#it was mean. yes that’s true. but i don’t think you understand how different those two things are

[boltgunkiller-archive]

i find it damn near impossible to get mad at santana’s behavior in 3x06 and 3x07 because i genuinely do think she had the right to be lashing out at everybody. sue me idk

[moonstruckme]

Sorry for sending requests back to back lol, I keep having my brain work and it's crazy:

UR RECENT SIRIUS FIC GAVE ME AND IDEA! imagine poly!marauders where both reader and sirius speak french? And maybe reader uses it more when she sleepy (that's usually when I speak french), so she's just sleepily gushing to sirius abt him and james and remus and HOW MUCH SHE FUCKING LOVES THEM AND HOW PERFECT THEY ARE AND SHIT??? Omfggg

Sincerely, :]

Omg yes, thanks for requesting my love!

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 719 words

“You’re all too nice to me,” you mumble as Sirius pulls your hair back into a loose bun, James washing your face with a moist cloth. “I love you guys. Not just for this, though. I love you in general.” 

Sirius’ lips curve as he watches bemusement find its way into James’ expression. He wonders if your decision to make your lovey-dovey declarations in French was even a conscious one, or if you’ve just defaulted to it as you sometimes do when you’re this sleepy. He decides to answer you in it regardless. “I love you in general, too, my sweetheart. And we’re not even as nice as you deserve.” 

“I don’t like it when they do this,” James says to Remus, even as he dries your face with a loving hand. “It’s exclusionary.”

“They don’t get it,” you lament to Sirius, catching his smirk in the mirror. “It’s so much nicer when you’re lazy. The words just flow.” 

“I don’t know,” Remus answers James, spitting toothpaste into the sink. “It’s kind of hot.” 

Sirius’ heartbeat picks up frighteningly quickly, but his grin is wicked as he leans his head on your shoulder. “Did you hear that, my love?” he asks, not bothering to whisper since no one but you can understand. “Remus Lupin thinks we’re hot.” 

“Even when they say your name?” James asks, gesturing to Sirius as if to emphasize his point. 

Remus gives Sirius a lingering look. It takes everything in him not to collapse onto the floor. Sirius looks down, breaking Remus’ stare, just to make sure he is indeed still wearing pants. “Especially then.” 

“But they could be saying anything!”

“He’s so pretty,” you say breathily, gazing at Remus. His brows raise at your devoted attention, a twinkle of amusement lighting his amber eyes. Your gaze slides to James, looking at you with suspicion. “They both are.” You turn your eyes last to Sirius, and it’s a different look than the one he’d just received from Remus, but it melts him just the same. “You all are. And all so good, and funny, and smart. I can’t believe my luck.” 

Sirius chuckles, pressing a kiss to the nape of your neck. “Me neither. Do you think they know?” 

You hum, leaning back and letting him support some of your weight. He takes it happily. It’s going to be one of those nights where you’re asleep before the rest of them have even made it to bed, he can tell. “Not well enough.” 

“Cease looking at me like that this instant,” James demands. “Moony, why do they look like they want to eat us?” 

“Doesn’t sound like such an awful idea,” you say through a yawn, pulling out of Sirius’ arms to move towards the bed.

He follows you. “True,” he says, casting a charged look back at his boyfriends. “I could probably gnaw on a bicep, now that you mention it.” 

“It’s kind of nice that not everyone can understand,” you observe drowsily as you slip under the covers. “Makes it easier to say what we mean.” 

Sirius laughs. “Of course these are your darkest, most secret thoughts, you softie.” He sits down on the bed, brushing a strand of hair from your lovely face. “If you couldn’t understand me, I’d be saying much filthier stuff.” He cocks his head. “Actually, you don’t know what braquemard means, do you?”

Your eyebrows cinch, and there’s a gasp from the bathroom a moment before James comes barreling into the room.

“I heard something!” He exclaims. Sirius smirks up at him from his place on the bed. “That brack-whatever—it’s dirty, I think. I’ve heard him use it before.” You snicker into your pillow, and James looks at you in horror. “Angel, what’s he roped you into? Is he corrupting you while we can’t protect you?”

“Interesting,” Remus hums, moving slowly towards the bed. He approaches Sirius, nudging the other boy’s legs apart and fitting himself between them. Sirius’ heart pounds against his rib cage as Remus tilts his head up, fingers curled lightly around his jaw. “Gonna tell us what you’ve got to say, pretty boy?”

Sirius takes a shuddering inhale, static filling his head as Remus strokes idly at his face. 

You make an amused harrumphing sound, and speak in English so everyone can hear. “Softie.” 

[artists-ally]

{Confess Your Lust} Azriel x Reader

You all can thank @riddlesb1tch for this. I have no regrets. It's just pure filth, but I know my whores like this 🥰 Rose this is all for you so you're the only one I care about liking it. Hope you all enjoy, title is from this song. highly suggest listening to while reading btw

Word Count: 4,682

Warnings: SMUT. Minor Dom/Sub concepts, bondage, degrading, teasing, orgasm delay/denial, overstimulation, Az is your pretty little good boy and you're gonna let him know ;)

Tagging: @riddlesb1tch @thelov3lybookworm @librafairy @needylilgal022 @bubybubsters @harrystylesfan2686 @justdreamstars @cyrygher @berryzxx @thehighladywrites @xaithings

