#there are shades of grey. esp when it comes to the complex way dean views himself and all the trauma and things he’s never beeen able to

[angelsdean]

anyways i think dean WOULD hate his younger self (at first) because he DOES see his younger self as both HIMSELF (so it doesn’t count !!) but also as a stranger he doesn’t recognize anymore (esp if it’s a pre-hell version of him) and feels a lot huge cocktail of shame / guilt / jealousy for ruining the future for his younger self AND for the fact that his younger self still hasn’t made HIS mistakes and he’s still pure and good and better than older dean thinks he’ll ever be. and also, sex work for survival and being a victim of sex abuse can make you feel shame / regret and older dean (who has neverrrrr had a chance in the narrative to deal with ALL the trauma he’s faced) likely would still carry some negative feelings toward his younger self for making those choices (even if they weren’t really choices ! even if he was often the victim !) bc older dean, even being in his 40s, has not yet learned to cope and process and heal and untangle the complex feelings of those experiences (also hell trauma and Michael possession trauma definitely retriggered and added to the trauma he already had re: his body and autonomy). And I think it’s just much more complex than dean meeting his younger self and just seeing a kid to protect. I think it can be both that AND he’s also grappling with a lot of internalized self-hate and guilt and shame. And I think exploring those themes is fun and good and narratively interesting.