#thinking frog Patton thoughts…will elaborate later

[razzledazzle-pop]

Okay Okay Okay—More Samder Slides headcanons time..You’ve opened Pandora’s Box…

Personal headcanons/design things:

Keeps food in his pockets and then forgets it’s there. The way I know the amount of crumbs are insane.

Re-attached his logo with haphazard stitching so it matched Virgil’s :]

Always loses one sock in each pair. ALWAYS.

Has THE most insane takes. Leads to a lot of fun Patton and Logan discussions actually (*Hits them with the Trolley problem*: DISCUSS)

Patton would take the Utilitarian approach I think…Would think you should always sacrifice the one person in the trolley problem instead of the five because it minimizes the most suffering).

To that point, I really do think all the sides would enjoy watching The Good Place. Probably also The Magic School Bus.

All film media in Patton’s room is on VHS. Even if it came out recently. He made them that way.

I know we’ve literally seen his room in canon but in my heart it looks like Howl’s Room in Howl’s Moving Castle (insane levels of eclectic).

Has set the kitchen on fire 237856 times. It will happen again.

Has hand-made bracelets (themed each of them around one of the other sides).

Also has a hand-made doll collection…Roman’s doll is kind of like a traditional princely doll, Logan is probably a cube craft doll, Virgil’s is Coraline style (later redoes it with Remus’ help to add Virgil’s extra legs and mandibles (they’re articulated. He’s very proud)). Remus is a finger puppet and Janus is a sock puppet (those last two might change later)…

To that point: he still has a spider phobia, but he’s working on it (mostly for Virgil. A lot of it is him being like “could you please describe “x” to me, or draw me a picture before you revert so I know what to expect? :).” It’s going well.

One time they tried theorizing what kind of spider Virgil was. Patton immediately threw in Jumping Spider (he’s not) but Logan was happy to hear Patton had done some kind of research into something.

He’s Roman’s test audience/proofreader. He may be a Yes Man, but he’s good at spotting when character motives are unclear in a story/just generally to bounce ideas around with. They have days where they parallel play. Patton does his arts and crafts and Roman does his writing. At the end of it, they swap and critique.

Me throwing my takes at you (thank you for coming to my TED Talk):

[forgottenfeesh]

I really really want Logan to be the orange side cause I think that would be way cooler than he’s just being influenced to be angry and actually make the moment he snaps and fully embraces it meaningful.

So here’s my complied proof I’m desperately hoping isn’t just jumbled nonsense my brain put together! Also no I’m not using any of the more obvious evidence cause my brain don’t work that way.

why does Logan have good reflexes then immediately lies about it.

Since Thomas has seen all the other sides beforehand and it’s surprising to him that we can assume that none of the other sides have demonstrated this so it isn’t just an added benefit into being Thomas’s phyce.

And this doesn’t seem like the face of someone who wants to show off, it just seems like it’s natural reaction for him. So this might be actually due to his reflexes.

So why does Thomas’s s Logic need quick reactions? I can’t really see Logan getting Thomas into fights or fighting those same fights for Thomas and he certainly isn’t impulsive. And if you think about reflexs in the baseline they don’t exactly side with Logic but instead impulse.

It doesn’t help either when Logan purposely lies about it in the next scene.

Because as the audience we know that he didn’t have any coffee he instead he replaced it all with wine (I really love the gag of Logan canonically being an alcoholic btw) which if anything would lessen Logan’s reflexes. So he obviously realises he’s not supposed to do that.

Also thinking back. Logan always seems to try to make a big deal that he can’t catch stuff so maybe that’s just an elaborate ruse anyhoo onto the other one.

Why Logan automatically retorts but then later lies about not being good at said retorts (You wrote a spiteful rap song about someone Logan, embrace it)

Here we have him seemingly automatically retorting to Romans insults which again shows his impulsive nature which is a really odd nature of a purely logical side to be.

Add then immediately lies about it and try’s to thinly ignore and hide said impulsivity.

Meaning he knows logic shouldn’t be offended by it and should take the figurative high road but he can’t. He name calls and gets on Romans level.

Excess proof

1) Anger does in real life take the form of logic at first, it starts off as seemingly reasonable assumptions.

Example- Margret must of took my lunch as she was the only one in the office at that time and since I made it and have been looking fordward too it all day while she had quite a bit today, I shall like to have a word.