Summary: Azriel requested a very special birthday present. And who were you to tell him no.

~~~~~~~

“Cassian, as long as I’ve known you, you’ve gotten me a dagger for my birthday.”

“Yup,” he grins. 

“You know it’ll never suffice to Truth Teller, right?”

“An Illyrian can hope,” Cassian sighs, a relaxed smile on his face. “I know they all go in a drawer at the bottom of your dresser.”

Azriel rolls his eyes, but thanks his brother anyway. He appreciates them, but they hold no candle to the pretty piece of steel sat on his thigh.

Mor had gifted him a new pair of boots and a matching belt to go with them. They were of sleek leather, polished so well he could see his distorted reflection in the curve of the toe. He might have to set them aside for a special occasion so he doesn’t ruin them with training and missions. 

Rhys and Feyre gifted him a custom made weapons display case. It had racks and shelves for all his favorites, as well as drawers for the ones Cassian constantly gifted. It was complete with a throwing pad on the side to practice different strikes as well as a sharpening stone. He’d never admit to anyone but himself, but it made the back of his throat string. 

Amren promised him a night out at Rita’s, and coming from her it was quite generous. 

Buy my gift… it was something to be shared between my mate and no one else. They didn’t need to know the secret behind the look in my eye. It was waiting at our newly constructed home, just like I promised. Just like he had asked. 

“That’s it from us, I don’t see another one here,” Cassian looked around the rubble of discarded bags and decorative paper, not finding any other boxes. “Did Yn already give you hers?”

“No,” I said, sipping my glass of wine. “It’s back at the house. But he already knows what it is.”

“He does?”

“He does?” Azriel furrowed his brows, clearly not remembering the conversation the two of us had several months ago. 

Azriel sauntered into the dining hall, hands fisted at his sides, wings tucked in close. “Can I talk to you?”

The sudden spring of worry in his eyes made me put down my book, following him to a nearby couch to sit on. 

“What’s up, my love?” I asked tenderly, locking a piece of hair behind his ear. 

“If I asked you to do something for me- to me… would you?” 

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean, Az,” I cocked my head to the side, getting a better look at his eyes. Those wicked shadows blocked some of his tan skin, so I gently nudged them out of the way.

“I umm- I was thinking that we might change some things up. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about these things and I want them. And I want to see if you could want them too.”

“Okay,” I nodded, waiting for a response.

“I want to try using some toys. On me.”

Well, that is not where I thought this was going to go at all. Utterly shocked, but not opposed to the idea, I asked him to elaborate. And by the Cauldron did he. He went into detail of what he wanted, why he wanted it, how he wanted it… it sounded like a dream come true. 

“I’m so happy you told me about this. Yes, I’d be more than happy to fulfill these fantasies with you,” I smiled eagerly. “I promise I’ll make it special for you. Just like you did for me.”

Azriel still didn’t seem to get it, so I flashed a mental image down the bond, watching his brows unfurrow and raise up his face. It was almost ridiculous how far they went up. Nobody else said anything as they watched the interaction. 

“Oh.”

“Oh… what? What did she get you?” Rhys prodded his brother, Azriel not breaking our eye contact. I just smirked, winking in his direction before turning back to the wine. Mor spared me a curious glance, but I gave away no details. The others didn’t need to know what happened behind those closed doors. 

“Just something to play with later,” Azriel swallowed, throat working down and then back up. Only I would be able to note the change in his scent. “Time for pastries?”

I giggled as he deflected the question and moved onto another topic. It was another hour or so before anyone made a move to leave, but as soon as Cassian rolled out, his hands were all over me. 

“Are you being serious?” His hands were cupping my cheeks, a desperate plea to his voice. 

“Of course, my shadow. Go on up, get yourself ready. I’ll be up in a little bit, okay? Send word when you’re ready,” I instruct, moving out of his reach to begin cleaning up some of the mess left behind from the small party. 

“Won’t you come do it for me?” His strong arms wrapped around me, the soft scent of his wings wafting in the air. “I could really use your help.”

“I thought you wanted me to take control?”

“I do, that’s why I-”

“Didn’t I give you an order?” 

“Y-Yes, I just wanted-”

“Then go. Don’t make me ask again, Azriel.” 

“Yes my lady,” he obediently replied. I watched him go up the stairs, shadows lingering behind before darting after him. Once I heard the door click softly shut, I continued my work around the living area and the kitchen. I didn’t have any desire to be cleaning, I just needed to build up some tension. For this to work as he wanted to, I needed to do the unpredictable. Which would be really fucking difficult since he is basically progammed to know every turn and corner. 

I threw out trash, packed dishes in the sink, scrubbed them clean and put them away. About five minutes ago he sent a shadow curling my way, enticing me up towards the play room. I ignored the urgency of the call, deciding I’ll go when I want to. And he’s just going to have to wait. 

Azriel isn’t the most patient creature in this world, that’s for damn sure. 

Making him wait this long would be torture. 

Precisely how I wanted it to be. 

Finally, after another ten-ish minutes of stalling, I make my way upstairs. Purposefully being as loud as I can without stomping up the stairs. My heels click gently across the hard stone. As I near the door, I am hit with a wave of arousal coming from the room. It’s thick and tastes devine on the back of my tongue.

The sight of him sitting in the chair, wings facing me, arms ready and waiting behind his back is a marvelous sight. I can’t help but smile. He looks so pretty. 

“I thought you forgot about me,” Azriel said, a smirk in his tone. “Is it time for my present yet?”

“So impatient, all of you Illyrians,” I snorted, rolling my eyes as I made my way to the wall in front of him. Hung up, there were various toys and playthings. All could be used for pleasure or pain, depending on the mood. “You’ll get it when I say you do. Give me your wrists.”

I held the bundle of rope between my palms, stalking back over to Azriel in his chair. As I pass around to where his hands are locked behind his back, I make sure to tell him he’s allowed to safeword if and whenever he needs to. 

“I know, my love, thank you. I know you’ll take care of me,” he smiles gently, offering his lips.

“You asked to be overwhelmed, so I’m not going to stop unless you give me the word. I want you begging me to stop, remember? You’ll sound so pathetic and pretty when you whimper,” I smiled sickly sweet, pecking his lips with my own. “Ready?”

He gave a firm nod, hazel eyes locking on my body as I pulled away.

Back at the wall, I open the drawer in the chest, finding those two boxes I hid away weeks ago. How he never found them, I’ll never know, but I’m so glad. One was a vibrating cuff. The other was a dildo. 

After taking them out of the box and sanitizing them, I left them there for Az to see, but not to use yet. No, I wanted the anticipation to do the work for me. Rather than giving him what he wanted, I made my way over to him and trailed my fingers around his frame. 

Every flick of my finger sent goosebumps slithering across his skin. Up his neck… down his arms. That sensitive place between his wings twitched as I trailed through it, delicately applying pressure on the muscle. 

“Fuck, baby you… you can’t tease me like that.”

“I think I can do whatever I want,” I replied. “You are tied up at my mercy, aren’t you?”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Good boy,” I smiled, threading my fingers through his thick hair, latching onto his scalp. I pulled to the side, watching his body move with the force. His chest rose and fell, I could feel his heartbeat down the bond. Wicked. Powerful. Anticipating my next move. 

I slid into his lap, feeling just how much he needed me through his pants. I leaned just far enough away that he couldn't capture my mouth with his. He tried twice to kiss me, but each time I leaned away, a sick smile on my lips. 

Azriel scoffed, “I just wanted a kiss.”

“I know you do, but I didn’t give you permission, did I?” I mocked, leaning in closer and closer. “Your pleasure belongs to me tonight. I decide when you get what you’ve earned. And all you’ve done so far is complain that I haven’t given you anything. That’s not how good boys behave is it?”

I can see the fire in his eyes, those two sides of his personality fighting each other head on. This desire inside him to be taken care of, to be set free by my control versus that blistering need to be in control of everything. 

I’ll break him free with my bare hands if I have to. 

“Don’t be shy, my shadow. You can say it, it’s okay. No one can hear you besides me. Unless you want everyone to know just how much you need me.”

“I’ll behave,” he recites quickly. “Please.”

“Look at you, begging for it already,” I smirked, standing up from my place in his lap. He groans, cock clearly straining against the fabric covering his legs. 

I circle him. Like a predator to its prey. “You look so pretty tied up, my shadow.”

“When I asked you to play with me, I didn’t expect to be tortured.”

“Tortured?” I spun around to see his hazy eyes. “Oh, my sweet love, I haven’t even touched you yet and you’re already begging? Don’t be so pathetic, Azriel. You can take more, can’t you?” I nodded his head for him, fingers fisted in his hair. “Yes you can, good boy.”

I quickly walked around to see his pink cheeks, heated with humiliation. I had no intention of going easy on him the first time. 

In a swift motion, I sheathed the blade at his thigh, cutting away his pants, leaving him just in his undershorts. He gasped, eyes going wide as roughly pulled them down his hips. “Y-Yn what are you-”

“Quiet,” I demanded. 

Azriel shut his mouth, panting heavily as I fisted his cock in my hand. His head tipped back in pleasure, and I almost let myself enjoy it for a second before I ripped my hand away. Those fierce hazel eyes were back on mine in an instant, silently begging for more. He made a wounded sound when I walked away, grabbing the vibrating cuff from the dresser. 

“Let’s play a game, okay? I put this on, and you aren’t going to cum. If you take it like the good boy I know you are, then I’ll give you something else to play with. If you cum… well, you’re just not going to stop.”

Azriel looks genuinely afraid. Like I might break him if I go through with this. I’ve never wanted to break something so badly just to put it back together again. 

I kneel in front of him, spreading his knees apart. I can see the generous amount of gel he’s used to work himself open for later. His body is glowing, vibrating with tension. I spit on his dick, enjoying the sight of him flinching as it hits his hot skin. 

Being extra agonizing, I blow some cool air on his tip to really watch him jump. I giggle, sliding the cuff over his length. The pale blue color is a stark contrast to his bright red skin. There is a button near the bass to turn it on and to switch the intensity. The gentle purr of the toy comes to life with a quick tap, and Azriel damn near falls out of the chair.

“Relax,” I say, forcing his knees down. I looked up at him, chest unmoving as he held his breath. “Breath Azriel.”

“I- I can-can’t,” he chokes. “Fuck Yn, it’s too much.”

“It’s only on the first setting, you’ll get used to it. In thirty seconds I’m going to put it on the next setting,” I warn, watching the way his body quivers slightly. 

My mates eyes are slammed shut, teeth clenched together. His cock gently pulses with the vibe, slick trickling down his shaft in a steady stream. To be a little extra mean, I run my tongue up the length.

“Oh gods Yn…” he pleads, head tossed back. His chest is on display, perfectly cut muscles constricting with every breath. 

“You’re being so good, Azriel,” I praise, relishing in the way his body relaxes into the words. “Just a little longer.”

I stand, walking to the corner of the room to the closet. I quietly wheel out the next part of his surprise, setting them aside for when I need them. When I come back, I notice the sheen of sweat lining his chest and torso. It glimmers in the low light, catching at all the right angles. 

I stroke my hands up and down his shoulders, working the tense muscles. He relaxes into my body and I travel further. Over his chest, over his abs, down his thighs. When I reach his cock, I press the next button and turn up the intensity. 

Az growls. In a way I’ve never heard him before. He curls in on himself, kicking his feet against the floor. 

“Don’t act like you don’t love it, Azriel. I know you want to be my good boy and take your birthday present so well. You’re gonna take it until I tell you you’ve had enough.”

“It feels so good,” he moans. His thighs are shaking, his cock flushed almost purple. “M-More.”

“And now you’re begging for it? Gods, Az you are so easy for me. I’m sure if you'd found this before tonight, I would’ve caught you with it, huh? So fucking desperate.” I can’t help but tease him, he makes it so easy. And he is being so good for me, why not give him what he wants? “You asked for more, Azriel.”

I click it up another notch, watching the way it sends shock waves through the muscles in his thighs and abs. He’s open-mouth panting now, unable to take a breath without whining. He starts shaking his head back and forth, eyes blinking rapidly. 

“You’re not allowed to cum, Azriel. I didn’t give you permission.”

My reminder makes him sob. “Please, please Yn. Fucking please let me cum. Fuck I-I can’t- Yn I can’t-”

“You’re going to,” I demand, pushing the hair out of his face. “Because I told you to. You wanna make me happy, right? I won’t be happy if you cum. You don’t wanna disappoint me, do you?”

He shakes his head no rapidly, sweat dripping down his face. 

“Then don’t cum. It’s not that hard.”

Azriel cries out, the noise coming deep within his chest. He tries to cross his legs to relieve the pressure, but I force them to stay open. He shakes and writhes, wings slanted behind his back in a mess of shadows. He cannot sit still, but I don’t reprimand him for it. 

The room is filled with the sound of his harsh breathing and the hum of the vibrator. It’s filled with the scent of his sweat and breath. 

“Yn- Yn turn it off.”

“No.”

He curses, a colorful menagerie falling from his wet lips. “Please please please please please please.”

The sound of him begging, truly begging, makes me grin in a sinister way. This is exactly how I wanted him. A whimpering, desperate mess for me to play with. 

I turn it off. 

Azriel blows out a breath, body still writhing. His cock stands tall, a deep shade of maroon. I know one flick of my tongue would send him over the edge. And having that kind of power over him feels incredible. 

After letting him rest for a second, I decide it’s time for some real fun. I pluck the dildo off the dresser and stand in front of Azriel, waiting for him to look up at me. When those hazel eyes meet mine, they’re glassy and full of pleasure. Almost too much. He looks drunk with his cheeks so rosy and ears flaming red. He looks so adorable all fucked out like this. 

“Stand,” I commanded, watching the words register on his face. 

His knees tremble, but he manages, stretching his taught legs. The sight of him shaking so vividly would normally scare me. But right now it's… it's beautiful. I made him this way, and this ache between my legs couldn't be stronger. 

The cup on the end suctions to the metal chair when I place the dildo down. “Sit.”

“Yn-”

“Sit,” I snapped, eyes hardening. Azriel swallowed, looking from me to the chair and back. “Don’t make me ask again. I told you to sit. So sit down. Now.”

He turned back around, standing above the chair. Slowly, incredibly slowly, he lowered himself to the chair. His arms were bulging against the ropes, veins running along his biceps throbbing with his pulse. But he sits. All the way down. 

With a proud smile, I drink in the way he sits. It's so rigid. His chest barely moves with his quick breaths. His eyes are screwed shut. 

“Azriel,” I taunt, my voice sickly sweet. “What's got you breathing so hard, hmm? Are you in too much pleasure? Does it feel too good?”

His mouth gapes open, but he doesn’t say anything. 

“You’re at a loss for words with how good you feel. So fucking pathetic, completely fucked out the first time you’re taking a toy?” I click on the vibrator again, starting at level two. He thrashes, then grunts, tossing his head back. “You can take it. You’ve been such a good boy. You’ve been pleasing me so much, Azriel, did you know that? You’re making me so happy. Keep being a good boy and I’ll let you cum.”

“Yn…” he breathed, head falling back to meet my eyes.

“What do you need, my shadow? More? You want more?” He shakes his head no, but remains silent. “You can do better than a pitiful shake of your head. Tell me what you want, Azriel.”

“Yn… Yn…” he chants, my name a plea of desperation. It's airy and full of need. 

“That’s it, baby. Tell me what you need, I promise I’ll give it to you.”

With bleary eyes, he looks at me. “Please let me cum.” 

The words are broken and a little slurred, but he told me what he needed. So I’ll give it to him. 

“Such a good boy, Azriel. Telling me how much you need to cum. I’ll make sure you do, baby. Just keep taking it for me. You’re doing soooo good.”

I kept talking to him, praising him for how good he’s taking everything I’ve given him. Azriel is babbling and pleading like a total whore. While he drones on and on, I wheel out the surprise I set in the corner. Three long, vertical mirrors are set around him so he can see every angle of his perfect body. 

So he can watch himself come undone without me even touching him. 

“Azriel, look at me baby,” I commanded. He settles his gaze on me, then the mirrors. “Don’t you think you look so pretty?”

The way his body slumps in the chair sent chills down my spine. He spread his legs, admitting the cuff constricting his cock. Azriel pushes on his toes lightly, bobbing up and down on the dildo. “Fuck I- Yn I look so…so-”

“I want you to keep your eyes locked on the mirror. Don’t look at anything but yourself. This is all for you, take it all in, my shadow. Enjoy watching yourself fall apart for me.”

Azriel nodded. 

I circled him slowly, amused at how… delicate he looked despite the harsh reality of his current fate. He was tied up, more vulnerable than ever. And yet he looked so sweet and simple. And devastatingly ruined. 

At the first touch to the leathery material of his wings, Azriel jumped. He shouted and swore. 

