dark Side of the Living Force will ever demand death. If it favours life, it is honourable.

34/5

Anakin agreed to names. Mostly yellow today. Smiled more than he has since before Council conflict.

Have to admit the fact is disconcerting. Would have expected his visit to the Temple to bring his spirit down. Don’t think I know enough about the Jedi’s internal matters for any speculations on my part to be useful, and I knew he’d grown frustrated with the Order’s leadership some time ago, but seems that what remains of the Temple can’t be anything pleasant given its effect on Obi-Wan and Master Yoda. Yoda’s absence continues, though Obi-Wan doesn’t seem concerned. As with Mustafar and Anakin’s present state, though, he continues to duck questions. He seems almost as tired as I feel.

Mass protests in the street have forced bureaucrats’ hands. Senate will be in session in two days. Bail has not denied involvement but refuses to specify details. Underworld denizens in particular have rallied nobly. Special committee to solve import issue today. Bail extended an invitation — curious as to what authority he’s already managed to gain in a Senate now controlled in law as well as practice by bureaucrats. Bowed out to allow myself more time to recover. Exertion yesterday left me more tired than anticipated, and children woke up several times during the night. May need to hire assistance. Unsure how to explain household situation. Had visitors from Senate after lunch; all eyed Anakin with various degrees of alarm. His presence may have kept situation more civil than it otherwise would have been — none of the visitors were allies. Little information or advantage gained from conversations, though.

Didn’t want to ruin Anakin’s rare good mood, and his anger has proved dangerous of late, but harsh conversations may be necessary, and delaying them serves no further purpose. Obi-Wan has found reports on how each Jedi who fell in the purge died. Too many to comb through and confirm all the dead, but he’s read enough already to make him wilt. For me, Senate issues may take priority until system is stable, sadly. Current crisis state is unsustainable and may do lasting damage. Bail’s efforts are incredible, but rest of Senate likely to prove less tractable.

Official statements continue to say ‘Empire’ despite the fact that what remains of the government is all a product of the Republic. As of yet I’ve heard of no rumour suggesting that the Emperor is dead.