#are my trust issues really that bad? am i really that worried everyone who cares about me will fold the second i inconveniene them?

[hearties-circus]

Oh g-d I've been withdrawing

[ravixen]

omg yeah i meant drabble as in reaction! my sleep deprived brain couldn’t make the distinction lmao but yes if it’s not a problem i would like to request it as a reaction style thing with cheol, gyu, and kwan <3

svt + "why didn't you tell me?"

➔ reaction || requested

omg i’m sorry it’s 2am and i’ve been running on four hours of sleep since thursday can i please add soonhoon to the list 😭 thank you actually

➔ warnings: arguing, food mention || 1357 words ➔ notes: angst with unresolved conflict cuz i don't have space LOL, hurt/comfort? ; here's the original ask for anyone who's curious about the prompt. this one really stumped me! it feels like there's so much...context to fit into 300 words, but i tried my best. maybe one day i'll make it into a full-fledged fic because that tiktok and its continuation reminded me of my "svt + fighting with their s/o" (2021) and "svt + helping you out of mental health issues" (2021) series. pls reblog if you liked!

SEUNGCHEOL: he's been prickly all week. at first, you brushed it off, confused at his attitude, but at this point, you're sick of his stupid scoffs whenever you hang out with his friends. doesn't seem like he'll address it any time soon, so after another tense dinner, you bite the bullet. "you've been irritated all week — are you going to tell me what that's about or am i supposed to guess?" you cross your arms and lean back against the kitchen counter. you half-expect him to walk out of the kitchen, but he levels a glare at the table, simmering. "...why didn't you tell me?" you throw your hands into the air. "tell you what, seungcheol?" "that you used to date seungkwan!" that makes you pause. "what? i never dated seungkwan—" and then it clicks. last week, your phone brought up a screenshot from years ago that you never deleted: a dating app exchange with a guy you met exactly twice, both of you deciding after the dates that it wouldn't work. you didn't remember him, not even when you were re-introduced to seungkwan as seungcheol's partner; that's how unimportant it was. when you and seungkwan realized your past connection, you thought it was funny, but evidently, seungcheol didn't. "i never dated him," you say again, much calmer now that you know what he's upset about. "it was two dates a long time ago. i didn't tell you because i didn't know it was him. do you want me to recount every failed match i had on dating apps?" you raise your eyebrows until he relents with a gruff no. "besides, i'm literally living with you now. that's got to count for something, right?"

SOONYOUNG: when he's in a bad mood, everyone who knows him knows. he's good at schooling his expression into a neutral smile, but something about him is colder, more reserved. he's lost in his festering thoughts, and it takes a while to draw him back out. so when you flip over your phone to show him a funny video and his laugh is stalled for the fifth time, you decide to sit up and talk about it. he stays draped over the couch as you cross your arms, but finally he huffs, "why didn't you tell me?" his frown borders on angry, but when he toys with the hem of your sweater, you know that it's not directed at you, which is relieving — his anger is a force to be reckoned with. you wait for him to continue because he looks like he's turning words over in his mind. he begins slowly, "i trust my members with my life. all of them, but seungcheol especially. he's a good leader. takes care of us." you only hum, hand coming up to tug the short hairs on the nape of his neck. he leans into the touch. "and i'm glad you get along with everyone. i'm glad seungcheol takes care of you." there's something heartbreaking about the look in his eyes when he meets your gaze. "he told me that you've been confiding in him about your nightmares?" you suck in a breath. "it's not because i don't trust—" "i know, i know. he told me it's because you didn't want me to worry, but baby, i'm supposed to take care of you."

JIHOON: "what video are you watching?" you ask as you shuffle into his studio. take-out containers are laid out on the table, making you nearly drool in anticipation, and you're assuming the ones pushed to the corner are yours. you settle into a seat and break a pair of chopsticks. he still hasn't looked over. "hello? jihoon?" he grunts, eyebrows furrowed as he continues staring intently at the screen. you can hear a familiar song bleeding from his headphones. his standoffish behavior rubs you the wrong way, but whatever — you had a long day and you're hungry. you're about two bites into your fried rice when he finally pauses the video and turns to you. "why didn't you tell me?" you just keep eating. if he's going to accuse you of something and be mad about it, he better give you more context. "this—" he waves at his screen— "is your audition tape. you didn't tell me you were an idol trainee?" you choke on your food, and when he pushes a can of coke zero into your hand, you chug it gratefully. "where the hell did you get that?" and that makes his frown deepen. "i got it from soonyoung. you told soonyoung before you told me?" he tries to say it nonchalantly, but there's hurt that bleeds into his voice. you didn't mean to tell soonyoung first — it just happened that way because he overheard you talking about it to another friend and then he pestered you to send him a video. "what's worse is that i kept complaining to you about idol life...does that bring up bad memories? hurt feelings? i'm sorry."

MINGYU: sometimes you joke and say that he has a thing for praise, but it's true that he loves feeling needed and helpful, particularly when it comes to you. as much as you'd love his assistance with this one project, however, it's supposed to be a secret to everyone except jihoon who's helping as a co-composer. you were doing so well with hiding this until he surprises jihoon in the studio and finds you in front of the microphone. "what the heck? ...are you making a song?" the without me? goes unsaid, but it's written all over his stricken face. "why didn't you tell me?" jihoon shrugs and doesn't help when he says, "well, that'd defeat the whole secret aspect." "oh, so you can help, but i can't?" mingyu snaps, and it seems like jihoon finally realizes the extent of mingyu's mood because he doesn't say anything when you usher your boyfriend out the door. "why didn't you tell me?" he asks again, a hint of a whine pushing through. "i can write lyrics. or listen and give feedback. i've written songs before, too, y'know—" you put on a hand on his chest, and he swallows back his words, though you know he's dying to make his case. "why didn't you tell me?" "they told me i couldn't tell anyone," you say, apologetically. "they explicitly said not to tell you." he pouts. "i tell you all of my projects..." he mumbles, but he gets it — professional contracts come first.

SEUNGKWAN: he always makes sure that you're taking care of yourself, which includes getting all your vitamins and having enough energy to get through the day. one of the ways he does this is packing you lunch once in a while, and you've learned to accept it without protest, even if you feel like he's overextending himself. he makes good food! it's just...it's rare, but there's this one dish that he makes with soondae and you're not really a fan. you've never mentioned it because the topic never came up, and you were going to say something about it when it first appeared in your lunchbox, but he was so proud of it, saying that it's a recipe he developed himself and he was so excited for you to try it. how could you dash his hopes like that? but you know who likes soondae? mingyu. you develop a secret exchange that works for a while: your soondae for one of mingyu's proteins, and you're in the middle of this switch when seungkwan walks in and catches you red handed. mingyu looks between the two of you, takes his chopsticks in his mouth, and hurries out of the room. the last incriminating piece of soondae sits in your lunch container. "...why didn't you tell me?" you wince. he's not mad, just disappointed, and you're not sure which breaks your heart more. "you could've just said you don't like my cooking. i can take it." oh, and there's the pout. you're quick to hop to his side. "no, no, i like your cooking! it's that one dish, i swear! i didn't — i promise i eat everything else."

[bones4thecats]

Can I please ask for Thor Poseidon Beelzebub and Loki with kianna but how would they react to her randomly disappearing from Valhalla just for a month later to come back covered in blood and injuries after finishing the job

most of it to her blood but the rest is the makami brothers after finding out they also responsible for her sister's death

How would they react to that and her not telling them anything

A/N: My ideas kept stopping and rolling at once, so this may be kinda blocky at some points. Anyways, enjoy~~

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🌩️ He liked knowing where you were, so when he heard from one of the guards that you had left and not returned, he sent many on a quest to find you

🌩️ But when they came back empty-handed, he worried even more

🌩️ Thor would be more irritable and quiet

🌩️ When you returned with so many cuts and bruises against you with the news that you finally avenged Yui, he sighed

🌩️ He knew you were driven to avenge her, but this was too far, he could’ve done this for you

🌩️ Once you healed, he made sure to erase any documents of the Mukami brothers from history, not wanting them to be identified or you to reflect after forgetting about those scumbags

🌩️ He was upset you left without telling him where you were going, but after a long talk, he eventually understood

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🔱 Upset didn’t even begin with what he was feeling

🔱 He was beyond livid

🔱 Poseidon did not like you being to far from him, as he has extreme issues with not knowing what you were doing

🔱 So when you came back drenched in blood and cuts, he glared at you before ordering the servants to get you cleaned up as soon as possible

🔱 After you were cleaned and healed, he was scolding you for leaving without ever speaking to him, it hurt the trust he and you built over the few years of being together

🔱 He doesn't understand the need for revenge when it comes to Yui, it’s not like it reverses the effects

🔱 But, he eventually puts it behind and tries gaining the same amount of trust you once had

🔱 During your month away, Poseidon grew to realize how much he cared about you, and while he may deny it, he was truly concerned for your well-being

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🪰 No, just no.

