#they're still all future kebabs

[bietrofastimoff23]

it was 2024, and tb keep talking as if it was aegon at the coronation who ran to alicent to hide behind her back, when in reality it was her choice to come forward, shield her son with her body and cling to his arm to make sure that he would stay behind.

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Hey, I was wondering if you'd do a Roy Kent x reader series (maybe) where she asks him to pretend they're boyfriend/girlfriend because her ex-boyfriend is marrying her somewhat younger sister. Kinda like The Wedding Date (if you've seen it). Ends up happily ever after?

Ahh, I was going to originally try to do this in one go, but decided to do this in a few small parts so I can get some fluff breaks while working on my longer fic. Here's part one!

Playing Pretend (Part 1)

Roy Kent x Reader

1.9k words

Warnings: Language, references to possible cheating, mutual pining, major rom-com vibes

Summary: The reader has a huge favor to ask Roy Kent- a guy who can never say no to her.

Series Masterlist

“What the fuck d’you want me to do?”

“Be my boyfriend,” you explained slowly. “At the wedding.”

Roy wrinkled his nose. “There’s really no one else you can ask?”

You let out a giant sigh and tapped the side of your beer bottle. “I mean, sure, maybe. But you’re Roy fucking Kent. You’d be kind of perfect.”

His eyes bore into yours. Roy Kent had known you quite literally your whole life; he could still remember when his very pregnant mother took him to the hospital to meet you, his sister’s future best friend. Your families were ridiculously close. Up until you were about sixteen, he thought of you as an annoying little bonus sister; then, one Christmas, he came home and suddenly felt decidedly un-brotherly towards you. The way you smiled at him, the way you wore that pink dress, the way you kissed his cheek before you left at the end of the party, all of it made something snap in his brain. For years after that, the very sight of you burned his chest. But there was no way he could tell you; his little sister’s best friend? Cliché.

But those cliché feelings meant he couldn’t say no to you. Not when you’d called him late at night needing to escape from skeevy dates. Not when you’d begged him for an autograph from Jamie Tartt. Not when you’d demanded to know where he got the kebabs he brought to his sister’s parties. And definitely not now, when your heart was in a million pieces as you watched your baby sister get ready to marry your ex-boyfriend.

The idea was insane, you freely admitted that. But the situation you found yourself was equally insane, if you were being honest.

You had dated Jim for years. And Roy fucking hated him. The guy was everything Roy wasn’t: friendly, outgoing, affable, posh, clever. And you loved him. Your parents loved him. Everyone loved him.

When Jim ended things out of the blue three years ago, everyone was shocked. He hadn’t proposed, per se, but it was expected. Things were implied. You’d started looking at rings and thinking about venues. So, when he suddenly broke up with you, you were devastated. You’d spent more than a few nights curled up on the couch at Roy’s sister’s house, with Roy taking Phoebe out of the house so you could mourn with your best friend in peace.

Just when you thought you were pretty much over things, your baby sister Lauren came home with big news. And a ring on her finger. And Jim.

You’d quietly excused yourself from the party she’d chosen to announce her engagement at, walked into a bathroom and vomited, and called Roy. He’d picked you up and drove you to his sister’s, where he watched you drink whiskey straight from a bottle and cry in his sister’s arms.

Now you sat next to him at a bar, where you’d asked him to meet you so you could ask him a huge favor. He’d expected tickets to a match, or help moving to a new flat, or asking him to donate a fucking kidney, literally anything but this. A weekend at some posh estate where your whole family would be celebrating your sister and fucking Jim, watching your heart break all over again sounded like absolute shit to Roy.

But you looked at him with those stupid pleading eyes. “Please, Roy,” you begged. “You’re the only guy I trust enough for this. You’ll protect me. You always protect me.”

There it was. It wasn’t just having the big football star on your arm to show off to everyone; it was having someone you felt safe with. Someone who wouldn’t mock you. Someone who understood. And Roy was always determined to be that person.

“Fine. I’ll fucking do it.”

His cheek burned like fire where you kissed him in gratitude. “Thanks a million Roy! This is why you’re my favorite fella.

Favorite fella. You’d called him that for years. Your mother was the first person to say it after seeing the way you toddled after him all the time once you’d learned to walk. Through the boyfriends you had, through the models he dated, you assured him time and time again that he’d always be your favorite fella.

Roy ignored the warmth in his chest and sipped his beer. “Doesn’t it feel a bit like you’re stealing your sister’s thunder? Bringing a professional footballer as your date?” he mused, anxious to move the conversation along and distract himself from how fucking pretty you looked.

