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la-muerta · 3 years

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11.29 Begin - English Translation of Gong Jun’s book

In January 2019, Gong Jun wrote and self-published a book titled 11.29 Begin, with sales from the book going to charity. The book is currently out of print but at that time, he wasn’t very popular yet so he didn’t actually manage to sell many copies, so he quietly donated the projected sales in advance out of his own pocket — 150,000 yuan (about US$23,000). The money went to the China Foundation for Poverty Alleviation (中国扶贫基金会), funding school kitchens for four schools in Sichuan, and fans only noticed because the organisation tagged him in their thank you message. Gong Jun also made the donation under “俊味仙” — the name for his fans.

There are seven chapters plus a preface and afterword, with each chapter talking a bit about the seven projects he had done up to that point, as well as stories about himself and some of his thoughts about life. Gong Jun has said that he doesn’t intend to reprint the book because it has fulfilled its purpose, although he may do similar charity projects in future. I have translated his text but I won’t be posting the photos from the book (also because there are 190 pages in this book ^^;).

Please do not repost my translation anywhere else, including other platforms like twitter and Instagram. If you want to quote parts of it, please link back to me or at least give credit. And if you feel inspired by his book and have the means, perhaps you can consider making a donation to a fund for needy students on his behalf.

Preface

Life is like a long, meandering journey. On the way, many beautiful sights [1] may pass you by, and you can choose to go with the flow or go against it, admiring the scenery along the way and enjoying the freedom, unfettered by limitations. Life is also like a movie, with a rousing opening, ups and downs in the story, and at the end you come away with an understanding of how wonderful the whole process has been and a love for life.

If I could, I would like to just get a backpack and take to the road, so I can feel the wind on my face; travelling throughout the four seasons, admiring the scenery along the way and enjoying the glow of freedom.

If I could, I would like to take a leisurely stroll along the side of a lake, quietly savouring the feeling of not having a care in the world. I would watch movies in the afternoon, taking in the breadth of human experience, and appreciate the joy of being alive.

The hustle and bustle of the city brings its own unique drive and passion. Caught up in this busyness and activity, I often ponder: What kind of person am I? What version of “me” do I want to become? How can I become the version of “me” that I want to become? When I think of things like that out of the blue, it makes me feel like a profound philosopher; and then, poof, I’ll laugh at myself. I never thought I would write a book for myself one day. Before I started writing, the mental draft of things that I wanted to write about would probably have used up countless post-it notes. Suddenly, I discovered that I was more prone to rambling than I’d expected. But when I actually put pen to paper, I didn’t know what to say. Anyway, I hope that from the sparse and simple prose in this book, you can feel the real me, the “me” just the way that I am.

And then, in the unknown future that lies ahead, I hope that even as I pursue my aspirations, I will always remember my original intentions. I hope I can face every unexpected acquaintance and long-awaited meeting with sincerity.

Two years ago, I left Shanghai and came to Beijing. It was an unfamiliar city, a completely new environment, and there’s a vast difference between the north and south (where I’m from). Along the way, I’ve seen different sides to myself, and at different stages and circumstances I’ve experienced love and friendship, as well as setbacks and pain. Still, from the bottom of my heart, I am grateful for all the people I’ve met and experiences I’ve had along the way.

After playing these characters, I’ve discovered that acting is truly a Pandora’s box. In every character, I’ve found a different side of me. I like the rich inner worlds and the unique soul in every character. They are the only ones who will always be with me for every next stage of my journey.

Life is not a grand banquet of material things, but a polishing of the soul, so that when the curtains fall the soul shines brighter than it did at the beginning when the curtains rose. For example, my favourite singer, Li Ronghao-laoshi, whose soul blossoms with the spirit of all things; he can write a whole song by himself and I can feel the power in the melody and the truth in the lyrics, all of which resonate in my heart. I may be just a fledgling in my career as an actor, but I am willing to work ten times, a hundred times harder, to create a character with a soul. That way, I won’t let myself down, I won’t let the years of my youth down, and I won’t let all of you down.

I would like to dedicate this book, 11.29 Begin, to myself at the age of 26, as well as to the interesting souls I admire.

[1] The phrase he used was 十里春风; literally translated to “ten li of spring scenery”, originating from the poem 《赠别·其一 (Presented at Parting, Part One) 》by Tang Dynasty poet Du Mu.

–

Chapter One

I’ve chosen what I love, so I should love what I’ve chosen. I’ve always wanted to be an actor.

Advance Bravely

Advance Bravely (盛势) is an adaptation of a novel by Chai Ji Dan (柴鸡蛋). Before I was casted in Advance Bravely, I had not read any of Chai-laoshi’s novels. Because the process between accepting the role and starting filming had been very rushed, I didn’t have the chance to read the script properly, so I thought it was simply a drama with two male leads. To better understand the character I was playing, Xia Yao, I decided to read the original novel. My first reaction was: “Wah! This is going too far!” So I was quite resistant at first.

I’ve forgotten where I came across this, but later I read this piece of advice: “I’ve chosen what I love, so I should love what I’ve chosen.” It was truly enlightening. Since I’ve chosen acting as a career, I should be passionate about every role that I play, imbuing every character with a soul and sense of self. That is my job. After that, I loosened up a lot and was less inhibited on set, which also lessened my mental stress. Only by letting go of my self-consciousness can I find my character’s sense of self.

This was not only my first time working with a proper filming crew, but also my first time taking on a role that had so many scenes. Xia Yao is the pivotal character in all the drama’s storylines. At first, I had a hard time coping with the number of scenes I had to film every day, but gradually I got the hang of it. In every production, everyone in the cast and crew are working hard together to present the best work to the audience.

The experience of filming the fight scenes and the scenes in the rain remain vivid in my mind. The martial arts instructors were very patient with me when they taught me the moves and techniques, including wrestling and sprinting under the machines making artificial rain. Previously, I had seen such scenes in the movies and they always looked so cool. Now that I’ve experienced the process of filming them, I realise that it takes a lot of hard work from the cast and crew to complete a scene like that.

We filmed this drama in Tianjin in summer. The weather was really hot and there were a lot of mosquitoes; we would not have survived without fans and a lot of insect repellant. Even the winter scenes were filmed in summer, and I had to wear heavy winter clothing and walk under the blistering sun at 37–38°C temperatures. At that time, I was suffering from an allergic reaction on the skin at the back of my neck, and it was then that I realised that being an actor really isn’t easy.

Xia Yao really enjoys his food, so I had a lot of scenes where I had to eat. I’m also someone who enjoys food so I was really happy until I actually had to film the scenes. Almost all the scenes that involved eating were scheduled on the same days, and in every scene I had to eat a lot to accommodate the various shots from different angles and camera positions, and I did so many takes that I had to keep eating and eating. By the time we wrapped, I had put Xia Yao’s favourite food, lotus root filled with glutinous rice, on my blacklist. I never want to see that dish again in my life, haha.

To get closer to the character of Xia Yao, when I’d finished filming my scenes for the day, I’d go for roller-blading and boxing lessons. As a result, I only had a few hours of sleep every day, and I felt like I was fighting in a war. I considered giving up a few times, but in the end I managed to pull through, not wanting to let everyone else down and waste all the effort that we had already put in. When I finally saw the finished product and saw that the accumulation of every day’s hard work had been woven into a story with such emotion and spirit, it solidified my passion and aspirations for acting as a career.

Acting is not just a job but a career I love

Before becoming an actor, I knew nothing about it. Now, I think that while you might be able to find a succinct definition of the job in the dictionary, what being an actor entails is so much more than that. Acting (as a profession) is like the rains of the south, constantly changing throughout the four seasons – sometimes a roaring storm and sometimes a gentle drizzle, bold and exciting, elegant and obstinate, always bringing anticipation and imagination, and giving one the kind of energy that seeps into your soul. An actor’s every performance can take your breath away with their mastery of their skill. Whether one is playing the mightiest hero or the most mild-mannered scholar, each character has their own emotional journey and soul.

I love acting. I love being able to experience different life stories through each character, I love the metamorphosis of every character that I bring to life. I love it, and I enjoy every moment of it.

In a life filled with trivial things, acting has become my dream, my aspiration, and where my heart lies. As Stephen King wrote in Shawshank Redemption, “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” For me, right now, that’s what my love for acting means to me. No matter how big the challenge, I will face it bravely.

–

“Life is a train to the grave. There will be many stops along the way, and it is difficult for someone to accompany you from the beginning to the end. When someone who is with you has to get off the train, you should say ‘thank you’ even if you find it hard to let go. Then wave goodbye.”　

一 Spirited Away, Hayao Miyazaki

–

Chapter Two

The process of growing up is like a thief of time; it will steal the things you’ve been dependent on, the things you’ve been holding onto all your life.

