#their subtle indifference even when he returns from the war is THE most infuriating thing

[meet-you-at-the-north-star]

The feminine urge to slap Leckie’s parents every time they’re on screen

[littlemisspascal]

Death and an Angel part 6

Helmetless + Death!Din and Cupid F!Reader

Summary: Three things happen at once. 

He pulls his glove off and tosses it aside. You forget how to breathe.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,114

Warnings: Swearing, backstory, angsty angst, fluffy fluff, mutual pining finally acknowledged, overuse of italics, don’t mess with Din’s Cupid or he’ll kill you

Author Note: Important please read this! Ok, so if you’ve been following along you’ll know I had no outline for this originally. And well, that’s come back to bite me. I had to make an edit to Part 2, a small one but still the very beginning will look marginally different if you’ve read it before today’s date Dec. 16, 2020. Basically, I took away the implication that You don’t know exactly how You became a Cupid. So, yeah. Hopefully moving forward I’ll be better handling all this *awkward shuffling*. As always, thank you for all the support and I appreciate every one of you so much ❤

Links to Part 1 and Part 5 and Part 7

Cross-posted on AO3.

Photo Inspiration:

Silence floods the ship in the wake of your admission, stifling and charged with enough tension you fear breathing too loud will set off a chain reaction with disastrous results. It makes the hair on the back of your neck prickle, every instinct inside of you screaming to teleport away, if only so you no longer have to see Din stubbornly trying and failing to hide his internal turmoil behind a mask of indifference. 

When he opens his mouth, you tense but the question slices through you all the same. “When?”

You hesitate, making a face. “Din, we really don’t have time for this. Let’s just move on—”

Without warning, the hand holding your elbow slides to your wrist and twists, turning your palm up for inspection. Din stares at the blank expanse of skin, then slowly his gaze lifts, and he releases you as if you’ve poisoned him.

“You’ve never lied to me before, angel. Did you honestly think now was the best time to start?” he asks, and something breaks inside of you when he looks at you as if you’ve become a total stranger to him.

But before any pain can begin to sink in, anger overcomes you as his assumption registers.

“I’m not lying, you asshole,” you say sharply, feeling a faint pulse of petty satisfaction when you notice the subtle way his stance shifts defensively, betraying his surprise at your boldness. Resting your hands on your hips, you fix him with your fiercest glare. “For all that you are a powerful ancient being of the universe, you are also the biggest, most ignorant fool I’ve ever met. You have absolutely no idea how Cupids become Cupids, do you?”

You don’t offer him even a second to respond, too wound up and fueled by the overwhelming desire to make him get it. To make him understand you’re not purposefully trying to hurt him. If it were up to you, you’d make sure he never felt any kind of pain. But that would require having a choice and that is the one thing the universe did not grant you as a Cupid.

“Every Cupid was once a mortal with a soulmate,” you explain, choosing each word with careful precision while watching his face to make sure his focus never wavers. “And every one of us was rejected by them. When we die, we’re transformed into Cupids, losing our soulmate markings in the process.” When you feel your bottom lip begin to wobble, you pause to take a steadying breath. “You asked me before, what is the true purpose of a Cupid? It’s to help others find the kind of love we never experienced for ourselves.”

Din stands there in front of you, still staring passively, and you’re scared for a moment your words have made no difference, but then his jaw clenches so tightly you hear his teeth grinding. 

“You were rejected?” he growls, vicious and guttural, the sound of a feral beast.

He pivots, fist colliding with the wall with enough force it dents the metal beneath his knuckles. You flinch at the noise, shocked at the abuse he’s inflicted upon his beloved ship. Every bone in his hand should have shattered upon impact, but because Death is immune to such damage he merely turns back to you, breathing raggedly and eyes blackened with rage.

“Tell me his name.”

You’ve already begun shaking your head before you say, “So you can go hunt him down? Hell no. Trust me, it doesn’t matter.”

Instead of pacifying him, this only infuriates him further. “How can you say that? That bastard broke your heart when he was supposed to cherish you, protect you, love you above all else.”

“You think I don’t know that?” you ask peevishly, letting your temper get the better of you. Sparing a moment to mentally count to ten, you quietly reveal, “I can say it doesn’t matter because I don’t even remember who he was. There is no point sending you to kill someone who’s face I can’t pick out of a crowd.”

The sudden way Din’s whole body slumps in response to the news, like a puppet whose strings have been cut, expression scrunched and dumbfounded, would have made you laugh if the circumstances were entirely different. Being what they are, you can only meet his stare evenly, silently assuring him you’re not joking in the slightest.

“I don’t understand,” Din says at last, looking like he wants to approach but is unsure you’ll welcome his nearness so he keeps his distance. “You never told me you had memory loss before. What happened to you?”

