#this is silly. three cheers for characters that i'm pretty sure appear only once and therefore have nothing on them

[hardware-sparks]

She's like if a cat got a human body. Which is true

[fizzingwizard]

An unfiltered reaction to Jigen Daisuke the live action movie, which I call Jigen Daisuke, A Very Nice Man Who Kills People And Cries A Lot

I didn't read any other reviews/reactions yet because I want this to be PURE. lol. Also only watched once and I often change my mind on some points when I rewatch

Not sure whether I like this movie. I enjoyed it! But did I enjoy it as a movie, or as a Lupin fan?

It's not a movie that can stand alone outside the Lupin fandom. Like, if this was some random gunslinger movie, I would not have watched it in the first place. That would mean it loses points, except this is Lupin III, everyone knows it is, and it's openly relying on that clout. In this case, it's probably silly to consider it as a "movie" rather than a "Lupin movie." So that doesn't bother me.

On the flip side... the movie has nothing to do with Lupin III, so it could be about some rando and nothing would have to change. At all. That bugs me because if you're gonna give Jigen his own live action and not include the rest of the gang in any way (except for a three second appearance of the Fiat and Lupin's red jacket through the windshield), then you've got to go to lengths to make me believe it is in fact Jigen. I don't mean I want a "Meet Jigen Daisuke" montage - we're working under the assumption that most everyone watching already knows his character bio. In the script and acting, I need something that means he couldn't be switched out with any other Cool Guy (TM) character and read exactly the same way.

Nice things:

I like Tamayama's Jigen. He's cool but subdued, although you do get hints that he's not always so mellow, which I really appreciated. Like when he almost shouts at Oto and then purposefully lowers his voice. "Oh, I'm not yelling at Lupin, this is an actual child," lol. One of my favorite scenes was when he reads Oto's tragic backstory in the notebook, and wants to hide that he's tearing up, so he desperately fumbles for a cigarette, only to be thwarted haha. That, and him telling spectators "Don't look," seemed really Jigen to me.

A fun cast of original characters. I enjoyed Chiharu a lot. I think it's rather funny that Tamayama is playing the Cool Guy Main Character, who spends almost all of his on screen time talking to an elderly woman lol. But she was tough and kind and honestly I'm just glad she wasn't a sexy young lady lol. The people in her town, the florist, the guy who was kicked out of the Go club for gambling - all a lot of fun too.

Special mention: Ruri! I adored her the minute she appeared and I really expected she'd have more of a role than she did. I was back and forth whether she'd be a help or a hindrance, especially after it turned out she was Shadow Guy's (forgot his name sorry) lover. Usually I don't like the Love Interest Who Appears For One Movie Then Never Again, but in this case I was actually cheering fo Jigen/Ruri. Of course, the one time I like a ship, the rug is immediately pulled out from under me hahaha.

Found family dynamic I mean what can I say, you hit my weak point. Grandma Chiharu (the gun forger), her nephew Jigen (the hired gun), and his daughter Oto (the tortured child). Checks out. Also Jigen's desperation to make Oto happy was adorable.

Really cool disabled villain?! Adele's opening scene was awesome. Honestly, when I saw she was in a wheel chair and had a fancy prosthetic leg, all I was expecting was that she'd open her knee cap and surprise! there'd be a gun inside. But not only did she get to pop some wheelies, she also took advantage of her lower vantage point to maneuver the gunmen into shooting each other. It was a strong opener and, personally, my favorite action sequence in the movie.

The lighting and atmosphere were pretty great throughout. I especially enjoyed Shadow Guy's uhh shadowy-ess. (Not so much his questionable CG faces.) The use of colored lighting, the showdown between Jigen and Shadow Guy that was all in blue etc, gave the film an artistic tone which kinda helped cover up stuff that was otherwise rather bland.

The concept of "drugs made from children" - at first I was just laughing, like what the heck? I thought they meant smuggling drugs inside the children's bodies or something. But I changed my mind. However sci-fi it is, I think it's kind of neat that they basically taught the audience the effect of constant stress on a young child's psyche, and how it keeps them in a constant state of fight or flight. Yeah, all the details were super iffy (why would drinking their blood send any of that to the recipient, and why would it result in eternal young? lol), but hey, it's Lupin *shrug* At the time, I was hoping there would be further messages about ways adults, even those who are well-meaning, overlook the impact our actions have on children, or ignore their feelings. Because Oto's feelings were very much ignored before Jigen. The movie seemed to be going out of its way to show us how much Jigen was trying to get Oto to speak for herself, even through writing, and have an opinion of her own. So I was intrigued, but it didn't really go anywhere. It's nice that Jigen's goal was Oto learning to laugh, but since Oto is pretty much just a victim after getting kidnapped again, we lose touch with her character and it doesn't hit the same for me. Which leads me to...

Meh things:

The first half of the movie is kinda low energy. While I wasn't exactly expecting typical Lupin shenanigans, so much of the first half is just Jigen talking to people without learning much. I like Chiharu, sure, but she's not like a scintillating conversationalist. (Although she is better than Jigen lol)

And while as expected the energy picked up with the action scenes in the second half, they were almost without speech - which is a point for realism, but minus a point for Entertaining Fizz *shrug* If only Lupin were there to provide a partner for some witty banter. I'm kinda joking, with Jigen alone the silence is fitting and supports the clean and speedy way he shoots. But it just went on so long. And you know there's not much very Lupin-y about this movie, except the ridiculous stunts and sheer number of people Jigen defeats all by his lonesome self... so that's a thing.

The whole "your gun talks to you" thing gets a big What from me. If was Goemon I'd understand, at least in the sense that it would be Goemon and I don't understand him anyway. :P Jigen's relationship with his gun is weirdly intimate true. And I really enjoyed Chiharu pointing out that considering how many parts he's had to replace over the years, no part of his magnum is actually the same one he started out with. When Jigen got a present of magnum bullets from the florist, I knew he'd get his revolver back soon (I mean we all would have known it anyway, it's Jigen), and the moment he ran out of bullets for his replacement gun, I was like, shit Chiharu's coming NOW?? And not only does she come, she careens into the hyper security building in a big ol' bus. Which... is a good choice I guess, good protection. But the timing, THE TIMING. There are some coincidences I can forgive and some I can't lol. All I'll say saves this scene is that Chiharu doesn't die in it.

