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[lycanresistance]

Aarmau Is Not Healthy - A Deconstructive Analysis On Aaron And Aphmau’s Relationship (updated)

This is the third updated rewrite of my previous Aarmau analysis. The conclusion is the same, but it includes more details.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I’m NOT trying to say that you should ship another ship, or say anything about the actors or writers here. I am simply analyzing the content as it is presented, which is generally what you’re supposed to do with shows and the like. Anyways… 

Warnings for discussions of child abuse, neglect, unhealthy relationships, etc. Standard canon Mystreet stuff.

So, to start this off, I'm going to state something that is both canon and important to this particular analysis: Aaron was abused by his parents, Derek and Rachel Lycan (more by Derek, but I'm not excusing her actions either). It's canon and displayed in several episodes, particularly Phoenix Drop High S2, Falcon Claw University, Lover’s Lane, Woof’s Tale, and in the flashbacks in Emerald Secret. They left him home alone with no food for unknown amounts of time, they called him a monster, they guilt tripped him into staying with them, etc. This is touched on a lot of Aaron and Derek’s Aphmau wikia page if you want to read up on it, because there's a lot and since that isn't the main point of this I don't want to spend to long harping on surface level analysis.

In Falcon Claw University, Aaron is being kept in isolation and treated as a monster by Derek and the people Derek has hired to keep Aaron away from people. This causes this exchange between them in FCU EP.1, “Meeting In Person”:

Aaron: I can't say. Aphmau: Huh? Aaron: I can't say why I've been gone for two years without saying a word. It's a private matter and it's hard to bring up. I can't tell you if I’ve changed as a person, because I don't even know myself as it stands. But what I do know is that I want to be your friend so bad. I really did miss you, and I hope you can understand. Aphmau: Can I ask, if you ever get the courage to tell me… would you? Aaron: Yes. I would.

Despite her wanting to know about what happened, years later when he actually tells her she blatantly doesn't care about his feelings and goes as far to invite them back into his life without his permission or even giving him a heads up, after not seeing them for years, presumably since running away in Falcon Claw University EP.30.

In EP.1 of the Mystreet Holiday Special, “Aphmau and Aaron’s First Christmas,” when Aphmau invites his family over without telling him, and they have the following conversation:

Aphmau: I wanted to invite Aaron’s family over for the holidays, even if it is just for one day, or a few. Aaron: But Aph, I told you what— Aphmau: I know what happened. But Aaron, it's the holiday season. I want to forgive and forget. And maybe try to start over.

Even if Aphmau wants to ‘forgive and forget,’ she has no right to bring Aaron’s abusers back into his life without even consulting him first. She acts as if the world is centered around her, even in situations where it’s obviously Aaron’s business to make a decision. She even cuts Aaron off, not letting him finish what he had to say.

Aaron: Aph, is this really what you want? Aphmau: Yes. Aaron… If I'm going to be in your life, I want to know your life. And that starts with the people who raised you. Even if they've been… not nice, at least it lets us take a chance to get to know them.

During EP.2 of the Christmas special, “Aaron’s Dad,” Aphmau continues to ignore Aaron’s feelings even more blatantly:

Aaron: My dad… [sighs.] I haven't seen or talked to him in such a long time. I don't know what to prepare you for. Aphmau: Hey, Aaron… however your dad is, I’m sure he's fine. Besides, it's the holidays! Holiday magic is sure to make him at least somewhat pleasant.  Aaron: It's sweet of you to think that way, but— Aphmau: Upupup! Holiday magic. Now, let's get back downstairs before your mom and my mom kill each other! Aaron: But—  Aphmau: Holiday magic, Aaron. Holiday magic! [Aphmau exits, leaving Aaron behind.]

In EP.3, “CHRISTMAS BOY FIGHT!” Aphmau says the following to Derek:

Aphmau: Honestly, you seem like a nice person, and I’m sure you are…

Aphmau says this while knowing presumably nothing about Derek, except that he mistreated Aaron while growing up and even now won’t spend any time with him.

