#this is like when scott ran relationship therapy. girl can you really be talking

[mcybree]

hey i know ur limlifeblogging right now but i'm rewatching secret life and can we talk about scott joking with mumbo about jimmy having commitment issues

IM CRYING

[myraelvira]

Soilent Green's Accidents

Soilent Green’s First Accident

Technically, if we’re going to be funny, Soilent Green’s first accident was their song, “It Was Just An Accident”, which is the first song on their album, “Sewn Mouth Secrets”. I’ve been told that the song was written about a girl that they knew, who drank a lot and got into some bad relationships (as told to me by Ben).

But the focus of this is about the two motor vehicle accidents that the band got in.

On December 4th, 2001, Soilent Green got into an accident. One article from Lambgoat, posted on December 5th, 2001, stated that Soilent got into an early morning crash, that resulted in “numerous injuries, forcing the band to cancel its touring plans” for the rest of 2001.

At around 4am Pacific Standard Time, the band’s van rolled 4 times on an icy, snow covered road, in Eastern Washington. Brian Patton and Scott Williams suffered broken bones in the shoulder area. Tommy Buckley and Ben Falgoust escaped with minor injuries. At the time, they were on tour for the “Extreme Music For Extreme People Tour”. All of the band gear survived the crash.

On January 2, 2002, Lambgoat posted an article about how Scott Williams was recovering, and in good spirits, but still in pain.

Soilent Green’s Second Accident

Less than six months later, around April 13th, 2002, Soilent got into an accident again, on the road. This time, the band got into a crash in Chicago, Illinois. Jon Model, their touring bassist was injured, along with Ben. The other members escaped the crash with minor scrapes. At the time, the band was on tour with Gwar, for their “Blood Drive 2002” leg.

An article from May 4th, 2002 stated that Ben was still recovering from the crash, which had resulted in both of his legs being broken. Falgoust was at the wheel of the van during the accident. The article quoted him, saying”

“I don’t remember much, just a few pieces. I was told that I was avoiding a car spinning out of control and as I came back into the lane, I ran in the back of an 18-wheeler. The story is still not in full. No drinking and driving, or any drug use!”. Ben went to physical therapy during this time, and Soilent was expected to be in full gear by the end of that year (2002).

An April 21st, 2002 article stated that Ben was still in the hospital. He had already gone under two leg operations to repair broken bones. He was still in Chicago at the time, and was to soon return home to New Orleans.

In 2003, Soilent made a come back, going on tour, and in 2005, they released their album “Confrontation” (Which is personally my favorite).

A 2006 article mentioned the crash, stating that Ben was nearly killed. He had to endure numerous surgeries, and go through rehabilitation to learn how to walk again. According to some people I’ve talked to, Ben was initially told that he may never walk again.

He ended up needing a skin graft on his foot, the donor site being from his torso.

I don't know what his pain management or physical therapy was like. I can only imagine it being incredibly rough and frustrating. There's a part of me that wonders if such an accident could lead to being thrown opioids constantly. I wonder if being wheelchair bound was more painful than learning to walk again. From a therapy point of view, I can't help but wonder, what the process was like. I wonder what it felt like to be told that you'd never walk again. Did that frighten him? Did it make him feel mad?

Did he truly expect to walk again? Or did he figure that it was at least worth trying?

These are just some of the questions I have. It's quite hard trying to get into contact with any of the members of Soilent Green. The last time I got to talk to Ben, he told me he didn't really do interviews anymore.

In a 2014 interview, Ben recalled some of that time, from after the accident.

“It was just bad luck, it was all timing and stuff like that. But the only thing you can do at that point is persevere and move forward and do all you can. When I was in the hospital, I remember I was in a wheelchair for like a year, and I was going into this hospital in New Orleans, and I didn’t have any money; so it was kind of like a hospital for people with low funds.

I remember being next to people and seeing some of the situations they were in. I kept thinking, you know, both my legs were broken, I tore my heel. But this guy, his face was sewn up or something and he couldn’t talk; he had to write everything down on paper. And some dude was there who got shot in the hip, and his whole hip fractured and broke up in little pieces. When you’re in those situations, you start to see a lot.

