#this is probably full of typos but I cannot be bothered to correct them now

[thatfrenchacademic]

OK so about this "34, unmarried and childless" article about Taylor Swift. Let me tell you about Scam Academia.

TL;DR: some mediocre dude had a half baked opinio nabout Taylor Swift that everyone hated, but like Mother Nature I let nothing go to waste.

Here is the take you have not heard yet, about this opinion: this guy is actually a good case study on how to develop your academic literacy, aka how to recognize a true academic from a scammer who presents themselves as an academic, but is just a crook. In a world of pseudoscience and pretend experts that have enough resources to organize their flat earth conference, let me walk you through the world of Scam Academic, where for a few thousand dollars, you too can claim to be a researcher with a doctorate! Follow me down a rabbit hole that I hate with my whole heart!

Preamble: I have zero skin in the TS game. I don't get the hype, the lore, the obsession with those 2000s bracelet or dissecting every single line or every single song.

But then. Some guy had to write an op-ed stating Taylor Swift was not a good role model for girls ("in the US and beyond"), and it is a terrible take on so many level, but here is the thing. Whiny conservative think-pieces about highly successful women who should get back to the kitchen and think of the children are nothing new. But this one is different.

This one is fucking terribly written. It's just an abysmally written blog post. Genuinely one of the worst thing I have ever read, and I read hundreds of undergrad essays every year for a living. It contradicts its own arguments in every paragraph. It over-explains concepts like it's a high school essay and he's trying to meet the word count. It says "this is a valid question worth asking" but does not actually explain why it is worth asking. It is so, so, so bad.

Conservative writers are usually more the "high brow, drowning you in grandstanding" kind of writers. They are, usually, good technical writers - it's the one thing that helps make their talking point sound legit and palatable. So an abysmally bad conservative writer? Ok, I am intrigued.

The author is one John Mac Ghlionn. I look up the guy on Google and...

Oh.

Oh no, John.

Spewing conservative bullshit at women AND a researcher? You're in my turf now, John. You could have continued to cover UFC Pillow Fight Championships, or alien technology and other riveting subjects, but you had try to connect two brain cells to argue a thing, and slap "researcher" on top of it. Now I'm offended, as a researcher.

1. I am sorry, researcher WHERE?

Ok so if one is a "researcher", it means one conduct "research". and contrary to what backyard conspiracy theorists think, "researcher" is an actual job. It is an actual professional occupation. You get an actual contract, and you are paid actual money. By an actual employer: public (University), private (Think tank, private company), or a mix of both (at Unviersity, but on a privately funded project, for example).

So where does our John Mc Ghlionn work?

Well. Nowhere, as far as I can tell.

John does not list any affiliation. Usually, when they write, academics will state their exact position (Researcher, Doctoral Researcher, Associate Professor, Chief Engineer, Head of Department, Research Director...) and where they work. For example:

That's what it is supposed to look like.

But John? Nope, no affiliation anywhere, on anything he ever published. That's a pretty massive read flag. Research takes ressources: at the very least, time and access to database and documentation, even in social sciences in humanities. You may not need a lab, but you sure as hell need money and full access to JStore at least.

So I thought he was just one of these "I google therefore I research" kind of dude. But then, out of nowhere:

I am sorry. He has a WHAT.

2. I am sorry, a Doctorate from WHERE?

So. One thing to claim to be a researcher when you are just a professional yapper. Another to claim a DIPLOMA.

And not any diploma. A doctorate.

Let's pause. "Doctorate" is actually a really broad umbrella term of all doctoral-level degrees. The most famous (and most prestigious, for better and worse) is the PhD, but a PhD is technically just one of many Research Doctorate of, theoretically, the same level (cue this helpful reddit post). A second category of doctorates are the Applied Doctorates, and while there is Discourse on where they sit vis-a-vis PhD, the easiest is to consider that they are not research-oriented. They are hands-on, practice-oriented degrees. For example: you can practice medicine with an MD. You don't need a PhD. You can still call yourself a doctor, though.

Alright, so which of these does our friend Johnnie has? Or is currently enrolled in? And in which University?

You will notice that John does not go by "John Mac Ghlionn PhD" or even "Dr John Mac Ghlionn", when you just KNOW he is the sort of person that would but that shit everywhere. And no shade here, because I, for one, do put that shit everywhere. Maybe he is just currently enrolled in a program and has not graduated. Fair.

Since John does not list affiliation, I had to switch from academic to internet sleuth, and dig out this article:

But we learn that in 2021, John was a "PhD Scholar" in "Parkmore Institute". "PhD Scholar" is not a title I am sued to, but it's also not raising any red flag: ongoing PhD researchers can be "PhD students", "PhD fellows", "PhD researchers"... It varies from country to country and from institution to institution, so why not "PhD Scholar".

