#therecoveringpirate

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An actual verbal exchange

this was an actual conversation between myself and a guy who looked like he could be either a hipster or homeless

Guy: Can I have a dollar?

Me: You’re wearing Yeezy’s

Guy: Sooo?

Me: I’ll buy your Yeezy’s for a dollar.

Guy: Go fuck yourself.

Downtown Los Angeles Ladies and Gentlemen...

xxxx

The Pirate

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

Gratitude List

1. My Mom

2. My ability to see

3. Sunshine

4. My EBT card

5. New Opportunities

6. Marie Callender’s Chicken Pot Pie

7. The number of meetings in my area

8. School

9. My Sponsor

10. I’m alive

xxxxx

The  Pirate

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

Gratitude List  3am version

1. Having this computer

2. I made money today

3. I have cigarettes

4.The friends who give me rides

5. Financial Aid

6. I’m sober right now

7. Being able to live at home

8.Coffee

9. The Vivitrol Shot

10. Reddit

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

feeling salty

So far this has been my experience with my family since I got clean and sober.

Everything is going super well....  yay our problems are going to be resolved.....

Shit, now there’s drama

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

Don’t you love when the people closest to you, who are suffering from their own PTSD due to the wreckage of your past don’t believe the shit you say even when you're telling the truth?

Yea me too

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

I heart my Home Group

I always enjoy being in my home group,,, going each week to be of service is one of the ways I get out of my own head. Seeing all the regulars, these people are becoming like my family. I have truly found my tribe and I am grateful for that fact. We”re always looking out for each other. These people and my commitment there are teaching me to be accountable and are helping to keep me clean. Thank you so much........ I need you guys

xxxxx

The Pirate

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

Gratitude List

1. Living in California

2. My homegroup

3. I’m  not homeless

4. I have a washer and a dryer in my home

5. Diet Coke

6. Having a jacket to wear when it’s cold

7. Being able to shower every day

8. My outpatient program

9. Bill W. and Dr. Bob

10. Not being in Jail on Easter

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

Motivation

I’ve already been through hell..... So give it your best shot. Not only will I survive, I’ll win

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

What Just Happened?

I had a really emotional talk with my mom tonight. We both cried. We began to argue after i wanted to stop doing homework and i wasn’t exactly done. I made a comment which insulted her. It processed to her yelling at me and I talked about my struggles to get clean over the past three years, and how I feel like she doesn’t offer much encouragement. I told her how I feel like my heart is cold towards people.I really love my mom and she thinks different. She says she let me go... I don't know what the fuck but it hurt to hear. I just want us to respect each other. But of course i have resentments and so does she, which she wouldn’t tell me. I offered AL-ALON or whatever and she wasn’t into it. I want for both of us to move on and improve in both of our lives, I just don’t know how to make that happen yet I now feel stressed as a motherfucker. 

xxxx

The Recovering Pirate

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Gucci’s experience, strength, and hope..........

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What’s up with people not respecting my new boundaries???

So a little backstory... My ex and I met while in treatment last year, I was kicked out for fraternizing with the opposite sex and they decided to leave with me. We spent the next month and a half getting loaded until I was taken out of the equation. We reconnected again in like January only as friends while they were in treatment in Ventura County. They were then kicked out of treatment for sneaking out to hang out with me and a mutual friend. Then they were sentenced to do 30 days of jail time. After getting this person kicked out of two treatment centers in the span of less than a year, I felt horribly guilty and explained that we were toxic to each other and to give me space. Cue to his mother who is in the program, repeatedly texting asking me to write/send pictures to this person. My non-response tactic backfired since the dad who is also in the program then asked if they put money on phone would I except calls from my ex which then lead to a super cringy text on Easter. Well now my ex has been released into the same program in Ventura and has spent the last two days calling and texting. I responded with this

Hi

I’m so glad you are back in treatment and that you’ve reached out because I’ve missed you. The thing is I’m not on the 9th step and my sponsor thinks it would be best to wait until then for us to have contact with each other. So I’ll contact you when I’m ready

laters.

Then today my ex’s old sponsor contacted me and asked me on a date.......

xxxxxx

The Recovering Pirate

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

Hypnotize Me

Soon I will need to take a test for a general requirement class so I can graduate. I need to place high enough so I don’t need to take a remedial course (cuz I don’t got time for that shit). Failure is not an option, so to help me prepare I saw a hypnotherapist yesterday. I told her I need help focusing and retaining the information. We then did our thing for an hour and she emailed me the recording of our session, after listening to it last night and this morning I feel more focused. Like today already I studied for 3 hours, went to the gym, showered, watched an episode of Suits, wrote a really nice text to my ex telling them to basically not to contact me for a while. And now I’m going to work on a research paper and go to a meeting in West Hollywood tonight.  My focus is like laser sharp I just wonder how long I can keep this going?  Maybe I’ll even go and see her for help with my addiction. Anyways for the  next month, I will be studying this subject for a least 3 hours a day 6 days a week, I hate making sacrifices

xxx xxx

The Recovering Pirate

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

I love the City of Los Angeles, I’m a local kid being born and raised here and all, but some of these streets bring back so many different emotions and memories. From 7/11 parking lots where I would pick up, to the different Walgreens I would buy rigs from, to the streets I would drive down with my ex. Every street corner has a story, and I want to make new memories in the city that I love.Trying to find creative ways to explore while having no money sucks, but this is my reality. That’s basically the reason why I try to go to different meetings all the time. First, they're free and I know I totally need them, second, going to a part of the city I don’t really travel to is cool, third I want to make new positive memories. This is the year of my re-invention and I want to change my perception of my city. So when I drive around I can point out positive landmarks, not the bathroom of that Taco Bell I shot up in or my cute ex-drug dealers house.

xxxxx

The Pirate

[therecoveringpirate-blog]

My Main Bitch

I just got back from a stag meeting by my house and I hate this meeting. Well, that’s not exactly true.. I just feel super disconnected from the people there. They all have decades of sobriety and are ballin. When I say ballin I mean like drug dealer type of money, the parking lot seriously looked like a rap video. I swear I’m not a hater, but right now in my life, I’m trying to make something out of nothing. And to hear an old-timer share about how shitty their housekeeper cleans and that their spouses are annoying. I’m not feeling that message. I mean after 20 plus years of sobriety I wish those are my type of problems but as a newcomer, I’m like clawing my way out of the trenches. The type of speaker I want to hear about is someone who has a little time who was desperate to get clean and hustle’s daily to stay clean, who can say things like life are hard but it gets better. Maybe it’s just my subconscious need to always feel like I’m in the mix and to be included. I guess I just feel like I don’t belong there and feel left out.

xxxxx

The Pirate