“Relax, Azriel.”

“I can’t handle it when you touch my wings, Yn. I’m not gonna be able to hold on,” Az pleads. I touch him again in the same spot. He shudders and grits his teeth. “Yn please.”

“Eyes on yourself, Azriel.”

With a deep, controlled breath, he pulls his eyes back to the mirrors. As I touch and explore the most sensitive parts of him, he twitches in every direction, effectively screwing himself further on the dildo. I take the curve of my nail and trace a vein running in his wing. Fibers in his muscles seize. 

In the mirror, I can see the cuff working nicely. His chest is coated in sweat and it takes all my strength to not run my tongue from the tip of his cock to the base of his throat. Instead, I continue to tease his wings. 

Azriel has this one specific spot right at the base of his wing that drives him insane. The moment I begin to move my hand, he begins to moan uncontrollably. He begs and whines and begs again for me to make him come. 

“Are you watching yourself, baby?” I ask, locking eyes with him in the mirror. When he nods, eyes cast down at his body, I stroke his wing. Twice. And tears spill down his face. 

“F-Fuck Yn I need to cum. I need to cum, fuck PLEASE let me cum please please please,” Azriel chants like I’m a long forgotten god. As if I would be able to grant all his wishes and desires. And it fills me with a fire I’ve never felt before. 

“You’ve been such a good boy, Azriel. Go ahead. You can cum, let go.” 

The second I gave him permission, he came. His whole body convulsed with the force. His legs and torso shivered, ecstasy pouring out of him with every whine and curse. 

“Fuuuucccckkkkk,” he mewls, watching his cum slide down his cock, spreading over his thighs. The cuff keeps vibrating, drawing out his pleasure. “Turn it off turn it off turn it off-”

“Don’t you wanna see how far you can go? You look so pretty when you cum, I could keep watching you forever, my dear. Why don’t you do it again, okay? You’ve earned it, go ahead and cum for me, just once more.”

His whole body is flush, the same beautiful color as his aching cock. He strains against the ropes and for a minute I think he’s going to break free. But he falls slack, a steady wave of whimpers as the cuff continues to drain him. The flow of it never stops. 

After a few more seconds to enjoy the show for myself, I turn off the vibrator. I gently slide it off, the majority of his seed landing on my fingers. I make a bog show of licking it off for him. 

Azriel is lost in his mind somewhere when I begin to undo the ropes. I massage his shoulders, working blood back into his extremities. 

“You did such an amazing job, my love. I am so proud of you, I hope you had as good of a time as I did.”

Azriel stayed quiet, but he nodded his head, gulping down air. He was shaking, but judging by the way the bond felt, he felt nothing but euphoria. I had done exactly what I was asked, and he loved it. 

While I kneaded his shoulders, kissing up and down his back, he recovered. While I was strong, I wasn’t strong enough to lift a fully grown Illyrian warrior and carry him to the bathroom. Currently, he’s in no condition to move under his own volition, so we’ll take our time until his strength is restored. 

“I love you so much, Az. My beautiful, strong mate. You did such a good job, such a good boy for me.”

“Mmm,” he hummed, a lazy smile on his lips. “Love being your good boy.”

“You are, you did so fucking good Azriel. It was so hot watching you cum like that,” I smiled, kissing his forehead, then his lips when he pursed them to me. “Feeling good enough to get to the bathroom? The tub is waiting, ready for you.”

My mate nodded, “Only if you’ll come in with me.”

Giggling, I slung his arm over my shoulder. “Of course I will. Stand up slowly, take your time. I’ve got you.”

With a few hisses as he stood up off the chair, wings splaying out to help him keep his balance, I guided him to the bathroom. He could stand just… not super well. We stumbled, but made it to the tub in one piece. I left him to climb in as I stripped, adding some salts to the bath. 

“I don’t care about that, just get in, my love.”

Illyrians, not known for their extended patience, but they are known for their incredible brutality and bravery.

As well as their wingspans. 

Before he could yank me in with my clothes on, I swept them away with a flick of my hand and climbed in. Azriel guided me to sit in his lap, face to face. His warm, scar-flecked hands caressed my body. It wasn’t in a particularly sexual manner, but I was far too turned on to not let a whimper slip. But he didn’t smirk or crack a teasing joke, he just continued to roam my body. 

It seemed to calm him, the edges of ecstasy fading away from the bond one strand at a time. His heart rate slowed and that glaze over his eyes faded away. 

“Feeling okay?” I asked, stroking my hands up and around the tattoos on his shoulders and chest. 

“Mhmm,” he nodded. “Just… wow. My body feels so tingly.”

“Now you know how I feel when you make me cum multiple times.”

Azriel smiled, sending my heart tumbling in my chest. “Guess I should be a bit more gracious with you, shouldn’t I? Considering now you have what you need to retaliate.”

“I think you’d like it if I retaliated,” I grin. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

“Good time? I’ve never felt so satisfied in my whole life. Thank you for giving me that experience.”

I smiled so wide it hurt. “Of course, my shadow. But the next time you want to have a ‘new experience’, don’t hesitate to wait so long to tell me.”

“I promise,” Azriel whispers, cupping both sides of my face with his hands. Our foreheads lean in together. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

[neopuppy]

preview: rush

pairing. professor step-dad Jeno x step-daughter female reader

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆

‘I’d prefer we keep our at-home relationship disassociated from—‘ Professor Lee waved his hands around awkwardly, very different from the confident instructor you’d become familiar with for the past 6 months. ‘You know what I mean, I’m still your teacher, and you can come to me with any of your questions, concerns. But at home, I’m your step-dad.’

The conversation over dinner had been more uncomfortable than necessary, namely when your professor smiled at you and proceeded to pat your shoulder.

‘I mean, you’re like a daughter to me already, we don’t really need those pesky titles. Don’t ever feel bad about thinking of me as your dad now.’

Jeno’s lip twitched to contain a large smile from stretching his cheeks, mindful of your mother’s dreamy sigh as he reached over to pat and rub her thigh under the table.

Professor Lee, Dad.. Step-dad, or the one you had no idea he preferred best, daddy.

When your mother ranted about her new hot beau she connected with on Hinge, you couldn’t have expected it to be your Classic Literature Professor of all the men in the world. No, not your favorite instructor.

They were only dating anyway. Until they weren’t and suddenly your Professor was staying over a few times a week, even offering to drop you off near school.

‘It could look questionable to have a student exiting my vehicle on campus grounds, you understand right?’

The thing about Professor Lee is, he’s a good guy, a really smart and friendly guy. That teacher with a huge waitlist to join his class because everyone knows he grades on a curve and isn’t a hard ass about turning in assignments on time. He’s the ‘cool’ Professor, which could attest to the amount of female student body that fight to earn a space in his course, that or the fact that Professor Lee is, frankly, hot.

‘Kind of insane if you think about it.’ Your friend whispered in your ear, leaning over behind a book to discreetly gossip. ‘That he’s fucking your mom.’

‘Don’t be disgusting.’

‘I mean, you’re a dead ringer for her, you know? You guys could pass more as sisters than mother and daughter.’

You really hated hearing that, mostly because it’s true. Oftentimes strangers have often mistaken your mother as your older sister. As much as the reminder bothers you, you can’t say Professor Lee has shown indication of being a creep.

There are times you find yourself lingering on him longer than you should. Mindlessly taking in how tight his pants fit some days more than others, or how broad and muscular his back looks when he peels off one of his suit blazers and loosens the tie around his neck when getting heated up during a lecture.

Sure, Professor Lee is a very attractive man, there’s no denying that, but between work and trying to keep up with your studies, time for ogling men is hardly a matter of importance for you at the moment.

“Professor, I wanted to discuss my last thesis with you.” It’s taken a while to not address your step-father at home about school work, even when he passes by the living room and sees you scribbling notes, marking different pages to analyze and come back to. He’ll nod, smile, wave for you to carry on and not bother him about assignments unless you’re in class or visiting his office.

“Oh of course, pull up a seat.” Jeno motions to a desk chair nearby, waving off the last students to exit his classroom before settling back with raised eyebrows. “What’s up?”

“Well, the grading,” you draw free the folder, first visible page marked with a C-. “I worked so hard on this, and now my average has gone down so much.”

Professor Lee hums, thumbing open the pages and nodding as he rereads his notes and markings. “You worked hard on this?”

Your mouth parts, prepared for combat only to find his unconvinced gaze focused on you. “Well, yes! Of course I did, you—you saw!”

“What have I told you about home life?” He sighs, head shaking as he opens up to recite part of the breakdown you typed out. “This is so lazy, I was being generous with my grading. I hate to say this but you’ve really slacked off since, well..” he trails off, tossing your assignment back on his desk.

“Slacked off?? I stayed up all night working on this!” You stammer, sitting up straight more annoyed. It’s not as if he didn’t see you hunched over your laptop in the living room at 3am when he passed by to the kitchen for a glass of water and grinned while saying ‘don’t work too hard.’

“Listen, between you and me,” he leans closer, as if a soul could hear your conversation in this empty lecture hall. “You’re a procrastinator, I don’t see you studying half as much as you should be and when you do it’s at the crack of dawn when you should be asleep. Proper rest is integral to your education, I want to see you excel and put the effort in that your classmates do. I can only be so fair, I know my reputation around here, but as a trusted Professor, I simply cannot let you fly by and put my integrity at risk because you’d rather lay out by the pool and spend hours online shopping.”

“Professor! That’s—that’s not fair! You’re judging what I do at home! I—“ speechless, you gasp, doing your best to control your temper as your teacher's handsome features droop to a disappointed frown. “I’m not just lazing around the house! I work! Mr. Lee, I’m always working when, I..” you pause, internally cursing trying to come up with a way to defend yourself without giving out more detail.

“Ah, yes, your mother has mentioned your job.” He nods, cheek lifted as he reaches to rub the back of his neck and block a smile out of your view with his arm. “You assist professional writers by proofing and editing their work? That keeps you real busy, does it?”

He sounds apprehensive, picking up your thesis again. “Listen, this deserved a lower score, but I’m willing to work with you here Lana. Perhaps you need to consider prioritizing school over work for now though—“

“What—” between your frenzy and coining up an excuse, you’re sure you misheard Professor Lee just now. “What did you call me?”

A wide gaze lifts to your eyes, pursing together his lips tightly with a casual shrug. “I didn’t call you anything sweetie.” He smiles, reaching to press the back of his hand on your forehead. “You sure that you’re not overworking yourself?”

His smile softens, stroking down your cheek to pinch your chin. “If you’re pressed for cash, you can always come to me. It’ll be our secret if you don’t want your mother to know. I don’t mind helping you out if it means you’ll be less stressed and prioritize your school work.”

You can’t find it in you to reply again, because you know you heard it.

“Now, I’ll rethink my grading if you promise to work harder on your next thesis. Sound good?” He pats your back, moving to gather his things. “Shall I drive you back home?”

His casual relaxed manner throws you off even more, exiting in a zombie-like state after declining his offer to pick you up from a coffee shop off campus.

Lana.

There’s no way you imagined that.

Why the fuck did your step-father call you by your online pseudonym only ever used for your Only Fans account.

[king-dumbasz]

Hi🫶🏻🫶🏻 could u do a mammon oneshot that takes place after fizz quits.(pretending the twins don’t exist) Like the reader is like the new face of his brand. Ppl start shipping the reader and him online, so he goes along with it for clout and money. But they both eventually end up catching feelings. ( ik it’s rlly specific but I keep thinking about it) also I like ur writing 💜

The internet is a magical place💚

I immediately liked the request and had an idea in mind. It's not something too difficult so my mind was happy Lmao

TW:why do I even put it in if there's never anything to worry about except for swear words, but c'mon, it's Helluva Boss

Mammon x GN! Reader

The news were full of what happened at the last clown pageant. Everything was about Fizzarolli and his relationship with Asmodeus and how Mammon was ridiculed...

Mammon was FURIOUS

He needed a new face, a new someone to put everywhere and make money. He did everything until he finally found it... He found you.

You were perfect! You were funny, good looking and great for the audience! The perfect clown to replace Fizzarolli!

Mammon immediately made plushies, cereal, service bots (you choose what kind of service), hell, even a body pillow of ya!

Phone cases... Halloween costumes for kids... Lamps... Everything!

You became a star!

But like every star, you were a victim of the internet effect of the rule too

For some unknown reason, people shipped you and Mammon

No one knew why, but when you opened your phone, on Envybrl (Tumblr), on Sintter (Twitter or X), there were fanart of you and Mammon

All kind of Fanart! (I know I don't do NSFW, but when I say any kind, I mean any kind)

Mammon saw it too, a lot of it too

"What is that? Wh- why are we hugging in this one?"

He says, pointing at his phone, looking at a fanart of him and you cuddling

"i don't know, sir... The internet scares me"

"Ye..."

Mammon didn't understand why. When Fizzarolli was there no one made these things, but with you it was different

The more Mammon watched, the more he realized how beautiful you looked, and how he liked these fanarts

Mammon started to like every post and imagine these things were true...

Every day, you find a new gift at your door from an unknown person, even if it wasn't that unknown because the wrapping was green black and yellow

One day though, Mammon decides to Rizz you up, because obviously he won't do it normally

"Sir, you wanted me here?"

You said after being called in his office, only to find Mammon in his special valentine outfit (It's just the old one but pink and with hearts)

"Hey, Are you a Wi-Fi signal? Because I’m feeling a strong connection"

That was horrible, adorable, but horrible

"Sir... What?"

"oh, shit uh... Well, I'm out of lines"

"What is happening?"

"Well, I never thought that would've happened, since you're a lower class and shit- but, I found myself liking these fan arts mentally unstable people post of us.."

"Oh!"

You were stunned. Mammon. THE Mammon... Likes you?"

"Well... If I'm gonna be honest... I also found myself liking some of those posts..."

Mammon didn't realise at first and looks at you confused (Idiot)

"I like you too"

Just after you tell him he realises. Mammon smiles widely and hugs you with his four arms, so tightly you couldn't breath

"oh, you're a bloody legend, Y/N!"

"Eh... The internet is really a magical place..."

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

yay i cant wait so excited i have been waiting for a while to read this fic. its loki or tony!

fem!plus size reader, wc: 580.

cw! insecure fic <3

a/n: i must admit that the plot got away from me on this one, the fluffiness practically poured out of my fingertips. it's been a while since i've written for loki, but it is always a pleasure doing so. thank you for your request!!

Being with Loki made you nervous, and not in the way that many people would think. 

He didn’t make you feel threatened nor was he mean, it was just that most of the time you’re around him you can’t help but sink into your head like quicksand. 

Why did he choose you when he had so many other options? Was he settling? What did other people think when they saw you guys together? Your stream of thought was almost laughable, because you knew that Loki didn’t care about what you looked like or anything trivial like that.

“What’s wrong, my love?” 

Your eyelashes fluttered, breaking your dissociative state. “Hm?” You hummed. 

“I asked you what’s wrong.” His tone was forever patient, his fingertips were featherlight against the skin of your arm. You were tucked into his side, the mood of your room domestic as a television show played pointlessly in the background. Loki was never really interested in human delicacies such as at home entertainment, he would much rather spend his free time with you.

“Oh… I’m just thinking.” Your voice was dismissive, almost like what you were saying didn’t really matter, which wasn’t true in the slightest because your boyfriend hung off of every word you said, committing it to memory.

He never forgot human holidays like christmas, birthdays or anniversaries, because those types of things mattered to you – and unfortunately he had to figure that out the hard way – but you bet your ass he never forgot it again.

“Please tell me what’s on your mind, dove.” Loki nuzzles his nose into your temple, placing a soft kiss on the side of your face. A shiver shoots itself up your spine, and the sensation makes you melt in his arms. Leave it up to him to basically pry whatever he wanted out of you.

“I don’t know. It’s stupid.” You shrug. “Nothing you say will ever be stupid.” You groan and curl into him deeper. “Fine. I just… I’m getting into that weird place in my head, you know? Like… it feels like no matter how many times you reassure me that I’m gorgeous and all this other super sweet stuff, none of it sticks. It’s like my brain can’t believe it.”

Loki sits there in silence for a moment, stewing on your words before speaking. He knew how sensitive this topic was for you, and though he was the God of Mischief, he would never make a mockery of your struggles.