Let's check out the Parkmore Institute.

Ok, they are not a traditional university, but they appear to be more of a postgraduate institution: offering only higher level degrees, not undergrad courses. Once again, not necessarily a red flag. They are usually very heavily research focused, and embrace the "research" side of academia more than the "teaching" side. In Germany, the Max Planck Institutes are research-only institutions who deliver PhDs. They conduct cutting edge research, in part because their researchers rarely have to spend time teaching.

But that is NOT the Parkmore Institute. First of all, let's see what programs they offer:

None of them are legit.

And I mean, none of them are recognize as even Applied/Professional Doctorate by the National Science Foundation (US based). And while a PhD in Human sexuality would be perfectly valid, but I'm going to on a limb and say I have some serious doubts about "Bodymind Healing" as an academic field.

These are not legit academic degrees.

What they are, is an excellent money-making opportunity for anyone working at the Parkmore institute. Students will pay, at the very least:

And 60% of this goes to their " faculty mentor". The Parkmore institute provides no research fund, no desk or office space (they are entirely digital), no access to any resources or library, not even a Zoom account. There is also no mention of any timeline: how long a PhD take to complete? Who knows. 6 months ? A year ? 5 years? What are the requirements to graduate ? Who knows ! And I would need to pay $200 to get in touch with them, so I sure as fuck won't know any time soon!

But let's get back to our friend John. Remember that he stated, in that 2021 publication, he was a "PhD Scholar" at Parkmore ? Well that's a shame because Parkmore does not deliver PhDs. Ain't that a bitch.

ALSO. Parkmore helpfully has page with all their Doctoral Recipients! And guess who is NOT HERE ! That's right, our Johnnie !

How can this be ? Well, three possibilities:

John is still not done with a PhD. After 4 years ? In a crank university where I am pretty sure I can submit the first draft of a litt review and graduate ? Nah

John never completed the thing. Boo, that would mean that John is lying, when he says he has a doctorate. Bad, bad.

John did graduate, and obtained his doctorate in [scrolls back to check] psychosocial studies, and then was not put on the website or was withdrawn some time before today, as Parkmore institute ended their affiliation with him, as per this bit in their application form

A shame, really. If John had been affiliated with the Parkmore Institute, it would give a shred of legitimacy to anything he writes to anyone just skimming.

Now, I would love to get in touch with the Parkmore Institute and ask to see John's doctoral work, which they DO have, since the application for also has this very interesting section:

(definitely very legit, very normal).

But I am not sure how I would even phrase that request without transparently going

"hey, would love to see what bullshit research is being done over there, since one of your graduate decided to go all Handmaid's tale for the last 2 years".

If anyone feels like sending that email, I am begging you to keep me in the loop.

3. Back up, back up, what's up with that article?

Remember the article where he was listed as a "PhD Fellow"?

Well, about that... No. Welcome to the world of predatory publishing, one more cog in the Bullshit Academic ecosystem.

First: not at article. It's a "commentary". Could be worth something ia good journal, but still would not be a piece of research. But that is the least of its sins.

Its sins are being published in a journal called "Sociology and Criminology-Open Access", by a publisher called "Longdom". Longdom publishing has a bunch of journals on a lot o different fields, with the particularly of being predatory; they will publish absolutely anything you send them, as long as you pay their Article Processing Charges:

There are entire lists of Predatory journals on the web, you can find on here and another here , Longdom Publishing is in both.

This is how John can publish this last minute, Redbull-and-weed-induced essay in an actual journal, with an abstract that, I kid you not, finishes with "Please find the paper attached." He slapped together a shitty essay about people in India are poorer and therefore more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits and therefore engage in corruption, purely base on vibes. It does not even deserve be given any consideration, not even to be debunked. There is nothing to be debunked. This would be a failing grade for a 1st year intro class.

CONCLUSION

On the surface, John Mac Ghlionn is the poster boy of failed edgelords who really wish they were Jordan Peterson, but unfortunately are just Doug, the guy for 10th grade who failed the Literature class and decided it was because litterature was too woke today anyway.

Beneath the surface, John is a case study in Scam Academia, and the proof that no matter how bad actual academia is, Scam Academia can always get worse.

A quick checklist to go through whenever someone claims be a researcher, an academic, a fellow, a doctor, a PhD or anything of the sort:

What is their affiliation? Is this a legitimate organization?

Do they have a PhD? Another doctorate degree? From where?

Have they published ? Where is it published?

[jjnonken]

Right. So. 

I can log into their website and add my car to my “garage”. Cutesy. What if I have another vehicle that’s not a Lexus? Can I add that? Because I’m pretty sure my real garage doesn’t really give a fuck what I put into it. This is a special “garage” that only allows Lexus inside it.

Please don’t do that. Stop trying so hard to engage my sentimentalism. Don’t try to manipulate my emotions. Don’t make me hate my car, I just bought it.

