#they were the first performance & santana was put under the spotlight by the guy who fully outed her to the ENTIRE STATE OF OHIO & now she

[boltgunkiller-archive]

i find it damn near impossible to get mad at santana’s behavior in 3x06 and 3x07 because i genuinely do think she had the right to be lashing out at everybody. sue me idk

[spaceorphan18]

What do you think are the most underrated glee songs? Like, they’re awesome and why doesn’t fandom love them more?

Oh this is such a neat ask! Let’s see, I think I’m going to list performances that I think are pretty good, but I don’t see people talking about as much.  You’re not going to see much Klaine on this list -- mostly, at least around these parts, I think their performances do get the recognition they deserve.  

Season 1: 

Push It (Showmance) - It’s really quite funny

Bust Your Windows (Acafellas) - Mercedes first gets to shine

Maybe This Time (Rhodes Not Taken) - Lea and Kristen Chenoweth kill this one. 

Dancing With Myself (Wheels) - I just like this Artie solo

Smile (Mattress) - I think both versions in the episode are pretty good, and one is a rare Finchel duet I enjoy

Hello (Hello) - Lea and Jonathan Groff are amazing together

Open Your Heart/Borderline (Power of Madonna) - I just wanna talk about all the Madonnas in the hallway

4 Minutes (Power of Madonna) - Kurt and Mercedes get their sexy on, and I don’t feel like that’s appreciated enough

Run Joey Run (Bad Reputation) - I mean, you guys, this might be one of the funniest things they show ever did, and the fact that the point was missed by so many made sure the show rarely did straight up comedy numbers again

Dream a Little Dream of Me (Dream On) - Artie w/Tina and Mike dancing, it’s cute and bittersweet

Season 2 

Sing (Duets) - It’s a super cute duet between Tina and Mike

Forget You (The Substitute) - Idec that it’s Holly, I love this one

Make ‘Em Laugh (The Substitute) - I don’t think Matthew Morrison gets enough credit for how talented he is.  

Just the Way You Are (Furt) - I’m not a huge fan of Finn’s singing - so I kinda of like to acknowledge when he does a good job, and I really like this one. 

The Living Years (Special Education) - The Hipsters rock it, man

Only Child (Original Song) - It is what is, okay?! 

Jesus is My Friend (Original Song) - I’m giggling just thinking about it

Bubble Toes (Night of Neglect) - Mike’s dance number is fantastic

Ain’t Now Way (Night of Neglect) - Merecedes’ numbers end up in the worst episodes, and it’s a shame, because sometimes they get overlooked. 

I’ve Gotta Be Me (Born This Way) - this song gets forgotten among the true gems during this episode, but it’s a nice Finn and Mike number

Nice To Meet You, Have I Slept With You (Rumours) - This is another hilarious original song done by April and Will often forgotten. 

Friday (Prom Queen) - As a boy band song, it really works

Season 3

Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do (The Purple Piano Project) - it’s truly amazing -- especially for an unknown guest start that’s basically one and done. 

Spotlight (Asian F) - Another Mercedes solo that I think flies under the radar. 

You and I (Mash Off) - Will and Shelby duet, the adult stuff often gets overlooked I think. 

We Are Young (Hold Onto 16) - It was probably over played on the radio at the time, but I think they did a fantastic job with the cover, and it works well as a group number. 

We Found Love (Yes/No) - Wemma gets a bad rap a lot of the times, but I think this actually really works, and is a nice scene

The Rain in Spain (Choke) - You guys, it’s a heavy metal cover of a classic song, I’m not the only one who finds that hilarious, right? 

Mean (Props) - Beiste and Puck singing a duet that fits their story well, but since we don’t talk about these storylines much, this rarely comes up. 

Starships (Nationals) - Unique is on fire, and I liked VA’s set more than ND’s.

Season 4

Call Me Maybe (The New Rachel) - idec, I love it and find it amazing and it energizes me, shut up. 

Busters Get Popped (The New Rachel) - still giggling

Chasing Pavements (The New Rachel) - I think Melissa Benoist got a raw deal having to be paired against Lea Michele, but I think she has a lovely voice, and really brings this one alive.  