There’ll be people thinking, “Oh pity on me, I’m in this situation,” but I was like, look at this shit these other people are dealing with. You know, I need to get through this and I just need to sort it out. I had a lot of good friends and my family was really close and helpful, so that was a beneficial thing too.”.

Years later, in 2017 or so, Ben broke his legs again, when touring with Goatwhore. The ramp door to a trailer came down on his head, threw him back, and landed on his leg and foot. Initially, the door was supposed to have a hydraulic system, but the mechanics to it failed causing the injury. Of course, he had to go to the hospital for treatment, but because of his prior accident, he didn’t need to have rods put in his legs, as he already had some in there.

Nowadays, you can’t even tell what Ben has been through. It’s amazing how strong of person he is, not just physically, but mentally. The mental fortitude one must have to go through what he’s gone through is incredible. In the very least, I am so glad that he , and the others, are still around today.

Ben, if you ever see this, please know that I’m proud of you. ♥

[SOURCES]

[jawnsjournal]

it’s been some time.

i’ve been falling asleep on the phone with scott every night. he says he doesn’t mind. i just talk about my boring life. he talks a little, too, and i’ve worked out that he’s some sort of high-profile lawyer. i feel a lot less bad about him spending money on me now - i think i’m pocket change to him, which i don’t really mind. he listens when i talk and tells me that i’m beautiful on the inside. (as for my outside, he’s only seen my hands, feet, and calves, but obviously he thinks they’re beautiful because he wants to see them every day haha.) 

it’s getting easier and easier to call him daddy now that i genuinely want to. it sucks because i love my real dad and we don’t see each other a lot but we do have a good relationship. i’m just filling another hole with scott. it’s the “no one cares about me” hole. it’s the “i left for two weeks and only two people noticed” hole. it’s the “geoff only gave me forty minutes for anything to be about me” hole. 

yeah. geoff only gave me forty minutes, and i was asleep for half of it.

it’s not his fault that he’s going through shit. it’s bad enough that he cried over a damn pop-tart. but if he missed me as bad as he said he did, and if he cares as much as he says he does, could that not have waited? i sound like a fucking asshole but he makes me feel like i don’t matter. over and over and fucking over. yeah, he came to get me at the airport when i needed him to. but goddamn, i came home for him and i honestly think i should have just called an uber. he made me feel like shit and i slept on the fucking couch after looking forward to my bed for weeks. 

i needed to cry. i really, really needed to cry. but then he did. so i had to stop, and i put everything on hold again. to think i was planning to spill my guts...

i am the worst fucking friend in the world. but i just needed something to be about me for ONCE. one fucking day. is that so hard? he hadn’t seen me in weeks. 

after geoff went in my room i wanted to call scott, but i knew geoff would hear me. i was so mad that i almost did, wanting him to hear me talking to someone else instead of him, wanting to hear me call someone “daddy,” but i decided not to. i’d already told scott that i’d talk to him the next day, and if i called scott, i just would have started crying and then geoff would have come out of my room to see what was going on and it would have been a whole big thing. plus, something tells me that scott wouldn’t like me having a guy in my apartment at eleven at night. he knows i live alone.

i like being his baby. i feel gross sometimes still, but this is a good arrangement. oh, and he agreed to pay my rent. he didn’t even ask how much it was. so that’s good.

anyway.

it was like heaven seeing geoff when my plane landed. i literally ran to hug him, and he was holding me so tight and telling me that he missed me and that he loved me. does he not get that it’s just words? does he not realize that in under an hour, i was majorly regretting coming home because of him? god, i was so angry. i haven’t been that mad in a really, really long time.

i thought that the night would be like my dream. i thought he’d want to hold me and rub my back, that at some point i’d get in the bath and he’d sit and talk to me and we could just relax and i could talk it out, cry it out. but no. no. never. i was so fucking stupid to think that, to be looking forward to him coming over. i really should have called an uber. or just driven home myself. i fell asleep on the way home in geoff’s car, but i think i could have driven if i’d had to.

so, yeah, i slept on the couch. welcome home, jawn, right?

