#this is some ego feeding shit like its cool to hate and be angry or something?

[g8d]

dont remember if i ever was this angry at anyone before

[the-acid-pear]

Tumblr refuses to let me reblog the post again, so this is the second part of me reading the second btg book! ☺️

Still Chapter 211

Son on son violence

Chapter 212

This dude pretty cute ngl

Shit, rip

AAWW HIGH 5 🥺🥺

It's almost like they are a regular father and son 😭🥺💔

Chapter 213

Look how thigh those shirts are hehehoho 🥴

OYXITSITDITDLTD

Ooooh there goes my man Jyaku ready to kick some ASS

🥺😭💞

Baki really just forgot his mom eh, thought you were getting stronger for HER smh

Oh Jyaku vs Retsu? Nvm Jyaku i can only hope Retsu is nice w you

I like how most are like, confused over who to cheer for lmao

I know he won't make it but I'm cheering for Jyaku btw i like him more <33

Chapter 214

Love that title, can't believe Jyaku is gonna ask Retsu out 😍 /j

He really is just honest Igari

I love that he apologizes

Chapter 215

OJFOYDITDISTOTDG

HIS FACEEE THIS FUCKING CLOWN 😭😭😭

THIS IS JUST SO FUCKING FUNNY

Chapter 216

Burgir

GHZJDUDDRHD THEY ARE SOOO MAD

That smile so cute...

Jyaku is a king

Love it when Retsu throws that pose, though y'all know why

HDGSSGSGF you are coming to Japan wether you like it or not 🔫

Chapter 217

Finally Jyaku got serious too

WITH HIS TOES 😭

King is just obsessed i luv him

HEHE HAIRY LEGS

It does seem like Jyaku is trynna confess his love jfnshdshdf

Chapter 218

I remember i almost laugh cry with my dad when we saw this

His damn beard... 💔

THE HAND OF THE TRAITOR

He has a good point

They be calling my man Jyaku a masochist noooo yfjdhdgs

Chapter 219

Okay seems kinda into it <:/

Old man? He doesn't look that old Baki :/

That was so smart 🥺

Chapter 220

Retsu calm down please you are gonna break his back

Oh my god Retsu, oh my god.

He did apologize at least

Chapter 221

Damn dude be a little more gentle with him

Oh, get was picking him up, okay

FR FR

🥺🥺🥺

FARHDHDYFTH THE KINGGG

Chapter 222

I love how everyone completed him (except Yujiro but not surprising), these warriors are such a good team

I want to eat an apple too now

That was fast

I got distracted watching a vsauce react video sorry

Okay I'm glad a comment actually mentioned Sik

Chapter 223

Had to take a uh idk 5 hour break bc lights went out :/

Feet be fuming lmao

Ohhh that's a cool analysis

Chapter 224

What a good punch

That "please",,,

Poor Li man, having to see his brother DIE /j

No, Viêt Long, i have not been hit by a truck before.

Chapter 225

It's so funny how Jyaku lost bc he fought a main charac and only those win

Sad day for the Chinese citizens

Mf got tits in his back

This is gonna be so goodddd

Chapter 226

Look at the size of his tits, the slut

INSTAGRAM INFLUENCER POSE WOOO

These two are cool fighters

Chapter 227

Old man showing skin

His smile is so fucked up lmao

Chapter 228

Baki what the FUCK are you wearing?

I just remembered when Hana did a flip, that was so good

Retsu babey 🥺

I love how confused Yujiro looks

Chapter 229

Hey, i recognize that name...

Kaku just too op

Yujiro you are gonna pop your testicles if you do that with your leg

Chapter 230

God that's such a good threat

Love Retsu's confusion

Damn bitch you saying we gotta keep up w this whore cuz you were too slow? Ffs Kaku 😢

I love when you can tell someone is still hanging around just quietly by seeing their response in a comment

Chapter 231

God this just feels so good, to see Yujiro actually scared 😍

YOOO THAT'S POG

Chapter 232

I wanna finish this book and start the next one grrr

This fight is so satisfying

That last bit is so cringe but whatever that's okay

Fight so controversial comments were deactivated

Chapter 233

Itagaki hincha de boquita el más grande? 😳 /j

Okay yeah it IS just rude

Hohoooo shit getting nice

Chapter 234

This asshole lmao

Yuji-chan really went "how many times do i have to teach you this lesson, old man?!"

Mfs be doing Jojo references in the comments lol

Chapter 235

GTFO WITH THAT LOGIC RETSU IM SORRY CHINA IS LOSING BUT GET LOSTTTT AJSGAJGS

Ffs Kaku you are doomed 😢💔

Yujiro so strong my mouse disconnected

Chapter 236

Abs in his back...

Crying and shaking that is NOT true

DON'T FEED HIS EGO, KAKU

LIONS CAN BE KILLED BY TIGERS TOO!!!!

I thought Yujiro was bleeding for a second there smh

Chapter 237

OKAY YEAH IT IS HIS BLOOD ITS COMING OUT OF HIS NOSE ITS NOT MUCH BUT HE BLED

THE HEAD APPLAUSE

HE'S SO UPSET LMAOOO

Yujiro surprised is good shit

GSJDUFTHSTD

KAKU YOU LEGEND LMAO

Kaku has boyboss energy

Chapter 239

This cover almost gives me a stroke

I love how they all just shat their pants

These minor Chinese characters were so good tbh, sadly i don't think they will ever return

Don't worry Retsu, we the viewers have seen a man revive before

King i don't think any of us understands

It really is

CAN MEN IN THIS FRANCHISE JUST OPEN BOTTLES REGULARLY?!

Oh my god i though Yujiro was sitting on the air for a second i almost cry 😭

Coca cola must have paid Itagaki /j

Chapter 240

Oh so the Kaioh part takes the name, not the surname

...is Yujiro wearing a floral shirt? 😭

I LOVE THAT ENDING SO MUCH 🥺😭

Jyaku has his eyes fixated on Retsu eh, proud of having him come to Japan lmao

Chapter 241

HORRIBLE fit Baki

CHILDHOOD SAGA PART 2? 😰

Jk though i do miss Yuri 🥺

Oh hey Jr

You gonna fuck his girl, bro?

Chapter 242

So straight forward lmao

I'm starting to appreciate Baki's feminist ass every day even more

AAAA GRANDPAAA 🥺🥺💞

This page didn't allow me to call two mfs virgins smh, 1984

Chapter 243

Grandpa they shrunk you

Chapter 244

Kings idc about this

Okay true but also he's 70 dude pls... Though idk if this guy will go thru worse than Jack lmao

Such a nice lad

Chapter 245

Baki being such a feminist icon is so meaningful considering how his parents were,,,

MY MAN IS BACKKK AND AS DAPPER AS EVER

Doppo he's called Ali Jr how are you surprised?

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED HIS EYE PATCH HAS A PATTERN THAT'S SO COOL 🥺🥺😢💞

These men love throwing their glasses eh

Chapter 246

If only Igari and Toba had done this lol

OKAY THATS COOL I LIKE THAT

Me lo re devaluaron a mí pelado eh

HEHE OOOOH NICE 😳

Scenes that give me a boner

CHU...

