#they're from people who want to click a button / show support / wish they had time to read but can't / etc

[softpine]

This might be juvenile, but do you have any tips on not comparing yourself to others? (Especially when it comes to note count or popularity.) I’ve been posting a story for over a year and it hardly gets any traction. It’s tough for me to see new creators post and get hundreds or even thousands of notes. I hate that I’m doing this but don’t know how to quit it!

this is not juvenile!! i struggle with this myself, especially knowing that i hit my peak years ago and i've been on the decline ever since – but only by numbers alone! i'm more proud of my story than i've ever been, i'm more attached to my characters, i'm putting more love and thought into everything, but i had to be realistic with myself and understand that i'll never pull even half the notes i did in 2020. gone are the days when i would wake up to 3 new anons about my story and dms from people every day (i can't believe i used to get overwhelmed by it...) and i would be lying if i said it didn't make me sad sometimes, because we're humans and our brains are practically wired to crave the hit of happy chemicals you get from seeing the stupid number go up 😭 it does feel demotivating. it makes me feel less urgency to post quicker if i convince myself that no one is waiting for me anyway, which means i post less, which means even less people stick around, which makes me post less, and on and on. it's a tough thing for me to come to terms with in all honesty.

but it helps to remember that i would be writing even if no one is reading. and i know that, because i have! i've written entire novel-length fics that i've never published, i've written countless short stories in the frozen pines universe that i'll never post, i've created alternate universes that will never be shown, etc. i do it because the idea is in my head and it needs to Get Out and i'm kinda just a conduit for that. that might not apply to you, and that's okay! everyone is different. the important thing is to really sit down and think about WHY you write and what you get out of it. which part of the process makes you happiest? what makes you feel a sense of fulfillment / satisfaction? play to your strengths. try not to spend your time doing things you think other people will enjoy and instead, spend more time on the things that make you happy. for me, i haaaaate editing and i always have, so lately i've been trying to speed through it a little bit quicker even if it means the final product won't be as appealing to others. (this is still a work in progress for me...) i have more fun when i experiment with different writing styles, which might not appeal to others because it takes longer and i don't really have a recognizable style, but i don't care anymore because i'm having fun! ask yourself what YOU want from your story, and then write for yourself and only yourself.

essentially what i'm saying is: there will ALWAYS be people more popular than you, and there's no guarantee that when you find the popularity you seek, you'll be able to keep it. so you need to find some sort of intrinsic motivation to continue or you'll just keep comparing yourself to others forever and you'll deny yourself the joy of creation! "comparison is the thief of joy" could not be more true!!

[gay-salt-amber]

The phone call

Here's some notices or warnings before reading!

A trans man giving birth, Seungchuchu, Trans Phichit, Haikyuu x Yuri on Ice.

Seung-gil pov-

I entered the rink, sat down my bag and took a sip out of my thermos of coffee, "Hi coach." I greeted, tired and already done with my coach for the day.

"Greetings Seung-gil, sit down we need to figure out your skating routine for the next competition."

I nodded at my coach and sat down. I sat there, listening to my coach's instructions.. Well I wasn't really listening, I couldn't bring myself to focus... Phichit, my husband, had been really sick recently. I knew that he knew why but he wouldn't tell me, while some secrets were fine, it just felt to serious to be kept a secret. But if he wants to keep that stuff to himself, then I have no wish to pry into his business.

My coach, Min-so Park, must have noticed. She gave me a light flick on the ear and raised her voice by a inch, "Pay attention." She said.

I had to restraint myself from saying something else other then sorry, "Sorry, stuff has been happening at home."

"Don't carry that onto the ice, Seung-gil."

"..Sorry.." I said, trying to sound like I was actually sorry which I wasn't.

"Alright, now how about we do this song?" She said pointing to a list of songs she had written down.

"Sure, when are we going to figure out outfits though?"

"Probably tomorrow, we need to make sure this song is good for you before we figure out costumes."

She put the list down and walked over to the music-playing setup, "Lets start practice, Seung-gil."

I nodded as I re-tied my skates and went onto the ice, ready for a tiring day of practice. I just hope Phichit is doing alright.. I'm worried, so fucking worried.

Phichit pov-

I flushed the toilet, washed the disgusting taste out of my mouth out and exited the bathroom, I took my time walking down the stairs, holding onto the handle for dear life even though my feet were fine. I still don't wanna fall. Eventually after what felt like a lifetime, I made it to the couch where I flopped and grabbed my phone. As I massaged my headache, I hit Yuuri's contact, his nickname in my phone being 'bestie' I let out a silent swear as a sting of pain came but I hit the 'call' button and sucked up the pain.

Thankfully he picked up, even though he is at practice

"Hey Phichit, did you need something?"

I let out a small fake sob, "I feel like shit.."

"Oh, is Seung-gil with you?"

"No, he wanted to stay home but his coach made him come in.."

I could tell the Japanese skater was rolling his eyes, "Have I told you how much I hate his coach?"

"Yep."

After snickering I went back to the original topic, "But I wanted to ask you what you think I've come down with. Its been a week! I have never been sick for more then 2 days and I am scared!"

Yuuri clicked his tongue, "Ok.. Tell me more, I think I have an idea.."

"Well, I have been puking a lot.."

"That happens when you're sick typically.." Now that I think about it, yeah I do puke a bunch when I rarely get sick.

"Yeah.. And you know how I hate pickles?"