gemma was actually happy that i was home, and i took her out to dinner the next day. picked her up from where she’s been staying at her dad’s (she didn’t say why, but i wondered if it had something to do with everything that’s been going on. i wouldn’t blame her at all if it was. she’s under a lot of stress about geoff and she keeps mentioning that her mental health isn’t great, but she won’t tell me why. i’m trying to get her to talk about other things for now so she’ll open up later. i hope it works cause she doesn’t deserve to be alone in whatever she’s going through.) and we started driving to get chinese. on the way she asked about geoff, and she was so upset that i pulled the car over and stopped, and we sat there with the radio off and talked for like ten whole minutes. both of us were crying, but it was nothing compared to how much i need to cry. i was watching ducktales of all things today and i got choked up. i’m losing it. 

gemma said a lot of the same things i’ve been thinking about geoff. that he’s been through a lot, but the world can’t stop. that he hardly even notices us anymore. to be completely honest, it sucks. but i’ve been talking to gem a lot more since this whole thing with geoff. 

i feel guilty because i said i’d talk to him on behalf of both of us, and i haven’t. i have no idea what to say. i want to tell him to go to therapy, but he already does. it’s just not helping at all. i don’t know what the next step is. 

i’m just... hitting the point where i’m worrying about myself. worrying that i might melt down in public, worrying that i might lash out at somebody i love because i’m feeling way too much. cause i am - feeling way too much. i almost just said something to gemma about scott. scott! imagine if i had. i’ve been keeping it quiet all this time, and i really almost just blurted it out. not because i want her to know but because i want someone to know about anything i’m going through. (i talk to scott, but i can’t talk to scott about scott, you know? and i don’t feel right talking to scott about geoff.)

at least people online think i’m pretty. the follower count on instagram keeps climbing because i keep posting pictures, short videos, boomerangs, close-ups of my scales... it’s all kinds of people following me. there are about to be more people following me than following the band account, which is insane. in-sane!

will mentioned in my dms that i was over 100k and joked that i wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore now that i’m famous, and i felt panic in my chest because i don’t want him to even joke about that. i told him he was the nicest person i’ve talked to in years and to please not say that ever again because it wasn’t funny. i think he thinks i’m a girl now, but he said before that he doesn’t care either way if i’m a girl or a guy. i feel bad not telling him my name, but at least i’m not making him call me wesley. will calls me j. 

whatever. i probably forgot some stuff, but i’m too tired to care. i’m calling scott again so i can go to bed. he makes me feel safe. 

[stilesderekscottissacandme]

Restraint

Stiles came over to the house in the middle of the night, I had texted him asking him to come over so we could talk. Allison and I had already told them about the new discovery, that Jackson had a master, someone controlling him. But right now, I just need to talk to Stiles about us. Mel was still at work so Stiles coming over worked perfectly. We were sitting on my bed, in complete silence. I was trying to come up with something to say.

"Do...Do you want me to leave you alone for a little while" Stiles asked. I simply shook my head. "It's just, you asked me to come over to talk and we've just been sitting here, not saying anything, for the last 10 minutes." Stiles added. I had to explain to him what was going on inside my head, I needed him to know that I'm not mad at him, this had nothing to do with him.

"Stiles, you know how when we first met, I was damaged? Broken. Confused. Lost." I asked and he nodded. "Well, when Scott was bitten by Peter, and then we found out that I was his Guardian. I was scared, and half the time I didn't even know what I was doing, but it gave me something I've never really had before..It gave me control.

I was able to protect, not only myself but you guys as well. It made me feel helpful. I was able to do something actually useful for once. And it gave me a way to protect myself, in case some one were to try to hurt me or kill me, I could handle it. I was useful, Stiles.Now, I'm just a liability You remember the night of the formal, when I found Lydia and Peter had bitten her? I had agreed to go with him or he was going to kill you.

While locating Derek, he told me that the bite of an alpha, can take a Guardians abilities away. He asked me if I wanted the bite. I told him I like being like that. I liked it more than just a fucked up little girl who didn't want to even be alive. He agreed not to bite me and left. When we found Derek, we were gunned down by Allison and Kate. You know that Kate almost shot me, but you don't know what was going through my mind as I stared at the gun, I was honestly hoping she would pull the trigger. Flash forward to the fight with Peter. I knew we didn't stand a chance, but I didn't back down.