Re: the talking gun: for this movie to impress me, it needed to tell me something about Jigen. It didn't need to earth-shattering news. I wasn't hoping for a bunch of flashbacks about his youth on the streets or anything. Just something about his heart, his values, his weaknesses... Anything. What we get is obvious: The first scene is Jigen shooting a man in a gun fight. A child is there, although they're taken away before it starts, so I guess the man is the kid's father. Then the movie itself is about protecting a child's happiness. I suppose there's a message there. Still I don't think, in the end, we learned anything about Jigen at all. He's cool. He's brusque. He likes to say he doesn't like things he does in fact like very much. He's sentimental. I guess we learned Jigen cries easily because he was like crying aaaaall the time. Okay okay, that's exaggerating. But still. The cigarette cry was a good cry. Loved the acting. But when he tears up around Chiharu later, it was too much for me. Like he's trying to convince her that she shouldn't rely on the police, she should rely on him instead, because he'll definitely be able to shoot straight through those tears. *shrug*

Another complaint about Jigen: is he a guy who's worked as a bodyguard, a merc, a hired gun? Because ya definitely don't see it in this movie! He's pretty much a superhero. Rescuing Oto, protecting Chiharu, fighting through his own injuries, defeating legions of enemies, and keeping the moral high ground. As much as I don't think a Jigen movie has any need to explain it's a Jigen movie, it's weird to me that he's so much a good guy in it - yeah, I know a lot of Lupin movies are like that, so this kind of a pointless complaint... But it still bugs me.

Back to the OCs. Adele, who was so awesome at first, is totally uninteresting the rest of the time. I expected some commentary on her using a mechanical voice while Oto tries to recover her real one. It's probably good they didn't do that, because it's pretty insensitive to real people with vocal problems. But because they still gave Adele that voice and made it part of her tragic backstory, your mind goes there anyway. The real bummer of Adele is that we never really know what she wants. She says it's power, and we're meant to understands that because she had so much of her power taken away as a child, this is how she gains it back as an adult. But she's soft and heartbroken at the end, pretty much telling us she wishes Jigen had been there for her the way he's there for Oto. That's not a new idea, but it sucks when the only build up to it is Adele saying it out loud and then, instead of using her amazing fighting prowess, she challenges him to a quick draw duel. You could argue that since they're both quick draws, this was an interesting fight... But what was memorable about Adele's fighting was how intricate and showy it was. Jigen did that took in his way, but what he's known for are those cowboy stand-offs. So this was Jigen's duel from the outset and from the audience's perspective Adele had already lost simply because of that. Yes she's happy Jigen's released her from her miserable life I guess. Who she is, what drives her, how she really feels about Oto and the other children, is all kinda just bits of information which come out piecemeal in the rather anticlimactic finale.

The movie is live action, and generally benefits from it. But with Adele, for some reason it went super anime IMO. I don't just mean her character design. It's definitely different, but not too far off from the rest of the characters. The way she cradles Oto, dressing her in the white gown, keeping her on her lap like a doll, made me think of gothic novels, and def shojo manga. The way Adele dramatically falls out the window with a smile in slow motion as well seemed right out of anime storyboard. Not a big deal in the scheme of things, but it stuck out to me like a sore thumb. Obvs Shadow Guy is a pretty anime-style henchman too, but not as extreme as Adele.

Shadow Guy and Ruri: Just didn't get enough development. I really wish Ruri and Jigen had met again in the end. I was half expecting her to show up and try to get revenge on Jigen, or kill herself... I mean I'm definitely glad she didn't, because we hardly needed more tragedy to balance out Oto's rescue. But I liked Ruri, I'm sorry her lover was killed even if it was his own doing, and they definitely seem to have been in tough strait themselves, so. And Ruri knows Chiharu. Everything seemed prime for her to have some role in the finale, but nope. Honestly, much as I like Chiharu, I might have enjoyed Ruri taking in Oto? Okay, Ruri's lifestyle isn't conducive to raising a kid at all :P But it would have tied her in, maybe, if she moved in with Chiharu so an old retired lady didn't have sole responsibility of a traumatized young girl. And Ruri could have learned watch-making, along with being a sex worker, hopefully encouraging her to be more choosy with her clients so she doesn't get hurt so much. Idk I just felt Ruri was left out to dry in the end, her romance existing just to make the movie sadder.

Last, Oto: Cute actress. Very good at behaving terrified. And adorable when she was finally allowed to smile. But like I mentioned earlier, I wish she had found more agency in the end. Of all the tropes they avoided, one I wish they'd kept was Oto finding her voice in the final battle scene. I know she says "I'm sorry." But I'm picturing like, Adele has Jigen at her mercy, and at the moment Adele begins to shoot Oto just shrieks with everything in her and it distracts Adele enough that Jigen finds an opening... Her getting miraculously cured in an instant would be overkill for sure, and I appreciate that she's doing some self-therapy through writing in the notebook as she recovers and heads towards speech one day. What I really just wanted was for Oto to have some say/something to do in her own rescue.

Speaking of which, it seems children have replaced women in the action movie "damsel in distress" role. In Lupin it's everywhere. I'm a bit tired of it. I miss scrappy, precocious kids.

Tl;dr: I enjoyed the movie as a Jigen fan. It's not bad! It's better than expected really. I have a couple :) issues, that's all. Lol

[ladyc0312]

A Jikook Guide to RunBTS: 112-121

Yes, I'm still doing these! It's just happening more slowly than I'd like because writing for work + writing fic + trying to go to bed before midnight + so much amazing content being released that clearly must be poured over and dissected = less time to make guides. For anyone still with me, he's the next section!

Ep 112 “Dalbang School Part 1” (Ep: 5 / KM: 4)

The ones with BTS in a classroom driving Teacher Jin insane

5:58 - JM declares that he and Taehyung will pair up (by being the first to hug each other in a game), but then when Hobi blows the whistle at 6:38, JK runs over to hug JM before Tae can get to him.