"Yes?"

"I now wanna dip those in chocolate and have it for breakfast."

"Any body pain?"

"Well my stomach and hurt like a bitch and my back wants to break."

"...." Yuuri went silent.

"Uh, Yuuri? Bestie? What's wrong?"

"Don't think I'm weird for saying this alright?"

"We've been friends for like 19 years, nothing you say will make me weirded out."

"You never got a bottom surgery when you transitioned right?"

"No, I still wanted kids so I never got much done, you know, minus getting my breasts removed."

"So, I think you should go get a pregnancy test.."

My eyes went wide, "Wha?! Why?!"

"I just think that you have a lot of the symptoms that pregnant people have. I may be wrong but its better now then later, right?"

I went quiet before speaking again, "...What will Seung-gil think?"

Yuuri went out a little chuckle, "Well, if he's as good a husband as you say, he'll stay there and help you."

I chuckled along, "Yeah.. I'll talk to you later."

When I hit the end call button, I threw my phone to the other side of a coach. Upon hearing that, Seung-gil's Siberian Husky came running over and hopped on the couch to try and make me feel better by rubbing his head against my hand.

I smiled bright "Hi buddy.."

"You may be getting a human friend in a few months if Yuuri was right.." I chuckled.

This made the dogs head perk up, his tail started wagging and he went out a bork of excitement.

"I know! so exciting!" I gave him head scratches before walking to the door and grabbing my keys

I turned back to Snow, "Dads gonna go out for a bit, don't cause too much havoc while I'm gone, ok?"

After hearing another bark from the grey-white dog, I left the large apartment and started to walk down the hallway. Even when I was in the lobby and out the front door to my car, I couldn't stop opening and closing my husbands contact.. 'Save it until you actually know..' After taking a breath and by that I mean about 10 breathes, I put the keys in and drove to the store to get the test.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I unbuckled slowly and got my hat and my mask. I did everything slowly, I was just nervous.. I then thought of how lucky I would be to have a kid.. All the happy moments, seeing Seung-gil falling asleep with a baby atop his chest, and that babies adorable face.. With those ideas in my head I opened my car door and practically ran into the store.

Once I entered, I walked to the pharmacy section and after scanning the shelf like 4 times, my eyes finally landed on the pregnancy test, "Damn I must have been staring at it for like 2 minutes." I joked, I grabbed it and walked to the counter to pay, I walked back out to my car and went about 9 miles over the speed limit to get home.

Seung gil pov-

It was coming to be the middle of practice, which was when I was allowed a really quick water break before starting practice again.

"Ok Seung-gil! You can have a water break!" Coach shouted

I nodded and walked over to the bench, right when I was about to grab my water, I heard my phone ringing. When I checked the name.. It was my husband, Phichit.

"I told you to not have your phone out during practice!"

"My husbands really sick so I couldn't really NOT have it on or out." I retorted

"Just answer it."

I rolled my eyes and answered, "Hello?"

Phichit's voice on the other line was nervous, "Uh.. Hey Seung-gil.. Can you come home? Like right now?"

"Why? Are you ok?"

"We just need to talk."

"Now?" I repeated

"Yeah, sorry for interrupting your practice dear.." He sighed

"No, no! It's ok, I don't wanna be here anyway."

Phichit laughed which made my heart glow, "Alright, see you soon."

"See you soon." And with that I ended the call, grabbed my stuff and walked to the exit.

"SEUNG GIL LEE WHERE THE WORLD ARE YOU GOING?! YOU STILL HAVE PRACTICE!" My coach yelled from the rink,

My voice went back to being cold instead of sweet like when I was on the phone, "Home."

The brown haired woman started running in my direction, "Oh hell no!" But by the time she said that the door was open and I was walking to my car and quickly on the road.

--When he got home--

Once I opened the door I hear the muffled tv in the background, I kicked off my shoes at the door gave the dog some love and went to sit on the couch next to my husband.

"Welcome home.." The Thai's boy was quiet.

"So what did you wanna talk about dear? You never call me back from practice...."

"Uh.. You know how I said I was trans? How I was born a girl not a male?"

"Yes?"

Phichit stood up and walked in the direction of the bedroom, "Its best I show you, wait here.."

I nodded and waited. he came back a minute later, holding a something that looked familiar to me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Once he sat down he handed the long stick to me,

"Guess what.. You're a dad.." His voice was nervous

I looked at the pregnancy test.

Then back to him.

"I get it if you are mad if I didn't tell you sooner that this could happen but, I have always wanted to start a family with you so, please, help me parent our child."

I couldn't even speak, I just wrapped my arms tightly around Phichit, "There is no universe where I would pass up to take care of a child with you." I breathed before continuing to speak, "I love you so much. We are going to have a happy family here, ok? I will do whatever I can to support our family."

When I finally looked up at my husband, tears were streaming down his face, I panicked, "Why are you crying?! Did I say something?!"

He laughed, wiping his small tears away, "No, you're just fine. I'm just.. happy."

I gave him a kiss on the forehead, "Are you hungry? I was thinking of ordering pizza."

"Can you get me pineapple pizza..?"

I let out a snort, "Sure."

--After ordering pizza--

Once we sat down, we happily ate, I smiled as I watched Phichit devour his pizza and his cute little face have pizza sauce get dotted on the cheeks and his chin. After he chewed he started to speak

"Hey I have a question about your coach."

