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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

the guy at the rock show

she/they reader x Spencer Reid

request for @boba-king-iroh ♥︎

summary: Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

warnings: fluff, mutual pining, getting together, love confessions, friends to lovers, idiots in love, PDA, secret relationships

word count: 5666

a/n: there will be a smutty part 2 eventually because I can't not do that

THE PLAYLIST THAT GOES WITH THEIR SETLIST IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN WHILE YOU READ

Read on Ao3 here!

Taking Garcia’s last name wasn’t something they had to think hard about, Penelope basically raised them; she was like a sister, a best friend and a mother, even a bit of a fairy godmother to Y/N.

They met when Y/N was 17, they were sitting at a support group for dead parents in D.C. Right beside the lovely, overly cheerful, always helpful, Penelope Garcia. At first, Y/N couldn’t stand her, wondering how a person like that could be running a group for mourning people, it made her sick.

It wasn’t until she heard Penelope’s story for the first time, knowing how similar it sounded to her own and how, actually, you can take your grief and turn it into something beautiful. After the meeting, they pulled Penelope aside and gave her a big hug and a thank you.

It was the start of a lovely friendship, one Y/N didn’t know they needed until they were smothered in all the love you could possibly imagine.

The age gap between them wasn’t too big, Penelope was 10 years older than them which meant she was always one step ahead of Y/N and full of advice. Be it fashion, boys, girls and everything in between. They bonded in a way that was unbreakable, they were each other's family.

Penelope even helped her get into med school before she eventually switched to forensic science. Taking on the FBI academy, unlike Penelope, and joining the bureau officially. Penelope was there for her every single step of the way, making her career possible. She loved her dearly and wanted Y/N to succeed more than anyone in the world.

Getting to introduce herself to people as Agent Y/N Garcia, not to be confused with technical analyst Garcia, was one of the best feelings in the world.

Not many people ever mistook them, however, for whatever Penelope was, Y/N was the exact opposite.

Y/N preferred all black everything, she didn’t enjoy partying or close contact or the in-your-face-ness of Penelope’s way of life, she loved her band and motorcycle and being alone. They were quote-unquote edgy, not just for effect, but because it was how they felt the most comfortable, it was who they were and they liked it that way.

They were possibly the best Forensic Specialist the FBI had, keeping her in DC for all the most important cases. Helping her avoid Penelope and the BAU team as much as possible. They were great people, she didn’t hate them at all, it was just a lot of energy that they didn’t have to give to 7 other people all day long.

Spencer was the only one she could tolerate. Rather, he was the one she wanted to spend the most time with, even more than Penelope. He understood Y/N in a way others didn’t.

He was also quiet, like them, he didn’t pick on them or call them mini Garcia, baby-baby girl, or infant as some of them started to call her more recently.

He called them Y/N, he talked to them about star trek whenever he was visiting Penny, and he respected their pronouns. Using both she and they interchangeably, when he spoke of them, unlike most people who only used she and her because it made more sense in their small brains.

However, she wasn’t the only one who got teased. Spencer did as well, almost more because he was around the BAU team constantly. She hated hearing them bully him, he didn’t even count it as bullying but it’s basically what it was sometimes.

They put him down, they didn’t clue him in on things, they called out his stims and didn’t let him finish his sentences, especially when it had to do with his hyper-fixations. He was the brightest light in the room and they just picked his brain till he wasn’t useful anymore, before trying to turn out the light. It made Y/N furious.

They got called Mr and misses genius when they were on a scene together, remembering the first time she ever had a case with the BAU which was also the first time she snapped at someone for being mean to Spencer.

Someone asked Spencer a serious question, to which he did his fucking job and answered. Giving as much detail as humanly possible, being the absolute genius he is and should be praised for, only to have Emily poke him in the cheek and say; “wow, he’s so life-like?”

“Well yeah, cause he’s a fucking human who deserves respect from the people who use his brain all day,” Y/N cursed under their breath from the crime scene, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Leaving the sweetest man on earth to find them later and give them a hug. Thanking them for all that they do, and appreciating what he has to offer. That’s when she realized she liked him, more than just the guy who sometimes sleeps on her couch because he’s friends with her sister.

It was difficult being surrounded by men unlike Spencer, specifically the older men in her field who didn’t understand anything outside of money, guns, and violence. The worst part of the job being the politics in the background; the hierarchy and ass-kissing all because she worked in the nation's capital.

They were sure it was probably better in a smaller facility, a local police station where no one knew her and they could finally have some peace and quiet.

But she’d miss Penelope, and Spencer too for that matter.

At first, they’d hide in their room when Penelope brought him over for movie nights or when he crashed on the couch after bringing her home drunk from the bar. In the early days, she worried that he was going to be her new boyfriend, taking all of Penelope’s free time and leaving Y/N with nothing.

But then he started coming over all the time just to hang out, sitting on the couch with nothing to say, being the third wheel while Y/N and Penelope spent time together. For the last 7 years.

Over that time they had many conversations alone, she learned that he was really smart, he was a lot younger than most of the team because he blew through high school by the time he was 13, and he was genuinely the sweetest man in the whole entire world.

One time, Penelope was running late when Spencer showed up at the door with chips and candy, ready to watch his weekly movie with his friend. Only she wasn’t going to make it home in time, and Y/N didn’t want him to have to go back to his apartment all alone.

“You can come in and watch it with me if you wanted to?” She offered, smiling softly. “What was it you picked for tonight?”

“It was Penelope’s night to choose, so you can pick instead if you want?” Spencer offered right back, walking in like he owned the place.

He was more confident now than he was in the beginning, but that was probably because he was 23 and she was 18.

Back then he’d barely look at her and sometimes he’d shake when they made eye contact or when she got drunk and hugged him goodbye after a long night with Penelope. He was like that with Penny in the early days of their friendship too, apparently, so she didn’t feel too bad about it.

He warmed up eventually, making her wait 7 years for him to do something about the growing feelings they both shared.

“You like Marvel movies right?” She bit the inside of her lip as she waited for his answer. Watching him walk around the kitchen for a bowl that he could put his snacks in.

“Yeah they’re great, I haven’t watched past the second Thor, I think the next one is another Captain America?” he’s all smiles as he joins her on the couch, closer than normal, as close as he’d sit with Penelope, but then again she was a cuddler and Y/N wasn’t.

Sometimes Y/N would come out of her room to find Spencer’s head on Penelope’s lap, resting on a pillow as she ran her fingers through his hair to soothe his perfect mind after a long day. A few times she’s walked in on him crying or even sound asleep in her arms. They had a friendship Y/N admired, they were each other's person.

They comforted each other in the exact way they needed it; Penelope giving him the physical touch he craved and he would often compliment her. He was always telling her she was the best and buying her gifts to show his appreciation, calling her the most beautiful and smartest person he knew. He knew that she needed to hear it, needed the reassurance that she was still a good person and he made her believe it.

It made Y/N love him more seeing how much he cared for her sister.

“The winter soldier is the best!” She gushed, sitting close so they could share the chips as she waited for the movie to load up.

He was very quiet when he watched movies, smiling and laughing at the right parts but typically he paid so much attention it was like he was a statue. Y/N spent more time glancing at him than the actual movie.

“Is there something on my face?” Spencer asked, nervous when he noticed her glance at him for the 100th time that night.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she panicked lightly, swallowing quickly before looking away.

“What?”

“I don’t know, I just think you’re fascinating,” she whispered because then she didn’t really say it, and it didn’t really count.