Love Lost in Times

Love Lost in Times (醉玲珑) was my first costume drama, so I had to learn a lot of things, including horseback riding, archery, chess and so on. One particular scene filmed mainly in Dunhuang required many shots of me riding a horse, but I had zero experience with horses. It took me almost a whole day to learn how to ride a horse, but they told me I was a pretty fast learner, and I was quite gleeful about that – maybe I have some talent in this area.

I played the role of the eleventh prince, Yuan Ji, or as you all like to call him, “the scary protector of his brother". In the drama, he is brave and loyal, protecting his fourth brother in every way, obeying everything he says, and aiding him in everything he does. Yuan Ji is also pretty devoted in his romantic relationships, doting on Cai Qian. But the reality on set was that everyone was taking care of me. The director guided me on filming techniques, and Wai-ting-ge (William Chan Wai-ting) shared his years of experience with me. As a newcomer to costume drama, every time I couldn’t get into the right headspace, everyone helped me get into character, feeding lines to me off-camera, practising lines with me, and teaching me how to be more natural. I remember there was a scene in which three characters were playing against each other and I couldn’t get into the right headspace. We must have had to do more than ten takes because of me, but the director didn’t blame me. Instead, he guided me patiently, talking through the emotional beats of the scene so that I could get into the character’s headspace more easily, and Wai-ting-ge was there to feed me my lines. It made me feel that the whole cast and crew was like a big family, bringing together a lot of loving and caring people who helped each other like family.

My company is the best gift that I can give my family

There is an old saying: while your parents are still alive, do not travel far.

My parents were always there for me while I was growing up, and now that I’ve grown up, my biggest wish is to take my parents travelling and show them the world. But as an actor, free time is hard to come by. Whenever I do have time between projects, I’ll bring my family out for a spin, taking them to try out food places and shops that have been highly recommended online, and touring famous landmarks and scenic views with them. What’s important is that I’m there to hold their hands.

The moon is always brighter at home [2]

One of my friends shared this quote in our group chat: “I went through so many examinations, but all I got for it was having to leave home, never getting to spend the spring or autumn with my family, only the fleeting winter and summer.” [3]

Going to university was my first taste of separation from my family. I was born in Chengdu, grew up in Chengdu, and I’d never left it before then. On the day that I left, I took the last possible flight out. Behind me were my parents, reluctant to see me go and filled with worry; in front of me lay the university life that I’d been looking forward to. I was suddenly aware that I stood at a turning point in my life. I would no longer have my nagging but loving parents by my side, and I would have to grow into my best self independently, taking responsibility for myself. The two-and-a-half-hour flight brought me to a foreign city. There were none of the familiar little shops that I’d visited every week, none of the internet cafes that I’d frequented when I was playing truant from school, none of all my decade-old “secret bases”.

After I started university, I seldom had the opportunity to spend the mid-autumn festival at home, and after I graduated I didn’t even get to go home many times in a year. Over time, I began to really feel the accumulation of all those mid-autumn festivals and other festivities that I hadn’t had the chance to celebrate with my family. Like my favourite Dongzikou Zhang’s cold noodles and Liaoji Laoma’s pig trotters from the alleyways of Chengdu, all these have become things that I can only experience in my memories.

[2] This is a line from 《月夜憶舍弟 (Thinking of My Younger Brothers on a Moonlit Night)》, a poem by Tang Dynasty poet Du Fu.

[3] These are lyrics from the song 《我的大学 (My University)》. Both the spring festival (the Lunar New Year) and the mid-autumn festival are important celebrations of reunion and family in Chinese culture.

–

Chapter Three

I have come to join this celebration of youth that I’ve heard so much about, pulling aside the curtains to face the unknown with excitement and enthusiasm; embracing it, protecting it.

The spin-off

Love Lost in Times (醉玲珑) and Exquisite Drunken Dream (玲珑醉梦) were filmed at the same time, one after the other, so we managed to keep the same cast for both projects. Because we’d all been working together for a while, we were all very fond of each other and comfortable with each other, and at the later stages we were even confident enough to make suggestions to the director.

Exquisite Drunken Dream is mainly about the eleventh prince and Cai Qian. Xu Muchan and I had gotten to know each other well after Love Lost in Times and we’re very good friends in real life. She’s from Dongbei, so when we’re chatting, sometimes she’ll unconsciously say something in Dongbei dialect so I ended up picking up some of it from her. Sometimes I still slip into Dongbei dialect! I remember reading a joke from somewhere, that if there’s someone from Dongbei living in your dormitories, after a week you’ll all become people from Dongbei. It looks like the Dongbei dialect really does have that power, and Xu Muchan definitely has plenty of the generosity and charm typical of the people from Dongbei.

We had a lot of fun filming Exquisite Drunken Dream and we were more relaxed on set so we were more daring about trying out new things in the scenes that would not have been possible in the main series. There were a lot of characters in Love Lost in Times and every character had a very fulfilling storyline, so we didn’t want to suggest too many of our own changes in case it messed up the big picture story arc. But because Exquisite Drunken Dream revolves around the eleventh prince and Cai Qian, we were more daring about suggesting quirks for our own characters to make them come alive, and contributed more of our own opinions on our performances. That was a new experience for me.

To my beloved friends

I am thankful for the new friends I make from every project, and I’m grateful to have them in my life.

I make friends quite easily. As long as we get along and are comfortable with each other, friendship is as simple as sharing stories over a round of drinks, and being open and relaxed around each other is the most important.

Actually, a lot of my friends are very similar to me in terms of personality, and we share similar interests. Our interactions are simple and casual. I don’t really have many hobbies or interests – playing video/computer games, going to the gym, cooking. I live quite near two of my friends from university, so we’ll play games together, they’ll let me borrow their gym membership cards, and I’ll cook for them. It might not be much, but it makes me happy.

I have passed through your world countless times

Many people will appear and bloom in your life, bringing joy and laughter, while many others will leave, sometimes forever, bringing pain and regret. Time passes quickly, and those who pass through my world must have had a special bond of fate with me.

At the end of every project, I will feel melancholic for a while. The end of a project means we will have to say goodbye to each other, and separation means eventually becoming distant to each other. But because I have put in time and effort into every relationship, I don’t want these relationships to fade over time.

On set, everyone treats me like a younger brother, and the time we spent together remains vivid in my mind – shooting scenes together, memorising our lines together, eating together, playing games together, and chatting about everything and anything together. The happy and busy times pass so quickly and before I know it, it’s time to say goodbye and end this brief time together. With reluctance, gratitude and stammered words of farewell, everyone heads off on their next journey.

–

“I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way. You see, the world looks very different up here… Just when you think you know something, you have to look at it in another way. Even though it may seem silly or wrong, you must try.”

“Seize the day… Carpe Diem.”

一 Dead Poets Society

–

Chapter Four

When you are faced with obstacles, chew through them carefully like you would chew your food. Life is something you have to digest slowly on your own.

Fantasy Westward Journey

Fantasy Westward Journey (梦幻西游) is a classic game that a lot of us played for many years, a unique memory from our youth. I was a fan of the game too and I was really excited when I found out I was going to be in this drama [4]. As an avid gamer, getting to play the main character in the game world is usually the kind of dream you have after gaming all night, but this dream came true for me.

I joined the production team with great anticipation and excitement. All the mountains, rivers, and valleys that I had visited in the game world were represented by green screens on set, and the ever-changing fantastical abilities of the characters would only be added in with CGI in post-production. It was extremely challenging for me at that time to act with no physical guides. The actors were surrounded by green cloth and had to find their own sightlines, camera angles, and position markers.

Because the story would alternate between the historical fantasy setting of the game world and modern day setting of the real world, the actors had to adjust their performances and speech patterns accordingly. In the game world, we had to speak in a more elegant manner, while the dialogue in modern scenes were done in casual everyday speech. A lot of the scenes played on the juxtaposition and switching between these two settings. I learnt a lot through this production, including new acting techniques.

The ten-thousand-year love affair between Chengdu people and hotpot

Chengdu people like to take life at a leisurely pace – it is our attitude to life and things that come our way. I was born and raised in Chengdu, and like the people of my hometown, I enjoy a comfortable and relaxed lifestyle but that doesn’t mean that I’ll overindulge in it. The best way to demonstrate the characteristics of Chengdu people is probably in the spirit of the way we eat hotpot. In Chengdu, eating hotpot is all about the mood and feelings it inspires. Slow cooking brings out the unique flavours and reminds us to savour life. Every ingredient dipped however briefly in the soup stock makes us realise that every chance meeting adds to the rich tapestry of our lives, and the bubbling soup mimics the ups and downs that we must experience in life.

To fully experience Chengdu’s spirit of hotpot-eating, you must of course eat it with both the “ma” (numbing) and “la” (spiciness) flavours. There are hotpot restaurants everywhere you go, and all of them are imbued with the same spirit. You can cook tens of thousands of ingredients of every variety in the same hotpot, and that is how you understand the tolerance and open-mindedness of the people of Chengdu.