You shrug helplessly. “I don’t know. For as long as I’ve been a Cupid, all my memories from my mortal life have dark spots, like something poked holes in them.”

Din glances away as he mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like ‘Or someone’ but before you can comment, his tone rises to its usual volume as he says, “Is this why you collect all those old newspapers? To try to help you remember?”

You recall with embarrassment him having previously commented on the pile in your living room. That moment feels like years ago, the two of you sitting in your apartment and Din asking...if Cupids were on the list of potential soulmates. Was that his way of asking if you were on the list? Surely not. He’s much cleverer than that.

...Isn’t he?

“I just,” you shake your head, refocusing on the current conversation. “I keep thinking maybe I’ll find something that fills in the gaps. I don’t like this pit in my stomach, this feeling that I’ve forgotten something important.” You huff a self-deprecating chuckle. “Other than my soulmate, I mean.”

He offers you a smile, small and lopsided, likely meant to be consoling, but you see right through it. You see his pain in the tightness around his mouth, in the way his fingers flex at his sides like it’s taking all his self-control not to reach out to you. Your confession has hurt him. Badly. It’s the kind of hurt no amount of bacta can heal.

The silence returns, different than the one usually experienced during hyperspace in that it wishes to be broken, for someone to say something, anything. You would grant its wish except your thoughts are a jumbled mess inside your head. Deep down, there is a part of you which knows there is nothing you can say that will fix this—this being the chasm forming between you and Din, widening with every passing second spent staring wordlessly at each other. 

Would telling him sooner have prevented this heartbreak? Probably. But looking back, you can’t think of an opportune moment. You had never thought your crush could be requited—not just because you were already matched, but also because it had always seemed so ridiculous, imagining the great and powerful Death feeling anything remotely close to affection for an unimportant, low-ranking Cupid. 

“Angel,” Din begins after a few minutes, his voice anchoring you back in the present. He’s staring over your shoulder, brow furrowed thoughtfully and you can practically hear the gears turning inside his head. “Earlier, you said you didn’t tell your boss I was your client. Why didn’t you?”

“I-I don’t know,” you stutter, before an unexpected wave of boldness comes over you. Digging your finger into the armor on his chest, you remind him, “You came to me first, remember? Not them. So, I figured you didn’t want them knowing.”

“I couldn’t care less who knows,” Din deadpans.

“Oh.” You blink, hand falling back along your side, because what else can you say.

“You want to know what I think?” Oh Maker, he’s stepping closer until there’s only a foot of space between you two. His voice is a low, raspy murmur, sending your heartbeat into overdrive. “I think you didn’t want them knowing because you like being the only angel who does.”

You start to squirm, fight or flight instincts at total war with each other. His theory isn’t too far from the truth, making it all the worse hearing it out loud because it practically oozes possessiveness which is exactly what you’d feared.

“Before you pull away from me again,” Din continues, knowing you and your mind too damn well. “I want you to listen when I say nothing that you’ve told me changes how I feel about you.”

“Din—” you try, only for your voice to crack.

Then three things happen at once.

He pulls his glove off and tosses it aside. You forget how to breathe.

“I’ve been alone my entire existence and I kept telling myself that was how the universe intended it to be. That I couldn’t love anyone because I kill everything I touch.” A smile pulls at his lips when he looks down at his bare hand and a note of awe slips into his voice. “Then you came along, beautiful and clumsy and unafraid to call me out for being an ass. I started looking forward to each full moon because it meant I got to see you and admire every new detail about your life you chose to share with me. And then when this appeared,” he nods towards the soulmate marking, gleaming faintly beneath the overhead lighting, “all I could think of was you.”

You feel your throat becoming thick as you blink back tears, inhaling sharply through your nose. “Why didn’t you say anything at the train station? Why would you let me try to set you up with matches if you liked me that way?”

Din grimaces, abashed. “Because after you said there weren’t any Cupids on your list, I realized you didn’t know I liked you. I convinced myself I had to show you how I felt, instead of tell you. Although,” he holds up a finger, backtracking, “I actually almost did confess, on our way to Sorgan, but you stopped me. And that just further convinced me actions spoke louder than words. I knew none of the people you found me could ever compare with you, so I thought once you saw each unsuccessful connection, you’d realize the only hand I want to hold is yours.”

“Din, it can’t be me.” Your protest is weak, on the verge of caving in, forcing you to try another angle. “I can’t have two soulmates.”

He inhales a breath so sharp and unexpected, it startles your poor heart into skipping a beat.

Din looks at you like you’ve gifted him all the stars in the galaxy, brown eyes blown wide with hope. “Angel, do you mean it? That you consider me—”

“Of course, you idiot.” You attempt a laugh, but it comes out sounding broken and forced. “As Death, as Din, as whoever you want to be, I’ll always consider you. But...what if what happened on Sorgan happens to us? What if the universe doesn’t favor us?”