Such a good callback...

Chapter 247

My man got serious, sweet

Doppo has been trying out his luck a bit too much like he's been betting with his life an uncomfortable lot like king do you need to talk? Are you okay? First asking Gouki to kill him now this like, is everything alright Doppo?

YEAH A BIT FUCKED UP TO THINK ABOUT

I love that blocking technique

OSHWOWHIWWH "gay ass Orochi, out of option so he touching dick" SHUT UPPP 😭😭💀

I really wish he got kicked in the nuts again see if he's still using his technique

Chapter 248

Poor guys thought he was bout to get murdered

A kiss? 😏 /j

When i saw this in the anime i actually thought Orochi was going to die, i was gonna get sooo angry

Chapter 249

What a way to cockblock em

Feminist icon

Jack is that the only sweater you own?

Chapter 250

I have been thinking of that scene of him eating the whole steak a lot

Jr like 🥺

Imagine being stupid enough to tease Jack like, i get he defeated two masters but they are NOTHING compared to this monster

Imagine jack just smoked some weed right there lmao

Jack needs to bite people more

Chapter 251

My shitty ass son gave me parkinson's

Jack that's not how human anatomy works what the fuck did Kureha do to your body spine?

Chapter 252

DAMN JR WHAT A FAT ASS

Looked like Jack was going for a handful

Those techniques must fuck your neck up so bad

Okay Jack you are going a bit far now don't cha think?

Chapter 253

You are tempting your luck sunny boy

Look at that, you pissed him off!

You cannot just know out jack hanma bro

HHH

This was so stupid yet, unironically, iconic

Chapter 254

Bruh i thought it said Pog 😭, ain't manslaughter poggers Mr Hanma?

OKAY THANKS JACK

Such a simp he downed that coffee cup

Grandpa put here cockblocking

Chapter 255

"no he didn't >:/"

These two masters are a pair of fucking idiots like understand this i love my grandpa and i love my man but mfs have to take the L for this one time sksgwjgshgw

Gouki bro my senses gonna shut down if you put your sucks against the dirt again OUGH sensory hell 😭

FOR FUCKING REAL JR

STOP ENABLING THE OLD MAN!! WKSGKSGSJSHDD for once I'm on Viêt's side 😭

Chapter 256

Hoho Gouki out here getting a panty shot 😳

Grandpa i love you but this was unnecessary

Chapter 257

Kozue should wear a Korn tshirt

GET HIS ASS KOZUE

OWHWLWGISGSJWG 😭😭 MF JUST STANDING THERE LIKE A FREAK I LOVE HIM BUT I HATE HIM SM!!!

Love how consistently round his hands are, king got no knuckles

HEY DONT CALL MY MAN A FREAK KOZUE

King hasn't changed his clothes ever since i see

His shoes look so nice...

OKAY OKAY HE HAS A POINT AT LEAST, HE AT LEAST ACCEPTED HE LOST BUT HE'S STILL BUTTHURT FROM IT SKSGAJGS BUT HE ADMITS IT!!

Doppo i love you but shut UPPP you lost get over it!! You are just going for the rematch bc you have the higher ground against a injured guy!!! Like Shibukawa didn't have time but you were already getting serious!! Hhhgrrrrrr doppo i love you but I'm going to bark

Hehe nvm he still hella fine... keep talking king 🥴

This was so mean of him sjsgwjwg

Chapter 258

Low-key starting to believe these two mfs plotted against Jr sjshsj

THAT FACE AKSGWJGS just 😐

If i didn't know you would get your ass handed in a plate i would be a lil mad he's planning on being that savage

He has been thru worse, sunny boy

Niceee

Tbh. I don't care anymore. Doppo is in the wrong, but GOD I'm a simp and i love seeing him fight 😍😍🥴

Yeah a comment mentioned it, we all were on Jr side until he threatened to kill Doppo Orochi like, even if not everyone here is as horny as me we all like an og fella

I also love how the prisoners really changed them all, the scars (both physical and mental) those 5 left will be remembered lol

[lonely-full-of-secrets]

Love Sacrificed (Fangs Fogarty x Reader)

Word Count: 1519

Summary: Fangs sacrifices your relationship for your future

A/n: written for the daily one word prompt challenge on the southsidearchive discord. Prompt: sacrifice 

As a Southsider, you know the risks of getting involved with the Serpents. You grew up knowing the risks, nobody had to tell you twice. But despite knowing what could happen, no one prepares you for the emotional tolls it can have on you. Loving a Serpent is dangerous. 

You knew this going into your relationship with Fangs Fogarty. He was the son of a Serpent which meant he would be one too, but you didn't care. When one falls in love, nothing else matters and nothing or nobody can keep them apart. 

You and Fangs have been dating for almost four years. Freshman year of high school was when you met him. He didn't have much confidence back then. It was actually kind of adorable the way he stumbled over his words trying to ask if you had a partner for a project that wasn't even due for a couple of months. 

Now, he was a cocky son of bitch. Fangs already knows how much you love him and it just feeds his ego whenever you remind him. Don't let that fool you though, he's still that adorable dork you met freshman year, only with a lot more confidence. 

Even though you're not a member of the Serpents, a lot of your friends are. In fact, most of the people you know are either Serpents or they're dating someone who is one. You're all there for each other when needed. It's like having one huge family despite the hardships suffered by everyone who is in one way or another connected to the gang. 

Things with Fangs have never been weird. Sure you’ve had your disagreements like most other couples but you rarely, if ever, fought. So when he came over one night and picked a fight over something so small and insignificant you knew something was wrong.

Things just escalated from there. At first it was a lot of bickering, until it wasn't. Soon it was full fledged angry yelling at each other. All the time. 

This was the summer before college. You thought it’d be full of fun and adventure with impromptu road trips and going to amusement parks. But the only rollercoaster you were riding was an emotional one. One where the screams were not filled with excitement but rather of anger and resentment. 

Everyday you drifted further and further apart and it was starting to be too painful to bear. So, you decided to confront him about it. You waited for him in his trailer until he got home.

When you first arrived you sat on his couch running what you were going to say through your mind. But every possible scenario you imagined ended badly. 

The air felt hot and thick. You started breathing heavily but it just burned your nose and throat. You ran to the window and yanked it open. The hot summer air did nothing to sooth your breathing difficulties. So, you went to the freezer to breathe in its cool air. After about a minute or two, you felt better and finally shut the freezer door. 

You didn’t need your mind wandering into dark places again. Instead you busied myself by tidying up the place a bit. Not that it really needed it. Fangs was a really clean guy. 

As you were wiping down his counters, you heard the key turn in the lock and Fangs appeared behind the door. 

He seemed pleasantly surprised to see you. “Y/n? I didn’t know you’d be here. If I did I would have bought some food on my way home,” he kissed your cheek and went to his fridge. 

The kiss had surprised you. He hadn’t done that in a while. Before this summer, Fangs always found any excuse he could to kiss you. But ever since he came home from a particular Serpent run, things changed. 

That made you question what really happened that day. You told him you didn’t want to know what he did on those runs. You preferred to be left in the dark about that part of his life. Not just because it was safer that you didn't know, but because you selfishly wanted to preserve the image of that sweet, innocent, dorky boy you met Freshman year of high school.