The shrug you gave held a coldness he didn’t know someone as kind as you could muster. “Well, she did steal my boyfriend.”

The smirk that Roy gave made your heart flutter, reminding you of all the pining you’d done for him over the years. “Fair enough.” He looked thoughtful. “You don’t have to answer but… did he… and she…?” He nodded emphatically, not sure how to finish that sentence.

Another shrug. “Who fucking knows? I don’t need to know. They didn’t have the decency to tell me they’d started shagging, that’s all I need to know.”

Roy’s heart was sad to see the hurt in your eyes. He quickly changed his tone. “Can’t believe my sister isn’t invited. Figured you’d wrangle her into keeping you company all weekend.”

You snorted, one of Roy’s favorite sounds. “Oh, she was,” you corrected him. “She’s protesting because she hates Jim and my sister.” You raised your bottle to Roy appreciatively. “Yet another reason to invite you- I need at least one Kent there. And Phoebe couldn’t do shots with me or carry me back to our room when I’m sloshed.”

That was a job Roy wouldn’t mind doing. “Bit surprised I didn’t get an invite. Only known Lauren since she was fucking born.”

“Oh, there was no way you were getting invited. Jim hates you.” Your tone was so matter of fact it took Roy off guard.

“Excuse me?” Roy’d had no idea the disdain was mutual.

You nodded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Yeah, when we were dating, he did not like me hanging out with a dishy footballer. Hates your guts.” Your face lit up playfully. “Yet another reason you’re the perfect wedding date.”

Another smirk crossed his bearded face. “Dishy? Is that his word or yours?”

With a laugh, you shoved him, slipping into that familiar old comfort, the one that made you forget he was Roy Kent. “Don’t go getting a big head, otherwise you won’t fit in the car.”

~

Two weeks later, Roy felt his grip on the steering wheel tighten as he pulled into the drive of the estate the two of you would be spending the weekend at. Of course Jim’s family had gone all out for the wedding. Wanker.

Your leg shook almost violently as your eyes darted around. Instinctively, Roy reached out and took your hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Three days,” he reminded you. “That’s all we’ve gotta get through. Rehearsal dinner tomorrow, wedding Saturday, stupid brunch on Sunday.”

Looking down at your intertwined fingers, you nodded. “Maybe we can skip brunch?” you joked.

Deciding he should start playing the doting boyfriend now, he lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of your hand. “We can abso-fucking-lutely skip brunch.”

And you knew he meant it. Roy always meant it. It was one of the million things that made him your absolute life-long unattainable crush that you thrust into the back of your mind. You always felt like a dumb little kid around him, as if you never quite outgrew the childhood you’d shared, but part of you hoped this weekend together would maybe help him see you in a different light. Besides, Roy’s sister was right when she suggested that Roy would really get under Jim’s skin.

As if summoned, Jim came bounding out of the house, waving at the familiar sight of your car. You felt your breath catch as you gazed at him. Jim. Your Jim. At least, what used to be your Jim.

You got out of the car and waved back. “Hey there!” you called, as if you hadn’t spent the last nine months avoiding him at every family gathering he and Lauren attended.

His smile faded when Roy got out of the car, wearing that signature scowl of his. “Roy!” Jim shouted, quickly recovering. “Didn’t know you were coming.” Now in front of you, he leaned closer. “Thought you were bringing that mystery boyfriend of yours,” he whispered, ignoring the fact that Roy could hear him.

Alright. Here we go. Time to sell it.

“I did,” you chirped brightly. You waved Roy over and wrapped an arm around his waist, while he placed a hand on your shoulder. “Surprise!”

For all the years you’d spent with Jim, you’d never seen him so red in the face. “Oh! Wow! That’s great!”

Roy smiled, a smug grin that felt so fucking good on his face. “It is great, isn’t it? Me and this one, finally getting together.”

Jim cleared his throat, squirming like a worm. “Right. Well, when did this-”

“Sister!”

Lauren came sprinting out of the house, squealing as if you were her favorite person in the world. She wrapped you in a hug and planted multiple kisses on your cheek. When she pulled back, she finally noticed Roy.

“Oh. Roy. What’re you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too, Lauren,” he muttered through his teeth.

Your sister turned to you. “What happened to mystery boyfriend? I was so looking forward to meeting him,” she pouted.

You laid a hand on Roy’s stomach, pulling him close, pretending as if you did this all the time and not just in your dreams. “Well, I’m not sure introductions are necessary, considering you’ve known him forever,” you joked, hoping your tone was light.