“Oh,” he smiled softly, leaving it at that and forcing his attention back on the movie.

After a while, Spencer started to get even closer. He put the bowl on the coffee table and sat back almost on top of her, reaching an arm behind the couch so that Y/N was right against his side. He had done it with Penelope before, confident in this little living room, almost forgetting it was Y/N beside him.

Y/N rested her hand on his knee, rubbing her thumb over his jeans in a soft little circle as she pretended to watch the movie. More concerned with Spencer’s breathing and the feeling of his hand inching towards their shoulder than anything else.

Then they heard keys at the front door. Pulling away from each other quickly to curl up on opposite sides of the couch and pretend they weren’t just cuddling.

“Hey, you still came!” Penelope cheered, a little drunk from whatever she was doing before.

“I’d never miss a night with the Garcia’s,” Spencer smiled at her, looking calm and collected as ever while Y/N turned bright pink.

“Oh, I love Bucky! Oh my god let me go change and I’ll come watch too!”

That was just the first time they ended up cuddling, certainly not the last.

—

It wasn’t often that Penelope was too busy to spend time with Y/N, rather the contrary. Sometimes Y/N had to beg her to leave her be at certain events. Like when their band was playing at any of the local bars and Penny started inviting everyone she knew to come and watch her sister play.

It was embarrassing, to say the least, but Y/N loved her support.

When Y/N peaked her head out to see the crowd before a show, normally Penelope was sitting in the front with a drink and at least 4 friends, cheering and chanting their name, ready to rock out to their covers.

Tonight she didn’t see Penelope at all, she knew she wouldn’t, Penelope was in London visiting Emily with Derek for the second time in the past year, leaving no one to come to the monthly show Y/N’s band put on, or so she thought.

Spencer came all by himself.

He was sitting in the front, at a table with a bowl of pretzels and a ginger ale, not interested in the drinking or the socializing, just there to support Y/N. It made her feel giddy, like a schoolchild seeing their crush at recess.

It was so nice of him that it gave her butterflies, and normally that didn’t happen. They could go on and play a show in front of ten thousand people and feel nothing, but the second Spencer Reid was there to cheer them on, they were a mess.

“What song are we doing first again?” Y/N asked Evie, their lead singer and best friend outside of work.

“Who are they?”

Y/N was taken aback, “What?”

“You’ve never been nervous, who came to see you?” Evie clarified her question.

“No one, for fuck sake, I thought we left all the profilers at home tonight?” she sighed, shaking the nerves out of their body as they jumped up and down lightly.

They paced back and forth for a few minutes to wear down the nerves but only managing to make herself sweat to death and discard the leather jacket she always wore on stage. She walked in a circle aimlessly, remembering the setlist in their mind and how the spotlights typically made it so they couldn’t see the crowd anyway so it’s not like she could fuck up by making eye contact with him.

And it’s not like it was the first time he had seen her play, Spencer comes every month with Penelope, he liked a lot of the music they covered from when he was an emo teen in university. They’ve bonded over it before sharing albums and records back and forth, but she was still scared shitless at the prospect of him caring about her enough to come alone.

Especially when he hated being in situations like this in the first place.

It was their turn to go on, the manager of the bar gathering them and telling them to go on and so Y/N started walking towards the stage door, only to be pulled back harshly by Evie’s cold hands.

“Don’t forget your sticks, god who do you wanna fuck so bad it makes you this stupid?” She placed the drumsticks in Y/N’s hands, “get it together.”

“Sorry, it’s the guy in the sweater vest, front row,” they whispered in response, putting their head down and heading to the stage before she could tease them about it.

“The Forensic Lyricists are here once again folks!” The Manager introduced them to the crown, “get ready for them to dig up some classics!” Always the same dumb joke before every show.

Opening with crushcrushcrush by Paramore, thank god she remembered, it was an easy song to play as they warmed up and pushed the nerves away. They could play it in their sleep, with their eyes closed, and so that's what they did.

Eyes closed, mouthing the words as the adrenaline of the night took over the anxiety and made them go insane, like most nights. They didn’t need drinks or drugs to feel hyped at most shows, all she needed was a smile from penny and a good luck text from Spencer.

Playing by memory until she felt more confident and then getting into it. “They taped over your mouth, Scribbled out the truth with their lies, your little spies…”

“Crush, crush, crush, crush crush two, three, four!!” Y/N sung backup for each chorus, finally getting into it.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again.”

They tried their hardest to push the images of that night on the couch with Spencer out of their mind as they sang along, trying to harmonize and cover the backup for Evie as best as she could.

“Let’s be more than this now!”

She always took the bridge, as the drummer and the most passionate one, it only made sense. Y/N always got the crowd on their feet, roaring along as they jumped to the beat.

“Rock and roll, baby, Don't you know that we're all alone now? I need something to sing about. Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? I need something to sing about! Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? Give me something to sing about!”

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, let’s be more than, noOoo!”

She had a crush on Spencer fucking Reid and one now noticed as they tried their hardest to focus on the words when all that came to mind right now was his body heat and how good he smelled and how nice it was that he came to support them.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, Let’s be more than this, more than thiiiiiis, oooooooh, mmmmmmhmmm,” she sang the ending of the song along with Evie, their harmony sounding more perfect than any performance before.

Critics always said the performance is better when you mean the words you’re singing. With that, they accepted their crush on Doctor Spencer Reid after 7 long years of knowing him. They pushed through nerves so that they could go and see him after and do something about it, now that Penelope wasn’t home to tease her for it.

Leading right into Dear Maria, Count Me In. Their bass player, Kat taking the lead for her favourite song. Being an all ‘girl’ punk band was her idea, and now they all enjoyed taking turns singing their favourite songs in front of mostly strangers, once a month.

Every single song made her think of Spencer in some way as she remembered the rest of the set, it had 5 songs in total and each one included at least one reference to something she knew about Spencer.

It was hard to not think about him while he stood at the edge of the stage with everyone and bopped his head along to the beat, a smile growing on his face as he also noticed the little references to them in the songs.

The Rock Show by Blink182 was going to hit a little too close to home as she sang the words all but to him, making eye contact with him as he moved to the best spot to see them play, much like Penelope would do every time.

She didn’t realize how much this song actually represented her life before tonight, starting to sing her song alone while Spencer watched. Deciding on the spot to dedicate it to him in the most fucking obvious way possible, taking her chances because he must have come for a reason.

“Hanging out behind the club on the weekends. Acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends, I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour, I remember that it's the first time that I saw him there!”

Spencer was smiling then, noticing the lyric change as they made eye contact, nodding along as he watched. Genuinely enjoying himself and the show, it was lovely to see. She couldn’t help but smile against the mic as she sang and played. Wondering how his face will change with the next verse she watched him from the corner of her eye.

Her bandmates turning to see her as they played their guitars, nodding in agreement at the lyric change, they knew what she was up to. It wasn’t the first time they used the stage to bring someone home with them.

“He's getting kicked out of school cause he's failing. I’m kinda nervous, cause I’m sure all his friends hate me! He’s the one, he'll always be there, I took his hand and I’ll make it I swear,

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!”

Spencer’s smile was priceless, it made them even more confident to sing all the words, wanting him with zero shame, it’s not like anyone who knew him would know about this.

“When we said we were gonna move to Vegas I remember the look your mother gave us 17 without a purpose or direction We don't owe anyone a fuckin’ explanation”

“Black and white picture of him on my wall, I waited for his call, he always kept me waiting, and if I ever got another chance I'd still ask him to dance, because he kept me waiting!”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town,”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” She had never been this passionate while playing this song in all the years they had played it together.