I’ve loved eating hotpot since I was a child – I don’t know if I was born with a taste for it, or it was something inculcated by my family. When I was young, my family ran a business and there was a hotpot restaurant near the factory. I ate there very frequently, basically every other day. The owner of the restaurant was very friendly with my family, and I ate there so often that I was practically like their foster son!

Eat more, my friends, life is short!

In many households, the mother is the one who is capable both in and out of the kitchen and the father just sits in the living room soaking his feet and watching TV. But in my family, my dad takes care of everything in the household, and he also has a special skill – he’s a really good cook. When I was a kid, my mother and paternal grandmother would always play assistant to my father and paternal grandfather in the kitchen. One of my most heart-warming memories from childhood was that after walking home from school every day at noon, my grandfather would have my lunch ready and he would be waiting for me at home. I liked to watch TV while I ate, so my grandfather would mix the sauce from the dishes in my rice before bringing me my meal, and if I ate well he would chuckle and pat me on the head. In my memory, my grandfather’s hands were very large and warm. [5]

When I was young, my family had a small factory, and the cook at the factory cafeteria was a really good cook. When I had nothing to do during the summer holidays, I would go and watch him cook and I learnt a lot of cooking techniques from him. Most of the dishes I know how to cook are Sichuan cuisine, and the finished products are all pretty presentable. The first time I cooked was during the Lunar New Year – I cooked a full table of dishes for my family, and although it’s so long ago that I don’t remember how the food tasted, I still remember the pleased smiles on the faces of my family members. Probably because of the affirmation I received when I was young, I have always taken great delight in cooking, so I often cook for my friends and colleagues. When I’m at home and not away filming, my house is basically their communal dining hall.

With a messy kitchen, a dining table laden with piping hot dishes, and three to five friends getting together with laughter and jokes, even being in the big city of Beijing doesn’t feel so lonely anymore.

[4] This drama series was filmed in 2017 but put on the back-burner for a long time. After the success of Word of Honour, it was eventually released in April 2021 under the title The Player (指尖少年). Gong Jun is also currently the new spokesperson for the PC version of the game.

[5] Gong Jun’s paternal grandfather passed away in 2015, four years before the publication of this book.

–

Chapter Five

No longer wandering aimlessly along this limitless and boundless path to growing up, but seeking victory through experiences, finding a direction, and always searching.

Art On!

Art On! (艺术生) [6] is a coming-of-age drama series about youthful inspiration, with art students as its main characters. As an art student myself, I really empathised with the challenges the characters faced working towards the university entrance exams/auditions.

Dance is the second most important skill that all art students have to learn, but for someone like me with very bad physical coordination, it was a real challenge. Before we began filming, all the actors went for about half a month of classes. The different stretching exercises were a nightmare for me, but I gritted my teeth and bore with the pain for half a month. Filming Art On! was like reliving my days as an art student in university. Other than the dance classes that I couldn’t get the hang of, everything else was more or less familiar to me, so it was much easier to get into the role.

The straight-A student with a guilty conscience

Other than the dance practices, another challenge I faced for this role was having to understand how it felt to be a straight-A student. In the drama, my character is an all-rounder and high achiever with perfect grades, but in real life I’m the complete opposite. I think most guys don’t like studying when they’re young – this is my personal opinion, and maybe I’m just giving myself excuses for my poor results. Anyway, there are always many outstanding students in school, but I was never one of them.

I’ve never stressed myself about school. The classroom was the best place for naps and internet cafes were my favourite haunt. I slept during classes and only woke up to play computer/video games after school, and sometimes I’d even play truant so that I could spend more time playing games. Before I started preparing for my university entrance exams/auditions, I had probably never put in any real effort in my studies. It was only after I became an art student that I decided that it was time to put in some effort towards my own life.

An accidental occurrence

The university entrance examinations are an extremely stressful period, an army of thousands trying to cross a bridge made from a single plank. By the time I realised that I would actually have to study to get into university, it felt like it was already too late. But sometimes life is like that – just when you’ve given up hope, the gods will give you a bit of candy.

One completely ordinary afternoon, three teachers came to visit our class. After one week of observations, one of the teachers pointed at me and said, “Could you please step out.” Just like that, the door to the examinations/auditions for art students was open to me. I worked hard to learn the skills needed for the auditions, and every day was rewarding, happy, but also very tiring. Fortunately, I soon received the acceptance letter for Donghua University in Shanghai.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if the teachers hadn’t walked into my class that day, or if I had played truant again and hadn’t been in school? What would my life be like now?

Youth, in all its glory

There’s a song that goes, “Youth is a journey where you may stumble and fall, but when you look back on it, there’s beauty in it” [7], and I think that’s exactly what it’s like. Art On! brought me back to a university campus and made me feel like I was reliving my university days. All the big story arcs and little details brought back so many memories of those four years.

It is the best age, the best time to shape up into the best version of yourself. There were a lot of students learning together, and most of our days were pretty mundane. But whenever we had to put up an actual performance, there would be a lot of laughter. Because we were all inexperienced actors, our performances were very unstructured, and when we watched our classmates perform, we didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.

My university days were filled with both laughter and tears, and it was both the easiest and the toughest time. Being reminded of a single moment can lead to endless reminiscing, a beautiful memory of youth. I remember that one chef on the first floor of Cafeteria No. 2 made really good claypot rice, I remember being scolded by the lady in charge of the dormitories for secretly cooking hotpot in the dormitories, I remember the banners under the parasol tree where you could confess your crush, and I remember riding my bicycle through the breeze that made my short hair slightly messy.

[6] This drama series was filmed in 2017 but has not been released, although there are rumours that it might be released at the end of 2021 or in 2022.

[7] 《小幸运 (A Bit of Good Fortune)》by Hebe Tian.

–

“Only when one travels can one hear their own voice. It will tell you that the world is bigger than one can imagine. In this world, you will meet many opportunities, but you will never meet ‘God’. You have to find your own way.”

一 Spirited Away, Hayao Miyazaki

–

Chapter Six

I had a cup of hot coffee in my hand, or perhaps it was a cup of warm milk tea – I forget. All I remember are the opportunities and tribulations that came and went.

Unique Lady (绝世千金)

As a newbie, my acting experience and life experiences are both limited, so I enjoy getting the opportunity to experience new things during filming. Unique Lady is adapted from a text-based adventure role-playing game titled Lascivious Lady (好色千金) with a very Mary Sue protagonist. My character, Zhong Wumei, is arrogant with a dark side, sharp-tongued but secretly kind-hearted, a domineering prince who will choose righteousness over love. The part about this production that left the strongest impression on me is that the director would step in to fill whatever roles were required when we were short of actors, playing both male and female characters. He was very good at helping us figure out where we needed improvement, and it was always very entertaining when he dressed up for female roles.

Creating a “Domineering CEO”-type character for costume dramas that stands out from the rest means coming up with new gimmicks. The director gave me a lot of suggestions and inspiration when I was figuring out the character, and I really must thank him for his guidance.

My personal “Doraemon”

I really am quite a lucky person. I didn’t experience much hardship when I was growing up, and a lot of people took care of me when I went to university. In my second year of university, my seniors from school linked me up with some jobs filming commercials. That was my first taste of working life, and my first practical learning experience. After graduation, I stayed in Shanghai and filmed commercials for a year, but gradually I realised that as an actor, this wasn’t what I wanted from my career or pace of life. So I decided to move up north to Beijing.

In the cartoon series Doraemon, the main character Nobita has a round blue friend that he can always count on – I have a round friend who is always by my side too, my biaoge (older male cousin). My biaoge is very plump and fair, and with a full beard on his face, he may look quite fierce. But in reality, he’s a very kind, sensitive, and meticulous person. He’s given me a lot of help along the way, and I discuss a lot of things with him. Initially, I was quite anxious and uneasy about moving to Beijing, but even when faced with the unfamiliar and unforeseeable future, I knew that my biaoge had my back. He helped me with renting a place and the little everyday things, so that my move to the big city went smoothly and comfortably.

A strong support team

Many people who come to Beijing to find work may find that it’s full of hardship and really not easy, but things have gone pretty well for me since I’ve come to Beijing, and that’s my bit of good fortune. I haven’t experienced anything that has been particularly unbearable or upsetting since I’ve moved to Beijing, and things have been fairly smooth-sailing both in work and in my personal life.

Soon after I moved to Beijing, Chai Ji Dan-laoshi found me through Weibo, and I was casted in my first ever drama series, Advance Bravely – so thank you Dandan-jie.