Lauren looked as if she was doing a difficult maths problem. “I’m sorry, Roy? Your mystery boyfriend is Roy? As in, known him our whole lives, football phenomenon, used to chase you around the backyard with spiders Roy? That Roy?” Her eyes darted to Jim, who looked just as confused. “Are you joking?”

“Absolutely not,” you lied. “You said I could bring a date. I told you I’d bring my boyfriend.” You nodded towards Roy. “There he is. Is there problem or can we grab our things?”

That superior smile your youngest sister often wore appeared. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” She judged Jim. “Love, could you send someone to grab their things?”

Roy rolled his eyes with one of his familiar groans. “Just tell me where the fucking room is. I can carry my own shit.” After a quick look from you, he cleared his throat. “Sorry, just a bit tired from the drive. And, if we’re being candid, kind of want to get this one alone for a bit before dinner, you know?” A kiss landed on the top of your head, painting your face a deep red.

The bride and groom both gawked at you, as if waiting for one of you to shout that you were kidding, that you were pathetically alone and that Roy was leaving. When neither of you did, Lauren cleared her throat. “Right. Um, when you go inside the housekeeper can show you where to go.” She turned to Jim. “We should go, er, check on that thing, right darling?”

Jim nodded, his eyes on you. “Right, right.” He offered a small wave. “We’ll see you later then.”

As soon as they were out of sight, Roy looked down at you, eyebrow quirked. “Well. This’ll be a fun weekend, hmm?”

[aropride]

(ID: an ask and response posted by the @ wip tumblr. delicatepointofviews asks, "hey, i've been using the alt text function lately, because i want my blog to be accessible, but i have to say alt text on mobile really is a pain to write. the option is hidden in a kebab menu so that i feel like half the people don't even know it exists and still type image descriptions in the captions and the box in which to input text is so small that it's almost impossible to re-view what you've written let alone fix a mistake.

for example when i try to scroll to the beginning of my text, i keep hitting cancel and closing the window which is super frustrating. i also find it annoying that you cannot at once see the image you're describing and the input box. do you have any plans to improve mobile alt text? i think this would be major in improving the accessibility of tumblr :^)"

@ wip answers: "Hello there @ delicatepointofviews! So it would be nice if we could see the image while writing alt text, but that would be a pretty big change, and we just do not have the engineering capacity for that right now. To be transparent with you, we think the hard part would be finding the team to pick it up and if this is more important than the mass of whatever work they're already doing. Personally, we feel that improving this and all accessibility features is no doubt important. And something we want to take a good look at when we have the time, space, and people power. In truth, we need a thorough plan to be able to tackle accessibility issues in the future, but right now, it's going to be a bit difficult to prioritize. That said, there may be some quick fixes we can look at to help some of the issues you've outlined here. Thanks for your question, and leave it with us. We will see what we can do in the short and longer term."

The post is signed: "—April, Caroline, Lara, Cyle, Dave and Eli (Tumblr Engineering)"

the date of the post is January 3rd of this year. end ID)

is anyone else super uncomfortable with this response. like, saying that accessibility isn't more important than the other work the engineers are doing, and that it's "difficult" to prioritize it. cuz it feels very uncomfortable to me

[r0yalgrimmartz]

So...future GX look?? Around in their 40's where they've both finally settled and feel much better with where they are in their lives.

More so domestic life style look. I was so torn back and forth between giving Chazz some stubble or not. He only has a lil stubble since I imagine his stubble doesn't grow much. Also not much chest hair it's like a little bit. However when he's dueling in front of an audience or for the cameras, he tends to shave ofc to give a clean look (also so the makeup applies better when he dresses up). Forgot to give him a bit of eye bags but he sleeps a bit better when he's home. Also forgot his GREY HAIRS FFS.

Kore is more relaxed and finally at a healthy mental state in her life. Goes by she/they, embraces it and is comfortable with it. Not on the verge of death or having near death experiences compared to her 20's. Does Duel still, loves dueling with all her heart. Gets spammed phone calls and messages by Chazz when they're away, after some instances in their 20's where Kore nearly fucking died so now Chazz messages her and calls her a lot when either he or she is away.

Also some notes but not really relevant I just like these soft old cougars:

⚡️ Both got married at 34, mainly cause Kore kept side lining the idea of marriage.

⭐️ Chazz is more affectionate in his 30's-40's, always will give Kore small palm kisses when she's holding his cheek. Takes advantage of this a lot.

⚡️ Kore & Chazz both gotten therapy, granted Kore is somewhat still iffy with her mental state at times.

⭐️ Have better relationships with their kids, while Kore sometimes struggles Chazz is surprisingly the one that helps Kore out and helps build better relationships with their kids.