I put down my pizza and looked at the cute boy, "What of her?"

"Well, I think you either need to talk to her, or get a new coach."

"I mean I would love to, but why?" I asked

"She never lets you have any holidays off or anything, no special days, no calling in before hand, no calling in sick, nothing! The only way you get out of practice is just walking out. I feel like when the kid is born, that wont be an option anymore."

I nodded my head, taking a bite from my pizza, "Yeah, you're right. I wanted to find a new coach anyway, I just needed a reason."

Phichit chuckled before gasping, "Hold on! I need to go call some people!"

I rubbed my forehead, giving a small smile, "Who are you calling?"

"Y'know, Guang-Hong, Leo and Yuuri! Imma tell them they're uncles now!"

"Alright! Don't take too long!"

A few minutes later I could hear excited gasps and congratulations coming from the kitchen

---A few months later--

Phichit pov-

I was on the phone panicking, Seung-gil couldn't be here, his coach wouldn't let him leave no matter how hard he tried so I was on the phone with Yuuri.

"Stay calm till I get there! I'll get you to the hospital Phichit."

"It fucking hurts!"

"I know just hold on!"

A few minutes later of trying to talk to keep the pain away, the door swung open with Yuuri behind it, he came over, helped me up and we got into the car.

"You're going to be a dad.. Mom? What do you wanna be called anyway?" Yuuri asked

"Whatever the child prefers."

"Do you know the gender yet?"

"No we decided to wait till he's born, which I guess is soon!" I was excited but also nervous.

"..Seung-gil will find a way to get to the hospital to see you, even if he has to jump out a window or something."

I snorted, "Victor did that didn't he?"

"I mean, yeah~"

We finally made it to the hospital and after circling the parking spot a few times, we got out and walked through the entrance.

"When I come out my life's gonna be so different.."

"Mhm! But that's a good thing!" Yuuri reminded me

"Yeah."

--About 15 minutes later--

Seung gil pov-

Once I finally got away from my coach by jumping out the window of the boys locker room and was able to maneuver my ass through the rush hour traffic, I arrived at the hospital. When I entered I instantly spotted Yuuri Katsuki, my husbands best friend and ran over to him.

"How is he?!"

"Thank god you're here."

I sat down and panted, "Yeah, my coach forced me to stay at practice, I had to crawl out through a window."

"Knew it."

"Anyway, is Phichit doing ok?"

Yuuri nodded, "Yes, they have him back there now."

"Can I not go in?"

"Ok."

I started tapping my foot from nervousness I didn't notice Yuuri get up but when I did he was holding coffee in his hand, "Here. They had a coffee cart over there, I figured you would want something to drink."

I took it from his hand, "Thanks."

"So what are you hoping for?"

"Heh, Phichit was hoping for a boy and I would be dead if I said a girl." I laughed

"Do you have a name in mind?"

"Not really, we know we want to change his last name so he can live a normal life though."

"Any ideas for that?"

"We'll figure it out. Phichit is a spur of the moment person, y'know?"

"Oh I know that too well." Yuuri took a sip of his drink before speaking again

"So, you remember when I was watching your dog at my house?"

"Yes?"

"Our dogs cuddled."

My mouth went wide, "Do you have photos?!"

"Yep!"

about 4 hours later-

"Family and friends of Phichit Lee may come in now." The doctor called

I looked at Yuuri, "You go by yourself first Seung-Gil he wants to see you more then me."

I got up and walked to the room and sat on a chair next to the hospital bed,

"Say hello to your son!" Phichit said, a smile from ear to ear on his face.

"He's adorable." I said, reaching out my pointer finger, which the little boy grabbed and held onto with his tiny hands.

"Mhm."

The child blinked a bit, "He has your eyes." I pointed out

"Just as cute too." Phichit added

"Mhm."

"So, what are we thinking for names?"

"Uhh.. I was actually thinking about it in the car."

"Oh? What did you come up with?

"I was thinking of naming him Sakusa Kiyoomi."

"That sounds good."

"Do you want to hold him?"

"Sure."

I reached my hands out and Phichit handed me my son, "I'm really a father.."

"Mhm. I love you so much."

"I love you too dear," He reached out and booped Sakusa nose

"And I love you too, Sakusa."

-16 years later-

Sakusa pov-

I was texting Atsumu, my boyfriend about practice and such.

----

'Tsumu: Hey sweet, adorable love of my life ♥♥! I have a question

Omi: Please use normal pet-names

'Tsumu: Nah

Omi: 😶😑Yes, dear?

'Tsumu: When am I gonna meet your parents? 🤔

Omi: You can come over after practice, if you want.

'Tsumu: Woah! 😲 Really?!

Omi: Sure, I don't care.

'Tsumu: Wait, aren't you at practice too?

Omi: Yeah we're taking a water break

'Tsumu: Well, I'll leave you alone! Love you! See you later tonight Omi-Omi! 😍😘💗💓

Omi: See you then, 'Tsumu <3

----

When I turned off my phone I didn't realize my cousin, Kimori, was standing right over me reading my texts.

"So, hows the married life?

"CHRIST!" I yelped

I regained my composure as the rest of the team looked over, "Great, how are you and that snake boy?" I was referring to Suguru Daishou, who was the captain of the Nohebi Academy volleyball team.

Kimori let out a gasp of betrayal, "Rude!"

"Right.."