🪰 There is no way you left his district without him knowing

🪰 He had cameras everywhere just in case an experiment escaped, so when he saw you leaving, he assumed you were coming back

🪰 But when you didn’t, he got really pissed

🪰 And depressed, but mainly pissed

🪰 You left him without speaking to him! What if you got hurt?! He wouldn’t know where you were!

🪰 Beelzebub sat in his laboratory, rocking himself back and forth as you were gone, no motivation going into his work, his brain focusing on you and where in Valhalla you were

🪰 Once you returned into his arms, he yelled at you with bottled up sadness and anger

🪰 When he calmed down and began listening to your reasoning for absence, he could understand, revenge was something you really wanted 

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🐍 Oh how mad was he?

🐍 Loki did not like to be alone, and everyone knew that

🐍 He thrived off of being around people, mostly to mess with them, but still! He liked being around people when he wanted

🐍 And you were his favorite person, despite your distant personality

🐍 When he came home and discovered you had left without notifying him, he got mad

🐍 Oh who am I fooling? He got PISSED

🐍 And you know it’s bad when I bolden and and italics

🐍 Anybody within a 5 mile radius could feel his deep and dark aura radiating off his body

🐍 While you were gone for the month, he was worrying, crying, and breaking stuff

🐍 When he never played any pranks on Zeus or Thor, everyone knew something was off with the God of Mischief, it wasn’t like him to pass off these opportunities

🐍 Hearing your familiar footsteps enter his house made him run towards you and start bombarding you with questions

🐍 It took a while, but once he fully understood why you left, he felt his heart both skip beats and rush

🐍 His little S/O, so innocent looking, yet so deadly~

[joe-spookyy]

nothing makes me more evil than seeing someone misinterpret daniel “oz” osbourne of buffy the vampire slayer fame. this is deeply unfortunate because it seems to be all everyone knows how to do. the amount of people i’ve seen dogging on him for things he did not even have control over is crazy. if you have issues with him read on. he’s the best character and i will die on that hill, so fight me on this one. i dare you. season 4 spoilers under the cut sorry to my friends. also him and tara could have been best friends but this isn’t really about her. just had to say it.

FIRST of all. he did not cheat on willow. veruca took advantage of him. i don’t even get how there’s grey area there - it’s clear that in both situations the wolf has control over oz, but not over veruca. so not only was HE not choosing to have sex with her or even aware that he was doing it, but SHE was aware and was taking advantage of him. this is not in ANY way his fault??? now yeah. he coulda been a little more defensive about himself when he was talking to willow and buffy but it’s oz. he’s already worried about hurting people when he’s a werewolf. if everyone’s telling him he’s bad and wrong for this he’s gonna believe it even if it isn’t true. and he didn’t have to scram and go full no contact after that. but again. he was SCARED! he didn’t wanna hurt willow any more than he already had. he made a snap decision based on what he felt he HAD to do. and if you’re one of the people who says just because he brought veruca into the cage that means he Wanted her to do that to him. i am going to get you. that’s victim blaming. he just wanted to make sure she didn’t KILL anyone. it makes sense that he would pick risking her taking advantage of him again over letting people die. did he handle it perfectly? no. that does not mean he wanted her to do all that. he loves willow and says that so many times explicitly. literally left to make sure he was good enough for her. he did not want veruca. jesus.

and SECOND. even worse is the people who are saying he comes across as homophobic for having a negative reaction to finding out about willow and tara. like. hello. did we watch the same scene. not once does he say anything negative about the fact that they’re both girls. he’s clearly just upset that willow didn’t tell him she was involved with anyone else, and with his whole new controlling the wolf thing, there’s gonna be a lot of pent up emotion and probably anger. so when he got extra upset when tara wouldn’t tell him anything more and eventually ended up wolfing out, it’s clear that it’s because he’s upset that he trusted willow but she didn’t give him all the information about where she was at and whether or not he had a chance with her again. which makes sense from her perspective of course, and tara’s reaction was valid too, but we can’t act like he suddenly hates gay people just cause he got mad that someone he cares about wasn’t totally honest with him. and he warns tara so he doesn’t end up hurting her by accident. and at the end of the episode all he wants to know is whether willow is happy. and she is. and so he’s happy for her and accepts it. i don’t even know how people are getting any other perception of the situation. god. sorry.

big idea is if you think oz is in the wrong for either of these i am going to hunt you down and beat you up evil style and maybe sit you down and have a talk about media literacy.

[crownmemes]

House Sentences, Vol. 9

(Sentences from House (2004-2012). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Is that a favour to me or to you?"

"I said no, so stop asking me!"

"You're too much of a nice boy. Let's let the bad boy out for a bit!"

"I like being alone - at least, I convince myself that I'm better off that way."

"We're better off alone. We suffer alone. We die alone."

"If there's any chance that we can pretend this never happened, I'd be completely fine with that."

"Why the hell were you naked in the kitchen?"

"You know what happens when you interfere in other people's relationships?"

"I know you're worried about me, and I also know that that kind of unselfishness doesn't come naturally to you, but I don't want your help."

"I should have known that you weren't done sabotaging this."

"Well, at least you're actually taking responsibility for once in your life."

"You're successful, smart, and you attract everything that moves."

"You present yourself as not giving a damn about other people's emotions, but your actions indicate otherwise."

"I told you that I wanted to be happy, and I followed your advice. And instead, I'm just miserable."

"Whatever the answer is, you don't have it."

"I don't love you, so just accept it and move on with your life instead of making everyone miserable!"

"I love you. I wish I didn't, but I can't help it."

"Why do you have to analyze things to death? Why can't you just let it be nice?"

"I know you're screwed up - I know you are always gonna be screwed up - but you're the most incredible man I've ever known."

"It means a lot that you respect me enough to do this."

"Just to be clear, this whole little act isn't gonna work. I need an apology. Not flattery."

"I've come to realize that I love you even more than I thought I did."

"You led me into temptation, and I followed."

"If everybody lies, then trust is not only unfounded and pointless, it's fictional."

"Did you sedate my mother?"

"There's nothing worse than loving someone who's never going to stop disappointing you."

"You know, you turned out remarkably close to normal, considering the genes in play."

"I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view!"

"You're really not good with nuance, are you?"

"If you're going to dress like an Italian hooker, at least let it be this year's Italian hooker."

"If you didn't want to be insulted, you wouldn't have invited me."

"If you're emotionally invested, you cannot make rational decisions."

"You lied to me and betrayed me. Do you think I really care what you consider a good idea anymore?"

"You know, I've got to tell you, there is bossy - which can be sexy - and then there's bitchy."

"Can I ask you a question? Are you insane or just stupid?"

"Haven't you ever done something in a relationship you wish you could take back?"

"I used to think the whole brooding thing was just part of your work persona, but now I know you need to lighten up."

"If I had to choose between saving everyone, and loving you and being happy, I would choose you. I choose being happy with you."

"You choose yourself over everybody else over and over again, because that's just who you are."

"So, you don't want to just avoid the issue? You want to avoid avoiding the issue?"

"When things go wrong, I don't want to hope that I'm not alone."

"Why don't you move back in with me? At least until you get back on track."

"What an ego. You think you're some sort of emotional paragon? You're my rock?"

[suzukiblu]

Hello all, I am honestly not even sure how long it's been since I've really talked to anyone online and I'm very sorry for just straight-up ghosting so many of you, but I'm trying to work on resuming my life and reconnecting with people a bit and especially trying to start picking up all of the commitments I've let myself drop in the past year or two.

Full disclosure, I've been having a bad time mentally for quite a while and just haven't been available to anyone in my life, online or off. I'm really sorry to have stressed people out with that because I know I did worry a few of you. I'm just not all here, to be honest, and I haven't handled it well. I'm having some personal struggles and just not doing my best taking care of the resulting issues--it's not anything trauma-based/triggered, it's more along the lines of problems with in-built psychological issues stemming from chemical imbalances that I just don't always manage as effectively as I could. But I'm not physically ill and haven't been in an accident or anything like that, and I'm trying to re-engage with life now. Catching up with people I owe communication/commissions/explanations to is on my list, but I just haven't managed to make it very far into said list yet. I am, however, physically healthy and in stable housing, and if anything emergency-adjacent happens I do have local friends and non-local family members I could get help from, so I'm not in an "immediate crisis" situation.

I'm just also unemployed, out of money, and scraping by on food stamps and state-issued healthcare that doesn't cover my previous psychiatrist, and I haven't been able to find a new one in-network who's taking patients and actually, like . . . calls me back when I leave a message or email them in interest of making an appointment. I'm signed up with a program that can help me get a job, hopefully, but the process is taking a little while and I'm not sure how long it'll take in the end, so the future is very nebulous at the moment.