⚡️ Kore did suffer postpartum depression when she had their first kid (Kenji). There was days where Kore felt nothing for him as ashamed as she is to admit it. Chazz managed to step in and help, giving Kenji unconditional love and being supportive and caring for Kore. Eventually Kore got better but Chazz kept a much closer eye on Kore.

⭐️ They did separate at one point in their late 20's or early 30's for like two years after some touchy subjects in an argument occurred and left them both separating for two whole years. Chazz still made effort to see his kids cause he loves them obviously. Do eventually rekindle and discuss their problems and issues after two years and get back together (before Chazz asked Kore to marry him).

⚡️ Both had gone out nightclubbing for once after not going out clubbing much since their youth. Was for Chazz's 40th. Both had a massive culture shock when they saw the state of nightclubs nowadays. Literally, both felt out of place. A time when they both used to dress up nicely and go out to nightclubs with lively bouncy music, now it more casual with pop music. They both decided to get wasted and got kicked out by the bouncer. Ended the night with Kore's face buried in a kebab on the floor that she tripped over into and Chazz spewing in the drains. No, they will never repeat what happened to anyone.

⭐️ Chazz has massive beef with his eldest kid Kenji. Kenji acting like a little shit. Mainly because when Kore and Chazz separated, Kenji made assumptions and blamed Chazz even though it was both Kore and Chazz at fault in their own way. Kenji has since behaved better. He just acts like a little shit because he likes to.

⚡️ All three of their kids are close in age...Massively regret having kids that are closer in age range. Both Kore and Chazz were hanging on by a thread trying to juggle them three at once. Literally both laughed like maniacs when their friends decided if they wanted kids close in age range but Kore and Chazz just laughed then were like, "Don't. You'll regret it". They love their kids though. Just Kenji being the first kid and actually being a little angel at first fooled them in.

⭐️ Chazz would fight with other parents if they dared accuse his daughter Himari for shit. Absolutely defends his little girl. Yet Himari is built like a fucking tank and easily can hold up Chazz no problem. Works great if he's having an argument with Aster and Chazz wanted to get physical. Himari casually just straight up picks up her dad as if he ain't weighing shit. Kore and Himari have mommy and daughter dates, and both can just act as feral in stores when it comes to impulsive buying. Do they need it? No. But do they really want it? Yes.

⚡️ Ekou has...gained Jaden's curse in attracting all the bad shit his way. Literally Ekou probably one point dueld to near death against someone. Chazz totally didn't call Jaden up 3AM like "YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU PASSED IT ONTO HIM". Jaden was just confused.

⭐️ Also, Ekou is feral like Kore. Also hung around Jaden too much and gained habits from him. Chazz is disappointed slightly. Loves his kid still. Just...Regrets leaving Ekou around Jaden a lot.

That's all I have now I'm gonna lay down and cry cause stomach pains.

[juette]

WRITING PROMPTS FROM TORCHWOOD: EVERYTHING CHANGES

A list of various quotes from the first episode of Torchwood to be used as writing prompts. Feel free to reblog this as an ask game or simply use it as inspiration. Linking back to this post is not necessary.

"If I get punched again, I'm punching him right back."

"Trust me. You're dead."

"Tell me, what was it like when you died? What did you see?"

"Me and him having tea. That's middle age, that is."

"CSI Cardiff, I'd like to see that. They'd be measuring the velocity of a kebab."

"They were here, and then they were gone. And look, there's nowhere to hide. They just disappeared."

"Hey, look at me. Hot pot. Or, as the French call it, ho po."

"I was working on a punchline. I'd have got there. But it would've been good."

"He was murdered." "Yes." "And you covered it up." "That's my job."

"You saw the murder. Come and see the murderer."

"It's alien. Look into its eyes."

"Take your time. It was born on a different world and it's real."

"You can dump a man in the water and lie about his death."

"I'm getting tired of following you." "No you're not, and you never will."

"That is so Welsh." "What is?" "I show you something fantastic. You find fault."

"Yeah, well your boyfriend's stupid." "Oh, you've met him?"

"We don't just catch aliens. We scavenge the stuff they leave behind. Find ways of using it. Arming the human race for the future. The twenty first century's when it all changes, and you gotta be ready."

"We're separate from the government, outside the police, beyond the United Nations. Cos if one power got hold of this stuff, they could use it for their own purposes." "But so could you."

"But where are you from?" "All sorts of places."

"Right, I can see the mistake. You think because we showed up at the scene of crime, we're out to catch the killer. Sorry. Nothing to do with us."

"Worse still, you'll have forgotten me, which is kind of tragic."