During this mini arc, despite Aphmau claiming she’s doing this to ‘know his life,’ it never once occurs to Aphmau that to better understand Aaron she should simply ask him about his life. She disregards Aaron’s own experiences in comfort for the flimsy notion of ‘getting to know him’ despite never actually doing so.

This kind of dismissal of Aaron’s feelings isn’t a one time thing, either. She continues to do so in EP.24 of Mystreet S3: Lover’s Lane, “The Break-Up”:

Aaron: Aph… I haven’t been spending a lot of time with you lately. You have to have noticed that. Aphmau: Noticed it? [Laughs.] I barely have! It feels like I’m always with you, considering how fast the days go. They’re going by a little too fast, too be honest. Aaron: You… haven’t noticed…? Aphmau: Nope! I’ve been busy. Oh, hey! Is that a cheesecake? Aaron: [Sighs.] Aph, can we just spend tonight… alone? Aphmau: Thanks, Aaron. We'll spend more time tomorrow. I promise. [Flashback.] Rachel: We'll spend more time tomorrow, Aaron. I promise. [End of Flashback] Aaron: (to himself) Why can't I get myself to tell her about these memories? How I'm feeling... I just want to support her and see her happy. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

While this isn’t inherently evil behaviour from Aphmau, she’s being extremely selfish here. She refuses to consider Aaron’s feelings over her own even when he’s clearly hurt, and despite (apparently) knowing of his issues caused by neglect and abandonment by his parents, she doesn’t factor this in to anything. Later, while apologizing, she admits she ignored how he was feeling. However, Aaron apologizes for it too, which considerably lessens the impact that this scene is supposed to have. This wasn’t Aaron’s fault. He tried to tell her how he was feeling and she dismissed him.

After the Lover’s Lane finale, Aaron seems to be moving on from his parent’s influence. For example, take what he says in Aaron’s Ticket (the season 4 prequel) EP.1:

Derek: I'll pay you a lot for this! Aaron: ...Normally, I wouldn't listen to you, but…

Aaron only takes the job because he needs the money. This shows that he is no longer putting up with how his parents treat him.

But now, he's on vacation with them in Starlight. Post-Emerald Secret they got what they wanted back in Lover’s Lane: to force Aaron back into their life. Most likely because of Emerald Secret EP.17, where Aphmau and Derek have a heart to heart of sorts where Derek realizes 30 years too late he ruined his son’s life and makes a half assed apology while Aphmau cries, and the Derek (and by extension, Rachel) decide that everything is now good and they can go back to being one big happy nuclear family.

Growth is defined by learning. Aphmau could grow and learn from her past mistakes in her relationship with Aaron, but she doesn’t. She allows Aaron’s parents back into his life yet again while he’s dying, and doesn’t once even stop to say or consider that they were bad to him and this could do more harm than good.

Also, lets not forget that in Emerald Secret EP.10 Aphmau openly admits she'd rather have him harmed than have another woman be near him:

Aphmau: What's going on? Tatiana: We need him to wake up! Aphmau: Why? What's wrong? Tatiana: Our alpha is coming. If he finds him here, he'll hurt him! Aphmau: Huh? What? Tatiana: [Embracing Aaron]. Wake up! Please! Aphmau: What are you doing to him? Tatiana: He needs more of my body heat! Aphmau: Oh no he doesn't! Hey! Let go of him! Aaron: [Waking up] Ah, Aph, you feel so… warm… huh? [Notices Tatiana and jumps] Woah! What the— who are you? Aphmau: “You're so warm.” What was that supposed to mean? Aaron: Aph! You're here! Aphmau: Of course I am. Remember?

He almost died, and her immediate reaction is to be angry at him for practically nothing. Then this exchange happens:

Tatiana: I wanted to thank you for before - for what you did in the forest. Aphmau: What’d you do in the forest, Aaron?! Aaron: I have no idea what’s going on! Tatiana: I didn’t know men could be so kind and gentle. Aphmau: What?! Aaron: I don’t know what she’s talking about! [Aphmau throws a rock at Aaron’s head, which he dodges.] Aaron: Woah!