And like . . . VERY full disclosure, I'm just very depressed and stuck being off my meds for the forseeable future. My room is a mess I can't bring myself to clean up, I feel like I can't engage meaningfully with a lot of things, I don't feel hopeful or optimistic at all, my emotional responses are all heavily muted, my coping mechanisms are avoiding breakdowns but are not long-term helpful or productive, and I'm neglecting a lot of people and things in my life and my own best interests because I just . . . don't care.

I know my situation and my feelings are largely just because I'm going through a major depressive phase unmedicated and with limited personal resources, it's not an end of the world scenario or anything. It's just been difficult and upsetting trying to find ways and motivation to fix my life and get out of that phase when I'm already feeling sunk in a quagmire and like I did all this to myself with my own mistakes, and I'm just trying to take things one step at a time and build back up from where I'm at.

So long story short: I'm not doing great right now but I'm stable, and I greatly appreciate the concern and grace I've been given while being just entirely off radar and am going to be doing my best to make right or make up for the neglect. If anyone wants or needs to check in on anything I owe them, please feel free to message me and ask; I'll be trying to contact everyone I owe anything to but given the brain-fog I've been dealing with I don't trust myself not to miss anybody in there, so believe me, if you feel the need I will in no way be offended and you'd probably be doing me a favor anyway.

Thank you all, you've all been so good to me over the years. I'll hopefully be in touch soon. ❤

[thekpopgossip]

HYBE and Min Hee Jin Round 3...

Things are getting really messy between HYBE and ADOR CEO Min Hee Jin, who is getting sued by her employer. She did a press conference today, playing the victim and showing her bruised ego (which seems to be the main cause of this whole fiasco). It was embarrassing to the point of me feeling bad for her lawyer, who tried to stop her from talking nonsense and hurling insults at everyone.

Apparanetley her trying to go independent and backstabbing HYBE, while simultaneously accusing all the sub-labels of copying her ideas, wasn't bad enough, we now know she really is dumb trusting shamans to advise her on business deals. She was crying during the press-con saying: “I feel like they all want me to die. If I suddenly die, will everyone be happy? That’s honestly what I think. I don’t read all the articles and comments. If I do, I can’t live. I wonder if anyone can handle this much distress in a short period of time.” She added, “I am also human, and it’s not confirmed that I’m guilty. I think I’m innocent.” Mind you, she caused all this mess herself and is now getting sued by HYBE who will likely destroy her.

To this point, HYBE is not innocent in this debacle either, they gave her a label, gave her 20 % company shares, gave her Source Music trainees, gave her free control over NewJeans and are now also acting like victims. Those guys enabled her behavior and are now surprised she would try to go independent. Min Hee Jin also addressed some HYBE accusations, like her saying BTS copied her ideas. “Everything that HYBE is saying is a lie. I’ve never said BTS copied me. I want to ask HYBE why they made everything like this and try to ruin me”. Because you tried to go against the company?

I believe that part though, HYBE is playing dirty games here trying to get every fandom to attack her, but again, she caused this herself, when she publicly stated that ILLIT was a copy of NewJeans (which is true, but you don't say that ish out loud).

She also said, she had nothing to do with Source Music disbanding G-Friend, which I also believe. That was a money decision, they wanted a new group that could become a million seller, so LE SSERAFIM was born, and since BTS was going on army hiatus, they needed new groups quick to fill the void. However, pedo Min Hee Jin wouldn't be herself without also mentioning that NJ Minji was the only Source Music trainee she liked (the others were too old), and that she was even prettier when she was younger. She makes it so easy to hate her. MHJ was also majorly pissed that LE SSERAFIM debuted before NewJeans, which became a huge issue internally in the company.

In the press-con she also repeatedly called herself the mother of NewJeans, and that she gave birth to the group. “NewJeans and I have something more than what you would know. They always tell me that they thank me and love me. Hanni told me that she’d come over to me. Haerin is usually like a cat and doesn’t speak a lot, but she called me and told me that she couldn’t come up with the words to text me. She said that she just wanted to hear my voice. Haerin cried for 20 whole minutes” Min bursts into tears. “She told me that she thanks me so much because I helped her through hard times. She said that she wants to tell everyone what happened. The members’ mothers are so worried that I’m going to kill myself. But why would I? I’m going to say everything that I have in my heart. Do you know what Park Ji-won said to the mothers? He said that he’s not going to talk to them, just to ADOR. And they say that they care about NewJeans? I don’t care whether they sue me for libel.” - She's so fucking creepy, as if she didn't make the girls sing "Cookie".

She also went full egomaniac, saying: “It’s not me that turned my back on HYBE, it’s HYBE that betrayed me. It used me to the fullest and now wants to take me down because I don’t listen to them. No one has done what I have done during the 30 years in K-pop. But HYBE is trying to kill someone who’s done what I have as the head of a subsidiary. I’m the only one in the history of the entertainment industry to have reached such results in 2 years, my only crime is being good at my own job.”

At this point, I just feel bad for the idols and staff caught in between all this. HYBE is greedy and wanted their own NewJeans and MHJ tried to backstab her own bosses - now things are falling apart. NJ has a comeback in May too, no idea how this will end for them and whether they will stay at HYBE or go with "mom" MHJ.

[signedkoko]

hello! i would like a hazbin hotel matchup pls

ima straight woman, my mbti is estp and ima aquarius sun virgo moon and cancer rising if that means anythin to u lmao

im 5'0 (sadly 😭) and i have long wavy black hair w red streaks, i usually straighten it tho. idrk how to describe my style but if i had to id say like the stereotypical y2k grunge girl look (think tara yummy) im also rly into makeup n wear eyeshadow n big ass lashes like everyday 

im kinda all over the place personality wise, but most of the time im rly energetic and always making jokes n laughing, i also love partying n going out but i need to have sum time at home too or else i get burnt tf out, im always there for the ppl i care abt even if we aint that close if someone ever comes to me for advice or anythin i always help as much as i can, i also am very very anxious but i usually keep it underwraps unless somethin triggers it and i also have a lottt of trust issues n lowkey be thinkin everyone out to get me sumtimes

i honestly dont have a lot of interests, i rly love music fashion n makeup tho, i take any excuse i can to dress myself up even if i aint goin nowhere, i listen to almost any type of music but my favs are the weeknd, lana del rey, rob zombie, and stunna girl

in a relationship im also pretty all over the place, i love very intensely n i overthink a lot n need a lot of reassurance but i tend to focus on my partners needs a lot more than mine, but if my partner brings it up i wont lie to them n if the overthinking gets rly bad to the point i cant ignore it ill bring it up, im also very clingy n always wanna be w my partner or talkin to them in sum way, im very thoughtful n love spoiling my partner w affection n gifts (usually homemade cuz im broke 💀)

ik this is rly long i tried my best to make it as short as possible mb 😭 but i hope u have a great day n thank u for doing my request :)

You got…Lucifer!

No need to worry about height because you are both the same! If not an inch or two apart, His hat, fortunately, makes it seem like he's the taller of the two of you.

Lucifer is very...fashionable? Man himself, so he really likes seeing the time you put into your outfits. They are a lot less crisp and white than his, but what's more interesting than things he isn't? Your make-up is a lot more mature than his, though, so you have two completely different dressing and makeup areas so as not to mix up his bright colours with your shadowy palettes.

When it comes to people, he has plenty of trust issues. After his wife left him without much explanation, followed by his descent into depression, it takes a lot for him to really be open to people. This made a lot of your relationship-building quite awkward, which in turn made it funny.

He loves your laugh, and he's glad you enjoy jokes because he really has way too many to count! He's got a pun for every letter in the alphabet. Even if it isn't appropriate, if it means cheering you up, he will go to some crazy lengths. He loves it when you laugh at his jokes, and he will definitely get competitive with anyone who tries to compete.

Lucifer really could use your advice, and in turn, he has a lot of wisdom. Some of your longest conversations are those where you both sit in a quiet, dark place after a long day and share feelings, worries, and solutions. He's lived a long life and seen almost everything the world has to offer, and if you ask him for a taste of his knowledge, he is absolutely thrilled that he can be of use to you.

Dedication is what he feels. Lucifer has every love language and accepts any at all in return; he has everything in his grasp, so what you want is all yours. The fact that you are clingy is just a plus, because it assures him that you do actually love him and that he does actually get to enjoy his days with you.

Any homemade gifts you make are met with utter delight. All he does these days is craft rubber ducks, so you are free to venture into his workshop and use what you need to make your items. Lucifer believes what is made by an individual is the most vulnerable gift to give. 

Expect a lot of fast, loving emotions and busy days every day! Lucifer will make you feel loved and special, and he will make sure you smile at least once a day in his company.