But you also reminded him that if he ever needed someone to talk to about it, you’d be there for him with open ears. He never did though. 

His hot and cold personality was confusing you. You never knew which Fangs to expect. Right now you were just glad he at least didn't seem annoyed that you showed up uninvited and unannounced, unlike last time. 

You leaned against the counter and sighed. “Fangs, what are we doing?” you asked, barely above a whisper.

“What do you mean?” he wondered, not looking at you but still searching for something edible in his refrigerator. 

You fidgeted with your fingers before taking the plunge and just getting it out there. “All the fighting. Lately it just feels like we’re miles away from each other. I hate it.”

He paused what he was doing and stood and held the refrigerator door open as he looked at you, suddenly disinterested in the conversation. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Maybe we’re just growing apart.” Then he looked back to the fridge. 

You blinked back and stood up straight, heart beating faster. Moments passed and he still didn't look at you. “What’s that supposed to mean?” you finally asked, afraid of his answer. 

He avoided your gaze as he said, “It means I think we should break up.”

Those words hurt like hell. It nearly broke you, but at the same time it infuriated you. 

You scoffed a laugh. “Seriously? That's it? Three and a half years and you can't even have the decency to look at me while you break my heart. Because that's what you just did. I gave you everything, my trust, my love. I bared my soul to you, told you things I could barely admit to myself, and this is what I get in return?” You didn’t scream at him. You didn’t need to, he heard the conviction in your voice loud and clear. 

“I know things haven't been right for a long time. But I can't help you if you don't tell me what’s wrong. I want to be there for you Fangs, like you have been for me. So tell me. Tell me what's wrong and we can work through it together.”

He scoffed in annoyance, “But that's just it.” He finally looked up at you. “I don't want you to.”

You knitted your eyebrows together in confusion. “Why not? Please, just help me understand. I love you, Fangs. I thought we needed each other?”

“Yeah well, I don’t need you anymore.” His face was expressionless. You couldn’t get a read on him like you usually could. Fangs wore his expressions openly. It’s what made him bad a poker.

You felt hot tears sting your eyes but you refused to let them slip past. “I thought you loved me?”

He remained silent. He didn’t know what to say to that. What could he say? He was already breaking your heart enough as it was. Telling you he never loved you would not only ruin you but him too. He couldn’t say those words. 

Your tears were free falling now. They wouldn’t stay back anymore. “I could say that I wished I’d never met you, but that would be a lie. Even though this hurts, I will never regret loving you Fangs. Just remember you were the one who did this to us.”

You turned to leave but when you got to the front door Fangs finally cracked, the pain and frustration clear in his voice. “Do you know how hard it's been trying to push you away when you're the love of my life? I want nothing more than to spend my life by your side,” he shouted.

You didn’t dare look back at him. Not if he was only giving you false hope in his confession. “So why don't you?”

He sighed and whispered as if you two weren’t the only ones in the room. “You deserve better. A better life away from the Serpents, away from the poverty and the violence. Look at me,” he turned you around to face him as he cupped your face in his hands, “you are meant for so much more than this piece of shit town. I just want to protect you from it.”

He wiped away more tears that fell from your eyes. “You will never let this go will you?”

He shook his head, his own tears spilling over.

You leaned into him for at least one last kiss. At least he gave you that. It was soft and tender but didn’t last nearly as long as you would have wanted it to. Fangs pulled you away from him and said, “Goodbye Y/n.”

It hurt you deeply but you turned and left his trailer, leaving your shattered heart there with him.

[sweetpeachjones]

You Made Ur Bed 8

Episode 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 , 6 , 7

A/N: excuse the typos and grammer, and curse me out later for making you wait so long

After the ceremony at Davida House

OMG Sean, you should have been there.Y/N  was there being a total slut damn near sucking this nigga dick-

She stopped in her tracks when Sean jerked up wiping his nose. Davida looked behind him, and all she could see was a mirror with two white powder lines and a playing card.

"Sean, I KNOW you aren't doing what I think your doing, I thought you quit that." "I did but I just don't it recreational, plus I'm bored as fuck." "Well, how but getting a job." "You know how hard it is for a felon to get one, they see that on my app and its, don't call us we'll call you' type bullshit." "But bae you can keep you from trying I'm mean I got my ticket, she exclaimed rubbing her stomach, you need to get yours, I don't need some sorry nigga eating off my plate." "The fuck you say, I wasn't any sorry nigga when I had you in the diamonds n furs, dripping sauce. Nigga gon for some time and bitches want to get amnesia. "Yeah well times have changed, she said getting up taking off her jewelry, you need to get it together and clean that shit up now!"

Sean angrily cleaned the mess up and walked out of the room slamming the door hard.

One week after the pool incident at Eriks house

You sprained your ankle and fractured your elbow and a laceration above your right eye. You had a cast on your ankle and the sling on right arm and stitches for your cut. Against your wishes, Erik insisted you stay to get better and even took off to nurse you. He has been waiting on hand and foot and doing the sweet thing like washing n oiling your hair and make sure your cast was dry as he gave you luxurious bubble baths and even carried you to the bathroom. But you knew Erik this is his whole game to get you to stay.

You sat in the bedroom on the bed fluff high on pillows while Erik was in the other room. You needed something on the dresser but you didn't want to bother Erik, plus he was smothering so you were going to take advantage of his absence. As you reached, you fell out bed with a loud thud. You never felt so helpless and began to weep. Erik ran upstairs to see you on the floor as he picked you up you start to get angry.

"Get the fuck away from me," you sobbed as tried your best to hit him in the chest.

"Girl wtf is wrong you!" "YOU, YOU THE FUCKING CAUSE FOR THIS!", pointing to the cast and moving the sling. "This is your fault because of your fucked up ego." "Well, I did think you would jump." You looked at him, and before you blew a gasket, you calmed down, "You know what, you said coolly if I didn't make it it would have been a lot better than to married to you." Erik looked you in the eyes hoping to see the humor, but you were dead serious. "You don't mean that Y/N." "Oh yes I do, this marriage has gone to hell. I don't know why I stayed this long with your cheating ass and constant lying. You think Davida was the only one, I knew about the others, I know when you were out fucking them hoes ERIK!. I'd find hints: the perfume, lipstick, the missing earring in your car. I noticed the way you shower, or you were smelling like a different, soap I don't even buy. I just let you do your thing as long as they never had the guts to step out place I was cool, cause at the end of the day you are going to do what you want to do and you were home every night mainly. But you started to get reckless and shit with Davida, so I figured you weren't giving a fuck anymore. And had the bitch calling the house and your fucking student at that! The fuck was you thinking; you were about to risk it all for some broad? Really?!

Erik looks away, before answering.

"She reminded me of you before you lost the baby. She had that happiness, that joy, that light you once had. We clicked like me, and you used to."

You rolled your eyes at his last statement. He continued.

"After the incident, you became bitter and once you started drinking you was like a shell. Like I understand she went, and nothing will bring her back, but you got to move on. It was never my intentions to get her pregnant we stopped after a few times then she tells me. I love you more than anything; I'll do whatever I can to right my wrongs. But I will be a father to my child."