Before Peter bit me he said he didn't want to do it, but that I'd left him no choice. When I became human again, I became that fucked up little girl again. Every ounce of control I had, gone. There has always been this darkness in my mind, but after becoming human again, it became bigger. Stronger. I need to take care of myself, before I can be in a relationship. That doesn't mean that I don't love you." I said, tears had begun falling a while ago. Stiles took in the information. Processing it, before saying anything.

"I understand Alex. I love you with all of my heart. I know that adjusting is going to be extremely hard for you. I knew this was coming for a while, now." Stiles said as he wrapped his arms around me. My silent cry eventually became body shaking heaves. Sometime after I calmed down I fell asleep in Stiles arms. For the last time, we cuddled all night.

The next day at school, Scott, Stiles, and I met up with Allison in the library. We had to make it inconspicuous, because Gerard had put cameras up in the school. And Allison and Scott still weren't allowed to see each other.

"It's everything Lydia can translate. And trust me, she was very confused." Allison said as she handed the tablet to us.

"Yeah, what'd you tell her?" I asked.

"That we were part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures." Allison said. I giggled a little bit.

"I am part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures." Stiles said, causing me to laugh even harder.

"O - oh. Great." Allison said, causing me to laugh even harder. To the point that I was bent over holding my sides. Once I settled back down I stood up and rejoined the conversation. It felt good to laugh like that, after a long time.

"Okay, does it say how to find out who's controlling him?" I asked.

"Not really. But Stiles was right about the murderers." Allison said.

"Yes!" Stiles said throwing his left fist into the air.

"It calls the kanima a weapon of vengeance. There's a story in there about this South American priest who uses the kanima to execute murderers in his village -" Allison said.

"All right, see? So maybe it's not all that bad." I said. I mean, it could be worse right? Like if he was killing anyone the priest wanted.

"Until the bond grew strong enough that it killed whoever he wanted it to." Son of a bitch.

"All bad, all very, very bad." Stiles said.

"Here's the thing, though. The kanima's actually supposed to be a werewolf. But it can't be -" Allison began, but Scott cut her off by reading the bestiary.

"Until it resolves that in its past which manifested it."

"Okay, if that means that Jackson could use a few thousand hours of therapy, I could've told you that myself." Stiles said with sarcasm.

"What if - It has something to do with his parents? His real parents." I asked. It would make sense ya know..

"Yeah, does anybody actually know what happened to them?" Allison asked.

"Lydia might." Stiles said.

"What if she doesn't know anything?" Scott asked.

"Well, he doesn't have a restraining order against me, so - I'll talk to him myself." I said. I mean, it would make sense right?

"Yeah, I'll come with you. So that you aren't alone." Allison said. I nodded.

"Okay, what do I do?" Scott asked.

"You have a make - up exam, remember? Promise me." Allison said. Scott pouted for a minute but agreed.

"If he does anything, you both run the other way." Scott said. I found it comforting that Scott cared about me still..but if I wasn't human he wouldn't have to worry about it....

"I can take care of myself." Allison said.

"And just because I'm human again doesn't mean I can't handle things anymore." I added. It sounded harsher than I meant.

"Alex I never said you couldnt...and Allison, if you get hurt while I'm busy with some stupid test, someone's going to need to take care of me. If he does anything -" Scott was cut off by Allison.

"Like?"

"Anything - Weird or bizarre - anything." Scott said. Then Stiles stuck his face through the hole.

"Anything evil!" He said with a little too much enthusiasm, as he hit his face on the shelf. "Ah-ow" he added.

Allison and I walked go the boys locker room, knowing he would be in there. Allison took her heels off in order to be quiet. I was wearing my black converse so I made no sounds. Allison accidently ran into the back of....Matt? I think that's his name.

"Oh, you just scared the hell out of me." He said after spinning around.

