#this is reminding me that i still actually own my dragonology book and pull it out sometimes

[juniperwindsong]

Dragonology 101 (7/10)

Summary: "I think you need to consider that your parents might not have your best interests at heart. Parents are just people too. They make mistakes and they can do the wrong thing." "How would you know? You barely have parents." "That's exactly how I know."

Felix is a little taken aback to discover how beautiful Hogwarts is at Christmas time. It's not as if the castle is ever dank or gloomy, but now its halls are practically alive with good cheer. Holly, ivy, and greenery of every kind are wound around banisters and hung on doors. Fantastically decorated Christmas trees are stuffed into all the empty corners. Even the Slytherin common room, infamous for being somber and gloomy, seems transported by the softly glowing garlands and the cosy stockings hung by the fire.

Felix takes in the sight for the first time as he walks through the entrance wall after ensuring all the students from his house returning home for the holidays have made it safely to the train. While Felix has never stayed before, Slytherin house usually sees the largest number of students at school over the Christmas break. This year's slew of boggart attacks, however, has frightened nearly all the winter regulars into seeking shelter elsewhere. Even Merula Snyde has gone with her new best friends, Ismelda Murk and Barnaby Lee, to Ismelda's house, leaving Juniper Windsong the only Slytherin student to remain. Besides Felix himself.

"What are you doing here?" Juniper asks in shock, jumping up from her spot in front of the fire as Felix enters. Her rapid movement disturbs the loose pile of papers and parchments she's been pouring over. She's still holding a quill loosely in one hand, and has the air of someone who has been interrupted in the middle of doing something they shouldn't.

Felix narrows his eyes at her. "You mean, in my own common room?"

"No, I mean here. At school. At all. You never stay for the holidays."

Felix leans casually on the back of the sofa, surreptitiously eyeing the bits of parchment littering the floor.

"You've been here two and half years, Windsong. That hardly makes you an authority on what I never do."

Juniper shoots him her lopsided smile. "Okay," she concedes, "I mean, I've never seen you stay over the holidays before."

"Of course not. I never stay over the holidays," Felix deadpans as he walks around the arm of the sofa to sit down.

Juniper throws her quill at him.

"Careful," Felix warns her, smirking, "I can still dock points, even at Christmas."

She ignores him and resumes her seat on the floor in front of her parchment and papers, hiding them from view. Felix wonders if this is deliberate.

"So why are you staying this year?" Juniper asks, stretching her legs out in front of her.

"Well," Felix draws the word out a bit, debating how to answer. "The dragon, of course. I don't like the idea of you visiting him alone. It's too dangerous."

Juniper lowers her eyebrows at him, suspiciously. "Really?"

"You've seen the way he looks at us now," Felix says, leaning slightly onto the arm of the sofa to try to see around her without tipping her off. "And on your own, you're just reckless enough to go back down in there with him."

"No, I mean, is that really the reason you're staying?" Juniper clarifies.

Felix ceases his attempt to spy and meets her eyes. He's a little taken aback; he thought his story was quite believable and his delivery flawless. But Juniper can be very discerning sometimes, and, he supposes, she knows him too well by now.

"It's a reason," Felix answers.

Juniper holds his gaze a second longer, then turns around to gather up her things.

"Well," she announces, in her best impression of a plummy prefect voice. "I do hope you'll try to keep your noise to a minimum. I plan to use this time to get a good deal of revision done."

Felix throws back his head and laughs.

-

Felix doesn't discover what Juniper is working on in secret and he doesn't ask. He has a pretty good idea that it involves the new cursed vault and, while unhappy with her decision to continue investigating in spite of Dumbledore's express warning, Felix has decided to avoid the subject unless absolutely necessary. He has enough problems to deal with at the moment. His post-Hogwarts future, his upcoming NEWTS, and Sparky's undecided fate are all vying for top billing in the anxiety showcase his brain puts on for him every night before he falls asleep. It's the real reason he's chosen not to return home for the holiday. He can't bear the thought of being forced to rehash these topics with his parents every day after running them through his head all night.

