#then he goes to talk to hanzo for like. idk three years and he's like I finally got a friend :) Why's my heart poundin' :)))

[the-deadlock-south]

reaper tells cass to get a friend but then cass comes back to him with hanzo by his side holdin his hand obviously in love and super proud of himself like congrats cowboy but i think you speedran a couple steps there you still have no friends

[phoenixyfriend]

I am seized by a fatal need for courtroom ninja drama fic

But not serious courtroom drama. I'm talking Phoenix Wright style Nonsense.

(Some of this was provided by the folks over in @sloaners​‘ server, but the bulk of it was me spitballing nonsense at people who actually know the games, which I do not. I do paraphrase a few times to make it more feasible as a tumblr post/fic concept, rather than a rapidfire text conversation.)

Or one of those like. Reality TV paternity test things? But specifically in my mind the people involved in the actual paternity are a married couple and someone that joined them to be their third, and Clan Elders are throwing a fit about how the baby might not be the heir by blood! while the actual parents are like "I could not care less, this is our child, all three of us, please stop getting involved."

HashiMitoMada would be a VERY good option for the paternity nonsense, mostly because I can see Madara screeching at his own elders about how he already said Izuna would be his heir and he's not changing his mind!

Tobirama is just begging the paternity test to work faster off-screen because he's the only person with the machines to make it happen.

(Hashirama is just. Moping in a corner.)

"I just had to INVENT a paternity test that works before the birth! I had to figure out how to test amniotic fluid! If you assholes make me do something this stupid on such short notice again, I will be digging some shallow graves!" "...for who?" "I haven't decided yet."

Anyway, jumping back to like a Phoenix Wright-style murder investigation.

The victim was Danzo. Even the prosecution isn't actually that interested in making sure someone gets arrested, but they're legally obligated to do at least try. A bunch of people all acting really suspicious about who killed him. There is at least one shitty fake mustache-on-glasses disguise to provide a paper-thin alibi.

WAIT The other thing this gives us is ninjas in three-piece-suits but half of them wear the suits wrong. I’m talking mismatched buttons. The wrong way of tying their tie. Sewn-on-cufflinks. This is Naruto, for instance.

Tobirama would wear it properly, except he's rushing about in a lab coat, screaming at everyone to get out of his way because he's The Entire Forensics Team.

(This is the part where I have to confess that I have only seen the live-action movie of Phoenix Wright, as I don't game, so I just have the live action and tumblr osmosis.)

At this point, of course, we gotta ask: Who is the most Belligerent Witness And who is the Helpful™️ Witness that's super enthusiastic but entirely useless

I can see, say, Mito being a solid witness that both defense and prosecution are really thankful for.

Modern gen you have like... Sasuke and Neji are both incredibly belligerent witnesses. Neji at least is polite about it but pulls the "only answers with the absolute minimum of information."

Lee and Gai would have the over enthusiasm but forget to say actual vital testimony until pressed, and Naruto would love to help but might not be entirely sure what the case even is.

Shikamaru falls asleep when the lawyers consult their partners. Prosecution A consults Prosecution B for thirty-seven seconds, then turns around and the witness is asleep at the stand.

Tobi (as in Obito with mask) is an incredibly frustrating witness. They have to declare a recess just so all the lawyers can recover their blood pressure. "Can we please get someone up on the stand with this guy as a handler? I'm--I'm going to explode."

Gaara: Helpful. Polite. Answers with detail. Answers the spirit of the question as well as the letter. Includes more detail. That's too much detail. Gaara please stop telling us about the sounds that bones make.

His testimony just drags on forever.

Ninken can and will take the stand! Pakkun even enjoys it! Some ninken require translators.

ABURAME TRANSLATING FOR A RANDOM GIANT CENTIPEDE THAT WITNESSED A MURDER IN THE FOREST OF DEATH

There are arguments about whether or not the testimony can count since nobody else can confirm the translation except Other Aburame so how do they know the Aburame aren't part of the coverup.

"Okay, so this Danzo guy had like fifty shell companies but I think I found the route that leads back to him?" "Nah, that one goes to a guy that died eighty years ago that's still collecting pensions: his family lied and said he was still alive for the money." "Fuck!"

Also I just. I love the idea of Sasuke and Madara being the exact opposite kind of belligerent witness.

Also, Orochimaru answers with pretty much the exact kind of wording as Gaara, but where Gaara is trying to be helpful and provide detail for the sake of the case, and failing to see that it's maybe not necessary, Orochimaru just wants to see people squirm. ...similar thing happens with Sakura and Kabuto. Similar phrasing, very different energy.