"Sorry, I wa - I was just, um, I was - nothing." Allison said. She seemed quite awkward. I felt very awkward as well.

"Ah, that's a - nice heels." He said. He sounded nervous.

"Oh! Yeah, uh, my feet were hurting, so I -" Allison stopped talking mid sentence.

"Same reason I never wear mine." Matt said with a laugh.

"What?" Allison and I said at the same time.

"Uh, forget it. Hey, did you hear about the underground show? Apparently, they've got some big name spinning." He asked, talking more to Allison than me.

"Oh, you mean like a rave?" I asked.

"Oh, is it still a rave if you don't roll? I just call it a party. But hey, I got a friend who can hook us up with tickets if you're down. Want me to get you one?" He asked, directing it to Allison...

"Yeah. Yeah, great." She said. I whispered in her ear that I was gonna go find Jackson. She nodded and I walked.

"Jackson?" I yelled walking into the locker room.

"In here. Is something wrong?" He asked as he walked around a corner. Completely naked...pulling on some shorts.

"Y - you could've warned me." I said as I turned around.

"You're the one that walked into the boys' locker room." He said as he walked towards me.

"I thought I heard you - I th - forget it." I said as I walked away. He grabbed my arm and spun me around so that I was facing him.

"Did you wanna talk about something?" He asked. Threateningly close.

"We can talk later." I said. My heart was racing and I was praying to whatever God there was that Scott would hear my pulse.

"No. Let's talk now." He whispered in my ear.

"I - I have to get to cl -" I tried. My pulse raising even more.

"Oh, no, no, you don't. No, you have perfect grades. You can skip one class. Are you okay? Your heart's beating like crazy." Jackson said. I was on the verge of tears. If I wasn't human me I could have easily gotten out of this, it wouldn't be this hard if I was still myself.

"I thought you wanted to talk." Jackson whispered into my ear.

"I - I - I changed my mind." I said in a low whisper.

"You sure? Because you look a little stressed. Is it Scott? Is it that whole thing? I still can't believe you actually think your little broken family story is gonna last. You know he's eventually just gonna run to Derek and join up with him and his little wolf pack. If you don't realize that, then you gotta be the stupidest bitch in this town. Well, other than Scott since he's a pretty stupid bitch himself." Jackson said. I had tears in my eyes. I felt like I was gonna be sick. Or worse have an anxiety attack. He had no right to talk to me about my past as if it were something he understood.

"Stop. Just stop!" I half yelled.

"What are you gonna do, Alex hmm - when your stupid bitch of foster brother turns on you? They kill Allison's aunt. They almost kill Lydia. Who do you really think's gonna be next, hmm? Not you. No, no, it can't be you, because you're his sister.  Is that what you tell yourself, hmm? "Scott's different and everything's gonna work out because I'm his sister now " Well, if that's what you believe, then you're already dead. I just - I hope that you've been practicing your fighting." Jackson said, sparking an idea.

"Actually, I am." I said before using the move Derek taught me. I grabbed Jackson's hand, and spun around kicking him in the knee. Then punching him in the side. He wasn't even effected by it. He threw me up against the wall, hand on my throat.

"Alex? What are you doing here?" He hissed. Then Scott came running in, he grabbed the back of Jackson's neck and through him. They fought for a while, ending in the sink coming off, well one of them. Water was every where.

"Scott! Scott! I'm fine! Scott stop it!" I yelled before running out of the room. Erica, Stiles, Allison, and Matt were all waiting in the hallway. Scott threw Jackson out into the hallway. Then Harrison showed up and we all got detention in the library.

"Oh, uh - we can't be in detention together. I have a restraining order against these tools." Jackson said, causing me to roll my eyes.

"All of these tools?" Harrison asked.

"No, just us tools." Stiles said gesturing to him and Scott. Apparently Harrison thought I was involved to...

"Fine. You three, over there." He said. Scott, Stiles and I walked over to the table and sat down....

"I'm gonna kill him." Scott whispered. I understood where he was coming from but, it wasn't Scott talking....I mean....he's just angry...

"No, you're not. You're going to find out who's controlling him and then you're gonna help save him." I said. Scott was staring. ...well glaring at Jackson.