Instead, Felix makes it a point to hold Juniper to her off-hand joke made at the start of break. In an effort to keep her out of trouble, he frogmarches her to the library whenever he can find her or demands she remain in the common room: to revise, or help him revise. Juniper puts up a reasonable amount of grumbling at this academic peer-pressure, but turns out to be a surprisingly effective revision partner; mostly due to her habit of asking a million questions. She does this on purpose, Felix is sure, in an attempt to annoy him into letting her escape, but it actually helps him understand and remember the material better. Felix, used to working on his own, enjoys this method of revision more than he thought he would. When he's talking with her, he finds his anxieties intrude upon his thoughts much less.

Their schoolwork is nearly always done in the evenings, however, as Juniper now insists on visiting Sparky first thing in the morning. Felix is confused by this, and by her strange new habit of walking slowly and with great ceremony back to the common room immediately after dinner. It isn't until he accompanies her one day and sees Mrs. Norris tailing them closely that he understands the reason for her newfound scrupulousness.

"With everyone else gone, Filch doesn't have anything to obsess over except me," Juniper explains to Felix as they reach the privacy of the common room. "I can get away in the mornings when he's doing actual work, but once that's done he pretty much just follows me around all day."

Juniper takes a seat at the circular study table in the back of the common room where they've left their books and notes from their revision session the previous evening.

"He's convinced I only stay over breaks to search for the vaults. Which," she admits slyly,"isn't entirely wrong."

This reminds Felix of something that's been nagging at him for nearly the whole term. He takes the seat next to hers and pulls a book toward him but doesn't open it. He debates whether they're close enough for him to attempt such a personal question. True, Felix has spent more time with her this term than any other single person, but their scattered attempts to discuss anything not dragon related have always been rather tense.

In the end, curiousity gets the better of him.

"Juniper?" Felix asks tentatively.

She looks up, a little startled at his use of her given name.

"When you were explaining about the dragon - that very first night in the common room - you said, you found it over the summer?"

Juniper inclines her head, slowly, eyes slightly wary.

Felix plunges on. "What were you doing here? Students aren't usually allowed to stay for the summer holiday."

He expects her to be evasive, or defensive, or to try to brush the subject away with a joke. He does not expect her eyes to go wide and her face to suddenly flush brick red.

"What?" Felix asks, astonished. He can't imagine what the answer must be to embarrass her so thoroughly. "Did you camp out in the forest or something?"

"No, Juniper mumbles, looking down at the table. "I - I got special permission from Dumbledore to stay at school the last month before term started."

Juniper fumbles for a quill and parchment as if to begin taking notes, but she has no ink near her and no book open. She simply stares at the parchment, quill in hand, as if she's forgotten how to write.

"Why?" Felix asks. Part of him feels like a prat for pressing the issue, as it's obvious she wants the conversation to be over. But he's fascinated by how visibly uncomfortable she is, when she's famous for being composed in even the most dangerous situations. And it incites his curiousity to riot, wondering what could possibly make her this unsettled.

Juniper doesn't answer him right away. She worries the quill between her fingers, then taps the feather against the parchment distractedly. Her head is bent so low over the table that her hair falls in front of her face, hiding much of it from view. So when she does respond, her words are slightly muffled.

"I got into a spot of bother with...muggle law enforcement."

"What?" Felix says, nonplussed.

Juniper rubs her forehead with the hand not fumbling with the quill.

"My father..." she begins haltingly, "he's an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries. He's always working. I mean, he was always gone a lot even before...everything with Jacob. But this summer... " she rubs at her cheek now, "this summer he didn't come home at all. Probably he just...lost track of time - he does that a lot. Didn't realize it was summer holidays. I tried sending him owls but.. he doesn't always have time to read them."