Everybody Talks (Role You Were Born to Play) - it’s a nice song and a nice duet between Kitty and Jake

Whistle (Thanksgiving) - okay it’s not a good song, but my god does it make me laugh every time I hear it

O Holy Night (Swan Song) - Clearly, I’m not putting Rachel songs on this list, but this one -- I’m giving her this one.  This is beautiful and fantastic in all the right ways, and one of my favorite Rachel solos of the series.  One of the few times she’s not over emoting a serious song, and it’s a nice relief. 

Don’t Dream It’s Over (Swan Song) - It’s a bittersweet song that I think really works for the tone of the moment.  

Torn (Naked) - what another Rachel solo?? Yeah, visually, the duet with herself is really striking

Not Getting Married Today (I Do) - Let’s give Jayma Mays a second of recognition for her ability to do this one.   

You’re All the World to Me (Girls and Boys on Film) - Will and Emma duet that is notable for the choreography alone

How to Be a Heartbreaker (Feud) - the cinematography and choreography is unlike anything else on the show, so I find it fascinating. 

I Still Believe/Superbass (Feud) - I mean, let’s give Jane Lynch credit for spoofing Nikki Minaj, I mean, c’mon

Everybody Hurts (Lights Out) - I don’t like Ryder, and I really don’t like the actor who portrays him, but this acoustic version of the song is really fantastic. 

Superstition (Wonderful) - Mercedes, Blaine, and Marley on this Stevie Wonder classic that, again, flies under the radar a bit

Rainbow Connection (All or Nothing) - Glee snuck in a cover done by a third party participant at Regionals that’s really good, and you probably didn’t even know it. 

Season 5

If I Were a Boy (End of Twerk) - A lot of the newbie stuff gets (understandably) overlooked, but Unique’s version of this is emotional and haunting and often forgotten about

What The Fox Says (Puppet Master) - I don’t think this is as bad as everyone would have you believe.  

Away In a Manager (Previously Unaired Christmas) - I rarely give props to this episode for anything, but this was really well done, and the only song from this episode that I’ll listen to. 

Don’t Rain on My Parade (Frenemies) - Yes, it’s a jazzier/pop version of the song, but I think Santana does better with it than people give her credit for. 

Hold On (Trio) - I freakin’ love this group number.  It’s amazing. 

Toxic/Defying Gravity/Valerie (100) - lumping them together because I actually enjoy all of these better than the originals.  Oops. 

Loser Like Me (New Directions) - Yes, the lyrics are terrible, but I love this arrangement of it

LoveFool (Opening Night) - Omg, another Rachel solo - this one is also hilarious

Season 6

Tightrope (Homecoming) - Jane can really sing, these new newbies bring it

Home (Homecoming) - I think it’s a super tight group number that doesn’t get mentioned often, but really works. 

Bitch (Hurt Locker 1) - There has never been a more perfect Sue song.  Not sure if it’s underrated? But wanted to point out that it’s notable. 

At Last (A Wedding) - really the best part of that ceremony 

The Final Countdown (Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester) - It’s nice that they included one last comedic performance

Listen to Your Heart (We Built This Glee Club) - I’m glad Rachel and Jesse got one last number together

Take Me to Church/Chandelier/Come Sail Away (We Built This Glee Club) - I think the New New Directions last competition set list was pretty good! 

So, uh, yeah - didn’t see it on here? I probably really loved it and everyone knows that or I don’t think it’s that great to be remember, lol 

What are your favorite underrated songs? 

[leigh-kelly]

It’s Not a Fast Move, But a Slow Groove

[pixiealtaira]

Favorite Historical Figures

Pairing: Ends up Kadam, brief mention of Kurt/Blaine...more slice of lifey

The assignment was to ‘recreate one of your favorite historical figure’s iconical outfits in a manner that could be used on stage and then demonstrate the costume yourself’. The details were what Kurt was beginning to think was the norm for costume design…materials that wouldn’t bankrupt a company, details that were able to be viewed from the audience more important than ones that were more noticeable up-close, and remember you don’t want your actor to faint on stage due to heat exhaustion because of what you clothed them in. The teacher wanted the costumes to be able to be sung in, danced in, and acted in, after all they were attending a school for the performing arts and half the students were in the musical theater track.   Kurt Hummel was never one to back away from a challenge. His favorite historical figure was Queen Elizabeth I and even if demonstrate it yourself meant wear it yourself; he was going to stick to the assignment (extra credit was given for cross gender costume that didn’t look silly, which did help make his decision easier.).