“I understand you, darling. I know that through your years of being on earth, many humans haven’t been kind to you, and I out of everyone know what it feels like to be different, but –” He hooks a finger under your chin and coaxes you to look at him. 

Though your gaze is shy, you steele yourself despite the way that your cheeks heat under his touch.

“I can assure you that I have not chosen to be with you to make a mockery of you. I am with you because you are beautiful. Your soul sings to me, my dove. You are kind and your heart is unyielding. You are true to yourself and others. That is what makes you shine.”

You feel unshed tears burn behind your waterline and you scoff wetly, but you can’t fight the smile that inevitably breaks out on your face.

“Loki?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I love you.”

He laughs, and his chest rumbles with the joyous tune.

“I love you too.”

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @their-love @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy @phoenixblack89 @murdadixon @hallecarey1 @bunnybabe-babydoll @dixonzzgirl @violettavirus

[itzalizeyyy]

hii, its alizey here! In this blog, I have copied and pasted common questions and amazing great answers and explanations to those questions. I will credit every single answer to the right blogger. I strongly recommend to go check them out.

This is meant to decrease the frequent common questions being asked. If your question hasn’t been answered here, I am still trying to add more when I can but you can always ask me or other great non-dualism bloggers.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Q&A

“Hey so lets say i become aware of sth i dislike. That doesn’t mean it exists if i don’t want it to? I can simply switch my awareness to being aware that it doesn’t exist?”

“consciousness doesnt dislike it, its ego that has opinions and dislikes things. if u i observe/become aware of it, it exists but it will never be real bc nothing is ever real. it “existing” is just you being aware of it its nothing serious. but yeah being aware of something else and not the thing that ego dislikes makes it not exist anymore” - @msperfect777

“What if I want to be an actor and then be in a relationship with a celebrity? I'm new in the non-dualism so idk too much.”

“imagine it. if u dont understand then read my non dualism series on my pinned post bc thats what its there for” - Msperfect777

“I have a df, and I'm confused bc in loa they tell you that you alr have it in the 4d and wait until it is reflected in the 3d, but in non dualism it's different, and it is difficult for me to understand, what if I imagine it but never look the way I want?”

“bc u think u are human and u think there is a separation of “4d” and “3d”. non dualism = there is no separation bc everything is consciousness (ur true self). ego is making it seem harder than it is bc its so used to “reflections” and “manifestation” and separations. read my non dualism series on my pinned post.” - msperfect777

“how did you learn about non dualism and why? are there any good sources to read when you start?”

“@infinite.ko on instagram is where my journey started. shes so helpful so go check her out. “ - Msperfect777

“How can I use non dualism to become aware of my dream life?”

“non dualism is just a concept. be aware of ur dream life the same way u are aware of these words. but in imagination. bc as u know everything is imagination.” - Msperfect777

“Ok so if I’m getting this correctly, I am consciousness which = imagination so I don’t need to do anything bc I’m aware that imagination is the only consciousness I feel like ghe way i typed it out doesn’t make sense but basically only imagination matters, not sure if I’m getting “

“EVERYTHING is imagination. imagining a phone and the phone “you” have in “your” hand rn in the “physical” are not different. the illusion is that they SEEM different bc one SEEMS more realer than the other. yes theres nothing to do bc u are always aware as awareness / consciousness.” - msperfect777

“why does the "physical reality" feel so much realer than when fulfilling something in our imagination if it's all the same? how do i become of aware the things in my imagination to feel as real as what my ego or human body is experiencing?”

“1) its an illusion. ego is programmed to think that “physical world” is more realer than imagination

2) how to become aware? ur aware of these words rn. the second part seems to me that u think u are a human and u want something to “reflect” from imagination to the “physical” … u havent understood non dualism yet

3) theres no “feeling”… feeling is unreal. everything is a dream, an illusion” - Msperfect777

“I have this mentality that I’m not everyone cause I feel worthless and not speical I can’t really accept that I’m god . Any advice ?”

“thats the ego‼️‼️ you “feel” worthless and “cant accept” your true self bc youre stuck identifying with the human/body/mind = false self. SNAP OUT OF IT. heres an example that i heard somewhere i forgot where: when you watch a movie, you know it is a movie bc you are outside of it. you are observing it. now what about the characters in the movie? they dont know its a movie bc they are not outside of it. they think they are just regular ppl and they dont see the truth, their true selfs: which is just characters in a movie. what about water? water doesnt know its water bc its not on the outside, in order to observe/become aware that it is water. tell me why we can see or be aware of the body? why can we be aware of thoughts and feelings? bc we are “outside” of it. thats not who we really are. we are consciousness which is only aware of the body/ego. its not who we really are. we are not the body; we are not human; we are awareness/consciousness/the observer. we only observe these feelings/body/ego. so why take them seriously? now that you know that the ego is false and the body is false and that your true identity is only the observer, choose to stop identifying and agreeing with your thoughts and ego. they arent real. silently observe those thoughts and feelings come and go bc as the observer, observing is your nature. theres no need to fight with these unreal, imaginary things right? know your true self and observe. “ -msperfect777

“i am everything, right? so if i want to be in a TV show being a specific character, i already am and i just have to be aware of it? but how could i be aware of something i want if i don't know how it is having/being that thing?”

“sounds like ego is over complicating it… u are aware of these words right now. do u have to “know how its like” observing these words to be aware of them? no bc being aware and observing is natural, thats ur true identity. imagine it and it exists instantly. any other thoughts or beliefs are unreal, illusionary ego.” - msperfect777

“i have dream last night and want to know what you think. about dreams!”

“dreams r unreal. an illusion just like the “waking” “physical” world.” - msperfect 777

“If i am aware of some desire i want in my human being. It will instantly show physically. But what if i don’t see it physically?”

“what is “physical”? for you do identify something as “physical” and worry about some reflection means you see duality and separation where there is none. everything is imagination. you want to see it “physically”? imagine it and it exists instantly. you are limiting yourself to this unreal “physical” world when everything is imagination either way. you havent fully understood non dualism yet.” - msperfect777

“I am a little confused. so like everything is consciousness right, so I am everything and everything is me. so is my human self also me? like when I say “I am happy” does it refer to the human self or my true self?”

“everything is a form of consciousness. the human false self is also a form of consciousness. let me break this down: everything is you but you are not everything. everything is you bc everything is a form of consciousness bc nothing can exists without you being aware of it first. so a cat is a form of consciousness. a cat is you. but you (consciousness) is not the cat. your true self is consciousness and you cannot be a form of consciousness bc consciousness itself is the only real thing. thats why forms of consciousness arent real and only exist when you become aware of them. consciousness = limitless bc you can be / imagine anything. forms of consciousness arent limitless bc they are just forms of you. they cant be limitless bc they are only illusion and therefore unreal. and yes everything is consciousness bc its all you. just wanted to clear that up hopefully its not too confusing. a form of consciousness is unreal while consciousness itself is all it can ever be. yet everything is consciousness (non duality). if thats too confusing to understand, its fine bc either way everything is consciousness. i just wanted to use ur question to mention that. the human self is a form of consciousness but it isnt your true identity (consciousness) bc it is only a form of consciousness. consciousness is naturally “happy” and naturally “peace” so i would say that when ego/human says “i am happy” that it refers to the human ego, not the real you.” -msperfect777

so if i already am immortal, could i never become old (appearance)? and i will literally never die? i have fear of even "manifesting" not physically aging and being immortal, I actually end up aging and dying. it's like so ???? yk idk how to explain

“you are worried about being the human body which you are not. consciousness does not get old. consciousness never dies. consciousness = ur true identity. having that fear is the ego. the ego isnt real and feelings arent real. the body ends up aging and dying which is ur false self… consciousness (ur true self) doesnt. again you are already limitless so if u want the body to not age, imagine it and its done.” -msperfect77

“Giving myself burger in my imagination doesn’t satisfy my hunger in 3D How is that the same? Like seriously not meaning to be rude but doesn’t make sense.”

“thats an illusion. ask yourself who thinks they are still hungry? the answer wouldnt even matter bc this is all not real. you are consciousness that is playing the role of a human being and for the body, it is natural that it eats like its natural for consciousness to be aware. it seems not the same bc ego takes “not satisfying hunger in the physical world” as an excuse for the “physical” being the “real reality” and therefore it thinks imagination and “physical world” are separate, even tho the body is only consciousness bc nothing can exist without u being aware of it first. and since consciousness = imagination, everything = imagination. including the body and the body still being hungry. its all illusion😍. ego just thinks the two situations “feel” different even tho it all exists within consciousness therefore only being consciousness. hope that makes sense. “ - Msperfect777

“perfect , i have a question. all the teachers and blogs say we are human beings, designed to live a human life. let's say I want to manifest being immortal, or for example a vampire, or even a literal goddess. it's possible? with all these lectures saying that we are designed to live a human life, i had this doubt”

“you are already immortal bc consciousness never died bc consciousness was never born. “dying” is an unreal concept for ego and ppl who sadly dont know theyre true selves. you want to be a vampire? imagine it. literally you are every experience ego has had. everything is consciousness = you are already “your” phone. these words are forms of you. the human body is a form of consciousness. the beach and the rain and a chocolate cake and the side walk are forms of you. since you are so limitless that you can take all those infinite forms, why not be a vampire or a goddess. you are infinite limitlessness. dont doubt that. and ppl saying you are designed to life a human life are limited. we take on the role of humans at first but you literally make the rules in your own game. be whatever you want. no one and nothing can stop you💀. dont listen to a teacher/blogger that makes you feel limited. you are meant to do whatever you want, play whatever game you want in whatever form. do it bc you can and thats the point of life. “ -msperfect777

“Not trying to be rude but , you as human not real so why do you eat? Why do you drink? Why do you care about your life since everything is not real?”

“1) i am consciousness disguised as a human being. human bodies have natural things like breathing, blinking, eating etc. those are natural for the human just like it is natural for consciousness to be the observer.

2) non dualism implies nothing is real and this is all an illusion so all this is a game that i get to shape. i can imagine anything and there it is instantly. i can remove and add things right away. the point to enjoy this illusion and have fun and realize that pain and suffering isnt real. since i play the role of a human being, “i” choose to keep the body going by breathing and eating bc those are natural for the body. and i will enjoy the game that is a projection of me (consciousness) which i can shape instantly.” Msperfect777

“This is a lot to take in lol. I’m rereading your series over and over again, but my question is how does it all relate back to loa and manifesting?”

“it has nothing to do with manifesting n loa. thats where ppl get confused im assuming bc loa ppl made it a “trend” so ppl think it has to do with manifesting. non dualism has to do with all of “life”. the point it so notice that “suffering” isnt real. that nothing is real and once you understand it, you will realize all this is just a game and everything is peace. understanding non dualism = everything is you. since everything is you, what is there to “manifest”? non dualism haters say that non dualism stems from loa when non dualism is an ancient concept while loa was known during the 1900s…. loa is like an ant compared to the whole earth when it comes to non dualism. if you try to mix them together, it wont make sense which is what happened in the past when non dualism was a “trend” in the loa community.” -msperfect777

“I know that I have my desired appearance but when I look in the mirror I see other appearance so what can I do?”

“You haven't grasped that the "physical" reality is not real and are waiting for something to materialize! You know you have it in imagination so there's no need to continue to look in the mirror and go "I don't see it yet. Cause at the end of the day it's your ego that "doesn't see it yet" and you are not the ego.” @iamthat-iam

“Hi, I (my ego or whatever) haven't fully understood non-dualism yet. so I want to continue with the law of assumption, self-concept, states, affirm and persist, I know that I am not trying to do this to change something, but that it is already like that, I do not affirm to obtain like when we think that something is going to happen and we affirm it but not for it to happen but because it will happen, thus understanding the manifestation, not to obtain it but because it is already mine and to change my concept of myself but now I feel that this does not work or is not real for not understanding non-dualism. I know that non-dualism is not loa pero igual me confunde todo.”

“Hey, it's totally fine if you don't understand non dualism yet! And it sounds like you understand law of assumption, not doing techniques to get things but understanding you already have it. If non dualism is making you confused, I would stop reading posts about it (and maybe law of assumption posts too) and just focus on having your desires already. “ -iamthat-iam

“What is the truth ? Is truth subjective and personal or objective? Am I the one who determines the truth and am I the one who controls the truth? Do ı have to listen to what teachers, masters, gurus, coaches tell Is it possible that I don't want to accept the teachings of teachers, masters, gurus and coaches as true and real and real? I don't accept the teachings of teachers, masters, gurus, coaches, etc. as true and real, can I do that? How do I recognize, accept and realize that I am the one true God? What do you mean by no desire? “

“Hi, so there is only one "objective truth", that being you decide what is true or not. All other "truths" are subjective. You are consciousness and consciousness is the only reality. People who believe in karma will experience karma, those who don't, will not. The people who do experience karma are consciousness of it existing. You don't have to accept what any teachers or gurus say, because you are the one who decides what the truth is. Accepting your true nature as God means to dis identify with your body, your mind and your ego (human identity) As God, consciousness, awareness, you already are everything, you are always fulfilled, complete and whole, therefore there's nothing to desire, all desires come from ego and the illusion of seperation. “-iamthat-iam

“Hiiii queen I’ve been reading your posts for the last two days and I get everything except the part where how can I change the experience of my human self? I get it that it’s all an Illusion but how do I change it”

“Hiii! The statement "it's an illusion" answers your own question! What experience is there to change, if it's not real to begin with? Anything about your ego's life that you wanted to change, has already happened and already exists within consciousness. You're not lacking anything! “ -iamthat-iam

“i feel like this is redundant but do you have any tips for accepting consciousness as reality? or is it just something that comes to you”

“When you daydream, sometimes you get so lost that when you "snap back" to "reality" you're like woah, I completely forgot where I was!”

“That's because the physical reality isn't real, it comes and goes, and it disappeared when you were daydreaming. In that moment that daydream was your reality because you were conscious of it. Test it out, get really lost in a daydream, and then notice how your awareness of the "physical" slowly fades. “ -iamthat-iam

“So all I have to do is imagine my desire and BAM I just experienced it? Since imagination is the only reality ... Imagine it and knowing that it really happened at the very moment when I imagined it and just go on my day without worrying or anything because that particular thing already happened , what wanted already is there THAT'S IT??”

Yes!! That's literally it! I think people aren't grasping how simple this is! Imagine once and it's DONE” -iamthat-iam

“I still feel unsure on nondualism. It’s just that I’ve been part of loa for so long. And I see so many success stories. But once I went through the nondualism posts, I see no success stories whatsoever. It’s just the same thing “OMG I UNDERSTAND NOW!” “I feel so calm” but never anything related to applying it for something they previously wanted. I get it’s not to “get” something, but I guess it’s just me still wanting proof or something.”