Author’s Note - Your runner up was Valentino! But if you ask me, Lucifer is a much better bet.

[feelingdeath]

The last one (for a while)

I have zero drafts now, fewish followers, and this is going to be my 385th post.

I am logging off of tumblr, for a good bit. I did think about deleting my account, but i have people on here that i care about and who care about me (also i remember when @doritosaftersex deactivated his account and i felt bad). So instead ill come back in maybe a few months or years, or maybe never depends on well lol if i actually kms. Although don't worry i really doubt i have the time or energy for that. Before i go though i lowkey realised that i haven't ever spoken about like the well other side of me. The parts that i don't tumblr about. So here's this post- an Introduction and a Good-Bye.

My name's Piki, and that's me in the pfp { One of the good days}.

i like cats. (I think most people would start off like that).

M a living cliche and also a hypocrite cos i hate cliches and i literally wanna do something different, but oops =).

I have been in two relationships, second one going on right now, been over six months (and i think this is the last one because i might marry him [ totally will] and i couldn't ask for anyone more better).

I think I am an extrovert ? I don't really know. Making tumble mutuals was so hard for me i literally have only one ( @mqstermindswift ).

i like cyanide, the color and the song and the vibe. (My favourite artists are The Chainsmokers, Linkin Park, MGK, OH AND JAKEHILL [i love jake hill])

I like Italian food and will. eat. anything. that has cheese. I am kinda vegetarian though, i don't like the idea of eating an animal who probably had a family but i absolutely HATE animals as a whole (ref to point 3 about me being a hypocrite)

I hate everyone and everything, the first thing that i said to morphi and it also got me my nickname piki - which means m picky about everything.

i also love doing everything (fk m confusing). i dance, and love to cook, and i draw really well, and i can play the guitar, i learnt the violin nd the piano too a bit, i like debating a lot, and volunteering for things.

On the surface my life seems great, but then comes the well the stuff- i mean clearly it would take you a few scrolls across my blog to see how er bad it really gets but well-

I might have bpd? i am not sure.

i feel terribly lonely sometimes and also inferior to everyone around me.

my parents are not the greatest people out there. they both have done stuff that well i wont type it out here of course, but its bad.

the above thing dig this really deep pit of trust issues and well now i believe in tragedies more than hope ( morphi hates that but he'll get it once he knows)

i have tried to km, when i was younger. And if i had a penny for everytime i thought about killing myself elon musk and i would be homies.

i am really gorey, and i like horror movies and the gore and CNC and stuff.

i cant open up. too many expectations.

i get really low sometimes and i end up saying stuff or doing stuff and i don't particularly remember why or what i did, and so i poof (another thing morphi hates).

i hurt myself a lot which probably comes from point 6.

Sounds like two different people now. There is SO MUCH i haven't told about me, but if you have even like read this at all. M lowkey impressed. I am not going to go in and fix my spelling mistakes and capitalisation so go figure.

OKAY GOODBYE.

[kimmimaru]

So, probably a bit TMI (mentions of mental health) for random internet strangers but oh well. I'm sticking it under a cut for people who don't care lol.

So, I've been having a...difficult time lately. I'll keep it simple and just say I'm struggling pretty bad with personal shit. Anyway, I was considering looking into counselling but the NHS no longer fund talking therapy, it's only CBT and stuff which is helpful but not what I need. So I'd have to pay through the nose. And even if I could afford it I've only been able to find 1 single person in my entire town who specialises in treating autistic people. There may be more but honestly I have no idea where to even begin looking. Also like there's loads of groups for older people and people with toddlers but nothing for parents of older kids, groups for the parents I mean. I struggle very badly with making friends and talking to people, I'm awkward as fuck and have no idea how to socialise. Unfortunately I'm not a child so don't have anywhere to go to meet people like me. It's hard to make friends when neurotypicals have an instinctual dislike of autistic people (ok not everyone but apparently they can identify people as 'weird' without even speaking to them and generally tend to avoid us). Sorry, I did say this was probably TMI, but I'm just so fucking lonely and so stressed I'm having heart palpitations. I'm not sleeping either and unfortunately I don't have anyone to actually talk to about it so this is why I'm posting this here. Its at least just getting it all off my chest, even if it's not a long term solution maybe it'll be enough to actually help me get some sleep tonight. My mum was the person I talked to about all this shit, the only one I felt I could actually confide in and she's gone. I have family but they're busy with their own lives and tbh...I never felt like they ever really got me. My dad's a very closed off man, not in a cold way, he was always affectionate but he and my mum got divorced a long time ago and since then I've never felt able to talk to him about deep stuff. I suppose it's something to do with broken trust and all that crap. My sisters are way too busy and have their own problems and lives and my only brother is a lot older than me and far away. They all love me and care about me, I have never doubted it but none of them are neurodivergent. They don't understand me really and never have (that's not a self pitying 'oh woe is me' it's just a fact). It's a very weird feeling to be surrounded by people who love you but knowing they just don't get you. I am extremely aware that people would kill to have what I do, a big, loving family and they try really hard to understand and help but sometimes you just need more weirdos like you who see the world the same way and have the same kind of issues you do. What I want is a day. Just one single fucking day where I can just do what I need to do around the house without just staring at it for hours before I work up the spoons to do it. I want one day where I can actually do something creative as I've lost my drive (probably temporary, depression usually has the opposite affect on me and I write MORE when I'm depressed for some reason). I want to play with my daughter without constantly worrying about if she'll eat something other than junk food (she's an extremely picky eater), or is she'll take a bath without a fight or if she'll actually drink something for a change (yes, we are in contact with doctors about all this, it's just an extremely slow process). I want to wake up and not be exhausted for a change, I want to not be in constant pain for no fucking reason (chronic fatigue...yay). I want to not spend my days unable to focus on anything, to not be constantly disassociating because my stupid brain can't cope with too much sensory input. I am exhausted, I'm grieving and I just want to be normal for a fucking change. Anyway, it's all a lot more complicated than what I've written and it's very unlikely this makes any sense at all. But I needed to write it down, to tell someone, somewhere just so I can stop obsessing over all these thoughts. Maybe now I can sleep.

[beardedmrbean]

My ex is getting involved with a psycho. Let me just start off by saying I am not calling her that out of jealousy, I do not want to get back with him, ew. I will explain why I'm calling her that in a bit. Due to some money issues I'm currently staying at a place that doesn't allow pets so my ex is caring for my cats for me and so I see him on the regular, which is how this effects me. Plus I'm the one he vents to when things go south which is how I know the things I do. About a month ago he broke up with his girlfriend of four years because he snuck into her phone and found out that she had been sleeping with at least 3 other people for at least 9 months, and I say "at least" because in his words, he didn't take long to get to the point where he didn't want to investigate further. He went absolutely apeshit, got kicked out of two bars that night, assaulted people, broke the TV, etc. which, she'd been gaslighting him for months making him think he's crazy and paranoid when in reality things were actually worse than he believed. so I give him a pass on that I think he actually took it rather well considering everything. He started getting into coke again once this "paranoia" started up and got really really close to the coke dealer. Who was a friend before but now… he's fucked her more than once and has spent consecutive nights at her house. He's not dating her, he keeps saying he can't date her, but he's getting involved. Maybe he's seeing this as a fuck buddy situation but I'm worried it's going to get to the point where she doesn't. This is why I call her psycho. A few years back she turned on me and threatened me for fucking her over on a deal that I never made and didn't even know about until she called me demanding money. It turned out she was mixing me up with someone else but she never chilled about it. She stalks people and I know this because she bragged about it like it was nbd. And called me a shit friend when I refused to help her with it. When we were still married on more than one occasion she came banging on our door in the middle of the night freaking out over nonissues. A few years back when her boyfriend broke up with her she was talking to me and one of the other girls at the bar about making a pipe bomb and setting it off at his work to get him in trouble and I'm sorry there are some things you just don't joke about, and while my ex thinks it's nbd I know her well enough to know that's a joke until it's not. My ex and I split for good reason but I do not want him to suffer. She is going to turn on him, there is no "if" about it, this is a "when" situation. I do have to give her credit she's a faithful girlfriend so in that regard he is taking a step up, but I'm worried what she will do when she inevitably turns on him. I don't want him to suffer and I absolutely do not want my cats to be endangered because his stupid decisions caused a volatile situation before I have a chance to get them back (and unfortunately the only other people that can take them in are 1000 miles away so not an option, and I'm not taking my babies to a shelter I do not trust them). I don't know what to do…?

just as an fyi I have already brought all this up to him I literally called him stupid and crazy and his response was "yeah" so we already both know how I feel about this and both know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is a really bad idea.

I'm gonna throw this out to the community to see if they've got anything, and I'm not going to colour it with my thoughts so everyone can go in clean.

