#this is just one of my two or three essays on this topic lmfao

[dalermessi]

On August 6th, 1936, Josep Sunyol made a mistake that cost him his life. The Republican president of FC Barcelona, a proud Catalan, was executed by Nationalist forces in the midst of the Spanish Civil War, after saluting troops he mistakenly identified as part of the Republican resistance by yelling, “Viva la República,” (Camino, 2014). The assassination of Sunyol symbolized the beginning of an oppressive era where regional cultures were restrained in Spain, particularly the autonomous community of Catalonia. The most publicly admired and respected representation of Catalanism, Futbol Club Barcelona, colloquially known as Barça, faced countless hardships during the fascist dictatorship of Francisco Franco from 1939 to 1975. The club rapidly became one of the only ways the Catalan people could freely express themselves and fight against Franco, especially by playing the team that became the face of the regime, Real Madrid. In the present day, Barça continues to symbolize hope and freedom for Catalonians. Amid the rise of Francoist Spain in the mid-1900s, escalating tensions between Catalan club FC Barcelona and centralist Real Madrid transformed their rivalry into a political product representing the struggles of the Catalan people, illustrating how football transcends the limits of sport to reach social and political issues, particularly through the ambience of stadiums.

Throughout Spain, football stadiums became an essential place of solace for oppressed fans, where they were free to speak out on the issues that plagued their lives. People could openly express their identities in the stands, as matches between teams of different regions often represented a conflict larger than the game itself. One example of Catalonians using football for this purpose dates back to the pre-Franco era, when “the Spanish national anthem was played to a chorus of boos before a match at Les Corts, FC Barcelona’s stadium in 1925” (O’Brien, 2013). Even prior to Catalonians being officially repressed under Franco, it was clear that they valued their regional identity more strongly than their national one.

As the dictatorship grew stronger, regional teams like FC Barcelona faced the brunt of the nationalist policies. In promoting a unified Spain, the regime heavily cracked down on aspects of localized culture. The Catalan language, in all forms, was banned in public, and only Castilian Spanish was permitted (Shobe, 2008). An order passed in 1941 required that the Catalan name of “Futbol Club Barcelona” be renamed to the Spanish “Club de Fútbol de Barcelona” (Kassimeris, 2012). The Catalan senyera flag was also banned, and so the senyera in FC Barcelona’s coat of arms was replaced with the newly created flag representing the fascist state (Shobe 2008). Under the severe Castilization of their environment, the people of Catalonia were being stripped of their identities right in front of their eyes. With essentially no power, the Catalan people “threw their cultural pride into Barça. At a Barça match, people could shout in Catalan and sing traditional songs when they could do it nowhere else” (Shobe, 2008). Inside the stadium was where it was openly acceptable to oppose the restrictions of the regime and where liberation felt most realistic.

On the other side of the country, Real Madrid was thriving as the favorite club of the regime. Franco believed the Spanish national team was not gaining enough traction internationally, as they did not qualify for the World Cup multiple times in a row and performed poorly the years they did. Fortunately for him, “the image of the Spanish national team was blurred by the prevalence and success of Real Madrid in European Football from 1956,” effectively thrusting the club into the international spotlight (Goig, 2007). Real Madrid won five consecutive European Cups from 1956 to 1960, and their recognition both in and out of Spain surged with each victory (Quiroga, 2015). The relationship between the team and the regime was undoubtedly symbiotic. Real Madrid portrayed a positive image of the dictatorship to international audiences, while Franco gave them his full-fledged support and funds. In the 1960s, as television ownership grew across the country, Real Madrid was the most broadcasted team (O’Brien, 2013). The increased public exposure to the club acted as justification for the actions of the fascist regime, because people started paying more attention to football than to the government. Supporters of Real Madrid, known as madridistas, had no idea what was happening politically behind closed doors, nor did they seem to care.

The matches between FC Barcelona and Real Madrid, termed el clásico, were expectedly controversial. Spanish media outlets moved quickly to polarize the two sides, with newly-created “Marca” pushing for Real Madrid and the dictatorship, while “El Mundo Deportivo” supported FC Barcelona and ultimately the oppressed people of Catalonia (O’Brien, 2013). The politicization of the sporting rivals is seen best in a famed clásico played in June 1943, the second leg of a knockout round in the Spanish Cup. FC Barcelona had won the first game 3-0 and were on track to advance to the next round, until police officials entered the Catalan locker room before the game. Flash forward a few hours, and Real Madrid won the game with a score of 11 to 1 (Shobe, 2008). The interference by the Francoist police no doubt played a significant role in Barça losing so severely. While it is not known what exactly was told to the Barcelona players in the locker room, it can be inferred that they were threatened to purposefully lose the game, otherwise, they could lose their lives.