"They're going to find out by morning, but I'll be gone. I don't know where. Far away. What am I going to do? I loved this job. I really loved it. And now I've got to run. Oh, Christ. How can you do any other job after this one?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've got to. I've got to. I've got to."

"I remember."

"Something happened to me a while back. Long story and far away. But I was killed, and then I was brought back to life. And ever since then, I can't die."

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Ahem. So here is my wonderful match request.

I'm a 5'3, 80 kg afab.

I love doing sports, but usually just for fun. And I have mild epilepsy so I can't do well when there's too much physical or mental pressure.

But I'm very tough so my seizures happy rarely.

I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed adhd too, but I'm not in the hyperactive category a lot. I'm mostly hyperfocused or having executive dysfunction. Haha. Life. :')

I love puns and dad jokes a lot I think they're neat. And I love wearing more baggy and comfy clothes. I don't like tight or revealing clothes.

I don't mind casual flirting and can be flirty and handsy when comfortable with my partner.

I don't like being hugged unless I give permission to someone. Only a few people can hug me or be hugged by me.

I have some cat like tendencies. Like purring and meowing and hissing. I don't do it in public, though.

I am an introvert but I'm also very confident, or at least good at not showing my internal tormoil.

And it I get disrespected, honestly I wouldn't hesitate to either slap or verbally burn a bish.

I love public speaking and my physical strength is pretty decent.

I am an artist and aspiring animator.

I can be pretty bad tempered and sensitive. My feelings can be pretty intense.

I have these moments were I just shut down and don't want to do anything.

And I have a bad case of procrastination + perfectionism and a tad bit of laziness.

My deal breaker, is someone who doesn't accept the fact that I have a social battery and there's somethings that are physically dangerous for me to do.

A pushy and bad tempered person is a big deal breaker. I need someone patient.

I LOVE black cats. And ramen, kebab, steak and lasagna are my favorite foods.

Please do not pair me with undyne or toriel. Toriel is a mother figure for me and undyne would cause me so many triggers because of her hotheadedness.

I hope this was enough.

First match up!

It was a very close tie between several characters. Your personality is pretty close of UT Frisk, US Papyrus and UF Alphys. But none of them met the standarts of your new bonefriend which is...

DANCETALE SANS ! (Rambo)

Despite being a dancer, he is also a casual sportive. He's actually more a couch skeleton and much prefers procrastinates with you than actually working on his shows.

You have a really similar sense of fashion and he totally respects the fact you don't like revealing clothes. He doesn't like them either, even in shows.

He's not a very big hugger, so no hugs at all is no big deal. He loves the fact you are very exciting for everything, but still has flaws he can help you with, like perfectionnism or your more sensitive part. He loves puns and he loves teasing you for your cat habits... Even if he's really not better than you. He is also introvert, but appreciate the fact he can rely on your more confident part when he can.

He's a food vacuum, so he really doesn't mind, and just like you, he has big projects for the future. He doesn't want to dance all his life and matching your future job career might be something he would really like to do.

So yeah, he's much likely your man than the others, since he's completing you pretty well !