"You wanna right your wrongs, grant me a divorce. Well split everything down the middle and keep control of our organizations."

"You sure you want that"

"Yes I can't keep going on like this, I love you, but I can't be in a marriage with you."

Erik looked deep in thought. He sighed, "Okay if that's what you want. I won't hold you back."

Next day at Davida's House

"So how far are you now?" Erik asked. I'm 35 weeks so our Lil boy will be here soon," Davida answered excitedly.

"Cool well when you are going on your next appointment I'll be there. I'll be over later to help set the crib and baby stuff."

"I need you to set up something in my bedroom," Davida answered back seductively.

Erik catching the hint but didn't feed into it, "yeah like I said I'll be over to put the BABY stuff up."

"Mhmm, well see you soon boo." "Don't call me that," and he hung up quickly.

Davida just laughed as she put her phone in the car seat as she pulled up her driveway. She parked the car and remembered she had to set a date in the phone at the same time entering her front door. She didn't notice the five large men sitting on her furniture. She looked up from her phone and grabbed her chest as fear and shock took over her whole body.

"Who are you and why the fuck are you in my house?!"

"Be cool sweetheart," the smaller of the five spoke. He physically fit but wasn't as buff as the others." I'm Mike Love and we just looking for ya boy Sean that's all."

"I don't know a Sean." "See, I'm trying to be a gentleman here but you're lying is going to turn this into an UGLY situation, and you don't want that." Mike said coolly as he walked towards her stroking Davida's cheek. "Now I'll never hit a lady especially a pregnant one, but I can't say the same for my guys. They weren't born with sense." "I don't know where he is I swear, I go to school and work part-time," he goes where he wants to, tears streaming down her face. "Shhhh it's okay love I believe you. But you tell Sean to get at me asap; I'd hate to come back here again and next it is not going to be as pleasant."

Mike turned to his goons and told them to leave and just like that they were gone. Davida ran to lock the door behind them and sunk to the floor a blubbering mess.

Four weeks later at the lawyer's office.

Well, I have to say this was the smoothest divorce ever an easy way to make my paycheck." Erik lawyer comments as he finalized the paperwork.

Erik and Y/N sat across from each other. Neither of them looked up as it was too sad to look each other in the eyes. Erik was the most hurt, he felt betrayed, he felt like he was trying and Y/n was giving up months of progress screwed up by two days. He couldn't fathom life without y/n she had been with him since day one, she believed in his projects, his dreams and wished he could have given her whatever she wanted. So he cheated little fuck up compare to the husband his friends were. Even in the pants suit, she was wearing she looked like a goddess and all he wanted to do to take her away forget all this drama and start over.

Y/n could feel Erik staring. After all these years he could still make her blood rush just by one look. She always loved Erik deeply but how many times can he spit in her face. Plus being careless enough to get someone pregnant, the audacity of it.

She felt a nudge pulling her out of her deep thoughts.

"What's that." "I said do you, and Mr. Stevens agree to the terms of the divorce?" My lawyer repeated. "Oh yeah, I'm good are you?", Y/n said finally looking up at Erik. He nodded, and we both signed the papers.

"Well that's it you two are no longer hitched. Haha, I must say I've done sooner if only my wife wouldn't take everything. Women right." He playfully nudged Erik and Erik only stared at him.

The lawyers began to leave the room and Erik, and y/n lingered in the room.

Well this is it, Erik said

Y/n leaned against the table arms folded

"I guess so huh." "I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a goodbye hug?" "No, it wouldn't."

Erik walked over in two strides stood in front of y/n and hugged her. He head protectively rested on top of hers as y/n slowly wrapped her arms around his chest. They stood like that for a minute until Erik kissed her forehead. Y/n leaned her head back some allowing Erik to kiss her nose; she leaned back until Erik pecked her lips. He pecked them again seeing as she didn't protest the first time. The third time he let his lips lingered as she kissed back. That's all he needed for confirmation. He gently grabbed her hair pulling her head back some allowing access to her neck. He kissed and sucked on her neck as if he was a vamp on his victim. They were too busy to hear the conversation of one the lawyers doubling back to find something. Once the door flew open, they immediately stop while Y/N's lawyer just stared as if they crazy, while Erik's lawyer smirk and closed the door.

Regaining common sense and more so embarrassed y/n pushed Erik back and fixed her shirt chastising herself while doing so. Erik just looked more frustrated as he fixed his coat. No words being said to each other as they head out of the office when they got to the elevators and stood on the opposite corners. Erik spoke first.

"Well, I hope we can friends after all this." "I don t know about that." "Aww come on y/n," he said walking towards her, "we have known each other for too long just to stop being each friend." "But u sneaky tho." Erik feined shock, "Me no," and he flashed those golden slugs and mischievous smile the y/n knew all too well. She laughed knowing this could be nice. "Yea whatever"

At Davida house two weeks back

Sean pulls in the driveway days after disappearing. Davida was waiting on him. Sean thought he could sneak through the patio. As soon he turned on the lights a glass cup was hurled at him, but he dodged it quickly.

"What the fuck." : What the fuck is right where have you been?!" Davida mocked furiously.

"I had some moves to do." "Liar u smell clean as fuck, so been u at somebody house, but I don't care who is Mike love and why the FUCK was he in MY house.

Sean's hearts stop. That's one name he did not want hear.

What did you say Nigga you heard me who is Mike Davida listens, Sean grabbed hold of her shoulders. I pissed off some significant and dangerous people, and for your safety and mine, I should not be here. Damn right u shouldn't, niggas come up in here seven deep, just what the fuck did you do? You remember Physco from our old neighborhood? You mean walk around with a machete in broad daylight Physco, him?! Yea well I had an opportunity to blame something on his baby brother in jail. I didnt know they were related, but word got around and by that time I was long gone.  

Feeling like an ass, Davida felt more sympathy for Sean. All this time she was hard, and he had a deathwish looming. She knew what he was up against and Physco was the type he wasn't gonna stop til there was blood.

Well, here I got some money n take my car. Take your car?! Yes, take it, ill tell Erik it was stolen n ill get another besides your safety is important to me. Ok but id have to go tonight. Tonight?! Yeah Davida sucked her teeth fine She went upstairs to her safe, put the code in pulled out 30,000 her women intuition was screaming "heffa are you crazy," but her heart wanted him to be safe. She wanted to travel with him, but the dangers that followed were enough to keep her back. She put the money in a crown royal bag along with the keys to her car and the passport and falsified documents that he asked him to do a while back when he was job hunting. She ran back down and gave it to Sean. He looked apologetically as he was taking away from a pregnant woman, sensing his hesitation she spoke. Please take it and when you get to a safe place ill come.

They embrace in what seems like the worlds longest kiss. Sean rushed out to the garage. Once he cranked the car and sped down the block, he never noticed the black Lambo following him. As the road twist and turned the car behind never missed a beat, and since they were the only two on the road, it was hard to lose them on a one-way street. Sean knew exactly who it was and turned off into the woods. Once he got deep enough, he turned the car off and lit a cigarette. Now or never he thought. As the Lambo neared the headlights nearly blinded him in the rearview mirror. He took his last drag as the passenger door to the Lambo opened up. Out stood Mike and Sean opened his door. The two men walked to each other and embraced in a lovers kiss! The tongue kiss was so explicit that the guard in the car started to get a little uncomfortable.