6:58 - Jin asks why JM said he wanted Tae and then hugged JK. JM explains that he didn't hug him, he just found himself in JK's hug as JK cackles in the background.

7:24 - When Jin blows his whistle at the class, JK and JM mirror each other in putting a finger in one of their ears.

7:35 - Teammates JK and JM are immediately on the same page about wanting their team name to be Kim Seokjin. When they have to change it, JM quickly picks up JK's suggestion that they call their team Bang Sihyuk. These don't sound like particularly unique moments, but when you watch it, it just really strikes you how in sync the two of them are in terms of physicality, ideas, and sense of humor.

9:52 - After Jin comments that he heard JM did very well in school, JK adds that JM was the top student. When someone else asks if JM was the best or second-best, JK forcefully reiterates that he was the best student.

12:45 - When they get a question right, JK and JM clasp hands and bump their shoulders together.

13:10 - JM and JK both goof around, speaking in satoori and challenging JHope to a fight of sorts.

13:27 - When Jin repeats that they got the question right, JK and JM do exactly the same as 12:45, but seated this time.

14:22, 14:36, 15:13 - In all three of these moments, JM nearly falls over laughing at something JK did that no one else found anywhere near as funny.

23:36 - When JK says he's good at this game, JM laughs and pokes JK in the chest with a marker.

BEHIND 2:30 - JM takes a selfie of him and JK with his personal phone while they're supposed to be paying attention to Jin.

6:35 - JK cheers on JM and calls him Jimin-ssi when JM announces he's doing well on this spot-the-difference round. When Jimin modifies the brag to say he only found four, JK says "that's still quite impressive."

Ep 113 “Dalbang School Part 2” (Ep: 5 / KM: 4)

4:50 - We all know how JK is when he gets into his "focus" zone, especially in a competitive environment. But here, when JM rather rudely interrupts JK's melodica practice, JK just starts playing around with him and giggles.

7:41 - As RM & JH take their turn, jikook are whispering to each other in the back row.

11:42 - After quickly agreeing on a lunch option, jikook do a high five / handshake thing and then JM says "we think alike" and "we get along pretty well." JK responds "that's exactly it" and the on-screen captions tells us they are a "good match."

22:20 - This is where JK and JM start switching back and forth carrying each other on their backs to get under a limbo stick.

They go again at 23:35, 26:11, and 28:13.

And again at 30:22 and 32:16 and 34:30 because, even though they lost, they want to try to do it again to show that they can as a "matter of pride."

25:00 - JK points something out to JM and then pats his butt.

33:33 - JM announces they lost, and then jikook do another handshake / high five thing.

34:33 - JM does an... interesting pose for the camera where he puts his hand on a bent-over JK's back and smirks.

34:56 - Yet another handshake and JM pats JK on the back when they finally pass the limbo challenge.

BEHIND 5:55 - While examining the limbo setup, JM comments that JK is good at this. JK comes over to give a demonstration and JM watches him be silly with it and says "he's a strange kid" fondly.

6:21 - Another jikook limbo attempt - this one was cut because they did it too easily.

Ep 114 “League of Number One Part 1” (Ep: 3 / KM: 1)

The ones where BTS play games with League of Legends world champions

3:55 - After Jimin protests that he shouldn't be out, JK tells his hyung to turn around and face the back.

14:40 - JK fake-boxes JM after losing the hammer game.

18:18 - JK mimics Jimin's BWL intro.

Ep 115 “League of Number One Part 2” (Ep: 2 / KM: .5)

BEHIND

7:05 - JK comes over to check on Jimin's phone to make sure he's actually visible in the selfie the teams take.

Ep 116 “Team-Building Special Part 1” (Ep: 4 / KM: 1)

The ones with random games in that rec room-looking place that are a lot more fun than they sound

22:14 - JM and JK play around with the jump rope during breaktime.

22:26 - JM and JK play around like they're boxing with each other.

BEHIND 5:15 - JK appears to take an interest in watching JM's... back as he moves around acting out potential poses.

Ep 117 “Team-Building Special Part 1” (Ep: 4 / KM: 2)

5:30 - Despite showing pretty much everyone else touching everyone else in the pose guessing game, we don't get a single shot here or in the behind of JK feeling up Jimin. The above photo proves that it happened, though, so definitely side-eyeing the editors, here.

BEHIND 5:35 - JK keeps throwing water bottles when they're supposed to be taking a group photo. Jimin pulls him back next to him and puts an arm around his neck. JK puts an arm around Jimin's shoulders in return.

7:51 - After it's explained that JK is staying late to watch Jin do his penalty, a packed-up Jimin comes over and stands next to JK, waiting until they're done to leave.

Ep 118 “Photo Story Part 1” (Ep: 3 / KM: 3)

The ones where BTS play a Samsung-sponsored game involving getting specific pictures while a spy tries to ruin the fun

4:22 - JM appears to direct JK to go punish Tae and pats JK's back when he starts to obey. Something happens that we don't see when the angle changes - next thing we see, JM seems to be pushing JK? JM then giggles at JK pretending to beat up Tae. (After this, JK spins around like a ballerina. Not jikook-related, just adorable.)

29:51 - JK calls Jimin twice without adding "hyung."

32:28 - JM pulls JK along by the wrist. Meanwhile, J-Hope once again mixes up their names.

32:44 - Though there is now a group walking slowly together and he doesn't need to pull him along anymore, Jimin takes JK's hand again.

37:02 - There are a bunch of seats open in the room, but Jimin walks over to sit right next to JK.

BEHIND 5:40 - When JM tries to steal a post-it from JK, JK scolds him in satoori banmal. JM calls him out for not calling him with hyung and JK quickly apologizes (in a way some k-army jikookers have said is like how a married person would respond to their nagging spouse!).

6:09 - JK and JM meet up and JK tells JM he's exhausted. There's a kind of weird moment that I fully admit I may be reading too much into where JK seems to be walking right towards JM, then abruptly stops and turns, looking at the camera, before walking with Jimin in a different direction than he had been heading. Then, JM says he thinks their matching shirts are hilarious and that it's funny they're wearing them for the show.