While it is understandable that Aphmau would interpret her words this way (we, as the viewer, know she’s talking about the wolf that Aaron rescued earlier, but Aphmau and Aaron don’t), her throwing a rock at his head should not be her first instinct.

Let's contrast this example with an almost identical one: when Aaron has picture proof of Aph cheating in Lover’s Lane (even though she didn't) he thinks rationally about the situation and firmly believes that Aph wouldn't do that to him since they love each other.

Aaron: I wanted to ask you about that. Melissa: The picture? I figured. If that isn't enough evidence for you, then I don't know what is. Aaron: I'm sorry, but that is not enough evidence for me to think that Aph would do that.

When Aphmau is presented with a couple vague statements that could be taken as Aaron cheating, she throws a rock at Aaron’s head immediately despite him verbally protesting. When Aaron is presented with photographic evidence, he concludes that he trusts Aphmau and that this isn’t enough proof that she would do something like that. (I’d like to note, I’m not trying to say Aaron should've distrusted her, she didn’t do anything wrong. Aphmau was in the wrong here, Aaron was in the right.)

In Lover’s Lane (which I should note is a season that’s actually comedy) when the topic of cheating comes up, it’s handled seriously because it is serious. Yet in Emerald Secret, which is an actual plot-driven season, Aphmau possibly hurting Aaron over a misunderstanding played off for a cheap laugh.

This is because it factors in to their own messed up relationship with their parents. In Emerald Secret, Aphmau is viewing Aaron through the lens of her father — the fear that he’ll cheat and abandon her is pervasive, even though Aaron has never made any indication that he’s anything but unheathily ride-or-die for the relationship. However, much like her mother’s occasional outbursts, Aphmau’s reaction is kneejerk violence.

On the flip side, Aaron views Aphmau through the lens of his mom — as mentioned earlier, in Lover’s Lane EP.24, Aaron’s mind directly compares the words that Aphmau are saying to him with his mother’s, and rationalizes Aphmau’s actions in the same way, that because she loves him, it’s acceptable.

Both of them are using the other to fill the role of a toxic absent parent in these scenarios, but never seem to actually acknowledge this as harmful. It’s the rational outcome for them.

The idea of Aphmau trying to ‘get to know Aaron’s life’ from a self-oriented perspective like in the Christmas special as discussed earlier isn’t a one time thing. During EP.17 of Starlight, “Make Me Like You…” and EP. 18, “Choose…” Aphmau asks Aaron to turn her into a werewolf to better understand him. He eventually does, and Sylvanna explains why this was a bad decision to her in EP.34, “Cursed”:

Sylvanna: I want to hear your reasoning. Aphmau: I wanted to turn because I wanted to understand Aaron better. I felt that something was calling me too… I didn’t want Aaron to go through something alone again. I wanted him to know I was there. Sylvanna: That’s not a good reason to become a werewolf. Mija, we’re hispanic. Someone doesn’t have to become hispanic in order to understand us. That’s ignorant, and flat-out disrespectful to that culture. Essentially, that’s what you did.

Like Sylvanna said, becoming something for someone else isn’t a healthy mindset to have. To understand someone you need to listen to them and understand them, not simply emulate their experiences in an attempt to live it yourself. Communication is a core part of relationships. While this particular situation Aaron isn’t completely blameless — he did agree to turn her — Aphmau’s outlook on situations like relationships is deeply flawed. From inviting his parents over even though he vocally expressed discomfort to asking him to turn her into a werewolf, Aphmau’s outlook on their relationship is distorted. As shown in Lover’s Lane, Aaron’s attempts of communication often are ignored by Aphmau in favour of her extreme method of ‘understanding.’ The best way to get to know someone’s life is to listen, something Aphmau time and time again seems to avoid.