He finally decided on the red brocade overdress over the white with gold brocade dress from the painting of Elizabeth as a Princess.  Due to the headdress he wouldn’t even have to form a wig, he didn’t think.  He reinforced the pearls over the shoulders to actually support holding up the dress so the sleeves could be attached in a manner to allow greater arm motion, plus used large pearl beads so they could be seen.  The flat bodice made it so his lack of breasts wasn’t very noticeable at all and due to some decent support in the structure of the under skirts, he managed to keep the skirts from wrapping around his legs as he walked and danced, and the weight distributed so it wasn’t too heavy to wear for a good scene or two (thank god modern materials could be used in construction…he found a cream lightweight crushed velvet which he’d had a acquaintance from the diner do huge machine embroidered paisleys on with gold threads which had been perfect for the underskirt and undersleeves).  He noted in other dresses from the same time period they generally weren’t to the floor, so he made sure the skirts floated two inches off the ground, which also helped with the ability to move in the dress. He used black buckled shoes which he’d bought as a lark for wear with a revolutionary war period getup he’d planned on making.  They were easier to dance in than his GaGa heels.  Due to the fact he was a guy, the flat bodice also didn’t restrict his ability to breathe and sing much.  He recreated the headdress, complete with a stuffed snood so it looked like he had hair done up in the back, and the jewelry.  He was very proud of the costume when he had finished.  The details were clear, yet large enough to show on stage.  It was true to period and style yet constructed in such a way not to hinder movement and breathing. He was certain he would be able to sing and dance and act in it.

The first time Kurt Hummel wore his costume and design project he was still living in the loft with Rachel and Blaine, Sam and Artie were over. He wanted others opinions on whether the pearls were large enough on the necklace and headpiece and if the jeweled belt could be seen.  He had expected to be teased…for making the costume for a female instead of a male, and for wearing it.  He had not expected the fall out that he was subjected to though.  He had not expected harassment.

“You’re willing to wear a dress for your grade?” Artie had shouted.  “You’ll cross dress for a grade but you refused to do so to win us nationals!”

“We won without me crossdressing guys.” Kurt said. “Besides, a grand total of maybe 40 people will see me wear this for Costume and Design, and all those are theater majors of some sort who would probably all cross-dress if needed for their art, as compared to thousands who would have at nationals, most who would have found the practice morally repugnant.  Not to mention this is a classy costume and what was handed to me at the point in time was tasteless and nasty.”

“So.  It’s the principle of it.  I can’t believe how selfish you are.” Rachel lit into him.

“Rachel, IF I had agreed to that ploy…I would have had the spotlight, you know.  YOU wouldn’t have gotten your second chance.  YOU wouldn’t be here at all.” Kurt snapped.

“You don’t know that!” Rachel hissed.

“I do.  IF I had agreed to that deceitful mockery I would have only done so IF I had the individual solo and the spotlight and solos for the group songs.  There would have been no other option and there would have been no point to dressing me up like that in the first place unless I was who was showcased.”

“How dare you!” Rachel snarled and then stomped off into her room.

Kurt snorted.

“Anyway…do the pearls around the shoulders and neck need to be larger or can they be seen and can you see the chain belt?”  Kurt asked.

Sam shifted uncomfortably but was the only one to answer.  “They are fine.  The belt shows up because you used that black chain.  Are those real earnings?”

Kurt chuckled.  “No, they are modified ear cuffs so there are no holes required.”

Sam nodded.

“I still can’t believe you are willing to dress in a dress for a class.” Artie grumbled.

“Do you think more might have been at play than just dressing in women’s clothing, Artie?” Kurt snapped. “I mean, think about it for a few moments.  I dressed for a week in a silver GaGa outfit that wasn’t far off from a dress for Tina and dealt with the harassment from that from not only the jerks in the school but several of the New Directions as well.  I wore a kilt to prom and I have never regretted it.  I often wore other things that were along those lines. Now, think to the times I did NOT!”