I keep picturing all of Team Taka as part of Forensics and Evidence Collecting ajshakshjd

Juugo, holding up a rabbit: I found a witness.

Karin joins forensics and Tobirama nearly weeps from joy until he finds her criminal record "Shit, that was supposed to get thrown out when I turned eighteen."

Tobirama: I asked for an assistant, not a criminal. Karin: I'm on parole. Tobirama: That makes things worse. Karin: I know how to use a [concerningly advanced machine that I, a business major, cannot name]. Tobirama: ...never mind, I'm keeping you.

Karin: I know how to DNA sequence AND use LA-ICP-MS Tobirama: [weeps with joy]

Suigetsu would be great at blood splatter analysis. ...I think I read somewhere that blood spatter analysis is actually over in 'fake science that's pushed by cops and media but actually doesn't work' BUT apparently it’s in the Ace Attorney games so we’re going to ignore reality a bit. We’ve already got dogs and rabbits and centipedes as witnesses, what’s a bit of blood spatter?

He's also probably really good at cause of death stuff? Like looking at corpse and figuring out how long it took the victim to die, which blow did it, whether any damage was inflicted post-mortem, etc.

Sasuke is usually too busy playing Belligerent Witness but sometimes goes to join Taka for... uh... reasons.

Juugo: [takes the stand] Lawyer: Hey, uh, why's that Uchiha guy with him? The witness-- Judge: No, no, we need Uchiha Sasuke on hand when questioning Expert Animal Handler Juugo. Lawyer: ...why? Judge: Property damage.

(Sasuke as a work partner with Juugo, also moonlighting as a witness/suspect in Danzo's murder.)

One time they need Juugo but can't find him even though court is already in session and he said he'd be here, turns out he was lured away by Kakashi's army of dogs. Kakashi didn't notice until he turned to ask Pakkun if he could help find the missing expert.

Juugo is a decent lab assistant, I think?

Anyway.

Tobirama taking on Team Taka as his forensics team while Orochimaru is... hm... traveling the country to promote his new autobiography, which is outselling the newest Icha Icha to Jiraiya's ire.

Sloane suggested “a case where it's all the Sannin as suspects in a murder. They would be THE WORST, say... the murder of Hanzo.”

To which I suggested “The Sannin are all suspects but the people on trial are the Ame trio, maybe?”

Which garnered the response of “It could be a surprise upset IN COURT that the trio should be on trial.”

We love a court upset.

Suigetsu finds out that the cause of death was actually an entirely natural heart attack, but while he was determining this, the rest of the team and the lawyers found like eight conspiracies by Zetsu, three by Danzo, four by Orochimaru, and an entire network of nonsense by Sasori.

INO IS THE PSYCHIC. I know her thing in canon is reading minds but pls. Ino is Maya. The Spirit Medium.

Is the judge: 1. Hiruzen 2. Hashirama 3. Hagoromo 4. Mifune 5. The Daimyou

(Old dude with authority, optionally easily distracted/questionably competent. I'd have gone for impressive facial hair but only Mifune and Hagoromo have more than like... Hiruzen's weird soul patch.)

It's not a soul patch but I don't know what facial hair is called and I can't just call it a goat beard

Response commentary was as follows: The Daimyou would unfortunately be closer to the personality of the ace attorney judge, more blindly agreeing with things that sound good :joy: Hiruzen could be fun if only for the competing facial hair for a beard, yes xD Hagoromo would possibly be most buckwild tho WELCOME TO MOON COURT

I managed to get this far with like... NO idea who the judges were except “IDK maybe Kakashi?” but consider:

...HashiMada rival lawyers

Dropping over to Izuna vs. Touka for when Hashirama and Madara inevitably become suspects of something or other themselves and have to be witnesses.

(Tobirama's too busy running blood tests, Anija, let Touka handle it, she's better at people anyway.)

...Hashirama is like. Marginally more put-together than Madara, right? So that... makes him Edgeworth... somehow... That feels wrong but Madara as Edgeworth feels even more wrong.

Madara is very into screaming OBJECTION

ALSO consider: Friction when a doctor from a nearby hospital gets called in to provide expert testimony on something because Karin is like "no hey I should be the one doing this" and then she sees how cute Sakura is.

But also at some point Kakashi vs. Gai for a nonsense case. Their personalities are both VERY FUN for this sort of thing.

