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also.. Like ok not to double post but i can’t stop thinking abt how in one of the trainings someone was talking abt how kids Back Then didn’t hang out w their parents all the time and just kinda had their own lives and it was just understood that once you reach a certain age you’re able to make your own choices and you don’t have to stick w ur family all the time. it’s not that i want my family to disown me or throw me out or anything but i just uhhhhhhh. i think being sheltered like this has fundamentally irreversibly damaged me and i feel like im living in a pit of quicksand. like i want to get out of the house but not with you. ykwim
#purrs#i was supposed to be home alone all evening on friday and i was very selfishly looking forward to that. and then my mom changed plans in par#part bc i think she didn’t feel comfortable not having me there. and now im being dragged there and it’s like.. i have things on my mind and#things i need to do to even GET myself to the point where i can make decisions like most early 20soemthings in entry level positions can do.#and instead im being dragged on a family outing and guilt tripped abt it. and its dumb to complain abt going on a family outing for a lot of#reasons but it’s like.. girl i literally do not want to spend time with you weekends are so short and precious AJD i do not want to spend th#them suffocating in the middle seat and having to act excited and smiley and pose for pictures. i HATE it. and i don’t have to be livingt#this way but it’s so fucking hard to take the first steps to do something different. i feel so trapped and like im Gonna be stuck in thisnho#house forever. like can i skip to the part where i only interact w my parents maybe once every couple of days at most and live a#separate life and get to fully choose and enjoy life’s pleasures in the ways i want to and not have to be beholden to some stupid diet and s#standard and whatever. i want sugar and salt and oil and i want riding on the bus and staying out late with friends and going on adventures#and not always having to come home earlier than i want to and i want a room of my own and a cat and peace when i choose it. pain 😂😂😂😂😂😂#delete later
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