#theres 2.7k words of my emotions inside

[minkyuvld]

come and find me~

“It’s been a while! I have something for you.”

It was only a quick v-live today, just long enough to get the word out. Kyuu had spoken to his manager earlier in the week, and while he knew that the rest of his group had been enjoying the downtime while it lasts, it was close to torture for him. In the last few weeks it had become painfully apparent just how much he relied on PS for support beyond his immediate network of friends and group members. Everything he did, he did it for PS. To read their comments online, to hear them cheering for him at concerts, and to look into their eyes and hold their hands at fan events. So far, he’d mostly used his free time to focus on himself. Sure, he had pushed out a little bit of content, but it wasn’t enough. That’s where the next idea came in.

“I’ve missed you, hello~ Yes, yes I have something exciting for you. It’s going to be happening very soon. Can you guess what it is?”

Already, Kyuu was feeling a warmth that was slowly moving through his body as he read all of their curious comments, PS trying to guess what he would be doing. Of course, mixed between were various comments telling him that they love him, asking where the other members were, and asking for shout outs for various countries and birthdays. It was his pleasure to oblige on occasion, straight after reading a plethora of KYUU NOTICED ME!!!! comments. This is what he lived for. Literally. After letting them guess what he would be announcing for a minute or two, the idol pretended to rummage around in his shirt, humming as he searched before pulling out the painfully obvious finger heart, followed by a very cute laugh and a wink.

“I’m only joking! I always have hearts for PS, so that isn’t a surprise. The thing I wanted to tell you about, is that tomorrow at ten am on our Instagram, I’m going to be having a competition! I’ve tried to make it as fair as possible, but it’s kind of a work in progress so please bear with me~”

Pausing for another moment, Kyuu scanned the chat to read the excitement of the fans, watching them all speculate over what he was going to be doing. 

“I will be posting a picture to Instagram with a question for you, one that only PS should know the answer to. For ten minutes our DMs will be turned on, and you can send your answer to us, along with a brief comment about why you want to win the prize... Are you ready to find out what that is?”

Another pause for dramatic affect, allowing PS to build excitement. Before he spoke again, he banged gently on the table like a drum roll.

“The prize is going to be drawn randomly for fifteen lucky PS. Which will be a meeting and a meal with me~ As well as the other lucky winners, of course. I suppose the title of this v-live isn’t correct, since you won’t really be finding me, but we’ll be telling you where I am.”

There was a bright smile across his face as he watched the chat go wild. Both with positive and negative comments. As predicted, there were the international fans who felt slighted by the Korea based competition. There had been some PS kind enough to translate parts of what Kyuu had been saying, which he was thankful for.

“For those of you not eligible for the prize, I haven’t forgotten about you! If you are a winner and you aren’t able to attend the meeting, please let us know if you’ve been chosen. What we will do instead is, when it’s released, send you a signed copy of twentytwenty’s next album. Hopefully this will brighten your days, too. Please do know it won’t be me personally messaging on Instagram, it will be some of our staff so make sure you are extra kind to them.”

For the next few minutes, Kyuu continued talking to the PS in the chat, telling them about his days during the month that had been uncharacteristically quiet for them. When he could he tried to reply to some English comments, in English himself. He told them about his dance cover of La La La and learning with Fantizy’s Yuri, and he promised he’d been resting and eating well. They told him he looks healthy, and the truth is that he kind of does feel it too. As bored as he is, he wakes up feeling refreshed, and goes to sleep feeling content. Not to mention he knew that when he finally went back to work, they would be using his own choreography to promote their comeback. Overall he felt... Content, and he was sure he would feel even better after the competition.

“Okay, I’m so sorry but I need to go! I have plans, but I will hopefully be seeing some of you tomorrow. Goodbye for now, I love you.”

And with his last few hearts to PS, he turned off the v-live, filling with excitement as he thought about the next day.

