#there is also a horridly jealous little goblin that lives in my heart that i am Also having to beat with the broom
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this is unrelated to literally everything but i am doing such a good job at. handling things rn. and i am proud of myself for it.
#i am so so so tired. but still have a little bit of pride for it.#even if i am actively beating the shit out of my brain in a death match and all i've got is a broom and gritted teeth#rattling the channels in the discord with my irl friends so very very violently. someone please look at me please god hello#there is also a horridly jealous little goblin that lives in my heart that i am Also having to beat with the broom#like. i'm happy for my friend! i'm glad she's getting the support she needs with her family! i am! i really really am!#but there is also a part of me that wants to just break down and bawl y'know. like i love my family but i think i know in my heart that#when i come out after i move out i'm going to lose all of them except for a few of my cousins. and i think that will shatter me. a bit.#a lot.#but as long as i don't think about it and continue to just violently shove the ''do your friends Actually care about you they never answer''#thoughts deep deep DEEP inot their box. i am fine.#overall. yes i am maybe dangerously close to a precipice and i really really don't want to go to work tomorrow#but for the moment i am on the side of victory and managing things well. and i am Going to cling here even by my fingernails if i must#until i can claw my way back over the line#y'know.
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