Her bandmates taking the lead singing, “with the guy at the rock show!”

“I’ll never forget you,” she sang in the middle of their chants, “I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget tonight, I’ll never forget tonight…”

She shot a wink at him before turning back in her seat to face the drum set the best way. The last two songs were Evie’s and Kat’s, she covered the backup vocals, making the occasional glance towards Spence as she thought of him.

Counting down the minutes till she could go see him.

Come a little closer by cage the elephant, an obvious title with lyrics that would clearly bring every memory of brushed hands against lower backs as they slipped past each other in crowded rooms, lingering as long as possible before they were gone again. Goodnight hugs when Penelope was already asleep and he could hold her a big longer and tighter, resting his head on her shoulder while she rubbed his back and breathed him in. And that night on the couch, not to mention all the mornings she walked in on him sleeping peacefully, brushing the hair out of his face, softly, in the hopes he didn’t wake up.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see, Come on, come on, come on, Things aren't always what they seem to be… Do you understand the things you been seein' Come on, come on, come on! Do you understand the things that you've been dreaming… Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!”

And even when he did she had a coffee ready for him when he sat up and smiled, giving them a few hours alone before Penelope would wake up. Talking all morning about star trek and dr. Who, smacking his knee as he made jokes that genuinely made them laugh while trying to keep her voice down so they didn’t wake Penelope.

Not many people made her feel like that in her life.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!” Staring at him, enticing him to do it the next time they had the chance.

The intro to I’d Do Anything by simple plan was one of her favourites to play, smiling wide as she began to drum as her best friends sang the words.

Waiting for the chorus to sing the words at Spencer, really sending the message, he wasn’t dumb, not in the slightest, he would get it. He had to, she had already been so obvious there was no turning back now.

“This could be the one last chance to make you understand,”

Her arms were starting to hurt as she played along with the most energy she has had in years, playing like a teenager whose parents just died and she needed to hit something, once again. It was freeing, playing with what she could only imagine was love in her chest instead of anger. It’s how she was supposed to play.

"I’d do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can’t put you in the past I’d do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won’t forget you,"

Focusing on the drumming and ignoring the lyrics as her bandmates covered the lyrics, letting her go hog fucking wild on the drum set, almost kicking the chair out from under herself as they kept going. Joining for the chorus again before beating the shit out of her drum set.

I close my eyes And all I see is you I close my eyes I try to sleep I can't forget you Na na na And I'd do anything for you Na na na Naaaaaaa

“I’d do anything!” She closed her eyes as she pushes the words past her vocal cords, again and again, passionately playing the drums as her hair flew all over the place, worried she might break the sticks as she played.

“Cause I know I won't forget yoooou!” She plays the end of the song, snapping the left drumstick in half before throwing the right one into the crowd, right into Spencer’s hand, sending him a wink before saying goodbye to the crowd.

Sweaty as hell from playing the drums, they brushed their long black hair back behind their ears and in a low ponytail so it would fit under her motorcycle helmet on the way home. Putting their leather jacket back on and heading into the main bar to find Spencer.

“Hey,” he smiled as she walked towards him, the drumstick now resting in his pocket as he approached her.

“I can’t believe you came here all by yourself?” Y/N laughed slightly before pulling him into a thank-you hug.

“I wouldn’t miss it, I’ve been coming for a year now, it’s always a great time,” his smile was perfect, his teeth were so white and straight and she wondered how they’d feel against her neck.

“It’s been that long?” She pretended that she didn’t notice, biting their lip as he ran the calculations in his mind.

He nodded with a soft, pressed-lipped smile, the Spencer classic. “Yep, it’s been exactly 14 months straight now.”

“I know you don’t like bars and loud noises and people you don’t know, or germs which makes this like a nightmare of yours I guess because of the close proximity of people and the germs being spread as everyone screams in a crowd,” she ranted before he was pulling her into another hug, “so this means a lot to me,” she finished her thought beside his ear for only him to hear.

“Anytime,” he whispered as he held her, his arm on her back and chin resting on her shoulder.

“Did you need a ride home?” She offered, thinking about how nice it would be for him to wrap his arms around their body as he sat behind her on Patsy, her motorcycle.

“Yeah, unless you wanted to go to your place and watch another movie? I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting,” he spoke just loud enough to be heard over the music.

“Yeah, I’d love that, it’s been lonely while Penny’s gone,” a smile erupting on her face as she got the reference, “come on then.”

She took his hand in hers, interlocking their fingers and dragging him backstage towards her locker. She had a space to keep her things for practice and other shows she did during the week, keeping an extra helmet and jacket in the locker for nights like this, however, normally it was a cute stranger. Not the man she’s been crushing on since she was a teenager.

“Oh, you brought Patsy,” Spencer’s face went white.

“Did you not want to ride her? Come on, everyone wants to ride her at least once,” Y/N teased him as she put the helmet in his free hand.

Her bandmates staring at her with proud smiles as she took the guy from the rock show home; the one in the sweater vest from the front, the one who was the most into the whole show, they both gave Y/N a wave and a smile as they slipped out the backstage door.

They walked out to the parking lot, still hand in hand with their helmets in the other. Stopping at her dark purple Suzuki GS650 GT, it was her most prized possession because it used to belong to her parents.

She put her hair in the right spot before putting the helmet on, sitting down and starting the engine, revving it for everyone in the lot to see as Spencer put his helmet on and threw a leg over the seat, nervous as ever.

He fit behind her perfectly, just enough room on the seat for his chest to press against her back as he placed his hands gingerly on her hips. It made her laugh.

“You’re going to want to hold on better than that pretty boy,” she teased him before revving the engine once more, kicking the kickstand up and speeding out of the parking lot.

Spencer gripped her tightly as she took off down the street, taking the longest route possible to her home. She didn’t hit a single red light for at least 5 blocks, zooming through traffic as Spencer squeezed the life out of her.

He felt amazing, his hands were so big as he fully wrapped around her, reaching around completely so his right hand was on her left hip and vice versa. He was so close she could feel his heartbeat against her back.

He was nervous, he flinched every time she turned and held on even tighter somehow.

So she did another lap of the block, around the park’s bend so she could lean the bike as far as possible as Spencer’s fingers dug into her hips fiercely. Breathing deep enough that she could hear him over the engine, but he wanted her to keep going. Not ready to let go of her yet, this is the closest they had ever been to each other.

When she finally pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex, they bumped over the curb and his hand grazed Y/N’s boob, he pulled back so fast it was barely there, she just shook her head and laughed. Parking the bike and putting the kickstand back down.

Spencer let out a sigh, relaxing against her as he rested his chin on her shoulder again.

“Have fun?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” he laughed, his voice deep and dry from breathing with his mouth open, it was cute.

He got off first when his legs were finally able to work again, still vibrating from the rev of the engine he walked like Ariel when she got her legs. It was priceless, no one has reacted like that after getting a ride from them, not even Penelope.

She took her helmet off while still on the bike, shaking her hair out of the ponytail as provocatively as possible before getting off. Spencer’s jaw fell open once more as he watched, breathlessly, just as she expected.

Either he liked them before and never told them, or he was going to start now.

Either way, it excited Y/N to their core, taking his hand once more and leading him inside, this time they could be as close as they wanted to and no one was going to walk in on it. She stopped at her locked apartment door, looking at Spencer as softly as possible so he’d know her feelings were real.

“I know this will cause the teasing we already get to skyrocket, so if you wanted to keep it between us, I fully understand,” she whispered.