****************

It was funny to think about, Minkyu wasn’t sure if he’d ever put as much effort into a real date as he had done with the event he was hosting today. Well, he thought that this could be considered a date too, in a sense. He was the Nation’s Boyfriend, inviting someone ( people ) to share in a fully paid for meal with him. Even if it wasn’t a romantic date, it was a similar gesture, and he couldn’t deny the excitement that was bubbling in the pit of his stomach. While it had only been announced yesterday, this is something he’d been planning for much longer.

According to his manager, organizing this with the fans online had been surprisingly easy, and out of the random, lucky PS that were drawn to win, there were about twenty that were unable to attend and were going to be sent signed albums in the future. He was assured they were all very excited to meet him, and they’d been sent a small list of rules to follow. They were simple things like the place and times of the event, not crowding around Kyuu, being courteous of other fans also attending, no video recording, and no intimate actions like asking for kisses or about invasive topics. His manager would be there the whole time, and there would also be security at the door... Just in case. 

While the whole restaurant was booked out for a few hours for them, there was a private room that Kyuu was waiting in until everyone showed up. He knew it would be awkward if he sat there as they trickled in one by one, especially since, as predicted, some of them were showing up early. At one o’clock they were finally let inside, and within minutes all fifteen were seated, with obvious seats vacated for Kyuu and his manager to join them. There were some at either side of the table, so he could try to spread his time between everyone equally. At the very least, there was going to be opportunities for photos and hugs later, so there would be a chance for all the winners to get their own personal experience with him.

The idol could hear the quiet chatter of some PS mingling with each other, excitement so thick in the air you could almost see it. Which, he tried to get a peek out of the private room door, peering out of a crack he’d made. It was about two seconds before the Nation’s Boyfriend was spotted by a keen eyed fan, a gasp escaping from some of the girls at the table who had seen him. 

Peeking his head out of the door a little more, he offered a small finger wave at them, and a quiet greeting of “hi~”. Shyly, they all greeted him back, offering their own waves and versions of hello and thank you. Some of them even began tearing up, hands covering their faces to hide how emotional they were. Once he’d stepped out from the room fully and closed the door behind himself, he offered the fans a bow in a proper greeting. “Hello, I’m Han Minkyu, twentytwenty’s performance leader, it’s nice to meet you~” He was grinning from ear to ear as he spoke, his manager watching close by with a keen eye to make sure everything was going the way it was supposed to. 

“It's my pleasure to invite you here, thank you for coming. I’m so excited to get to know you, and I promise I’m going to find the time to speak with each of you.” As he spoke, he finally made his way over to the vacated seats of the table, bowing once more before he pulled it out to sit down with them. The girl that had been lucky enough to choose the seat next to his looked like she too was about to cry, even more so when he made eye contact with her. The idol asked her for her name, and shook her hand gently with his the sweetest grin imaginable, squeezing her fingers between his own and kindly assuring her he wasn’t worth crying over. But, if she did cry, it was perfectly okay.

Continuing his way around the table and flashing smiles at everyone as he went, he briefly asked them about themselves, leaning forward to show that he was listening intently, and that his entire focus was on them in that moment. It was just a little something to break the ice before their meals arrived and they could ask him questions and speak to him if they so wished. Some of the guests were perfectly fine speaking to him, some of them weren’t, becoming even more emotional when his words were directed at them. 

The next hour or so was... Fun. The questions he was asked were actually well thought out, once the atmosphere had settled down no one else cried, and they were all courteous of him changing seats once their meal was over so that he could spend some time with those at the other end of the table. Plus, there was going to be some sweets after if they wished to indulge. Only the best when you’re on a date with the Nation’s Boyfriend. 

Eventually it was time to start wrapping up, and as sad as Kyuu was about it, he had been looking forward to it. Only because he knew this would be the time where he could spend one on one time with PS. At the end of the day, the hard work he puts in, the late hours and early mornings, and the clothes saturated with sweat after he pours his heart and soul into his practice. It was all for them. To have them look at him with hopeful, bright eyes, telling him that he’d made a difference in their lives. The fame and the money was nice, but that’s what it was really about. It was about them.