As the dictator fell ill, FC Barcelona worked to reverse the impacts of his policies and reclaim their Catalan identity. During the 1973-1974 season, they shed the Spanish name of “Club de Fútbol de Barcelona” and went back to the Catalan version it currently holds (Shobe, 2008). Additionally, in 1975, the club switched the official language back to Catalan, thus once again proudly representing the people of Catalonia (Quiroga, 2015). After Franco’s death, the effects of the regime collapsing were felt immediately in stadiums across the country. One clásico played just a month after Franco’s death in 1975 experienced the largest public emergence of senyera flags since the Civil War, and in Basque Country, a similarly tyrannized region of Spain, a game between two local teams “witnessed the spectacle of both captains carrying the Basque flag on to the pitch before the game” in early 1976 (O’Brien, 2013). Events that would have been inconceivable just months earlier were now reality, as stadiums reflected the transition back to a more accepting nation.

These bold representations of cultural unity at football games did not cease in the years after Franco. In fact, they have grown stronger in the 21st century. In the 2009 Spanish Cup final between Basque side Athletic Club de Bilbao and FC Barcelona, the crowd vehemently booed King Juan Carlos I and the Spanish national anthem before kickoff (Ortega, 2015). Decades later, supporters have not forgotten the unjust treatment they were put through and are still vocal about it during matches. A fan of Celta de Vigo, situated in once-repressed Galicia, proclaimed that “On going to a match we never forget Galician prisoners, repression, the secular subjection of Galicia... Spain limits the ways in which we can fight, so football is a way of voicing our demands” (Spaaij & Viñas, 2013). While fans of teams in marginalized regions use every opportunity they can to bring light to the maltreatment and discrimination of their pasts, for the most part, Real Madrid supporters do not follow the same path. In 2010, when Real Madrid beat FC Barcelona 1-0 in the Spanish Cup final, a large group of madridistas gathered in downtown Madrid, carrying Spanish flags while cheering “I’m a Spaniard, Spaniard, Spaniard” (Ortega, 2015). It is incredibly telling that in choosing to reaffirm their national identity rather than regional, madridistas see themselves as representing the entire country. As Franco’s Spanish Nationalist movement saw its triumph over Republican forces as a victory for Spain, madridistas still see a Real Madrid victory over a formerly oppressed team as a win for the whole nation.

In 2017, Catalonia became the forefront of global news as violence broke out amidst an independence referendum. On October 1st, the autonomous community conducted a vote regarding whether Catalonia should declare independence from the Kingdom of Spain, and the regional government announced that out of 2.25 million votes, about 90% were in favor of separating (Dewan, Clarke, & Cotovio, 2017). Unfortunately, the vote was heavily obstructed by the Madrid government. National forces were sent in from the capital, “fir[ing] rubber bullets at protesters and voters trying to take part in the referendum, and us[ing] batons to beat them back,” injuring around 900 people (Dewan et al., 2017). Predictably, FC Barcelona is often utilized to discuss and promote Catalonian independence, such as in 2010 when a banner declaring that “Catalonia is not Spain” was displayed during a game against English club Arsenal (O’Brien, 2013). When the central government began plans to thwart voting earlier in September of 2017, Barça decided to speak out. The club released a statement on Twitter, expressing that “FC Barcelona...remain[s] faithful to its historic commitment to the defense of the nation, to democracy, to freedom of speech, and to self-determination...FC Barcelona...will continue to support the will of the majority of Catalan people” (FC Barcelona, 2017). In openly showing support towards Catalan citizens’ voting rights and the independence referendum, Barça effectively bridges the gap between sports and politics. This is a two-way street: FC Barcelona stands up for their adherents, just as fans turn to the club to escape injustice time and time again. Coincidentally, Barça had a game scheduled the same day as the vote, which was played behind closed doors in order to eliminate the possibility of violence erupting in the crowd. The opposing team, Las Palmas, wore “special uniforms emblazoned with the Spanish flag,” something very out of the ordinary (Minder & Barry, 2017). Such a display could not tell a more pointed message.

The Franco dictatorship shaped the future of Spanish football forever, with Real Madrid and FC Barcelona at the forefront of the action. Real Madrid’s consistent success found them gaining the trust of the regime, which showcased the club’s victories as a positive interpretation of the fascist dictatorship itself. The desire of a unified, homogeneous Spanish state fueled regional tension, especially in Catalonia. Despite having their language and flag taken away, the Catalan people sought comfort in the stadium of FC Barcelona, where they could freely sing and speak and cheer for their team. In the decades after Franco, FC Barcelona has captivated audiences across Spain and the globe, cementing the club’s status as the most powerful cultural institution of Catalonia. “When the team took the field against FC Valencia in February 2012, nine players from the starting 11 emerged from the club’s Cantera System” (O’Brien, 2013), illustrating the importance Barça places on homegrown players. By providing unmatched talent bred exclusively in the club’s own youth academy, FC Barcelona is ensuring that they are conveying the best image of Catalanism to the rest of the world. As the Catalan struggle for independence continues, Barça was, is, and will continue to be a significant characteristic of the identities of millions of Catalonians. FC Barcelona represented hope in a time where its people needed it the most, and it is still the most influential institution in Catalonia to this day. The club and region are inextricably intertwined, as best seen in the passionate cheer: “Visca el Barça i visca Catalunya” - long live FC Barcelona and long live Catalonia.