“You're going to see a lot of loa success stories because it is a results based practice, you go into it to achieve something so it's exciting when it shows up "physically!" In Non Dualism, the goal is to stop identifying with ego and realize that who you are is God, consciousness, awareness, etc. You see there's no seperation between you and anything so that means everything you once "desired" is already who you are. You never feel the sense of desire again because of this. So when the anons say they understand now and feel at peace, that is the success story. Any "physical materialization" that happens after will not seem like such a big deal, since it was already who they were to begin with. It's a life changing experience, maybe they are enjoying their newfound freedom and not going on social media as much to share "materialization" success stories, maybe they are just private, who knows. At the end of the day, it's something you are going to have try for yourself. The worst that could happen is not seeing your desires "physically" which is where you may or may not be at already! It's completely up to you 😊” -iamthat-iam

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

LAST THOUGHTS

Now looking back at this, the AMOUNT of questions regarding the physical/manifestation is unreal. I am not saying again that it wrong to ask questions of course not !! I do it myself. It just that these questions already been answered by many bloggers. so please guys do your research, read as many blogs, and if it still doesn’t click, then that is when its reasonable to ask. But i feel like many aren’t putting in their part to learn, and just expect to have someone educate/inform them, when there are many MANY resources where you can get informed yourself. So please take your time to grasp it before asking. I rarely ask questions like maybe once or twice but that is because there are so many great blogs that have answered my questions perfectly. I am not saying you have to learn fast but reminding you to take advantage of the amazing resources out there!

Check this out to better understand:

Shoutout to @lains-reality for this wonderful blog !!

I also want this to be shared more!!!:

“Just to add. Usually when we daydream, we are in a state of hopelessly wishing we were that person in the daydream. We are fully immersed in it, while thinking we are the person daydreaming and not the person in the daydream. The simple fact that we call it a "daydream" is a statement that we believe that which we are experiencing in that moment, is but a mere fantasy. So yeah, you can daydream for years, and as long as it's still a daydream, it will remain a daydream... until you dare to identify as the person in the daydream and let go of the daydreamer who can only wish that were them.”

Shoutout to @napolonio for this wonderful input!!!

That is all i got for today. I will continue adding more Q&A by different bloggers when I can ! And as always, Happy non-dualing !

[ahalliance]

qétoiles n qbagz’ convo about his code arm + fun banter from last sunday :] english subs + transcript below da cut

[Video transcript:

Etoiles: But yesterday when he [Forever] talked to me, he was so frightened, basically he was like, ‘But one day won’t you lose your shit and want to kill the Eggs with the Code, and everything?’ Though I was telling him, ‘But the fact is, I know the Code very well’—

Baghera: Oh, so you told him you joined—?

Etoiles: No, no, no, not at all. It’s just that he has these assumptions that I’m really allied to the Code because—

Baghera: I think it’s due to your Code tattoo, also, it gives off the impression you’re in the process of transforming into a Code, Etoiles, let’s not lie.

Etoiles: That’s it, that’s it. But, basically I told him that I’ve had it since—

Baghera: But you don’t give a shit? You’re taking it well?

Etoiles: Well, yeah, I don’t give a shit because I know he’ll never beat me. Basically I—

Baghera: But you don’t give a shit about the code literally popping up over your body?

Etoiles: Well, yeah, because it’s a part of me now. It’s normal.

Baghera: How?

Etoiles: Well, after— after fighting someone 17 times, you start— you start creating links. But those links—

Baghera: But— you know that’s not how things work. Like— look, we cross paths. Right now we’re crossing paths. You see? We’re crossing paths. I kick your ass. Like, for free. You see? I see you, I’m like, ‘Bro, I don’t like his face,’ so I kick your ass.

Etoiles: But no! Because if you tell me ‘Good fight’ at the end—

Baghera: I see you again— wait, I’m not finished. I see you again like 12 times, and I tell myself, ‘Hey, I’ll do it again,’ I kick your ass again. After a while, Rayou, I won’t get diabetes!

Etoiles: Well, maybe you will, huh.

Baghera: Yes, but it’s not— it doesn’t work, like— there’s no correlation, you see!

Etoiles: You know you won’t have those cells anymore, you know, it’s possible.

Baghera: But— no— what I mean is— Etoiles! That’s now how it works! It’s worrisome! It’s normal for us to worry!

Etoiles: Well, yeah, but, uhhh. Basically, you’re all used to talking with me on the island. And you understand very well that there’s nothing able to corrupt me.

Baghera: That we don’t know, Etoiles! Because— if it’s— I know that your morality, and your enormous brain, and your big body, won’t get corrupted. But if there’s suddenly— well, what I mean is that we don’t know what all the possible systems of manipulation on the island are.

Etoiles: It’s true. No, it’s true. But for the moment I’m doing well.

Baghera: Yeah, well, so much the better. But—

Etoiles: For the moment I’m doing well!

Baghera: If you feel any change, Etoiles, mention it, okay?

Etoiles: Oh, I’ll talk about it. But for the time being I’m doing very well.

Baghera: So I can understand peoples’ fear upon seeing you LITERALLY transform into a Code and who tell themselves, ‘Oh, strange, maybe there’s a thing with the Codes.’

Etoiles: It’s true but who can better know the dangers of the Code than someone who’s confronted it his whole life? Instead of someone who—

Baghera: I’m well aware.

Etoiles: No but it’s— it’s— it’s for that reason that I told Forever. I totally understand the fear and everything, it’s normal. You see a dude turning into a Code, you ask yourself, ‘What’s the guy who sent him doing?’

Baghera: Well, yeah, there you go.

Etoiles: Like, ‘Who sent him?’

Baghera: But you don’t feel any different? Nothing?

Etoiles: Absolutely not, no. Everything is going well. I still hate the Code whenever I see him, I still want to kick his ass. Everything’s fine. Even if right now I want him—

Baghera: But you join up with them when he suggests it, yeah. Well, it’s to get the shield back.

Etoiles: It was just for the shield, believe me. Believe me, if I run into them again- if I run into them again and they don’t offer me things to save the Eggs and everything, it’s goodbye. And considering what I’ve prepared— considering what I’ve prepared, I objectively think that 5 Codes won’t be enough to kill me. There’ll need to be 10 of them.

Baghera: They might bring 10, huh.

Etoiles: Yeah, well, then again, we have time.

Baghera: Well, in any case, they don’t want to kill you anymore since you’re working with them.

Etoiles: Well, in fact, we’re not really— actually— I don’t really know what he’s thinking. Because the last time we talked I told them, ‘But if you lay even a finger on the Eggs, I’ll kick your fucking asses, you sacks of shit.’ And they left, and they didn’t answer me.

Baghera: Then again, they’re a bit cryptic, the Codes, you know.

Etoiles: Yeah, but normally they— I managed to talk with them a bit, so— so I don’t know. Personally, I’m telling you—

Baghera: Okay, no, what I mean is that I understand why when people see you they think, ‘Maybe it’s possible he’s getting a little bit corrupted by the Codes.’

Etoiles: No but yeah, yeah, I totally get it. But honestly, never. Never in a million years.

Baghera: I believe you! I trust you. But if there’s— if once you feel any difference or something of the sort, you mention it, okay? To whomever you want, but you mention it.

Etoiles: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (10000x)

Baghera: You know you’re not very reassuring when you say that, as an answer.

Etoiles: That’s true. But I’m telling you there’s no problem. And— actually. The moment I start feeling strange, I’ll put numbers. And so you’ll have to come get me.

Baghera: Okay, okay. I’ll remember that.

Etoiles: Just that. But I— I— yeah. I whisper in the Code’s ear.

Baghera: The day you start talking to me in binary, there’ll be an issue, basically.

Etoiles: The day I say, ‘10001’, that’s it. But actually, I’m telling you, I could never be corrupted because I have AVAST, my wool block which blocks viruses.

Baghera: That’s real, that’s real.

end video transcript.]

[multifandomwriter56]

As It Was

A/N: Hello! I know I've been MIA for a long time. Life has been crazy and going back to college while having a full time job has taken a lot of my time. But I'm hoping to get back to writing on this blog. I've missed it and I have missed everyone so much. I make no promises but I'm going to try.

Summary: Arthur and Y/n have always been super close; but when the boys get back from the war, things have change.

Characters: Arthur Shelby, Tommy Shelby, Sister!Reader

Warnings: language, mentions Arthur's attempt at suicide

Word Count: 2,698

*gif is not mine*

The rumor about the men who came back from the war are not the same men that left; It’s true. No one came back the same after the war. Not a single soul.

But it wasn’t just the soldiers who changed. Those who were stuck at home, waiting for their loved ones to return. They changed too.

Y/n couldn’t pinpoint exactly when she changed. She just remembers one day realizing she’s not the little girl who loved to draw rainbows, horses, and flowers anymore. Or the little girl who taught Finn how to aim at a moving rat, even though their Aunt Polly despised them touching guns. Not even the little girl who would take walks with her favorite brother, Arthur.

Y/n would never say she has a favorite brother aloud, but she knows her family sees how close the oldest brother and youngest sister are. There may be eighteen years difference between them, but they would sometimes act like twins.

Y/n enjoys John’s company and loves his jokes. Finn, she will always protect and care for. Ada, well they clash on fashion and boys, but they would kill for one another. And Tommy, well, the two siblings have never been able to get along. Tommy had big dreams that didn’t include his baby sister. Greta wanted to change the world and wanted Tommy to help her. Y/n wanted Tommy to help take care of the family instead of spending all his time at the docks waiting for the young woman to show up.

Even at a young age, Y/n knew it would always be Tommy who would provide for the family; be their leader. She loves Arthur, but he’s more of a follower than a leader. Tommy has always had ideas and Y/n knew those ideas would help them rise in Small Heath.

So with the boys off fighting in the war, Y/n made sure to follow her brother’s orders on how to run the shop.

Polly was the only one Y/n would let stray from Tommy’s list.

“You’re ten years old, Y/n. You are not the boss and know nothing about bets.” Her aunt admonishes.

“I know enough, Polly. I have Tommy’s list and Arthur’s notes.”

“So now you’re an expert at running betting shops?”

“I wasn’t saying that.” The ten year mumbles.

“Then you’ll do your best to remember who is in charge of the business.”

Y/n knows when to stop when it comes to her aunt. “Yes, ma’am.”

Y/n will admit, she learnt a lot from her aunt; not just business, but women’s business.

But now that the war is over, Y/n’s noticed how more involved Tommy is; how he keeps adding to the business.

Arthur is less present when it comes to his baby sister. They don’t go on walks anymore.

The fourteen year old moved into Arthur’s home when they came back. She wanted away from her very controlling brother and closer to the brother she knows best.

Except now, it seems that she understands Tommy more than she does Arthur.

The war may have changed all of her brothers, but something broke in Arthur. His nightmares keep her up at night and the one time she tried to wake him up, he almost choked her to death.

After that, she would either lay in her bed, listening to his screams or she would get John if the screams lasted longer than ten minutes.

“You shouldn’t be at Arthur’s alone.” Tommy tells his sister as he lit a cigarette.

“I’m not alone. Arthur is there.”

“You know what I mean, Y/n. Arthur is struggling and you being around isn’t helping.”

Y/n scoffs. “Actually, I think I help Arthur more than you can ever imagine trying to help him. You just hate that I’m not under your roof and you can’t boss me around.”

Tommy points his lit cigarette at her, his eyebrows raised in warning. “You will do as you're told or I will turn you over my knee.”

Y/n once again scoffs. Tommy has never disciplined her, he wasn’t ever around to take her in hand. That dirty task was left to their aunt. “Not only am I fourteen years old, but you have never raised a hand to me. Why start now?”

“Don’t push me, Y/n.”

Yeah, he’s bluffing, Y/n thinks. She stands to her feet. “Yes sir, Sergeant Major. If that’s all, Sergeant, I would like to finish my studies. Wouldn’t want to show up to school without my work now would we?”

Tommy pinches the bridge of his nose, resisting the urge to keep arguing with his sister. He, instead, waves his hand in a dismissive gesture without even glancing up.

The day Y/n dreaded came. Arthur had tried to commit suicide by hanging himself after he fell for their father’s con. She had found him at their home, raging and destroying the room. She skillfully dodged his swings and shouted at him.

“Arthur! It’s me! It’s Y/n!” She ducks when he throws an ashtray at her head. “It’s Y/n, brother!”

“Y/n?”

The broken voice has Y/n on the verge of tears. “Yes.” She nods her head. “It’s Y/n. I’m here.” She makes her way to her brother as his knees buckle and he lands on the floor. She holds him close, his chin digging into her shoulder as he sobs.

Y/n doesn’t know how long they stay in this position but she loses feeling in her left shoulder and feet.

When Arthur finally is able to compose himself, he stands to his feet, rubbing a shaking hand through his hair.

“Arthur, what happened to your neck?”

The older man covers the deep bruise around his neck. “Nothing.”

Y/n starts to shake her head, the pieces falling together. “No, no. You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t leave me here.” She stops talking but her head is still moving side to side; not wanting to accept that her brother, her hero, tried to kill himself.

“Y/n, I’m sorry, I-”

“No!” She sharply cuts him off. “Don’t apologize. I just need a moment to process.” She sits in a chair that he hadn’t flipped yet. “I need to figure out what to do. I need- no you need some of Polly’s ointment, and a drink… yeah, yeah.” She stands to her feet, ignoring the concerned look coming from her brother. “Sit down, Arthur. I’ll pour you some whiskey and get some ointment to help with the bruising.

“Y/n, I don’t- fuck.” Arthur curses when she completely ignores him and heads for the kitchen.

Only a few minutes pass until Y/n comes back. She hands the glass of whiskey to him and starts applying the ointment.

Y/n stayed with her brother until he decided to go to bed. She heads up to her room. In the morning, she’ll tell Polly. Fuck knows what Tommy will say if he hears about this. She never knows if he will help Arthur or make it worse.

In the morning. Y/n told her aunt and she should have known her aunt would tell their fearless leader. So she wasn’t surprised to see him walk in as she hands Arthur a cup of tea.

The look Tommy sends her is clear.

She smiles softly at her eldest brother. “I will be up in my room if you need me.” She tells him, her invitation not extending to the other brother.

She heads upstairs but does not go into her room. She sits on the top step, listening as Tommy belittles their brother. She rolls her eyes. She should’ve known Tommy would never express real feelings.

“Just use a fucking gun, man.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Y/n shouts as she storms down the stairs. “That’s all you have? Next time, use a gun?”

“Leave it be, Y/n.”

Y/n glares at Arthur. “No, Arthur, I can’t just leave it be.” She turns her glare back at the brother she is upset with. “I know it’s hard for you to express feelings now, but I would rather you not say anything at all than talk to our brother that way. He deserves better.”

“Y/n, that’s enough.”

“Fuck off, Thomas!” She shouts as she steps in his space. “You only care about having Arthur around so he can beat and kill people who piss you off. That’s all that matters to the all powerful Tommy Shelby.”

The slap echoes throughout the whole house, each sibling frozen in their place.

Y/n holds a hand over her now stinging cheek, staring at the man who has never raised a hand to her. Her and Tommy may not get along but she never thought he would physically harm her. Never.

She turns to Arthur, wondering how he will react. To her surprise he’s staring at her in disappointment.

“You shouldn’t have spoken to Tommy like that, Y/n. You were out of line.”

“I was out of line?” She snaps. “What am I supposed to do, Arthur, eh? Am I supposed to stand at attention and wait for the sergeant to bark orders? Huh?”

“Enough.” He doesn’t shout, but his voice still booms, causing his baby sister to flinch, preparing for another blow.

The guilt had already come, but seeing her flinch made Tommy feel sick to his stomach. “Y/n, I-” He reaches out to comfort her but stops when she steps back.

“Don’t you fucking touch me. I hate you.” She looks at Arthur. “I hate you both.”

“Let her go, Arthur.” Tommy orders when the eldest Shelby stands to follow Y/n who ran out of the house.

***

For a month, Y/n stays with John and his kids; but as much as she loves her nieces and nephews, she refuses to stay there another night.

Lizzie Stark, who’s been helping her brother with the kids, tells her to go back home, to work it out with Arthur.

“And Tommy?” The fourteen year old asks the older woman.

Lizzie smirks. “Tell him to fuck off.”

Y/n smiles at that. She hopes her brother doesn’t wait too long to give Lizzie the ring he’s been hiding.

Knowing exactly where her brother will be, Y/n heads to the Garrison. Taking a deep breath, she knocks on the locked door.

“We’re closed.” Is the muffled response from the barmaid.

“It’s Y/n Shelby.” She knows that’s all she has to say for the doors to open. Grace has been kind to her since she’s started working at the pub, and Y/n appreciates that, but she doesn’t trust the barmaid. She’s not sure why, but she has a hard time believing this Irish woman just decided to move to Birmingham without a real reason.

When the door opens, she smiles politely at Grace before squeezing past her. She heads straight to the back room, knowing her eldest brother will be attempting to balance the books.