Hearing that they cared for him, that they wished for him to stay safe and healthy, and that they were proud of him always hit in a way that was unexpected. Something about hearing it from PS never failed to make his neck and his ears heat up. Almost like it felt intimate. Perhaps, he was craving those words of approval from a loved one more than he thought. 

Now isn’t exactly the time to go into it.

Another of the young girls stepped forward once he was finished saying goodbye to the person before her, leaving her with a selfie of them for a memory of their time together. Opening his arms, he allowed her to embrace him, his body hunching over just a little with the action because of how much shorter than him she is. “Hello, Hyun-mi, isn’t it?” He grinned as he pulled back, taking both of her hands in his own “Thank you so much for entering, and thank you for coming. I hope you had fun. I hope I lived up to your expectations~” The last sentence was spoken with a bright smile and a laugh, clearly a joke. Although, this particular PS had something to say about it.

“Kyuu-oppa, you’ve been very busy. I hope you had enough rest during your break, you really deserve it.” The young woman paused, squeezing his fingers back. “You need to take care of yourself, because all we want is for you to be healthy and happy, and you can’t be those things if you’re exhausted. Please promise you’re not working too hard.” The idol swallowed thickly with the words, another quiet chuckle leaving his lips. It was an attempt to hide the action of breaking eye contact and looking down at his shoes for a moment, trying to brush off what she was saying as if it were something casual, and not like the words were digging into his core like knives. 

The sentiment that health and happiness is more important than success and perfection is still a concept that’s foreign to Kyuu. His entire life it's been forced upon him, if you don’t succeed then you’ve wasted your time, and you simply didn’t try hard enough. Anything can be achieved with hard work, determination, and talent. The idol prided himself on having all three of those attributes. So, if he isn’t perfect, who’s fault was it really? If he’d practiced longer and harder, perhaps he would have been better. Perhaps he would have been the leader and not the performance leader. Perhaps he wouldn’t be stuck in a group with twelve other boys, overshadowed and constantly fighting for the spotlight.

The doubts in his mind can sometimes be debilitating, words echoing through his head with the voice of his mother. There were often times where he didn’t want to get out of bed, he just wanted to sleep for another hour and enjoy the comfort and warmth before he headed outside to their practice room. Again and again, day after day. 

As miserable and drained as he often felt, it was his job to assure her of the exact opposite.

“Thank you so much for caring about me, I truly appreciate it,” the Nation’s Boyfriend responded in a soft tone, a hand coming up to gently cup the side of Hyun-mi’s cheek as he once again looked into her eyes. “I promise you I have been resting well.” He hadn’t. “And I promise you I am eating well, and that I am very happy.” He isn’t. “Being with you all today has made sure of that. PS, people like you, have filled me with enough happiness to last a life time. As long as I have you all cheering for me, everything I do is worth it.” Perhaps, that part was somewhat true.

Another hug was exchanged along with a selfie, and if you squinted you could possibly see the way his watery eyes glistened with the lights from the restaurant. Some would say they were sparkling because he was so handsome. Kyuu knew better than that.

More thank yous and goodbyes were given, the twentytwenty member consoling some fans who were becoming upset once again. Before he knew it, it was over. The restaurant staff were moving the tables and chairs back to their rightful homes, and his manager was telling him it’s time to go. After a thank you to all the staff that served them that day, Kyuu gathered his things and did as he was told, getting into the car that was waiting for them outside. 

If anyone asked, it had been a fun, lighthearted day, a way to give back to some fans with some of his spare time. In reality, he knew it was going to keep him awake at night, causing him to stare into the dark abyss of his room, thinking over and over again about the kind words he’d heard today, and the way he would cling to them for dear life whenever he started to doubt if this was worth it.

Han Minkyu had organised a special day to give back to PS, but maybe he was the person who needed it the most.