References

Camino, M. (2014). ‘Red Fury’: Historical memory and Spanish football. Memory Studies,7(4), 500-512. doi:10.1177/1750698014531594

Dewan, A., Clarke, H., & Cotovio, V. (2017, October 02). Catalonia referendum: What just happened? CNN. Retrieved from https://www.cnn.com/2017/10/02/europe/catalonia- independence-referendum-explainer/index.html

Goig, R. L. (2007). Identity, nation‐state and football in Spain. the evolution of nationalist feelings in Spanish Football. Soccer & Society,9(1), 56-63. doi:10.1080/14660970701616738

FC Barcelona, @FCBarcelona. (20 September, 2017). Communique - Attached Image. [Twitter post]. Retrived from https://twitter.com/FCBarcelona/status/910462298908708864

Kassimeris, C. (2012). Franco, the popular game and ethnocentric conduct in modern Spanish football. Soccer & Society,13(4), 555-569. doi:10.1080/14660970.2012.677228

Minder, R., & Barry, E. (2017, October 01). Catalonia's Independence Vote Descends Into Chaos and Clashes. The New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/01/ world/europe/catalonia-independence-referendum.html

O’Brien, J. (2013). ‘El Clasico’ and the demise of tradition in Spanish club football: Perspectives on shifting patterns of cultural identity. Ethnicity and Race in Association Football, 25-40. doi:10.4324/9781315094304-3

Ortega, V. R. (2015). Soccer, nationalism and the media in contemporary Spanish society: La Roja, Real Madrid & FC Barcelona. Soccer & Society,17(4), 628-643. doi:10.1080/14660970.2015.1067793

Quiroga, A. (2015). Spanish Fury: Football and National Identities under Franco. European History Quarterly,45(3), 506-529. doi:10.1177/0265691415587686

Shobe, H. (2008). Place, identity and football: Catalonia, Catalanisme and Football Club Barcelona, 1899–1975. National Identities, 10(3), 329-343. doi:10.1080/14608940802249965

Spaaij, R., & Viñas, C. (2013). Political ideology and activism in football fan culture in Spain: A view from the far left. Soccer & Society, 14(2), 183-200. doi:10.1080/14660970.2013.776467

[moe-broey]

One thing I think about how autism can be (mistakenly) shaved down to just Having Interests You're Passionate About, is like. The huge difference between me and my sister(s) actually. Both of my sisters are avid manga collectors, like, I am not kidding I know at least one of them as a manga count in the 1000s (EDIT: this is true! For one of them. The other has a 2000+ count). I'm specifically also thinking about my sister who's more into video games too. And how for her and myself, both of these things just?? Manifest so differently?

Like yeah she's a collector she has a HUGE collection. Meanwhile, I have always described myself as having "niche" interests -- not as in, my interests are obscure, but as in, they're very few and VERY specific. I'm only actively collecting three series right now (and only two, before Dungeon Meshi). The other two are Toilet Bound Hanako-kun and Devil's Candy. I love stories about ghosts, I love all the creativity that goes into monster designs, and I like them a bit fun and silly! (Of course, with a few heavy/serious emotional beats/themes here and there). And for Dungeon Meshi, I think the setting of my Special Interest (FE) is carrying over, while also having an extremely appealing art style (that's another factor!). Plus, ALL of the creative designs that go into it, from the adventurers to the monsters.

Beyond that, the only other manga I tend to be interested in is queer stuff. And I am a little picky about it! Go For It, Nakamura! is a fun one-shot for me (though I think there might be another one now?), Roadqueen: Eternal Roadtrip to Love is another delightful one-shot, Love Me For Who I Am is one I CANNOT recommend ENOUGH, and also I find autobiographies extremely insightful though I can't do them all the time (one I'd HIGHLY recommend but with trigger warnings is My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness).

I'm. Getting off topic I think LMFAO but. My main point is that, I have a very narrow set of interests, which means my manga collection is very small actually. It can actually be very difficult to get myself to try something New.

