#this is the second fanfic ive posted now. tysm for the people who took notice of my first fic and liked it

[katsu-kingdom]

In the dark room, the moonlight slowly seeped in, greeting the hollow space in the kitchen. To the raven-haired boy seated in front of it, it was a gravely greeting, sickening to the stomach. As if it was mocking him of how lonely he felt.

'Are there wrong ways to love someone? ' He pondered

Gripping the glass of beer in front of him harder, Akaashi recalled the times when you would sit in the hollow space and chatter away about how your day went with exaggerated events that you so claimed to be true but he would chuckle knowing that that's just how your dramatic self would see it.

It was always during the night-time when you would ramble, about this time.

This exact time.

You would hurry to finish all the work you needed to, only awaiting the time when you would ramble on and Akaashi knew it.

You would try not to seem too excited to hide the fact that your annoying rants were what you most looked forward to, as if you were trying to hide the biggest secret in the world. But Akaashi knew too well. It was downright obvious. So he would postpone his schedule from then on, without your knowledge.

He took a sip of the beer, facing difficulty to gulp it down. It just seemed to take too much energy to swallow it, seeming as if lifting the glass had taken up all his few remaining energy. Everything seemed so heavy.

'If you take one more sip of that beer' you waved the ladle in your hand, 'I'm gonna hit you.'

Akaashi chuckled. I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you, he'd thought at that time

You always seemed to care too much about the trivial matters, but reacted so recklessly in the consequential ones, in the process of freaking out.

And in the midst of all things that went haywire during that time, Akaashi was always there for you. But if the moments that transpired every day which translated to Akaashi looking after you weren't enough, it was made clear on that one night.

The night when he stayed up late to help you work on your thesis. You were knocked out after five straight hours of working on it, drowsing off to what seemed like an eternal sleep.

A fallen pen startled you awake, and you saw a worn out Akaashi, looking battered up. He was nodding off, desperately trying to fight off his sleep.

What is he doing? this isn't even his work, he always worried more about you than you did for yourself. You felt like a hindrance, exploiting him even if you didn't intend to.

The feelings of gratitude slowly turned into feelings of guilt. You happened to apologise more than you thanked him.

Of course, Akaashi noticed it. But at that time he did not know what to do. Or maybe that was more of an excuse.

He knew he was holding back on a lot. But he couldn't speak it out. However, when he thought it was the only way to mend it, he was proven wrong.

You came home happier. A little later, but happier.

So he didn't do anything.

Gradually, you came home later and later. The row of greetings started to change- Akaashi began greeting you home instead of the other way around.

Busy day, he thought. But deep down he knew that was not it. He noticed by the way your outfits became more sophisticated, by the way you spent more time getting ready. And also, by the way your ramblings became shorter. Your eyes still bore the glimmer as you conversed with him, though brief. But what stung him was how your glimmer seemed more bright. He yearned to be the reason for it.

The dusk was falling leisurely that evening that Akaashi wished to erase. He was working on his papers when you came rushing to his room. As you held the door frame, you looked as though you were about to bring the best news ever.

Akaashi found it so endearing. He always found you endearing.

'I have something great to tell you, Keiji,' you grinned.

Then he became more aware of the silence as you went on.

The way you shyly talked about a guy named 'Oikawa', how you fidgeted from time to time, a tint of red painted on your face.

And an apology, for not telling him beforehand.

And as though that wasn't enough to shatter the broken pieces that lay beneath, you talked about moving out the next week.

Another apology, for being a huge burden.

He should not have been surprised. He knew it the whole time.

How you saw yourself as a burden to him.

He knew it.

How you felt guilty.

He knew it.

And how you had found someone who made you happy.

He knew it.

For the remaining days, the both of you talked and went about normally as you did before. At least that was how Akaashi was trying to portray himself, that he was happy for you. That as a friend, he would support you.

Akaashi looked at the ray of light in the hollow space. That was how he'd always seen you from the start- like a ray of light, beaming at him everyday.

From the time they met at high school in his second year, you always made him happy.

You were immensely chaotic yet inordinately peaceful. Like the huge waves of the sea below the warm sun.

You would tell him that he always made you happy. That you were so glad to have him as your support system, to help you sort out your life.

He did not look away from the hollow space no matter how painful it was. He wanted to picture you there, to embrace you, to feel the warmth. But the more he tried the more disturbing the thought became, that you had drifted away from his life.

The words still clung to him. Always at the tip of his tongue but never going any further than that. He scolded himself for being a coward every time but what could that do when it never would have changed a thing?

However, in the back of his mind, he knew he still regretted it, despite knowing the answer he would have gotten anyways.

'It was just a few words' he mused after hearing the grave news.

But now it was too late.

The darkness swallowed him. He felt suffocation take over him, but he did not move away.

He recalled the time when you were done packing, fidgeting too often.

'I'm too nervous about this,' you said but the anticipated expression did not seem to wipe off of your face.

'He must be all the same,' he said as he forced himself to bring his lips to a smile.

'Thank you,' you smiled. 'You better keep in touch with me though.'

But he knew all too well he would not be able to. The nights that were cut short after you met Oikawa was enough proof of that.

A ring from the doorbell alarmed the both of you.

'He's here,' you smiled. You waved at him as you carried your luggage.

You bid your last farewell and left the raven-haired standing alone in front of the door. The deadly silence engulfed and suffocated him.

He looked at the hollow space as the ray now became thinner before fading away completely, leaving only the darkness to eat him up of what was left in him.

He sat in the silence, accepting no company. The words still hung in the back of his mind. All he wanted to say, was that you made him as happy as he made you.

'Thank you,' he whispered, tearing down the roar of silence that was stabbing him. He uttered those words, intending to desperately tend to the wound and stop the bleeding. 'For staying by my side.'

He wondered if those words would have changed anything at all. If you would understand the weight of it.

But it did not matter anymore, he knew beforehand that this scenario was imminent. Because the whole while, he had always tried to get through those three words in the words he carved, and in the actions he portrayed.

But the words that clung deep into him were words you never responded to.

Ever since he met you.

Till now.