#they're a lot of fun when I actually have the brain space to devote to them

[vamptastic]

idk like when you start adhd meds it doesn't really feel like anything is happening, in my anecdotal experience.

the first time i took my dose i had like one day where i was sitting in class staring at the teacher and going Huh i can actually key in on different things really hard. and it was very weird being able to shift my focus at will and kinda... boring. like i wasn't going to drift off into whatever equation sounds cool or drawing anime characters in my notebook, i could actually focus on the lesson for a full hour. but time passed the same and i still got bored and could choose to focus on something else, the difference was just that i was CAPABLE of choosing what to focus on.

then i got used to it very very quickly and didn't really notice anything different again. most of my evaluation of if it was working or not had to come from my parents and teachers because i just couldn't tell. according to them, i stopped interrupting in class and conversation so much, didn't daydream/doodle in class as often, made less mistakes in class, and let other people talk more. and i noticed some kinda tangential things like my insomnia improved because i could stick to a nighttime routine better and my thoughts raced less if i went to bed before the meds wore off, i got more large scale art projects done because i could slow down and not rush through pieces, i did a lot more journalling and writing down all my constant barrage of thoughts instead of drowning them out or rambling at people.

but it's not, you know, a miracle drug. most of the time if i miss a dose i don't notice until halfway through the day and it's more of a mild annoyance than a debilitating problem. ive missed a couple weeks a couple times from pharmacy fuckups and maybe fallen behind on studies a little and had a harder time talking to people. but my life was mostly together before the meds and they're not really the deciding factor in whether i get things done or not. they just make my quality of life better mostly.

which is why i don't understand how people take them recreationally. it doesn't feel like anything! honestly the adjustment period of starting them made me get LESS done bc i had to get used to making an active choice to do like, stay after school in the library and do my homework every day and not just letting the urge take me during other classes or lunch or at 3am. i felt like i stopped enjoying a lot of my favorite media because i didn't have the same level of energy and brain space devoted towards them all the time. i had to start practicing my art regularly instead of drawing whenever i felt like it. everything was an active choice, instead of just riding the wave of life. how is that fun?

[phoenix-failing]

Got tagged in a few of these awhile back and I can’t sleep so may as well use them as warm ups before running into backstory building.  tagged by: @urdnotgrunt, @frenchy-and-the-sea

So first up is Caranessa, my wonderful anxious ghost because this week is my last session with her and I am so not ready to let her go.

B A S I C S

full name: Caranessa Arden Luprinez

gender: Female

sexuality: Lesbian, most likely ace as well 

pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R S

family: Her mother Susanne and father Dale, one older brother Leland. Her brothers wife Natalia and their 2 kids Jackson and Caroline aged three and about a month respectively. 

birthplace: Wing North Dakota , it has a population of about 150....

job: Field Agent and Team Lead in the Order of Concealment, Bureau of Arcane Secrecy

phobias: Sorta everything, unmediated high anxiety will do that. Not to mention loosing all the old progress she had and the medication regiment when she died, can’t exactly go to the old therapist as a ghost and anti anxiety medication does not properly metabolize in an incorporeal body.

guilty pleasures: Watching bad soap operas and memorizing infomercials to recite and act out  in full later

M O R A L S

morality alignment: Chaotic Good

sins: lust / greed / gluttony / sloth / pride / envy / wrath

virtues: chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience / justice

T H I S - O R - T H A T

Introvert / Extrovert

Organized / Disorganized

Close-minded / Open-minded

Calm / Anxious

Agreeable / Disagreeable

Cautious / Reckless

Patient / Impatient

Outspoken / Reserved

Leader / Follower

Empathetic / Unempathetic

Optimistic (Nihilism) / Pessimistic

Traditional / Modern

Hard-working / Lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: Nessa/ Information, so she can maybe calm down enough to be happy for 30 damn seconds 

ot3: (platonic) Caranessa and the Pet Squad, Parmesan her giganticly fat Pidgeon familiar who domesticated herself, or maybe she domesticated Nessa? and Infamy, the swirling black orb of chaos that killed her, but it was lonely so it’s not like she can leave it. 

brotp: ‘Matthias and Caranessa, bc sometimes mlm and wlw solidarity is beating the shit out of eldritch horrors and sometimes it’s punking your city-slicker best friend into believing a North Dakotan cow’s charging speed is based on how badly you serenade it.’ Stealing @themilokin‘s answer because it’s accurate.

notp: Arlo/ Nessa

And now for the new Tuesday bean, Sikora!