The coach called us back onto the court, I stood up and ran back to the court with my team.

--After practice--

I sat there at the train stations coffee shop and sipped on a thing of tea while working on my laptop. I wanted to finish up school work before 'Tsumu got here, after all. While I was typing away on a writing assignment, my phone buzzed, it was one of my dads, Phichit Lee. I finished typing the paragraph, I placed a period, picked up my phone and went to answer the message.

---

Pops: Hey Kiddo👋, me and your dad will be late coming home from practice. Stop by the rink ⛸⛸ if you need anything! ♥♥

Kiyoomi: Will do. Also I will be having my boyfriend over.

Pops: Oh! 😲 Me and your dad can stay out later if you need us to😁

Kiyoomi: No, he wanted to meet you and dad.

Pops: We'll try to get home early in that case!

Kiyoomi: Alright good luck with that pair skate practice

Pops: We're gonna need it 😗

--

After about 15 minutes I looked out of the store and saw that Tsumu's train was pulling in, I got in and waited closer to the train for him. Once he got out I called out for him.

"'Tsumu!" I called

When I did that he ran full speed at me and wrapped his hands around my neck, with my hands wrapping around his waist.

He started placing kisses on my cheeks, "Its been so long!"

I laughed, "Its been a week."

"Same difference!"

I gave a final smile before I grabbed the fake blondes hand and led him to my car.

"So, I'm meeting your parents today?"

I nodded, "They may be late home, but yes."

We got into the car and kept talking about what was going to happen tonight,

"I'm so nervous, y'know?"

"Heh, you don't need to be, don't worry."

I then remembered something, "Also my uncle is dropping by so you'll get to meet them."

"Oo! Cool!"

I plugged my aux cord and handed the phone to 'Tsumu, "Its your turn for music this weekend dear, please don't play The Bee Movie sound track the whole way home."

"Awh! You're lucky I love you Omi!"

He put on Shinedowns new album Amaryllis, so I was happy.

"Nice song choice."

Tsumu rested my hand on top of mine which was already resting on his thigh.

"Do you want me to stop and get coffee or something? Or do you wanna head straight to my place?"

"Meh I had coffee earlier, we can head to your place."

"Oh you haven't been to my place before have you? It's always me visiting you."

"Yeah! That just makes me more excited!"

I smiled.

"Wait.. I NEED TO ASK FOR YOUR BABY PHOTOS!"

"NO!"

We finally pulled into the garage of the apartment complex and exited the car. When we entered the lobby Atsumu spoke up, "This is a really nice looking place."

"Yeah my folks make good money so we have a good sized apartment." I explained as we walked to the elevator

I hit the '8' button and waited till the doors re-opened, we exited as an elderly couple entered and walked to the apartment as the numbers went up across the doors, 801, 802, 803, 804... Finally we reached the apartment, with the silver plaque reading 810. I twisted the key and was instantly greeted by Snow and Makkachin. Makkachin was staying here just because Victor and Yuuri were in Russia and Makkachin was getting too old to travel, y'know, being 15 and all.

Atsumu instantly got down on his knees to give Snow head scratches, "Oh my god! You have dogs! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Snow is my parents and Makkachin," I said pointing to the dogs as I mentioned them, "Is just staying here till my uncle comes to get them today."

"They're so pretty!"

"Mhm."

Me and Atsumu took off our shoes, I went to the kitchen, filled up the dogs bowls, washed my hands and then crashed on the couch.

Once Atsumu noticed my presence he laid his head on my lap "Your place is nice, Omi-Omi."

"Thanks."

"..Can I change positions so we can both be comfy?" I asked

Atsumu nodded and sat up so I could lay down, Atsumu then laid onto my chest, listening to my breathing and heart beat.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

-10 minutes later-

After we laid there and watched tv for a bit, I heard a knock on the door, "That must be my uncle." Atsumu shot up, and followed me to the door.

When I opened it, I saw my uncle, Nikiforov-Katsuki Yuuri and his husband Victor standing to his left. Once they took a step in the door Makkachin came bolting towards them

"Makkachin! My baby!" Victor called out as he lifted Makkachin into his arms.

Atsumu stood in surprise for a minute while I talked to them. Does he know that they're famous figure skaters? No, I think his twin brother Osamu and his team captain Kita are into that stuff.

"So, before you go I want you to meet someone," I started, I gestured to my boyfriend as I spoke, "This is my boyfriend, Atsumu Miya."

Yuuri smiled and shook his hand, "Its a pleasure to meet you, Atsumu."

After Victor did the same they turned to leave before Atsumu spoke up, "Wait! Can I get your autographs? My captain and brother are big figure skating fans and they would kill me if I passed this up."

Victor and Yuuri laughed and nodded, "Sure! We'd love to!"

Victor and Yuuri signed the autograph to Osamu and wrote below it, "Your brothers cool!" and the one to Kita with "The best captain ever! Kita!"

"Thank you."

"Of course! Your family now after all!"

After we said our goodbyes, Yuuri and Victor left me and my boyfriend alone again. I looked at Atsumu, grabbed his hand and we walked back over to the couch to watch tv while Snow slept on her bed near us. Atsumu kept insisting that we watch Gilmore Girls until I finally gave in and we ended up binging to season 3.

"I'm telling you! Luke is the best!"

"Aand why do you think that?"

I shrugged, "Meh Lorelai is better."

"No!"

