#they are the only two ppl on this planet who use my pronouns the way i want them to be used. they switch it up every time and i love them

[cowboyhorsegirl]

Steve is most likely to end up in a lavender marriage and Tony's most likely to end up in a “married for tax/immigration/inheritance fraud” reasons.

They meet as married men and pine for each other hardcore and are also trying not to read too much into how their interest seems reciprocated and oh nooooo both Immigration/the IRS and the the Church/in-laws/DADT era army dudes or whatever are snooping around at the same time at each of their marriages and they have to be so good at being married at the people they are married to oh noooooo and they other guy doesn’t know why they are suddenly being iced out and maybe they were just imagining things? maybe it’s for the best with all these eyes around on them…

[sickeningradiances]

tagged by @cishethiruzen tysm!! ♥

What was your last

Drink: orange mirinda with ICE bc its SUMMER

Phone call: i dont remember but i dont talk to anyone else but momther

Last text: i just checked my texts and theyre all from bank and me asking the operator how much money i have...

Last song: Dehumanized by Disturbed

Last time I cried: its been some time! a good month! so im gonna say a month back from frustration

Have you ever dated anyone: i had.. 2 girlfriend and one boyfriend, who was a cishet, so in retrospect i hope he never finds out i discovered my gender

Kissed some one and regretted it: yep, im gonna say my ex bf

Have you ever been cheated on: not to my knowledge

Lost someone special: a few friends stopped talking to me, but im not mourning that anymore

Been drunk and thrown up: i havent been drunk for 3 years, but before that i did not throw up

List three favorite colors: gold, black, red (yes basic)

In the last year have you…

Made a new friend: yes it helped me a LOT with mental health

Fallen out of love: not yet but hopefully ill lose this stupid crush

Laughed till you cried: YEA when i killed ashe with my sparrow

Met someone who changed you: yes i’d say all of my new friends have helped me to become better

Found out who your true friends are: i guess?

Found out someone was talking about you: not to my knowledge.. Yet

Kissed someone on your FB friends list: i have no gotdamn idea whos on my fb friends list but i did not Kiss Anyone so either way no lmao

General

How many ppl do you know on your FB list irl: i have a feeling this thing is from facebook

Do you have any pets: MY CAT.... LIL SASKE, OR PIZZA JR i love him so much every day i am excited to come home to see him

Do you want to change your name: one day when i transition

What did you do for your last birthday: im Pretty sure i played overwatch as a highlight of the day

What time did you wake up today: 7:35 and i was late to work but 4 hours of sleep do that

What were you doing at midnight last night: gaming.. well i go to sleep at midnight so finishing up (and then i listened to mbmbam for 2 hours)

Something you cannot wait for: week in august when i’ll be home from work lmao AND destiny shadowkeep

Last time you saw your mother: this morning

What is one thin you wish you could change about life: about my life you kn ow... transition. but about life in general, im gonna say i wish climate change wasnt a thing and rich people wouldnt be killing planet but o Boy

What are you listening to right now: Walk away from the sun by Seether

Have you ever talked to a man named Tom: i dont think so?

What’s getting on your nerves: work... colleagues think i can write for 7 hours in this heat with my tired jello hands

Most visited website: ouch tumblr

Nickname: Pizza

Relationship status: single and dumbass

Zodiac sign: virgo

Pronouns: he/him

Fav tv shows: i dont remember..i dont really watch Anything but i do read books so here’s current two: ascension (obviously) and Ninefox Gambit (and rest of the triology) by Yoon Ha Lee

Hair color: brown, all red has grown out

Long or short: short

Height: 173cm..i think 5′7

Do you have a crush on someone: dont call me out

What do you like about yourself: i am really loving this new Can Read Books Pizza that ive never met before, i can finally focus on something for a while

Tattoos: constellation of virgo on my forearm, i want taurus next and capricorn after

Righty or lefty: right and i have to look at my arm everytime im trying to say sides

First surgery: none

First piercing: none agane

First best friend: in kindergarden i used to  have friend called Niki cause no one else liked me, so when she wasnt in for a day i just. sulked alone ajkfsk but also we could say my cousin michelle