Omg bae I missed you, Mike said So have I, Sean replied So did u get the documents, Mike asked Of course, plus she gave me the car, you must scare the crap out of her. Well, I had to sell it. Breaking into her house, in that neighborhood, with five niggas was hard as hell. But worth it now that got my baby back. Let's go Paris awaits. Well what can we do car Either take it with us or better yet torch it, makes it more believable something happens to you. But she gave me this car Mike was getting slightly jealous, "And!?" Well I just don't want to torch it "Fuck that I'll take care of it," Mike walked towards the guard in his car mumbling, "Nigga act like he still loves the bitch or something!" "Hey!" motioning towards the guard. " I want to get rid of this car I don't care what you do I don't want to see it my sight again. SEAN!! let's go!"

The guard got out, and Mike and Sean got in the Lambo and drove off. The guard was left by himself in the car.

"Shit nigga crazy as hell baby mama bout to get a new whip!"

Present Day (After the Erik's and Y/N divorce agreement)

So your car was stolen?" Erik asked in disbelief as he works putting up the baby's crib and other items as Davida told her story sitting in a rocking chair. Erik made sure she didnt lift a finger, and she enjoyed every minute of it.

Yes, would you believe, right in my friend's neighborhood, I had to take an Uber home? I knew I should have stayed my ass home, told that girl to move out the projects.

Well, luckily you and the baby are safe. Ill hook you up I got a cousin who works for Honda.

Honda? The fuck! Do you want your baby mother and your heir riding around in some raggedy Honda? Because if I pulled child support, I can afford more.

It will be a current year! he pleaded. She stared at him motherfuckerly.

Alright, what you want? he asked

Momma wants a Benz!

Momma gonna have to clap them cheeks and suck a mean dick, and I mean to make that shit disappear for a Benz.

Aint like I done it before, Davida laughed, so how your wife anyway

Don't worry about her; he said what quick attitude.

Damn alright, I got to go to the bathroom, help me up these damn cramps killing me.

Cramps! What do you mean you in labor?

Not till the water breaks

As soon as she stood up she felt another cramp not so intense but bad enough to double over, Erik kept her steady.

I think we should go, do you have your things packed?

Yea in the downstairs closet in the foyer

Erik went to retrieve the bag as Davida wobbled to the restroom. She felt pressure and pushed thinking it was #2 when she got up she almost fainted at sight.

ERIK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@curls-and-crosses @killmoncoochie @killmongersgurl @pupyluv247 @kreolemami @dumbchick @thiccdaddy-mbaku @wakandan-aesthetic @errin261 @lunaerly @muse-of-mbaku @royallyprincesslilly @brownsugarcocoabutterwildflowers @nemesispawn @imgabbyrae @hausofgucci @inxan-ity@wakandalivesforever @killmvnger@whorderofthepheonix@goddessofthejungle @chaneajoyyy  

@imaginewhoever @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade@bezzywazhere @wakanda-inspired

[fmdxjerome]

hello people from old and new! naomi is back in action with her son jerome. i’ve been stuck in my sisters house for the last weeks of my absence because she went on vacation and i had to take care of a sick rabbit who peed everywhere. i might have a disease now at the amount he bit me but what can you do. im joking. you might ask “but naomi doesnt your sister have wifi” yes she do but i’m an anxious wreck so spending my days on a first floor apartment  with my sister on the other side of the world w an infected foot had me fucke d upppp boiii but now i’m back in my own home and my sister + her boyfriend are safely home!! foot all fine!! and everyone is calm again!! so!! i can return with a good heart. i’ll be sliding in the dms of the people who bear emoticon’ed me 600 years ago and bc i suck w introducing myself to new people i’ll just hi!!!!! i think when i wake up i’m gonna do a “bio reading” marathon as i write bc i need to appreciate. also shit i need more threads wow i suck might see me replying to some open starters and def need to get back to plotting bc there are some people i’ve been dying to thread with ;^;

its like 6am now so i might b heading 2 bed now but under the cut there will be a reintroduction to jerome (one i promised in januari i believe) as im rewriting his bio (no major things change really its just minor things nd its time for an upgrade) so yes! hello (ims will come tomorrow as well ;3;)

also fact. mullet daddy jaebum is jerome rn dont drag him dont @ him its gone before you know it. probs after idolized its a look tho wow i love- a chic farmer (... the short bangs are tragic tho jerome honey i kno u liked them on wren but ur not wren. jerome: but i- me: no. this this not this jerome: :( ok fine me: fuego 

anyway before i pass out here is reintroduction. the triggers are; adoption, racism themes??? like yeah ok!! apologize if this is shit. hope everyone is having a good day though you all are great!

Jerome Gauthier aka Yuddy

-Anti idol

-Has an okay reputation but that’s because he’s smart about things.

-BC eyeing him tho *eyes fake friends with good reputation for him to hang out with* (hmu for fake friend plots. funny the person w the best rep of all actually likes jerome. bless jisoos christ. guess that praying on knees worked out in the end huh jerome. /dont/ sainthood is waiting)

-Talented™. (ask him to write songs for you) (Actually have a few songs in my library i want him to write but not sing so *eyes*)

-Passionate as fuck don’t mess with him in the studio (passionate all over tbh)

-Adopted and in search of his bloodlines

-Hoe but not really

-Actually, scrap that. Nicknames him JerHOEme

-Is actually lovely

-But acts like a shit

-Slips up and is soft to people sometimes before being a complete and utter asshole the next second

-bc soft jerome whOMST i only know deMON

-Suave Fuckboy who’s nonchalant about everything

-French™

-Will call you baby at some point in your life

-Signature smirk

-Egotistic???? Narcissistic??? a lil bit don’t stroke his ego

-Secretive™. not much info on his time in france

-Secretly a dad without children (except for his actual biological son insoo aka chorizo sausage who he goes to play ball with- i mean work on songs in the studio. seriously catch him picking up his son from soccer practice i mean shit no i mean- ok insoo is really his son dont fight me on this.)

-And also has a daughter an Oriental shorthair cat called Edith who he is so soft with he kicks out girls to cuddle with her. (one meow and he’s home)

- we support WISH hating jerome in this household. please people who have girls in WISH dont let them like him (or be a rebel and go against the mothers wishes but you’ve been warned)

-Dont let him get in your pants too like ask wren you dont want that (or i mean with the list of kinks i peeped maybe idk who am i to say what your muse wants or does not want idk im just protecting people from satan)

-Unlikely he’ll get in any pants now anyway tho bc he a proud shopper at papa juliens pizza and y’all some other brand type ish domino lookin asses NAH *throws hands up* rome’s in the house (no but guys. this is his soulmate THIS IS HIM. dISgUStiNG- )

-In 2016 interview took him out of context and it looks like he hates all idol rappers but is not true. He just doesn’t like companies making rap out to be like this thing you can do if you’re pretty and you can’t sing and he doesn’t like it when said pretty idols know nothing of it. he gets the grind but will side eye (benjy nd jerome already have a rivalry bc of this shit thank u interviewer)

-Dating scandals?? EHH. He almost had one with a Japanese model called Momo in the beginning of his career but BC did well of spinning them as friends and he legit had one with his ex last october which?????????? shit she touched his *spoiler* and it was *spoiler* . BC about to ban him from fashion shows damn. yoonah and him have to go to paris fashion week quick

-BC has yet to force him into a relationship tho. but damn he gonna be angry when that ever happens yoo. 