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie, Bronson, Charlie & Bea

Ronnie: I'm going on a run Ronnie: who wants? Bronson: My stash is depleted for some unknown reason 🤔 please stock me up Charlie: Ooh, new year new you babe? Charlie: couch to 5k is it aspirational af 😍 Bea: ✋ me Ronnie: fuck off i just dont need you pussies crying when you can't scav my gear Ronnie: what'll it be princess? the usual Charlie: c'mon, we've always shared everything, nothing is your own #carekidlife Bronson: Ha! That'll be why the lock on my door never sticks Bea: yep, not decided to get heavily into crack since we last spoke, just lots of amphetamines in any form you find 'em, tah, got exams coming up Ronnie: Shame Ronnie: reckon I'd like you more on the hard shit Charlie: just in case you missed the old place, man, giving you that nostalgia for when you had to padlock anything that wasn't bolted to the floor 😜 Bronson: Good times! 😀 Bea: Shame I'm not trying to be your type then, I guess Bea: soz darling, spoken for 💋 Charlie: Truly, missing that tenner a week pocket money, LUXURY! Ronnie: fucking am Ronnie: pissing jobcentre Bronson: I'll add it to your tab if you're desperate as Charlie: gotta learn to play their game, babe Charlie: not throw the board in a hissy Ronnie: 🖕 doss cunts Bea: catch me here fanning myself with sweet, sweet debt for future me to give a shit about Bronson: I'll wipe it out if you use some to keep me sweet Bea: sweet enough sugar 😘 Bea: but forreal, if you could manage that I would be your sugar mama for LIFE 🙏 Bronson: It's student loans not the feds Bronson: Easy peasy Bea: true, like all branches of the gov, pretty fucking useless Bea: but I'm an immigrant as far as they concerned so they treat me SO good 😋 Bronson: Same, but we can always stretch our hands out a little further Ronnie: To jack it and pat yourself on the back at the same time, yeah? Ronnie: calm it down Bronson: New year, new look too! Green looks ace with black 😄 Bea: Clearly do not have natural rhythm Ronnie, that's really not that difficult Bea: You're not a drummer, are you? 😕 Ronnie: get off my tits all of yous Ronnie: do you want gear or nah? Bronson: 🤐 Bea: I thought you'd already gone tbh Ronnie: not trying to score that weak gay shit Ronnie: hitting up a more reliable source like Charlie: rude, i'm RIGHT here Ronnie: are you even gay fitzy? always in my pussy lad Bronson: 😷 Bea: 🤢 Charlie: idk, ask ur man 💖 Ronnie: that'll be why me and Bron's dads did a bunk Bronson: Get yourself locked up at the same time just for the d, did you? Romantic Charlie: if the porn n the stereotypes n the rate of STIs are anything to go by...love is in the air always in cell block h Ronnie: princess'll have some handcuffs to get you on your way to that good loving Bea: 🚿🧠 anyone got any bleach? Bea: Charlie isn't worth the 💰 use cable ties, more authentic Bronson: 99 🚔 My fingers are on the button....Stop for the love of god Ronnie: Bron can help you out there Fitz Ronnie: 🤓 Bronson: Take that over a thicko label Charlie: Look, babe, know you wanna tie me down forever but do it yourself, don't involve the kid Charlie: 💍 diamond or no D, soz Ronnie: Bring a needle I'll snag a gem Bronson: Don't go there, C, I'm still riding the ear infection wave Bronson: It's been 84 years Ronnie: yeah cause you're a mong that can't turn an earring Bronson: In my defense I was a legit child Bea: nothing screams low-class like stabbing your friends for the bants Charlie: and i already scream homo loudly enough, don't need another reason to be hate crime-d, a thank you Bronson: If I didn't know you I'd guess bisexual Bronson: You can have that for free Charlie: what a smooth-talker! thanks babe 💖 Charlie: and if i didn't know you, i'd guess you were trying to see my dongle Bronson: Been there, repressed the trauma o that Ronnie: get a fucking room benders Charlie: why you being so homophobic when we all know how bad you want on princess? cliche stuck in the closet much Bea: shut up Ronnie: in your wet dreams Charles Ronnie: fuck off Charlie: oh the delicious tension Charlie: too much for either to bear Ronnie: I know where she's been Ronnie: fuck that Ronnie: like you wish you could gayboy Bronson: Wait, you fancy Fraze, Charlie? Ha Bea: Bron can you not encourage either of them Bea: thanks Bronson: Sorry my mind's just blown I thought he was out of his straight boy phase Charlie: What? Its a compliment for you, he's adorable, why else would you be with him? Ronnie: they're both annoying cunts Ronnie: match made Charlie: and never out of that phase, bro 😍 #daddyissues Bea: get his name out of your mouth bitch Ronnie: oi get your mouth off his dick Fitzgerald you heard her Ronnie: princess is raging like Ronnie: when your mans a slag and youre a prude Bea: As if Bea: Only one McKenna fucked up to go near you Bea: #singletear Charlie: Children, enough Ronnie: Bron do that final 9 she's going off 😂 Bronson: Walking away Bea: know you're hard up but as per we're all funding you getting your rocks off so run along and do it, no need to bore me trying to get your kicks Ronnie: know youre a snobby cunt but I don't work for you Bea: you don't work for anyone, not even JC gonna fund your lack of a life Ronnie: 🖕 mad cause I don't need reddies to fund myself Bea: yeah fuming Bea: if only I'd have thought of selling my body, wouldn't even NEED to be at cambs rn omg Ronnie: nailed it Bea: 😂 Bea: whodathunkit Bea: talking to the cure for cancer stuck inside a waster here Bea: and I'm the snob, okay Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: devvo like Bea: We can tell Bea: you don't need to shout about it, you've got the energy of a walking wasteland Ronnie: can't wait until you take some more speed and get more smug Bea: Right? Bea: Must sting, better only getting better Bea: why don't you get something to numb the pain- Ronnie: let you know how it feels when the lads come up Bronson: A rare compliment, you hitting it already? Ronnie: you'll have your share calm the fuck down Charlie: i don't want any, i'm busy Charlie: glad you all noted my silence, feel so listened to usually! hmpf Ronnie: so now you're a little bitch too Ronnie: fuck's sake Bronson: PARTY TIME, am I right? Really in the mood now thanks everyone Charlie: who's in who's pussy, dollface? Charlie: keep your shirt on, Bro 😂 got enough with the two angry feminists here Charlie: I've got previous plans, if you're really so hurt, you can save me some, no? Whaddya mean that'd hurt more? 😏 Bea: you're alright, I personally rather you weren't there, suits me 😘 Bronson: Shirts already off, too late 😜 Bea: Standard 👌 Charlie: you big man whore Charlie: when i'm not around to be predatory, too, tuttut Bronson: I'd wilt under your stare, you know you aren't missing out Charlie: our beautiful wallflower Charlie: I bagsy being a red rose, lil trashy but iconic Bronson: Thorn in our sides Bronson: accepted Bea: Nice one, babe Bea: i'll be an orchid, because i'm beautiful, ornamental and high-maintenance Bea: getting in there before any of you fucks can Charlie: though your silence IS noted, wonwon Charlie: don't be cross at me 😘 Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you're not the only one who's busy Ronnie: got a dick in my mouth too like Charlie: such a skilled multitasker Charlie: teach me your ways Bronson: in private please Bronson: not a lesson I want to learn Bea: we're not living in that teen movie Ronnie: On my way Bea: 👍 getting cash out, meet you there Bronson: Doors on the latch