Ep 119 “Photo Story Part 2” (Ep: 4 / KM: 3)

8:21 - "You are me, I am you" moment: Jimin does a ballet spin the same way JK did in part one.

11:18 - JK is the only one to vote for JM to be able to keep a picture in other than Jin (who has nefarious reasons for doing so).

29:40 - JM goes over to help JK see how many of his photos the spy ruined and almost falls over laughing when it becomes clear it's nearly all of them.

34:21 - JM puts his hand on JK's shaking leg to help calm him (see above photo), but JK is so irritated that it doesn't work like it usually does. Poor bunny!

35:17 - JM pulls at JK's shirt and hand, then folds over his back while trying to get him to confess that he actually lost.

38:24 - JM has a comforting hand on JK's neck when he's acting upset about losing.

38:32 - When it seems like JK is struggling to come up with an ending statement, JM helps prompt him.

BEHIND

0:55 - JK talks about how amazing it is that Jimin found so many cards.

3:51 - When JK is playing with the sequin art on the front of his shirt, JM leans over and starts rubbing on them, too.

5:11 - Jimin tells JK that, if he wins, he's going to make the loser hike Mt. Achasan. JK asks why he's looking at him when he says that and they both laugh. Jimin pats JK's chest and they laugh even harder. Jin and Tae both have "omg, these two" looks on their faces.

Ep 120 “Reply BTS Village Part 1” (Ep: 3 / KM: 2)

The ones with a real-life Mafia game inexplicably set in a 1970s village. It's... fairly difficult to follow, but the guys are into it and the outfits are great!

24:40 - Jimin breaks character and laughs when asking JK if he's the culprit.

29:40 - Caption: "The air is undeniably tense between Gamer Jeon and Chief Park." Not explicitly jikook, I just find it funny that the writers seem to be playing with some real life relationships, making sope best friends and jikook have tension that leads to banter...

BEHIND

5:34 - When Jimin is playing with the yo-yo, JK expresses concern that he's going to hurt his fingers (caption: Kook is just worrying for his hyung). Then, JK asks poutily and in banmal if he can play with the yo-yo multiple times and Jimins says no. Like, JK straight-up gives his hyung a command ("let me try that") using informal speech and no one bats an eye!

5:58 - Jimin starts singing a song about an ants. JK watches him. JK initially says to Hobi "look, he's a fool/dummy!" (in banmal again), then starts singing along. He jokes that JM doesn't know all the lyrics and Jimin says back "quiet, you."

Ep 121 “Reply BTS Village Part 2” (Ep: 3 / KM: 2)

38:48 - After having asked for it a bunch in the Behind of the previous episode, JK now has Jimin's yoyo.

non-jikook note: At the end of this one, they "time travel" to solve a mystery in Joseon-era Korea and I can't express how badly I want to see that. Please come back to that, Run!

BEHIND 0:58 - Jimin and JK play around accusing each other with exaggerated accents and formality. Jimin comes up behind JK and reaches out to touch his shoulder, but stops when Tae joins them and accuses them of plotting together.

9:05 - When JK says everyone else is so good at acting, Jimin compliments him that he was very funny towards the end.

[awesomelyanxiouspanda]

I'm a Murderer, Not a Monster (Billy Loomis/OFC/Stu Macher) Part 1

This is a repost since I deleted my old Tumblr!

Summary: 

In this AU, Stu and Billy were never caught or killed. Their plan went off without a hitch, and once it was done, they hung up their knives. On the anniversary of Sidney’s death, they were forced to murder again to protect their cover; Tie up loose ends and save themselves from death row for good. Only problem is that the murders were spur of the moment and they have no alibi. On the fly, they choose a house at random and hope for the best. Which leads us up to now!

Author’s notes:

-I had a dream and it inspired this little thing. In this AU, Stu and Billy were never caught or killed. Their plan went off without a hitch, and once it was done, they hung up their knives. On the anniversary of Sidney’s death, they were forced to murder again to protect their cover; Tie up loose ends and save themselves from death row for good. Only problem is that the murders were spur of the moment and they have no alibi. On the fly, they choose a house at random and hope for the best. Which leads us up to now!

-AU takes place in a weird time convergence. Basically the timeline is made up and the worlds don’t matter.

-I’m a fool for bad boys who are soft just for a few specific people, so Billy and Stu will be a bit OOC here. If that’s not your cup of tea, this is your warning.

-Relevant facts: Billy and Stu are both 19-20ish now. Ginger the OFC is 24 and Poppy is 6.

-Ginger’s appearance is rather general but she is short and chubby because there is not enough plus-size character love in fics.

-I had to split this into two parts. This one is SFW, just cursing and mentions of murder. Part two will be NSFW smut!

~“I’m a murderer, not a monster. I don’t kill kids, and what life would a kid have without their mom, hmm?”~

Billy’s words played over and over in my head while I stood, trembling, at the kitchen counter with my hot coffee mug in hand as I sipped at the sweet caffeine for support. I had to put on a strong front. I know he said he wouldn’t kill us but that wasn’t very comforting when there were two serial killers sitting at the table with my daughter; All three eating pancakes like there wasn’t a care in the world.

“Thanks mama. I’m gonna go brush my teeth for school,” Poppy said, pushing out her chair as she collected her plate.

“Alright sweetie. Don’t forget to wash your face after,” I called to her.

She nodded in agreement as she trotted off, ponytail swinging joyfully behind her.

With her bountiful energy out of the room, I let my shoulders sag and swallowed hard. Fear and uncertainty were tearing up my stomach and making it hard to breathe.

“You can relax, doll. We’re not going to hurt you, and especially not her,” Stu commented, shoving the last bite of his pancakes in his mouth, “We’re not that kind of people.”

I cringed slightly at the way he spoke with his mouth full and gaping, but didn’t dare comment on it. Who would correct a murderer on his table manners?