We kept bickering like children for a few minutes before I pulled my lover in for a kiss, that managed to shut him up. But his red face was too cute to not kiss over, and over, and over again. So that's exactly what I did.

"A kiss here." I said giving a kiss on his cheek, "And a kiss for the other side," "A kiss here," "And a kiss here,"

"Omiiiiiiii~"

I laughed, stopping my kissing spree after I kissed every spot on his face, "I love you."

"I love you more, baby dearest."

I smiled, "Just call me baby or dear. Baby dearest sounds weird."

"Awh but its cute!"

Snow barked as they awoke from their nap

"See? Even snow agrees that its cute!"

I looked over at Snow with a deadpan look, "Really? I know you like my boyfriend because he gave you belly rubs, but, really?"

--When Seung-gil and Phichit got home--

I was too focused on the snoring Atsumu on my chest to hear the clicking of the front door, the removal of shoes, or the hanging of keys. It was only when I was a flash off a camera did I know that my parents saw my boyfriend laying on my lap.

My dad started rapidly typing on his phone, "Seung-gil! Get in here! This is adorable!"

The black haired Korean walked into the room, "Phichit, lets let them relax and get dinner started ok?"

"OK!" After that, Seung-gil was walking to the kitchen and Phichit speed walking to keep up.

After a few more minutes Atsumu woke up from his nap with a yawn, "Hey Omi-kun."

"Good morning dear."

I started petting his head when spoke, "Did your parents come home?"

"Mhm."

"WAIT WHAT?!"

"Shh.. I just wanted you to sleep, its fine."

"..OK."

Then I heard a gasp from the kitchen

"SEUNG-GIL! SAKUSAS BOYFRIEND IS AWAKE!"

My dads had came peaking out from the corner 2 seconds later, "Atsumu, this is my dad."

The cheerful boy sat up and shook my dads hand, "Hi, I'm Atsumu Miya."

"Im Phichit Lee."

"Hold on im gonna go get your other dad." My dad said before leaving the room to go grab his husband.

"Wait... YOU HAVE TWO DADS AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME?!"

"You never asked."

"Humph." Atsumu huffed, turning his head.

"Oh come on.. Look at me dear."

"Nu!"

"I'll let you see baby pictures of me later." I offered.

"..."

I sighed and grabbed his hand, "We'll go get fatty tuna tomorrow with Kimori and his boyfriend."

Atsumu head perked up, "Yes! I love you!"

After that, my dad came in the room with my other dad, "My name is Seung-Gil Lee." He greeted before shaking Atsumu's hand.

After that we sat down at the dinner table, with me and Atsumu on one side and my parents on the other.

"So how long have you two been together?" Phichit asked

"Since our first year of Highschool." I answered

My dads smile grew, "Wait! Are we the first ones in the family to know?!"

"Nah, Uncle Leo and Guang-Hong know."

He gasped dramatically and put a hand on his chest, "My own squad betraying me like that, so tragic~"

"Also heres a question." Atsumu started

"Yes?"

"Whos your favorite character in Gilmore Girls?"

"Luke." Seung-Gil said

This caused my dad to look at him with bewilderment, "Am I just getting betrayed tonight?! Lorelai is SO much better!"

"Nope."

After we finished eating we went to the living room and chatted.

"So what happened at practice?"

"Oh I got a story," Seung-gil started, putting his cup down.

"So you know how me and your dad are skating on the same rink as the Russian team till our rink gets redone?"

"Yes?"

"So apparently Georgi is dating that one French skater."

"Which one?"

"Jean.. Douche? Y'know that Akaashi boys dad."

That comment made Atsumu nearly spit out his drink, Phichit's dark eyes went wide, "Are you ok?!"

"Yeah, my best friends just dating Akaashi so it was just surprising that he's part French."

"Wait, I thought Oikawa was your best friend?"

"I have multiple best friends, Omi."

"Anyway, so, I heard that Kimori got a boyfriend~"

"Phichit, dear, love of my life, please don't tell me your using your sisters kids life as blackmail."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Yeah he does." I answered

"Do you have photos?!"

"Dad, I wouldn't be your child if I didn't have blackmail."

I quickly pulled up a photo and showed it to my dads,

(Here's the photo, credit to the artist)

And with that my dad started gushing over the photo, "Awh! Thats so cute!"

"Speaking of cute, do you have Sakusa's baby photos?"

"Oh you bet I do!"

For the next half an hour they looked at baby photos.

Once Atsumu got ready to leave, he asked for a final thing, "Can I get your autographs? My captain and twin brother love figure skating and you two are some of their favorites."

They nodded and signed the papers, and with that, I gave Atsumu a kiss on the cheek and he left.

.

.

.

.

"Sooo whens the wedding?"

[patchoulimademoiselle]

Guilty. (Part 1.)

Part One.

Steve Rogers (Lawyer AU) x Reader Insert. 

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: Work place romance, smoking, self destructive habits, language, adult themes. (No smut just yet lol.) 

Masterlist. 

Part One: 

Your cell phone rings, a sound that pulls a loud groan from the back of your throat, the sandwich in your hand thrown down onto your desk as you blindly dig through your purse for it, eyes sharp as you stare at the girl sitting across from you, Wanda. "It's my boss," Your tone is clipped as you look down, "Stay quiet."

You sigh, push your hair from your face as if he could see how relaxed you were moments ago, muster up a second wind of energy, and rise to your feet as you take the call. "Steve, finished so soon?"

