#there's a good chance I'm going to have to delay my graduation until may

[mbti-notes]

Is this the typical INTP behavior? I guess I've changed because of quarantine and/or my goals/projects being postponed. It's like I'm in limbo and I can't progress. I have become even more antisocial. I don't even have the energy to visit my family members or do things with them. I just want to be left alone. I surf the net, read, watch movies, work out, study. but I can't spend much time with others and don't have the energy to smile and role play. I also have become more cynical and...(1/2)

[con’t: And can't stop thinking about the things I don't have, the delay in reaching my goals, and whether I can reach my goals or not. and I secretly have gender dysphoria which makes things worse. I have graduated from grad school, but I still don't have a job yet. I wanted to work on my resume and then search for jobs. but thanks to quarantine, I'm still at home and it bothers me. my family is worried about me and my extreme introversion, but I can't open up to them.I never open up to anyone.  I sort of feel guilty for prefering solitude, and not having energy for my mom or other family members. but I can't function normally and the way they want without taking antidepressants. but I also don't want to be dependent on those. I have become a negative person, and my gender dysphoria, and my fear of missing out, and not reaching my goals have become like obsessions for me. Is there any way to get over obsessions for INTPs? Is my hyperfocus due to quarantine? How to get normal again?]

If you are uncertain about your type, then type assessment should be the first order of business. I won’t answer type assessment questions until people go through the process of writing up a detailed self-description as per the blog guidelines. If I’m not sure of your type, I won’t give type-related advice.

Why do you believe that you should be “normal” when living under very abnormal circumstances? Do you honestly believe that your environment plays no role in emotional well-being? This pandemic lockdown is hugely disruptive to everyone. I’d say that it might be the biggest disruption to society we’ve seen since the last world war (and I’m grateful that it’s not a war this time around). It’s perfectly normal to feel bad when your circumstances are bad. So, why not allow yourself to feel what you feel in accordance to the circumstances that you are in? The more you try to convince yourself that you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way, the worse you will feel, because you’re not acknowledging the legitimacy of your feelings. 

Generally speaking, if you “can’t stop” doing something, it means that you’re emotionally troubled. And the best way to deal with negative feelings and emotions is to talk about them and process them, which means that closing yourself off and never opening up to anyone is a form of self-harm. Once you’re able to process your feelings, you’ll free up mental energy to do positive things. When you don’t acknowledge your feelings properly, you create a disconnect between yourself and the reality that you find yourself in. Wishing for reality to be other than what it is, you cause yourself stress and suffering, as all of your energy is poured into the endlessly frustrating task of changing that which cannot be changed.

Generally speaking, whenever you meet any obstacle, the best approach is to ADAPT - survival of the fittest. Being adaptable nurtures a positive attitude in two significant ways: 

Confidence: You believe in yourself and your ability to get through any situation. Having confidence means that you have plenty of energy and motivation for creative problem solving and turning around negative situations.

Optimism: You know that the world is always changing, sometimes in ways that favor you, sometimes in ways that hinder you. No matter what happens, the world always offers up new opportunities eventually, as long as you remain patient and vigilant. Thus, there is no need to fret over lost chances, and lost chances may even free you up to take advantage of an even better opportunity around the corner. Life is unpredictable and throws all sorts of things at you, so it’s best to ride the wave than to fight it.

Adapting well means being able to make the best of your situation, such that you’re able to remain healthy, resilient, and productive in the face of obstacles, perhaps even leveraging the obstacles in your favor if you’re smart. In the current situation, it may involve but is not limited to: finding alternative ways to pass the time productively; working on yourself (building knowledge, practicing skills, personal development, etc); enjoying whatever activities are still available to you; nurturing gratefulness for what you still have; doing something to make the situation better for others; completing projects that you didn’t have time for in the past; etc. NPs always feel more energized by responding creatively to their circumstances due to exercising Ne, which is the opposite of what you’re doing. If you are retreating into yourself, falling into introverted loop, or obsessing/ruminating pointlessly, then you are not adapting well, because you’re not creating anything positive but, rather, amplifying the negatives. This then exacerbates the feeling of “getting nowhere” in a vicious cycle. 

I have already written about adjusting to the pandemic with patience, grace, and creativity (see previous posts). With access to the internet, there’s a lot you can do to work on yourself as a means to better prepare yourself to hit the ground running later on. There are a lot of good resources out there to help you learn, grow, or distract yourself as necessary. Also, many cities are offering low-cost or free mental health services during this time, delivered online, please look into your local area to see what’s available. If you’re really struggling psychologically, reach out for professional help. Suffice it to say that only you are able to change your mindset by always making the choice to focus on more positive things. Assuming that food and shelter are secure, living a slower, more cloistered life for awhile isn’t a death sentence, but it does require that you learn to love yourself enough to be comfortable spending more time with yourself. I think that this pandemic has revealed to some people how much they can’t bear their own company. If you suffer from gender dysphoria, loving yourself may be an issue that you need to work on. From self-love, you will always do what is good for your own well-being.