"No. You were right, let's kill him." Scott said to Stiles. I glanced at Stiles for help and he just shrugged....when I glanced back to Scott his eyes were their true, golden color...and his claws were out.

"Oh shit...." I said. "Scott...calm down...now." I growled under my breath. Scott looked at me and my Guardian side must have shown....somehow...because Scott closed his eyes taking deep breaths. I closed my eyes and thought back to the other night..

**FLASH BACK** I was walking around in the woods, trying to blow off steam and think of a way to talk to Stiles. I started hearing leaves crunching and the sound of sticks breaking. I turned around only to find there was no one there. But I knew that there was something following me, I could physically feel it. With my heart beat rising I continued to walk. Knowing that if anyone were to attack me I could use the knife I stole from Scott's room. What...I need to be able to protect myself somehow. Especially now that I live in a town full of werewolves, and other creatures f the night... As I walked, the noises got louder...closer. A few steps later and I was tackled. I got a couple good hits in and the knife stuck in their leg, before I was picked up and thrown...although it was rather softly. I bounced back up and kicked them 3 times. They were wearing some kind of mask, enabling me from seeing their face. But they were all to familiar. I knew who he was. I hit him again and noticed the knife laying on the ground and bound around him to pick it up and punch him, what I wasn't going to stab him again, but he countered my attack by grabbing my right wrist and spinning me around so that my back was against his front. His other hand on my waist. "Stop touching me, Derek." I hissed. Derek laughed, his chest bobbing up and down. He let me go.

"Getting a little rusty there, Alex." He laughed. I rolled my eyes, which has become a habit of mine.

"Well I don't exactly have super strength and reflexes anymore now do I?" I retorted. Derek's face became more serious.

"You could though. But you already know that, don't you?" He said. His words caught me off guard and my heart rate sped up. I numbly shook my head.

"That's going to be my last resort. I'm actually coping with this a lot better now." I bit my lip hoping he wouldn't hear my heart beat rise.

"Alex...you know I can hear your heart beat right?" Shit... "I know you're lying and I know that you want to ask me for the bite but you're too scared because you might not survive. Which is why I'm going to tell you this." I held my breath as Derek spoke. "My sister Laura, she had this friend, who like you was a Guardian. They fell in love and when Laura got attacked by another pack's alpha, he ended up getting bitten. He was completely human for about 2 years. After the fire Laura and I got a call that he was dying in the hospital. When Laura found out that the bite of an alpha can restore a Guardian....she did just that. ...and he survived. For a while. Then he died in a fight a while later." Derek let me swallow the information before speaking.

"Alex, you are a strong warrior and having you in my pack would help everything. Say the word and I'll do it." He said.

"Wait a second, if Laura had a Guardian then why the hell did Deaton tell me I was the first Guardian in a hundred years?" I asked thinking back to the conversation I had with Deaton while I was in the hospital.

"Because, Joseph wasn't completely like you, his powers were limited, and Deaton never knew what he was. Alex, say the word and I will give you the power that you want so badly. I will fix the problem that you are struggling so hard with." Derek said. I held my breath.

"Derek, this isn't going to be my go to. I will only ask you if I have lost the battle with myself. It isn't going to happen just because I want it to, it is going to be nothing but a last resort." I said. Derek looked at me with something close to shock in his eyes. Then he nodded and left.

**End of flash back**

"Hey. What if it's Matt? I mean, this whole thing comes back to the video, right?" Stiles said after about 30 minutes. I thought about the for a minute until it clicked.

"Danny said that Matt was the one who found the two hours of footage." I said. Referring back to what Scott had told us.

"Exactly! He's trying to throw suspicion off himself." Stiles said with enthusiastic hatred.

"So he makes Jackson kill Isaac's dad, one of Argent's hunters, and the mechanic working on your jeep?" Scott asked I could see the doubt in his face and hear it in his voice. There was no way Matt could have found out about Jackson being the kanima...unless he watched the video. But how would he know that he could use him? And why?

"Yes!" Stiles hissed. But I mean...it's not like Matt has any reason to kill a bunch of random murderers. I mean, yeah, the guy is a total creep but does that mean he is a killer? Hopefully not.