She comes to halt mere centimeters from the entrance, her heart racing. What if he really is on Tommy’s side? What if he thinks she really did deserve to be slapped? What if she’s completely lost the only person to ever love her for her?

“Gracie, is that you? You ready to help me with these numbers yet?”

Y/n laughs quietly through the breath she was holding. Who is she kidding? Arthur is one of the kindest, loving people she knows. How could he hate her… right?

“It’s me, Arthur.” She barely gets that short sentence out above a whisper.

“Y/n?”

She steps fully into the room, her arms behind her back. “Hi.”

Arthur just stares at his baby sister, the anger, the pain of not seeing her for days, and the guilt… the guilt that has literally eaten him alive, rises to the surface. His loyalty to his brother clouded his love for his sister and he will hate himself for the rest of his life.

Being a Shelby makes it hard for them to express their emotions through words. No matter the emotion, the words usually fail to spit out, but actions, they’ve never been a problem for a Shelby.

So instead of saying the words, “I’m sorry” Arthur jumps to his feet and pulls the young girl into his arms, holding as tight as he can.

And since Y/n is not only a Shelby but also able to read her brother like a book, Y/n returns the hug and her anger disappears.

“You’re coming back home, ain’t ya?”

Y/n smiles, glad she was right. “My bag is already back in my room.”

Arthur squeezes her one more time, dropping a wet kiss on top of her head before releasing her. “Good.”

Y/n goes to ask him about how he’s been but a familiar voice stops her.

“Arthur, Tommy told me to get you. Family meeting in ten.” Finn turns to his sister, hope in his eyes. “Are you back?”

Y/n had kept in touch with Finn, having him fill her in on everything that was happening while she was gone. Finn didn’t know much, but she was able to fill in the gaps on most of what he told her.

“Yes, I’m back.”

Finn smiles. “Good. Arthur’s been too emotional and Tommy’s about to shoot him if he hears him complain one more time about you not being at the family meetings.”

Y/n laughs at Finn’s blunt statement; laughing harder when Arthur spouts profanities as he takes off after the youngest Shelby. She follows the duo, figuring it’s time for her to show her faceto the rest of the family.

Her smile stays in place as they make their way to Watery Lane, listening to her brother banter back and forth about what to tell and what to keep to yourself. So far, Finn’s winning the argument.

She can feel her smile start to get smaller the closer they get to her old home; and the smile completely disappears when Arthur opens the door for her. She comes to a halt at the threshold of the betting shop, her eyes immediately on the Peaky Blinders leader.

She’s thankful he hasn’t noticed her yet, but that little comfort quickly disappears when her aunt tells him to shut up as she makes her way to her niece.

Y/n easily accepts the hug from her aunt, the woman who practically raised her, but winces when she gets a clip to her ear.

“A month is too damn long, girl.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispers as Polly releases her; a small smile appears when her aunt gently caresses her cheek.

Knowing she needs to face the elephant in the room, or more commonly known as Thomas Shelby, Y/n peels her eyes off her aunt and stares straight into her brother’s eyes, hoping he can’t see the fear in them.

Compared to the other family members, Tommy is a mute when it comes to emotions. The only time words and emotions are mixed together is when he’s angry. He doesn’t say “I love you”, “I need you”, or anything that is remotely tied to emotions.

That said, the man is a master at showing his emotions through actions. One look can tell you so much about the gang leader. You just have to know how to read them; and Y/n is a master at this skill. She’s almost as good as their aunt.

So when she sees the barely noticeable nod of approval, and watches as Tommy pulls out a chair; she knows she has been welcomed back by their fearless leader.

And after she sits, he gently kisses her cheek, the same cheek he hurt a month ago, and she knows he’s asking for forgiveness.

She grasps his hand before he can pull away, giving it one good squeeze, so he knows he’s been forgiven.

They will never have a relationship like her and Arthur, or like him and Ada; but they can coexist together in their family; and that’s enough for them both.

Peaky Blinders: @psychkunox @theshelbyclan @lilymurphy03 @findinghisredrighthand

Forevers: @desiredposion @theseakrakence @simonsbluee

[a-dragons-journal]

Humanity and the Lack Thereof

This essay was co-written between Rani and Viridian; Viridian's text is in green and bracketed.

Humanity is an interesting thing.

I am otherkin. I am nonhuman, a dragon-in-human-skin, draconic to my core. I feel phantom wings and tail, the instinctive knowledge of how to breathe fire even though I don’t understand how it works, a bones-deep longing and homesickness for the sky, numerous instincts and urges tied to being something other than human. Many who are like me reject humanity entirely, don’t feel human at all. And yet, I am also human, deeply and truly. I am just as human as I am dragon - I like my human body, I love the things I can do with it (hands, dexterous hands, are a wonderful thing), I overall enjoy my human life. I am nonhuman, but I am not not human.

Viridian, who is watching “over my shoulder” as I write this, is a vampire. She is a fictive, from one of the Vampire: the Masquerade games that I play in, wherein vampires are typically considered to be… on the boundary line between “human” and “nonhuman.” Many vampires cling to their humanity and adamantly consider themselves human; I would go so far as to say this is the norm. Those who do not often become monstrous indeed, though often they do not.

[ I do not consider myself human. I am Kindred, vampire, Cainite. I am part of humanity, as a general populace - but I do not like being called human.

[ I think part of it is that being human is often put in direct opposition to being vampire as a personal identifier. Those who adamantly insist they are “still human” often mean as opposed to being a vampire instead. Being no longer human is, as Rani wrote, often considered a sign of becoming a monster instead.

[ But I worked hard for my Embrace, my being turned into a vampire. I worked to earn the right to call myself Kindred for nearly a decade. And yes, perhaps some of it is that I was taught by my original sire that the Embrace was an ascension above humanity, and that still colors my feelings on my own vampirism even if I acknowledge that he was wrong to consider us inherently above humans. But much of it is that being called human feels like a denial of my vampirism, a rejection of it, and for me that is not empowering - it is denying and rejecting something deeply important to me. Kindred is who I am. Human was only ever circumstantially true, a circumstance of birth - Kindred was something I actively sought out, pursued, chose. ]

Which is interesting, because to a certain extent, “human” is only circumstantially true for me, too. If I hadn’t been born human, I sincerely doubt I would identify as one in the same way that I identify as a dragon despite not being born into a dragon body. I could be wrong, of course - I have no way to prove it either way - but I suspect that if I am correct about reincarnation and I end up in another body after this one, I will not have the same “spillover” of humanity that I do of draconity from my dragon life.

And yet, I am human, and I actively dislike it when people try to strip that from me. Part of that, admittedly, is that the handful that try to see me as only dragon, and reject that I am human, are usually doing it because they’re violently misanthropic individuals, so it’s soured the whole thing for me because the reason they’re rejecting my humanity is so they can try to get me to shit-talk the rest of humanity with them. (If I have to hear one more dragon legitimately, whole-heartedly say that they think humanity should be extincted, I’m going to lose it.) But part of it is that my humanity is important to me, just as important as my draconity. I am both. I’ve written whole essays on this topic.

[ In that way, perhaps we’re not so different after all. I dislike being called human because it feels like a rejection of who I am, who I chose to be; you dislike being called not-human because it is a rejection of who you are. ]

Maybe so. Funny how different societal circumstances can yield opposite results from the same kind of pressures.

I think that part of the discrepancy between us is also that I’m a very physical person. Frankly, I am a chemical creature; I enjoy physicality, I enjoy affectionate touch, I enjoy the physical pleasures life has to offer. I enjoy food. I enjoy sexual pleasure. I enjoy the exhilaration of getting my heart going and my instincts fired up in a self-defense class. I live, I live, I live! is ever a cry of joy in my heart. And a lot of that ties into my animality! I am a dragon animal, yes, but I am also a human animal, and both of these things must be satisfied! The dragon yearns for the wind and the view when I climb up to a height, for the fire of battle I can get out of a sparring match; the human yearns for the taste of sun-warm berries right off the bush, for the warm press of bodies when I hug and cuddle with loved ones. Both of them love a good nap in the sun. I am a physical creature, I am an animal, and my animal-ness connects me to my body and thus to my humanity, rather than separating me from it.

[ Meanwhile, none of this has ever been true for me. Yes, of course I enjoy certain delicacies; I miss my brother’s cookies periodically, it’s true. But I’ve never loved these things the way Rani does. It’s not that I dislike the pleasures of life, but I’ve just… never really cared. It wasn’t much of a loss when I was Embraced, to trade food and sunlight and heartbeat for immortality and knowledge and power. It was almost convenient to not have to deal with the maintenance a living body requires - no excretion of waste, no inconvenient aches or pains or stomach cramps, a frankly much more manageable frequency of requiring sustenance. My body is just a tool, and the Embrace made it more efficient in most ways. And now, after twenty-three years of being dead, being in a living body again is overwhelming in some ways and just downright unpleasant in others. Even most of the physical matters Rani actively enjoys are either overwhelming or uninteresting for me. I am happy to leave the care and maintenance of the body to them. It’s not necessarily that I actively had a disconnect from my human body, originally, so much as that I didn’t have an active connection to it to make me identify with it, and thus my being “human” was, as I said, only ever circumstantial. My becoming Kindred overrode it, and I prefer to leave it that way.

[ Ironic, that the one whose nonhumanity is so human-shaped should be the one to reject humanity, but here we are. ]

Here we are.

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "Your true colors - (4/7) Green"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a message for you from the color green, the fourth of the 7 rainbow's colors. in this serie of readings about the rainbow's colors, I will try to channel about your true colors, so to help you look inside and see your most beautiful self, appreciate yourself more and hopefully provide some type of guidance if necessary. as cindy lauper would say: "your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow", so let's look at them and hear what they have to say to you and how they (you) can help you look at things in a more positive way.

green is the color of healing, balance, peace, abundance, hope, money, growth, love, connection, surrender, trust (heart chakra)... in this reading, I'll try to analyze this side of your character.

you can find the other colors' readings in the pacs list in my pinned post

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

1 2 3 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

It feels like you've been waiting for something for a lot of time now. It could be love or connections, it could be a good stable career (and income), it could be also "feeling healed". About this last point let me add this reminder that healing is about finding a way to react in an healthier way to your possible triggers (yes, there may still be some here and there, but it doesn't mean you're not succeeding at what you do: pay attention to how differently you are reacting compared with the past. Maybe you are not spiralling so easily as before or maybe you're recognizing what's behind your trigger: that's a sign you're doing your healing right. I know it feels like it's never ending, but the moment you'll find a balance and not let yourself get discouraged by each fallback you may encounter, that's the moment you'll understand for real what I -well, many psychologists- mean. Take it slow). I feel you may even get envious of others having (apparently/easily) what you are trying so hard to obtain but seem to not be able to. You may be comparing yourself with others too (please, don't... you're your own type of special, don't lose sight of this truth). I think your heart is also suggesting you to calm down and wait, to not be too impatient. You are a very loving, kind, gentle soul, and ofc you (even unconsciously) feel like you deserve something back (you indeed do!!) but... it seems you're getting the absence of positive immediate signs (or even supposedly slightly negative signs -which may be just tests or corrections in your journey) as a huge NO from Universe. Tbh the more you keep asking for a sign, for something tangible, the more you are giving space for uncertainty and self doubts and ruining your manifestations (not saying it's not human at all, we all go there and it's okay. But try to stay as much as you can connected with your positivity, without avoiding paying attention to the negative side of your life: nobody wants toxic positivity ofc). I think you are asked to give yourself time and space. To enjoy the show, somehow (even if yes, it may sound bittersweet at first but it's more like... "let things flow/go", trust).

You may also not be giving your heart the right time and space to heal something. Or you're not paying real attention to something: maybe you feel you have healed your problem and got over it but it's not entirely so: you may even get dreams or other impulses from your mind about this. Our minds tend to recall what our hearts haven't healed fully, so if you think/dream about someone or something and it makes you overwhelmed or nervous/scared, chances are you need to still work on that a little more to get over it and leave space for new and better things to come. You are someone who rarely gives up but ofc, as every human does, sometimes you may feel disheartened. We all have dark periods when things get harder: when these happens try to reconnect with your heart (and take care of it, maybe putting your hands over your heart chakra and sending it love could help you too). You are such an hopeful and positive (maybe with others more than yourself... try to include yourself too) and also an abundant person, you just need to remind this yourself and put this type of energy into the Universe, so that the magic can happen and you can get more. Keep believing in your abilities and in yourself. And that you deserve so much more. I think the Universe is giving you some kind of feeling in this sense, like your intuition may be telling you to not give up to the dark but to just be patient a bit more (despite those darker days) cause bigger things are being prepared just for you, so yeah trust it. Trust yourself and your heart. You're not asking for too much anyway, but big things and changes (like going the opposite way from what you're used, like even changing your mental pattern) require a bigger amount of time. I think for many of you it's about love (even self love tbh or any other type of connection you have experienced: romantic, friendship, family...), maybe you need to heal/grieve and get over a past connection (situation/feeling) to get a new and possibly better one. I just read this by chance and its fitting so I guess it's for you: "Give yourself the permission to heal the same thing more than once". Allow yourself the same kindness and time respect you allow others.

song: hypnotized | purple disco machine, sophie and the giants (highly recommend reading the lyrics)

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 2

Your pile is giving me a hard time (luv ya). It feels like you don't want to let me in... maybe you tend to close off to others in general. I think you may have been through something big in the past (abandonment wounds more likely, someone left you out of the blue or you couldn't really trust people being there for you to help you when you needed them) and now you simply fear letting people in (it'd mean let them hurt you once again ofc). Some bits of you though may be starting to occasionally pour out of you, some even without control (your inner child wants more attention prolly)... maybe you are unconsciously trying to still be in touch with others, to connect more (we're humans, we need connections). I bet you feel alone these days, and I am sorry. Probably your heart still wants you to let down your walls or build some window, so to see if it's worthy to let someone in... maybe. I guess in love (any type) we have to take the risk of trusting others, of being vulnerable and letting them in. I think love (again any type) is our conscious choice to give someone else the power to hurt us... but still it's up on us to stop that hurt when we start to feel it. And talk about it before it gets too much, do not pretend things are always fine and you can take it all. There's such an overflow of emotions from you... You are abundant of love (or miss it so bad, no in between), you cannot keep it inside anymore and you're searching for something or someone to be able to take it all in and free you from that abundance (and give you back as much too and stop that lack, despite many of you mostly need to give). But maybe you fear being rejected and accused of being too much or hard to handle. Beware that yes, not everyone may be ready to be overwhelmed by your love or requests (as you may ofc not be ready to give it to someone since day 1), so just take things slow and talk. Remember also that some people may not be able to handle their own emotions to start with, so when you pour yours onto them, they may get overwhelmed and project onto you their fears and accuse you of being what you're not: "too much". We're all different, but it doesn't mean it cannot work (at least not always: it depends on the specific people involved). What I feel like telling you is... trust your intuition: it will guide you to the right people and places. You don't have to do it all alone, you don't have to stay alone... just take time to get used again with sharing and slowly letting down your walls. Not everyone is here to hurt you, and you can trust yourself in being able to recognize such people anyway and close them off, while letting others who deserve in. You're really full of love anyway... I don't have any other way to explain this. Your energy is so lovely. Maybe get a plant or a puppy, start pouring your love onto them, they will ofc receive it all happily and give back in their own way (a plant growing healthily and giving you flowers or even fruits, if applies, or having pretty shining green leaves is its way to tell you "thank you, ily").