Since I started my career, I have found that the difficulties of being a newcomer, the struggle to make ends meet, and preparing for the daily grind, have not drowned my passion and enthusiasm for this place. Instead, I feel that these experiences have made my life more real and added flavour to it. I have been able to adjust to and accept these unfamiliar things because I have my team, Biao-ge, my cousin, and many, many people around me supporting me. Their help, guidance, and companionship have given me the confidence and a great sense of security so that I can persevere on my path. I know that I will face other difficulties in future, but I believe that I will still be able to overcome them with big strides and keep going forward.

–

“I didn’t remember what month that was, or what year even. I only knew the memory lived in me, a perfectly encapsulated morsel of a good past, a brushstroke of color on the gray, barren canvas that our lives had become.”

一 The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini

–

Chapter Seven

Fate doesn’t always come knocking, but when it does, it always arrives with a dramatic entrance. That’s why its other name is “Moment”.

Just a little drunk

The protagonist in Flavour It’s Yours (看见味道的你) was even more of a Mary Sue than the one in Unique Lady. In this drama series, I played a genius wine critic – except that my superhuman taste buds had to be awakened with a kiss, and that was the beginning of a strange love story.

In my opinion, when filming romantic dramas, you have to know each other very well. Once you get in character, you must imagine that you really are the character in this story. When I was filming Flavour It’s Yours, I convinced myself that I was indeed Lu Weixun, and I really loved the girl who was standing in front of me. To make a character come alive, you have to invest real feelings when you are acting out the scene. But once filming is over, you must step out of the character and live your own real life.

Flipped

One of my favourite movies is Flipped (an American romantic comedy released in 2010, with the Chinese title 《怦然心动 (Fluttering Heart)》). “Every once in a while, you find someone who’s iridescent, and once you do, nothing will ever compare.”

Finding someone you like is easy, but finding one who matches you is a little bit more difficult. Liking someone is about finding them attractive, feeling positive about everything they say or do; but the transition from “liking” to “matching" each other means you will end up taking on some of each other’s qualities. This is a process that nobody else can get in the way of, a communion of two souls and a promise to guard and protect each other. With such a relationship, you can find comfort in each other’s company, and you feel the simplicity and purity of the connection.

Many people spend their youth being involved in all sorts of heart-rending and gut-wrenching romantic relationships, but I seem to have spent most of my youth playing games and hanging out with my buddies. Looking back now, I’m actually quite envious of people who’ve experienced earth-shaking, passionate romantic relationships.

I can’t give you a definite physical description of my ideal type of girl or tell you what kind of personality she should have. But when she does appear in my life, I will take her hand bravely and invite her into my life.

–

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.”

一 Darkest Hour (a 2017 UK war drama film)

–

Afterword

I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I’m already on the way there.

This is a letter to myself at the age of 26, as well as a summary of my life so far. A lot of unexpected meetings and events have happened in my life, but luckily, all of them have been beautiful and fortunate accidents. Both the joy when things are going smoothly and the pain when things are not going well are stepping stones for the long, arduous path to the future, so that I can keep improving and become a better version of myself.

In the past, I often felt lost and confused, but now I’ve finally had the time and energy to sum up all the things that have happened in my life and work so far. This book, 1129, marks the beginning of a new phase of my life, and is also a farewell to the phase that has passed. Whether the path ahead is going to be a field of flowers or a sea of thorns, I will face it filled with confidence and courage. After all, I’m already on the way…

With thanks to

I would like to thank all those who have accompanied me and supported me, giving me energy and strength. Their appearance in my life have helped me so much, and I am thankful to fate for bringing these people into my life and giving me the chance to know them.

A note in Gong Jun’s handwriting that is printed at the end of the book:

I’ve used the scenery I’ve seen along the way (as a backdrop to the photos in this book) to present this image of myself: someone who doesn’t have very intense desires, but also someone who doesn’t like a bland life. Like the majority of people, I am unexceptional but real, and both sincere and genuine.

Along the way, in both the happy and sad times, all of you have been there with me, sharing your warmth with me. I am thankful for your unwavering companionship and your constant unchanging warmth. To me, you are all priceless and rare treasures [8], and in the blank pages at the end of this book, I hope you can write down your own feelings and give it the perfect ending.

Gong Jun

[8] The phrase he used was 夏代有工的玉; literally translated to “jade with workmanship from the Xia Dynasty”, originating from the poem 《可遇不可求的事 (Things That You May Chance Upon But Cannot Seek)》 by Chinese novelist Feng Tang. The Xia Dynasty was the first dynasty in Chinese history (2070–1600 BC) and the jade items that survived from that era were almost never polished or worked on, so it’s a metaphor for something priceless and incredibly rare.

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genshin-impact-writings · 3 years

Note

Hi there! I’m one of the many silent readers that enjoys your writing but rarely interacts with anything (I’m shy!) Speaking up this time to let you know that your efforts are 💯% appreciated!!!

Saw your reqs are open for Thoma and Baal but don’t have to do it if you don’t want to: welcome tour with Thoma but it’s an actual tour instead of some hidden agenda to try to recruit you into the resistance 🙃

Heya! Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate your support! <3 And thank you for your request. I got a bit carried away while writing this and it doesn't fit your original idea perfectly but I hope you'll like it nevertheless. Have a great day/night and take care, dear! :)

Welcome to Inazuma – Thoma x gn!reader

Your palms felt a bit sweaty when you entered Inazuma City, immediately surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the area that was much more crowded and noisier than Ritou where you had arrived a couple of days ago. There were soldiers everywhere, and although you knew that you had a valid travel permit, the sight still made you nervous.

You didn’t know much about the things that had happened in Inazuma recently but judging from everything the Adventurer’s Guild had told you before they sent you here, the situation was still quite tense. Surely, it would be best to avoid any unnecessary attention until you had spoken to your new superiors, and so you took a deep breath and bowed your head as you continued to make your way through the city.

Finding the local branch of the Guild luckily wasn’t too difficult, and by the time you had arrived there, your nervousness had already started to subside. “Hello Katheryne,” you greeted the familiar receptionist before handing over your papers. “I’m (Y/N), from Mondstadt.”

“Welcome to Inazuma,” she replied with the same polite smile you had already seen so many times. “The local adventurers have anticipated your arrival but unfortunately, they are quite busy with their commissions today, so they can’t welcome you right now. But perhaps you would like to take a walk through the city in the meantime? There’s a lot to see and it’s surely more interesting than sitting around and waiting for the others to return.”

And that is how it came that you were wandering around the city for the second time on that day, trying to process all the new impressions that besieged you. There were various restaurants and food stalls, smaller and larger shops that sold all kinds of things, and you couldn’t deny that the whole situation was quite overwhelming, especially compared to your home town Mondstadt where everything was a bit more leisurely and relaxed. But at the same time, it made you incredibly happy to be able to explore a place like this.

“Excuse me but – are you (Y/N)? The adventurer from Mondstadt?” a voice behind you asked, snapping you out of your thoughts. When you turned around, you saw a tall, blonde man standing behind you, dressed in dark red and black clothes and, as you noticed almost immediately, with a Pyro vision attached to his belt. But what really caught your attention were his friendly, bright green eyes.

“Um,” you hesitated with your answer. “Yes.”

“Oh, great!” His lips curled into a delighted smile, and he quickly grabbed your hand to shake it. “I’m Thoma! Miss Kamisato told me you’d arrive today and asked me to show you around.”

“Miss Kamisato?” you repeated. Of course, you had heard of the Kamisato Clan and their role in the recent events but you weren’t too sure why they were so well informed about your arrival in Inazuma.

Still smiling, Thoma nodded. “Most of your future commissions actually come from the Kamisato Clan. As you may or may not have guessed already, things are a bit complicated in Inazuma right now and we all could need another helping hand to deal with some of these inconveniences. That’s why the local Adventurer’s Guild asked Mondstadt and Liyue for help, you see.”

You hummed in response. His explanations made sense, and he seemed to be a sociable and friendly companion, so there was really no reason to dismiss his offer to show you around the city. In the end, you thought to yourself, it could only be of advantage to explore the area together with a local.

“Okay,” you finally replied and hesitatingly returned his smile. “Where should we go first?”

“And here we have the Yae Publishing House,” your companion explained a couple of hours later, gesturing towards the building complex in front of you. It was an unobtrusive, yet fairy large building, compared to the others, but the stall right in front of it was all the more interesting. The shelves bent under dozens of books in various shapes and sizes, organized in a classification system you couldn’t figure out at first glance.

“If you ever need something to read, this is the place to go,” the man by your side continued, and you turned your head to look at him. “I don’t think I’ll have a lot of time to read in between my commissions.”

Thoma laughed, a contagious, joyful laugh that you found more attractive than you wanted to admit. “I’ll have to make sure that you don’t overwork yourself, then.”

“I can take care of myself just fine, thank you,” you replied and grimaced at him when he only laughed more at your words. “No doubt, dear adventurer. But everyone needs someone to look after them sometimes, don’t you agree?”