Also I'm realizing the video game point got lost, but that one is huge too. The way my sister interacts w her interest in video games is actually Very different than how I do. Same core, we both really enjoy it! And given the time and motivation, she Could write entire essays on what she's most passionate about. Though, this Is harder to place actually -- because on the surface, it's extremely similar, isn't it? Because I can (and do LMFAO), too! The infinite feedback loop is SO FUN.

But I think, maybe the Core difference is. Especially with Fire Emblem, and FEH/Alfonse/Sharena Specifically. That is where my special interest lies, and I am CONSTANTLY. Using both Alfonse and Sharena as proxies to navigate my own thoughts and feelings. To examine them, recontextualize them, and ESPECIALLY to comprehend and study things that don't come naturally to me. It's also just all I'm thinking about 90% of the time. Sometimes to the point where I can't pull myself away or it prevents me from interacting with other things.

LIKE. I AM. LOSING THE POINT A BIT. But I think what I'm trying to express, is that my sisters are far more well-rounded about their interests. And that, while one of my sisters is extremely passionate and interested in video games like I am (honestly thanks to her LMFAOO), it just shows. So differently.

[cobaltiris]

Black Holes essay

DO NOT STEAL. THIS IS MY ESSAY I WROTE FOR 8TH GRADE! It is so bad lmfao. This is from 5 years ago. I just want to archive it

What are black holes according to Stephen Hawking?

When physicist Stephen Hawking wrote his book A Brief History of Time, on many topics on time and the universe, he wrote two whole chapters on black holes. When the book was written, black holes were theoretical. It's only for the first time that a photo was taken in April 2019. This report is going to be based off what Stephen Hawking found out and from the sources he used as well such as Einstein's theory of relativity. Some alternate sources will be used to explain more in a broader and simpler sense of what Hawking said.

Hawking wrote "To understand how a black hole might be formed, we first need an understanding of the life cycle of a star." A star is mostly made up of hydrogen and there is such an immense amount of mass starts to collapse because of the strong gravitational pull. As the atoms build up and start to interact quickly, the gas heats up and the reaction causes the star to shine. Certain stars can eventually form into a white dwarf, a small star with hundreds of tons of mass and can stay this way a very long time. To start off, gravitational pull in a black hole is very strong as shown in the example in the next paragraph. Light cannot escape as it is sucked in and while the star contracts, "the gravitational field at its surface gets stronger and the light cones get bent inward more." The region in which nothing can escape is the black hole.

The entirety of space is three dimensions and in Einstein's theories, the fourth dimension is time. The universe is seen as one sheet or grid. A big object of mass such as a planet falls on the grid and can warp space-time. This means that the gravity is the curvature of the universe. For example, Stephen Hawking was writing (before black holes were 100% proven true), "observations with the Hubble telescope of the galaxy known as M87 reveal that it contains a disk of gas 130 light-years across rotating about a central object two thousand million times the mass of the sun. This can only be a black hole." Hawking was making his point that something with that much mass could only be a black hole because of all the infinite mass surrounding it that gets pulled in forever and this type is categorized as a supermassive black hole.

When black holes were still theoretical, Stephen Hawking made a very interesting point that to detect them, because of the huge gravitational pull and the infinite mass, objects nearby would be affected by this. Any mass of celestial object that comes near the black hole will distort, be sucked in or torn apart. For example, stars' and their, "remains, and gas that is thrown off other stars, will fall toward the black hole." This means that when the stars come too close, the force of the hole will suck it in and could potential release X-rays.

Depending on perspective, an observer would see different things around the hole. If someone was outside a black hole, the gravitation force would be so strong that they would get stretched out like a noodle; this process is called spaghettification. It's not relevant to the collapse except demonstrating the effects of the gravity around the event horizon. The event horizon is the boundary of the blackhole where no light can escape.

Another mathematical physicist, Roger Penrose whom Hawking worked with researched and found out that, "according to general relativity, there must be a singularity of infinite density and space-time curvature within a black hole." In a more simplified idea, this means that a because a black hole has so much mass and can greatly warp spacetime curving it, there has to be a point with infinite mass (the singularity).

Depending on perspective, if an astronaut were to be somewhat close to the black hole, they would see different effects happening. The event horizon is the boundary of black hole and it falls in the way of the light rays. For a simple visual, the event horizon is like the atmosphere on a planet, and the black hole itself is one big black sphere. Hawking describes it as a "one-way membrane." From a view outside the Everything fails to escape from the black hole and it just gets sucked in further and further causing more mass to build up. In my own words, I would say black holes are like an infinite pit where anything can go in and there is enough room and it never comes out but I'm sure someone else has said that.