Bea: Morning sweetness 😴 Bea: manage to recover your good vibe/night? Bronson: is it? 😪 Bronson: Until now it wasn't too bad Bronson: Do you get to say the same or is it pure suffering? Bea: Wow, when you hit bae up with that morning text and he's like day=ruined 😰 thought we was forever 😉 Bea: Decided to get off with someone around the same time I lost track of yous, so it was fucking awful, don't tell me you coulda told me that Bronson: It's only the comedown I wanna dump you're welcome to come and nap 💗 Bronson: Not to be that know it all Bea: Molly's such a cruel, cruel mistress, she wants you to miss her when she's gone 💁 Bea: Poor bubba, better than waking up next to that pushy bitch from last night though, Jesus, what was her damage? Bea: I reckon he'd actually gone out and had his drunken kebab and THEN PAID TO GET BACK IN Bea: No sir, not alright Bea: Why do I bother? Bronson: But I'm shamelessly smitten, only girl for besides present company like Bronson: Whatever it is she's not the first or last sufferer Bronson: Thanks for the bail out and sorry I wasn't there to do the same with kebab Kev Bea: N'awwh 💞 glad I hold more appeal than Tina, don't need to be going down that route Bea: It's an epidemic! Basic bitches who can't get a man willing, yeah take that out on innocent onlookers who ain't buying and talk about how your ex ain't shit for being a creepy letch Bea: We see you sweets 💅 Bea: Any time, even if you weren't there to take that donner breath bullet Bea: I'd never ask that of anyone, even Ronnie, though she'd brag about not being arsed, I'm sure 😂 Bronson: Next time I'll carry gum and throw it at whoever you deem worthy Bronson: Give me the nod Bronson: It was all over her socials like we had a good night together until I got there first Bronson: Rather take out Tina and all her mates Bea: as if you don't already Bea: if only little miss would-be-rapist knew that strong jawline was from gurning up a storm 😉 Bea: not so sexy now Bronson: there's nothing in my pockets I'm just pleased to see you Bronson: Seriously though, some of those selfies had to go for that unflattering reason alone taking into account none of her other antics Bronson: I looked a state Bea: 😂 not fallen for that one before but i'll make an exception for you boo Bea: catch me in my duvet cocoon, please don't look at me 'cos same Bea: I dread to think Bea: kept off my accounts for that reason and many more, some of us have reputations to uphold, skank Bronson: want me to check Bronson: clean up the carnage Bronson: Then brunch, your treat Bea: please Bea: roleplay my IT bitch and I'll be feeling my boss best in time for a liquid lunch Bea: will have to damage control my face first, enjoy watching me lovingly whilst I turn a -2 to an 11 Bronson: Never get bored of staring at you, you know that Bronson: Make my hair great again Bronson: Thanks Bea: when you shoulda been Trump's campaign manager 😕 Bea: sort the weave, clean up that twitter Bea: what a wonderful world it coulda been Bronson: Last night proves I can't stop him pussy grabbing Bronson: Need you for that one Bea: This pussy bites back 😼 Bea: its not your fault, girls like that, if you tell her to fuck off, and rightly so, it'd be made like YOU were being a prick to her Bea: gotta bullshit these hoes sometimes, tis the only way Bronson: Or playing hard to get...they fire that one at me loads Bronson: 😦 Bea: 🤢 gross Bea: got that one myself a fair few times, when I'm not being accused of being a prude by Ronaldo, hilariously Bea: People are the worst Bea: 'cept us Bronson: It's only because she likes you Bronson: Flattering, isn't it? Bronson: Being called broken is my fave Bronson: "Who hurt you?" You are right now, fuck off before you get a slap yourself to feel the pain of Bea: Wouldn't that just be the perfect solution in their simplistic little world? If only Bea: Save myself the feelings of disgust not brought