Artie shrugged.

Kurt sighed.

“I am male. I don’t see myself as a female. I don’t want to be a female.  I am a gay man. Rocky Horror I refused because of the assumption that I had to be aching for that part just because I am gay.  And that all gay men want to dress in women’s lingerie. But that national’s competition was a whole other issue. If I had faked being transgender, if I had gone out there in that dress and faked it all pretty much to spite those whose identity that represented, I would have been a destructive force in an all too real fight.  I would have been mocking people who I respect and whose struggle I should be helping with.  Everything I have always tried to be would have been destroyed.  Also, have you any idea how hurtful it was to just assume I’d do it because I am gay?  I wasn’t the only gay one in that room but you all never even thought of asking anyone else.”  Kurt turned and swept back into his room to change out of the costume.

The skirts swished perfectly.  He could at least storm off stage if it was called for.

Sam and Artie were gone when Kurt returned to the living room area.

Blaine was sitting on the chair with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring.

“Yes?” Kurt asked as he sat on the couch.

“You will not be wearing that.” Blaine stated.

“Yes I will, it is my costume for design class.” Kurt said.

“Kurt, you are going to ruin me!  If you wear that my whole reputation will be shot!  Everyone will look at us funny and gossip about us behind our backs, and not in the good way.” Blaine whined.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Now you’re being ridiculous.  No one is going to say anything unless it is so poorly put together that it falls apart when I go to dance.  Then I will be made fun off. No one is going to think anything about you.”

“God, sometimes you are so stupid. People talk about us all the time, I am certain of it. I just know I have been fighting against your brief time as an Apple and that is why I haven’t been asked to do anything huge like a showcase.” Blaine explained.

“IF my time as an Apple had any effect, it would have it on me. As much as Rachel always thought what I did affected her, it never did.  It doesn’t for you either.  Your actions and behavior are what affects you.  Not mine. I can guarantee that your demand I not wear my costume and design project because you don’t want me to would have a much larger effect on you than my wearing it.” Kurt said.

Blaine snorted.  “If you wear that, I’m not having sex with you for at least a month.”

“Really?”  Kurt asked.

Blaine glared and marched out of the loft.  “I knew you really didn’t care about me and my reputation here.  All you care about is yourself.  Rachel is right, Kurt, you are selfish.  You don’t care about how anyone else feels.  I thought we had dealt with this and you had realized you needed to focus on how I felt about things, but I was obviously wrong.”

Blaine stomped out and slammed the door to the loft shut.

Kurt rubbed his forehead and wished Dani and Elliot were in town for the umpteenth time over the last few months.  After being bashed in the head and dealing with Blaine’s melt down over attention paid to him and Rachel’s decent into insanity, Kurt had about had it. He constantly considered cutting his losses and dumping Blaine (and Rachel and Artie and Sam and Santana and Britany and sometimes even Mercedes). But then everyone would point out how wonderful Blaine was and how lucky he was to have Blaine. And most of the time Kurt would focus on that, but that night after trying on his costume, he couldn’t.

Costuming was just going to have to go onto the list of ‘things Kurt did not talk about’, except with people who needed to know.  It now contained: vocal performances at NYADA other than those directly related to class which Rachel and Blaine therefore knew about and the midnight madness win, friends outside the Lima group, participation in any sort of senior’s projects, anything dealing with combat class, anything dealing with any of the Apples, anything like Yoga classes or extra dance classes, anything dealing with Vogue that isn’t chasing about, and now costuming outside of work at Vogue.

Kurt sighed.

The second time he wore his costume and design project he wore it for the class.  Out of the 15 men in the class he was one of six who was dressed as a woman. Six of the 12 women in the class were dressed as men. The assignment was your favorite historical person, so no one was fazed.  The only talk about the class that Kurt heard throughout NYADA was that the class was double length and on the stage so stagecraft had to work around the costume and design students and that when Eliza Johansson, a senior who’s main focus was dance, went on stage to show she had full range of motion and could sing in her costume, the costume fell apart and she was left in just panties, stockings and slippers.  Turns out she glued things together.