Hawking wrote a chapter that went more in depth into black holes applying quantum theory into black holes. When applied, it changes the physics and theories of properties of black holes. Because the paper I am writing is talking briefly about black holes, this paper will not mention the quantum theory but summarizing the temperatures, as a black hole loses mass, the temperature increases. It is possible for a black hole to lose mass relating to thermodynamic physics and a type of thermal radiation called Hawking Radiation. In the end, Hawking theorized that when a black hole contracts, it will just "disappear, at least from our region of the universe, taking with it the astronaut and any singularity there might be inside it" and it was an indication of the possibility of removing singularities with the quantum physics applied.

Black holes can be very simple and complex at the same time when it is looked at from different perspectives. They are an interesting topic in the universe and still to this day many questions are lurking around. It is hard to imagine a ball of mass so powerful that it can pull light in that cannot escape. A dense small star evolves into a big ball bigger than the sun and given the scale, that is truly supermassive. Stephen Hawking was a very smart man and probably one of the best of the 20th-21st century. It is probably true that no human will ever get remotely close to a black hole, but even if they did, would they want to go in? I found out so much more than I already knew about black holes especially the more detailed properties. Maybe sometime in the future, I will explore deeper into the topic and go into the physics of black holes and find my own ideas. Hawking did use theories of many other mathematicians and physicists to form his own theories himself. In a parallel universe, perhaps there is an answer to everything and black holes and in our own world, the acquired knowledge of black holes will not be lost in a void of singularity.

Loff, Sarah. "Black Hole Image Makes History; NASA Telescopes Coordinate Observation." NASA. NASA, April 10, 2019. https://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/chandra/news/black-hole-image-makes-history.

Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, (New York: Random House US, 2018), p. 84

Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, (New York Random House US 2018),p. 88

Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, (New York: Random House US 2018), p. 99

Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, (New York: Random House US 2018), p. 98

J. Craig Wheeler, Cosmic Catastrophes: Exploding Stars, Black Holes, and mapping the universe, (Cambridge University Press 2007), p. 182

Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, (New York: Random House US 2018), p. 90

Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, (New York: Random House US 2018), p. 92

Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, (New York: Random House US 2018), p. 111

Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, (New York: Random House US 2018), p. 116

[lokisrevolt]

Let's summarize this month. Started I had a partner of whom I was excited to talk to constantly and was finishing Christmas arrangements with everything I'd memorized. The sixth into the seventh I knew they were on a trip but I'd had to stop larger situations of stimuli for them for a full night I was wishing for thirty seconds to a minute maybe they had some special thing to say planned. They were late to say even the littlest happy birthday when a friend of mine of 0 obligation from a promise wrote a full fucking essay and had it sent right on time. I got three heart emojis, a texted happy birthday, and a 4 second voice message for an I love you. Which on it's own upset me no big deal got hung up on things. Eventually about an hour and a half later I'm fairly annoyed get to talk for a bit... I dont think at any point in that call I got a happy birthday or any sign of them actually having planned anything for the happy birthday unfortunately. So I got pissed, I was never taught to be sad. Over a decade that was fucking beat out until anger was a natural response. The two years we'd been together I'd never yelled when the anger grips nor did I lash with what would actually break them. At the time and even now it still feels they only ever did sexual things with me, after all that time I spent with their anxiety and shit self confidence, to prove they could. I did notice the protections of insecurities that always comes out when I'm feeling so heavily devalued in the moment. I scheduled another appointment with a counselor. I still even with the counselor feel used by the situation but eh. I did mopey bullshit for a few days, got blocked on everything. A couple days after being blocked they posted a video about me being toxic and "not changing after two years so what would one more do." When I never asked for a year. When the last conversation about the topic of me opening up was I was seeking a fucking counselor. After this the tournament I was looking forward to got canceled. Then the anniversary of one of my favorite people killing themself... Id give the fucking world to have him back. That way my other friends wouldn't be so sad every year. Thanksgiving came around, back in my hostile environment. With no one to talk to to keep me grounded I properly snapped. My older brother had been the reason mi sorellina had been so wildly different from the one I knew. If my ex sees this they know what happened to him given mi sorellina was the only person who outranked them fully priority wise. And the partner's encounter was an almost story not a it happened story. So yeah to put it brief lost family. My father had another heart attack. As for the good, after the breakup I'd spent a lot of time cuddled with and getting sliced by an ex. Physical pain is easier for me. I had a social with 30ish people in my apartment. I spent Thanksgiving break mostly lit and I got some stress out on a soon to be military boy while teaching them boundaries the only way I know how. So yeah. Fuck my birth month lol. I just wanted one good birthday in my fucking life lmfao.