“You don’t even know me.”

“Is that so? We’ve spent almost the entire day with each other.”

You rolled your eyes but it was nearly impossible to fight back the smile that tugged at the corners of your mouth now. “You must be insane if you think that a few hours are enough to get to know me properly.”

He winked at you. “Thankfully, the day isn’t over yet. We still have plenty of time to chat. So, how about we take a break and grab something to eat before we continue our little tour? I know some great restaurants that are just around the corner. It’s my treat, of course.”

“That sounds like a really good idea,” you said, letting out a quiet shriek when he linked arms with you and dragged you along before you could even finish your sentence. “A bit impatient, aren’t we?”

An apologetic smile and an almost innocent look were his only answer at first. Then, with an overdramatic sigh, he added, “What can I say? Food is my weak point.”

“Then we should definitely hurry – who’s going to show me where I can watch the sunset if you’re going to pass out from malnutrition?”

He grinned. “Well, luckily I know the perfect spot to do that. Once we’ve finished our meal, I’ll take you there, dear adventurer.”

“Now, would you look at that,” Thoma said quietly, pointing towards the horizon where the sky was painted in the most gorgeous shades of orange, red and purple as the day slowly came to an end. The rippling surface of the ocean reflected the light of the setting sun in a way you had never seen before, and for a few seconds, you could only stare at the spectacle of nature that happened right in front of you.

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered then, your eyes still glued to the sky. Next to you, Thoma couldn’t help but smile; a soft, genuine smile that would have made your face heat up if you had seen it.

“Very beautiful, indeed,” he agreed, his voice barely audible, but he wasn’t watching the sunset anymore. Instead, he was looking at you from the corner of his eye. In the warm light of the sun, your skin had an ethereal glow, and your hair that framed your face almost looked like a halo from his perspective. “A sight to behold, one might say.”

You blinked at him, unable to hide your embarrassment when you finally realized that he wasn’t talking about the sunset anymore. He chuckled quietly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fluster you. It’s just – you’re stunning, you know?”

“You’re quite handsome yourself, Thoma,” you replied, a sheepish grin spreading on your face as his eyes widened at the unexpected compliment before he quickly turned his head away to hide the soft, rosy colored blush that creeped up his neck. “Um, thanks, I guess.”

“I mean it.”

Silence fell between the two of you then as you continued to watch the sky getting darker and darker until the sun had almost disappeared over the horizon. You could already see the stars, countless bright dots scattered over the dark blue sky. The quiet rushing of the ocean perfected the peaceful scenery, and for a few moments, you found yourself wondering if you could perhaps stay in Inazuma for a bit longer than originally planned. Surely, the Adventurer’s Guild wouldn’t mind. You could spend more time with exploring the Nation of Eternity – and you could spend more time with Thoma, too. Although you had only known him for barely a day, you couldn’t deny that he had made an impression on you, and you really wanted to get to know him better.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, snapping you out of your thoughts. “You impressed me, too.”

It was only then when you realize that you had wondered out loud about your stay in Inazuma and, more importantly, about him. Oh no. You felt your cheeks heating up in embarrassment and opened your mouth to explain yourself but when you noticed the soft expression in his eyes, you decided to remain silent instead before you’d say even more awkward things.

For a few seconds, neither of you spoke as you kept staring at each other, trying to figure out your next move.

“Would it be too bold of me to kiss you right now?” Thoma finally broke the silence, his voice barely louder as a whisper and his breath softly brushing against your face as he spoke. When you shook your head, leaning in ever so slightly to signalize that you wouldn’t mind it at all, he let his hand trail to the back of your neck to guide you forward before finally closing the gap between the two of you and pressing his lips to yours in a gentle kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as you felt him melt under your touch.

You were both out of breath when he pulled away. A soft smile played around his mouth as he brushed a strand of hair from your face. Leaning in again, he rested his forehead against yours, looking at you with shining, green eyes that were filled with so much honest adoration that it sent a shiver down your spine. “Welcome to Inazuma, my dear adventurer.”

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it please consider reblogging. I would really appreciate the support! <3

Taglist: @blissmal, @aimicoos, @childe-support, @rim0na,@the-gayest-sky-kid, @aphrodicts-imagination

#thoma x reader #thoma genshin x reader #thoma x you #thoma genshin x you #thoma x gn!reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin fluff #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #reader insert #thoma x y/n

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beesinspades · 3 years

Text

bee’s ace xie lian fics~

No matter the fic, I always write Xie Lian as ace and think of Hua Cheng as demi. Though not that much talked about, after a year of being in this fandom, I can safely say that it turns out ace(spec) Xie Lian is actually a pretty popular headcanon, which brings me immense joy!!

I used to be scared of making that kind of post, but seeing how much the rep in these fics means to many fellow aces, I thought I’d do a short masterpost for anyone else who might be interested!

I don’t tag the ones in which there's no mention of the headcanon, but I do tag even those where it’s briefly mentioned or just implied. I kept those out of the list, but you can easily find them on my AO3 account by setting the Additional Tags filter on Asexual Character. I only included those that have either a big focus on it, or those that have at least dialogue or some narration about it.

I will also link in the replies a Twitter thread with fics by other authors!

just this | rated T, 2.8k

“Xie Lian smiles, bright and heartfelt, and oh, here’s that feeling again. I get to have this. Wake up to this. This beautiful thing from my wildest dreams; my most beloved, shining his heavenly light on me.”

or, the first of many moments of intimacy in Paradise Manor.

This one it remains very dear to my heart! It has a big focus since it was my first attempt at exploring this headcanon.

the sunlit altar | rated E, 4.6k

““Since you’ve mentioned it. . . I’ve been thinking,” Xie Lian says softly. He returns to Hua Cheng to grasp his hand, looking resolute. His cheeks are dusted pink, tainted both with embarrassment and the vulnerability of complete trust. “I'd like to try it.””

or, Hua Cheng and Xie Lian's first time on Taicang Mountain.

This is the direct sequel to the first fic but, like all the other fics in the “in your arms (i am loved)” series, it can totally be read as a standalone (it’s even the fourth fic I wrote because writing in chronological order? what’s that)

all yours (all mine) | rated E, 4.8k

Hua Cheng’s eye is dark; hungry as he looks at Xie Lian splayed bare for him, yet a tender adoration too great for words flows alongside it. Xie Lian tries for a moment to understand it, before deciding it doesn’t matter. Whether he does understand it or not, the result tonight will remain the same; they’ll have fun, and it'll make Heaven pale in comparison.

to have and to hold | rated T, 3.9k

“In a flash, Hua Cheng is undressed. Xie Lian’s eyes flick away from the scroll for a brief moment before returning to it, utterly unfazed.

Hua Cheng sits on the bed, poking at Xie Lian’s hand.

Getting no reaction, he takes it, kisses it, then pecks his way along Xie Lian’s arm and, upon reaching his shoulder, adds a bit of teeth. Xie Lian’s eyes remain resolutely set on his scroll, brows furrowing at a line of characters, relaxing at the next.”

or, leisure time at Taicang Mountain cottage doesn't quite go as Hua Cheng had hoped.

in you, i find myself | rated T, 1.7k

“Through the burning flush of his cheeks, Xie Lian thinks for a moment, interrupting his braiding to place a second bead. “So, towards everyone else. . . you’re like me, in some way?””

Big focus on asexuality in this one as it was written for International Asexuality Day! Also, demi Hua Cheng!

rhododendrons | rated M, 2.5k

“Gege, did you know bodies can grow flowers?”

or, Hua Cheng paints Xie Lian a body of flowers.

This is the sequel of another fic in which it’s only mentioned in passing, but reading it isn’t required to understand the sequel! This one also has demi Hua Cheng.

steady love (in a place we know) | rated T, 10.9k

Living and working out of his old van, Xie Lian has always travelled alone. When his best friend suggests they go on a trip together, he enthusiastically agrees—unaware that he's not only about to take Hua Cheng on an unexpected journey, but his own heart as well.

no ice left to break | rated T, 2.6k

““What are you thinking about?” Hua Cheng wondered, reaching out to wipe ice-cream off the corner of Xie Lian’s mouth.

He did it like he does everything else; gently, almost tenderly. As naturally as tugging on Xie Lian’s hand when he wants something, or blowing on a spoonful of broth so Xie Lian doesn’t burn his tongue before offering it to him.

“We should go on a date,” Xie Lian blurted.”

always like this, with you | rated G, 1.4k

Xie Lian sets down his halfway done sweater on his lap, and taps his chin thoughtfully. “So. . . from what you told me back then, you'd be demisexual. . . and I'd be greysexual?”

