#they prob haven't even noticed that i cut them off lmao

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

reason #83247 why i dont like engaging with irls 👁️👄👁️ under the cut bc this is just a vent post bc i triggered myself lmao

backstory: so i'm deadass too autistic to tell how frequently i'm supposed to engage with irls unless we actually have something to talk about AND can never actually tell when "drifting apart" has occurred

last summer, husband and i were throwing a wedding reception! planning was shit but i was like "its ok i'll see old friends and we'll have a decent time playing board games because husband and i are nerds and set up a board game table"

there were some irls that i thought i was pretty good friends with back in high school (now that i think about it, it kinda seems like they were just tolerating me tbh). i invited them and was overall happy to see them again. BUT when i followed up with them on if they were going to rsvp, and for the ones that did, what food they were wanting and all that fun stuff

some said they couldn't come because of money to come from some of the more southern states (college) up to chicago (where we were all from) and that they couldn't really travel around, which i took as face value. i understand that. some rsvp'd and i checked up on them and they deadass told me THE DAY BEFORE that they couldn't come anymore, which kinda pissed me off but i regulated enough to get through the reception

but then a week later, i saw that they flew from those southern states up to Washington to attend someone else's wedding. that someone else was someone that i did not get along with throughout my time with her, so the fact that they all flaked out on my wedding and attended hers + canceling last minute + deadass lying about why they couldn't come just set my bpd off through the ROOF and i ended up blocking/unfriending all of them because they could've at least been honest with me, but chose not to. part of me was like "i should give them the benefit of the doubt" but a bigger part of me was like "fuck this, i'm sick of people pulling this shit"

so tldr; a lot of irl's suck and i'm too autistic to tell when they're lying and that leads me to trusting people when i really shouldn't 👁️👄👁️

[fizzarollitm]

Realized I've never put down some lore I've created with @wcshedup about Fizz and his drug use so why not.

When they were younger, the trio never did anything deeper than Cash's booze or shitty skunk weed on a day off in their teens. Maybe got offered a bump from one of the Carnies who noticed them flagging but most people didn't want to fuck with the boss' kids for understandable reasons. It changed after his accident with Sloth sending him back home with a backpack full of pills for the pain & recovery post-prosthesis. For roughly a year he stuck with them but the moment he could cut it cold turkey he did with Cash in his ear wanting his star back.

And then Barbie had her accident and Fizz had an extra refill he never opened. Barbie was in agony with her hip & God knows Cash wasn't about to hike it to Sloth for her to get actually looked at so...she just wanted to sleep and Fizz gave her a couple of pills to do it; no biggie. You can guess how it went from there.

As he left the Circus and moved to Mammon he started doing coke and stimulants in general. They are everywhere and it's easy to shrug it off and take a hit when Mamm has him working back to back shows. He grew up seeing people take shit so he didn't think anything of it. Avoided it before a show but some of those M&Gs were especially sweaty lmao.

When Barbie's using picked up he enabled it even taking a pill or two for his own pain with a "I deserve this" feeling towards it. Again, it was all pretty normalized and he barely had time to think. He shrugged it off until her OD in his apartment. The doctor basically told him either admit her or she'll be back in a bodybag. He signed the check, took his name off emergency contact, and went LC while she went into recovery realizing he was enabling the fuck out of her. The two still haven't really talked since with Fizza "Avoidant" Rolli feeling guilt over the whole thing. It also made him quit with Barbie's voice in his head each time he thought he didn't have a problem.

Modern: Takes edibles for pain & to chill since smoking fucks his throat up. Is a hypocrite so he'll steal another dancers cigarette before a show if he is stressed the fuck out. It's mostly the motion he likes and shooting the shit with others during a break. His doctors (and prob Ozzie too) don't like this habit so he tries to keep it to a few times a month but you win some you lose some. He avoids heavier pain meds like the plague and will bare knuckle it after a surgery or adjustment rather than take something no matter how much it sucks in the moment.