[clumsyclifford]

psa i am so fucking sorry that every time i talk about my love for ross lynch i can’t shut the fuck up without writing a whole essay omfg

ok so this is very very off topic. but the driver era dropped a single tonight (it’s called leave me feeling confident. i am giving it a first listen as i type this). and like seeing the tracklisting for the album that’s coming out in october really has me like ???. they’ve already released 10 of the 15 songs on the album. why are they still releasing singles. and one of the 5 songs left to be released is an interlude?? like. it’s just weird tbh. like a kiss and forever always are both on it and those songs were released on like a mini ep as singles nearly TWO YEARS AGO. omg plz don’t come around (my fav fav fav song by them) and flashdrive are also both on it, which both came out like a year and a half ago. it just seems like such a weird way to release an album.

but anyways ! leave me feeling confident doesn’t seem awful. definitely will have to grow on me. i adore #1 fan, the last single they released, and no it isn’t because ross looked hot in the video. not at all. um yeah that’s all. i love ross and rocky with my entire heart but sometimes with their music i am simply confused. it just leaves me like ??? wyd. um ross did one of those going undercover on social media interviews a few weeks ago and i was just reminded of how in love with him i am. his lack of personality <33 my himbo <33 did you know he knows how to fly a plane. because their dad is a pilot. not only can i offer bella lore. i also have endless lynch family lore.

what’s some useless r5 lore. let me think. before sometime last night came out they had planned on releasing an album in like august-september of 2014?? but it kept getting delayed. not much of an explanation for why. anyways then sln didn’t come out until july of 2015 and i just remember being pissed about it. my mom took me to see them live (love her for that <33) onnnn july 25(?) that same year. i memorized the entire album in like two weeks. you know that meme that was popular for a second. the this can’t be the same brain meme. well this can’t be the same brain i used to memorize the entirety of sometime last night in 2 weeks. i wish i was her. OH more not really r5 but tde lore: omg plz don’t come around was written about a toxic relationship their youngest brother, ryland, was in where his gf kept cheating on him. ryland was their only sibling who wasn’t a member of r5.

the name of the band being r5 was a flat out LIE. yeah there were 5 of them. but the drummer’s name was ellington ratliff. ellington does not in fact start with R. he’s the only one who wasn’t related. him and rydel dated for several years?? FUN RANDOM FACT I JUST REMEMBERED. he was on the first episode of victorious??? lmfao this is one of my fav r5 crumbs. the very first episode of victorious. at the very beginning. tori is working on like this project for school at their kitchen table with this random boy who gets like 2 mins total of screen time. That Was Ellington. anyways ! then rydel & ellington broke up. i don’t think my heart has ever been crushed as much as it was the day rydel announced they had broken up. wait that’s a lie my heart was more broken when r5 rebranded without any prior announcement before doing it. but now he’s a pos so who cares ! I Am Sorry That Every Ask I Send About R5 Is An Essay. - bella !!!!!! (is it even necessary to sign off on asks like this. who else is coming to your ask box and sending essays about ross lynch)

((ok im gonna listen to the new single while i answer this bc i was just not aware of that happening))

uhhh........................what ??? the fuck ????????? i agree with all of that first of all god damn it why are they rereleasing these songs thats going to fuck up my spotify so fucking much second of all if theyve already released 2/3rds of their album why the fuck are they still releasing songs!!!! is it too late to pray the tracklist is a fake one meant to throw people off the scent. that would be nice. i'm legitimately kind of annoyed about this what the fuck is the point of this move boys i do not understand the logic

ok im really liking leave me feeling confident the vibes are interesting but the bass is soooooo sexy and when a song has a sexy bassline it always kicks up like at least three notches for me this song would probably be like a 6 without it but it's fully a 9 with it. SAX???? TLL ME THAT WAS A SAXOPHONE????? ok well i will say this, tde know how to arrange a song bro. they know how to throw cool sounds onto a track bro. also i am really liking the half steps in this song. like the flats in the melody. im not REALLY a music person im just talking.

oh bro back when i got into a&a/tde/r5 a bit i went on a tde interview binge so don't worry i have seen All the content, although a lot of it only once. but i distinctly remember one where they were going through their camera rolls and ross had a picture of nature or whatever and rocky asked him why and ross was like "bro you know i love nature" and that's the description of my tde complete works playlist because it makes me laugh. omg i was looking through my dms with iba for the video and i FOUND IT it's this one and it was actually his first instagram post not his camera roll but anyway the nature moment is at 2:30 and it makes me laugh. that video is actually so funny ross being like ?! i never got that shirt! or that trophy! im tryna call disney up............. bella if you just sent into a tde tailspin i will be very upset with you. while im at it though the other ross lynch quote that sends me off a fucking cliff is when shawn mendes/camila cabello's relationship gets brought up i don't remember how and ross lynch goes "we all know that relationship is fabricated!" can you imagine just being ross lynch im literally in love with him. im going to try and hunt down this interview one sec OKAY iba found it for me it's here anyway you've probably seen these already but they make me laugh

to be FAIR to ratliff though they never promised all first names would start with R and since one of his names started with R i think he can pass. i did actually know that i have a basic grasp of r5 lore although i did not know he was in victorious that's really funny good for him. not sure what a pos is but im happy for him i guess ? anyway thank you for the essay you got me rewatching tde interviews which are a nice way to spend an afternoon so thank you