Throughout Starlight, Aphmau is obsessed with making sure that her and Aaron’s reunion is perfect, but under her terms. For example, during Starlight EP.5, “Scars,” Aphmau heals Aaron’s scars, permanently altering his body while he’s asleep, injuring herself in the process for something she didn’t even get permission from him to do. It’s entirely selfish, focused on aesthetics, and betrays a lack of communication that is pervasive in this pairing.

Finally, let’s discuss Falcon Claw University. Sit down and ask yourself: “What was the message of FCU?” Although others might have different interpretations, I personally interpret it as being about connection and relationships. It’s a season defined by the interactions and feelings other characters have about themselves and those around them, with a particular focus on the nature of romance. Let’s take this scene from EP.25, “Garroth’s Confession.”

Garroth: I really like you! I’ve been trying to tell you since— ever since the first time I saw you on campus. The feelings I’ve had for you since high school… they haven’t left me. I just— I wanted to see if you and I could try to be something together. I understand I’ve done some horrible things to you, but… Aphmau: Garroth… what do you like about me? Garroth: Huh? Aphmau: What do you like about me, Garroth? Garroth: I, um… I like you mind, and body, and— wait, that wasn’t meant to say, I— Aphmau: Garroth… this hurts because I don’t want to turn you down. I want you to be happy, and I still want to be friends. Garroth… I need to tell you the truth. I’m not ready for a relationship right now. Garroth: You— you aren’t? Aphmau: I’m not. Garroth: When will you be? Aphmau: I don’t know, Garroth. Perhaps when I find the right person… I’m not saying that you’re not the right person, I’m just saying that finding the right person takes time for some people. For me that’s true. Garroth: I understand.  Aphmau: I get if you don’t want to be friends after this. But— Garroth: No! It’s— It’s my fault for bringing this to you so suddenly.  Aphmau: No, it’s not. If anything it’s mine for letting my heart close.

(I’d like to note that for some reason Aphmau insists that she’s the only one who should apologize in this situation, but years later when Aaron does something it’s fine for them to both apologize even though he didn’t do anything? Did she get less self aware as she grew up?)

Anyways, analyzing the nature of attraction is a common theme throughout this season. During EP.21, “Aphmau’s Date?” Betty asks Jenny about her feelings for Aaron.

Jenny: Betty, I think you’re overthinking this. Aaron is a simple guy who wants a family. Betty: What else do you know about him? Jenny: He likes Galaxy Wars, and… um… 

This culminates in EP.30, “Leaving The Past Behind,” when Jenny and Aaron have this conversation:

Aaron: Jenny, I’m sorry for—  Jenny: No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I was to you. The truth is, after talking to Betty and hearing Cathy just admit to what she did, I realized that I was more so in love with the idea of you and not really into you as a person. Aaron: ...Yeah. I could tell. Jenny: I think I have some things to think about when it comes to love. So, if this counts for anything… I’m really sorry about what I put you through. Aaron: I accept the apology. I just don’t want to go through that again. Jenny: Yeah. Well, see you around.

So, with this in mind, let’s look at how Aaron views Aphmau’s feelings about him. In EP.15 of Emerald Secret, after being stabbed and shoved off a cliff by a mind-controlled Aphmau, Garroth and Aaron say this:

Garroth: How are you even alive? I saw what Aph did to you… Aaron: That wasn’t Aph! She would never do that! Garroth: Aaron…  Aaron: Aphmau was the first friend I ever had. She was the first person to speak to me with compassion. She saw me for more than I was… and more than I ever will be.

To Aaron, Aphmau was the first person who ever showed him kindness. He spent his entire life being isolated and treated like a monster. He loves Aphmau because she loves him, and he thinks that he doesn’t even deserve that.