“Is that what you want?”

He was so sweet it made her heartache, never before had anyone made her feel like this; like she wasn’t in control of her body or mind, like an override in the system her brain and heart chose Spencer and there was no stopping them.

“I just told a whole bar of people that I’m in love with the guy at the rock show before taking you home in front of everyone,” she laughed, “I don’t care if people know, I just hate when they tease us, they belittle everything we do like we’re 17 forever, it’s not fun for me.”

“I hate it too,” he pressed his lips together awkwardly once more, “I’d like to keep you to myself for a while.”

She cupped his face in her hands and pulled in, pressing her lips against his as they both tried to repress their tightlipped smiles. Finally, finally kissing after all those years staring at each other's lips while they explained something, passionately as ever with the most attentive ears.

“Exactly, me too,” she smiled wider as she pulled back from him, unlocking the front door and pulling him inside for that movie he mentioned.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 (dm me if you want me to remove you)

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine

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eurydeuces · 2 years

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hello, hello! i've been in a creative rut lately (narrator: she's lying, it's been at least 2 years) and on the lookout for new writing buddies! my guidelines are here, but click the read more to see what i'm specifically searching for in a partner!

if you're interested, send a message my way or like this post.

i'm an adult, looking for other adults, to play adult muses. not interested in writing younger characters atm! i will love you dearly if you'd also like to play muses over age 20 (gimme your 30/40/50-year old charas!)

no smut rps.

multi-para, literate. doesn't have to be novella, but i would love a partner that pushes me creatively.

that said, i'm only looking for low pressure rps. i don't want to be stressed by our rp lmao. hurt me with angst all you want, make me cry all day about something that happened in our rp, that's fine, but i'm not in the market for rps that demand daily replies. i require patience and offer it in return.

mumus are my current craving and i'm not really looking to play just one character. i double/triple/quadruple/etc. and expect anyone who reaches out to at least play two muses.

multiple rps with the same partner are totally fine!

only original rps for now, but i don't mind using a fandom solely for the setting + its lore and doing our own thing with it/with our own characters.

i like romance in rps and having ships, but it can't be the sole focus!

dynamics & tropes & EVERYTHING i love

click for more wanted plots!

idiots to lovers

dumb and dumber / smart alone, dumb together / 2 morons thinking they are smarter than the other

RIVALS!!!

partners in crime

(childhood) friends (to enemies) to lovers

enemies to lovers

found family

exes reconnecting

unstoppable force & immovable object

machiavellian assholes who each know the other is using them for their respective agenda but end up catching horrible feelings anyway

jerks who only have each other

single parent + (anyone)

divorcee(s) rediscovering love

10+ year reunion (high school, college, etc.)

group of friends that grew apart and reconnect many many years later

heists / characters grouping together for a common goal (probably to commit a crime)

spies!! i'm a fan of all flavors: cool, sleek, & bond-esque or smth a little sillier like spy x family

murder mystery / courtroom drama / detectives

political intrigue

coworkers + workplace drama

faceclaims

poc and/or underused fcs are my jam, but i'm flexible and willing to use almost any fc for you as long as they're not on my banned list and you're willing to do the same!

i want to play against:

jodie comer, swann arlaud, ambika mod, tessa thompson, amita suman, yamazaki kento, monica barbaro, diego luna, ji changwook, sandra hüller, kim jihoon, dev patel, lee soohyuk, and many more + (see my tags for other faces!)

i want to play:

amita suman, mandip gill, kit young, tatiana maslany, lauren ridloff, ma dongseok, phoebe waller-bridge, eva noblezada, janelle monae, mj rodriguez, andrew scott, kim jihoon, mahershala ali, manny jacinto, gong yoo, ruth negga, and many more + (see my tags for other faces!)

#1x1 rp #1x1 roleplay #discord 1x1 #literate rp #1x1 mumu #mumu roleplay #mumu rp #whew ok third's time the charm???#maybe #i hope so LMAO #fingers crossed this actually shows up in the tags #edit: nope it did not rip #i'll leave this up anyway & maybe repost later #edit: updated the fcs since i've come to find some are zionists LMAO get out of here #if there's anyone i missed who also supports the genocide pls lmk !!

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lorirwritesfanfic · 2 years

Note

Hi, Lori! I hope you're doing well these days! ☺️

Your Wip list is just so amazing and there are soooo many fics I wished to ask about, like I'm dying to know what comes next in Unfortunate Circumstances and A Promise, but also I want to actually be surprised by the actual fics when I read them... And there's Meant to Be, which is a serious I love dearly and miss and the title just caught my eyes 👀 So can you please share something about: Chapter 26: When The Bubble Bursts ?

I wish you a lovely week! 😘

Hi, Dani 😍

Sorry for taking so long to answer. I'm finally writing again after a brief creative block and fully recovering.

Since you're curious about Damid WIPs, I'll give you a brief description of others before I share a few details about MTB's next chapter:

Part 4 of Unfortunate Circumstances is set on the day after the crash. Daphne has some unexpected visitors, Hamid learns a little more about Daphne's past (relationship wise) and, of course, there's flirting and cute moments.

Part 4 of A Promise has some crucial revelations that will explain a lot of why Hamid and Daphne how they went from childhood friends to "idiots to lovers".

MTB's When The Bubble Bursts happens that same day Hamid and Daphne went out to celebrate their milestones. Both of them are happy, but they begin to wonder if everything they're living is real or if they're going to suddenly wake up alone in their respective beds, oceans apart from each other. Spoiler alert: it's real. But it's not going to last.

(Due to a few tiny n*fw-ish sentences, I'll add a cut here)

As his lips brushed against the swell of her breasts, a sudden chill traveled up her spine. Daphne cupped his face and guided him back up to gaze at him.

Hamid looked back at her in worry. "Is everything alright, aşkım?"

She nodded. "I just needed to be sure you're real."

His brows rose in surprise. "I don't know if I should feel flattered or offended by what you said."

"Hamidciğim, that's not what I meant..." She apologised, her thumbs caressing his face. "I haven't felt this happy in a long time and I needed to know you're really here because if at some point I wake up, it'll be so upsetting."

"Well, I guess I have to admit I felt the same way just a few minutes ago."

Her eyes widened. "You did?"

"The phrase I said in Turkish you didn't understand means 'am I dreaming?'"

"Did you really think you were dreaming?"

"I did. At the very least, I thought I had reached that state of consciousness where it's unclear if I'm awake or asleep."

"Aw..."

Closing the distance between them, the couple shared gentle yet small kisses.

Pressing his forehead against hers, he whispered. "Why is it so hard for us to believe we deserve to be as happy as we are now?"

"Because reality sucks most of the time."

He chuckled softly. "It is easier to feel happy when it's just us here, without any interferance of the outside world."

"As if we live in a bubble of love?"

"Mmhmm..." He lied down with his head on her chest, smiling at the feeling of her fingers running through his hair. "It's such a shame we can't pay bills as we make love. We're so good at it."

She giggled.

"Perhaps we should never leave this flat."

"I don't know... Wouldn't you get bored of me eventually?"

"Never." He looked up at her with conviction gleaming in his eyes. "This bed is the only place we're fully committed to agree and compromise with each other. The minute one of us step out of it, we're going to find something to argue about."

"True... We still haven't discussed the obscene amount of money you spent on chandeliers for the bathrooms."

"It wasn't that expensive. You're just annoyed I forgot to include towel warmers in my last purchase, even though you already know my opinion about them," he taunted.