[lilnasxvevo]

I wrote an essay once when it was really late and I was really frustrated

I am not going to send it to my literary journal and I did not even hand it in for the class I wrote it for (the next essay I wrote was passable enough to submit) but I think it is kind of funny so I am going to share it with you

Zoom Zoom

           Draft number four of this FUCKING essay because I can’t FUCKING write. I just through out the last three because they sucked and excuse my language but I’m so frustrated at myself and I typed the wrong homophone in the last sentence and I went back and changed it but then I changed it back so you understand where I’m at right now because I NEVER!! MAKE!! SPELLING MISTAKES!! I was on the editorial staff of my high school newspaper for two years and that shit was flawless! I was editor in chief and that shit was free of god damn error! I do not make! Spelling mistakes!

           I’m so frustrated because part of me just wants to write about a motherfucking TV show and the rest of me is like, “No, Thomas, that’s so fucking stupid, write about something that’s serious, something people can take seriously, something people can respect, but NOT something boring” and I’m like OK!! WELL!! THAT’S A TALL ORDER YOU’VE GIVEN YOURSELF TOMMY BOY!!

           I’ve been trying to copy the style of the essays we’ve been reading in the last three drafts I just started and abandoned. I wrote…lets see…(I will be keeping all future grammar and spelling errors that I make) over 1300 words that way so far today. Fuck it!! I am going to be writing like ME and what I write like is a protagonist from a really sub-par young adult novel. I read a lot of those! But I was already like that before I read all those books. Actually most of the ones I read are pretty great. Holly Black, David Levithan, uh those Girl, 15, Charming but Insane books I forget who writes them but if I look it up I have to stop my timer and that is just not happening—check em out, they’re great. Oh, Eoin Colfer, too. I have his autograph! I actually also have David’s.

           I made a list of all the things I could write this essay about. I didn’t want to write about being queer again because I don’t want you people to pigeonhole me. There’s like 50 items on that list. I’ll spare you. The list sucks. I texted my best friend “What should I write this essay about” and she said “Roman Catholicism” and I was like “Maybe” and she was like “Vampires” and I was like “LMFAO you will never believe what I wrote last time spoiler it was vampires.”

           I have ADHD. Sometimes this surprises people! Sometimes it does not! Usually it doesn’t surprise other people who have ADHD because we go based on our lived experiences instead of stereotypes unlike SOME people. I was diagnosed when I was 17 which is super super late but they literally, and you can look this up, base most criteria off of the symptoms of little white cisgender boys, who are usually hyperactive, and I was inattentive type. My third grade teacher used to slap my desk with a ruler when I spaced out. She never brought up my attention issues to anyone else. I hated her. I still hate her. Curse you, Cathy Sellers!!

           I have chilled out on the caps lock because maybe that was kind of a gimmick. Ok. Well. The ADHD. I actually don’t remember why I brought up ADHD, which is classic ADHD. Oh. I think it was to say that maybe you will be surprised that the inside of my head is this giant mess. Not to be all “welcome to my twisted mind” or that edgy shit. Maybe I’m trying to make an embarrassing essay on purpose. The point is some people think I’m very composed and stuff and the inside of my head has never once been composed. Well, maybe a few times. I miss standardized testing because they don’t really matter and they were fun to focus on and it was fun to fill the bubbles in and they made me feel smart. I am smart. I promise I’m smart. Sometimes people think I’m dumb because I’m a trans man which I don’t understand but I promise I’m smart.

           I just slapped my face to try to get myself to wake up a little bit. I am wiped. That cold that’s been going around is kicking my ass, though not as bad as it’s kicking the ass of other students in this class who I have maybe potentially had to drive to the pharmacy this week.