“I know you said that but it’s just…. I’m terrified honestly. I don’t trust anyone in my home, around my kid, other than family and now there are two strange men staying here,” I explained quietly, keeping my tone as docile as possible.

Billy rose silently from his chair and immediately I tensed up as his dark eyes landed on me. He wasn’t insanely tall like his partner but he was beyond intimidating as he marched over and stood only a few inches from me. Even though he was shorter, he still towered over me and my five foot frame. It suddenly felt like there was a lump in my throat that I just couldn’t swallow past.

“We won’t be in your hair longer than we have to be. As long as you keep your end of the deal, everything will go smoothly. You have my word that we wouldn’t touch a hair on that kids’ head no matter what, but if you were to try to start some shit-”

“I would never!” I cut him off immediately, heart racing and pounding hard at the threat, “Self preservation is my strongest suit next to doing anything to protect her.”

“Good, then he’s right. You can relax. You have nothing to worry about,” Billy finished with a nod.

A little grin came to his face and he raised his hand. Instinctively I flinched but somehow managed not to jerk away entirely. He patted my cheek gently with a little click of his tongue before going back to the table.

“Say, Ginger, you got any scary movies here?” Stu chimed in.

…

A week had come and gone, and then a second until more than a month had gone by. After almost two months of Stu and Billy hanging out off and on in my home, it was as if they weren’t even that infamous killer I’d heard so much about on the news. If I hadn’t woken up to the two of them over my bed in the Ghostface masks with blood soaked cloaks and knives, I might have never believed that they were. They were both so… normal. Although Billy obviously had some brooding and anger issues, he seemed to just be a regular, albeit gorgeous, guy with a chip on his shoulder; And Stu was absolutely adorable, funny, kind, and endearing. Together they made a hilarious duo; Billy’s dry humor and sarcasm pairing perfectly with Stu’s overzealous comedy. I was starting to LIKE having them there; it was a scary though.

They were both also surprisingly respectful of our home, of Poppy and my general distrust of men around her; Ensuring they were never in another room alone with her, even if it was just the kitchen or living room. I appreciated their tact. It was becoming easier to make myself almost believe the cover story they had come up with about us meeting in a bar and them passing out in my house on the night of the murders.

I was still in wonder of just how they had ended up here though. We were about an hour away from Woodsboro and in a decent but not extravagant area. Why us? Why this house?

“What’s wrong, doll? You look down?”

My cheeks heated under the pet name and I quickly tried to push away the butterflies it gave me when mixed with the curious look on Stu’s face. There was no way I could begin to acknowledge my stupid little crush on him without it making me feel weird. Although I’d started to feel friendship or possibly more toward them, there’s was nothing to say that they were doing more than keeping up the pretenses of our deal and ensuring I wouldn’t rat them out. Not to mention, my self-esteem told me that two men who were so beautiful would never be interested in a woman of my size and appearance, much less since I was almost four years older than them.

“No, not down, just thinking,” I explained, passing the popcorn bowl over to him.

He cocked his head to the side in obvious curiosity while he swiped some popcorn from the bowl.

“About?” Billy asked from the recliner across the room.

I shrugged but chose to be honest. I’d learned honesty was certainly the best policy with them.

“Why you came to this town when your hometown is an hour away. Why you chose this place of all places.”

Apparently that threw them both for a loop, Stu’s eyes darting to Billy while the other let mild-surprise run across his face.

“Well, I guess it was just fate. I’m pretty sure anyone else would have fought us by now and we’d have had to kill them. Which would have screwed up the whole plan, of course,” Billy vaguely explained.

I felt my curiosity pique at the mention of a plan and I hesitantly asked, “What is your long term plan?”

“A fresh start. Get away from all that shit that started this whole thing and try to do more with our lives,” Billy replied, eyes drifting back to the movie on the TV.

“It wasn’t like we planned on killing forever. Hell, we made it out for a whole fucking year before someone jeopardized our freedom,” Stu added in, “Had to do what needed to be done to keep people looking away from us though.”

He was obviously waiting for some kind of reply but I wasn’t sure what to say. Instead I gave him a shrug as I mulled over my thoughts.

“I can’t say I agree with, or understand, killing anyone to begin with, obviously, but I wasn’t in your situation either. That said, I CAN understand wanting a fresh start. That’s why Poppy and I moved here too; Away from a past life I no longer wanted a part of,” I responded after a while.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Billy asked.

I hesitantly met his powerful gaze before admitting, “I had to leave our old home for our safety. Let’s just say, there are worse things a person can do than end a life.”

The intensity in the room went up a level and I could almost feel both of them staring at my burning face, but I had already let out more than I wanted to. In this place, in my new world, no one knew of our past. They knew I was a single mom to a happy little girl, and that’s how I wanted to keep it. People’s opinions tended to change when they knew your dirty little secrets.

“Mama, are we still watching Rugrats tonight?” Poppy asked.

Her sudden appearance from the bedroom made me jolt and yelp in surprise. She grinned and stuck her tongue out at me, before clutching her tummy and letting out rolls of deep belly laughter.

“I scared you! I scared you! You scare so easy mommy!”

With a slight eyeroll of embarrassment, I waved away her hysterics before gesturing her over.

“Don’t make fun of me, butthead,” I teased, then added, “But yeah, as soon as Stu and Billy head out we’ll put on Rugrats.”

“Sounds like it’s time to skeedaddle, scoob,” Stu commented in a silly voice, “Gotta let the little princess get her movies in.”

Poppy grinned and nodded.

“Don’t forget, you promised to come back soon and play candyland with us,” Poppy reminded the two before climbing up onto the couch next to me.

“Yeah, yeah, pipsqueak,” Billy commented, unable to hide a little grin before he rose to his feet, “We’ll stop by again soon.”

I got up from the couch and walked them to the door out of habit, waiting until they were down the sidewalk before I shut and locked it.

“Okay, let the Rugrats extravaganza begin!” I cheered, scurrying back to the couch.

Poppy giggled and burrowed against my side eagerly as I flipped the TV over to the correct setting and pushed play. The familiar theme song blared from the TV speakers as the movie started and I settled back on the cushions more. Some parents wouldn’t admit it but I still enjoyed cartoons as much as I had when I was a kid. It was a nice bonding experience too, watching some of the shows I grew up on!