After his turn on stage, where the costume received great praise and he received the highest marks for the class, Kurt put the whole thing in a garment bag and tucked it into his closet. No one asked about it.  No one spoke about it. Blaine never even brought it up again (which also meant Blaine never heard anything about it and probably assumed Kurt never wore it since Blaine told him not to). Much later, after his relationship with Blaine exploded in flames and Rachel crashed and burned, in Lima trying to patch everything and everyone, but himself, up, Sam once brought the costume up.  They’d been drinking and Rachel had hold of a microphone and was off in her own world ignoring everyone she’d dragged with her to the bar they were at.  Kurt had told her no and she was drowning her sorrows before Kurt went back to New York.   He thought about her suggestion of staying and helping recreate the glee club, but then she spent an afternoon bossing him around and micro managing everything and he realized how little he missed that. Watching Blaine with Dave…and without Dave around while at the bar flirting with anyone who walked by…had reminded Kurt what he’d been avoiding remembering, as did listening to Blaine complain about things, little tiny things that didn’t matter.  It eased his mind about it all.  As did his dad’s reminder that he didn’t even need to be thinking of dating just a few months after a major break-up if he didn’t want to yet.

“Kurt, what did you get on that costume project?” Sam asked.

“Huh?”

“You know…the dress?” Sam said.

“Oh, yeah.  Queen Elizabeth’s dress.  I got the highest score of the class.” Kurt said.

“And you wore it?” Sam asked.

“Of course, I sang in it, acted a scene, and danced.” Kurt said.

“And no one said anything?” Sam asked.

“Sam, it was NYADA.  I was one of six men in a dress that day. Mark’s favorite historical figure was Cleopatra and he went with a very diaphanous linen to make her costume, and went nude under it.  The only commentary I got was that I had talent working the heels. You modeled long enough, was everything always strict gender norms?”

“No.  That’s why I didn’t really say anything.  That and you looked good and you didn’t look like male in a dress, you know.  It looked….right.”

“That is the cut of the bodice.  That type of bodice doesn’t show cleavage so much, so you don’t’ look ‘odd’ without it. Also the sleeves are full and so arms are covered.  Those parts that we see showing strong men or women aren’t displayed so there is no visual marker to count on.”

Sam made a thinking sound and Kurt went back to nursing his drink and watching Rachel nearly fall as swayed while she sang.

Kurt didn’t wear the costume again until the end of his senior year at NYADA.  The school was hosting a Ball, with the theme Gender Swapped Historical Figures.  Ever since he had returned to the school for his third year, Kurt joined in.  He participated in the activities the school offered.  He joined clubs.  He tried out for the plays and other performances. He worked stage crew. He joined study groups.  Basically, he did everything Rachel told him not to do because it would make him unpopular.

He made friends, in the other students and staff alike.  Kurt started the band up again when Elliot came back from his retreat, fully trained to teach Yoga and as a masseuse.  They replaced their drummer and added a guitar player and another singer after Dani decided she couldn’t be in it any longer.  However Dani wouldn’t let them waltz out of her life either, so both Kurt and Elliot spent time with her as she rose the ranks in her derby skating.

Elliot was dating one of the guys in Vocal Workshop with Kurt, so they decided to go all together to the ball. Axel, as he liked to be called, still made Kurt laugh after two years.  He reminded Kurt of Mike Chang, except he was a bit taller and had a much greater habit of swearing in Chinese whenever someone annoyed him.

Elliot and Axel were going as Ching Shih and Rachel Wall, female pirates extraordinaire, as Axel put it.

“You went for historical figures who dressed more like men?” Kurt asked when they announced their choices.

“But, Pirates!” Axel said.

“Are you announcing your outfit anytime soon?”  Elliot asked.

Kurt shook his head. Mostly because he hadn’t decided yet. He considered making a new costume, something less…just less.   In the end, Elizabeth was his favorite and he was quite proud of the outfit.  The echoes of voices from the past kept him from getting dressed at home.  Instead he brought it with him to the school and dressed in one of the empty practice rooms.

As he dressed, situating straps and chains and headpieces, he banished echoes one by one until all that was left was eagerness to join his friends and enjoy the party.  The only thought surrounding the costume from before was ‘What would Sam think of a whole auditorium filled with crossdressing people?”