-Studied to become a cinematographer. Now is annoying as fuck during recording MV’s bc he butts into everything (BUT thats why his his mvs so AESTHETIC. eye for beauty bois)

-Holler at ya boi if you want a nice mv he’s involved like that

-Also to the girls who have been in an MV with Jerome.. know he probably flirted with you between takes bc during he’s grade a professionalism but he still a ho

-Actual catlady no questions asked (he feeds stray cats and gets cut up by edith when she smells other cats on him rip)

-Actual wife material no questions asked (to quote the great Halit Yilmaz during that time Jerome stood in the kitchen for hours making baklava and other Turkish treats for Halit’s Eid al-Fitr: “Shit, Jerome if you were a girl i’d marry you in a heartbeat.” and its true. we would ALL marry jerome. who says no is lying. )

-Smooth™

-Ok the ego thing btw its weird its an act but hes weird about it dont ask

idk what else to write ok short rundown of his bio as again i’m writing a new one and i cringe every time i look at my old one. im probs forgetting a lot but EYO ITS 6AM WHO CARES

CHILDHOOD age 0 to 10

-Born to a single mom who got fucked over by a smash nd dash dad. (we side eye Ok Chanwook in this household.)

-Moms family discouraged her from taking care of him herself so putting up for adoption it is.

-Very emotional not ok mom boram cry a lot pls. (got v angry too like boi if she ever sees chanwook again he can change his name to no dick larry)

-Adopted by a French couple called Lucas and Daphné (previously named Annelies). pretty kool peeps

-JK racist assholes who fetishize jerome a lot. PLEASE. the yellow fever runs deep. take him away from them,

-Raised in a small town in France and knew 0 Asians growing up. so thats nice

-Loves his adoptive grandpa to death tho (who’s he named after u3u)

-Actually hates the rest lol

-Ok uncle Rémy pretty cool bc he laughs at teen!Jerome shit talking his parents and aunt Camille. She a sweety ;3; a bit odd but a sweety #stanauntCamille

-Basically the people on the Gauthier side and born from Jerome and Clemintine are ok, the rest is shit (except for his dad Lucas. He a Gauthier but he shit)

-Junior/Senior relationship w granpda ;3; “Pépé!!” “Junior!!” *tiny jerome swings around grandpa’s neck* LOVE

-Grandma passed when he was 9. (he loved her very much and would always show her his drawings on her bed ;-;)

-Hard time adjusting at first when he was a tiny toddler. had a lisp talking french. ;3; baby rome

-young jerome had a bad case of the abandonment issues he literally held onto his dads leg for like 30 minutes before the teacher finally peeled him away from him. my smol boi

-Elephants. remember this. is important. /sob

-TLDR; biological mom didnt want to loose him. adoptive parents and dad are fucks. grandpa is kool. jerome had a good childhood until he didnt. thank u ignorance

TEEN YEARS age 10 to 20

-middle school very nice

-j FUCKING KKKKK EMO JEROME INBOUNDDDD

-kids are mean. teens are mean. young!jerome v lonely

-honestly he had no friends. except for like maybe this one kid on his sport called mattheo but he kinda a weeb so uhhhh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-the time comes that he feels uncomfortable with everything korean. he already learned korean along side french and english when he was growing up but now distances himself from further learning. he clings to french culture a lot and even to this day he refers to himself as french and european, and rarely refers to himself as korean or asian.

-feels disconnected from both though. its like.. his parents took his korean culture away from him by using it for their own amusement. it was not his to have basically. and french- a lot of people around him give the vibe he’s not “allowed” to call himself fully french. they see him as korean, korean-french but never just french. he feels very misunderstood. lack of identity and just not fitting in

-around this time (or earlier i’m musing still) his cousin Antonin (moms side) kind of fell out on him. like. wow. not good. fucked jerome up a lil. (issues intensify)

-inferiority complex inbound/ is he ok? no he isnt. he starts writing to get his emotions out.

-Blessed Freddy rolled in teen jerome’s life like: guess we need to do history homework together jerome: aren’t you gonna make a ‘do my homework bc you’re asian’ joke freddy: why would i jerome:

-they bond over music, freddy is the one who gets him serious about getting into it (we thank our lord freddy for this gift of life we call singer/songwriter jerome. pray to freddy 10 times a day *srry jisoos christ but ur out*)

-literally young jerome would be a great soundcloud artist in this day and age. he was like joji meets rei brown with more of an rnb tinge. he liked ambient because it calmed him.

-in his old bio thats still up bc im a slow writer his old name was some dumb shit like l.only DUMB its romeles now (get it.. jeROME LESlie gauthier. im smart)

-OK IM GONNA GO QUICKER NOW

-eMO FOR A LONG TIME BC OF LONELINESS AND OTHERING FREDDY IS HIS BEACON OF HOPE WE LOVE FREDDY IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!!!!!!!

-had a big ass fall out with his parents when he was around 15? was like “UHHH FUCK Y’ALL” and moved in with his grandpa (he was very disrespectful like damn boy but you know what. i support)

-best decision of his life because grandpa v lonely after his wife died and Jerome^2 is… so soft.

-Jerome dancing/singing to old tunes and being engrossed with old movies

-Learning how to cook ;3;

-I mean bc his middle and highschool were in Laval he spend a lot of his time w his grandpa already so he already had a bed and ;-; #jerome^2

-Halit rolls into his life. Braces, huge smile, lil prepubescent stash ohmygod. My child.

-BLANC is born. Freddy/Jerome/Halit’s musical trio. Stan the Three Musketeers

-Found his first best friend and a purpose in Freddy. Found a home in Halit. (sob)

-Finds solace in rnb and hiphop. People start noticing him because of it. Writes songs and performs them in café’s. Found his niche. 15 to 19 where his “best”  years

-THE BIG MOVE. After a concerned halit mom, a proud freddy mom and a “WHAT THE FUCK JEROME NO DONT GO” jerome mom they pack their bags and PARIS HERE WE COME

-Enter ex who haunts his life, Seo Yumi aka Marie (now model, v pretty, makes me cry)

-Spots her in the summer doing yoga in the park and boi he an assman so he got fucked up (jk he saw her face and was like wHAT love at first sight

-enrolls in film school, meets her there again and wow falls in love hard like wow calm down boy

-Dating~~~v possessive not good at ALL cALM DOWN JEROME

-ok he got his issues nd marie was the first one who openly listened to his problems and understood and made him appreciate his korean heritige bc she’s korean and showed him cultural aspects without the gross fetishizing that came with his parents and he just- he got intense ok. he already got a v intense personality so- still not good tho he needs to dial it down

-she thought so too and like after a year she was !!!! what the fuck. she is not one for serious relationships but jerome was like ehhh why not in the beginning its v nice to hear nd be seen as the most beautiful ok but then it got suffocating but instead of breaking up with him she kept him around. he a safe haven ya know. reliable. someone to built on later. *i wanna say she also didnt break up w him because his emo stories but marie,,, eh...* (funny tho like she got a thing for bad boys so she just “this is the fifth time you called me beautiful just degrade me lil like choke me idk” and jerome just “w-why would i do that you’re beautiful i dont want to hurt you” ah *looks into the future* ohhowthetableshaveturned.mp4 )

-Marie cheated on him the second she got the chance which was when jerome went to america w his bros

-Got offered a job as a songwriter when in ny. Wouldnt think he’d take it but after getting kicked out of school for beating the shit out of the guy marie cheated on him with and with marie out of the picture nothing held him back from starting a new life.