Obviously very ace focused since this was written for Ace Danmei Week! I wanted to do something different and wrote greyace Xie Lian for this one.

of simple, wondrous things | rated E, 21.1k

In a college that strongly prohibits sex on campus grounds, Xie Lian goes about his studies as a confused spectator of the struggles many students claim to be going through. But when his roommates enter a relationship and sneak out at night to escape the rules, Xie Lian's curiosity on the matter gets the best of him; expecting to be rejected, he contacts Hua Cheng, a sex worker who only accepts new clients by recommendation.

Yet, to Xie Lian's surprise, Hua Cheng doesn't refuse him.

A lot about being ace in there but this time in full story form rather than a short fic! Also has demi Hua Cheng. (as a note, this is not a college au despite what the summary might make you think)

That’s all! For now >:) I hope these fics can bring you as much joy as writing them brought me! <3

#hualian #tgcf #xie lian #hua cheng #asexuality #bee writes #last updated: march2022

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link4eva · 3 years

Text

Kiro’s Rhythm Date Translation [CN]

Hey, y’all! A quick note before you begin reading, I do not know any Chinese at all so Google Translate is the real MVP here. I’ve just taken the time to write down what comes out and changed some words here and there to try and make it make more sense. So apologies for the amateur translation in advance lol. This is just mainly to get the gist of the date before it eventually releases on the ENG server. Hope you enjoy it!

*Spoilers ahead for future content!*

[First Part]

After typing the last word of the report, I hit the enter key hard with my hand and then let out a cry of joy from my heart.

MC: It’s finally done!!!!!

Kiro: You’re finally done!!!!

Almost at the same time, Kiro, who was sitting on the sofa, took off his headset and threw it aside, raising his hands and cheering along with me. The next moment, his twinkling eyes looked at me.

Kiro: MC, let’s go out on a date! I thought for sure that this weekend would be spent working, but it seems that God still cares for us!

He didn’t wait for me to answer, he had already taken a few steps and sat across from me, holding the back of the chair and looking at me expectantly.

Kiro: Let’s go to the cake place that just opened up recently, I want to try it.

He held up his fingers and began to count the deliciousness of his thoughts. I cleared my throat and interrupted his daydream mercilessly.

MC: That’s it! The sunny weather is so nice, shouldn’t we go out and exercise? Savin asked me to supervise you. Recently, you’ve been slacking on your exercise regime to write songs. So...

Kiro: ...I knew it.

He lowered his head and sighed heavily but the happy smile returned in the next second.

Kiro: Let’s just exercise. Life lies in exercise and to enjoy life is to exercise with Miss Chips!

He told me to wait in a tone of voice I had never heard before and got up to change his clothes. I also went to change into sportswear that I had left at his house when we exercised last time.

Putting on my shoes and standing in the hall, I picked up the baseball cap and put it on Kiro’s head. I helped him straighten his messed up bangs.

He led the way down the hallway, but his toes tapped the ground like a beat as if he couldn’t wait.

MC: Make sure you don’t get recognized when we’re out later.

Kiro: Don’t worry, I promise to complete the mission!

Kiro obediently agreed. Before leaving the house, he turned his head and waved at Apple Box lying on the sofa.

Kiro: The task of housekeeping is left to you. We are going out!

I don’t know if Apple Box understood initially. To my surprise, he seemed to understand and replied with a “Woof!”.

[Second Part]

The weather outside was just right. The breeze that is blowing is warm on my face, almost as if it’s driving away the fatigue caused by the long days of work.

I followed Kiro and jogged forward aimlessly. From time to time, he slowed down and stood shoulder-to-shoulder with me, humming as if he had just written a song.

Kiro: MC, are you tired?

As soon as I met his gaze, he couldn’t wait to inquire again and the thoughts in his eyes couldn’t hide.

MC: Although I am a bit tired, I can hold on for a while!

Kiro: Ah, that’s it, but-

He suddenly stopped halfway through his words and a trace of worry flashed across his face. I looked and stopped teasing him for the time being.

MC: Actually, it’s not impossible to rest for an hour or two.

Hearing these words, his eyes lit up.

Kiro: Then let’s rest for “one or two hours”!

He grabbed my hand and walked happily in one direction. The warmth of his palm matched the warmth of his eyes.

MC: Where are we going?

As soon as I asked, after turning a corner, a familiar street appeared in front of us. Tall and lush trees stood, exquisite old-fashioned buildings scattered. There were bustling young men and women and the smell of honey and coffee permeated the air.

--Isn’t this the street that has been very popular recently?!

I immediately caught on to what he was doing. I was amused but also a little annoyed.

MC: Have you planned the route in advance?

Kiro nodded, showing a natural smile.

Kiro: SInce I’m coming with you, of course. I have to plan every step in advance! There is a shop here where you can pick the toppings to put on a chiffon cake. The most popular one is raspberry.

I don’t know whether it was affected by Kiro’s vivid appearance or by the sweet fragrance in the air, Savin’s image slowly came to mind.

MC: It sounds really delicious!

Kiro: Alright then, let’s go! I have already made a reservation!

In a few seconds, I put aside my worries and joined him among the crowds on the street, enjoying the break.

It was a perfect moment, but all of a sudden, an unexpected guest stopped in front of us.

[Third Part]

Reporter: Excuse me, both of you! We are randomly interviewing attractive couples! Can you answer a few questions? *The translation came out as “high-value” so I’m going to assume it means “attractive”.*

The moment I saw the camera, I was already in front of Kiro, looking at this fashionable, young man with vigilance.

MC: Sorry, we’re busy at the moment. You can interview other people.

Reporter: But other people don’t fit the original intention of our “Feast for the Eyes” program! Only a few minutes of your time!

Reporter: Huh? Why does this man look a bit like…?

I had a bad feeling and I stretched out my hand to hold Kiro’s cuff. The next moment, the reporter slapped his thighs one by one--

Reporter: Yep! It’s Kiro!

His voice isn’t loud but it still draws all the eyes around us.

MC: You’ve got the wrong person! Let me trouble you!

I resolutely denied his claim before everyone could react. I immediately pulled Kiro into the crowd and quickly slipped away.

Kiro: (pouting) Why do we always encounter such things when we go out on dates?

In addition to the loud voices behind me asking, “Where’s Kiro?”, there is also Kiro silently complaining.

[Cut to Kiro’s house]

After hurriedly “escaping” back home, my highly elevated heartbeat finally began to calm down.

MC: Safe at last…

Kiro: I didn’t eat anything this time but I burned a lot of calories.

MC: Probably because God is standing on Savin’s side, we can do nothing but accept it!

Kiro: But I don’t want to accept it…

Kiro plopped on the sofa and hugged Apple Box and looked up at me with a sad pair of eyes.

Kiro: Alas, why can’t he make this world just for the two of us! *I had to change some of the wording here. What came out originally was kinda wonky.*

I looked at my phone and found out that what happened just now did not arouse any attention. I felt secretly relieved. Kiro saw this and looked out the window and saw the sun. He sighed.

Kiro: It’s so rare when the weather is this nice. We finally had some time together… It’s a pity not to do anything.

MC: Then let’s do something we can do at home. Perhaps watching a movie?

Kiro: Movies… Are there any good movies recently?

Although he appeared to be uninterested, he still put his head down and browsed the newly released movies with me.

Before I had a chance to look, a furry head squeezed between the two of us and pushed Kiro aside.

Kiro: Apple Box, don’t make trouble… Wait, what are you biting?! Ahh! Let go of my game controller!

Kiro swooped forward and Apple Box dodged swiftly. In the hot pursuit of Kiro chasing Apple Box, he accidentally bumped into some things.

The screen that had just stopped at the movie interface suddenly switched and several dynamic virtual characters appeared. As if drawn to this, Apple Box blinked his beady eyes and looked straight at the TV screen.

Kiro quickly grabbed the other half of the game controller from Apple Box’s mouth and clicked it angrily. Little brains.*I don’t know what “little brains” is haha.*

Kiro: I finally caught you, bad guy!

Apple Box, whose “toy” was suddenly taken away, looked at Kiro innocently. He wiggled his ears aggrievedly. I was softened by his eyes and I reached out to rub his head.

MC: Apple Box, you must be a good boy and not be so rowdy.

Apple Box: Woof!

As if he understood, Apple Box shook his head obediently and his fluffy fur rubbed against the palm of my hand. He then turned around excitedly and wagged his tail at the TV screen.

Kiro and I looked at the dazzling picture on the screen at the same time. The characters on it also writhed in time.

Kiro: Miss Chips, let’s play a motion sensory game!

MC: Why don’t we play this? Sports and leisure combined are great!

Talking in unison, we both laughed out loud. After deciding what to do, Kiro and I sat down on the carpet in front of the TV, choosing a game that we could play for a while. He put his head on my shoulder, expressing his opinions from time to time.

Kiro: I think this game is good! It’s fun!

Kiro’s breathing on my neck was ticklish and I shrank my neck. I watched the screen being manipulated to jump up and down to escape. The character retreated into himself.