The third time Kurt wore his costume and design project he was prepared for teasing, after all Elliot was aware his middle name was Elizabeth.   He did not expect the reaction he received though.

“Kurt?  Oh My God, you are gorgeous.” Elliot said.  “That dress is exquisite.  Where did you get it?”

Kurt beamed.  “I made it for my costume and design class.”

“The one you were taking right before I went to the retreat?”  Elliot asked.  “Please tell me you got top marks.”

Kurt preened. “Of course I did.”

Axel prowled around him, instructing him to lift his arms and tugging on the dress here and there.

“The construction is extraordinary and I love the fabric choices.  I wish I had thought about the crushed velvet option. I went with normal velvet and it was very heavy and hot under the lights.  I love the use of the large pearl beads.  I bet they show up better from afar.”

Kurt beamed.  He hadn’t even entered the ball and he was already receiving the type of comments he had hoped for way back when.

Kurt commented on Elliot and Axel’s outfits as well, admiring the silks that went into Axel’s and Elliot’s choices all together.  Moments like these…where their art was focused on as they went about the fun was what he’d realized NYADA should be all about.  As they moved towards the auditorium where the ball was taking place, which at first struck Kurt as bizarre until he finally entered the huge auditorium that NYADA staged its main performances on…not the one the Apples practiced in or that the drama classes used for class or that stagecraft worked its basic construction training on, and realize how much space was on the main stage, especially with all the curtains pulled back and up and both side stage areas opened and the orchestra pit covered  and the stage extended front as far as possible, they met with others and the whole costume construction and explanation game was played through each time.

Kurt laughed as they entered the auditorium.  Props and stage pieces from various shows were put into use as decorations.  Tables lined the back wall with desserts and drinks, while sections of seating were blocked by displays of historic artifacts purloined for the prop department but which were actual antiques…limiting the seating to the chosen areas.  There were well over a hundred people in attendance already, including several staff members. Music filled the room and lights flashed and danced.  Kurt smiled and bounced with excitement.  He dragged Elliot and Axel into the mass of people already down at the stage dancing.

An hour later Kurt had wondered up to the dessert tables and was contemplating between the doughnut holes or mini tarts when he heard his name called from the table over.

Mr. Hampton, call me Eric, taught the higher level drama courses. Kurt loved him.  He honestly was so entranced by his class when he first took it during his second year that he hunted down workshops and lectures the man taught so he could learn from him at every single opportunity available.

“Kurt, come over and meet the man who will be taking over half the Drama First year courses starting next spring.  He also has landed himself a Shakespeare in the Park role…or two.  He graduated from here a few years ago. “  Mr. Hampton tugged the suit jacket sleeve of the man standing next to him to have him turn Kurt’s direction, going on to address the rest of the comments to the man in the suit. “Kurt is probably one of the most well rounded students at NYADA right now, even though he is focused on Musical Theater.  He simply shines in all his classes and gives his full commitment to whatever task he is set. I swear he could work anywhere in the theater community.”

Kurt moved over towards Mr. Hampton as his friend turned around.

“Adam.”

“Kurt.  You look …breathtaking.”

Kurt blushed and smiled.

“You look wonderful yourself, however, I think you are inappropriately dressed, sir.” Kurt responded.

Adam chuckled. “I missed the memo telling me it was the themes ball.  Are you here with someone?”

Kurt shook his head. “Not really. My friend and his boyfriend have disappeared somewhere. I was going to walk around to try to find them after I found a snack and a drink.”

“If Eric doesn’t mind, I wouldn’t mind joining you.”

“That would be nice. We could catch up.”

Mr. Hampton smiled and waved as he walked off, even though he wasn’t sure Adam noticed.

Kurt and Adam wandered the ball, dancing a few times as they talked and looked for Elliot and Axel, who they walked by more than once without realizing it.  Elliot finally had to stand in front of Kurt so he couldn’t pass by to be introduced and to tell Kurt he and Axel were heading out as the clock had struck midnight ages ago. Kurt waved as they left, and then he and Adam went and sat at the far back of one of the designated seating areas to talk some more.  Kurt and Adam didn’t leave until the clean-up crew had finished and wanted to turn off the lights.  Then they relocated to an all-night diner not far away, Kurt changing before leaving the school so not to get his gown dirty.