Juniper twines a bit of her hair round and round her finger, still looking at the table. "Anyway... I was out of food and, well, money. I mean - I know we have some but it's in Gringotts and I didn't have any way to get there." She drops the quill and taps her fingers in an unconscious rhythm against the parchment. "So...I ended up... getting caught trying to nick some food from the grocer's in town." She says this last all in a rush, now looking away toward the window where the water from the black lake swirls against the glass.

Felix has rarely had occasion to use the word "flabbergasted" to describe himself, but as he sits back in his chair, mouth slightly open, he decides that's definitely what he feels now. His brain tries to itemize all the elements of this story that require follow-up questions but discovers there isn't any bit which doesn't. He isn't even sure where to start. He focuses on the end of this surreal confession.

"You got caught? Why didn't you just use magic!"

"What, and be expelled?" Juniper asks, finally looking at him, her face incredulous. As though he were the one not making any sense.

Felix can't develop a decent argument to this as most of his brain is occupied in processing the other parts of her story, so he moves on.

"But why didn't you just send an owl to Khanna or one of your other friends? Surely they would have helped you?"

Juniper shrugs, looking back at the window and twisting at her hair again. "Rowan was abroad with her family, I wasn't going to worry her. And I didn't want to bother Penny or Bill. I... I don't really know them well enough for that and I don't know their families at all and..."she sighs, dropping her hands. "It's embarrassing."

Felix wants to argue that this is ridiculous. But as he opens his mouth, he's struck by the question of what he would do in a similar situation. It takes him only a few seconds of quick imagining to come to the conclusion that nothing less than physical torture could get him to admit it to anyone. Felix spends a good deal of time and energy ensuring that he never appears anything but entirely capable and confident, and he knows Juniper is probably similar. They are both in Slytherin, after all, where image is everything. He supposes he can't fault her for not wanting her friends to know about her less than satisfactory home life.

"Anyway, it all worked out," Juniper says, trying to infuse her voice with some of her usual good humour. "I was able to get in touch with the school. And Snape actually had to come and rescue me from gaol since he's my head of house which was kind of hilarious. And then he and Dumbledore arranged for me to stay here for the rest of the summer as long as I promised to work out someone to stay with next summer so this doesn't happen again." She takes a deep, steadying breath as her story comes to its conclusion, then glances around the table as if looking for what to do next. She reaches for a bottle of ink and the nearest textbook, and begins copying words down quickly.

Felix sits numbly, watching her write without really seeing. Memories of his own summer flick through his mind like a picture book: reluctantly attending stupid social events, bored stiff; hiding up in his room to avoid his parents with their incessant lectures and pointed remarks; wandering the grounds, the library, the conservatory, brooding miserably and generally feeling sorry for himself. Felix wishes he knew exactly where he had been and what he had been doing when the girl across from him, who tamed dragons and thestrals, and fought ice knights and werewolves, had become desperate and hungry enough to venture out of her lonely house to steal food from muggles.

He has a mad urge to put his arm around Juniper, to comfort her somehow. Not that she appears to need it or want it. She seems embarrassed, but not sad or bitter. He wonders how much of her brave face is an act and how much really just rolls off her shoulders.

Felix clears his throat. "You know...if you ever...I mean-” He pauses and puts the words together in his head before continuing. "If it happens again, you can always write me. I won't tell anyone, I promise, and I'll make sure you don't have to resort to petty theft."

Juniper lets out a snort of laughter and rolls her eyes. "You know, you can't lose house points over the summer. Slytherin's reputation was just fine."

"It's not about Slytherin," Felix says and his voice is earnest enough to stifle her affected humour. "It's just... you're thirteen. You shouldn't have to worry about that sort of thing."

Juniper gives him a little half-smile. "Thanks... " she says awkwardly, "but it's really ok. It's hardly the worst thing to ever happen to me. And like I said, it all worked out for the best. I wouldn't have found Sparky if I hadn't been here."

Juniper returns to copying notes, but Felix doubts she's taking in anything she's writing

"And," she adds as an afterthought, not looking up. "I'm fourteen. My birthday's at the start of break."

Felix isn't sure what to say. He pulls his own book toward him and tries hard to focus on the lines of text, but he knows he won't remember anything but her words the following day.