…

As the credits rolled, I shifted slightly and slowly lowered Poppy to the couch. She had fallen asleep about halfway through, as I had expected, but I wanted to finish up the movie anyway; It was one of my favorites!

Patting her shoulder gently, I set about picking up the remnants from the evening visit. Popcorn bowl, kernels, soda cans, and the like all barely fit into my arms so I rushed into the kitchen quickly as not to drop anything and let it down on the counter, sorting rubbish from dishes.

I had just got the sink water started to wash the dinner dishes when there was a loud crash from the garage.

“What the fuck?” I muttered.

I cut the water and dried my hands before shuffling closer to the garage door. Once I was almost a foot away, I heard hushed hisses and curses.

“Oh my god!”

As fast as I could, I flipped the deadbolt and door lock, only to be greeted to the sound of something slamming against the door.

“Oooohhhh ladies! I know you’re in theeerrreee,” a male voice sung teasingly, “Just wait ‘til I get you, you fucking bitch!”

Another slam against the door had me finally moving, eyes watering and chest burning as I held in a panicked scream. Without words I snagged Poppy and my phone up from the couch and sped into my room.

“Mommy?” Poppy groaned sleepily.

“Shh baby. I need you to stay as quiet as possible. Someone’s here. Hide in the nightstand.”

Her eyes instantly cleared up as fear marred her features. There was a sense of wisdom in her movements as she calmly and quietly crawled into the lower part of the bedside table, the cubby hole just barely large enough for her small frame. I turned it so the open side faced the wall and breathed out a sigh of relief. You couldn’t tell it wasn’t meant to be that way, nor that there was an opening on the other side. As long as she was still and silent, he’d most likely never find her.

“Whatever you do, don’t come out or speak unless I tell you to. No matter what. I love you.”

With Poppy tended to, I brought up my cell phone and dialed 911.

“This is 911. What is your emergency?”

“My name is Ginger Wallace. I live on 304 Cedar Knoll. Someone just broke into my house and threatened to kill me and my daughter,” I rushed out, hoping my words were clear enough for the operator.

“You said 304 Cedar Knoll, ma’am?” the woman asked.

“Yes, please, hurry and send someone,” I hissed.

Something slammed into the bedroom door and I jumped back with a scream as the pressed wood flexed under the impact. Hands shaking and heart pounding, I ran over to my desk and looked for anything I could use as a weapon. Another wall-shuddering thud hit the door right before the man spoke again.

“They’ll be too late, bitch. They always are. You wanna know all the things I’m gonna do you to before they get here? And to that little bitch too?!”

At those words, my blood ran cold.

“What’s taking so long?” I spit into the phone when I didn’t hear anything other than keys clacking.

“Okay ma’am, I was able to send out your location. An officer is on the way. Are you in a safe place away from the intruder?” she asked.

“Yes? No? I don’t fucking know. There’s a door between us.”

“Okay, I need you to stay on the line with me. An officer should be there about in twenty minutes.”

The door bowed under the pressure of what sounded like the intruder’s entire body being thrown against it and I felt my strength begin to drain, my knees going weak as I back up and leaned against the wall.

“Twenty minutes?!”

That was too long. Way too fucking long. Without much thought, I hung up the phone and dialed the first number I could think of. The intruders cursing was barely registering in my mind as I prayed for my only hope to answer. They had been renting out a place not too far away and with luck they’d still be awake, and thus the closest help.

“Ginger? It’s late, doll. What’s up?” Stu asked through the phone.

Another slam and cracking wood filled the air, along with a cackle that made me shudder.

“There’s someone in our house,” I whimpered, sliding down to sit on the floor as I felt panic set in hard, “He’s threatening to- to kill us. Are you guys able to-?”

“What?! Fuck, yeah. We’re on the way!”

I whispered a quiet thank you and tried to listen as he rambled something about being at the liquor store, but my attention remained on the crack slowly spreading down the door. I had to do something, but what?

“Hey! Ginger! Listen to me, sweetheart. Are you in a seperate room from him?”

Billy’s calming voice came through the haze like a beacon, and I quickly answered him that we were in my bedroom.

“Okay, good. I want you to barricade the door with whatever you have. Dressers, bed, whatever. Just keep him out until we get there. We’re less thab ten minutes away.”

I nodded, then realized with a frustrated sigh that he couldn’t hear that.

“Okay,” I finally murmured.

Climbing to my feet, I managed to pin the phone between my shoulder and ear and push the dresser at the same time. It wasn’t super heavy, but it was something. Next I maneuvered my vanity over. I barely had released it when the man slammed into the door again with a frustrated growl, tearing a startled scream from me as I stumbled back onto the floor.

“Do you have a weapon?” Billy asked suddenly.

“No,” I whispered.

“Is Poppy safe?” came the next question.

“Yes. He won’t be able to find her now,” I replied lowly.

“Okay, okay good. That’s good. We’re almost there.”

I heard a car horn honk from his side of the line and Stu swearing frantically, but then I stopped listening as recognition washed over me. The intruder was quiet, had been for a good minute or two.

As if my thoughts provoked his actions, suddenly the door was rammed again. The crack splintered farther down and I could swear there was light peeking through now.

“If you open up now, I promise to make the brat only watch! Hmm? How does that sound? Would you open up to save her?”

The guy sounded winded or hurt or something, but his threat was still bone-chilling nonetheless. I knew I stood no real chance against him weaponless. A terrified whine escaped before I could stop it and I felt my stomach lurch in disgust.

“We’re here! Right outside, Ginger. Don’t come out, okay?” Billy snapped sharply.

“O-Okay,” I whispered.

A door slammed in the other room and I heard the intruder let out a cry of shock before all three men were yelling. I couldn’t help but hide my head in my arms, unable to stand the sensory overload of the screaming onto top of all the other shit going through my mind. When a cry of pain sounded, my heart nearly stopped. I jumped to my feet when Stu yelled out for Billy, and nearly tore the furniture from the door to investigate the cause, but then came a loud thud; like a body hitting the floor.