I'll do a thing with a response by itself I think

[linawritestwst]

Ah! Congrats on 1k! I'm so happy for you! Here's to many more! 💙

I'd like a matchup, but if you get too overwhelmed, scrap mine and do a different one, I promise I'll be okay 😂

Pronouns are she/her, mbti INTJ and Zodiac is Libra.

Personality : I like to joke that the only personality I have left is "tired" 😂 But other things about me are, I'm a little wary of new people, but once you're in I'm ridiculously loyal (like a cat). I take care of everyone before myself. Think mom friend. I'm kind of a nerd....(don't look at my blog it'll out me as a huge nerd, just trust me) . My only hobbies right now are writing and video games, but I have a "secret" past as a reader, and a theatre kid. I have been described as "the darkest lightest person I've ever met" "if you were a puppy at a shelter, I'd adopt you" and "you got that fae vibe, like if I give you my name or say the wrong thing, you'll own my soul." I can't make decisions and have memory issues. I like dragons too much, and I hope to one day afford to dress like a well educated pirate, who still pillages the village, but waxes on about the state of humanity as she drinks chamomile tea. A pirate witchy dark princess vibe, you know?(idk if that helps 😂)

What I need in a partner/don't need:

I am heavily introverted and socially anxious...but I only make friends when an extrovert just adopts me. So I probably need an extrovert, or an assertive introvert.

Imy love language (receiving) is quality time and words of affirmation, and (giving) gift giving and words of affirmation.

I have lots of texture issues, so maybe someone who's not super touchy. They can be a little touchy, though, since this is fictional.

Someone not to loud too. I get panic attacks when startled, and cry around loud noises sometimes. (Oh my God, I'm literally a rabbit 😭)

Silly things about me for if you are having writers block: I'm 5'3 1/4", I have been told I have the worst handwriting in the world, I am known for tripping over nothing, I don't sit still for long, I get distracted by shiny things and cats, I hate to be warm, and love the cold, my friend and I write modern comedy adaptations of Shakespeare, and other literature.

Hope this is enough. Again, congratulations!!!!!!!!!!

thank you so much!! 🥺💖💞 i hope you like your matchup <3

the character that i think would be a good partner for you is..

malleus draconia!

now, this one might seem obvious or predictable because of your pfp but!! i really do think you and malleus would be a cute couple!!

i'll explain why i chose him:

okay, yeah, malleus would definitely appreciate having a loyal partner. your kindness is one of the many reasons why he loves you, but he'd want you to take care of yourself too though :( and don't worry about being a nerd!! he's a nerd too!! have you seen how his eyes light up whenever gargoyles are mentioned?? and he would love to know more about your interests, he doesn't think they're "boring" or "weird" at all!

oh, this man would want to protect you from everything so bad. he's surely intrigued by that mysterious energy you have, but he still focuses more on that soft and cute puppy vibe. because come on, he's malleus draconia, he's the one with the dark fae energy here HJSHJNDJDJD. and you liking dragons makes him so happy because it means you most likely won't find his dragon form scary! also i find it cute to imagine you two sharing a braincell because i think it's not that easy for malleus to make decisions sometimes, haha. though he would probably wait for you to decide, because he just really wants to agree with you and go "!! you're right!! we're gonna go with this option then :)" so take your time, don't worry, he's very patient when it comes to you at least

i don't think that malleus is that extroverted, but he would probably be a more assertive kind of introvert when you're around. and i think malleus is sort of.. "forced" to be an introvert? considering that he wants to socialize, make friends and attend parties and events, but he doesn't always have the opportunity.. also, he just gets that protective instinct when he sees you, so yeah, you're adopted now. about your texture issues, malleus would make sure to respect your boundaries and even though he would love to hug you/hold your hand/etc, he doesn't want to hurt you, so he will be careful! he can express his love for you in other ways too :) and he's not the loudest kind of person, so you don't have to worry about that either!

[homo-rashi]

Roommates (Original Work) Ch 3.

The Favor (contains Omorashi)

Read it on my Ao3 here: Link

“That is so totally unfair!” August lays his head back into the plush cushion of the green common room sectional,

“You're right! It's totally not fair! You try being woken up three times a night by fourteen-year-old freshman who can't sleep and still wet the be-” Rowans eyes widen when August visibly tenses at his words. August tries not to look uncomfortable at the mention of anyone wetting the bed but clearly, that didn't work. “Sorry, What I mean is, It's fair to whoever would have been my roommate! Since I'm bunking alone, nobody else has to be bothered by my duties as an RA.”

“But you have your own room! You don't have to deal with a Max…” August brushes past the awkwardness, his need to complain about his last few night living with what he can only describe as a ‘caricature of an American bad boy’

“I have to deal with all thirty of my freshmen dealing with their own ‘Max’. Do you know how many physical fights I’ve had to break up already?” August shrugs, thinking about Rowan having to pull two Freshman off each other like two chihuahuas.

“If Max tried to actually fight me, I'd be a goner.” August thinks out loud. Max is taller than him by a good few inches. He definitely seems like he has more experience, just from the way he talks and acts and looks…

“Well yeah, he’s a whole year older than-” Rowan pauses picking at the bowl of half eaten popcorn in his lap, “Fuck, pretend I didn't just say that.” August immediately cannot pretend he did not just say that.

“Am I the only sophomore rooming with a junior? Why? Would that be a good enough reason to put in a roommate change request?” August immediately has his mind racing with possibility. The faint dream he had in his head of getting a roommate who was a gentle, queer, sciency guy who really liked plants and made their dorm room feel alive and wears little patterned socks with corduroy overalls, flutters in his stomach. The exact opposite of Max. His wardrobe is seemingly all black beside his school uniform. The room is decorated with monster cans and vape residue rather than carefully tended to greenery, and instead of waking up to sunlight, August has woken up to the RGB lights on Max's computer cycling randomly through what he calls ‘disco mode.’

“Max is a sophomore…He just was held back in seventh grade.” August mouth falls into a little oh shape, that makes sense for some reason. He doesn't seem like the type to actually care about school, Not that August really cares all that much, He finds it easy and studying relaxing. A good combo generally when it comes to academics.

“How do you know this? Does being an RA give you like…access to our files???” August asks, suddenly worried that Rowan knows about his water issue and the fact that he has been seeing a shrink since he was 10. Not that either of those things are less embarrassing then everything else he knows at this point, but he would like to keep some things private if possible.

“Oh god, no no no! I wish! I just went to the same middle school as him. He transferred into the class above me in the middle of his seventh year. Everyone thought he was so cool because we were poor public school kids and he was this bad boy private school guy. My friends all had a big crush on him until the next year when we ended up in the same class as him because he flunked or something…I don't really- Listen we have an understanding with each other, I don't tell anyone about that and he doesn't tell anyone that before last year I was a girl called Riley.” Rowan says the last part under his breath, even though They are the only two people in the common room at the moment.

“Is he really holding up his end of the bargain if he called you ‘manboobs’ to my face?” August frowns slightly, feeling like Rowan is getting the short end of the stick in this situation. Trusting someone like Max to keep a secret so big, that you're trans, is way different than a nice person like Rowan keeping the lid on the fact he did bad at multiplication in middle school…

“You probably won't get this but at the end of the day, in my eyes,at least he is calling me a man. I have been called way worse things by way worse guys” That doesn't make August feel any better,

“I-yeah, I don't get it because I'm not out to anyone really, except my Dad and that's only a recent thing…” August wants to help, but has no idea how. He isn't trans. He has never questioned his gender, He has never had a reason too. Of course he knows Trans people exist, but he has never known a trans person on a personal level before, and heard first hand what their struggles are.

“Wait? Really! That's great August! When did you tell him, how did it go???” August smiles slightly at Rowan’s sudden excitement. Seeing him smile after talking about Max for the past hours makes him realize how hyper focused on the whole roommate situation he has been, and that possibly Max isn't a great topic for Rowan.

- Beeeeeeep -

“Well,” August gets up at the sound of the washer finishing its last spin cycle, Rowan idly follows him into the laundry room, “My Mom and Dad just got divorced, or are getting divorced and when my dad found out that my mom…Cheated, He sat me down and was telling me all about how when I get married, and find a wife, or when I get my first girlfriend, going on and on about How I should not let what my mom did affect how I see my relationships with women…So” August pauses to start the loud dryer he just shoved his sheets into, this time having washed them first, thankfully.

“I just nonchalauntly corrected him when he brought up my future wife, by saying ‘or husband.” August smiles recalling the interaction, how his dad mirrored his words ‘or husband’ to which August replied, "definitely husband.”