B A S I C S

full name: Sikora Thera

gender: Female

sexuality: Unsure but probs Bi because I have a type I like to play

pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R S

family: A mother Petra and father Declan who both kicked her out at 10 to ‘make room for the rest of the kids’ Her known siblings: Karo, Luca, Gizella, Katia, Andi. And almost assuredly plenty more who came before her and got kicked out just the same and more who were born after she left. 

birthplace: Some itty bitty no name town in Sivvan

job: God Chosen of the Crooked Warden, Former fast hands thief with the Nameless Estate, Full time vengeance bringer 

phobias: Horses, one broke her shoulder when she was a kid and hiding in horse stalls she’s not a fan anymore. Also the woods, not a full phobia but she’s a city girl, her skills were honed getting things from people not knowing what plants are safe to eat. 

guilty pleasures: She loves kids, the product of being the oldest of five and it’ll break through her sharp defenses the quickest if a kid is scared or in need of help.

M O R A L S

morality alignment: Chaotic Neutral

sins: lust / greed / gluttony / sloth / pride / envy / wrath

virtues: chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience / justice

T H I S - O R - T H A T

Introvert / Extrovert

Organized / Disorganized

Close-minded / Open-minded

Calm / Anxious

Agreeable / Disagreeable

Cautious / Reckless

Patient / Impatient

Outspoken / Reserved

Leader / Follower (Or she will be anyway)

Empathetic / Unempathetic (depends on who)

Optimistic / Pessimistic

Traditional / Modern

Hard-working / Lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: Her and revenge, her entire crew left her to die and she’s coming for every last one of them

ot3: ????

brotp: One day it’ll be her and Halcyon I know it... One day

notp: Koth and Sikora probs? Who knows its all pretty new dynamic wise

Plus the relationship meme Frenchy tagged me in literal ages ago..... Doing Larken/Reva which is partially guesses because it’s still fairly new but it’s the only in game ship I really have at the moment. height difference | mutual pining | first kiss | first love | wedding | in-jokes | lgbt+ | family disapproves | friend disapproves (ish) | would die for each other | fake relationship | arranged wedding | cuddlers | pda friendly | and they were room mates | holding hands | secret relationship | opposing worldviews | opposing personalities | opposing goals | getting a pet | have kids | want kids | grow old together | relationship failures (on larken’s side especially) | rests head on shoulder | share a bed | token dummies | relationship doubts | they have a song | first date | share a jacket | sharing a blanket | mutual interests | study buddies | bathing together | crash into hello | accidental nudity (Ekat has to learn to knock) | laundry | same hobbies | cooking for each other (or trying) | big fancy gala (does a wedding count?) | sibling rivalry | hair stroking | dancing | laying in the grass | watching stars together | watching the other sleep | shared values | friends to lovers | enemies to lovers | lovers to enemies | childhood friends | slow burn | love triangle | toxic relationship | sitting on each other’s laps | can’t be together | hugs | forehead touches | neck kisses | car/motorbike rides | compliments | nicknames (Lark) | falling asleep together | late night talks | gifts

[alirhi]

10 Sebastian roles as boyfriends

Because... I'm bored and I feel like it. 😂 Probably some spoilers for, like... everything? So yeah... That.

Putting it under here for easy scrolling:

10: Chase Collins

Who doesn't love a goofball? In the first half of the movie, Chase is basically perfect. He's sweet, funny, not all caught up in his ego, and actually pays attention to what the girls around him are saying, not just to what he wants to hear. If not for the whole... it was all an act to get close to Caleb and try to steal his magic thing, Chase would actually be a damn good high school boyfriend. He's adorable and would be a fun date, but he's also only 18 so best not to start making long-term plans lol. Also, y'know... the whole psycho revenge/power grab thing.

9 Jack Benjamin

Y'all. Y'all. Words cannot describe how much I love Jack. Pretty sure I've made this clear. As a person/character in general, he's absolutely in my Top 3 - not just of Sebastian's characters, but any character ever. ❤ But as a boyfriend? Boy's got baggage. It's what makes me so protective of him, but seeing as how he's trapped in the closet thanks to his overbearing homophobic family and the insane expectations heaped on him, as the show left him, he can't handle an honest relationship. He's too easily influenced by all the wrong people, poor babe.

8 Chris (Destroyer)

On paper, undercover cop sounds cool and exciting, but even if you ignore the fact that he, y'know, dies... Chris got in too deep and kinda lost the mission, so to speak. Best case scenario, you're his sexy partner and in on it all with him and end up on the lam for the rest of your lives. Worst case, this man lies for a living, so can you even trust him? And... yeah. The whole dead thing. Chris is hot af but getting involved with him is a recipe for disaster.