-

The two Slytherins visit Sparky nearly every morning now they have no classes, but have yet to venture back down into the valley to touch the dragon. Felix thinks Sparky might look a bit less furious with them, though. He has started catching the food they throw to him again, at least. But it's becoming increasingly obvious that rabbits will not sate the growing dragon much longer.

"He really needs bigger game," Felix notes. "If we don't hear back from Kettleburn's friend soon, we're going to have to find something else to feed him."

"How long has it been since you wrote him?" Juniper asks, sitting perched on the ledge, legs swinging back and forth restlessly.

"Nearly a month," Felix admits, "But it's not like sending a letter to London. It's bound to take some time."

"Still," Juniper says, her voice strangely brusque, "it's been long enough that we ought to have heard something by now. What exactly did you say?"

"I've told you already," Felix sighs. He sits down next to her, allowing his legs to drape over the side of the ledge as well. "I said there was an injured common welsh green dragon near Hogwarts and would the reserve be interested in taking it."

Juniper makes a clicking noise of frustration. "Yes, you said that bit. But I mean, what exactly did you write? From beginning to end."

Felix raises his eyebrows. "Even if I could remember that, why would it matter?"

"We need to figure out if you might have said something that offended him or that would keep him from writing back right away," Juniper explains curtly. "Did you include a CV or something that he might be checking?"

Felix looks at her blankly. "What are you talking about?"

"You told Kettleburn you were looking for a job for after school! That was the whole premise of the letter."

"Yes, but it was just a cover! I didn't actually ask him for a job!"

“Seriously?" she exclaims, turning to look at him in astonishment.

"Of course not! I'm not actually interested in dragonology."

Juniper laughs mirthlessly, "Oh right. You're just doing this for the house points, I forgot."

Felix bites back a barbed retort. Ever since their conversation in the common room a few days ago, Felix has felt the need to be kinder and more careful around Juniper than he typically is with anyone. For some reason, this new gentler attitude seems to have inspired a reverse effect in Juniper. He's noticed her tone with him has become increasingly caustic and her comments rather more antagonistic than is her want.

Felix makes the effort to keep his voice even as he answers, "I mean, it isn't a career option for me."

"Why not?"

"My parents would never agree to it," he explains patiently.

"Have you asked?" Juniper demands

Felix smooths his hair down distractedly, trying to quell his growing annoyance. "I don't have to. They want me in a prestigious, powerful position. Dragonologist does not meet those qualifications in any way."

Juniper doesn't say anything for a minute, just crosses her arms and kicks petulantly at the earthen wall.

Felix lets out a breath, grateful the topic seems to be exhausted. He watches Sparky watching them, the dragon's long tail flicking back and forth in anticipation. He's about to make another comment on Sparky's need for more substantial meals, when Juniper speaks again, her voice aggressive.

"So what?"

"So...what?" Felix asks, not following.

"So what if that's not what they want for you. Do it anyway. It's clearly what you want, and you're a legal adult. It's not like they can stop you."

Felix is a little taken aback, by her return to this uncomfortable subject and by her cantankerous tone. He shakes his head slightly. "That's not-"

"Aren't you the one who's always on me about not wasting my talent and focusing on my future and not letting my brother ruin things for me?" Juniper interrupts, speaking rapidly

"That's not the same thing," Felix responds, now unable to keep an edge from his own voice.

"Yes it is," she argues belligerently. "You're just blindly following your parents footsteps, like you say I follow my brother's and not considering what's best for you at all."

Felix is too irritated to be gentle with her anymore. "My parents know what's best for me!" he argues.

"Really?" Juniper's tone cuts like a knife. "Your father was a Death Eater, Felix. I don't think I'd consider him an expert on what's best for anybody."

She's gone too far, and she knows it.

Felix watches Juniper's eyes widen as her own words hit her and she covers her mouth with her hand automatically. But he doesn't care. Felix's veins fill with ice and he enters that cold, calculating head-space he goes to when he's absolutely furious. He stares at her, expressionless, unsure if he wants to jinx her or just push her over the ledge into the ditch below.