"Why?" I asked. Stiles better come up with a pretty good excuse for blaming someone for something as serious as this. If this information got to Derek, or even Issac and Erica, it could result in Matt getting brutally murdered.

"Because - he's evil." Stiles said. Like I said, if Erica heard this conversation, she would tell Derek and Matt would get killed because Stiles thinks he is "evil."

"You just don't like him." Scott said. I agreed with Scott on this one.

"The guy - Bugs me. I don't know what it is. Just look at his face." Stiles defended. I mean, yes, Matt is a creep, and I kinda get rapey vibes from him, but I don't want him killed because Stiles thinks his face is evil.

"Any other theories?" I asked. I kept glancing from Matt to Jackson as they talked. Suddenly Jackson stood up.

"I have to go to the bathroom." He said. He looked pale and a layer of sweat was beating up at his hair line.

"Are you all right? Hey, you don't look so good." Harris said stating the obvious. I glanced at Scott to see if he caught a scent of any kind. I gesture to my nose when he looked at me all confused. He sniffed the air a few times before shaking his head.

"I just need to get some water." Jackson said before leaving the room.

"No one leaves their seats." Harris said before following Jackson. Denying Harris's order to stay in our seat, Scott got up and sat next to Erica. I decided to follow.

"Stiles said you know how Jackson's parents died." Scott said. I thought back to Stiles telling us about the conversation he had with Erica while I was being attacked by Jackson.

"Maybe." Erica responded looking completely un-interested.

"Talk." I said in a harsh voice. She pondered on it for a second.

"It was a car accident. My dad was their insurance investigator, and every time he sees Jackson drive in his Porsche, he makes a comment about the huge settlement he'll be getting when he's 18." She said. My eyes grew wide when I thought about Jackson getting even more money when he's 18.

"So, not only is Jackson rich now, but he's getting even richer at 18?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yep." She answered.

"There's something so deeply wrong with that." I said with disgust in my voice.

"You know what? I could try to find the insurance report in my dad's inbox. He keeps everything." Erica said. Why she was suddenly helping us out, I had no idea. But I didn't like it.

Scott McCall, please report to the principal's office. A woman's voice said from the speaker on the wall. Scott and I shared confused looks before he got up and walked away. Erica had been typing away on her laptop when a look of success shined in her eyes. Stiles had taken Scott's place beside Erica.

"Passengers arrived at the hospital DOA. The estimated time of death -9:26 P.M., June 14th 1995." So far everything she said seemed normal until I saw Stiles running a hand from his mouth to the back of his head.

"But Jackson's birthday is June 15th." He said. We went back to the table Harris assigned us. None of us said anything at all. About 45 minutes later Harris stood up and grabbed his things. In response we all stood up as well and began grabbing our stuff.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry. Yes, I'm leaving. But none of you are. You may got home when you're done with the re-shelving." He said with a wicked smile. He patted one of several carts full of books. We all sat down in defeat, while the burning hatred I had for this man was thriving. Suddenly and for no reason at all my heart rate sped up. I was confused until the darkness whispered Scott's name. Wait...Why has Scott's heart beat risen? When Scott returned he looked fine so I left it alone. We filled him in on Jackson's parents.

"It means, he was born after his mom died, by C-section. They had to pull him out of her dead body." Stiles said. It suddenly felt like I had been hit in the stomach, the air was pushed from my lungs as I thought about Jackson being pulled out of his dead mom. Even if it is Jackson. Who is the kanima running around killing people on command. It's still fucked.

"So was it an accident or not?" Allison asked.

"The word all over the report it "Inconclusive." Stiles said. I felt my brows furrow in confusion.

"Then his parents could have been murdered?" Scott and I asked, I kept glancing at Jackson.

"If they were, then it falls in line with the kanima myth. You know? It seeks out and kills murderers." Stiles said. I was beginning to get this really weary feeling.

"But for Jackson? Or the person controlling him?" Allison asked. She was right, was the killing being done for Jackson and the people who killed his mom, or for someone else?