I couldn’t make out what was being said at first, but then I heard my name.

“We got him! It’s okay now.”

With a strength I didn’t know I possessed, I shoved away the dresser and vanity as fast as possible and tore the door open, just to be greeted with the sight of Billy and Stu holding down a large man. A glint in the dark drew my attention to the blade at his throat, but my attention was quickly moved to the blood dripping from Billy’s nose.

Fuck. He’d gotten hurt trying to help me. A wave of guilt crashed over me, calmed only slightly when he spoke up.

“I should gut you here and now, you fuckwad,” Billy growled, “Slice you open and let you watch your intestines bleed out like a butchered pig.”

“Yeah! Teach you a lesson about messing with what isn’t yours!” Stu hissed, a terrifying look of glee on his bright eyes.

“No! Don’t kill him! No killing please.”

My shouts echoed across the room, over the man’s pained cries and the heavy grunts of Stu and Billy, and thankfully they both seemed to listen. On shaking legs, I slowly made my way over to them. The assailant was still stupidly struggling under the guys, but they gave him no quarter.

“Let’s do this the right way, okay? Remember, new start,” I whispered, carefully reaching out.

Billy tilted his head back, obviously weighing the options, before be nodded once. I couldn’t help but cringe as the blood dribbled down from his nose.

Damn that asshole for causing all of this mayhem!

“New start,” Billy agreed finally.

Hesitantly I rested a hand on their backs in a grateful manner, to which Stu surprisingly seemed to relish in.

I let out a yelp of fear as Billy reached out and suddenly slammed the man’s face into the floor, effectively knocking him out and silencing him immediately. Stu let out a snort then leaned lightly against my leg, his weight and warmth a welcome support in return, as Billy tied the man’s hands behind his back.

I let out a sigh of relief as we finally heard sirens approaching.

“Where’s Poppy?” Stu demanded suddenly, rising to his feet with an expression kin to fear on his face.

Billy swore harshly and growled out, “Did he hurt her before?!”

“No, no, she’s okay,” I reassured him quickly, “We hid before he got to us.”

Both men went limp in obvious relief as I called for her to come out. I heard nightstand scrape on the ground before she rushed out, barreling straight into my legs. I wasted no time hugging her back. After a few moments, she threw herself at the Stu. He brought her up in a bear hug, tossing a questioning look in my direction, to which I could only shrug. Why would I deny her comfort after what we’d just experienced? She clung to him like her life depended on it.

“We’re safe now, baby,” I murmured to her, reaching out and rubbing her back.

Her curls bobbed as she nodded in understanding. As she began to pull back, she instantly reached out for Billy, who was much more hesitant about holding her.

“Thank you. Thank you for saving us,” Poppy muttered into his shoulder.

“Of course,” was all he said eyes wide and glued to mine.

It was painfully obvious that he felt awkward and unsure of the familial affection, and I wanted to help somehow but wasn’t sure how. Stu shifted closer and wordlessly wrapped an arm around my shoulder, copying the motion on Billy, drawing us in. Poppy let out a little hiccup and a weak whimper as she fit snugly between the three of us. Feeling less awkward and even more grateful to them, I let my guard down and gave into my baser emotions; the dam breaking with the first tears that slipped out.

“Oh doll,” Stu muttered, squeezing me tighter when a little sniffle escaped my hold.

Eyes burning and chest aching with so many hectic emotions, I wrapped an arm around both their waists and held them tight; soaking up the feeling of complete and utter safety. As I rested my face against Stu’s chest, the tears flowed freely.

“You’re okay now,” Billy added after a few moments, “We’re not gonna let anyone hurt you.”

The sincerity in his tone took some of the ache away. I carefully drew from Stu and turned to face Billy, letting a frown curve at my lips.

“But you got hurt,” I murmured.

He looked surprised for a second before simply shrugging.

“This is nothing. I’d take worse if it’s what I had to do to make sure you guys weren’t hurt,” he replied.

Blushing, I swallowed hard and tentatively reached out, taking the hand that wasn’t holding up Poppy.

“Thank you. Let me go get a napkin and some ice for your nose.”

[movienotesbyzawmer]

April 12: Rocky III

(previous notes: Rocky II)

Because now that Rocky has done the unthinkable and become The Champ, we want to see him tackle the next challenge… win AGAIN.

I remember seeing this in the theater with my buddy. I don't know if I liked it. I'm pretty sure I found Mr. T to be as charismatic and as terrifying as they wanted. I'm pretty sure when I bought the ticket I hesitated and asked the cashier, "hey, wait, we get to see him do some variation on the triumphant steps jogging moment, right? Otherwise never mind I'll go see Poltergeist again". If I'm paying good money for boxing sequels, I want to be assured that the formula has not been altered.

Okay let's go.

Once again, this is Un Film De Sylvester Stallone.

Slight variation on the fanfare with the title, now there's a close-up of the Important Belt Buckle Of Punchsport.

Then we see the climax of the previous movie, maybe edited slightly for time. But not very noticeably different.

That segues immediately to a montage of Rocky doing many successful beatup games, scored by the enormous pop hit "Eye of the Tiger". I suspect this isn't the last we'll hear of this number.

The montage morphs into a different story, one starring Mr. T! He's watching Rocky win stuff and he is not pleased. He can also fist-game, it seems. But the montage makes it clear that it is our hero Rocky who is the star of commercial endorsements and marriage love.

I mock but this visionary filmmaker has indeed opened this movie with energetically cinematic choices.

0:8:40 - Arcade games! Paulie goes to an arcade and it is like the arcades I went to when this movie was out and I see games that I played! But Paulie doesn't like the Rocky pinball machine. It seems he is a sore brother-in-law.

Rocky is now very dashing. Paulie is drunk and whiny about how Rocky is such a big shot now, but he has a point about how prettied up he has become.

Later that night Rocky and Adrian are in their bed and it has a rich person headboard. The director, also visibly present in front of the camera, clearly instructed the production designer to create a bed that would reflect the elite level of financial flexibility that the protagonist has reached.