Why is there a picture of a 2020 RX on this page? You lost all your photos of other years? Or are you dangling it in front of me to try to convince me that, against all evidence, I can suddenly afford a brand new model of this car?

There’s a reason I bought a 2014, and it wasn’t because I had piles of money. Here you go again, trying to manipulate me. Put a picture of my car on there, or something generic like your logo. But you won’t upsell me quite so easily, and when people try to manipulate me, it just pisses me off. Witness the fact that I’ve already spent four paragraphs ranting about how you’re trying to manipulate me.

So now you’re pushing your mobile app on me. On one hand, this particular car probably can’t be controlled much from the app; it doesn’t have all the nifty extras. That’s a shame, and I’d have liked to have those extras, but a) it was the right car at the right time and b) not having them probably saved me some money. So I’m OK merely having a luxury SUV with keyless entry, one-button start, garage door opener, compass, sound system, lots of leg room, more than enough engine power, Automatic Everything, comfort and convenience. On the other hand, the app apparently will do things like track when I need to do regular maintenance. I’m notoriously neglectful of my cars, and I’d like to keep this one for a while, so I want to change that. Having a proactive reminder system on my phone should help. Having a reminder on your web site that requires me to log into it first? Not so much. 

So I installed your app. The first thing I noticed is that it is apparently in no way connected to my account on the web site. For all that is holy, why the fuck not? That doesn’t make sense.

So I created an account using the same credentials. (Password security advice rant deleted.) I checked the box that says “KEEP ME LOGGED IN” (all-caps theirs) and clicked Register or Sign In or whatever. So now I’m signed in. I paste the VIN into the field for a VIN and click next, decline to bother with the optional nickname (I really only own one Lexus RX 350 at this time, I think I’ll be able to tell it apart from my bicycle) and click Next or OK or Go or whatever. 

See the last screenshot. If you can’t read it, it says “Provided VIN already associated to a different OEM customer”.

OK, so somebody else used to own this car, registered it with your app, and then sold the car to me. (Presumably not on the same day, but the sequence is the same.) Actually, they sold it to a dealer, who then sold it to me. And it’s also possible that the first owner registered it, sold it on, and the second owner never bothered or was unable to register it, and so the sequence has extra steps in it that I’m missing. Either way, it seems that Toyota is unable to grasp a concept, so I’ll try to explain it here.

Dear Toyota slash Lexus: Some time after people buy a vehicle, they may sell it and buy an upgrade. Usually the car they sell is still drive-able, so somebody with a lesser budget will purchase the now-used vehicle and drive it around for a while. Often cars will change hands multiple times before their lives are over.

That means that there’s a chance that whomever registered the car via the app may, at some point, no longer be the owner. That, in turn, means that there’s a good chance the new owner will want to use your app. 

That is the case here: I’m the third owner of record of this vehicle, and I’d like to register it via the app. In fact, I’d rather not have what is now a third party to have control of my car via their phone. 

Sorry, what’s that? It turns out you do understand this concept. Oh, I’m sorry, I was applying Hanlon’s Razor, which says that I should never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by incompetence, and was assuming this was incompetence. 

Because the other choice is that you’re doing this on purpose. And I cannot imagine any reason that you would do this on purpose except to allow prior owners to steal my car or gain access to its contents, and That. Is. A. Lawsuit. Waiting. To. Happen.

So, which is it? A company full of people too stupid to understand this concept, or going out of their way to screw over anybody who can’t afford to buy a new car from you? Because I actually can think of one other answer, which is that you just don’t give a fuck about your customers and you’re too lazy to do it right.

I did look for an option to claim the car. Do you know that Ford had my old Taurus registered under a previous owner as well? Not an app, this was before that was A Thing, but it was on their website. And they had a way for me to claim the car as my own, built right into their website. I no longer own that Taurus, so it’s no longer an issue, but I remember being pleased that I was able to do that.

So, what. Did Ford hire all the smart people, and leave you the morons? Just wondering.

No matter what the answer is, this isn’t a good look for a company making luxury cars: too stupid to understand a simple concept; too greedy; too lazy and not giving a fuck. 

So... what will it take to get the previous owner out of my car?

Ah, here’s their instructional video. I wonder if that will help? Hah hah.

One more complaint. You know that “Keep me signed in” box? Doesn’t work. If I hit the Back key, it returns me to that screen, and I have no choice but to go through the login procedure again (or quit the app. Hobson’s Choice, I guess).

As for whether I got the correct VIN: I’ve recorded the VIN in my password manager and pasted it directly from there. If I have it wrong, I have it definitively wrong. But in either case, there was no typo. I’ll check the VIN again but I’m pretty sure I’ve got it right. [edit] I checked, like, three times. It’s correct.