“I just want to be yours.” Din extends his hand towards you. “And if that means breaking the universe’s rules, then fuck it. We’ll make up our own. Together.”

Time seems to stand still, like you’ve entered a realm separate from the rest of the universe where you’re able to forget you have a complicated past, filled with holes and a soulmate who rejected you. Here it’s just you, Din, and his offer to love you unconditionally. Here you have a choice.

And it’s the easiest one you’ve ever made.

You slowly lift up your hand to hover in front of his, fingers trembling as they uncurl.

“Together,” you whisper.

And then your hands are moving to meet one another, closer and closer until his fingertips brush yours, sending a spark of warmth through your nervous system. Oh, Maker, you had described what you imagined a soulmate connection was like, but you had no idea this is the true experience. It’s like a sunrise dissolving midnight skies, lighting up your surroundings with breathtaking vibrancy. You can’t fathom how you survived all this time being in his presence without feeling his touch.

“Dank farrik,” he mutters hoarsely, sounding just as overwhelmed and awestruck as you feel.

You open your mouth, but instead of words a whimper of agony escapes instead. That lovely warmth spreading from your linked hands has started to boil, white-hot and furious. It’s as if all your internal parts have caught fire and are slowly withering to ash—your organs, your bones, even your kriffing blood. 

Your body crumples and Din cries out your name, but you don’t get to hear him say it, unconscious before your head collides with the floor.

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[laqualassiel]

Day Four. Describe your character’s relationship with every member of their party.

Alistair 

Marian’s first impression of Alistair was not favorable. His blatant disrespect and deliberate harassment of the senior Enchanter reminded her strongly of the asshole Templars at Kinloch Hold. That Alistair frequently shied away from his responsibilities greatly irritated Marian, because Marian was trained by Irving to be his successor, with the knowledge that she would be responsible for everyone within the tower. She disliked Alistair’s views on magic, only partly because he was against magic, but mostly because his views were nearly perfectly regurgitated Chantry doctrine instead of views Alistair had formed himself. The only reason Alistair and Marian were able to work together was due to their duty to end the Blight. They did not get along. Alistair disagreed with many of Marian’s decisions while Marian despised Alistair’s rose-tinted view of the world. Marian was content to force Alistair into his duty as King by marrying him to Anora, Conscripting Loghain, and washing her hands of Alistair entirely.

Morrigan 

At first, Marian and Morrigan’s relationship was based off of mutual intellectual curiosity regarding magic. Morrigan’s Shapeshifting and Marian’s Dreamer status fascinated each other, and both of them shared a love for history and ancient knowledge. They didn’t always agree on things - Marian’s chivalrous nature often clashed with Morrigan’s self-serving tendencies. However, they agreed on enough - such as their disbelief in the Chantry, disdain for the Templars and Circles, and preservation of ancient lore - that Marian and Morrigan came to trust each other with their insecurities and their dreams. The two would build a slow but solid friendship. Their relationship would reach the point that Marian willingly faced down Flemeth and Morrigan approached Loghain with the Dark Ritual to save Marian’s life. Before the Battle of Denerim, Morrigan bid Marian farewell, and Marian did not try to stop her, understanding that while Marian could bind herself to her duty, Morrigan was a free spirit, and binding Morrigan to one place would kill Morrigan.

Leliana

Marian and Leliana did not get off to the best start. Leliana fervently believed in the Maker and the Chant. Marian held no such faith, was even skeptical. Leliana’s pestering about Marian’s lack of faith annoyed Marian. Leliana’s subtle but persistent classism also grated on Marian’s nerves, as did Leliana’s tactlessness when interacting with other races and cultures. Leliana and Marian bonded over stories and fashion. There were not many stories available in Kinloch Hold, and Marian loved to hear Leliana sing the tales Marian had only ever read about in history texts. Marian’s eye for styling hair and Leliana’s eye for fashion was another interest they shared, though Marian often reminded Leliana of the impracticalities of wearing such fashions while trekking through the Ferelden countryside while battling darkspawn and bandits. However, Marian appreciated being able to express a desire to feel pretty without being mocked for it.

Zevran 

In the immediate aftermath of Zevran’s failed assassination attempt, Marian was inclined to kill him. However, over the course of interrogating him, Marian realized a couple things: Zevran was truly indifferent about killing her and Zevran did not like the Crows. So Marian spares Zevran, because she would like to give him the freedom Marian has never had but always wanted. Once Marian is certain that Zevran won’t stab her in the back that is. But Zevran - charming, witty, delightful Zevran - proved to be one of the most loyal people Marian had ever met. And Zevran, Zevran was shocked when Marian - passionate, beautiful, noble Marian - accepted him. Zevran fell in love with Marian first, and he fell hard. Marian was slower, but her love was no less for it.