"İstanbul is cold! Towel warmers are indispensable!" She scowled.

"See? We didn't even have to leave the bed."

Daphne shook her head grinning. After a brief silence, she sighed. "It would be nice if our disagreements were only about home decor."

"Indeed it would."

Thank you so much for the ask, my dear!

#lori answers #missameliep #wip ask game #hamid x mc #hamid x daphne

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btssunnyboy · 5 years

Text

Happy Holidays- BTS

Happy Holidays consists of too many gifts and a gift sweeter then a gingerbread house.

Word Count - 3,571

Warning - lots of fluff, worried about significant others,. A gingerbread house mishap. Can you guess who caused it?

ALSO PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK IT IS REALLY APPRECIATED!

Masterlist

———————————————————————

The weather outside was definitely frightful. The blizzard was building in strength and it was making your body build up with worries. The boys had left almost two hours ago to get some last minute supplies. No matter how hard you begged and pleaded they promised they'd be more then careful and be back within the snap of a finger. Two hours ago and your lovers had yet to walk through that big wooden door.

You could feel your nails growing thin from the numerous amounts of times you've slightly bitten them. The blanket around your shoulders was providing little warmth as you stayed glued to the window sill. Just hoping and praying that the familiar black Cadillacs would pull into the driveway. You could feel the slight tears swelling up in your glossy eyes. Terrible thoughts clouded your already messy mind, just adding to the stress. Images of car wrecks and the boys heavily injured made your stomach drop.

You just wanted your boys home and you'd do anything to see them walk through that door. The time flashing on the clock was just slightly away from striking midnight. Your chest was getting tighter as the minutes passed. Even though you eyes were growing heavy, you never left that small sill. You needed to stay because you hoped they'd be home soon.

Just as your weak eyes were about to finally close for the night, blinding headlights shot through the foggy glass of the window. With a mind still in a sleepy haze the source of the lights never registered in your head until loud knocks banged against the wood. Hastily throwing the purple blanket against the floor, you ignored the sting of the cold tiles against your feet. You yanked the door open and was greeted with the sight of three red nose and puffy eyed men. Without thinking you raced through the snow and towards the trunk of the cars. A tight grip around your waist pulled you back as quickly as you stepped one foot in the snow.

"Baby, stay inside you'll get sick." Jimin spoke as he teeth chartered wildly in his mouth. His lips practically shaking as he wobbled into the house. "They're fine, just getting some bags."

You gripped tightly at the yellow bags in his hands and set them down in the kitchen floor. A small gasps left your lips the moment I've cold hands sneaked underneath your shirt.

"You're gonna freeze the poor girl!" Jin chattered as well as he blew hot air into his hands. His red nose running almost wildly as he made his way towards the fire place.

You gripped Jimin tightly as you buried your face in his shoulders. You wiped underneath your eyes as you pulled away. "I thought something horrible happened I was so worried. Now go get those snow covered clothes off and put something warm on."

He nodded his head as he passed the simple message on. The moment all the boys made their way up the stairs to their rooms you started pulling out the containment's in the bags. Wrapped a little sloppy, but nonetheless wrapped gifts stored within the bags. A small smile graced your face when a few gingerbread house kits were spotted as well.

"Those idiots risked their lives for a gingerbread house." You smiled as your fingers traced over the gumdrops decoration on the box.

"You wanted it so we went and got it!" Hoseok sniffed as he wrapped his arms around you. His icy body finding comfort in your soothing warm presences. "Yoongi was up for the idea, in fact he even suggested it."

"What about all the wrapped gifts?" You questioned while trying to fix the boys the hot chocolate. Turning the stove down to let the milk simmer.

"We...um about that, we knew you didn't want a lot of things, but we all found so many pretty things that would look absolutely amazing on you!" Hoseok rambled as he quickly dismissed himself to find the cups. An uneasy smile came over his face as he watched you. Not a single sound coming from you.

"You guys buy me enough stuff as it is, I couldn't get you all a lot this year." You sighed, and down casted your eyes. Guilt coated your body like a blanket, they spoiled you with anything and everything. You wanted new shoes, done, new clothes, done. You on the other hand worked at a small department store and it didn't pay very much. Hence the reason you could only afford two gifts for each of them.

"Princess, none of us care if you got us anything or not, all we ever want is you. Holiday or not you're always our present." An embodied voice called from the other room. Before you knew it a hand was spinning you around to face them. A gentle kiss was soon given to your waiting lips as well. It was almost deepen if a cleared throat didn't catch Namjoon's attention.

"Me and Joon got the cups go get settled in with the others. We'll try not to drop them." Hoseok nudged his head towards the living room where the rest of boys were longing to have you back in their arms. "And I'll make Jungkook put the presents under the tree."

"Already on it." Jungkook softly smiled as he placed a chaste kiss to your temple before grabbing the multiple bags. Who new the boy was strong enough to carry so many. You laughed lightly at the thought of him taking on so much exercise just to show off with some shopping bags. "Go and sit down the Christmas movies are already playing."

You gave a quick nod before making your way towards the four boys scattered about in the living room. "Who decided to go out and do some last minute shopping."

Everyone's eyes widen as they were sudden more interested in the movie then your harsh glare. No one spoke up as they forcefully laughed as the character slid through the snow on the tv. You tapped your foot impatiently as the room grew stiff with uneasiness. They said this was a last minute food run and return with hundreds of dollars worth of gifts apparently all of you. "You guys know I how I feel about this."

"We know baby, but -" Jimin tried to explain before you cut him off.

"I know you guys care, but I saw the tags! You went to a freaking Gucci store this late for a gift!" You rambled, upset simply by a Christmas gift. No ill intentions were thought when they got the gifts, they just wanted to see that gorgeous smile on your face. And they thought in order to see that smile on Christmas Day they'd get you something you wanted so dearly.

"We didn't mean to make at us." Taehyung said, his eyes clouded over in what looked like sadness. He fiddled with his fingers as he scooted further away from you on the couch. His movements stopped midway when your hand clasped over his big ones. "Baby...I."

The moment his voice crack you threw yourself in his arms. Taehyung was always a bit more sensitive when it came to you. He done everything in his power — they all did — to make you the happiest women alive. The thought of you being mad at him broke him entirely. "I just thought a smile matching gift would make you happy."

"Honey I'd be happy with a homemade card if it was from you. I don't need expensive things all I need is my precious is my boys. I cannot stress that enough." You mumbled into his neck as he held you tighter. His lips ghosting over the smooth skin in an attempted to keep him calm. "I love you."

He only wrapped his arm tighter around you as he pulled your body up to straddle his waist. The fact that this was a normal position no one batted an eye as they watched, neither did Hoseok or Namjoon when they finally entered with the warm drinks.

"So are you still mad at us?" Yoongi spoke as he reached for your hand. You rolled your eyes playfully as you let he intertwines them together. "Take that as a no."

"Of course I'm not mad, I melt the moment any of you put your hands on me. I just ask that next year you don't go so over board." You suggested as you pulled yourself off of Taehyung and settled between him and Yoongi.

"We make no promises, Love." Jin smiled as he happily slipped on his beverage. "Can't wait for tomorrow!"

"I noticed the gingerbread houses." You smiled as you tried to change the atmosphere.

"We'll work on those later today, but for now let's just watch our movie." Yoongi smiled as he rubbed his hands up and down your arms. "I love you so much, Y/n."

"I love you so much." You smiled as you pulled his head towards you. A seemingly sweet kiss soon turned heated the moment his hand slipped to your neck.