This said, I do think you need to meditate and take some time to talk with your heart, decide what you can compromise on and what not (at least in the beginning, when starting reconnecting with others) and things like that. To meet the type of people you want to meet and deserve to meet, and get what you want, you need to be more open and even start going to search for them also in places you may not be considering atm (be the first one starting a convo if you want; don't always wait for others: maybe you both are waiting for the other so... try. If they "reject" you, it doesn't have to be you the cause of this rejection. It could be their "problem" too or that we're simply not made for everyone as not everyone is made for us). We can find different people in different places, even where we would never go (sometimes we are convinced we don't like something/someone but if we gave ourself the chance to try, we may even change our mind). Trust your guts for this, let yourself be called even by things you probably would have never considered joining or doing before (to get a different result, we need to do something different and it works for people too: not just in the way we act but also in the places we go to, a change can be needed and bring success). Idk why I am suddenly thinking about work with you. Maybe you want to change job or are moving somewhere else? That's good: changing, meeting different people and/or cultures may totally help you get a different approach in your life too and realize better your needs and that not everyone is the same ever in the world (you don't have to go the distance to see this btw). Totally give it a shot (confirmation, if you need: a change -probably even just in behaviour/routine or anything- may bring you wealth too not just in connections but money as well). My nose is itching so bad with you, probably you'll get some important download about what you'll have to do soon to get what you want, maybe even a dream or sign or something. You may be feeling lost so... yeah, this download will help you in your journey. Just let yourself get out more, even physically out of your home not just out of your own cage you have buildt inside around your heart. Let yourself be seen and found. You can survive anything, you have yourself, be sure of that. And anyway, you won't be alone forever. You can change this, your people are waiting for you (I literally had to check the time like yeah... it's time, come on!). Ofc keep trying to heal the reasons behind whatever is that is blocking you or caused you to cage yourself. Maybe for some of you healing will happen or improve when you'll meet other people, so it's fine if for now you don't feel like going too deep. It will happen at the right time, trust your own guidance.

song: basic instinct | the acid; running mate | lemolo (got called by both, so yeah.. you're lucky pile 2 ;) )

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 3

You are someone not scared of putting in hard work in order to get something you want. And I think you also have a very good mind that supports you in taking the right decisions or at least not giving up at the first obstacles or difficulties. I think you know it's okay to be a learner at first (and anyway, everyone is, and your heart knows this well) because you know you can see your results whenever you put effort into what you do. Things come easily to you, especially when you create this magic connection and balance between your light, heart/love and soul. When you connect really with your core center, and realize you are working for something you really deeply want and desire, you know you can do anything and go through anything. You change, adapt, grow, and always get to see abundance/success or attract it in your life. Or get to its side. Somehow though, and that's normal, at times you may get tired of always having to put in so much effort in all you do. At times you may be wondering if you're doing it all right and for something, or if you're actually being seen. I do think you are not being seen and appreciated that often to be honest, and this can cause you some self worth doubts. Maybe the people around you do not really give you feedback as much as you'd like... maybe you had to grow up and always had to work hard and get many positive results in order to get praised by your caregivers or others (contrary to others around you: you felt you had to put in a double effort to get the same kind of appreciation -it wasn't you the "wrong" one anyway, js), and this habit stayed with you. It helped you feel included and appreciated. You probably wear/wore masks sometimes or with someone and you kinda lost yourself in the process (or cause you focused mostly on your material life for long). But your heart knows that's not what is all about. You don't have to do anything in particular to be loved and appreciated, you only need to be you. I also think you need to work only on what you really want for yourself (mentioned above), not for others: you're caring and nice but, you're here for you and if you have to overwork to be seen... that's not good. Ofc to do this, you need to start a journey of getting back to yourself and knowing yourself again. You may have people pleasing tendencies and need to do what others require you to do, but that's not always what you want to do too. Try choosing with your heart and set up some boundaries. Protect your purity and energy from anything evil that may try to get your best and use your abilities and talents only to your own personal advantage. I think your career/grades will get better the moment you start doing this too (ofc, for those who can resonate).

Your heart is probably tired of not being acknowledged for who you really are, of being taken for granted... I feel like you may be thinking of giving up sometimes. Maybe you also had to be the responsible one since a young age, to almost parent your caregivers and they often came to you for support or you had to take decisions you didn't want to take. I perceive sadness around you and I'm very sorry. A heavy heart. Don't give up, please. Not yet. Ofc, take a break but don't give up entirely, especially if there's something you really want to do. Know you can always ask for support to others, even professional figures and you can take back what's yours and who you are. You can start again and start from yourself and who you really are. And you can even get away from whatever is hurting you if you need that. I do think you need peace most and foremost... You have worked too hard for too long, you felt in charge so many times and you did so much you didn't want to do. Now it's time to take a vacation (real or mental and emotional, at least) and relax your mind and heart. Heal your heart and then start your own personal journey. You have learned so much through these experiences, you know your worth and you know you can always make it and survive, so you know you're invincible. I don't have to be the one telling you for sure. ;) Just don't give up now even if your heart feels so tired. Better connections, people that will see you for who you are for real and appreciate you, will come in your life. Find yourself again. I do think there's a real lot in front of you to still be uncovered, and maybe also inside of you. A huge new (balanced) world you'll love and that will bring you so much more. You're still under construction, so keep building yourself up. I am seeing a cocoon/embryo, so yeah, it pairs with the green lemon in your photo too.

song: you are enough | sleeping at last

[thinlyq]

Ana Quotes

You decide once and for all that you aren’t going to eat. There are no further decisions.

The secret of success is the consistency to pursue.

Don’t do anything today that you’ll regret tomorrow.

The hungrier you are, the more fat you burn.

I’m not starving myself, I’m perfecting my emptiness.

Thin is forever.

The only freedom left is the freedom to starve.

Pain is only as real as you allow it to be.

Nothing can’t be fixed with hunger and weight loss.

You cannot taste perfection. You feel it.

Hunger won’t betray you like eating will.

Do not give up what you want most for what you want at the moment.

You have to do stuff that average people don’t understand because those are the only good things.

Every time you say “No thank you” to food, you say “Yes please” to thin.

Thin is beautiful. Even thinner is perfection.

I’m a teenage drama queen. I’ll throw up my guts for self esteem.

Denying yourself food is not true deprivation; never being thin is.

I want my collar bones and hips to be as strong as my mind.

The difference between Want and Need is Self Control.

Fat lasts longer than flavour.

A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.

It’s not a diet, its a lifestyle.

Don’t just dream about the change; make the change and be the change. No one will do it for you.

Those skinny girls you envy… When you see them in the cafe, at the mall, at a party, are they eating? No. So, what makes you think you should?

You know what that means? When our tummy is hungry and you don’t give it food, it begins to eat away at your stored fats. Eat away tummy, eat away…

The greasy fry, it does not lie, the truth is written on your thigh.

Food is temptation, once you overcome temptation, you can do anything.

I don’t care if it hurts, I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.

It’s always better to fade into nothingness than to have a cheeseburger clog your artery.

If I eat anything, I'll eat everything, so I eat nothing.

I'm not yet a winner. I could be thinner. So I must go throw up dinner.

A flat stomach is nice, but a concave one is perfect.

A woman can never be too blonde, too rich, or too thin!

Those bones don't mean I'm skinny, they mean there's more to lose

Ask me to show you perfect and I will show you a thin person

Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.

What the scale says is the most important thing.

Being thin and not eating are signs of true willpower and success.

Like a plant, surely the body can be trained to exist on nothing - to take it's nourishment from the air.

If you have weight to lose, lose it. It wouldn't be there if you weren't supposed to lose it.

Every time I have the opportunity to eat, I have the strength to refuse.

An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist - but ordinary's just not good enough today.

Know that the pain will pass... when it passes... you will be stronger, happier, and more aware.

Everything I want to be, I am, only buried under a layer of fat.

Ana, my friend, my companion.

My scale is never happy, neither am I.

Eat to live, don't live to eat.

Good girls don't swallow.

Just say no and keep your mouth closed.

Thou shall not eat fattening foods without punishing oneself afterwards.

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner, And take to light claret instead of pale ale; Look down with an utter contempt on butter, And never touch bread till it’s toasted - or stale.

I strive for perfection, I drive myself on that. My dream may be far off, but each kilo that falls off, I am one step closer than before. Knowing I am getting closer, gives me energy to keep going. So I do not give up.

An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person.

Food is a hinderance to your progress.

Don't eat anything today that you'll regret tomorrow.

I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborn. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easyit was.

I, the hunger artist, rarely disappoint my audience.

Happy or sad, rich or poor, it's better being thin.

If you aren't thin, you aren't attractive.

Being thin is more important that being healthy.

I believe this is the true definition of the word calories and should be written in every dictionary.

Calories are tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

[calirph]

𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐘 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

All quotes are taken from different books people recommended to me that have similar energy to the bridgerton series and book franchise. Some of these are suggestive, per usual for historical romance diction. Change names, locations and pronouns however you see fit.

Romancing the Duke by Tessa Dare

For God’s sake. Don’t do that.

This is property. Don’t you understand how rare that is for a woman? Property always belongs to our fathers, brothers, husbands, sons. We never get to own anything.

Don’t tell me you’re one of those women with radical ideas.

Of course one kiss changes things. If it's done right, a kiss changes everything.

Listen to me. When a man wakes, he wakes wanting. He wakes hard and rude and aching with need.

Yes. In you. Hard, deep, fast, and completely. Now don’t wake me at this hour again unless you’ve found the perfect retort to that.

But now it’s gone all wrong. Because you’re here in this bed. But I’m here, too. And God help me, Izzy. I don’t know how to leave.

You're not going to ruin my first kiss. I won't let you.

You're pushing me away because you're afraid.

I'm not pushing you away. I believe I just offered to marry you.

There’s no castle big enough to keep a man like me from being aware, every moment, of a woman like you.

Do you understand what I’m saying to you?

When a Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare

Madaline Eloise Gracechurch... I've come here to marry you.

What I'm saying isna romantic. It's raw, primal, and entirely crude.

There's more than one way to share pleasure.

I dinna care about the color of your frock, lass. I'm only going to take off you again.

Quickly, say something unfeeling. Mock my letters. Just do something, anything reprehensible.

Your men, my servants … they could be watching us.

I’m certain they’re watching us. That’s why we’re going to kiss.

..."What burden do you have?

The burden of duty. I led those men into battle.

There was a time when I enjoyed a great deal of female companionship.

Are you saying you were faithful to me?

I mean to make you mine, mo chridhe. Touch all of you. Taste all of you. Learn you from the inside out. Once I've held you like that, I'm not going to let go

Do you feel it? It's only the beginning, mo chridhe.

They’re merely a guard against anything accidental happening.

To Have and to Hoax by Martha Waters

...if you are going to insist on losing faith in someone the moment you see the slightest possibility that they have wronged you, you are going to have a very frustrating life.

I think I’m far too interested in too many things to excel at one single pursuit.

It seems that everything I have heard about you is true.

I am in need of some assistance and I think you are just the man to provide it.

If you’re determined to risk your wife’s reputation rather than have any sort of honest conversation with her…

I’ve never forgotten anything about you, Violet. About us.

But need I remind you that you are a marquess? At some point, you’ll have to produce an heir.

ou’re a reasonably handsome man, if one likes that sort of thing.

I want to be the man who deserves you, because you deserve everything.

I’d rather spend my days arguing with you than in calm conversation with anyone else in the world.

I only hope she can ever forgive me for taking such a damned long time to fully appreciate her.

If I should ever hear you refer to our son as your heir, I will ensure that you never see him.

I've nowhere to be this afternoon. I didn't see any reason to rush the proceedings.

The Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt

I’ve heard some people say my temper is rather . . .

I wouldn’t want to intimidate you, Mrs. Wren.

A garden always has a point.

I am not a nice woman. But despite these facts, my word is gold.

I won’t marry you.

Why not? You were eager enough to fuck me.

I knew we had an attraction. Then you left and I realized you were taking what you felt for me and giving it to another woman. A woman you didn’t even know.

Why did men think that saying something louder made it true?

When a man betrays a woman in such a way, it breaks something in her that I’m not sure can ever be repaired.

I must have an heir. Do you understand? I must marry a woman who can bear children.

I'm not a whore, I'm a courtesan. There's a difference. Whores do it for the money, courtesans do it for the art.

It's never too late to start over and find yourself.

In order to love someone fully, you must first learn to love yourself.

To Catch an Heiress by Julia Quinn

Caroline, do you value your neck?

To call that writing, madam, is an insult to quills and ink across the world.

Not that I knew who you were until last month. But now that I've got you, I'm not letting you go.

Touch me and die.

It's just that I don't think friends tie friends to the bedpost.

You became my business when you took up residence in my house.

I need you. To-night. Right now. I need you.

I just don't care that he isn't offering a reward. In fact, I'm glad I'm much happier here than I was with any of my guardians.

We are here to discuss your foolhardy behavior.

You don’t want me to be your friend.

For the last time, I cannot be  your friend. I could never be your friend. Because I want you.

That’s not the point. You are my wife. I swore to protect you.

You can’t save the entire world.

Minx by Julia Quinn

You don't always have to kiss a lot of frogs to recognize a prince when you find one.

I don't know why people persist in believing women are inferior, when it is quite clear that men are the more feeble-minded of the two.

If I wanted Belle,I would have asked her to marry me.

Believe me, Henry, when I get angry, you'll know.

If this morning wasn't enjoyable, at least it was...shall we say...interesting.

You're a terrible rake, Dunford. Belle told me.

I was mistaken to think I could ever be enough of a woman to please you, to ever think that I could learn what it means to be anyone else but me.

I chose not to follow your advice. Ned is a very nice person. Handsome, personable—a perfect escort.

I very specifically told you to stay away from Ned Blydon.

Hush up, minx. You’re a funny one, but you’re certainly more likable than unlikable.

It takes a minx to tempt a rogue.

[hug-your-face]

Insight today while washing the lettuce and thinking of my friend who doesn't want to vote.