[botslayer]

The questions raised in MK11′s story mode:

So here's everything as it came up in order, in my mind just as I was thinking of things, SUPER heavy spoilers ahead, I just want the fan consensus, please help a confused fan get his bearings, why does everyone praise this story mode when I'm just seeing more holes than a cheese grater? 1. If Gods are immune to Kronika's time tampering, How does she stop Shinnok's blood, which was still pouring from his neck, from flowing on that table? I know this one may be a bit nitpicky but that's just a little one that sticks out and is very visually present. 2. Where do the Kollector's people come from? Probably Outworld but pulling yet another species from thin air for that realm is kinda cheap, okay? 3. Why does everyone from the past look so different from how they did in MK9? It's like jarringly different, especially when Kung Lao JUST supposedly beat down the deadly alliance, something that is only established to happen in the reboot timeline. So what happened there? (Other cosmetic changes would take too long to point out individually, so I won't.) 4. Follow up, there must be a pretty big time gap for Johnny, Sonya, and Jax, because Jax has his mech arms but in the MK2 ark of MK9, he had to be rushed out of Outworld because Ermac blew his real arms off. 5. Follow up 2, why does Jax seem to have deaged? In MK9 he looked to be about thirty+ Whereas here he looks like a really big Twenty-something, his arms are even different. So what happened there? 6. Why does Dark Raiden vanish? The game throws out the explanation that "Immortals" operate on a different timescale, more or less, but if he's unaffected by other time distortions, how was he pulled forward in the first place? 7. Why aren't more people from either side, including Smoke, Quan Chi, Shang Tsung, Reptile, Ermac, Goro, Mileena, and Kintaro, ALL OF WHOM (Save for Smoke) are Loyal to Shao Kahn, not also summoned into the arena? And "She can only summon people who are still alive" isn't a workable answer because of Baraka, Skarlet and Shao Kahn himself. She later says that she's finding people not happy with the course of history, but I doubt two of the most ambitious characters in the series (The Deadly alliance) would be all that happy about being dead. Nor, I'd wager, would Kintaro or Goro, form the prideful warrior race of dragon people? 8. Why is future Erron Black completely mute? Yeah. In every scene he's in (a few different ones in the coliseum) he never says anything but past Erron has loads of dialogue. 9. How does Raiden know about there being other Temporal nonsense going on elsewhere in not just the realm he's in, but Earthrealm? I know he's Earthrealm's protector but how in the high heaven does he know? 10.As a Little one: How is it that past Johnny is sitting on the other side of the room looking at his nails and then is immediately walking by Sonya and Jax with future Johnny? She was looking in kind of the same direction but how quickly did this guy get up to pull that off? 11.Raiden says he's been getting the premonitions for "MONTHS" But MK9 established pretty roundly that he only got them night one of the 10th tournament. Now, by the time of the MK2 ark in MK9, no more than a week or two could have passed, at least as presented, so how does that make any sense? (I will elaborate if asked but this is already long enough) 12. Why does past Jade have an English accent and why does Revenant Jade not? (Other voice inconsistencies from within this trilogy would take to long to point out, so again, this is just persistent for all of them.) 13. The Cyber Lin Kuei (Who I will call "Tekunin" from here on out because I just like that better) are still a thing, Kronika pulled Sektor into the present too, I can buy that. But why not also try and recruit another realm like Seido? Imagine having Hotaru and the help of his forces. It'd make for some cool scenes, especially at the end when all the Oni are fighting Raiden's army, it'd make things a lot more chaotic, which would look cooler. Why not Chaos realmers? Zaterrans? Vampires? Centaurs? Kytinn? She brought the Tarkatans back completely so how hard would any of these other virtually extinct armies be harder to bring back and sway to her side in comparison? What about the Red Dragon? 14. Raiden apparently knows some of the history of this altered timeline which just makes me wonder how much he could realistically be briefed on, especially when he reacts with shock when he finds out that Sub-zero is friends with Hanzo Hasashi. And yes, the Cyber Initiative was a thing in MK9 but Sektor wasn't the grandmaster when that was going on or when Raiden and co were pulled from time. So what does he know and not know? And why did no one think "That crazy fire ninja is on our side" Was worthwhile info? 15. Why isn't Noob just the past one? He straight up says that he survived the soulnado, not that he's a different version. He never showed up live in the comics so it makes zero sense for him to have full stop survived. 16. How does ripping out two bundles of wire "Reformat" anything? 