First sport you joined: i liked and still like only volleyball

First pair of trainers: i dont fucking know

Right now

Eating: early dinner cause i had munchies

Drinking: same orange soda

Listening to: second one in same quiz.. well song changed so Words as Weapons by Seether (i am listening to only seether today for some reason)

Want kids: Not At All

Career: Ive always wanted to write or paint..but my interests dont hold for long

Which is better

Lips or eyes: eyes

Hugs or kisses: casually hugs but i woudlnt mind kisses smh

Shorter or taller: Everyone Must Be Shorter Than Me

Romantic or spontaneous: rrromantic?

Nice stomach or nice arms: ?? arms? id say hands

Sensitive or loud: sensitive.. whatever but not loud

Hookup or relationship: relationship ig

Troublemaker or hesitant: i used to be troublemaker but now hesitant

Have you ever

Kissed a stranger: no

Drank hard liquor: uhm yea im slavic

Lost glasses/contacts: never had glasses

Sex on the first date: i dont think ive had DATES but either way no

Broke someone’s heart: i think all of my exes broke up with me

Had your heart broken: yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Been arrested: lmao i dont go outside

Turned someone down: that would require people to ask me out lmao

Cried when someone died: i dont

Fallen for a friend: HEY I SAID DONT CALL ME OUT

Do you believe in

Yourself: IM TRYING

Miracles: hmmm depends

Love at first site: nnooo

Santa Claus: we  dont have santa lmao but i didnt believe in baby jesus for long either

Kiss on the first date: oh Yea

Angels: i want to but not christian angels.. just some supernatural beings

im tagging (sorry lmao i have no friends) @ashesucksatowofficial @artimidas @uchithot and @lady-efriyeet hi

[muckkles]

furnacelayer replied to your post

“this is the week of me barfing up andromeda critiques at anyone who...”

please tell me why to not buy this game

here’s something wild: im not actually gonna tell u not to buy it? i think if u wanna play and make ur own opinion thats good. its also still a mass effect game so even if u just wanna play to see some of ur favorite aliens or get to know the new characters thats good. i also have friends who are enjoying the game more than i am so its rly a matter of personal preference/taste. 

that being said, heres a long long LONG list of my Andromeda Opinions, under a cut for major spoilers. some are big things and others might seem nitpicky to u. keep in mind that i havent finished the game yet! but i have completed a good bit of it and i think im close to finishing the main storyline. i may add more to this list as i play more or as i remember more so maybe check back in a couple days for edits?

im gonna start with a list of things i actually like about the game cuz thats shorter and less spoilery. its mostly aesthetic/minor things tbh:

its a pretty game even if some of the textures dont always load properly. nice landscapes and whatnot to look at

driving the nomad is an upgrade from the mako and very fun. ive never gotten stuck somewhere in my vehicle. jumping around is also fun and the height u jump makes sure its hard to get stuck as well

u can give the nomad a paint job!

i like learning about the angara’s history and culture (angara are the new aliens. jaal is an angara) and i like that half of them have australian accents

theres little things that help u get to kno ur crew better. they send u emails and theres a crew message board in the common room that they talk to each other on. theres also plenty of convos to overhear on ur ship and in ambient dialogue as ur out n about. also ur crew has a specified spot that u can find them at for cutscenes with them but other times youll find their hangout spot changes around the ship which is cool it makes them seem more like real ppl

drack is good and my grandpa

theres a good amount of female turians, salarians, and krogans hanging around. also a larger variety of skintones (cute purple salarians!!)

explicit confirmation in an overheard conversation that some asari use he/him and/or gender neutral pronouns. angara also apparently have a range of pronouns they use to identify themselves (although u dont hear them of course :/)

when u look out the windows of ur ship u actually see the planet ur orbiting which is a neat addition. also the layout of ur ship is one map so no more elevators!