MC: This feels too difficult. Let’s look at the next one.

Kiro: It’s not that bad! I set a world record in only one attempt!

He raised the corners of his mouth as he spoke, his expression extremely proud. Although he knew that as KEY, he was skilled at all aspects in the game.

MC: Well, then this game is not challenging for you…!

As if I had seen myself in the game, I decisively switched to the next interface.

Kiro: Eh? I don’t seem to have played this game before…

I was overjoyed when I heard this and made a decision almost immediately.

MC: Then let’s play “Just Dance”!

This is a very popular music and dance game recently. Players can choose different dancer characters to play as. Players have to imitate the people on screen and dance in order to win.

Because this game is simple and easy to use and, and has many popular songs, it has been popular all over the world after it’s release.

MC: Now both of us are novices. This is equal ground!

I gave a controller to him, nodded and said in a serious tone. Kiro raised his chin slightly with a smirk.

Kiro: So, MC, do you want to challenge my status as KEY?

MC: I won’t give up easily!

After that, the game begins.

[Fourth Part]

If I could go back in time by just 10 minutes, I definitely would’ve said something different about the game being “equal grounds”.

MC: What! Jumping wrong again!

The movements the two of us were doing were obviously strange at first. But after a while, we became one with the dance.

MC: Why am I always slow!

Kiro: Don’t worry! Treat this as a novice level and then adapt slowly from there.

MC: Then this newbie level is too difficult for me…

I was bitter. I felt as though my hands and feet were rebelling against me.

Kiro: It’s not difficult as long as you master the basics. For example, this movement here. As long as your hand is raised to this position, you will be guaranteed to pass.

He gestured for me to do the movement that stumped me just now, and I followed suit.

MC: Like this?

Kiro: Almost.

He walked up to me, grabbed my wrist and raised my head, then tilted my head to the other side.

MC: Is this it?

I followed his instructions and turned into ten twisted poses. I found the smile on his face grew wider and wider and he couldn’t help but laugh.

Kiro: Puff hahaha, MC, you are so obedient!

MC: KIRO!

I became annoyed at once. I reached out to try and mess up his hair but he leaned back and dodged me smoothly.

Kiro: I was wrong! I was wrong! I was wrong!

MC: I won’t let you get away!

I kept tickling the sensitive skin on his waist. Kiro dodged from left to right and wrapped me in his arms. He is like a koala. He has me locked firmly in his arms, making it hard for me to move.

Kiro: Haha, so you won’t be able to tickle me!

There was a bit of pride in his laughter and his hot breath after exercising clung to my back, even in my chest. The rhythm of our heartbeats can’t be concealed. My heartbeat somehow increased.

MC: I, I won’t do what I did before again. Let go of me first, or how else can we continue playing the game?

Kiro: Well, alright.

He released his arms, looking reluctant, but turned his attention back to the game again.

Kiro: So this time we will warm up with the easier songs and then challenge each other with the more difficult ones!

I didn’t know what Kiro’s “simple difficulty” meant until the melody of a familiar foreign nursery rhyme played from the speakers. But soon I put the matter of nursery rhymes aside and danced awkwardly with the little dino on screen.

With the cute and cheerful melody, everything becomes more fun. Compared with the previous song, Kiro danced such an overly cute dance. It was a bit strange.

He stared at the screen earnestly, making movements while humming his own jumbled lyrics to the tune of the music.

Kiro: (singing) I’m a little dinosaur~ little dinosaur~

His blonde hair puffed up by the hairband also jumped along with his movements. A sweat bead from his forehead “ticked” off and fell onto his collarbone hidden by his collar.

MC: Obviously I am the little dinosaur!

The “perfect” floating above the screen made my previously annoyed mood become more excited. The magic of the game is to make people forget all their troubles. When I’m with Kiro, these simple dances turn into the simplest happiness.

After the song ended, I watched the rating jump up to four stars. I couldn’t help but hug Kiro and cheer.

MC: Ahh, it’s four stars! Only a little bit short away from getting full stars!!

Kiro: See, that wasn’t so hard for you, was it?

MC: Sure enough, it’s not difficult to master the trick you taught me!

I confidently picked the next song to “conquer” but suddenly saw a familiar name.

MC: Huh, there is this song?

It was a song from Kiro’s latest album. I quickly turned to look at him. However, Kiro frowned slightly while staring at his song, his expression a bit solemn.

Kiro: This song was licensed to them. But I feel that it’s a bit awkward to dance to my own songs in the game.

Seeing him acting unlike his usual self, I felt a sense of curiosity. Even though the “highly difficult” sign made me a little worried, I still pressed the confirm button decisively.

MC: Let’s dance to this song. I want to see if the original dancer can beat the game!

Meeting his gaze, Kiro hesitated for a second and quickly gave in.

Kiro: If you want to dance, MC, you can, but this dance is very difficult. Don’t force yourself to.

MC: Hmm!

Accompanied by the “START” character flashing, the intermingled sound of the electric guitar and keyboard sounded. Kiro held the controller and imitated the people on the screen, raising his hand to make a pose.

Boom--

The powerful drum beats go straight to the heart. Kiro’s face is very serious and every movement that he executes is in rhythm with the music and is full of power.

He stepped barefoot on the carpet, clearly wearing ordinary sportswear, but he seemed to be standing in the centre of the stage.

And in this small living room, me being the only audience, got to “exclusively” enjoy this performance. I don’t know if I should watch him wholeheartedly or if I should continue to clumsily dance with the animation.

While I was lost in thought, I accidentally tripped over my left foot with my right. Seeing that the hand that was swung out was about to hit Kiro, I withdrew it quickly.

I was hit with an elbow

MC: Ouch!

I squatted down, clutching the area I was hit, and buried my head between my knees.

Kiro: MC? What happened?!

He squatted down worriedly in front of me with his arms open. It looked like he wanted to hug me to comfort me but was worried that it would be bad so he stopped midway.

Kiro: What’s wrong? Is your leg cramping?

MC: Just now, I…

I shook my head, thinking of the silly thing I did just now. My ears and face were beet red. Before I had time to explain, Kiro put one hand behind my back and one hand under my knees and lifted me up.

MC: Wait! I can walk by myself!

He denied my protests and placed me gently on the sofa in a few large strides. He slowly lifted up one of my feet and carefully pressed the tight muscles of my calf with the pad of his finger.

Kiro: Does it hurt? Tell me if it hurts.

I forgot to respond. Seeing that I wasn’t saying anything, he slowed his movements down again and became more gentle. The sunset shining from the outside hit the top of his head forming a very gentle glow. It gave me the urge to rub it.

MC: Kiro, I’m fine. I didn’t hurt myself by forcing myself... I was just watching you…

The more I talked, the quieter I became. The temperature of my cheeks rose. After all, it would be too embarrassing to explain that I hit myself while dancing!

It was silent for a few seconds and Kiro finally laughed out loud.

Kiro: I didn’t expect my Miss Chips to be so honest. Now, just look at me.

Kiro raised his hand in a squatting position, and I found myself looking into his gentle blue eyes. When the music hit it’s climax, the drum beat gradually grew faster and got closely intertwined into an airtight net as if the soul is enveloped in it. *Wording was a little weird here. I think it’s supposed to be a heartbeat but the kanji for heart (心) isn’t in the original text.*

Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

Like my heartbeat right now, it's so strong that it’s about to beat out of my chest. Kiro seemed to see right through me and stood up. He supported the back of the sofa with one hand and held my wrist with the other to prevent me from escaping. When his nose came up to meet mine, he rubbed it.

Kiro: MC, I’m curious…

Looking at my bewildered and embarrassed face, he suddenly gave a sly smile.

Kiro: Is the rhythm of your heartbeat the same as mine right now?

His eyes were full of warmth and gentleness. His words were like a poet writing lyrics, a sorcerer chanting a bewitching spell.

Kiro: It is the same as mine. Everytime it beats. It only beats for you.

The breath that belonged to him slowly approached, the music continued playing in the background, and the game on screen kept showing “miss”.

The rhythm of our heartbeats has already been in sync with the beat and sweat. *This last part here was a little wonky with the wording*.

[END]

(Here is the link to his "Strawberry Invitation" call after the date!)

#mlqc kiro #mr love kiro #mr love #mr love game #mr love queen's choice #date translation #i wanna dance with him #i want him to dance for me #and shake dat ass

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kaeyas-beloved · 4 years

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Right To Her Side {Theo x MC/Reader} [Fluff Day]

Summary: Even after years of separation, a good boy named King recognized the smell of Theo’s other Hondje.

Warning(s): None! (Well, technically there’s a tad bit of angst... but it gets fluffy at the end I promise)

Note: This idea slapped me across the face so hard and unexpectedly that I dropped everything just to write the overall idea (because I’m forbidding myself to lose this).

Also, for the sake of this one-shot, King has an extended life too.