on by kebab breath Bea: Though, if you think that that's love coming from Ron, then you do have an answer to their riddle right there, not real but the masses'll take one look at her and buy it 😜 Bronson: No arguments here Bronson: Your socials are sparkling now so that's real comfort to take Bea: 💖 yay Bea: the world never need know Bea: as long as I didn't drunk dial or text Fraze, this day is looking up, tah babes Bronson: Not to be a know it all again so quick Bronson: but I'm going to go ahead and guess the answer to that one Bea: BITCH DON'T KILL MY VIBE Bea: I'm sure I'd have angry ranting in my inbox if I had Bea: or a passive indirect on the socials, come across one perchance smartiepants? Bronson: Might've Bronson: I'll spare you Bea: Noooooooooooooooooooo Bea: Coulda had it all Bea: Really sours my Bloody Mary Bea: Fuck sake, now he's going to think I FUCKED kebab kev and enjoyed it meanwhile I sit here virginal and scrubbing my mouth out with soap Bea: How's this game fair again, please remind me Bronson: It isn't Bronson: But I can't tell you to stop playing Bronson: All yours Bea: you're meant to be a superwhizkid Bea: can't you think up a strategy so I win Bronson: Thinking cap is on Bronson: Because my hair still looks shit as much as Bea: I'll fix your barnet Bea: Between you and Charlie, honestly Bea: Never known boys like it 😂 Bea: blatant lie, have you seen how particular Fraze is but he doesn't really have much hair to be stylin' so Bronson: 👴 awkward Bea: you fool Bea: not like that 😂 Bea: though I'll keep it in my backpocket for when we inevitably row later Bea: #malepatternbaldnessBITCH Bronson: Freebie to kick your day off right again Bea: if you refuse to tell me what to do, could you use your skillz for good at least and fucking disable my phone when i'm fucked Bronson: Last time I tried you tried to fight me like Bea: Look, I didn't say it was a task for the fainthearted 😉 Bea: and yes, you would be the first to succeed too Bea: but if anyone can, its my man 😘 Bronson: Ego boost before eggs Bronson: Whoa Bronson: Today is looking up Bea: Gotta keep you sweet with all the bitching I'll no doubt do at brunch Bea: such a Carrie move, like no one cares bitch, write it in your column or books or...what did she even write? Or was she just monologuing at her computer, like all been there babe but don't act like its buying you all that designer Bronson: Her real true love was that laptop Bronson: Solved it Bea: 😲 Bea: but Mr. Big Bea: clue in the name Bronson: Could be his wallet Bronson: explain the designer gear Bea: Exactly Bea: Just my type Bronson: I'd go in for it if I can spend and send him the receipts Bea: you must be aware there are websites for that Bea: get on it boy Bronson: It all gets too sexual for my tastes Bea: set out boundaries Bea: different strokes for different folks Bea: i'm SURE there's a millionaire out there that just wants to chat Bronson: 🤔 There's enough fighting off advances in the club Bronson: Shelving that until millionaires become good people Bea: not bad people by default Bea: just a bad system they profit from more than you Bronson: Getting deep in here Bronson: Truth though Bea: real talk take #2 Bea: where do you think charlie was last night? and who or what was he doing? Bronson: Good questions that I have no answer to Bronson: If he had a job we'd all know Bea: I need to know, suspense is killing me Bea: I didn't think anything beat drugs in his book Bea: somewhat encouraging? Bronson: You could ask but I doubt you'd get far enough into the real Bronson: It is Bronson: Boy's growing up? Bea: Full of the #bants them two Bronson: Since day 1 Bronson: I'm coming to get you, Barbara Bronson: Ready yourself Bea: *falls over gravestones like a dumb bitch* Bea: i'm good to go and looking fly Bronson: I'll do the coded knock Bronson: Made up rn Bea: Helpful Bronson: That's my thing Bronson: Soon, my love, soon