if youve never played the first three mass effect games (And thus have no basis for comparison) i can see how it could be a decent and fun game on its own

ok now on to things i dislike. i guess i’ll divide it by category? less spoilery stuff first but youve been warned:

general glitches - im sure youve heard of some or probably most of these. im only going to list the ones ive personally experienced. some of them have been almost game breaking and not in a good/funny way. im mostly mad about them cuz im playing on ps4 and console games are supposed to be, in general, much less glitchy than pc versions. And Yet..

npcs will randomly appear out of nowhere or slide into place from off screen

often characters skin textures lag or dont fully load

suvi has been sitting in midair instead of standing in a couple cutscenes for me

twice when kallo has stood up theres just been a giant dent where his right ass cheek should be???

the classic bioware “ur character is drinking but the cup is missing or in a weird position” glitch. im actually sort of fond of this one

i dont think they developed animations specifically for the angaras’ skeletons cuz when they cross their arms it just.. doesnt work right. they cant reach. their hands just sort of phase through each other in the middle of their chest.

one time i entered the escape pod room on my ship and the door closed behind me and wouldnt reopen so i had to load a save

a couple times ive had to talk to ppl for quests but the person isnt there when i get there. its just a floating quest marker. so i have to reload the area/my save

theres a side mission i cant complete cuz im supposed to kill all the kett in this one area but one of them just disappeared out of existence before i killed it so. the quest is just still there unfinished and its driving me crazy. 

on a planet named havarl which is a jungle world theres a layer of darkness at the forest floor indicated by how when somewhere is rly dark ur flashlight will automatically go on. one time i emerged from an area and my frame rate fell dramatically and i started moving rly slowly. at the divide where the darkness starts there was just a textureless black sheet across the whole world that looked like solid ground but i could fall thru it to the real ground. i tried reloading the area and my save multiple times and it didnt fix. i thought my save was permanently broken but then i restarted my ps4 and that did the trick

i rly dont think these can be explained away as andromeda being an open world game cuz like dragon age inquisition was open world and made by the same company and has similar sized areas with very minimal glitching (on console). the only major one i can even think of that ive experienced with inq on console is the one where if u start dialogue with someone in the middle of a jump u start hovering in the falling animation after but that is resolved quickly by just jumping again (i believe. i do remember its not permanent) 

combat - its pretty typical of an open world over the shoulder shooter tbh. theres plenty of cover and enemies can flank you. theres more options for melee which is cool. nothing else of note on that front except ways they messed it up which include:

for some reasons bullets move rly slowly?? might be a glitch but i have a friend whos complained about this too and i rly noticed after she mentioned it to me

you can only “equip” three different powers at a time?? u can save ur fave combinations and switch between them but honestly it sucks

u cant order ur squadmates to perform certain powers or if u can i sure as fuck havent figured out how

ryder is always on the left side of the screen which means ur always facing right in cover and cant peer around corners on the left of boxes and things?? its rly annoying

this one is just personal preference. i happen to dislike it overall but i understand why other ppl ive talked to like it: you no longer are set in one class. you have the ability to change at will any time. you can also spec in every single biotic, tech, and combat power. pros: u can respec and experiment without starting a new game. if u care more about taking ur fave characters along than strategy, u dont have to worry as much. which brings me to cons: if u enjoy the aspect of picking ur squad to make up for ur characters weaknesses and use strategy in that sense, this kind of renders that unnecessary (unless u just choose to purposefully limit urself). this also means that every single ryder is technically a biotic which sucks storywise imo cuz some ppl will choose not to ever use their biotic powers and that? doesnt make sense to me from a story perspective. i like the idea of choosing whether or not ur character is born a biotic so that its integral to ur individual roleplay/story/etc 

dialogue/writing/general story stuff - hoo boy. suffice to say this game does not live up to the original trilogy and fails in some areas where they Tried to make it better. more details:

a lot of the dialogue just Does Not Flow in the way im used to from having convos as shepard. ryder is bad at transitioning topics 

speaking of the way ryder talks, how awkward they are is like painful. major secondhand embarrassment and not in an endearing way. like in a wincing at the dialogue way. 