But after a while all sense of logic degrades into doing illogical activities on the base of logic

Example- MARGRET YOU WITCH I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT LUNCH ALL YEAR AND SPENT HOURS TIRELESSLY COOKING IT! (Notice how the straight facts haven’t been removed only exaggerated)

2) Like a certain someone’s current arch and it would make sense as in my opinion see Virgil as Logan’s opposite as he’s the end of logic that’s all about worrying about the facts and endlessly listing them while anger is on Logan’s side of actually doing something with those same facts and since Logic’s dark side is now light what happens to the other side in logic?

3) The point to debunk this argument is usually pattons eyes going orange when he was a frog but what if that was a side effect of Logan blowing up off screen.

As in moving on and now dealing with intrusive thoughts we see Thomas gets, possessed influenced by Logan, (Which is what anger does blinding its victims in anger and influencing them to do things they wouldn’t normally) which begs the question what does to the sides, could it perhaps idk make one a tad more spiteful, maybe even making them finally lose their patience (exact thing that happens with lillypatton/ Patton in selfishness v selflessness part 2) espically since Logan was especially angry with the others before this scend and after Janus seems more defensive over him maybe he lost it off screen and Pattons orange eyes reflect that it’s due to him being affected by logins anger. Didn’t happen last 2 times as were either off screen or in place completely flooded with pattons emotions.

4) We like to think we all have a middle, perfect, guiding voice in our heads but most of us don’t it’s part of being human, which is why he has 2 colours because Thomas choice to only view him as only Logic, despite him being something completely different in the long term. I’m fact you could even say.

[spicycreativity]

Soft-Shoe Shuffle - Ch 4

Chapter: 4/12

Additional Notes: See Ch 1 for more information. Read on AO3 under "WizardGlick." Any formatting/italics errors are holdovers from AO3 that I was too lazy to fix.

Chapter Content Warnings:

Excerpt:

Remus smacked the back of Janus’ head with his open palm. “You sneaky little shit."

“Maybe now you’ll think twice about your letter-writing habits.”

Remus fixed Janus with his glassy-eyed gaze and gave a slow, wicked smile. “Was it not up to your ssssssssstandards,” he asked, “you good old-fashioned lover boy?”

A palm-sized origami frog perched on Janus' door at about eye level, with a small envelope in its mouth. Remus' work.

You know that talk is cheap

And those rumors ain't nice

And when I fall asleep

I don't think I'll survive the night

Janus peeled the frog off the door and examined the envelope as he walked to his desk.

He handled it gingerly, but it didn't explode or burst into flames or (God forbid) start singing. It was only an envelope with a single sheet of paper inside, on which Remus had written… his version of a love poem:

Dear Patton-oster,

How fiercely dost thou squeeze my pulsing heart!

Thy fist that veiny organ grips too strong.

Let my blood coat thy most clandestine parts:

By which, of course, I mean your dick-- come on.

My heart thy dick with equal firmness hold,

And stroke thyself as I too stroke for thee:

Yes, nightly! nightly! many nights untold,

I marry the bed, wishing it were thee.

I do admit thy puns exasperate,

Still, I picture you when I masturbate.

Signed,

Your Secret Admirer

Face aflame, Janus carefully folded the letter, placed it back in the envelope, inserted the envelope in the frog's mouth, gently placed the frog in his wastebasket, and set the whole thing on fire.

He had work to do, work that didn't involve Remus' influence.

Exerting his own influence over Thomas' thoughts was a mere matter of re-prioritizing. It was easier now that Patton wasn't outright working against him, although their functions were still nearly incompatible.

Janus stared at the empty expanse of the desk before him, shiny lacquered ebony, and braced his elbows on it. It helped to move his hands as he worked. On a good day, he would use all six. Today, he only used two, and weaved suggestions. He bound them up with logic (or what seemed like logic) and tied them to anxieties.

The fire in his wastebasket went out on its own, but not before leaving scorch marks on the side of his desk and filling the room with a smell of smoke that brought Janus' headache back with a vengeance and made his eyes water and his throat sting.

He spared a thought to summon two more aspirin and a glass of water (no, Blue Cherry Gatorade).

He got the hard work out of the way first before moving on to innocuous white lies. These came attached to morality. Janus focused on his work rather than letting his mind wander to thoughts of Patton's smile, the way his laugh made Janus feel like he'd just stepped into a sunbeam.