At the party Elliot threw Kurt for landing his first major Broadway role, most people in attendance commented in confusion at one of the photos gracing the wall.   Instead of answering when people asked why there was a photo of Adam and some women at some sort of dance, at a party for Kurt of all places, even if they were engaged, Elliot would laugh and Kurt would just smirk.

The dress ended up in the costume department of NYADA and saw stage time at least once a year for decades.

[slipping-through-my-fingertips]

I’m Your One-and-Only, Only When You’re Lonely

For my darling Darren’s birthday, a new fic! 

Summary: Kurt has feelings for his usually hookup, Blaine. With nothing but a stage and a song he thought would never see the light of day, Kurt uses his band to help him tell Blaine his thoughts on their relationship.

Warnings: Not a satisfying ending, sorry. A touch of smut (my first time writing it so it’s not intense or anything too graphic).  

AO3

Song Used is The Cab’s “Temporary Bliss”

***

One Tree Hill didn’t play many gigs during the school year. It was hard balancing NYADA classes, Spotlight Diner shifts, auditions, Vogue internship, and band practice. Four of those things were necessary for Kurt’s future and unfortunately, the band often took a backburner. Elliot and Dani understood since they, too, were college students with their own responsibilities. However, they booked as many gigs as possible over summer break. Despite Elliot taking a summer course, he insisted they practice as much as humanly possible before gigs and Dani was the one to thank for their first gig. It was opening night for a new bar, which (hopefully) meant a bigger audience than they were used too.

Dani was finishing tuning her guitar before they went on when Elliot in full Starchild attire approached Kurt.

“You’re sure about this, right?” Elliot asked. “He is in the audience, right?”

“I’m sure and yes.” Kurt peeked at the crowd and tried to find the table of his friends.

Rachel spotted him and waved dramatically as to draw as much attention to herself as she can. She was newly single so Kurt guessed she was really putting herself out there tonight. With her were Mercedes, Santana, and Brittany. His girls were the closest he had to family in this city and the fact that they were all able to make room tonight to support him meant the world.

There’s another table not too far away from the one where the girls were sitting filled with people Kurt can’t bring himself to call his friends. Sam, Tina, her boyfriend Mike, and Blaine were all sharing a pitcher of beer. Blaine and he were definitely friends and Kurt loves hanging out with the rest of them. The thing is do you call the friends of the guy you’re sleeping with your friends? Are the hangouts just weird and they only invite you because they feel they have to invite you? Are you actually their friend or do they just put up with you because of their real friend’s connection to you?

Kurt had been sleeping with Blaine for almost a year now. It started as a friendship but after a third failed first date with three men Kurt had thought were great guys, Kurt crashed at Blaine’s apartment and ended up kissing him. There was a period of awkwardness before Blaine brought it up again. Then, their label shifted to a friends-who-occasionally-kiss before settling into a friends-with-benefits relationship a month later. There was a hope inside Kurt that it would shift again to a real relationship. He really liked Blaine and for a while was comfortable having Blaine in whichever way he could but now he wanted more or nothing at all. If Blaine didn’t want him, Kurt had to heal his heart even if it meant not having Blaine around anymore.

As any good performer would, Kurt dealt with his feelings by writing a song. While writing, he didn’t think Blaine would ever hear it or anyone at all. Tonight, he was not only singing it to people but to Blaine and all their separate friend groups.

Kurt’s nerves typically disappeared when he’s on stage. It’s become his home over the years. The one place he will always belong. He swore he can hear Mercedes and Rachel’s yelling over everyone else in the crowd, which helped calm his heartbeat but does nothing about his sweaty palms. They played a lot of upbeat covers before Elliot announced halfway through the set that they’re going to play an original song. For a moment, Kurt let his eyes close as Dani starts playing the chords. He opened them and started to sing his own words.

“I come over, quarter past two

Love in my eyes, blinded by you

Just to get a taste of heaven,

I’m on my knees

I can’t help it, I’m addicted”

***

“Fuck,” Blaine murmurs into Kurt’s neck.