"We have to talk to him. We have to tell him." Scott said before marching towards Jackson and Matt. The weary feeling only grew worse with each step he took.

"He's not gonna l -" Was all Allison got out. A few seconds later something jumped from one of the bookshelves. Something covered in scales. The kanima. God damn, do we ever get a break?

"Erica!" I heard Scott yell before Erica let out a growl and fell to the ground. I pulled Allison to the ground as the kanima jumped above us to another shelf. Then I got up and ran over to where Erica was laying. Tables had been flipped over and books fallen to the ground, the lights were sparking because of Jackson breaking them whilst jumping from shelf to shelf. I sat down next to Erica, much like when she fell from the rock wall and was having a seizure. But wait....She's a werewolf now...Why is she seizing?

"Whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey! I think she's having a seizure" I yelled. Allison went to check on Matt while Scott and Jackson had a stand off. Stiles had sat down next to Erica and I while she lay on her side, entire body shaking violently. The kanima's poison is supposed to paralyze you, like it did the night Derek's pack went after Lydia.

"He's alive." Allison said. I ignored her while Erica grasped onto my hand. I have to say, I may not like Erica very well, but I could see us working things out in the future..

"Hey, we need to get her to a hospital." Stiles said. She let go of my hand while staring at us with wide eyes. She shook her head, I think, it was hard to tell with how her body was trembling.

"Derek - only to Derek." She said, her voice sounded broken and fragile. It was the first time I have ever heard her sound so...so weak, since she turned, that is. Allison and Scott were standing over us.

"When we get her to the hospital -" Scott began. Only for Erica to cut him off.

"To Derek. To Derek." She said. I know that you are supposed to trust your alpha, but Erica needed to go to the hospital. But then again, maybe Derek will know what to do.

"Go." Allison said. Stiles and I tried to get her up by ourselves but couldn't. Not with the convulsions.

"Hey, Scott!" I yelled. He turned to talk to Allison. I grunted as we set her back down on her side. Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach and had to get up and walk away in order not to empty it onto Erica or Stiles. It seemed like Allison and Scott were arguing but I was to busy hurling in the trashcan to hear them. I had barely eaten anything in the past few weeks and my stomach wasn't use to having something in it, apparently. Put that on top of the stress and there we go. I puke. I finished puking as Scott picked Erica up and walked away, Stiles running out to his jeep. Allison gave me a worried look but I just nodded my head and ran after the boys.

When we got to the old train station Derek and his pack had been at since the Argents trapped up Derek's house, Scott carried Erica inside. Derek immediately ran over and sat her down on the floor in his arms. He asked us what happened and Scott told him.

"Hold her up." Derek demanded. We did as we were told.

"Is she dying?" Stiles asked, he was sat behind her.

"She might, I - which is why this is gonna hurt." Derek said right before grabbing Erica's arm and snapping the bone. She let out a scream that made me want to cry. I had to stand up and go outside to puke again. Nothing came up, but stomach acid. I heard Erica scream again and ran inside. Stiles was holding her in his arms now. It seemed like Derek was done.

"Stiles...You make a good Batman.." Erica said. I felt myself flash back to the night that Erica said she would steal my Batman....My blood became hot and the darkness was incised.

"You know who it is." I said. Everyone looked at me and I tried to hold back the pure jealousy that the Darkness was trying to thrive on.

"Jackson." Derek said. I knew that he put Erica up to something, that's why she was being so helpful.

"You just wanted Erica to confirm it, didn't you?" I said. Derek nodded and a feeling of disgust flooded my body. I know very little about the supernatural world but I do know, as an Alpha, a leader you are not supposed to make your pack members do your dirty work.

"I'm gonna help you stop him. As part of your pack. If you want me in, fine. But we'll do it on one condition. We're gonna catch him, not kill him." Scott said and I looked at him with big eyes. I mean, he had a point, working with Derek, joining their pack was a smart move, but that does not mean I trust him. But maybe I do...

"And?" Derek asked.

"And we do it my way." Scott said. If only he knew what I was planning. If only he knew that as his Guardian I will do what ever it takes to protect him..What ever it takes.