This is not a healthy way of looking at a relationship. Aphmau has gone her entire life with people who love her. During PDH, she has her mom, Travis, Vylad, Garroth, Laurance, and more. But during PDH, Aaron has no one. Feeling unlovable/unworthy, self-blame, extreme attachment behaviors in intimate relationships is commonly found in people who were emotionally abused as children. Aaron and Aphmau’s relationship is inherently imbalanced because unlike Aphmau, Aaron has almost no one else. While he does form more attachments as he grows up (Agent R., Garroth, etc.) Aaron is consistently seen as a loner who is outside the main group. This is especially relevant in Season 1. 

The thing is, they’ll never be on equal footing, because Aaron would never leave. In Season 6 EP.11, “End of a Lifetime,” Aphmau briefly doubts their relationship, stating that “Aaron would be better off without me.”

Irene in that scene assures her, existing as some kind of thesis statement of Aphmau’s character. ‘You deserve your friends even if they make mistakes because your friends make mistakes too and they choose to be with you,’ which on the surface isn’t like a bad message or anything, but in context it’s in somewhat bad taste. A recurring theme in Aphmau’s character is Aphmau saying “I’m bad” and another character going “no you’re good, actually” without any self reflection and that’s super harmful. What Irene’s missing in that scene is that the important part of mistakes is that you learn from them, not that you make them. Everyone can make mistakes, but not everyone learns from them. To be a better person you need to learn from your mistakes.

Aaron and Aphmau are not on equal footing in their relationship. When they meet, Aphmau has a parent who loves her, and has begun to make close friends in high school. Aaron has no one, and is being subjected to abuse that has altered the way he views others and himself. Their entire relationship is based on this disconnect, with their age gap when they meet signifying this (14 and 18), but neither of them are even functioning at the average for their age. Aphmau grew up homeschooled and isolated (albeit much less so than Aaron), while Aaron has no experience in any sort of positive relationship. Aphmau is the first ever person to be nice to Aaron. When he leaves after FCU, and Aphmau reenters his life, he is working dead end hard labour jobs with presumably no friends or support. She rescued him from a bad place in his life, something that he doesn’t think he can ever repay. Once again, as he says in Emerald Secret EP.15: “She saw me for more than I was, and more than I ever will be.” If he never thought he was any more than this, why would he see mistreatment as anything other than what he deserves?

That’s the core problem with Aphmau’s mistreatment him — he doesn’t review what she’s done and decide to stay with her, he is fundamentally unaware of what healthy relationships are like and believes that what aphmau does to him is justified, because she loves him and thinks he’s worth more than he actually is. Aaron isn’t self-aware when he decides to stay with Aphmau. He has no way of knowing that he should ever leave her if she harms him, and therefore Aphmau’s treatment of him is not justified just because he stays with her. 

Aphmau, understandably, has a lot of problems. However, the problem with this is while it explains her actions, they’re nowhere near justified. If you have trauma that causes you to lash out against your boyfriend, you shouldn’t have a boyfriend until you deal with these problems. She is still actively causing harm to Aaron even if her reasons are understandable. Just like that, Aaron is not justified in killing people over what he percieves as his death. When your relationship leads you to these lengths, there is no way it can be healthy.

There is no great redeeming outcome. Aaron ends the series blinded, bruised, scarred by the void, fresh off what is essentially a suicide attempt, lethargic and unable to walk and grasping at memories, perhaps a blessing consider now he doesn’t have the guilt of a body count weighing him down. Him and Aphmau are not reunited. It was all for nothing at all, for parents who abused him and friends who are his girlfriend’s friends, a girlfriend who he never saw as worthy of him.

In conclusion, do I think Aarmau is abusive? Ehh, not outright. But it’s definitely unhealthy to a major degree and I do think that these issues should be seriously acknowledged because it’s essential to understanding their dynamic and their character’s perspective, and bastardizing for ~wholesome~ shipping content is woefully boring, not to mention a complete lack of media literacy and respect for abuse narratives.

Anyways, thanks for reading! Feel free to comment if you have anything you want to say. Unless it’s “Aarmau is perfect! Don’t hate!” in which case I don’t care. I’m not hating, I like their relationship more than you, because I like it for what it actually is in canon instead of tricking myself. Just saying.