#this has been sitting in my drafts since the middle of june ive been staring at it and contemplating and shirking the pressure of it

[ryndicate]

So I'm doing some thinking.

Interaction and feedback is what gives me the motivation to write. I've been struggling to feel creative for a long while now, on ryndicate and my previous blog, and I think that's largely in part of how my writing gets interacted with on this site (ie, mostly just likes and silent readers). I don't necessarily think either are bad, but without the feedback, all the joy that I felt, budding and arching higher and higher as I wove the plot and stitched each detail together.. well it fizzles out before it even gets a chance to crest and just makes me wonder what the point was.

I know that the grueling fact of the matter is that without consistency, there is no building a solid following on this site. That's just a fact, from how I see it. I also know I don't have the most social personality, especially when it comes to consistent online presence because that's just not me. I don't have what it takes to be a cheerful and energetic internet entity and post all my thoughts and feelings and hypotheticals for my anime loves. I also know that I don't necessarily need to be *only* cheerful or *only* happy when I post, and that I'm perfectly allowed to be moody or sad or annoyed or whatever emotion I want; but when I am those things I'm usually not even on my phone, I'm buried in a hoodie and cuddled up with my hubbie for some good ol skinship or playing vidya with him to keep myself distracted, so I'm prone to dipping from the internet for what could be a week, could be months and often more, it depends on what caused my drop in mood, how busy work is, how the bills are going and you know--life.

So to sum it up: I don't want to stop writing, but I also don't think I have the right personality type to be a writer on tumblr, so the only thing left to do is resolve that.

The baseline of it all is that I think I'm better off on a site that has less to do with a following, like ao3. There's less pressure there and at least there I get somewhat of an idea how many people are reading even if they don't interact with the story at all. I know that website has also has its ups and downs-ive asked some mutuals and heard all sorts of opinions and its been an incredible help in helping me come to a decision of sorts-so i know its not a full ideal paradise solution, just something better suited for me than my current go of things.

To the few comments and anons that I've gotten—sincerely thank you. You have been that crest of joy that I've always wanted with my writing, the thing that kept me from giving up on writing entirely.

I'm gonna be opening an ao3, when I have the handle I'll ofc share it and there's no pressure to look at it or anything. I'm still deciding if I want to move my stuff from here over there or make it totally fresh (ADiT ofc will be moved since I'm still working on it.) But as for the oneshots idk yet, might archive the masterlist and retone this blog into my reader era, because I'm not leaving tumblr altogether, just as a writer.