"Get a room."

"Don't mind if we do."

»»————-　✼　————-««

You didn't remember falling asleep or how you wound up in the soft confinement of your bed. With a heavy arm, more like arms, draped across your body. The heat radiating from their body with enough to almost smother you. You gave Yoongi and Jimin small pecks on their forehead before maneuvering underneath their iron grips. It was a miracle they didn't pin you down in their sleep, it's happened multiple times before.

"Geez Louise, look at the bottom of the tree." You gapped as you looked onward to see the stack of gifts practically multiple from last night. There were so many that the small space underneath the tree was so full the rest of the gifts were piled in stacks beside the tree. Stacks meaning definitely more then more.

"Come on, we're making the gingerbread houses!" Hoseok enthused when he spotted your figure at the doorway of the kitchen. His hands grasped your and pulled you swiftly towards the kitchen. "Not so fast."

"I didn't even do-" The sentence was cut short as soft lips were hastily placed against yours. You didn't protest as you wrapped your arms around his neck. His hands rubbed small circles against your clothed hips as he brought you closer. If that was even humanly possible. Sadly, you had to pull away due to the lack of oxygen. Before you could even asked Hoseok pointed a finger upwards. A small little treat was hung right in the doorway.

That little treat was something the boys loved to place around the house, in every place they possibly could. It was a tradition, they'd like to say. While you believed it was an excuse to kiss you every

Mistletoe.

Before you could even step another foot a soft hand cupped your face. Those familiar dark brown eyes that always held a mischievous glint, were staring lovely at you. "I'm next." Compared to Hoseok, Jungkook's kiss was more slow instead of a rush. A nice change, but you loved the feeling of both their kisses either way. Besides they both always left you with a longing feel for more. It was an effect all of them has over you.

"Okay time to see if we understand what we're doing!" You smiled giddily as you dragged him closer. The next hour consisted of many mishaps with icing which resulted in your hair having more then just frosted tips. "Yay! We're done!"

For once the three of you made something decent instead of a horrendous mess. A simple gingerbread house decorated with many pink and purple gumdrops, as well as the occasional candy cane. Most importantly the little iced gingerbread men. You all would've had more if a little brat would've kept his hands out of the treat bag.

"I love how this is what I wake up to." Jin said, sleep still evident in his scratchy voice. His eyes still drooping as he walked towards the fridge. Not before giving a peck to each of you. "By the way Namjoon is about to come in here, I'd clean up that icing if I were you."

"I'll go get the cleaning supplies." You stated as you rushed towards the bathroom. You quickly searched through the bottles underneath the sink and hastily grabbed your towel. You loved Namjoon, but the boy was practically a walking disaster. Having that icing on the floor would only add to the chaos that he could cause. "Oh come on!"

"I swear it was an accident!"

You softly sighed to yourself. The gumdrops were scattered about, the small little splotch of icing on the floor was accompanied by a lot more then the white icing that glued the pieces together. The gingerbread men as well as the entire house was in shambles on the floor. A whole hour and a half of work down the drain. Good thing they bought more then one kit.

"I told you to clean it up." Jin protested as he got his water and bolted out of the kitchen. He saw his chance to avoid this mess and he knew better not ignore his chance of escaping.

"Get the other one?"

"Get the other one. And make sure he stays out of the kitchen!"

»»————-　✼　————-««

"I'm still so sorry about the house." Namjoon glumly said. A sad smile plaguing his soft features. The expression alone made your heart strings pull with guilt. You know he didn't mean it and you should've been nice when you asked him to leave.

"Honey it's fine. I know you didn't do it on purpose, besides we still had at least three more kits!" You tried to cheer him up and so far it didn't seem like it was working. You laid him across your lap as your small fingers made laps through his silky hair. The contentment in his smile made it clear is enjoying this. "I'm sorry I got upset."

"I'm not that little egg killed our gingerbread men!" Jungkook stated with a scoff as he stared at the two of you. A small glare delivered by you seemed to do the job of shutting him up really quickly.

"Enough with the tension who's ready to open a gift!" Taehyung suggested as he slid his way over to the bottom of the tree. His eyes gleaming with joy when he noticed one with his name on it. With a second he grabbed random names and passed them all out. A small smile of happiness grazed everyone’s face.

“Tae, are you sure something like this is for me?” Namjoon questioned as he raised his eyes a him. At the same moment Taehyung’s eyes widen comically as he took another quick peek at the back of the tree.

“I’m sure it’s for you, Hyung.” Taehyung breathed a sigh of relief. The action making you slightly suspicious and worried. You should’ve know Namjoon wouldn’t like such a small gifts. “Well what are you waiting for open them!”

Everyone tore into the gifts without hesitation and awed at each and every single one.

“My knight and shining armor?” Namjoon laughed as he read the incrusted words on the inside of the ring. It didn’t seem like a laugh of amusement, but a laugh of mere happiness. “Princess?”

“I just thought it would be a cute gift, since your only nickname for me is princess. I’m sorry I should’ve gotten you something more flashy you probably think it’s stupid.” You stifled a heartbreaking sigh as you looked down at him in your lap. His familiar touch was felt on your face as he cupped your cheek.

“This is the most sweetest gift I have ever received. I love it.”

“You’re not just saying that so my feelings don’t get hurt are you?” You accused while smiling softly at him. He smiled that heart melting smile and suddenly you were putty in his hands.

“I can now have a piece of you whenever we’re gone.” He spoke in mellow voice sounding like heaven in your ears.

“I hope mines from you, but we all know what I really want.” Jungkook beamed as he ripped out the package. His eyebrows creased in confusion as he stared at the small, empty brown box.

“You’ll get yours after the storm settles down.” You smiled. The bunny smile he was so lucky to have shines brightly. “But no huge ones.”

“Wait you’re actually getting the tattoos with me!” Jungkook bellowed as he races towards you. His hands cupping your face as he planted multiple kisses across your forehead, cheeks, nose and finally your mouth. His teeth grazing yours slightly due to the speed at which he delivered those chaste kisses. “I thought you hated needles! Please don’t do this if you’re only doing it to make me happy.”

“Kookie, I’m doing because I want to and getting cute matching ones with you would make it even better.” You said, trying to calm his worries. “I love you, bunny.”

“I love you, baby. Now open your gift.”

Namjoon raised straight up as the other began to form a small crowd around you. A small laugh of amusement echoed sounded like music to their ears when it passed your lips.

“Diamond earrings, wow they’re gorgeous.” You stated amazed at the sight of the lights sparkling off of the surface. The small glimmer making flecks reflect on your eye. The sight alone made all of them fall deeper in love with you. You were stunning in every aspect according to them. “Who bought these.”

“I did, also comes with something that matches.” Yoongi raised his hand slightly. His gummy smile becoming wider when you placed a kiss to his cheek. The boy with a sucker for all those sweet kisses you gave him. “I hope you like them.”

“I adore them, Yoongi, now where’s the matching item.” You tried to get up only for a hand to push you back down. Many protests were sounded through the room. “Humph, why can’t I have the matching item guys!”

“Our tradition is one present before Christmas that is your one present.” Hoseok stated. “Remember you’re the one who made the rule.”

“Well I didn’t think anyone would actually follow it.” You huffed as you crossed your arms and flung yourself back on the couch.

“You always got onto us if we even looked at another gift!” Taehyung added as he rubbed small circles on your thigh. His nails giving your skin a pleasurable scratch. “Besides only a few more hours until Christmas is here!”

“We can pass the time by watching those movies finally.”

