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#this is [REDACTED (<- his name in all caps)] we’re talking about and promptly fell out of love with him. which is weird because if the
dreamertrilogys · 2 years
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hate hate hate when i realize/discover that one of my friends is hot. like can you (me) get out of here with your confusing & unwanted feelings….
#personally i don’t think i’d be able to have a crush on a friend without being too embarrassed to let my feelings fester like i’d just be#like [bland voice] oh they’re hot. whatever. fact of life#ALTHOUGH that’s the issue i think. like whenever i notice that a friend is objectively hot i can never tell if i like. actually like them#or not. ​whenever i’ve had a crush on anyone it’s always been someone i’m not already friends with or it doesn’t work. THAT DOESN’T MEAN I#ONLY LIKE UNATTAINABLE PEOPLE THO IS THE THING. because i used to sort of like this guy i only saw in the halls and then a little while ago#our respective friend groups merged and so now we’re friends and hang out and stuff but i still very much have a crush on him#but like the other day i noticed that my irl was actually like really hot but i don’t think i’d ever be able to#(allow myself to???) like her romantically bc we were friends first??? bro idk. and yet ideally conceptually i think trc was right#wait actually. maybe i’m sort of in love with all of my friends who knows. anyway#.txt#i know it’s only 1 am but i haven’t slept properly all week so that’s why i’m posting this btw#probably this belongs in the journal (private) not journal (public)#upon further consideration that irl was a bad example because i’m starting to remember that i noticed she was hot (in an objective way not a#crush way) before we became friends. HOWEVER there’s this other irl who i knew and didn’t think was particularly attractive and then we#became friends (before i just knew him from class) and i still thought the same way about him but THEN he got a really good haircut and i#realized he was actually sort of attractive and developed a crush on him for about. 12 hours before i was like what the hell#this is [REDACTED (<- his name in all caps)] we’re talking about and promptly fell out of love with him. which is weird because if the#situation (like the fact that we were friends) was different he’d probably be exactly my type personality wise and all too#irls tag#crushposting#ish??#diary#gender diary#<- only diary tag i use
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