#there IS a reason for why my avatar (aka me in game) is called banana pepper btw

[haunted-xander]

ff14 doodles bc it's basically all I've been playing recently lmao

(Please don't spoil anything I am still playing through A Realm Reborn!)

[sorio99]

Summer Trip Notes

Sigourney WeaverSo, a little over a week ago, my family went on a trip to Orlando, Florida (namely Disney World and Universal Studios), and I’ve decided to publish my notes about it. Because I looked through my posts, and I’ve never properly conveyed how much of a 1% dickhead my family is.

Warning: completely unrelatable content and First World Problems incoming.

United Airlines: come for the brutal abuse, stay for the wine. Seriously, if we didn’t have miles with them, we’d switch immediately.

There are a few moments in my life where I realize my parents are seriously wealthy. Walking into a lobby with 17 floors, trees, ponds, and a live parrot is one of those. 

Why do superstitious buildings remove the 13th floor by just skipping the number 13? Like, the deity number obsessed enough to curse a single prime number can PROBABLY count.

1st world problems: when the three free fridges the hotel gives with your rooms only come with TWO water bottles EACH.

Honestly, if you ever get the chance, you absolutely HAVE to go to Disney World, if for no other reason than their theming. Seriously, they spend more effort on the LINE for a single ride than I have in total over 13 years of public education.

I do find it a little weird how Disney opened a brand new subsection in their Nature park based on...Avatar. AKA, the highest grossing movie of all time that most people remember as “the preachy CGI flick with the Blue Cat Aliens”.

And they got Sigourney Weaver to act for, again, a freaking LINE.

I’ll be perfectly honest, if you go to theme parks for something OTHER than the roller coasters, I don’t know whats wrong with you, but it can’t be cured.

I also now know what I do on high octane roller coasters I’ve been on before: Laugh like Heath Ledger’s Joker.

The kind of people I see at Disney World: poorer families, pride celebrators, noble patriots, every color of the disability spectrum, and thousands of little kids.

The kind of people I see at Universal Studios: rich, white, millennial fans of Harry Potter.

So, Universal Studios now has a water park, with a special system where you can stand in a virtual line. It’s sort of like the newer Fastness system at Disney! The only problem? It doesn’t work.

This water park also has a ride called the Ko’okiri Body Plunge. Yes, pronounced like the race from Zelda. Interestingly, they are the only humanoid race from Zelda who can’t go on it.

The Body Plunge is basically a waterslide where you get in what looks like a cryostasis/cloning pod, and then a door opens and you fall 125 feet at a 70° angle. Then there are a few twists and you get deposited into a nearby 5 foot pool.

DO NOT DO THE KO’OKIRI BODY PLUNGE.

Bi pride is getting front row seats to a Blue Man Group concert outside the splash zone.

Biphobia is getting hit with smashed banana at a Blue Man Group concert outside the splash zone.

Seriously though, mad respect for the Blue Man Group, the only group willing to shoot jello at their audience with a high powered launcher.

I think I worked out Universal’s game: they place the Harry Potter stuff as far away from the entrances of the parks as they can, so the people only there for Harry Potter HAVE to walk past the other stuff in the park no matter what!

Also, both Harry Potter parks have those weird, hybrid, “watch the IMAX screen while the car moves until you can continue riding the actual roller-coaster” rides. And that won’t make ANY sense to people who have ridden one of them.

On our last full day at Disney, we (meaning I) went on every high octane roller coaster in Hollywood Studios multiple times, did Star Tours to prove to my family that it existed, and rid a slow moving car past some old animatronics. Oh, and watched an orchestra play Pixar music. Fun fun fun!

Walt Disney World: You’ll leave at 9 o’clock feeling like shit.

Universal Studios: You’ll leave at 2 o’clock feeling like shit.

And finally, I could return home, safe in the knowledge that as a wealthy white family, neither I nor my parents would be assaulted. Ain’t capitalism great?

And, that’s pretty much it. I’m sorry for posting this, please don’t unfollow me, and now I’m gonna go back to trying to beat the goddamn Trial Of The Sword. See ya in 2 months when I post again!