“And that was it? He took it well?” Rowan asks, smiling wide

“I mean, We didn't talk about it at all after…but he didn't get mad so, yeah I'd say he took it well. What about you? Are your parents cool with…?” August asks, keeping his question vague seeing a group of guys walk past the laundry room door.

“Wanna go to my room? I don't think anyone is gonna actually steal your stuff, for the record.” August nods, admittedly, he has been curious about what Rowan's room actually looks like, being a single and all.

* * * Rowan’s room isn't that different from August's room except for two things. The first being everything is more open and spacious. The bed isn't lofted, instead being at a normal height and the tall wardrobe is replaced with a long dresser with a mirror hanging above it.

The second difference August immediately noticed in the inconspicuous door on the far left of the room that's slightly ajar revealing a private en-suite bathroom.

“You have your own bathroom? What about the one the teachers let you use?” August looks at Rowan, who is leaning down and pulling out two bottles of water from their red retro looking mini fridge.

“That was last year, when I wasn't an RA…why do you think I even applied to be an RA in the first place.” Rowan quirks an eyebrow up with a smirk. August takes the water bottle from him and takes a seat in Rowan’s desk chair adorned with a fluffy blanket.

“You asked me about my parents…” Rowan gets the topic back on track. August set his attention back to Rowan and not how incredibly jealous he is about the room situation. “I don't like anyone knowing that I'm the way that I am…but of course they had to know because they are my parents. It's just-” Rowan hesitates, August feels like what he is trying to say is difficult, so he lets him take his time.

“You don't have to tell me if it's hard to talk about…I know these things can be tough.” August offers him an out,

“That's the thing. My parents were so supportive! They were perfect! I-I don't want to sound ungrateful because I know how privileged I am but my mom specifically made me being trans my everything…Every holiday, some gift is white, pink and blue. Every time she tells me she loves me she has to specify that I'm ‘so brave for doing this.’ That's half the reason I begged to go to boarding school, I just-”

“Wanted to be a guy, not a trans guy?” August caught onto what Rowan is saying, relating to it in a way. “I've felt that. Back home, I had some guy friends, We weren't like close, they didnt know Im gay obviously, but I always felt like they were the guys, so close with each other and I would always just be ‘the gay guy’ even if I didn't tell them, It was obvious i'm different and was treated as such even in small ways…” August doesnt know why he feels comfortable telling all of this to Rowan, but He does, so he is going with it. Anxiety be damned, opening up like this feels better than any of his therapists have ever made him feel.

“You get it. Fuck. You know, I don't feel like that with you. I don't feel like you're other-ing me.” August smiles at that. He honestly was worried he had been acting a bit weird, not fully because of the trans thing, but a little bit, mostly because of his own embarrassment. “I guess I'm glad your parents got divorced.” Rowan jokes, earning a punch in the arm from August. “It's lonely being here…or I guess, it's been lonely, maybe now it won't be.”

August mirrors the sentiment. The first few hours in his dorm alone with Max after the first day was jarring. The things he would say to whoever he was playing his online games with certainly didn't make August feel welcome And he could only hear half the conversation, He could only imagine what else was being said about ‘fags and trannys’ on the other end. Regret seeped deep into his bones regarding the decision to up and leave his Dad and come here. Not to mention waking up the next morning with wet sheets, having to deal with his mess alone with nobody to tell him they would handle it and to go take a bath, like his mom used to, Feeling for the first time since he found out what she did, the need to just have her by his side, was rough.

Today though, he had Rowan who happened to stumble upon him in the laundry room, on the brink of tears because he forgot his student card that he had just loaded with money, the last of his pocket money his dad sent him for the month, in his room. Not the end of the world, but it was just building and building. Rowan offered to pay for it and for him to go shower while everyone was still asleep, without asking any questions or giving any signs of judgment. They sat and watched a movie on mute as the sun came up waiting for the laundry to finish, picking on a bowl of popcorn somebody left in the lounge last night.

“I gotta get back before Max wakes up, I don't want to have to explain why I was doing laundry in the middle of the night.” August jumps off the bed, not really wanting to leave the safe feeling of this room.

“Do you…? have an explanation, I mean? I-I don't want to pry like it's totally none of my business but if you're sick I can help you see the nurse.”

“It's not usually this bad!…I'm just stressed. It's an anxiety thing.” August says honestly. Because it usually isn't every single night, just once or twice a week. Usually. Sometimes…if he is lucky.

“Good ole’ mental health, Anxiety, gotta love her.” Rowan says, lightening the moon. August smiles and leaves, gathering his sheets and making sure the coast is clear before darting up the stairs as quickly as possible. He can now skip two stairs if he concertrains on not falling, greatly improving his travel time.

His dorm is just as quiet and peaceful as when he left it. The one redeeming quality of Max is that he is a very sound sleeper. August manages to make his bed without Max even stirring. He jumps back into bed with no intention of falling back asleep. The quiet of the room is interrupted not even a few minutes later by a harsh vibration against the wooden desk across the room.

August watches threw half open lids Max jumping from his bed and grabbing his phone, still pretending to be asleep.

“Yo-” Max's voice sounds different, deeper and laced with concern, “no. Fuck! I thought-” August is startled by the sudden yelling, He sits up and pretends to rub his eyes, making eye contact with Max instantly. “Just stay there! Don’t move. I have a plan.” Max hangs up the phone and immediately starts rummaging through his wardrobe, shedding his Pajamas without a care in the world that another person is in the room, August looks away out of respect anyways.

“I'm calling in that favor…” Max says sliding a backpack over his left shoulder, slipping his shoes on as he speaks. “I'll explain when I'm back but you just have to go with it.” August just nods, not wanting to protest considering a. Max seems pissed and b. He does owe him for saving his ass on his first day here. Max makes his leave quickly and August is left to worry the entire morning what exactly Max is going to have him do.

* * *

It’s dark by the time Max reappears in the dorm. August had given up waiting for him and spent his day organizing his things and finally calling his dad to tell him all about how wonderful boarding school is. The lingering thought of what he was gonna have to do for Max hung over his head all day. His imagination running wild. Thought of becoming a drug mule, causing his family even more shame then his mother has when he inevitably gets caught or worse, Having to fight someone for him. He would lose instantly. He would only hope he would come out of it alive thanks to modern medicine.

So when Max walks in the door with a second backpack on his shoulder, and a short, brown haired kid holding onto his arm. August was more than a little confused.

“Go. but be quiet and don't touch anything on my friend's side.” Friend? August quirks an eyebrow at Max who motions for him to come over. “You can use my computer but don't message any of my friends.” Max says before pushing August out the door and gently closing it behind them.

“Who is that?” August asks, seriously wondering if the kid is young enough to in fact be Max’s but deciding the math just doesn't add up, even knowing he is a year older.

“What does it look like, Its my fucking little brother.” Max sounds angry, But August can see the dark circles under his eyes and smells something strange on this breath, something he recognizes-

“Are you drunk?” He asks, pulling Max closer and smelling, And yes, He reeks of booze.

“Dont fucking smell me! What the fuck! And yes but- Fuck! Just Shut up and don't ask questions. You have to let him stay here.” For being drunk, Max seems to have a grasp on what he wants, August sighs,

“Why, What happened? Why are you drunk?” August is more than a little concerned. This is not what he signed up for, nor what he expected.

“Wait till the kid falls asleep, then we can talk- He needs food.” Max shoves his hands into his pocket and pulls out a wad of crumpled up dollar bills, shoving them into August's hands.

“Go to the vending machine. It's outside by the teachers' dorms and you can get whatever would be a good dinner for a thirteen-year-old boy.” August stairs down at his hands, then at his shoeless feet. Max must notice because he quickly shoves off his sneakers before returning to the room, August hears a click of the lock.

He slides on Max’s shoes cringing at how warm and sweaty they are on his sockless feet. He makes quick work at getting to the vending machine. Of course once he gets there he realizes it only takes student cards. Luckily after this morning, he is trying to make a habit of always having it on his person. He picks out some mini pretzels and cranberry juice. It was either that or Mini Oreos and a Diet Coke and that didn't seem like all the healthy of a dinner. He hides them in his pockets and stealthily makes his way back into the dorms.

He tries the handle and of course, it's locked. He knocks gently and hears nothing behind the door. He instantly worries that this was some sort of prank and Max just wanted to lock him out so his Brother would have his bed for the night, instantly he panics at that thought, because his brother might notice his special sheet. His worry is dampened when he door clicks open, and a small head peeks out the door.

“You’re Max's friend.” The tired voice says,

“I am, Can I come back inside? I'm not supposed to be out here.” The door swings open and moments later and August walks in, kicking the foul sneaks off into Max’s side of the room, just missing a bundled up pile of blankets and his stuffed shark on the ground.

“Is that your bed?” August asks, taking the food out from his pocket and handing it to the kid, who instantly lights up and grabs at the bag of pretzels.