Hours must have passed, but he scarcely noticed, caught up in the gentle flow of his work.

"Janus?" The sound of knocking on the door brought his train of thought to a screeching halt.

Janus dropped the threads he'd been holding and immediately started to cough upon snapping back to reality. What had he been thinking, setting a fire like that?

"You okay in there?" Patton asked, voice muffled through the door. "I think I can smell smoke!"

"It's nothing, Patton." Janus wiped his streaming eyes. The tears left dark marks on his gloves. "One moment." He walked, slowly, like everything was under control, to the door, vanishing all the smoke and fixing the side of his desk as he went.

He only cracked the door at first, in case this was some sort of elaborate trap to get him to socialize with the others, but it was only Patton who stood there. He was holding a sheet of computer paper, folded into a card.

Janus' gaze fell on it and he forgot social niceties, nearly igniting his wastebasket again in a fit of panic. Surely Remus hadn't--

"It's for you," Patton said, holding out the card.

"Oh." Janus took it and examined the crayon drawing of a rainbow on the front. " Please tell me this is a disturbingly well-thought-out love poem."

"What?" Patton's smile became strained, then faltered into a look of puzzlement.

For the second time that day, Janus was forced to hide his blush under a mask. "Never mind. It was a bad joke." He took the card from Patton. "I'll just open this." He proceeded to do so while Patton babbled something about leaving poetry to the 'prose.'

The card turned out to be an invitation to watch Planet Earth with Patton and Logan later that night. Endearingly, Patton had included a little notecard so Janus could RSVP.

Janus summoned a brass Monteverde Invincia in his right hand before realizing he had no surface to write on.

Patton evidently noticed him floundering and turned around, removing his cardigan as he went. "Here, use my back."

"Couldn't I just tell you?" Janus mumbled, though he knew the answer. By summoning a pen, he had demonstrated a willingness to play the game.

So he pressed the RSVP card to Patton's back and marked the box next to 'yes.'

The bare patch of skin where his sleeve cuff rode up brushed against the fabric of Patton's shirt, sending a white-hot thrill through Janus' chest.

For unrelated reasons, he dropped the pen. He sent it back to his desk before it hit the floor. "Done."

Patton turned around and snatched the card from Janus' hand before Janus even registered what was happening. For a split second, his face lit up. Then it fell back into a neutral, guarded expression. "Do you mean it?" When Janus nodded, he continued, "I kind of would have expected… y'know, the opposite."

"I wasn't trying to be considerate; I know how much you love it when you can't understand me."

"Oh! That is nice of you, Janus."

Janus waved a hand. "Well, we're all making changes." He carefully did not make a face after saying this. He'd known it was true, but it felt different to say it out loud; it made a sick shiver crawl down his spine. Then something else struck him. "Oh."

"What?"

"Remus is likely to drop in tonight." Patton tilted his head, and his eyes flicked between Janus and the direction of the curtain, so Janus elaborated, "No, I didn't invite him. Never mind the fact that there's no way I could have while standing here and talking to you, it is precisely the fact that he wasn't invited that makes me think he's going to come."

"Oh," said Patton. "Should I invite him? I don't want to be rude."

Janus' mind jumped to the ashes still smoldering in his wastebasket and said, "No." He lowered his voice and added, "But when he does show up, please do try to give him a warm welcome."

"Him?"

Janus only raised an eyebrow. "Unless you have some moral objection?"

Patton sighed. "Okay."

--

In the few hours before he was due to meet Logan and Patton in the living room, Janus finished up his work. Logan had pointedly straightened out a few of the logical fallacies Janus had woven, and Janus could practically see the red ink splashed across Logan's papers. He let a few of them go, tied the next few tighter, then sat back in his chair.

Whatever Virgil and Roman were doing in their rooms, they certainly weren't working very hard.

Janus passed by their doors on his way to the living room and perceived no signs of life from within, not that he cared. He had extended hands to both Virgil and Roman in the past; it wasn't Janus' fault they wanted to burn bridges. His conscience was clean on both accounts.

End of story.

He definitely wasn't wearing a bitter scowl when he arrived in the living room, and his first reaction upon seeing Patton absolutely was not a warm smile that he hurriedly had to divert into a smirk. That would be silly. Like the others, Patton was a pawn to be used when Janus needed, and tolerated when he didn't. And that absurd cat onesie he was wearing wasn't cute in the slightest.