Juniper can't seem to meet Felix's eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry." Her voice is more equable than it's been all day, but it has no effect on Felix's mood. "What you do with your life... and your family situation, it - it isn't any of my business. Except, that you're my friend and I care about you."

Juniper says this matter-of-factly, and at a different time it might have meant something to Felix to hear it, but he can't feel anything now.

"I just think you need to consider that your parents...they might not have your best interests at heart. Parents are just people too, and they're not infallible. They might have more experience, but they make mistakes and they can do the wrong thing, just like anyone."

"How would you know?" Felix asks cruelly, "You barely have parents."

He knows distantly that he should feel bad at the injured look that crosses her face, but he doesn't.

"That's exactly how I know,”Juniper answers simply. 

It takes all the self-control Felix has to leave their exchange there. He can think of a few more harsh things he'd like to say to her, and wonders heartlessly if he could make her cry. That's something he'd like to see just at present. Instead, Felix stands, drawing himself up to his full height, and adopts his most imperious and disdainful expression.

"Well, you're right about one thing," he announces as he turns his back on her haughtily. "It isn't any of your business."

With that, Felix stalks away leaving Juniper alone with the dragon.

-

Felix and Juniper spend the next few days studiously avoiding one another; no easy feat as they're currently the only two students in their house. The day after their fight, Juniper speaks to Felix just long enough to recuse herself from feeding Sparky, claiming she has business in Hogsmeade. This is fine with Felix as he feels entirely undisposed to talk to her at the present.

That morning, he visits Sparky on his own for the very first time. Felix expects to feel confident and pleased with himself to finally be alone with the dragon. But the forest seems rather too quiet. Sparky keeps attempting to crane his neck over the top of the valley's wall and giving little musical calls. So, Felix doesn't stay long.

Once his fury burns out, Felix feels a little abashed at having allowed a third-year to bait him into a such a ridiculous argument in the first place. As he thinks back over the incident, it's clear to Felix that Juniper was out of sorts from the beginning, and probably trying to pick a fight. And it's not as though he hasn't had his father's Death Eater status thrown in his face many times before, often accompanied by a hex or a curse.

But something about what Juniper said continues to bother Felix. It would be easier to pretend the whole thing never happened if he were entirely convinced her arguments had no merit. But the more he runs her angry words through his head, the more he worries that she may not have been wrong.

It's Christmas Eve before they speak to each other again. Felix has been visiting Sparky in the evenings now that he's there alone. For whatever reason, when left to his own devices, he prefers to do his rule-breaking under cover of darkness.

As he enters the common room, Felix sees Juniper sitting in her favorite spot on the sofa facing the fire, looking subdued. It takes her a minute to notice his presence, and she attempts to pull her face together into her signature grin but it doesn't meet her eyes.

Felix takes the seat on the sofa opposite her. They sit in silence for a long while, not looking at each other.

Finally, Juniper asks, "How's Sparky?"

"A bit bigger. And hungrier," Felix says. After a moment he adds, "I think he misses you."

Juniper lets out a breathy, bitter laugh that doesn't sound like her at all. "I'm sure he doesn't."

Felix has the distinct impression that it isn't Sparky she's thinking about as she says this.

Uncomfortable silence resumes. Felix watches the fire crackle merrily, and little by little, it melts away his remaining frostiness toward Juniper. He's become accustomed to her presence over the last few months, and he has to admit he's grown fond of her, annoying questions and unfortunate rule-breaking habits and all. But Felix has never been close enough to anyone to need to make-up after a fight, and he doesn't know how to go about it.

"Do you wish you were home?" Juniper asks suddenly. "For Christmas, I mean."

Felix thinks this over, relieved to have a semi-neutral subject to talk about. "No, not really. Holidays aren't a particularly grand affair in my family."

Juniper tries to raise her eyebrows. "Is that, like, a posh way of saying you don't celebrate Christmas?"