17. Future Kano references the idea of the Black Dragon being on top of "Not just the black market, Every market." What does that even mean? Is there gonna be a black dragon funded super corporation? That'd be cool, TBH. Shame that's never elaborated on. 18. When Kronika freezes time, is it only local? Or does it hit an entire Realm? Because in the scene where she's talking with Future Jax, and come to think of it, the one with Shinnok's head, What the hell is her bubble of influence? 19. Jade mentions Sheeva "Respecting Kitana's opinion more than anyone else's." Where, At all, in either timeline was that ever represented? Because up to now, if memory serves, their only real interactions were Sheeva telling Kitana to suck it up and die with honor in MK9. 20. What up with Jade's Retcon into being Kotal's girl? It's just kinda weird. 21. When and how did Revenant jade learn to control giant bugs? 22. What is Cetrion even the god of? Raiden, and later Kitana, mention she's a god of Virtue but why then is she able to control the Earth? "Elder god" Maybe but Raiden in the OG timeline got that title at the end of MK 4, then stepped down and he was no more powerful for it but that seems to be what happened with Cetrion, IDK. 23. How far back did Kronika have to pull Past Kano and Kabal from? Because Kabal is still apparently working for the black dragon, whatever age she got him from, but he still has his post-burn super speed. 24. What was the point of blowing Sektor up other than to just lose a major power player for your own side? 25. (Ultimate nitpick on this one) Why is Skarlet and one line from Baraka speaking Tarkatan the only ones that get subtitles? Why not just either A. Say it in English, which they seem to understand enough of, or B. Just not add these translations if they aren't translating the rest of the Tarkatan speech we see? What is the point? "So we understand it." I think you're underestimating people's ability to get the concept of "They said a thing, they did a thing, that must be what was said." 26. In the fight with the Tarkatans, How did Liu Kang and Kung Lao have the time to change back into monk clothes? Where was Kung Lao keeping his hat? 27. What the hell was Shao's last name? at a time "Kahn" was probably just the answer until it became retconned to mean "Emperor of Outworld." But what was his full name? I'm honestly curious, less of a nitpick, more of a "Hm." 28. Why does Future Kano feel a hit to the gut? I understand Johnny's Scar in one way or another, but a hit to the gut, painful as it is, especially when he's showing no sign of feeling any of Past Kano's minor injuries, shouldn't feel like anything after 25ish years. 29. Why does Future Kano have a delayed reaction to "Death by Missing hunk of brain?" The wound instantly manifests but he stands and seems to try to talk for a few seconds before collapsing into sand. Wouldn't it make more sense for him to rot into nothing really fast? Then again, Time travel is always a nightmare in any media that attempts to talk about it. 30. How does Revenant Kabal mistake Past Jax for Future Jax? 31. When Scorpion saves Hanzo, why didn't he just split D'vorah's skull with one strike? Two in a pinch? If he's putting enough force behind it to cut her stabby limbs off, or just generally be a useful assassin, why not just go for the neck even? (This one was answered on a reddit post I made, so whatever) 32. Why doesn't Scorpion just surrender when he goes to the Fire Gardens? Wouldn't it be best to just sit down inoffensively and wait for people to show up? Even if Sub-Zero wants to fight, he could just put his hands up and start disarming himself, Not beat the Holy Snot out of Sub-Zero. 33. If Kronika can just appear out of thin air, freeze all the humans in a given location, and pluck one from the ground, why not just use one of her minions like Geras or Cetrion to help kill them all while they're frozen? 34. Kronika mentions "Playing out all possible Scenarios." How many resets have you done, lady? Millions, I'd wager. How has your utter defeat not come up at least one other time? 35. Where are revenant Nightwolf, Sindel, Smoke, and Stryker during all of this? I find it deathly strange that Kronika couldn't find a use for FOUR undead super warriors. At least three and a bloke with military and police backgrounds that make things like strategy a bit easier, probably. 36.Kronika just MAKES a massive battleship or two, so what was the point of Cetrion building the bridge or asking Kharon to help in the first place? Just make a boat. Barring that, D'vorah mentioned that all she had to do was render Kharon unable to help Raiden's forces during Kharon's introduction. Why not just kidnap him, load him onto a boat, tie him to an anchor, and then just drop him in the blood sea? Rather than this "Slowly torture" BS. 37. How does Future Jax yeet himself onto the upper deck of one of the ferries? 38. Frost says that Raiden "Ignored her, her entire life." Since when is she the Tsundere of the MK universe? Or more seriously: Is this a line that only makes sense when you read the comics? 39. Why would the Tekunin be rigged to Frost's brainwaves? One good conk upside the noggin, or stab, shot, what have you, and what? Do they all drop dead? 40. Why does Past Kang live through having his own soul stolen, something that is always instantly fatal throughout the series? 41. How does Revenant Liu Kang yeet himself off a small boat and onto one of the ferries full stop?