He has him pressed against Blaine’s bedroom door. Kurt is sucking the spot directly below Blaine’s earlobe hoping for a bruise. Once Kurt is sure Blaine will be thoroughly marked in the morning, he starts trailing kisses down the boy’s body.

Shirts had been removed in the living room so Kurt is able to drag his tongue over Blaine’s nipples briefly before continuing to move his mouth down Blaine’s stomach. While his mouth kisses every muscle, Kurt’s hands are working to take off Blaine’s jeans pulling them down his legs. Blaine steps out of his pants and gasps when Kurt cups his hard-on through his boxers.

“Any preference?” Kurt asks, meeting Blaine’s darkened eyes.

Blaine’s head falls back against his door. “Your mouth, please, Kurt.”

Wasting no time, Kurt pulls Blaine’s boxers to the floor and wraps a hand around Blaine’s dick. Then, he attaches his mouth to the tip and sucks the length as far into his mouth as he can manage.

***

There were people dancing, swaying, to the music he wrote. Kurt couldn’t help the beaming smile taking over his face. Elliot was proving to be his usual amazing self supplying some background vocals and Dani was as fierce as ever on her guitar. Kurt’s glad he was able to convince Finn to come to the city to be on drums for this performance. Deep down, his stepbrother missed the spotlight of Glee club.

He didn’t dare glance at Blaine’s table fearful of what expression might be decorating Blaine’s face. The plan was to live on this happiness high for as long as he can avoid the inevitable.  

“Cause I can’t keep sleeping in your bed

If you keep messin’ with my head

Before I slip under your sheets

Can you give me something, please?

I can’t keep touching you like this,

If it’s just temporary bliss.”

Kurt met Elliot’s eyes instead and his grin widened when his bandmate winked at him. There’s a proud gaze in his eyes as well. Elliot always told Kurt about the star waiting to shine inside himself if Kurt just let it out. Tonight, the voices who had told Kurt he wouldn’t make have gone silent.

***

Kurt likes spending the night in the room that’s almost as familiar as his own. He wishes they slept like couples do, cuddled together under the sheets after making love. But they fuck and sleep side-by-side not daring to touch one another.

Some nights, Kurt will lie awake his body facing Blaine’s and watch him. He even whispers words he wishes he could say when the boy is awake. Is it too much to ask for an emotional connection with Blaine? Does that add complications or get rid of them? Will adding strings to their relationship end it altogether?

When he leaves the next day, Blaine has already left for work. There is no note by the bedside or even warmth from where Blaine has slept. With a sigh, Kurt finds his clothes on the floors of the apartment and gets dressed to leave.

As the door locks behind him, Kurt wonders what it must be like to have a key to reopen it.

***

“You’re just playing…

I keep waiting for your heart,

Keep waiting for your heart”

Rachel was mouthing some of the words since she’s heard Kurt singing this song in the shower these last few weeks. The melody was often being hummed in the kitchen as they prep meals together as well. Words were written on the edges of homework assignments. She prided herself in being able to memorize music fairly quick, a trait she was proud to share with Kurt. This tune, in particular, was repeated frequently, Rachel was able to make it a part of her personal repertoire.

“Ain’t subtle at all, is he? Never learned that skill,” Santana comments.

“At least, he’s learned to express himself beyond the wardrobe,” Mercedes counters.

In all the years, Rachel had known Kurt, he certainly wasn’t subtle but he was never direct with his crushes like he was right now. She looked over at Blaine, who seems to be in a trance. His friends were still having conversations but he had completely tuned them out in favor of listening to Kurt.

“I’m your one-and-only

Only when you're lonely

Baby, why you calling me?

Not another one now,

Trying to be your whole life

I don’t want to fall asleep.”

The song came to an end and Kurt moved away from his microphone giving Elliot center stage to continue with their planned set. Kurt looked at his feet expecting to see his heart laying there. He’s just laid it out for everyone, especially Blaine, to hear his thoughts and feelings. Isn’t that what songs were meant to do?

When Kurt’s ears stop ringing, he marvels at the crowd’s reaction. His table of friends was on their feet jumping, clapping, and yelling like absolute hooligans and Kurt loved them for it. The rest of the bar’s patrons were giving him applause too and only seem to stop because Elliot had begun singing their next cover.

***