#this is so personal will be honest im a little embarassed but ohhh i want to scream thinking about him

[prettyboykatsuki]

✮ cw ; heavy bdsm but not explicitly sexual, lifestyle sub bakugou, dom + gn!reader, bkg spend a lot of time in subspace 18+

✮ a/n ; i want to treasure him so bad

Katsuki lives in a perpetual state of embarrassment while dating you.

This is true for more reasons than he can list on one hand. Being in love as it turns out, is fucking embarassing. Humiliating at times. You often treat him like he's as see through as a looking glass, matching his moods and his whims and doing all sorts of other things that make him really feel like he's being looked at.

And he doesn't hate it, which is the most embarassing part for him. He likes being favored by you. Likes being looked at, understood, cared for. He'd rather die early than fix his mouth to say anything about it.

But you know, usually. A soft tilt of head and a pat to the lap for invitation - you usually know what Katsuki needs. You have a code word, a quiet language. Because sometimes he really can't be fucked trying to tell you about his feelings. You always read Katsuki's moods, soothing and gentle. You always ask the same question when he gets in that headspace.

The whole world is hanging off his back, responsibility clinging to him like a shadow. Some weeks, it's a long and upward battle for weeks, sometimes with no end in sight. Muddy waters of paper work and emotional turmoil. Of loss and grief and all the darkness heroism has to offer.

Sometimes he just needs it all to go away. You're good at that, making everything go away.

So, when Katsuki comes to you with his hands trembling and his heart on your coffee table - and utters the words "Just tell me what to do," all you ever do is kiss his mouth and tell him okay.

It fascinates him how you always manage to work his mind out of the mess. You remind him of a lighthouse, drawing him to you in the fog. The weeks that follow work out the same way.

At first, having you tell him what to do makes him squirm. It's a period of contention for a little while no matter how many times you've done it. There's always punishment after his fits of disobedience, a reminder of his place. Even with the pain, you're the same as always.

"You'll be a good boy and listen to me, won't you sweetheart?"

It's always that back and forth. Of coming home after a long day to vent all his frustration, to punishment, to praise. A long cycle. Even when the tension dies, the emotions are all there and Katsuki lays in wait for the day you get tired of picking up the pieces.

You never do, though. It's always the same. Everything becomes typical and Katsuki re-learns what it means to be good. Katsuki relearns what it means to listen and all the static in his head goes quiet at the sound.

The commands are simple and straightforward. You fall into easy routine. His clothes are picked out for him. Pictures at meal time, promises of stretches when he's on his break. Everything accounted for. When he comes home, he gets to service you - earn the praise more readily than just listening to what you say.

He likes pleasing you. It's something he wants to best at it. He'll tug on the fine lace stockings just to hear you call his name, spread himself and arch his back to feel your hands smooth over the curves of his pale skin. Nails dug into his hips with a laugh at your lips that is full to the brim with affection.

"Well aren't you pretty?"

It's always been like that, truthfully. He's always loved being adored, but recently it's your adoration he cares about most. Rubbing the knots out of your back, or cooking dinner or cleaning the whole house. It's not work to him. Service is whatever you ask of him and he listens and listens if only to be granted the opportunity.

Let him earn it, like he earns everything. Only this time, there will be gratitude. This time there will be tangible reward that isn't boiled down to performance.

You'll come home to a clean kitchen and bring him to his knees. Pet his head and cradle his face, look him straight in his eyes and compliment him on a job well done.

"My good boy. You did a good job taking care of the house while I was away, didn't you? Would you like something special, hm?"

And oh, everything fades to nothing. It takes a while before things return to order. Before things can go back to baseline and he gets embarrassed again. The shame will hit him later and there isn't a whole lot he can do to stop it completely.

But when his heads empty, when he's being looked through at your expense - he wouldn't mind staying like that forever.

[i-like-sex-with-clothes-on]

Deer sweet Wylona!!!

I have to confess Im butter right now --- but I dont care :) I dont give a monkeys how people will think of me after this post - I just have to get it off my soul!!!!

See Ima fallen for you Wylona - in a HUGE WAY!!! its not just a “I wana love you and sex  you” thing.

It is far beyond that - I just want to ABSORB YOU hehe - I wana be you!!!!

Even your name Wylona Hayashi - just makes my skin crawlllll with those goosebumps most people get after their first kiss etc

Want to wakeup in your room and have you dress me in your clothes!

You’re PERFECT in my eyes - the very definition of beauty - sexuality - confidence - appearance - matter of fact-ness

[yes i said that lol]  - ima die of embarassment I know - but I gota say it!

Youre breath-taking to me - every picture I see of you steels my soul -and  just makes me want you more - urges me to want to be you more - I will always fail I know - because there is only 1 off everyone - but damn girl - you tweak my soul! - your eyes make me shiver and tremble!!

Your eyes melt me every night in my dreams - it is always you that I dream off.

I wake-up tangled between you and me and someone else - whoever else we seduced the previous evening - male or female!!!!!!

I dream and in said dreams I wake and our limbs are tangled together - and the first thing I see is your eyes!!!! then I am hypnotized for another day - in my dreams I am your plaything - and you reward me by stroking my hair and letting me dress in your clothes.

It’s never gunna be THIS I KNOW - im a silly person who has created a fantasy of his/her perfect woman - and I accept that hehe - doesnt stop me from dreaming though! :)

I hope it doesnt upset you or spook you when I say these words - if you ever see them - which I doubt soo much - it hurts but I know you wont see them.

Doo not worry my Wylona - youre a dream to me - I would feel soo scared to even talk to you - so meeting you would probably make me panic and die of a heart attack heh :)

Im also not the sort of person who jumps up and down and says things like “cant believe this is happening” -yada yada yada.

Im just a silly soul - im not even what most would call a “fan” - im just an idiot freak I guess - who was stupid enough to open his soul for a few minutes :)

This is a weird generation we live in - this whole “social media” thing - and I must confess I am soo gratefull for it - I would of never known you even existed without it.

I doubt you will ever see this :) - thats ok :) - who am I but a wrong born nobody - I dont expect someone like you to ever even acknowledge someone like me :) and hey thats ok :) I get it yano.

Ohhh my word if I were you - or someone that was close to you -  how happy would little old Sonya be!

Thats me - My name is Sonya )

Ya wana know what I dream off Wylona?

I dream of being someone who looks like you :)

I wish I was born your sex - and I wish I had your cheekbones and your eyes - your hair and your body :)

Off-course thats never guna happen - I will never be YOU - there is only one Wylona same as there is only one ME  one Sonya :)

I just wish I could wake-up one morning - and be with you and have you make me into someone close to looking likey you :)

Am I silly for wanting that?

Im being kinda brutally honest here - but is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Am I the only person to have such a secret dark fantasy!! or are there other people out there - who have cherished desires such as me?

All I ever wanted was to be a Girl - but my parents took that away from me - along with my first love - and its taken many years to come outa therapy seeming kinda sane!!!

Am I nutts for liking you the way I do?

Sometimes I think Im the only person on the planet thats sooo utterly nutterbutters!!!

:Whoever youre thats reading this :) I hope you wont judge me too harshly :)’

GOOD NIght You hugs and kisses

Sonya x0x