-TLDR; emo era. silver era. emo era 2 emo harder

ADULTHOOD age 20 to now

-Seoul make way for the rise of YUDDY™

-the name yuddy is from the film days of being wild. the character is kinda yuddy-ish too so he saw the film again and yep. thats my name

-Fuck_love.mp3

-Visits his orphanage. they like “nah boi u aint got no papers boi”

-Parents can give him access to his birthmother btw, aren’t doing it lol

-EMO

-Drinks. Sleeps around. Gets a reputation. You kno how it is. (gr8 ride tho. highly recommend. 5 out of 5 stars on yelp)

-SMASH ND DASH. Chanwook is that u??????

-One girl who he got with multiple times reminded him of Marie tho and that fucked him up for a bit (PSST ITS A PLOT WINK SO IF YA GIRL OF AGE IN THE 2013′S HMU BC ITS DRAMATIC HE GHOSTED THE SHIT OUT OF HER)

-Writes a lot of songs, a few for BC (knight baes). BC like *eye emoji* who dat boi who him iz

-Gets sign w BCreate and is like eyy life pretty good

-but lmao he debut and oh who’s that pretty girl promoting that lipstick?? oh.. its marie ;3;

-imfine.jpeg

-Joins main label and literally joins w a blessing stream limbo on spotify

-wgm era was a great era of jerome lmty his hair was great, shared cute personal things, manager was happy, slept with his best friend, was married to a sweet beautiful girl ya know the good stuff  👍 no im not crying you are

-triple fantasy era was awful we dont talk about that he looked like his brother and i’m still emotional about him wow. 

-instagram is a great song

-Interviewer: u mention an ex in ur song tell me more Jerome: *SWEATS*  

-Marie: my short hair DOES look pretty thank u babe ur red hair was cute too <3<3

-The fact she linked to him now is spook

-But ok he still flirty, still daring, still yuddy™ but definitely less of the whole “sleeping around” thing now bc he… he uhh closetoyou.mp3

TLDR; he turned into his dad but romeo is rising AND HE IS SCARED!!!!!

also never forget jerome is the messiest king in this ok non y’all are as messy as him. he fucked his ex’s friend oK THERE IS NOTHING MORE MESSY. dONT COME FOR HIS CROWN

[syntheticallycrispy]

Feels Bad

I fucking hate talking about feeling and bullshit like that but I got to have a release. Kinda just on here to relieve some stress. I don’t like complaining about this specific issue to people for various reasons. No one uses this shit anymore anyway, I went through my feed and I only see randos now. I don’t want to vent about this to our friends. It would just polarize them and I’m not a fan of talking bullshit. I’m not stooping to that level. I’m really sad over a falling out I had with one of my best friends. First I was trying to do anything I could to prevent such a negative outcome. I tried letting him know I was there during his dark times but no matter how I reached out I was pushed away. I took the extra work, I took the personal attacks, I told others we were in it together and that everything was great. I even kept my mouth shut as he said things against me to others. But then I got turned against. My attempts to work a better schedule and have a plan were deemed as controlling and demanding. He told me didn’t want to work with me in person. He asked me why I don’t quit. He told me he’d obviously pick his new opportunity over the agreement we had to work together and make music our career; an agreement we shook hands over. Even before this several parts of the agreement were broken by him but I prioritized our friendship over things like that and I accommodated. And finally, he did something he doesn't think I know about. 

Shit, I know what its like to feel depressed for a bit so I gave him some space but then he just left. After some time I became angry. I looked back what I had to put up with during our work and business together and I just couldn’t understand how he could see himself as the victim, paint me as a villain and then proceed to pitch that story to others. But given more time, I’m just really sad now. How can you throw someone away so easily and claim that you were close? How can you change the narrative of what really happened so drastically to protect your own self righteousness? How can someone just pretend all that evil shit didn't happen? Couldn't even tell me the truth about why he left and how he felt. Every attempt to reason with him was met with a personal attack or a fake answer. I waited for an apology, for some sort of recognition....Then he acts like everything is cool, we can just kick it again. No. You cant run from this shit anymore. You reap what you sow and if I just sit here taking your shit, I would be throwing my morals away and letting you continue to get away with it. Maybe this is what you need to be a better person. Maybe this is what I need to never over depend on another person ever again. Everybody has their problems, myself included. No one is perfect. But I see friendship as something that is stronger than these things. You should depend on your friends to never betray you. I took so much shit, thinking that it was just a moment that would pass but instead of apologizing, speaking and working it out, he ran. Maybe I don’t value myself enough so I put up with this shit and feel bad about it. I have a soft spot for people disappearing while leaving me with the in the shit. The last few years was just people letting me down constantly. The last person I expected this from was one of my best friends. I don’t hate you. But you obviously don’t give a shit about me what so ever. I think I just need to come to terms with the fact that this friendship wasn’t worth your ego. You let it go. I should too.

[theliterateape]

Why I Will Only Post Positive Things On Facebook Ever Again

By Peter Kremidas

I. Bipedal Nomads Who Can Send Thoughts Worldwide At The Speed of Light

Historically speaking, we have only just started playing around with the internet in general and social media in particular. I think we’ve done, or at least I have done this, without much thought as to how powerful these tools truly are or how to use them responsibly.

I think we have a responsibility to really think about, to have an honest conversation about, how we use it. And then think we need to hold ourselves accountable to whatever conclusion we reach. Because this is potentially a very dangerous tool we have here. People get hurt on social media all the time. I know people who are changed, and not in a good way, for the way they were treated online. People can get broken by this stuff. It’s happened to me. I’ve done it to others. And it’s horrible. Kids are killing themselves over this stuff. And that’s just the stuff we are now reckoning with. We have no idea what it’s doing to our brains.

However on the other side of that, 2017 and 2018 and beyond are the dawning of a new and normalized increase in freedom for women. And it’s because of the internet. People could immediately share their stories to hundreds of their friends, see that they are not alone, and pull the lid off something that has been happening for centuries. The internet did that.

Because the power of the internet, just one of them, is that you can create such a fuss that traditional news media is forced to look. They don’t want to look. But they know if they don’t look they’ll look stupid. Because so many people already know about it without their influence, and they are supposed to be the greatest influencers of all. There’s a lot of power to protect there, and now we have some of that. And that is incredibly cool. So obviously there’s a lot of power for good here.