»»————-　✼　————-««

They all stared at your sleeping form with peaceful smiles across their faces.

“Should we wake her up?” Jimin asked as he ran his hands through your hair. “After we go over the plan.”

“We leave the present for last and tell her it’s from all of us.” Jin stated as he took the familiar red, velvet box and hid it in the back of the tree. They really hoped this question didn’t take you off guard, and made you say no. That small word would absolutely send all their worlds crashing down in despair.

“Princess, wake up its Christmas!”

“It’s about damn time.”

You rubbed the cold from your eyes as you pulled yourself up. Eyes almost immediately darting towards the present filled floor. They gave a knowing smile as you quickly got in front of the lit up tree. Hands just grabbing away at random presents.

“I still can’t imagine how much money you all must’ve spent on these.” You softly spoke as you pulled the paper from one of the gift bags.

“For you, we’d spent a lot more then this.” Jungkook stated without hesitation as he pulled you between his legs. You softly leaned into his touch out of habit. “You still have one more gift to open.”

“I don’t see anymore.” You strained your neck to look over the couch and noticed nothing. The sight before you when you turned your head back around made your heart drop.

“Remember how I said the earrings had a matching item, well it matches, but it had a different purpose.” Yoongi cleared his throat as they got down on the floor. You couldn’t help the tears that were starting to gather in your eyes.

“Listen I know the seven of us are a handful, you have ever right to say no. But y/n we’ve all come to the conclusion that you mean the entire world to us and we want you as something more then a girlfriend. We want to establish the fact we’re a family. Would you complete our family and become our wife.”

The sob in your throat escaped before you could retain it. You launched yourself forward into Yoongi’s arms and he wrapped you up without a second thought.

“Oh god, I hope that’s a good sob.” Jin panicked, when it suddenly got loud. Everyone took a cautious step towards you. They were worried you hated them now, they were worried you were gonna pull away from Yoongi and declare those whole thing to be madness in the making.

“Nothing would make me happier, yes absolutely.”

“We love you.”

“I love you all with everything in me and nothing is going to change that.”

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arisefairsun · 7 years

Note

ok I seriously love romeo. when I read this in freshman year everyone hated him bc he was so sensitive and emotional but that was what I loved about him. even though I'm a girl I relate to him so much bc of that and he thinks with his heart far more than he does with his brain. I love how he is so different from the other boys in verona bc he doesn't want to fight, and I love his contrast w juliet. it's like they're fire and water or the sun and the moon like I just love his character so much

THANK YOU. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one in the world who loves Romeo’s personality. Let me just ramble about him because I absolutely love this boy.

He lives in such a dark, abusive, coercive society, doesn’t he? A society that does not allow its citizens to achieve freedom—a society that despotically forces the men into violence, war, bravado, machismo, and this empty, meaningless concept of a dehumanized man that should have no feelings, no fears, because otherwise he is unmanly and shameful. It is a society that does not accept those men that do not behave as such. Look at the deification of machismo in the opening dialogue between Sampson and Gregory. Look at Mercutio’s constant mocking of Romeo for choosing to be a lover and a poet rather than a fighter:

Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with awhite wench’s black eye; shot through the ear with a love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow-boy’s butt-shaft: and is he a man to encounter Tybalt?

Look at the way the Nurse urges him to ‘man up’: ‘Stand up, stand up; stand, an you be a man’. Even Friar Lawrence shows his contempt for his unmanly attitude:

Art thou a man? thy form cries out thou art.Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denoteThe unreasonable fury of a beast.Unseemly woman in a seeming man!O ill-beseeming beast in seeming both!

Romeo, as Montague’s heir, is expected to perpetuate these senseless masculine ideals. Benvolio is certain that Romeo will fight Tybalt (‘Romeo will answer it’), and so does Mercutio (‘Marry, go before to field, he’ll be your follower’). He does not, cannot comprehend why Romeo didn’t accept Tybalt’s challenge, why he stated that he loved the Capuet surname ‘as dearly as mine own’, why he literally said he loved Tybalt (‘O calm, dishonorable, vile submission’). To Mercutio, Romeo is only truly Romeo when he is jesting in his male circle: ‘Is not this better now than groaning for love? Now art thou sociable; now art thou Romeo. Now art thou what thou art by art as well as by nature’. (Little does he know that the reason Romeo is in such a good mood in this scene is that he spent the previous night talking to Capulet’s daughter about the insignificance of names and social labels.)

This is brutal. This is terrible. This is the abusive impact that patriarchy and toxic masculinity and social oppression have on a boy who just wants to go on talking about blushing pilgrims and love’s light wings. Unlike the other boys in Verona, Romeo does not care about his social identity. He simply chooses to ignore it. Think of his reaction to the fight in the first scene: ‘O me! What fray was here? / Yet tell me not, for I’ve heard it all.’ There is weariness in his words. He is tired of the feud. He immediately starts rambling about love instead: ‘Here’s much to do with hate, but more with love. / Why then, O brawling love, O loving hate…’ But it’s not as simple; he just cannot forget about it so easily. In act III, his identity as Montague’s heir brings him so much anxiety and distress that he attempts to take his own life, hoping that this will allow him to extirpate his own name from himself:

O, tell me, friar, tell me,In what vile part of this anatomyDoth my name lodge? tell me, that I may sackThe hateful mansion.Drawing his sword.

These lines are heartbreaking. He is so tired. He is ‘world-wearied flesh’. I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss his emotions and say that he’s just an idiot going through an emo phase. No. Romeo is desperate. Romeo needs affection to survive, and I don’t think that’s a joke if we take into account the brutality of his society. He needs to believe that there is something that’s more powerful than hate in life.

For instance, I can never get enough of the juxtaposition in the first scene. The chaos of the fight, the phallic violence, the toxic pride of Sampson and Gregory—all of this contrasts beautifully with Romeo’s first entrance. From the moment Lady Montague asks, ‘O where is Romeo?’, the characters shift toward a more lyrical, dreamlike speech. They mention Aurora’s bed, the worshipped sun, an artificial night, etc. The force of poetry accompanies Romeo’s character even before he comes on the stage. The language of the scene invites us to conceive Romeo as a different boy, one that isolates himself, one that cries under sycamores, ‘with tears augmenting the fresh morning dew, / Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs’, while the other men shed blood over a thumb-biting gesture. Romeo is lyrical, he is poetry itself, an ardent defensor of the power of dreaming. And yet, in the first act, his poetry is poor and his understanding of love limited, stereotyped, void. It’s artificial and forced. As Friar Lawrence remarks, ‘thy love did read by rote, that could not spell’. Romeo’s 'love’ for Rosaline exposes again the banality of his society.

It’s not until he meets Juliet that he transcends the limited customs of his society and begins to explore his real self. With Juliet he finds a new kind of love, one that’s personal, real, daring, full of meaning. During his first conversation with Juliet, they both triumph at composing a perfect Shakespearean sonnet together. The poetry is finally mutual, real, alive. From that moment on, though, they will generally speak in blank verse together; Romeo finds a new voice, a different sort of dream, in Juliet’s company. He changes his nonsense, excessively elaborated speech for a much more honest, spontaneous language. He can do so much better than his society—he can be a far better poet than he thinks. Juliet, who shows a greater command of her language, demonstrates this to him.