7 Ben

Min and Hathor have mercy, I love Ben! He's smart, he's snarky, he's caring and loyal... he's an absolute disaster. He's another one who seems allergic to honesty, until his lying and avoiding nearly kill his girlfriend. Not exactly relationship goals lol. Everything before totally was, though! Ben's adorable, and I love how he stayed up all night to protect his girlfriend (from a ghost/demon thing... with a baseball bat. I said he was smart, not perfect, okay? XD points for effort lol)

6 Mickey Henry

I. LOVE. MICKEY. Oml I love Mickey. He's a spazz and - even more so than Ben - an absolute disaster of a human being, but I love him. Pros for dating Mickey Henry: he's fun, he's carefree, he'll cook for you even though he's kinda bad at it lol, he loves his son and wants to be a good dad, he wants his partner to be happy and to love life as much as he does. Cons, and the reason he's not higher on the list: He's a pushover; easily influenced by the toxic people in his life, and it gets him into a lot of trouble. Being easily influenced by toxic dumpster fire of a human being Chloe almost lost him the partial custody of his son that he barely even had. He's an absolute sweetheart, but he's a complete man-child, and dating him would often feel more like raising him.

5 Frank "Suffer Buddy"

Come on! You know he and Mickey had to be back-to-back - they're practically the same character! 😂 Frank is Mickey... slightly more grown up. He's still a disaster, but he's respectful of boundaries, he's caring, he's funny in a dry, witty way that I just adore, and hoo lordy that man is a giver! 🥴🥵 Honestly, if he didn't smoke and didn't ditch Daphne in the middle of a party hours away from everything familiar to her surrounded by strangers to go do drugs, I'd call Frank perfect. He listened, he respected her wishes, he tried to keep some distance between them when he found out she'd gone on a date with his best friend (it failed utterly and brought us to the "damn that man's good with his mouth" portion of the movie lmao but still)... I don't have a whole lot of experience with men who actually give a shit, okay? So Frank is like a goddamn unicorn to me lmao. But that drug thing... That keeps him at the bottom of the Top 5 for me. Sorry, bb

4 Bucky

I can already hear everyone on here raging at me for placing Bucky so low on this list, but hear me out: I love this man. I love all four iterations of this man. Flirty 40s Bucky was a doll (fun date, not commitment material). Post-POW camp 40s Bucky had a fire to him that set me on fire. The Winter Soldier can choke me any damn day. Unf. And TFATWS Bucky... Oh, lady above, 2023 Bucky is a gem! He's sweet, snarky, and broken. He feels utterly, wretchedly alone in the world, and everyone around him, including his only friend, is telling him to "man up" and "make amends" for shit that was never his fault to begin with, rather than helping him come to terms with all that he's suffered and all that he's survived. Bucky needs and deserves love. A relationship with him would be so solid, if he found the right person... But it would take a fuck ton of work. He needs someone strong, patient, and more stubborn than he is to prod him until he finds a better therapist and actually opens up, and to keep him on track because even good therapy comes with homework. He does have to "do the work," Sam was right about that much, but he was way off base with what that "work" is. Bucky needs help and understanding, and he would be an amazing boyfriend... if he found someone with the strength to help him weather his nightmares and flashbacks, and help pull him out of this PTSD pit he's been in since 1943.

3 Chris Beck

Big brains turn me on, okay? 😂This man is an astronaut and a surgeon! Yes, please! Come here, you sexy genius! He's smart, he's funny - pretty sure Sebastian is incapable of playing anyone who's not delightfully snarky lol. He's pragmatic when he needs to be but there's also nothing he wouldn't do or risk for the ones he loves. This man is husband material and I cannot be convinced otherwise! So why isn't he #1? Cuz of the whole... spending years in space, thing. Super cool job and I'd be his biggest fan on the ground, but god damn, I would miss him while he's away!

2 TJ Hammond

Look, I'm gender fluid and he's a little bit bi 😂😂😂 Let me have my fantasy, okay? TJ's definitely got a lot of shit to work through, but love brings out the best in him. Before that fucking closeted shitbag broke his heart and stomped on it for good measure, TJ was clean and sober for months, he was happy, he was playing piano again, he was pulling himself together. Not only would he be an amazing boyfriend, but his partner would get the extra joy of getting to watch their love and devotion to him be the thing that saves this beautiful man's life. It's not healthy overall to tie your self worth and will to live to a relationship, but if he found the right person who would be there for him through all of life's shit and stick it out, I think he'd be okay. Even after his lowest point and without the support of his family, TJ still had a dream and he still chased it. He's not just the sweetest person to ever grace our screens, but he's ambitious and business-savvy, too. Keep him off drugs and watch this man take over the world, I'm telling you!

So why is TJ only #2? Well, besides the fact that he's like 99% gay and I have no bits he'd be interested in lmao, there's also the fact that this guy owns my heart:

1 Will Franklyn

And not just because we get to see him wet and mostly naked lol. Will is fucking perfect. I would die for this man... because he's already shown that he would die for his love. He almost fucking did, and they weren't even together yet! He's smart and very aware, he's a writer so we'd get to bond/geek out over books together, he's not all full of himself (self-deprecating humor ftw!) and he's willing to help a total stranger despite actual mortal peril, just because it's the right thing to do. Fierce, intelligent, sassy, strong-willed, and a flawless moral compass? YESYESYESYESYES! Forget boyfriend - let me MARRY this man! 😍🥰