you cant choose to not be an awkward buffoon?? there are very very rarely dialogue options that make u seem competent or confident which sucks if thats the kind of character u wanted to go for. ryder is also kind of a weenie. they dont have the complete respect of their crew (good example, the argument cutscene on the tempest after u recruit jaal)

90% of ur decisions are boiled down to two dialogue options the “logical” one and the “emotional” one altho sometimes they seem to be flip flopped?? even in the paragon/renegade system u often got a third more neutral/sarcastic dialogue option and in dragon age inquisition (i kno i kno different series but same company and dialogue wheel mechanic) there was always multiple ways to respond to things with different personalities/characteristics

ur decisions straight up dont seem to have any consequences. like worse than usual for a bioware game. theres one cutscene where two of ur crew are arguing and u have to pick a side. i expected to have to cajole the one i didnt pick into being my friend again after but nope they just went on talking to me like nothing had happened. 

theres a couple times where the game doesnt allow u to disapprove of something that seems like a rly bad idea/thing depending on how u want to roleplay?? spoiler example: peebee reanimates a remnant observer to fight for u and ur only two dialogue options are in support of it and ur not given the option to say ummm what the fuck were u thinking??

ur introduction to the angara ppl rly rly lacked the significance it should have had. like u discover a new species, land on their planet, are there for all of 5 mins, and then suddenly youve recruited one to ur crew and ur on ur way again. then if u go back the nexus literally no one says anything or makes any sort of big deal about the fact that u made first contact with a new species!! like wtf!! i think theres like one line of brief congrats from tann and thats it

speaking of that. theres a real lack of diversity among sentient/sapient life in this game. theres a handwavey reason for the quarians/volus/batarians/elcor/etc not being there (their ark was delayed) and then the game only gives u two new species and only one of them is peaceful. so overall its just humans, salarians, turians, asari, krogan, and angara. plus the violent enemy, the kett.

god the cutscenes leave so much to be desired. the other mass effect games were so cinematic and engaging in comparison. im sure youve seen ppl complain about the lack of facial expressions and body language in literally any character (most noticeable in humans tho) but like. i just started a new me3 playthrough a few days ago and the first 30 mins of that game are so much cooler than any cutscene ive seen in andromeda so far even with the worse graphics

the trans npc that just. deadnames herself out of nowhere. to u, a stranger

the fact that gil is the only fucking gay man in the game and a major part of his personal story involves his best friend who is a straight female fertility expert/doctor/whatever who apparently constantly guilt trips him about not having biological kids and i guess bioware didnt see how this could possibly be homophobic or just generally offensive

miscellaneous - just general pet peeves i guess:

why the fuck do all the asari in this game have the exact same face

the sexual dimorphism in the angara just. kills me. at least the women dont have boobs.

u can choose music for ur room on the tempest but it wont fucking keep ur music on so u have to turn it back on every time u enter

god the game just dumps so much shit at u at once at the beginning of the game. its very overwhelming and honestly i still barely kno what the fuck im doing

i liked the cc at first cuz i think my ryder is good looking but after listening to one of my friends i actually agree its very restricting for a roleplaying game in 2017. u can rly only adjust preexisting features rather than completely switch them out. this is somewhat fogiveable tho since theres the issue of ur twin and parents having to look like u

personally i feel like peebee is very annoying which is a major disappointment cuz im rly gay for her whole aesthetic

the game is supposed to be all about exploration but two of the main worlds u explore are just a desert world and an ice world so. not much to see tbh. i will say that i had a lot of fun exploring and traversing habitat 7 (as brief as that is), havarl, and kandara so far tho. theyre the ones that actually feel alien but habitat 7 and havarl have relatively small maps

bioware decided to only create like 6? maybe? i havent counted but around that many different alien animal species to populate the worlds and be predators and theyre the Same on every fuckign planet even tho theyre all in different solar systems. i would have preferred it if there were even just like 2-3 animals that were unique to each planet cuz at least that makes sense.

have i said ryder is a weenie and a buffoon already

why can i still not kiss any salarians or krogans. bioware im comin for u

[misterbitches]

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.