And that's everything, any answers are appreciated. Am I being nitpicky with a few of these? Probably, Do I care? Not so much. I’m just getting sick of people praising this story when THIS MANY holes are present. 

[trqnsboy-moved-blog]

overwatch band au

overband? bandwatch? i love reaper so much and i wanted a reason to put him into a crop top watch?

ok so im not good at this stuf but guys dudes.

mk so basically ana, gabe, and jack made a band out of their garage, and it got rlly popular when they were just 17-19. it blew up completely making all these guys famous at a rlly vulnerable age

the band was called “three” and their fans called themselves 3′s, which was rlly cute

ana was the singer/pianist, jack was the lead guitarist, gabe was the drummer/bassist/pianist

eventually they realized that they couldnt keep that all up, so they got some friends to help them

the friends were torb, rein, amelia, and angela.

they called themselves “four” and were half their own band/half three

torb did the sound setups, he was basically their tech guy and he just constantly did that. he became the best in the business bc he always set things up perfectly for each band

rein played bass or drums, he was also partially their hype man cause everyones so emo 

amelia was a backup singer and bassist, she also added an extra dark horse in the band

angela was a backup singer and a pianist. she liked the concept of adding older elements to their music

about halfway through their career, a scandal pops up that ana is pregnant and unmarried, everyones losing their minds cause they over react

jack and gabe immediately come to her defense. the other members either get ignored or dont speak out about it

gabe adopts jessie and genji; his two trans teens. 

gabe basically just puts up a middle finger and says “fuck the media” and wont do any more interviews. ana draws back slightly as well.

fareeha gets born and mccree, genji, and fareeha go on a photoshoot as soon as fareeha is old enough (at the request of jessie)

something goes wrong and gabe leaves the band and it just sorta crumbles.

 radio silence from gabe, ana and jack 

four basically broke up after.

 angela paired up w like covergirl or dove or smthg

amelia became a fashion model as well as a gothic novel writer

rein became mayor of his home town

torb just continued in the music industry

so like... 20 years later this band named “bop” or some shit gets rlly big

its made up of hana, lucio, lena, as well as fareeha.

fareeha is the lead guitarist and singer, she also has a solo career going under the name “pharah” everybody is so confused on what happened to her and her mom

hana plays the drums and does vocals as well

lena is the guitarist, she cant sing for shit rsdxfcgv

lucio takes care of everything else, he adds remixes and electronic beats. he also does vocals

this underground band named twitch gets rlly popular as well. its a sorta communist, electro, vertual reality thing. its made up of aleksandra, satya, and somebody named sombra 

jessie has been releasing country albums for years. hes the king of country and no one questioned it????

jessie does a combo w twitch and nobody knew that country cound sound that good

hanzos just a rich violinist, idk how that happened But It Did

genji went through a rlly heavy metal phase, he didnt make music but he wrote some songs for some ppl

genji comes out ten years after his heavy metal phase w zenyatta, singing hozier stuff and its rlly good but???? he went from 0-100

zenyattas just this happy guy who loves his bf and singing

bastion was the creater of dubstep but now he just likes to listen to twitch

sombra has released one statement Ever saying “i wuv u bastion uwu”

effie and orisa won americas got talent (or another show) and became rlly rlly famous

akande sings punk rock and i love him for it.

jamison and mako are folk singers w an edge. jamison sings and he has an awful but inticing voice. they are only famous in australia, but mako and rein are friends

mei is this rlly sweet pop artist who gets too much hate. 

i wuv pop idol mei

suddenly a magazine comes out w old gabe, old jack, and old ana; wearing the same clothes from their famous photoshoot -dark blue slacks w a matching trench coat. jack wore his coat over his shoulders, ana had it on but it was falling off her shoulders, gabe had it on but it was open, w a different type of white top. jack wore a see through white tinted dress shirt, ana wore a turtleneck crop top, and gabe wore a v neck crop top that showed he titty- w a caption saying smthg like, “we arent dead” and the press goes  W I L D

thanks for uhhhhhh reading, welcome to my ted talk