"Cut the shit, Y/n." He's speaking over the plastic straw between his teeth, sipping on an iced coffee no doubt. "I know you're goofing off with that stupid assistant of yours."

You're lucky he isn't on speaker, and you walk quickly out of Wanda's ear shot. "Be nice! She's new, just like I was."

He hums, the sound of his dress shoes clicking against pavement and cars driving past tells you he's walking. "But you were never dull, never as dense. You wouldn't still work for me otherwise."

You, an assistant, were gifted your own assistant. The work load you take on under Rogers overwhelms the responsibility you still have at the firm, and so they decided to assign someone under you, unheard of and argued among the people above you, but Steve thought it was a good idea. All he saw was dollar signs, you moving up with your reputation and gifting him a chance to charge more for both of your services in the court room.

But Wanda was young, too young to understand the importance of the work she does here, too hung up on boys and partying to see her job as anything other than a job.

"You didn't call me to talk about this." You push open the doors to the balcony in his office, stepping outside for fresh air.

"No, I didn't. I'm done with my client, I'm sending you my location."

He doesn't give you a chance to protest, hanging up the call, a text message coming through seconds later. You groan, heeled foot tapping on the pavement as you weigh your options. You had expected to have at least another two hours free to train Wanda, but that had just been stolen from right under your nose.

You count your steps back to your desk, a nervous tick you picked up in law school, plopping back down to finish your sandwich, roasted turkey breast with all the trimming.

"Wanda," You speak over half chewed food, manners gone out the window in your rush to find an excuse to slip away. "I've been called out, something important has come up with a new client." Her eyes snap up to you from the stack of papers in front of her. "I'll be back as soon as I can, just stay by your phone and I'll let you know what's going on."

She looks nervous, never left here in your office alone before, and you feel bad, remembering how it felt to be new in such a large place. This was a building full of people with their heads in their asses, established lawyers with years of experience under their belts. She was prey among wolves, protected only by your presence, and now you were leaving her.

"Don't leave this office unless it's to use the bathroom." You say. "Don't be loud, don't speak to anyone, keep your head down and stay out of trouble."

All things you wish Steve had told you, all things you had to learn on your own. It's hard being a woman studying law, you're automatically ruled out simply for being a woman.

You offer her a gentle smile, reaching into your wallet and pulling out a twenty dollar bill. "Door Dash some food if you want, or waste it in the vending machine, just remember to take a break and hydrate yourself."

She looks doe eyed, "Thank you." She says, and you're tempted to just bring her along and shove her into the back seat of your car, tell her to stay quiet and to not repeat anything she might hear.

But Steve would throw a fit, you can see it now, a ghost of a smile coats your lips as you leave her behind, stuffing the last of your sandwich into your mouth as you scoop up your purse.

You're tired, Steve called you in early this morning to get some work done before your assistant was scheduled to come in. A new case was dropped on his desk, and you made arrangements for him to meet with his new client immediately. He took a cab, slightly annoyed that you weren't free to take him there, but there was no excuse now, not with your assistant busy at work, you could slip away for a little while to do the second part of your job, assist big shot lawyer Steve Rogers.

The address he gave you was a coffee shop, but naturally he's walked a good block away from it by now, bored and restless in the city of New York waiting around for you, and you honk your horn when you see him walking, phone pressed to his ear.

He gets in, tossing his brief case in the back seat, pressing his phone to his chest. "Find some food? I could go for a burger."

Steve is very particular about what he eats, especially all American classics. He's craving something greasy probably, a nice greasy sloppy burger with salty fries and a thick shake. You're slightly pissed that you ate already, because eating again will ruin your appetite for dinner, but you wouldn't turn down the opportunity for good food, especially if Steve is going to be paying.

He wraps up his phone call just as you swing by Five Guys, parallel parking across the street from the diner. He stares at you for a moment, eyes squinted and glaring until you pull a face at him. "What?" You ask, shifting in your seat.

"This case is being paid for by the state, our client has no money." He says, "He's suing because of wage violations."

You shrug, settling back into your seat, not understanding his tone or expression. "So? This is easy for you."

"It's against Stark Industries."

You frown, eyebrows knit. "Oh shit."

"Yeah," His chuckle is almost nervous, pushing the car door open to get out. "Shit."

You walk across the street together, and you make a show of clinging to his arm for support. He glares down at you, but let's you, baby blue's almost welcoming your touch as he helps you across the street. Then he's shrugging you off and ushering you inside the diner.

"I'll pay," He says. "But the next one is on you."

You kiss his cheek in thanks, whispering your order in his ear and then ducking off into the ladies room, running wet fingers through your hair and swiping on a new coat of smudge proof lipstick.

Your relationship with Steve Rogers is a complicated one. There's chemistry, obvious chemistry that often leaves you flustered, just like this, but he refuses to do anything about it. In fact, you've talked about it before, the backs of your thighs pressed to his desk top as he kissed you, telling you that he couldn't, wouldn't go any farther because if his career has taught him anything at all it's that you don't shit where you eat. If word got out that you two were an item, you would be torn to shreds in the court room, all credibility out of the window, and he would be forced to fire you to save his reputation.

But it's still there, lingering in the way he looks at you and talks to you. That fire is still there, and one day it was going to consume you both.

