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#theyve all been needy and attention seeking and thats why i was eriting them in the first place but thats ehy i keep deleting them
hearties-circus
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4 months
Text
Oh g-d I've been withdrawing
#gamer txt.
#i keep typong up posts and tags and delstinv them withoit thinking too much about it recentlu but k never usually dp that
#theyve all been needy and attention seeking and thats why i was eriting them in the first place but thats ehy i keep deleting them
#because i want attention
#and that scares tge hell out of me
#how bad do i have to be to be this desperate for some sort of contact yet this scared of losing everyone eho moght give it to me
#why am u rhis scared of people thinking im annoying ive been feleting needy posts for months thats not . like me
#even when im bad im usually better than that i dont. i dont understand ahy this is different
#hell i relapsed a few months ago and i couldnt bring myself to even say i cut myself again outright bc i didnt want to be bother
#since when the hell have i put up the illusion of being ok on this blog why am i so comcerned
#are my trust issues really that bad? am i really that worried everyone who cares about me will fold the second i inconveniene them?
#g-d thats. yeah fuck no wonder my friends were insulted when i gave them a 6/10 for 'ppl i would talk to if i had issues'
#that is insulting
#and whats worse is that its a lie
#6/10 should be over half i should tell them my problems about half of the time
#i dont do it. ever
#and usually thats not too bad because i unload wverything here anyways but now ive stsrted stopping kyself frkm doi g thst
#i want help and attention and to stop being so svared but im too scared to ask for those
#i had to drag myself out of bed to make rhis post bc if i left it till morning i wouldnt do kt
#also thats why all the typos btw no glssses its dark and i stsrted crying at some point
#i dont know if its just how ive been feeling lateky or if theres some truth to it but i feel like my text posts have been getting seen less
#im honestly kinda really twrrified im gonna wake up and no one will have seen this post and im just gonna pretend to be ok
#bevause i would i think i would really just give up
#i dont know what gl do
#ive never been this scaredwithout a discernable cause before
#ive stsrted cryung way harder andb u dont even know why
#i think i think thats more or lees everything off my chest
#im gonna try to sleep
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