So apparently Rocky has gotten himself into the strange situation where he has to do a charity boxing match against a wrestler played by the increasingly famous Hulk Hogan. I had forgotten that Hulk Hogan is in this movie. Mr. T is watching this match and he looks intensely the same way he only ever does.

Whoa Hulk Hogan is way taller than Sylvester Stallone. Is that allowed? The rules have changed! And this whole thing is not boxing it is wrestling and it is that silliness instead of boxing. This is a long scene that is the same as a typical Wrestlemania thing, all manufactured drama made to seem like fighting and true menace, but at the end we see that they are just professional coworkers and we have all learned a valuable lesson haven't we.

At a statue-unveiling, Rocky announces that he is maybe retiring. MAYBE. But then Mr. T shows up talking smack, and ladies and gentlemen we have ourselves an end-of-Act-One.

As Act Two begins, we have a scene that was an A+ homework assignment for the screenwriting teacher of Rocky III's screenwriter, who you will recall is the craftsman Sylvester Stallone. Burgess Meredith is like "I quit! I won't help you with this fight! Mr. T is too hard to beat!" But then they talk it out to advance past that scripted complication. And now Rocky and Mr. T are training for their fight in their separate worlds.

Speaking of worlds, in the World Of Rocky, the famous theme that was introduced in the score of the first movie is actually known to the characters in this movie as Rocky music. They play it for him publicly to celebrate their pride in his violence accomplishments.

Apollo Creed appears to be retired, but he is a commentator at this Rocky/T fight.

0:40:00 - They're about to do the fight, but Mr. T is so The Way He Is that the wants to fight on the way TO the fight. That results in some tumult that makes BM have health problems. It was vague what happened, it seemed like BM was shoved aside by all the mad/scared/fighting people, so then he has a conversation with Rocky in a back room where he's like, don't stop the fight even though I am suddenly vaguely frail. He sort of clutches his chest like maybe there's a heart attack but just one of those everyday ones. I have those every time I click send on a work email. My friends should not be discouraged from championship fisticuffs when that happens.

This is the first Rocky movie to be made after Raging Bull came out, and I detect some influence in the boxing footage, like with close-ups of Mr. T.

Rocky loses that fight pretty quickly, and maybe the problem is that he didn't do a pre-victory steps jog. But the movie is telling us that BM is dying on a table in the back room and that's the real problem.

BM dies and SS has done some pretty ambitious cry-acting. Then the funeral is in one of those indoor above-ground file-cabinet-style cemeteries, which is not the normal cinematic choice so nice job there.

I can already tell that we're going to have another thirty minutes of a bummed-out Rocky to fill out Act Two before it starts to look like the setup for a fulfilling climax can begin. It's what I would have told him to write if he were my student at the third-rate community college where I'm a part-time screenwriting teacher in this scenario.

Apollo Creed has shown up to try to pep-talk Rocky, and he keeps saying "eye of the tiger" because of marketing departments. But also, he is a more mature person than in the first two movies. Even though it's a character shift, I do kind of buy it. It seems like another side of the character we knew slightly.

0:59:00 - Another scene beginning with dialogue that sounds like it was improvised by people who don't know what real life is like. "Come on you're going to be late to the airport!" "Maybe you should have packed another sweater" "no in California it's not too cold". AHA THEY ARE GOING ON A TRIP TO CALIFORNIA I AM ON TO YOU ROCKY III

When they go to Los Angeles and show us people on the street and the people have been told to look and act super different so that the audience will be like, wow California is different, then, well, we are at this part of Rocky III did you know.

Although there was my earlier expectation that we were going to have a prolonged funereal story arc, but what's happened is that Apollo is invested in training Rocky so they're showing us that side of Apollo, and that's interesting. But also it's the template of "Rocky is training and he doesn't look like he's going to get there, but then inspiration will hit and he will look like he is going to get there". S. Stallone, noted filmmaker, is using montages and flashbacks to show how recent bad news moments for Rocky are haunting him. It is working.

Adrian performs a pep talk monologue for Rocky. I don't understand her point. It's like a box of those refrigerator poetry magnets jumbled up together and spoken as movie script lines. I guess the gist is "don't give up" and he starts to think maybe he shouldn't give up. Then it's a new training montage, and it's got the classic "running far now" Rocky theme so we know it's going well. The twist on the classic cheering-atop-stairs cadence is it's Rocky and Apollo on the beach, and Rocky is a little faster than Apollo and that is great news for them both.

Now we're right before the final fight, and we heard Mr. T tell a reporter that he "pity the fool". I didn't hear the rest of what he said, I was just so happy to hear him say "pity the fool".

Oh but shortly after that he is asked what his prediction is, and he looks at the camera, OUR camera, at US, and says "PAIN". Submitted without comment.

That face-to-face moment right before the fight starts, Mr. T says "imma bust you UP" and Rocky says "go for it". Advanced Scripted Dialogue with Professor Stallone.

The final fight happens, and it's mostly the same as how the other ones went except without a montage summarizing a whole bunch of rounds. I think this whole fight ended in three rounds. But it ends with the exact same music that I'm getting sick of….

BUT! There is a follow-up scene this time! It's some other day later on and Apollo and Rocky are just palling around at the gym. And THEN the movie ends. I feel that the producers must have implored Stallone, artisan that he is, to just end the movie on that climactic moment right after the fight ends, just like the other movies, but he said NO. That is not ENOUGH for a SYLVESTER STALLONE FILM. We will have an additional scene with INCONSEQUENTIAL BANTER. It will last OVER ONE MINUTE. And here we are. Rocky III: it's like Raging Bull, but better!!

I think Talia Shire is the only female actor with any lines in this movie.

One thing that's very much worth saying about this movie is that there is WAY more actual boxing in this movie. The other ones had almost no scenes where there were live boxing matches, but this one had lots. Plus that wrestling one! And as I observed, the directing style with this one also had a newfound sense of visual pop. But the story seems like it changed not at all from how it was described in the first studio board room meeting where jackass producers blurted out what Rocky III might be like.

(next: Rocky IV)