You undo a couple buttons on your shirt and untuck it from your skirt, rolling up your sleeves and letting go for a moment, the heels you wear suffocate your feet, so you slip out of them, carrying them back out into the seating area to find Steve. He's sitting in a booth next to the window, glaring sharply at you as you walk over, your food waiting for you.

"You look like a slut."

You laugh, snatching up your milkshake as you sit, sucking the thick liquid through a straw. "No, I look like I'm not stressed out for once." You nod to him him for emphasis, his forehead wrinkled. "You should try it."

He's wearing his suit jacket still, which he quickly shrugs off and places beside him. He rolls up his sleeves as well, plucking a fry from his plate as he alternates sleeves, eyes never leaving you as he copies your current state, reaching up to undo his tie and unbutton the top of his shirt.

"Better?" He sweeps a hand through his hair, reaching for his own shake, and it makes you smile.

The sun hits his face just right, lashes looking elongated against his cheeks each time he blinks, the direct sunlight revealing a hint of green hidden in his eyes.

"Much," You reach for your burger, needing to distract yourself. "Now tell me about this guy."

"Barnes." He says, clearing his throat, talking around a mouth full of chocolate shake. "James Barnes. He's owed two weeks of pay and Stark Industries is refusing to pay it, something about the prosthetic he wears being a violation of his working contract."

"That's bullshit."

"Sure, but Stark has good lawyers." He says, fingers pinching up a bunch of fries. "He'll find a loop hole."

"So what are we going to do?" You ask, juice from your burger coats your fingers, and your chin, hands too full to wipe the mess away.

Steve regards you for a moment, takes you in as the mess you are, and his touch is gentle as he reaches over with a napkin to wipe your face. "You are going to sit in your office and dig up everything you can on Stark Industries and James Barnes. I'm going to do a bit of field work, find out who his lawyers are and how dirty they're willing to play it."

You hum, mouth full. "This is good."

He rolls his eyes, dropping the napkin and going for his own food. "I can tell, you've made a mess of yourself." There's a husk to his voice that's far too suggestive, and you do all you can to ignore it.

A part of you is worried about the case. You're never seen Steve so worked up about one before. Tony Stark is known for burning lawyers to get his way, and he pays much more than the state could ever afford to pay you to take a case. But you're determined to help out as much as you can, the case is a simple one and will go in your favor on it's own, but these kinds of people don't play far, which is why it's important to figure out what tactics they will use in the court room.

You sit there for about an hour, eating until you can't, bickering and tossing an occasional fry to get your point across. All in all Steve Rogers is good company. Some people will never get to know that, his reputation precedes him, scaring away anyone who dares to get close. But you know better. You know that there's some kind of gentleness in his hard glares, you know that he cares even despite the cold tone of his voice, his eyes warm and kind even if his jaw is set in anger.

He cares about you, more than he would ever say out loud, and you're lucky to be good at reading him. You would never know otherwise.

When you get back to the firm, Wanda is where you left her, fresh Subway on the corner of your desk, and Steve grumbles as he makes his way back into his own office, which you glare at him for. She's done a majority of her work, filing, and you feel bad to add another task to her list, but you're on a case after all, and there is urgency.

"Wanda, be a dear on fax me everything we have recorded on Stark Industries." You say, dropping your bag and once again slipping out of your heels. "Check all records, I want everything, no matter how minor."

She nods, tapping the stack of papers in front of her. "What about this?"

You shrug. "It will be there. Save it for tomorrow, you can go home after you do this last thing for me."

You can see the way her eyes light up, and you smile to yourself as she gets up to do as you asked. You settle at your desk and power on your computer, waiting for her to send the information over. In the mean time you straighten up, adding to your pile of items to shred, something else you can have Wanda do tomorrow, collecting spoiled food from the mini fridge in the corner, tossing out piling up take out trash and organizing your desk.

Steve hears the commotion, pulling open the dividing doors between your offices, and pokes his head in. "Sent her home?"

"Soon." You say, "Need me for something?"

"Not really, I just don't care to babysit."

His attitude about your assistant is understandable. Steve works in a particular way, and you've since been accustomed to making things work. Wanda only slows him down. Well, at least that's how he sees it, because she slows you down, which then slows him down. But you were new once too, just as slow an annoying as he finds Wanda, and you understand how it feels to be the new girl. She's young and a bit naive, but helpful, and you won't let Steve Rogers scare her away.

"Stop being rude," You snap. "She's trying, and she hasn't made a single mistake yet." You sigh, exhaustion setting in as you pinch your eyes. "I'm going to pull an all nighter, dig up some dirt for you."

He drums his fingers on the door, pushing it open wider. "I have some dirt to dig up on my own as well. I also need to schedule a meeting with someone, I'll be here a while."

It reminds you of when you were newer, eager to please, you would sprawl out on the floor of his office with your cheap laptop and notepad, the two of you fueled up on garbage coffee and staying up all night to prep for a case. It doesn't feel that way anymore, there is no enthusiasm because there are no risks. Steve is one of the best in the country, he's never lost a case, and you've proven yourself by being at his side for so long. But this is different. You're going up against someone with power, someone loved by the people. The risk is mild, but very much there, and it has you both anxious and on the edge of your seats again.

“I'll fish out my laptop and we can work together?" You offer, unsure of what he'll say. But his subtle nod back into his office is answer enough for you, and you watch as he spins on his heels.

"Dinner is on you."