“Yeah, I think this is yours, Max said you wouldn't mind if I borrowed him for the night.” August smiles at the boy holding the shark in his arms as he takes a large handful of the snack, August realizes the kid is small, for being thirteen. He would have thought he was seven or eight at most. August realizes he needs to know more and since Max, who he has since realized is passed out from the snoring filling the room, might not get a chance to talk to him without his older brother interfering.

“What's your name?” August asks quietly,

“Gray.” The kid answers casually, August is grateful Max did not swear him to secrecy as to not reveal anything to anyone, August sits down on the floor next to him.

“Gray, Can I ask why you are sleeping on our floor?” August asks, holding his tongue as the kid looks up, clearly deep in thought.

“Father was up all night again, so this morning he started early.” Gray says yawning into his drink,

“Started what, Work?” August asks, ignoring the weird feeling he gets from Gray addressing his dad as ‘father’. Gray nods his head,

“Drinking.” Augusts stomach drops slightly, thinking the dad must have a drinking problem, even though he shouldn't, his worry turn to the drunk roomates sleeping in his bed,

“And your brother…does he often drink like your father…?” August asks, but feel slightly guilty using this tired, clearly starving kid for this kind of information.

“No!” Gray suddenly yells, August lunges forward and puts his finger to his lips, pointing at Max, “Max doesn't drink! He hates alcohol, says it tastes like butthole. H-He had to drink with Father today, just this once. Father drinks more in company then goes to sleep, that's when he was able to sneak me out.” Gray says, August feels like more of the pieces have clicked into place.

“Why did you need to sneak out of the house?” August asks,

“Mom has been away for weeks at a conference in Europe, and Father doesn't like to cook or clean or help me with my homework when mom isn't here, so I called Max and he said I could stay here until mom gets back.” Gray says, crumpling up the empty back of pretzels and putting his hand out. August accepted the garbage and got up from the floor, throwing it into the garbage and getting into bed. * * *

“Hey, Pssst! Hey” August was awakened by the feeling of something pointy repeatedly jabbing into his back, “Psssst.” He rolled over at the persistent noise, to find himself face to face with a shaggy mop of brown hair.

“Gray?” August groaned, remembering the child that fell asleep on his floor, looking over at the windows behind his bed, it's still dark outside. “What's up?” August asks, sitting up from bed.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Gray said, in a whisper, August rubbed his eyes and looked around the room, Max was still sleeping face down in his bed, snoring.

“Did you try to ask your brother?” August asks, sleepy,

“Yes, but he won't get up, he is really tired.” August takes a moment for his brain to wake up, remembering Max’s toxic stench last night, he suspects he is even heavier of a sleeper because of the alcohol. August gives in, realizing Max isn't gonna be of any help, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, When he realizes, his pants are dry. Suddenly he is wade awake, patting the sheets as he scoots forward. He confidently jumps off of the lofted bed, feeling relieved, except, the hard wood floors sending a cold sensation up his body forces him to cross his legs.

“Are you okay?” Gray asks, already standing by the door with a pair of Max's slides slipped onto his small feet.

“Uh huh,” August says quietly, waiting for the sudden intense desperation to fade. He didn't wake up in wet sheets, because he hasn't pissed himself, yet…but he was close to doing it now. August looks to Gray, who was shifting slightly where he was sitting and decided he needed to pull himself together and get them both to the bathroom.

“Let's go, and remember to be quiet, everyones sleeping.” August said, pulling his thighs as far apart as needed to walk. Forgoing shoes all together because bending down to grab his slippers from his wardrobe would not end well with the current state of his bladder.

Thankfully, their hallways are empty. August can't imagine its past four in the morning. August can't imagine anything except for walking up to the urinal, pulling himself out just above his sweatpants and releasing the nights worth of pee that was once destined to be in his sheets. How amazing it will feel to have his pee go where it belongs, the warm liquid running down his leg- August brain lost if though is suddenly jolted to his current predicament, from a warm drop of pee running down the inside of his sweatpants as his foot took its first step down the stairs.

Immediately, August stopped. Throwing both his hands between his legs, letting out a painful whine, practically feeling his pee go back up inside of him. He would have let go completely if he didn't snap back to reality.

“Do you have to go pee?” August turns his head to see Gray standing behind him on the stairs with a confused look on his face.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” August could almost laugh if he didnt think it would cause him to lose the battle. A battle he is determined to not lose in front of his scary roommate's younger brother.

“Come on, let's hurry then. It's not good to wait till the last second. Father always yelled at me and Max for doing that when we were little.” August doesnt have time to react before Gray is grabbing his arm at the elbow, forcing him to keep walking down the many flights of stairs.

August is grateful while cleaning earlier he decided to put on his darkest pair of gray sweatpants because by the time he reaches the bottom of the stairs going at Gray's pace, a wet patch the size of a grapefruit is under his hands, but it's not that noticeable. August takes over leading the way, making the fastest turn of his life and walking his way down to the bathroom, hunched over, just trying to make the final stretch.

August goes in and Gray turns right, towards where the showers are. August wants to just ignore him, run to the urinals and then help the kid find his way, but he decides against it,

“Gray! The stalls are over here.” August yells, and waits a few seconds. Gray comes running back,

“Oops,” He says, walking fastly past August and going into the first stall that comes into view. August thanks every god imaginable he chose a stall and not the urinal. The door at least will create some sense of privacy.

August walks up to the urinal and relives his earlier fantasy, pulling himself out, although it's not exactly the same considering everything down there is a lot wetter than he was imagining it. He waits a few seconds and nothing happens. He can hear the sound of Gray fussing about with something in the stall and he can feel his body wanting to lock up, but he pushes down on all his muscles. He was about to piss his pants walking here and now his body won't go? He won't allow it.

“Please?” August begs under his breath, a small trickle erupts into the urinal, but it doesn't continue. “Come on.” August says to himself, a little louder.

“I'm almost done, sorry…” He hears Gray yell from the stall, immediately, he feels a sharp pain in his stomach, A cramp, his body is fully locked up.

“It's okay, I mean, Take your time.” August yells back, pulling himself away from the Urinal and turning around. The sight of it makes his insides feel like they are twisting. He shoves his hands back between his legs, tears coming to his eyes. It's painful. He almost just wishes he could lay in bed and fall asleep, if it meant he could pee.

To make matters worse he feels ridiculous. He can't pee because a single person is in the bathroom? That single person being a kid who isn't even paying attention to him? He wants to scream but he doesn't, seeing as a toilet flushing filled his ears, followed by Gray, emerging from the stall, adjusting his basketball shorts. He turns on the water to wash his hands and August has to bend forward again, to keep it all inside, He knows he is losing time, but he can't go here, his body has made up its mind and it would take way too long to take a shower and try to make his body go from the water. August realizes he has one choice but he doesn't like it.

“Why do you look like you still need to pee?” Gray asks, August didn't even realize the water had shut off,

“I-uh, Can you stay here, I need to go get something in the common room. Don't move. I'll come back and we can-'' August cant even finish his sentence, He is bolting out the bathroom door. He feels himself leak the second he is out of there, his anxious brain already feeling safer outside of the deemed unsafe to pee room that you're supposed to pee in. Within seconds he finds himself in front of Rowans door, frantically knocking and dancing where he stands.

“Hello, what's the problem?” Rowan says sleepy, August cant even feel bad for waking him up,

“Please!” August says through his teeth,

“August?” Roman finally opens his eyes slightly, “What's wrong? Did you forget your student card again?”

“No, I-Can I use your, ah, Im- Oh-” August cant even speak. He can only dance, with both his hands between his legs,

“Oh my god, Yes, wait!? Is there something wrong with the main bathroom? Oh god, it didn't flood again did it?” Rowan looks out past August down the hallway, blocking his way into the room.

“Rowannnn!” August groans, feeling a large, uncontrollable jet of piss slip past his iron tight grip. “Oh- I'm peeing!” August screeches, pushing past Rowan, It's not stopping, He can feel it running down his legs, He feels it on his feet, knowing its leaving a train behind him as he finally makes it into the bathroom. He doesn't see a urinal, but a toilet with the seat down. Not having time to put it up, not trusting his ability to aim when he has to go so badly, He rushes over, pulls down his pants and slams himself down on the toilet.

“Fuck.” He feels tears fall from his eyes as his body fully unlocks, warm piss pooling around his ass- “Oh no, no no no.” August looks down to reveal his blue and green plaid boxers, still on as he is viciously peeing through them.

“Uh, Everything okay in there?” August looks up to see Rowan, standing at the open door with his hand over his eyes. Still peeing, knowing the mess he made outside, leading all the way to the toilet, there is no hiding this one.

