#this is a chronic pain thing I've dealt with for over a decade

[destinationtoast]

It's really, really nice to have a doctor say, "Oh yeah, that makes sense" after years of having people tell you your pattern of pain can't be happening and/or is inexplicable!

[theutiarchives]

12. SIX MONTHS

❦ I took a break from this page, as I was needing to regroup and focus on other issues as well on work, as these last few months have been incredibly busy and demanding.

I’ll try to keep things “on schedule” and copy paste my writings when I was getting to the 6month mark, although technically as I’m publishing this I’m fast approaching the 7th month. Head to the very end of the post for a quick bladder update only.

“It’s always tempting to write quick short posts, as they’re everyone’s favorite to read (for me too) but with any health issue that’s been going on for over a decade and especially when treatments left consequences it’s extremely hard to get them addressed at once and do a true “victory” post in just a couple of months. If only it was that easy! It’s like pealing an onion, but only backwards in this case: building layers of what went missing.

Over a decade of frequent antibiotics, infections, and very probably what I’m now finding out, a possible genetic deficiency, that can very well be one big culprit implicated in my rUTIs, culminated with:

• Wrecked gut health - addressing it; FMT if all fails/to complement. Have to win the lottery first, though. (Kidding but not kidding). Gut healing is extremely complex and throwing probiotics isn’t a cure. Also, I (still) can’t tolerate them. More on that for future posts.

• Absolute iron deficiency - only being able to tackle it now as in the past feeding bacteria with iron would make me have either a fungal or a bacterial bladder infection really fast. Even this isn’t being a linear path, and there are ups and downs.

• High risk HPV and chronic cervicitis - I have 3 high risk HPV bugs, history of cervical cancer (resulted in death) in direct family, with LSIL/CIN1 lesions. Chronic Cervicitis meaning my cervix is permantly inflamed causing dyspareunia (something I’ve never dealt with all my life).

• Painful period cramps and mastalgia - suspected endo/ possible hormone unbalance: addressing it and I’m 40-50% better; again, not linear, not fast, and definitly not new (it's been a while I've been doing the natural route on this topic, as the pill is off limits for me and never did anything but supress symptoms).

• Tinnitus, for a year, and total lack of earwax which culminated this year with a 3week crisis of Vertigo/BPPV, left me housebound for 2weeks. Tinnitus still ongoing but better; the rest: addressed.

• An altered immune marker /potential genetic deficiency, and not a "consequence", but still to be further investigated.

So, fun. But what I’ve found, with time, as I’m addressing all these things - some of them for a good while now - is that shamming, especially online, is real. And the worst part is that we tend to either acept it or give ourselves some pretty harsh self-criticism!.. Everyone believes a certain treatment for something is the best way and the next thing isn’t worth it. If there’s something I’ve learned in over a decade is that the best way is to incorporate knowledge from everywhere. It’s far too easy for some to look at this and say “hey you just need to control stress, eat very healthy and all the anti inflammatory foods and do a liver detox and take (insert whatever natural protocol) and your body will reborn like a Phoenix from the western medicine ashes”. Let me tell you it doesn’t work this easily for everyone. However, at the same time, they’re absolutely right, as all these things have to be done in order to rebalance/fight whatever it’s going on - no doubt. But it’s just not that fast, not that easy, not linear and it takes a lot of mental and routine commitments - AND - there isn’t “one way fits all”. As a Mediterranean diet follower if something I’ve done all my life was eating quite well. In fact, maybe that’s what kept me going despite multiple infections and problems for so long. I love nature, herbals, studying botanicals, incorporating them; I’ve tackled stress in a different way and did several lifestyle changes, and yes !! I’ve seen results. But I’m not born from the ashes still, for sure. No one knows everything. We all have these friends who can have sex all the time and eat horribly and don’t even know what’s like to feel sick or when was the last time they even went to the doctor. So the “why me, what have I done wrong” is a guilt response, one that doesn’t help us process things in a healthy way, and sometimes, the true answer is: nothing. Replacing these thoughts with: “there is always room for improvement and I’ll be working on several levels to try to bring my body back to balance/fight ___ with a stronger foundation” is much more helpful. It’s an up and down journey, for sure. :)

Having that said, how’s my bladder? Fine! I haven’t had an infection in 4 months, and no antibiotics, which is amazing, although pretty much avoiding a real trigger: sex. So, still no victory laps / fulguration "definite outcome" for me. From now on I’ll be resuming ‘sexy activities’ after a 9 month break (!..) but I’m feeling petrified still - my hands start sweating and I have these internal panic attacks just thinking about it. Ill do it only when I feel comfortable and ready and I’ll start really slow and gentle and just take PACs and Dmannose after and see how it goes.”

(as an European non-English native please feel free to correct me) Take care 🌿