Shale

Marian initially bought the control rod with the intent to never use it. She had little desire to travel with a golem, but the thought of the havoc that could ensue if the control rod were to fall into unscrupulous hands gave Marian nightmares. It was the possibility of Marian not having the correct control rod that drove her to attempt to activate Shale. Shale’s demand for an order was met with a flat refusal, because Marian would never be master to a slave. When Shale insisted, Marian destroyed the control rod. Marian adamantly insisted that Shale was a sentient being, therefore her own person and not property. Marian’s unwavering stance on this - and Marian’s fury when Shaper Czibor tried to buy Shale - meant more to Shale than Shale was willing to put to words. Marian fussed over Shale after every battle, because in a way, the golem was the most vulnerable of the party. The other party members could be healed, but not Shale.

The Sten 

The decision to leave the Sten to the mercy of the darkspawn infuriates Marian. That was not a death sentence in Marian’s opinion, it was torture. Marian told Sten that he could come with her and work to redeem himself fighting the Blight, or she could kill him. Sten approved of Marian’s honor and practicality, but did not agree with her on the topic of mages. When Marian noted that Sten struggled with Common, she helped him learn, and in turn, learned a bit of Qunlat in turn. Marian was bewildered when Sten declared her basalit-an when she found his sword, Asala, only a few days after he told her of it. Marian and Sten challenge each other in their beliefs, but respect that they would never agree with each other on certain topics. Sten declared that Marian would be a worthy opponent when the Qunari returned in their warships, and Marian responded with a promise to fight well.

Wynne 

Marian knew Wynne during her years in the Circle. Wynne was a well known Senior Enchanter, and was a good friend of Irving and mentor to Marian’s friend Alim. Marian greatly respected Wynne’s healing abilities. However, Marian hated Wynne’s tendency to lecture as though they were all errant Apprentices instead of adults Wynne had no authority over. Wynne worried about the effect the Blight would have on Marian years down the road. War was never kind, and Marian was still young. Wynne didn’t want Marian to make a decision that she would regret later.

Oghren 

Oghren was a breath of metaphorical fresh air for Marian. His blunt honesty and lack of hidden agenda was welcome. Marian did not approve of Oghren being constantly drunk. When Oghren first joined the party, Marian told him that he had to be sober outside of camp. If he wanted to drink himself to death while in camp, that was his choice, but he had to be sober when his actions could put someone else at risk. The first time Oghren went into a berserker rage, Marian tore a strip out of his hide after, since he had almost injured their own party members. Oghren chafed at the restrictions Marian imposed on his behaviour, and the two eventually fought. Oghren was shocked when Marian roared that he was better than the aimless drunk Orzammar saw him as. Oghren was a proud warrior of House Kondrat, and Marian refused to let him throw his life away. Marian’s staunch belief in him spurred Oghren to try to live up to Marian’s expectations. It didn’t always go well, but Oghren’s honest attempts made Marian proud. The two would never settle into friendship, but rather a bond of trusted commander and subordinate.

Dog 

In the wake of Ostagar, the Daveth was a blessing. Marian named him after the loveable scamp she wished she could have had the chance to be friends with. Daveth was incredibly protective of Marian, refusing to leave her side unless Marian explicitly ordered him to. Even then, it was with great reluctance and required Marian to make it up to him with treats. Daveth’s steady presence kept Marian from sinking under the burden of command. 

Loghain 

Marian greatly respected Loghain as a general and warrior. She did not hold a grudge over his betrayal at Ostagar, as Marian could see why Loghain chose such. However, Loghain using the Grey Wardens as scapegoats for Ostagar, and Loghain sending assassins after her and Alistair made things personal, and Marian intended to kill Loghain. However, by the Landsmeet, Marian’s grudge had lessened, and she instead decided that Loghain would Join the Grey Wardens. That way, Loghain either died or would serve the rest of his life in service to those he wronged. As her subordinate, Marian treated Loghain with respect, as he was now one of her men and Marian was nothing if not professional. Loghain was confused by Marian’s attitude towards him, but the fact that she sought and listened to his advice as a veteran warrior and general and did not recklessly rush into things as Cailan did garnered his respect. In fact, it garnered enough respect for Loghain to agree to save Marian’s life using Morrigan’s Dark Ritual. Marian did not bring Loghain with her to slay the Archdemon, as she did not know about the Ritual and she was the most senior Warden after Riordan, and she needed Loghain to survive to either continue if she failed, or to rebuild the Order in the aftermath. The Marian and Loghain never became friends, but instead had a close bond of respected and trusted commander and subordinate.