Her voice is teasing, but good-natured, and Felix tries to smile.

"No, we celebrate. The house elves decorate and there's gifts and Christmas dinner and all, but... it's not... very merry, I guess."

Felix doesn't know how to convey the difference between his family's stiff, traditional holiday that feels more like obligation than indulgence, and the cosy comfort of the Hogwarts Christmas he's experienced for the first time. But Juniper nods as though she somehow understands what he means.

"Does your family-" Felix starts to return the question, then remembers everything he knows about her family and stops awkwardly.

To his surprise, Juniper answers anyway. "We used to. Christmas was always my favorite time of the year. It was the only time we were all together. My parents would be home, because Jacob was home." She smiles wistfully. "And they always had this huge Christmas party, and the house would be beautiful, and everyone was happy and... there." Her voice breaks on the last word.

"Felix," Juniper raises her head to look full at him. Her voice quavers and her eyes are over-bright. "I'm so sorry... about what I said. About your parents. I mean-" She takes a steadying breath and continues, her voice stronger. "Your parents clearly care about you enough to want you to have things like safety and security. And you're right, maybe I just... can't understand that because my own parents...didn't care enough about me to even stick around after Jacob..." She trails away, looking down at her hands in her lap. "Anyway, I'm just...sorry. Please forget what I said."

Felix just nods. He can't say anything.

A memory is resurfacing of a time long ago when he contracted Dragon Pox. When he'd first been informed of the diagnosis, six year old Felix had been excited, the word dragon having only positive associations in his mind. But a few days later, he feels like he's on fire. His skin itches mercilessly, and terrifies him by peeling off in huge, scaly pieces like a snake. It's the last time he can remember vividly crying for his mother, desperately desiring to be held and comforted. But she never comes. It's a house elf that cares for him through the next fortnight. His mother tells him later that his father wouldn't permit it, didn't want to risk spreading the illness. A rational response, seventeen year old Felix understands. But he cannot forget that horrible feeling of utter loneliness that plagued him worse than the pox itself.

Felix hears the distant tolling of the clock tower chiming the hour and realizes it's midnight. Which means it's Christmas Day. He turns to Juniper to wish her a Happy Christmas and finds she's fallen asleep, curled on her side, her head resting against the arm of the sofa.

Felix stands up and walks quietly around to where she's sleeping. He takes a blanket from the back of the sofa and drapes it across her, then tiptoes up the stairs to his own dormitory. It's colder here than it was in the common room, the fire in the grate burned down almost to embers. He pulls his Slytherin jumper over his pyjamas before climbing into bed and tugging the blanket up all the way to his chin.

All the thoughts Felix does not want to think are waiting for him as soon as he closes his eyes. He knows now, on a level deeper than the rational, that his parents don't care about him. At least, not the way parents should. They care about him the same way they care about the family manor and the garden, or their dress robes and jewels: as a status symbol, to be kept well and used to impress the people around them. Would his mother comfort her emerald necklace if it was alone, sick, and scared? Would his father ask their prize hippogryph what it's interested in or passionate about, or what it might like to accomplish in the future?

Of course not, thinks Felix sickly, and there's no reason to treat me any differently. I'm a possession, not a person.

Felix sits up, swings his legs over the side of his bed and fumbles for his carpet slippers. He pads back down the stairs to the common room and finds Juniper exactly where he left her. Careful not to wake her, he slides on to the opposite end of the sofa where she's sleeping, tucking his legs up under the blanket. He can just feel her stockinged feet brush against him. The contact is fleeting, buts it's enough to ease a little of the loneliness that throbs through his whole body like a dragon bite.

-

A/N: I would like to apologise for posting such a depressing Christmas chapter. To make up for it, I have also posted a very fluffy little Christmas story starring MC and Merula Snyde, with an epilogue that features Felix and ties in with this story (chronologically, it takes place toward the beginning of this chapter). So if you're choking on angst by the end of this, please go cheer yourself up.

Chapter 8 | Masterpost