Something I love about him is that even if he is the romantic lead of the story, he is far from being the perfect prince: he is a helpless, scared child. Juliet is certainly more determined than him, far more careful and resourceful. When she is threatened by her father to marry a man she dislikes, she immediately asks the Nurse for help (‘O Nurse! How shall this be prevented?’). When the Nurse betrays her, she immediately turns to the friar (‘I’ll to the friar to know his remedy’). After Romeo’s banishment, on the contrary, he just lies on the floor 'with his own tears made drunk’, refuses to listen to the friar’s advices, and even attempts to kill himself. But I don’t think we should despise Romeo for this; Romeo needs help and protection and that is not a joke. Romeo goes through a lot of anxiety because he is forced to become someone he doesn’t want to be and that’s just not his fault.

Even if both of them are very protective of each other, it is Juliet who most mentions her need to protect 'my Romeo’. Despite all her fears, this is what finally makes her drink the friar’s potion:

O look! Methinks I see my cousin’s ghost,Seeking out Romeo that did spit his bodyUpon a rapier’s point: Stay, Tybalt, stay!Romeo, I come. This do I drink to thee.

Juliet fears that Tybalt, one of the major exponents of toxic masculinity in the play, will destroy her Romeo if she doesn’t defend him. It is as if there were two Romeos: his imposed identity as Romeo Montague, based on honor and violence; and then the identity he chose himself as her Romeo, based on love and tenderness. He attempts to break the patriarchal norms by rejecting his household in the balcony scene ('Had I [my name] written, I would tear the word’); however, he doesn’t ask the same from her. Ultimately, his death in Capulet’s vault destroys his obedience to the feud (and he uses poison, often attributed to women and weakness, as opposed to Juliet’s dagger).

Juliet revitalizes him in every possible way. She introduces him to a brighter, kinder world. Picking up again the saint/pilgrim motif, he asks her to 'call me but love and I’ll be new baptized’. He finally finds someone who doesn’t believe in the coercive customs of their society—someone who fearlessly states that he would still be as valuable even if he were not a Montague. While their households continue to fight over the importance of names and honor, Juliet is so skeptical that she even wonders, 'What’s Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, / Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part / Belonging to a man.’ She’ll fight anyone over her Romeo. She is ready to do anything in order to take care of him (more on this here). And Romeo himself rejoices in her protectiveness. He knows she’s stronger than all the swords in Verona ('Look thou but sweet and I am proof against their enemy’). To him, she is a light forcing her way through the physical restrictions of their world, freely expanding her light across the whole sky and shaming 'those stars / As daylight doth a lamp’. She is his sun. There is so much life in her that he believes she could revive him with her kisses as if he were a Disney princess (‘… And breathed such life with kisses in my lips / That I revived and was an emperor’). He is in love with her mind, with her light, and not only with her body (FIGHT ME): 'How is’t, my soul? Let’s talk, it is not day.’

In short, Juliet builds a new identity for him, one that’s free from Verona’s rules and the feud, one that’s tender and blissful and full of light, as they always say. This brings him hope—Juliet’s brave, restless energy turns his dreams into reality. Look at his intrepid words:

With love’s light wings did I o'er-perch these walls,For stony limits cannot hold love out, And what love can do, that dares love attempt.Therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me.

Love is his strength. Romeo’s courage is of a different kind than that of the other men. It is not based on violence and rage—he dislikes those. Romeo’s bravery lies in his tears, his softness, his emotions, his dreams. His inability to live without Juliet denotes his inability to live without freedom, subjugated to the toxicity of the feud and masculinity. In the balcony scene he tells Juliet 'I would I were thy bird’; he tells her he wishes to say there 'forgetting any other home but this’. And indeed, he chooses Juliet’s breast as his final resting place. Productions don’t generally make him die on her breast, but that’s what Friar Lawrence describes: 'Thy husband in thy bosom there lies dead.’ It tragically echoes his words in the balcony scene: 'Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast, / Would I were sleep and peace so sweet to rest!’

They are a team. They love, help, save, trust each other. The intimacy they achieve by the end of act III is remarkable. Look at the Nurse’s words when she finds Romeo crying in the friar’s cell:

O, he is even in my mistress’ case,Just in her case! O woeful sympathy!Piteous predicament! Even so lies she,Blubbering and weeping, weeping and blubbering.

He shows as much despair as her. They are not the typical straight couple—a perfectly disciplined man, an oversensitive woman—Romeo and Juliet share their pain. For instance, I’m in love with this passage from the farewell scene:

JULIETO god! I have an ill-divining soul!Methinks I see thee there, thou art so low,As one dead in the bottom of a tomb.Either my eyesight fails or thou lookst pale.ROMEOAnd trust me, love, in my eye so do you.Dry sorrow drinks our love. Adieu, adieu!

This could be paraphrased as ‘I’m scared.’ ‘I’m scared, too.’ This is beautiful and not so easy to find in literature. This is a man who doesn’t pretend he is too strong to show weakness. Romeo imagines his blood being sucked by sorrow, and he doesn’t mind telling Juliet. Indeed, he always stands up for his own emotions and his right to feel. I’ve always been in love with his response to the friar’s words in 3.3:

Thou canst not speak of that thou dost not feel:Wert thou as young as I, Juliet thy love,An hour but married, Tybalt murdered,Doting like me and like me banished,Then mightst thou speak, then mightst thou tear thy hair,And fall upon the ground, as I do now,Taking the measure of an unmade grave.

Romeo is unable to cope; he is weak, sensitive, and spends too much time dreaming. He is the kind of person who needs people by his side. He simply needs affection and that’s precisely what his society prohibits him from having. But instead of mocking him for this, I believe it would be fairer to judge those that instill such anxiety and despair in this poor child who just wants to spend his life poetizing the power of love but who is tragically forced to kill and hate. He is such an idealistic young boy, isn’t he?—completely governed by his dreams, madly in love with his own fantasies. I can never get enough of this funny exchange between Mercutio and Romeo:

ROMEOI dreamt a dream tonight.MERCUTIOAnd so did I.ROMEOWell, what was yours?MERCUTIOThat dreamers often lie.ROMEOIn bed asleep while they do dream things true.

This is not only a man showing his emotions and clinging to his dreams, this is a man who was raised to promote toxic masculinity, rage, and violence, and who does what he can to distance himself from that. We should never forget that. Let’s not decontextualize Romeo and Juliet’s actions from the feud. They are not ‘normal’ kids living in a ‘normal’ world. I think that’s people’s problem with this play—they forget the patriarchal, abusive society Romeo and Juliet were raised in. Two idiots getting themselves killed? That’s dumb indeed. But that’s not what happens in Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet cling to each other because they accept each other for what they truly are. It’s the fact that they are left alone, that nobody else is willing to accept them, that their society feeds itself with blood and hate and prejudice—this is what kills Romeo and Juliet. To me, it’s the story of two young people who rebel against all the chaos they are to inherit from their parents. And Romeo’s rebellion lies in his emotions. This is the 21st century, for God’s sake. Are we going to mock a boy who is just too tired of all the unhealthy ideals being forced on him? Romeo is quite a unique character—how many men living in a society that encourages them to show off their masculinity would refuse to perpetuate it? Let Romeo cry. Let him fall on the ground in tears. Let him sigh and talk about how his 'heartsick groans, mist-like,’ will 'infold me from the search of eyes’. The fact that he is vulnerable is proof that he doesn’t want to be dehumanized by social constructs. It’s the bravest, most revolutionary thing he could have done in his world. The problem is not Romeo, but Romeo’s society.

#answered #thoughts #Romeo #Shakespeare #Romeo and Juliet #this is my favorite thing to talk about #I love this boy he's my child #I'm here to defend him #and I relate to him a lot too #like #he's my spirit animal

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