"You're not wearing a onesie," Patton said, vaulting over the couch with none of a cat's grace. He landed heavily and planted his hands on his hips. "Didn't you read the dress code, bud?"

"'Bud'?" Janus repeated, making no effort to conceal his disgust at the over-familiarity. Just how far was he going to let Patton push him?

Patton faltered and blushed and Janus forgave everything in one fluttering heartbeat. "Sorry," Patton said. "You don't seem like a 'kiddo,' so I thought I could try a new nickname." A look of horror dawned on his face and he gasped and added, "Not that I don't like your name! I think 'Janus' is a lovely name but I call everyone else 'kiddo' so I thought-- But then--"

Janus failed entirely to hold back a rush of laughter. "It's fine. Really."

"So I can call you--"

"Janus. You can call me Janus."

"I'll find a nickname you like," Patton said with a decisive nod.

"Where's Logan, anyway? It's very like him to be late."

"Logan's in the kitchen," Patton waved a hand in that direction. "He's trying out a new method for popping all the popcorn kernels without actually burning the popcorn."

"Well, doesn't that sound fascinating."

Patton didn't appear to be listening. With his mouth twisted in thought, he looked Janus slowly up and down. "Hmm."

Janus swallowed. "Like what you see?"

Patton snapped and suddenly Janus was clad in warm fleece. "Now I do!"

"A parrot?" Janus said, looking down at what was evidently a scarlet macaw onesie.

"Okay, so, maybe I panicked," Patton said. "But I think it suits you, and I ain't fffflying." Janus squinted. Patton continued, apologetically, "Bird puns are harder than you'd think."

Janus adjusted his hat. He kept up the dignified silence just to watch Patton squirm, and not because he was trying to think of a better bird pun. "I suppose I can handle being a parrot for tonight," he said finally, giving up. Patton was right; bird puns were hard.

Just then, Logan emerged from the kitchen with three mismatched bowls balanced in his arms. "I tried using a wok to pop the kernels, and it actually worked quite well."

"Patton got you, too?" Janus asked, studying Logan's unicorn onesie with a critical eye.

Logan thinned his lips and colored slightly. "Well."

Janus made the realization a half second too late. "I suppose it logically follows," he said hurriedly, well-aware that he was making absolutely no sense.

"Oh?"

"I don't expect you'd be able to properly relax in jeans and a tie." Janus waved a hand and noticed a flash of yellow-- Patton had left his gloves on him. Which was to be expected. It wasn't like Janus made any effort to hide how important they were to him. So he didn’t feel all warm and fuzzy that Patton had noticed this and left them (and his hat) on.

Logan gave a short nod and indicated for Janus to take one of the bowls of popcorn.

Remus made his appearance near the beginning of episode two of Planet Earth. “Monkeys, hm?” he said, popping up behind the couch.

They all flinched, even Janus, who had been expecting this. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Patton shook himself and turned toward Remus with a pasted-on smile. “Remus!”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

Patton’s eyes flicked toward Janus, who gave him only the tiniest nod of encouragement in the hopes that Remus wouldn't notice anything amiss. “Uh, I was hoping you would drop by! It’s good to see you.”

“It is ?” Remus said, recoiling. “What’s gotten into you, Daddy Dominus?”

“Nothing! Just bein’ friendly.” Patton’s smile was fading by the second.

“Actually,” Logan said, “I was also hoping you would show up.” He scooted closer to Patton to make a space by the armrest. “You can sit next to me if you’d like.”

Remus glanced between Patton and Logan, his look of puzzlement rapidly morphing into disgust. “Why?”

Finally, he looked to Janus in desperate agitation, his eyes wide and expression utterly helpless. Janus allowed himself to laugh. It wasn’t often that he got one over on Remus, who was notoriously hard to ruffle.

"You!” Remus shouted.

“You should have ssseen your face!” Janus said in between breathless spasms of laughter.

Remus smacked the back of Janus’ head with his open palm. “You sneaky little shit."

“Maybe now you’ll think twice about your letter-writing habits.”

Remus fixed Janus with his glassy-eyed gaze and gave a slow, wicked smile. “Was it not up to your ssssssssstandards,” he asked, “you good old-fashioned lover boy?”