           I am so obsessed with this show on BBC America right now called Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. In ADHD circles this is sometimes called a hyperfixation—it’s kind of like the special interests autistic people have, surprise surprise ADHD and autism are both developmental disorders and they have a lot in common. Dirk Gently is all I can think about. It’s a really great show and I loved it last season because it has the actor Samuel Barnett as the lead actor and I swore my fealty to him in like 2014 and then he got a lead on a TV show which is crazy because he never gets big roles like that so I was like NICE!!! Yeah, so last season was sci-fi, and the show is really great and it has this big diverse cast and all the characters are really interesting and the show never leans on stereotype instead of fleshing out a character as a unique person and there were electric crossbows last season that were designed by that Adam Savage dude from Mythbusters. So but this season, THIS SEASON, is SO good because apparently the show is planning on “switching genres” every season but with the same main cast so now they’ve been running around trying to find each other after everyone got separated at the end of last season (spoiler) and now they’re all in Montana and instead of sci-fi it’s FANTASY which is my FAVORITE. There’s another dimension that’s this great high-fantasy nation called Wendimoor and there’s a door between the valley of Inglenook and this one town in Montana for reasons that I refuse to explain, just watch the show. Ok and in Inglenook, there’s—it’s kind of sketchy how it works but there’s this guy named Panto Trost who has pink hair (his whole family has pink hair and it’s unclear if it’s genetic or if they dye it as a tribal marker or something, and when I first saw it I was like, HOLY SHIT, WHY DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT), and he’s the prince of Inglenook, and there’s this guy named Silas Dengdamor, who’s some kind of minor prince in Inglenook somehow, and THEY. ARE. A GAY INTERRACIAL HIGH FANTASY COUPLE. THEY ARE IN LOVE.

           And the guy who plays Silas, Lee Majdoub, he’s really active on Twitter and Tumblr, which is crazy because almost no one is active on Tumblr under their real name and it’s mostly just depressed young adults like me, but Lee fields questions about the show all the time and talks about how it was an honor to play a gay prince and he has so much love for Silas and he put so much work into this character which you can tell because he has an answer ready for everything. Has he ridden that train we saw? Is he gay or bi or what? What are his hobbies? If he lived in our world what would his favorite movie be? His five favorite songs? Does he agree with his family’s stance on the feud? (Oh my god I forgot to MENTION that the Trosts and the Dengdamors are TWO FAMILIES AT WAR, which makes Silas and Panto basically gay Romeo and Juliet, but hopefully they won’t die but Dirk Gently is a “don’t get attached” kind of show.)

           And did I mention he’s respectful??? My favorite answer he’s ever given is when someone asked him what it was like to kiss Chris Russell (the other actor), which is a question every fucking presumed-straight actor gets when they play a gay role, and since there is a 4 inch height difference between them, Lee answered something like, “It was a little weird because Chris is very tall, so I felt a little like Natalie Portman in Thor. Natalie Portman and I both have dark hair so we’re practically twins.” Also he is very handsome. It is important that Lee Majdoub is very handsome. Okay, it’s important to me.

           Wow, glad I got that off my chest. It’s kind of all I ever want to talk about. Two weeks ago, before I could do my actual writing assignment for the day, I had to freewrite about Kevin Spacey for like AN HOUR. What I wrote ended up being kind of unusable for this class thus far, I just haven’t been pleased enough with the way it handled a very sensitive topic to hand it in, but it was about Kevin Spacey and Jeffrey Dahmer and OUT magazine and news media and Anthony Rapp and me.

           I wanted to write about a historical figure for this paper but all the ones I could think of that I have a strong connection to were gay. While I was typing that sentence, I thought of Dorothy Parker. Well, shit. Another day, then.

           This paper is what we call a RISK!!! pleasedontfailme

           Here are some excerpts from the other three papers I tried to write today:

·         Sometimes I sing and dance in front of them. Sometimes I scream. One time, I stood on a desk.

·         The last time I told her I was proud of her I could only do it because she had consumed an obscene amount of wine and called me to talk about one of Shakespeare’s history plays

·         I am afraid that I am a husk a husk a HUSK a husK a husk a husk a husk of Corn-ell because

I promise these essays were not good. These were the only good parts. I wanted to include them because I wanted you to understand that I covered a lot of fucking ground before settling on whatever the fuck this is. I am sorry if you feel you would rather be reading one of those other essays, but I did not want to write them.

           I just scrolled back up to the top because I remembered abruptly that this essay doesn’t have a name. It’s called Zoom Zoom now. When my sister is bored while she drives, she says, “Zoom zoom! We’re zooming!” She is 24 and has a master’s degree. This particular catchphrase of hers always comes to mind when I try to describe how my brain works—childish, too fast, bored. Her boyfriend says “Brroom brroom” when he drives. I think he picked it up from her. He calls me Thomathy. Because Thomas can be Tom for short and Tom is like Tim and Tim is short for Timothy. Get it? He says “Thomathy” sounds like a disease. I think he likes me anyway. Even though one time during a heated game of Monopoly I told him I would eat chips at his funeral.

           I have three cats. One is ten years old, the other two are one. I have a rabbit. He’s a jerk. That’s all you need to know about me. Oh, I’m from Wisconsin. My favorite color is orange.

           Yeah so thanks for coming to my TED talk. Please buy a t-shirt on my way out, they’re $20. I know TED talks don’t usually have t-shirts but I want your money. Yes. Now scram.

  Are they gone?

Jesus, I’m so fucking tired.