“No. uh ... I might need your help, give me a second though.” August cringes as he says it, feeling like a little kid who didn't make it to the potty on time. He slowly lets his body empty at its own pace, not watching to risk using any of his muscles down there to speed things up, in case they get the wrong signal again and lock up. When he finally finishes he stands up and awkwards pulls his sweatpants off of his feet, feeling how wet they are. “You can come in.” August says quietly, the slow creak of the door hinges follows.

“What happened?” Rowan says, walready grabbing a hand towel from the rack by the sink and throwing it onto the ground, dragging it with his feet to sop up the pale yellow trail of piss on the tiles leading up to August.

“It's a long story.” August says, not wanting to look Rowan in the eyes.

“Does it start with why there is a small child sitting on my bed?” Rowan asks, and August immediately looks at him, Eyes wide, all embarrassment temporarily forgotten.

“I-He, its- I can explain!” August says, His life flashing before his eyes. How Max is going to kill him for getting his stowaway caught.

“You can explain after you get changed, You can borrow some of my sweatpants, do you need boxers too?” August looks down, then back at Rowan,

“I'll go commando, but uh, a laundry bin for my..” August points to his lower half. Rowan nods and disappears into his bedroom before reappearing with a pair of black sweat pants and a plastic hamper.

“Take you time. I'll take care of the kid.” Rowan says, closing the door. August breaks the second he is alone. Thinking how this was far worse than being caught with wet sheets...

[bethanydelleman]

Mary Crawford in her own words

I live in a society where the eldest son usually inherits everything. This is a stupid system, which I have pointed out more than once (like Rushworth! How is it fair that he will inherit 12k but doesn't have two brain cells to rub together?). I am smart, wealthy, and well-educated so I've always seen myself as the sort of woman who marries an eldest son. When I met Tom and Edmund (brothers), I tried for Tom the heir but he was clearly not interested. And then, without meaning to at all, I found myself falling for Edmund which was kind of... annoying? He is hot, but that's not even the reason, he's just this genuinly good guy and he takes care of his poor cousin. I guess I just think I would really be able to trust him and be happy married to him.

Heres the problem though, he wants to be a clergyman. That wouldn't be so bad, though I have some real, legit issues with the church and with my brother-in-law (he's a glutton, it's a whole thing), but he really wants to do the small-town active pastor thing. And that makes sense, because he's a devoted person, but I just can't see myself living in the country all year. I like London! I have friends there and that's where I've lived most of my life. So I tried to convince him to choose another profession but he won't budge!

It bothers me because I really do love him, and I am starting to think that my friends might have made the wrong choice when they married purely for money. My friend Janet (Mrs. Fraser) is really unhappy. Also, when Edmund left to get ordained, I couldn't stop thinking about him! It was crazy, I was worried he stayed away because of another girl and I've never felt jealous in my life! So I made up my mind to marry him while he was away and I delayed my trip to London until he came home.

Anyway, now I'm in London and I hear his brother is sick. Now don't get me wrong, I would never like, wish death on someone, but in this world, where an accident of birth means that one son get everything and the other gets nearly nothing, is it really so awful to hope? Edmund is far more responsiible than Tom, he actually cares about people, and Tom is probably a gambling addict. He is a terrible choice for heir! So yes, I hinted to Edmund's cousin that it would be for the best for everyone if maybe Tom got what was coming to him (this isn't a random illness, he was drunk and got injured). But I really thought she would agree with me, after all, her whole family treats her life shit except for Edmund. Edmund would actually make sure she's provided for, I doubt Tom would.

So yeah, maybe I went a little too far, but can't you see why? It seemed like I was so close to having everything I ever wanted, someone who really loved me, who would have treated me right, and been the eldest son. I can't believe sometimes that now it's all slipped away! I don't know if I'll find someone like Edmund ever again.

[avathestarwarrior]

i'm confused, whats making you think that were forgetting you? people are going to think your fine after time passes unless you want people to always think your in a constant state of something being wrong. you have to reach out for us to know, we cant read your mind.... i think you may have imposter syndrome… saying that were are are lying to you when we have nice things to say about your art and characters. like… deep down you think everyone is making up there care for you because you somehow dont believe you deserve it. like this comes from self hate. you but you have to remember, those are hateful thoughts that are sabotaging the love people do have for you, and is holding you back towards what uyo care about like your art.... Honestley? your art may not be the issue here.i think its your mindset and attitude. your going to need to learn to love yourself if you ever want to eccept that others do, or youll just push everyone away by calling us liars and rejecting genuine effort on our part this isntt meant to be an attack towards you but, it really needs to be said. people here has always been nice to a lot of people, no matter skill Thats probably why artists who suck more than you do at art are getting Interactions but you aret, which by the way is a really rude o say your friends suck like ahta. this attitude of yours could totally be why people arent talking with you ithink to the oc tournament a few moths ago when you kept saying i'm going to lose anyway and kept putting yourr self down the whole time that negativity makes others feel bad and just takes away the fun. i remember feeling bad myself when i had my main character participate because i knew you would beat yourself up over it and here you are doing the same with your art. is not selfish to want frind its not selfish to want to better art And no you shouldnt lie about how you feel just to make people happy But what is absolutly harmful is attacking yourself everytime it go quiet and putting those who care about you down. it makes it were those thoughts do become true, were people do start to not like you because you have no faith in them when they tried to work with you and even worse, it continued that cycle of self sabotage so its done again and again. that s your hiking As someone who thought i was a good friend of yours until seeing this i am hurt... . i want to keep folowing you but it hurts to being called a liar even after our character interactions in the past maybe take a step back and maybe work on yourself before bringing this up again. the problem isnt your art, it isnt others lying to you and it isnt YOU either... the problem is this mindset and negative attitude of yours that needs to be stopped if you want any hope in that changing, especially your freindships maybe work on improveing your art after yourself....

Thank you for this long ask/venting. I guess I was indeed being a bit selfish and just not trusting others. Maybe I should really change up my attitude after all. I'll try my best to just stop thinking negativily and to just "enjoy" art, not being pressured about it. Thank you again for this. But I think for now, all I need is a bit of a break. But like, IDK if I would like to take a break since I would realllly be behind all the updates of other characters and all, so yeah, I'll just be less active here. But don't worry, I'll still be posting random stuff! So yeah-

[fierceawakening]

I definitely think it is not in any way wrong to ponder whether someone in your life has narcissistic traits, but then I am also team "reading a book is not thoughtcrime" literally regardless of what the book is. (There are authors I will only ever buy used if at all, but to me that's a different consideration.)

Thank you.

Yeah, I don't think reading a book is thoughtcrime ever either.* I do think it's important to consider the source--for example, after I read that article by the journalist I read a few more articles by people who DID have credentials as clinicians, and I DID notice that the clinicians were more careful in their wording. Where the journalist was saying "the narcissist in your life knows they're bullying you and their behavior is a choice, don't feel bad about getting angry that they chose it," the clinicians tended to say "Many narcissists do X, which leads to Y, which causes bad consequences for those close to them because Z."

So yes, it's noticeable, and I think worth paying attention to! But I ALSO think there is a place for "consider that this person might actually KNOW they're behaving hurtfully. Don't assume they must not be aware of it. That's often a defense mechanism survivors fall into to convince themselves it's Not That Bad, when it actually IS that bad."

Like, I struggle with whether I think my mom knows she doesn't empathize well with me. I don't think she does know it. She calls herself "an empath" and bemoans how much time she needs to spend resting because it's distressing when other people around her are upset.

But when it comes to guessing why I'm upset, or telling whether I'm angry/hostile or sad/melancholy? She's bad at that. She's REALLY bad at "you're having an issue I wouldn't experience but you're making sense." It's VERY frequently, like, "well, if you just dated boys you wouldn't have to deal with dyke drama, you know?" Rather than "Oh, everyone struggles in relationships, these pronouns are unusual but I get the gist."

It's always "why didn't you think that was a stupid situation you didn't want to be in? I try to tell you you would never..." and not "I can still vibe with what you're up to even if my own life has been pretty different in the detail bits."

(Meant to type you SHOULD never, but not correcting it because "You're my kid which means I know you better than anyone, and those things I disapprove of that you like? That's not really you. Trust me, I know." is something I have heard so, so many times. "I tried to tell you you would never" is accurate.)

So... why would "You know, Mom, I'm middle aged, which means you're considerably older than that. You really should have figured out by now that that's not cool, and I actually do kind of blame you for never recognizing that" be wrong?

(Aside from the fact that if I said it out loud she'd say "you want to make me suffer" rather than taking the point. But that's her problem, and just means there's little POINT in confronting her. It's not a sign that it would be unwarranted or cruel of me to do so.)

*(okay, okay, if I found out someone I knew was reading The Turner Diaries and it wasn't for research into what the fuck is up with Nazis, I'd worry immediately, I have an open mind not a spilling dumpster. But that's about it.)