And I’ve been thinking about this for while, but instead of preaching to people I have no control over about what they should or shouldn’t do I started looking at myself. In 2018, I guess my new year’s resolution was to be more honest in my writing, and with myself. And that means calling myself out on my own bullshit, even when it hurts. It's been several bitter pills to swallow.

A few months ago, I was in some stupid facebook debate I don’t even remember what. But it was the billionth time I was impatiently just impolitely and obnoxiously being contrarian on social media. Nothing to gain from it. It was probably me quibbling as usual over some useless irrelevant minutiae that alienated me from someone I actually agreed with. I think it’s called ‘I almost see your point but you’re kinda being a dick so I don’t care.’ Or, more accurately, ‘Just being a dick.’

Someone commented, I don’t remember her name, and told me that there was another time on social media when I did this and it really hurt her. She asked me to stop. She said ‘please’. I reacted predictably, with more condescension and ‘fuck you’ subtext. She told me that was mean, and again could I please stop. Of course, I’d already thought of what to say next and was about to throw it.

But instead I just felt bad. And I knew she was right. And I hated that.

I stopped. I said that’s fair. I apologized. I haven’t been engaging in any debate or anything other than jokes and positive things since then.

Because when when I actually listened. Not just words, but what must this person feel like that makes them want to say that to me. It hit me. I hated that it did. I denied it and was angry for awhile. But it stuck. And at some point it got real quiet. Quiet enough to hear myself say, “Shit…”

“...I have an issue.”

She was right. And that’s why she was being polite, because she didn’t want to incite me more. That’s how smart she is. While I shoot my mouth off and make an ass of myself, she’s the adult in the room. It’s fuckin’ embarassing being such a broken guy sometimes.

II. The Medium

Ever since the election I’ve been reading about human psychology and neurology, because I had to understand how the fuck. And one of the things I’ve found is that humans, we aren’t all that smart. A full 98 percent of our thinking is unconscious. We get caught into different long term habits just by doing them a lot, because they’re rewarded somehow. It’s why if you see a video of someone at 7 years old you can see exactly where their personality traits have come from. They worked somehow and they just kept doing them. It’s why there is addiction. It’s why you have to spend 10,000 hours doing something before you’re a master at it. It’s why when you’ve had a belief for so long it’s hard to change it. Most of our behavior is pretty much automatic, based on some reward system we’ve set up for ourselves or to prevent us from feeling something bad.

The human brain is full of little cognitive weaknesses that would make you a very disappointing robot. If a self driving car slowed down and created unnecessary traffic every time there was a car accident to look at, that would be an annoying feature. But you aren’t a robot, you’re a human. Flaws are a feature, not a bug. They’re actually beautiful, the imperfections. Because they show that survival and progress requires all of us, because one person alone is too flawed to take on that weight. But together, we can take on any challenge because we compensate for each other’s weaknesses with our own strengths. Flaws humble us and remind us how we are weak, and in so being how we are the same.

But some of those flaws also make us easy to manipulate.

The social media business model, the literal one they drew up upon its creation, is that someone giving you a ‘like’ will addict you to the platform. This draws attention to the platform, and therefore advertisers with money along with demographic data to sell. And studies show that ‘likes’ are very much are addictive. You can’t eat them or even exchange them for a coupon. Regardless they cause a little rush of endorphins when you get them, and anything that does that is addictive. This is fact.

In this environment very few will express unpopular opinions. And I actually think that most of the time, that’s a good thing. There are a lot of people need to shut up and listen. Yes, including myself. People often forget that conformity can also be a good thing. But sometimes, not most of the time but every once in awhile, an unpopular opinion needs to be heard. A lot of important truths have started as controversial opinions. And I think that incentivizing human interaction with ‘likes’ can encourage the bad kind of conformity too.

It’s the reason why we’re all fake on Facebook. All of us. Admit it. As long as there is a way that you wish to be perceived, you’re faking it at least a little. And you do. We all do. None of us are above caring what other people think.

Because we all want to be cool. We all want to be accepted and loved. Our desire to be accepted in the tribe is one of the most deeply human qualities honed by billions of years of evolution. So naturally we all put ourselves out there in a way where we will be most accepted, with varying degrees of concern for authenticity.

So it becomes our own personal PR campaign. We choose how we are perceived. We have time to hone every phrase and pose. It grants us time to think about our responses based on how we want to be seen that we don’t have in the moment. We can tell people what we want them to know about us and what not. It’s a self reinforcing game of ego strokes as we are told how great we are, when it isn’t even our authentic selves being validated most of the time.

And the rush we’re subconsciously chasing is those delicious little likes and pieces of attention that shoot endorphins into our lizard brains. We really can’t help it, we’re human. And while it may not always be the case, over the course of time across all the billions of people using it, most actions within the social media landscape will be primarily incentivized by that endorphin rush because that’s the primary reward baked into the system.

If you think it doesn’t apply to you, I promise you that as long as you have a human brain, it does apply to you. And by the way studies actually show that the less you think you are able to be manipulated, the more you actually are because your guard is down. Also consider the truth that, in capitalism, if the product is free then you are the product. It’s no exaggeration to call it both Orwellian and Huxleian. And I think social media’s ubiquity is a testament to some very serious human brain design flaws.

III. The Exploit

And here is where I almost just quit the whole system altogether. And I did disengage almost completely for a time. Almost right away I could feel my lizard brain sinking into loneliness in the absence of my usual stream of digital affirmations. Like, in fact exactly like, an addict in withdrawal. I wondered if there was a way to make feed the addiction without all the harmful side effects. Because remember, it can also be a powerful tool for the positive. And unlike every advertisement, TV channel, magazine, movie, radio station, website, and so on fighting for my attention 24 hours a day every day, this is also the one medium wherein I have a some degree of control over the content.

What I’ve landed upon, at least for now, is just allowing addiction to be fed but with just a little more mindfulness. I have a line drawn now, I cannot allow the addiction to chase the endorphin rush with complaints, anger, to feed my ego, or so on. If my lizard brain is mostly in control of me, and it is, then I will only allow it to be incentivized by good.

Sure, in person I’ll be happy to debate politics and what not, but I think there’s something about arguing online that can never work. And I think it has something to do with how only 7 percent of human communication is conveyed by just the words alone. 38 percent is vocal elements, and 55 through facial expressions and body language. There’s some fundamental disconnect involved in debate on the internet that, when combined with what social media incentivizes, usually only serves to enrage and hurt people.

I'm done making complaint statuses. If I have complaints I will take them to someone who will hear them in person, someone I can vent to at least. If someone wants to have a disagreement, we can do it i person too. I will stop pretending to be someone I’m not. Because while a lot of that behavior is natural and fine, I just don’t want to be rewarded for it. I don't want my brain trained to do it. I will only allow the endorphin feedback to hit me for saying true and good things. And it has to be both. No bullshit.

Things like this:

If lizard brain wants to get that sweet hit, it better make someone else feel good first. I will be a better person, even if that means I have to manipulate myself into being it. I’m not particularly smart or wise, so maybe I just need this.