You huff, rubbing your face, mentally preparing you for the night ahead. "Of course it is."

You send Wanda home, double checking the faxes she's sent up from records, every case Stark Industries has ever had displayed before your eyes, and you tell her to come in as soon as she can tomorrow morning.

You won't be getting any sleep tonight, so you do all you can to make yourself comfortable, fishing a pair of leggings out of the trunk of your car to change into, and ordering takeout for you and Steve to eat while you work. You power up your laptop, pushing your desk through the dividing doors to line with his, working across from each other to put together some counter argument for any bullshit Stark and his people manage to come up with.

The hidden elements you find are shocking, police officers paid to go on trial and lie, lawyers who were burned for trying to go up against Stark, judges fired and discredited for being tipped off, all real cases that the media hasn't covered. Stark has his toes dipped into every industry there is, including the media, any and all press about either him or his company is filtered through his payroll. You greedily take notes, writing down names and dates, and a few details and citations to type up later into official statements.

Steve seems to be having a hard time though, his coffee cup once again empty, his fingers laced together in his hair, eyes staring blankly at the computer screen in front of him. He's trying to get dirt on Stark's lawyers, find out who is working with who, and who he can trust to get information from. But everyone has been sworn to secrecy, tipped off and paid to stay quiet. If Steve dives down the wrong path, it can trigger a chain reaction that will make it's way back to Stark, and all the work done to build a solid case against him will be for nothing.

"Steve?" Your pen taps as you wait for his eyes to meet yours. "Smoke break?"

He nods, rising far too quickly from his seat, and you follow after him, fishing a pack of cigarettes from your purse and a lighter for him.

Smoking isn't something you condone. In fact, you find it disgusting. But the nicotine rush does help you concentrate, it helps him far more than it helps you. The coffee has been enough, especially since you've had three cups of it. But after living this way for so long, after wiring your brain to work under extreme conditions, sometimes it takes the extreme to get the gears turning. For Steve, smoking is considered and extreme.

He takes it from you with a gentle thank you, fingertips brushing yours as you both step out onto the balcony. He lights a cigarette quickly, taking it between his lips, and the way he visibly relaxes scares you a bit.

You can't help it, fingers reaching to grab the collar of his shirt. The moon hits his skin just right, his eyes seeming to twinkle as he glances down at you, cigarette tucked between his fingers as he reaches up to grab your chin, pulling you into a sweet kiss.

He tastes like sugar, his lips warm as they press against your own, and your eyes flutter close at the sensation. It's scandalous, two coworkers sneaking a kiss on the balcony of the law firm they work out, concealed in darkness, but still not safe from the consequences of getting caught. It drives you further, makes you moan in his mouth as his grip adjusts to your throat, holding you in place, drawing it out of you.

Then just like that he's pulling away, forehead wresting against yours as he takes a deep breath to control himself. It's unspoken, but understood. You can't.

"Maybe we should wrap up in a few hours." You suggest, eyeing his wrist watch. "A bit of sleep will do you good."

He snorts, and you have your answer. "Leave if you want."

You both know you won't, so you share a cigarette on the balcony at three in the morning, lips tingling with the ghost feeling of his lips on yours, waiting for the sun to rise and the caffeine to leave your system so that you can refuel.

The smoke break works, Steve is lively as ever for the next couple of hours, putting together his to do list for the day, and you type up your findings for him. When the sun comes up, you go your separate ways. You go home to freshen up, and he heads out on his long trail of hunting. You text Wanda, asking when she'll be able to come in. She tells you that the metro won't be at her stop for a couple of hours, and you offer to pick her up instead. She doesn't refuse.

You shower, change clothes, style your hair, skipping out on breakfast in hopes that Wanda will want to grab something on the way.

The address she gives you is near the college campus, no doubt a dorm she shares with other people. Her hair is a little frizzy, her dress wrinkled, you notice immediately that she hadn't been prepared to come in, but you don't mention it. Instead you ask her where she wants to get breakfast, and in true college kid fashion, "Starbucks" is what she requests.

You both get muffins and coffee, and she thanks you, once again for treating her to a meal. She's starting to warm up to you, smiling more, unafraid to speak her mind. "Can I ask you something?" Her lips are wrapped around the green straw, plush and pink, and you realize how pretty she actually is, even with no effort really put into her appearance today.

"Sure." You shrug, eyes on the road ahead of you as you drive to the law firm.

"Are you and Steve dating?"

The question nearly makes you crash, you sputter for a response, cheeks flushing and breath leaving your lungs. She smiles. "It's just that the way he acts when I'm around-"

"Don't worry about him." You cut her off. "He's just old and cranky."

She smiles, but shakes her head. "I don't mind it, I've had worse. But I've noticed how protective he is over you and over his work. It seems to be the only thing he cares about."

Her words surprise you a bit, because you didn't think about it that way. You saw his mistreatment of her to be simply that, another big guy picking on a little guy. You didn't think for a second that he was just trying to protect you.

"That doesn't make it right." Is all you can say.

"I can handle myself, Y/n." She says, reminding you of a younger version on yourself. "It's the case you're taking on that you need to worry about."

For once, you see Wanda for who she really is. Not a shy timid girl who hides behind good behavior, but a law student, smart and witty, knowing when to hide behind a facade and when to actually speak her mind.

She knows something, if not about the case, then about Steve Rogers, and given the far away look in her eyes, she isn't a girl you should underestimate.

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