Janus bit his tongue. Now was not the time to engage Remus in an argument, playful though it was. “Why don’t you sit down by Logan and watch the monkeys? Now that you know he and Patton don’t want you here.”

“I don’t-- You asked--” Patton protested feebly.

Remus was examining his fingers like he was thinking about sticking them in Patton’s mouth when Logan interjected, “I was not in on any prank, Remus. You’re welcome to sit next to me.”

Remus ignored him. “This isn’t over, Shakespeare in the Dark.”

“Oh, I can’t wait to see what you do next.” Janus waved goodbye as Remus sank out with one final lewd gesture at Patton. Before Logan or Patton could ask any questions, Janus snatched the remote from Logan’s hand with one deft motion and hit play.

The rest of the episode became blurrier and less meaningful by the moment until the sight of the TV screen slipped away, then the sound, then everything.

Janus only became aware he’d fallen asleep when he half-woke in somebody’s arms.

“Don’t freak out,” Remus said, “it’s just me. Didn’t think you’d want to spend the night on the couch.”

Janus nodded against Remus' chest and closed his eyes again.

Aside

When the clock struck 3:00 am, Roman stuck his head out his bedroom door and looked around for any signs of life. He couldn't face the others, not yet. Seeing nothing, he walked barefoot to the kitchen. He stared at the carpet as he went, still keeping an ear out for any indication that the others were awake. But there was nothing, so he proceeded.

The kitchen was dark except for the light over the sink, which Patton always switched on at night. Roman sighed and braced his arms against the bar. He had hoped the change of scenery might make him feel better,, but it only increased the loneliness sitting heavy on his chest.

He jumped when Virgil’s voice came from the shadows. “Been missing out on beauty sleep? You look rough.”

Roman turned to find Virgil seated on the counter opposite the bar with his legs splayed out in front of him and his back pressed against the fridge. He breathed a sigh of relief through his nose. He could at least face Virgil. “You don’t look so good yourself.” It was true. Virgil's coal-black eyeshadow was smudgier than Roman had ever seen it, and the way it streaked down toward his jaw made it look as though Virgil had inadvertently smeared it with his fingers by repeatedly running his hands down his face. "Where have you been, anyway?"

Virgil's lip curled. "Let's just say I'm going through it right now and leave it at that."

"So am I, my preoccupied purple partner. So am I." Roman hopped up on the counter by Virgil's feet and nearly smacked his head on the cabinets. Virgil, to his credit, only laughed a little bit. "I actually haven't seen the others in… several days now."

"Did something happen?"

"Let's just say a certain sneaky snake Side slithered his way into a situation that didn't concern him."

Virgil sat up straight. "What did he do? Is everyone okay?"

"Oh, everyone's fine. He and Patton and Thomas are all best pals now, and… Well, I suppose royal red is going out of style."

"He turned Patton against you like that?" Virgil demanded. "How? Patton can be naive at times, but he's not dumb ."

Roman sighed and buried his face in his hands. "No, Virgil, I'm afraid that was all me. I don't even want to tell you what I did, but I'm going to stay in my room until… Well, I don't know. Until the nightmare ends, I suppose."

"Jeeze." Virgil gave a mirthless chuckle. "Well, now my thing doesn't seem so bad. I also haven't been out of my room in several days."

"I know, Sweet Emo-tion, I was starting to worry. What happened? Did Thomas start thinking about that time in 9th grade where he--"

"No!" Virgil said, a touch too loud. "Uh, no. I… I told him."

"...About that time in 9th grade where he--"

"I told him I used to be, you know, a 'Dark Side'."

"And he took it badly?" Roman asked. "Really? But he loves you."

"He just looked at me." Virgil swallowed hard, his eyes vacant. "And somehow his silence was so much worse than anything he could have actually said to me."

"Well." Roman let his head fall back against the bottom of the cabinets with a dull thud. "Aren't we the pretty pair? The disgraced prince and the not-so-reformed villain."

"Yeah."

For a moment, they were silent.

Then Roman said, in an uncertain tone. "Virgil?"

"Yeah?"

"I… I really never thought I'd say this, but. I'm glad you're here with me. I'm glad it's you ."

"Honestly? Same." Virgil bit his lip and fixed his gaze on his socks. "Do you... maybe want to hang in my room for a bit? We can have a sleepover. A really depressing, pathetic sleepover."

"I think I'd like that," Roman said. And for the first time in days, he smiled .