They are an otherwise intelligent, responsible, generous person, who appears to be socially conscious. They have worked hard and long for their position in their profession. They express concern for the planet. They get twitchy if you use too many paper towels.

But they don’t want to vote for Biden for reasons, and quote "doesn't like the whole system where the parties take turns swinging things back and forth" unquote.

I have been dumbstruck at their attitude for about two months now. I've been thrashing back and forth trying to reconcile this person I love with their attitude:

If you care abt the planet enough to conserve paper towels, don’t you care enough to stop a Repub administration from raping the land?

If you don’t like how things can swing back and forth, don't you want an administration that's going to work to shore up, rather than dismantle, more lasting democratic systems of governance?

If you understand the value of the long game, why are you only satisfied with instant results from a single election rather than viewing that election as a single move in an ongoing process?

The insight came to me as I used an extra set of paper towels to dry my lettuce:

These people are not motivated by outcomes. They are motivated by how their choices make them FEEL.

Not how the outcomes of their choices will make them feel. But how the action associated with their choices makes them feel.

In terms of outcomes for the environment, saving paper towels doesn't do shit compared to pushing for restrictions on oil companies. But using half a paper towel is an instant dopamine hit: "Ahhh, I am caring for Mother Earth. I care. I am a good person. Ahh yes that's the stuff."

This model fits for voting too. We know that The Only Votes That Count Are Those Cast. We know that Dems Go Where The Votes Are Not Where The Votes Aren't. We know that voting in every election, every time, in numbers, is a very low-effort way to contribute to moving the Overton window farther left.

But in the moment, for people who are motivated by how their action associated with their choice makes them feel... the absolute best move for their dopamine supply is to abstain: "I am NOT supporting an old fart; I am NOT supporting genocide; I am Challenging The System; I am a good person. Ahh yes, that's the stuff."

At the time, when I challenged my friend on their position, they held up their hands and said "look, I'm not saying I have any answers, I'm just saying I don’t like how the system works."

They didn't like how participating in the system made them FEEL in the moment.

For those of us who think this is madness, hey, we aren't off the hook entirely. We are basing our choices and actions off of outcomes, true. But there's probably a feeling/dopamine component in there too. "I am holding my nose and voting Blue; I am doing my part to actually affect the future even if I hate some things abt my choice; I am a good person."

So maybe the difference isn't in the motivation (my feelings and self-image) but in what motivates us (my action vs the outcome of my action).

I don't have an answer to the question at this time and this post is already long enough. But I'll think on it. And I invite you to do so as well:

For these people (who seem to be a sizable part of the population), how to outweigh the choice where their action preserves their self-image, doesn't cost them dopamine for having to take a "bad" action, and maybe even gives them a happy boost for "not being part of a flawed system?"

For these people, how to help them connect more to the outcome?

Off the cuff, I can't think of any means other than cognitive-behavioral therapy. :/

EDIT: Apparently there's a term for this and it's called Emotivism -- ethics isn't abt effects but abt feelings.

[anemoiashifts]

persistence, the self concept & phrasing in reality shifting. (& manifesting).

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

i brushed on this a few posts ago & wanted to expand upon it. what you need to understand, you are not trying to convince yourself that you have shifted or have manifested something. you already have your desire. you don’t need to think about how or when your going to shift because you already have.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

“Creation is finished…all that you have & will ever be — in fact, all that mankind ever was or ever will be, exists now.”

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

when you’re trying to convince yourself, what people tend to do is look for exterior confirmations instead of looking inward. if this is you, you don’t have that sense of knowing & are depending on the 3d to validate your desires. you’re waiting until you see those sublimonal results. you’re waiting until you see your desired reality bedroom. you’re waiting until you’re offered that position you’ve been wanting. the mistake you’re making is that “waiting period”.

before i go any further, i acknowledge doubts are normal. in fact , i struggle to believe in shifting & im not saying you have to 1000% believe in your ability every second. i did a survey on people who have shifted vs people who haven’t shifted yet & it came out that there was no really no difference between the two. while this may not be everyone’s case, this information can still benefit.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ persist.

to persist means to push through something even through challenge. in this case, it’s until your desired outcome materializes. if you’re willing to be persistent in the feelings that you’ve received your manifestations, you’ve pretty much finished half the battle.

i see this sometimes on the r/subliminal subreddit. someone makes a post saying “ive been listening to ___ sub for a while & i haven’t gotten results”. then, someone asks op “how long have you been using it?” to which the original poster says “i month on and off.” subliminals work different for everyone, yes, but consistently & making sure you don’t fall out of “the wish fulfilled” mindset is so so important. that’s apart of persistence.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ self concept.

“Healthy, wealth, beauty & genius are not created; they are manifested by the arrangement of your mind — that is by the concept of yourself.”

how one views yourself does play a part. a while ago i saw someone say something along the lines of “shifting is my only escape from this life”. while i felt for that person, that mindset may be holding that person back. manifestations are able to materialize from that internal sense of knowing. all manifestation is, is the 3d mirroring your inner world — what you already know. if your constantly thinking negative, you will notice more things “wrong” with yourself, the world. your brain is only conforming what you already know as your body likes to be proven right.

if you have a higher, more positive, outlook on yourself, in turn the world will become a more positive place. an example, let’s say if you live your life smiling at everyone you see on the street. chances are you’ll get smiles back at you in return because you smiled rather then if you didn’t. the world has become a more positive place for you.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ self talk.

“I will (be) is a confession that I am not”.

this ties into mindset & self concept. you are making assumptions based on past experiences & patterns. you don’t see your dr around you, so logically, you think you haven’t shifted.

this plays on our assumptions. if you’ve been trying to shift for a long time without “success” it’s no surprise you may feel that trying to shifting is hopeless because you will not shift, based on prior experiences.

for example, 2+2=?

you probably just said “4” in your head because that’s what you’ve been taught & thus have just made an assumption.

comparing this to saying things like “i am ugly” or “i am bad at singing” you believe that to be true about yourself through experience or perspective. our experiences shape us. if we can get a hold of our outlook of our experiences we can change our perception & re-shape those memories to be a positive; to find the good that might have come out of it.

when applying this to shifting, looking at every “failed” shifting attempt as “i am one more night/day closer to my desired reality” or “another version of myself shifted & tomorrow night i am shifting tonight.”

changing your self concept & perception of past experiences, without making assumptions, begins with self talk & being aware of how we speak to ourselves everyday.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

[witchthewriter]

𝑨𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒚 𝑳𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒔!

So, I’ve decided to create indepth posts about astrology; the signs/placements, planets, and houses. I have a short overview here. Everyone has a whole birth chart, here's a free site that I use and trust (don't go on co-astrology it's full of stereotypes and misinformation.) 

First lesson: 𝐒𝐔𝐍 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐒 🌞

The sun sign is what the media and the general population know as your ‘star’ and/or zodiac sign. But it doesn’t represent you as a whole. In fact, your Sun sign is your ego, how you see yourself, self-expression, what motivates you etc. Yes, it’s your personality, but it’s your basic personality. There’s a lot more to a person, especially according to astrology.

Sun in Fire signs: bold, upfront, outgoing, loyal

Sun in Earth signs: reliable, responsible, down-to-earth, dependable

Sun in Air signs: friendly, desire to learn, witty, intellectual

Sun in Water signs: intuitive, nurturing, introverted, understanding

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝑅𝑎𝑚

March 21 - April 19

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐞

Colours: Red

Planet: Mars (Motivation & Action)

Ruling House: 1st (self, beginnings, first impressions, attitude, identity) “All Your Firsts”

Traits: ambitious, independent, impatient, assertive, impulsive. Natural confidence and an energetic pull. However, they can be quick to anger. Natural leaders.  ▪️  Always fight for their goals  ▪️  Rules the head & leads with the head ▪️  One of the most active zodiac signs; not just physically but can be mentally as well

Day: Tuesday

Tarot Card: The Emperor

Gemstone: Diamond

Flower: Thistle & Honeysuckle 

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝐵𝑢𝑙𝑙

April 20 - May 20

𝐅𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐝 𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡

Colours: Green & Pink

Planet: Venus (Desire & Relationships)

Ruling House: 2nd (money, work, income, values, routines) 

Traits: practical, grounded, dependable, devoted, uncompromising. Those with a Taurus Sun means you have a love for luxury but are also heartfelt and soothing to be around.  ▪️  Have a need to always be surrounded by love and beauty  ▪️  One of the most reliable signs of the zodiac  ▪️  Their committment is often misinterpreted as stubbornness 

Day: Friday, Monday

Tarot Card: The Hierophant

Gemstone: Emerald 

Flower: Rose, Poppy & Foxglove

𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝑇𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑠

May 21 - June 20

𝐌𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐀𝐢𝐫

Colours: Light Green & Yellow

Planet: Mercury (Intellect & Communication)

Ruling House: 3rd (the mind, communication, social activity)

Traits: Characterized by the Twins, Castor and Pollux, who the constellation is based on, Gemini’s are stereotyped as having two different sides to themselves; twofaced. This isn’t true, anyone can be two faced. What has been misconstrued is that Gemini’s have the ability to see the multifaceted aspect of all things. They’re an air sign, meaning they’re highly intellectual, witty and forward thinking. They’re one of the most social signs.  ▪️  Have a constant feeling that there isn’t enough time to experience everything ▪️  Open-mind makes them great writers, journalists and artists ▪️  Find romantic love through banter/communication rather than looks

Day: Wednesday

Tarot Card: The Lovers

Gemstone: Tiger’s Eye

Flower: Lavender, Lily of the Valley

𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝐶𝑟𝑎𝑏

June 21 - July 22

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫

Colours: Violet & White

Planet: Moon (Emotion & Security)

Ruling House: 4th (home, self-care, family, emotions, nurturing, women, mother) “The Foundation”

Traits: incredibly nurturing, caring, reliable, alluring to others - draw them in, intuitive, loving and deeply emotional. Have a lot of sympathy for others and very family orientated.  ▪️  Always the glue of a group ▪️  Have an intate need to be needed ▪️  Most likely have an odd sense of humour 

Day: Monday, Thursday

Tarot Card: The Chariot

Gemstone: Ruby & Pearl

Flower: Orchid & White Rose

𝐋𝐞𝐨 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝐿𝑖𝑜𝑛

July 23 - August 22

𝐅𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐝 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐞

Colours: Gold, Orange

Planet: Sun (Life & Identity)

Ruling House: 5th (romance, play, creativity, fertility, self-expression, drama)

Traits: As Leo is ruled by the Sun, those with a Leo Sun are quite stable, regal and lucky. Incredibly joyful, lively and outgoing. Main character energy.  ▪️  Want to make the world a better place ▪️  Confident, or are at least amazing at pretending to be confident  ▪️  Love the spotlight

Day: Sunday

Tarot Card: Strength

Gemstone: Carnelian 

Flower: Sunflower 

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝑀𝑎𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑛

August 23 - September 22

𝐌𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡

Colours: Silver & Pale Yellow

Planet: Mercury (Intellect & Communication)

Ruling House: 6th (health, habits, pets, sense of usefulness, analytical nature)

Traits: One of the most hardest working signs of the zodiac, have an observant and meticulous nature. Adaptable, analytical, pragmatic.  ▪️  Strong sense of duty toward others ▪️  Natural inclination to improve the world around them; people, places, things etc.  ▪️  Typically show their love through Acts of Service

Day: Wednesday

Tarot Card: The Hermit

Gemstone: Peridot

Flower: Marigold 

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝑆𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑒𝑠

September 23 - October 22

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐢𝐫

Colours: Blue, Green, Pink

Planet: Venus (Desire & Relationships)

Ruling House: 7th (relationships, marriage, contracts, equality, sharing, business deals)

Traits: known for their elegance, good-taste and charm. Cooperative, diplomatic, gracious, fair-minded. The most aesthetic of the zodiacs. Natural peacemakers amd great secret-keepers.  ▪️  Value harmony in all forms  ▪️  Love people and social interactions. They’re fiercely attracted to intelligence.  ▪️  Intolerance for chaos and mess

Day: Friday

Tarot Card: Justice

Gemstone: Sapphire

Flower: Rose

𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝑆𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑝𝑖𝑜𝑛

October 23 - November 21

𝐅𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫

Colours: Red, Black

Planet: Pluto (Power & Transformation), Mars (Motivation & Action)  

Ruling House: 8th (birth, death, intimacy, transformation, property & loans of other people than yourself) “The Mysteries”

Traits: passionate and assertive, they have an air of mystery about them. Resourceful, powerful, brave, and independent. Perceptive, psychological, love seeing the dark side of humans.  ▪️  Can be very secretive and keep their emotions to themselves ▪️  Known for being intense ▪️  Immense willpower

Day: Tuesday

Tarot Card: Death

Gemstone: Topaz, Opal

Flower: Hibiscus, Geraniums

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝐴𝑟𝑐𝘩𝑒𝑟

November 22 - December 21

𝐌𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐞

Colours: Light Blue & Navy Blue

Planet: Jupiter (Luck & Abundance)

Ruling House: 9th (religion, philosophy, expansion, higher mind, international and long-distance travel, publishing, broadcasting) 

Traits: restless, friendly, adventurous and curious. They’re the natural travellers of the zodiac. Mainly outgoing, they are always ready for change. Clear about their intentions and have a strong moral compass.  ▪️  Generally on the go and have an innate need to be doing something ▪️  Curious with a love to learn ▪️  Strong sense for escape

Day: Thursday

Tarot Card: Temperance

Gemstone: Topaz

Flower: Carnation

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝑆𝑒𝑎𝑔𝑜𝑎𝑡 

December 22 - January 19

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡

Colours: Brown, Black, Dark Blue

Planet: Saturn (Lessons & Limitations)

Ruling House: 10th (tradition, structures, public image, fame, goals, men, fathers, masculinity)

Traits: The responsible & upstanding citizens of the zodiac. Deal with problems through action. Disciplined, a lot of self-control, make great managers. Traditional, independent, self-motivators.  ▪️  Big ambitions but have a lot of integrity ▪️  Hard-working and patient  ▪️  Enjoy doing things the ‘old-fashioned way’

Day: Saturday

Tarot Card: The Devil

Gemstone: Garnet

Flower: Pansy

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝑊𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑟-𝐵𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑟

January 20 - Febuary 18

𝐅𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐝 𝐀𝐢𝐫

Colours: Light Blue, Silver

Planet: Uranus (Change & Rebellion), Saturn (Lessons & Limitations)

Ruling House: 11th (humanitarianism, society, social justice, harmony, rebellion, originality, eccentricity, invention)

Traits: desire for equality, socially aware, unconventional, rather dislike tradition and the old way of thinking. Imaginative, idealistic and haters of limitations. Mature, eccentric and unique.  ▪️  Don’t like labels  ▪️  Believe in change and the progression of the world ▪️  The wise, old grandparent of the zodiac

Day: Saturday

Tarot Card: The Star

Gemstone: Amethyst

Flower: Orchid

𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝐹𝑖𝑠𝘩

Febuary 19 - March 20

𝐌𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫

Colours: Sea Green & Violet

Planet: Neptune (Hope & Fantasy)

Ruling House: 12th (spirituality, the ending of things, hidden agendas, imagination, poetry, the subconscious mind) 

Traits: one of the most psychic and intune to the spiritual of the zodiac. Pisces are sensitive, creative and artistic. Great with advice, and have a “live and let live” approach to others.  ▪️  Strong gut reactions ▪️  Get along well in small groups rather than large ones ▪️  May seem quiet (and meek) but actually have a huge sense of right and wrong

Day: Thursday

Tarot Card: The Moon

Gemstone: Aquamarine / Moonstone

Flower: Water Lily