Note a few days after initial idea: Might as well turn this into a piece for the Theo Countdown Party. If anything, it aligns nicely with a day that I don’t have a work for a different writing challenge I’m doing (that would be day 5 of Creatober 2020)

~~~

The constant tug of King’s leash kept Theo on his toes, the golden retriever much more hyper on his walk today compared to any other. Leaves of many colours crunched beneath them as they strolled through the streets of 21st century Paris, the sights and sounds both different and similar to the old, 19th century version they were so use to.

As of right now he has everything he could ever wish for, his older brother, Vincent, his not-friend friend Arthur and his job as an art dealer. To most, it was a win-win all around the table when you have family, friends and a job.

Except it wasn’t, far from it actually. Theo didn’t have her - the dumb knabbeltje that stole his heart forever ago and yet still decided to part from his side.

In retrospect, he had no one to blame but himself. If he wanted her to stay he should’ve admitted the feelings that had blossomed during that singular month with her, it would’ve given her a reason not go through that damn time traveling door.

So why the hell didn’t he? Was he actually afraid of rejection?

Another yank from the dog at his hip, his tail wagging happily as he tried to run through a nearby park. Deep sea blue eyes trailed the path his dog wanted to go.

Discovering that it was the usual path that his pup always took when they walked on this road, Theo idly followed King. Without fail the golden retriever always brought him to the entrance of a famous museum - Le Louvre. He never did understand why King came to this particular spot, sniffed and then whined, apparently not finding what he was looking for.

In all honestly Theo would love to browse fine art with his lovable companion, yet unfortunately the museum denied entry to pets.

Sighing deeply the Dutch man crouches to the ground, scratching behind King’s floppy ear.

“Sorry boy, you can’t go in there” the dog tilted it’s head, tongue lolling out before unexpectedly making a beeline for the entrance, knocking Theo to the ground and allowing the leash to slip from his grasp.

Scrambling to his knees, the vampire was just able to witness King rush into the building before disappearing.

“Ah shit...”

Inside, the atmosphere was quiet and calm, like it always is. Many leisurely walked around, stopping whenever a particular art piece caught their eye.

For her though, the painting she gazed at wasn’t because of what it looked like but rather who painted it. Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci.

The Italian man’s name alone opened a whole casket of memories from a few years prior. The time she spent with some of histories greatest figures, where a bond quickly turned from nothing to gold.

Especially with him.

Theodorus van Gogh. He had a larger part of her heart occupied, something more than any of the others would ever get a glimpse of. The rare kindness he showed his friends, the unexpected sweet tooth he possessed (which honestly could border on unhealthy sometimes), the roundabout way he complimented those around him.

And his smile. Oh his smile could melt the coldest of hearts and was even rarer than his kindness. Not his usual, devilish smirk, no, a genuine smile. Something only she got to see the night before she left.

“I’m gonna miss you Hondje”

All these qualities of his left her heart thundering loudly.

“I miss you Theo, every bit of you...” she muttered, intending to hold onto every precious moment she'd shared with him for the rest of her life.

The watch she wore read 5:45PM and she turned to leave the museum, ready to go home for the evening. No doubt will she visit this place tomorrow, the sentiment behind the location strong enough to come back again.

Just as she made it out of the museum the sound of rushing steps bounding towards her caught her attention, a furry friend jumping up and down and barking loudly at her feet in the next second, the owner not far behind.

“Down boy!” he commanded, grabbing hold of the dog’s collar, pulling him down. Swallowing some much needed air, Theo looked up with the intent to apologize for the sudden attack on them when every word died in his throat.

Her name uttered from his lips breathlessly, and her eyes widened, realizing who it was.

“Is it really you Hondje?” he asked, hand coming up to cup her cheek, his touch the most gentle it has ever been. Was he truly able to see her again after centuries of waiting?

“Yeah... yeah it’s me...” she smiled, placing a hand on his chest and another over his larger one.

For the next few heart racing moments the two simply stared into each other’s eyes, it being the only thing they could bring themselves to do, too stunned at the reality right in front of them.

Neither knew who started to inch closer first, perhaps it was a mutual move. Still, the fact stood that after so long their feelings for each other were finally being shown through a slow, passion filled kiss.

Let this be real... please... It was their desperate plea to any god that would listen.

When the need for air grew hard to resist, the pair parted, panting slightly. Bringing his free arm around her waist, Theo tugged the woman of his dreams closer, leaning his forehead against her’s.

“Never leave my side again, got it Hondje?” Despite the underlying harshness in his tone, his eyes portrayed a whole different, stronger, emotion. Love.

“I promise Theo”

Two simple words with the sound of his name and that soft smile he revealed to her before appeared again.

And it certainly wasn’t going to be for the last time as long as he stayed with her, something he planned to do until the day he died.

I hope you enjoyed this! First time writing Theo and I don’t think I did too bad!

#theo countdown party #theo x reader #ikemen vampire #ikevam x reader #ikevamp #ikevam fanfic #ikevam theo #ikemen vampire theo #ikevamp theo #ikemen vamp theo x reader #theo route countdown party

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birdsaesthetic · 3 years

Text

100% Jeller fluff

A/N: This’s another participation for 12 Day of Blindspot that’s being managed by @holidayblindspot . Basically this’s Jeller one-shot where they lazily chat together during the day in a way that’ll definitely make you smile—cuz it’s made me smile. Also, this’s a glimpse of how the two are doing in my head currently: they’re doing great!

Winter Weather.

It’s January and so it’s been snowing out in New York. By the time Jane is done with her meditation session, she expresses thanks to both her mind and body, stretches gently, then walks over, as if drawn by a magnet, toward the fireplace where Kurt is also resting next to on the couch with a book in hand. First she lifts up his legs, which have been stretched out along the couch, leaving no room for her. Then she sits herself instead. And finally she puts back his legs over her thighs and began rubbing them absentmindedly, not directly looking at him.

“How was your session?” He begins, a moment later, to which Jane looks over at him with a warm smile as she replies, “It was successful. And how is this book getting? You haven’t put it down for some hours now!”

Kurt sighs. “It’s getting boring, honestly. But it’s one of these books that you just can’t put down...” Jane nods in acknowledgement to that. “Oh yeah! It must be the arthur writing style that’s making you keep wanting to read then, I’d say?"

“Definitely!” He agrees, while she keeps rubbing his legs in a leisurely pace—almost like lazily doing it. And from her point of view, the book is flat over his chest by now, and he’s wearing a smile that carries so much affection.

“Now after I came, though, you still won’t put the book down?” She mutters, lowering her head and pretending that she’s more focused on massaging his legs, to which he grins. “It’s already down, don’t you see it?” By his index finger he gestures toward the flat book over his chest, and it’s, indeed, down by now.

“But if you mean down on the table, okay then, I’ll put it down on the table! It’s boring after all, and you’re much more fun.” He shifts here and there, groaning, until he’s in a semi-sitting position with Jane’s legs over his thighs this time around. “Bethany would be sitting just right here between us if she was to be here now.” He comments after a bit.

“Oh yeah, just right here between us, probably napping.”

“Probably. And I’d be trying to get her to wake up so she wouldn’t sleep a lot during the day and fuss during the night, but she’d hit me in the face with her fist that’s so little yet surprisingly strong!”

Jane chuckles; this’s happened many times and so she just visualized it happening again. “I miss her so much, and it’s so quiet after she left.”

“I already missed her so much, too, though it has only been a few days since she left...”

“She has that energy that makes everyone around her so delighted!”

Kurt’s smile widens to have heard that; because it’s true. Accurate. Jane continues, though not directly looking at Kurt since she’s leaning her head slightly on his shoulder. “I really love her, so much. Now I might not know how it really feels to have a little, sweet kid like her of my own, but... it must feel the same.”

“Well,” he brings Jane a little closer to him. “If you really wanna know how it really feels to have your own kid? umm—how should I put it?—it feels like your heart grows infinitely wide, and you love your own kid so much in a way that you never thought you were able to love anything in the world the same way.” Jane looks at him, hardly blinking, her attention poured into him as he speaks some more. “It also feels scary and overwhelming sometimes. But the very best part about it all, is when your own kid brings out the best in you, because you will realize, very early, how much that little one needs and deserves the best version of you.”

Jane maintains silent, though her face softens at his choice of words, and so she reaches out a light hand up his shoulder then squeezes it. “Bethany is so lucky to have you, and you’re so lucky to have her.”

“I’m also so lucky to have you.” He rushes out to say, to which she smiles in appropriation.

“You and Bethany are... the family I chose to have by myself—not the family that, as a poor kid, I found myself surrounded with, unwillingly...” He shakes his head, with his eyes closed. “Although my last name is referred to them and my looks are similar to them and we have the same blood, I’ve never been proud of that family. The traumatic time I’d been through back then, almost made me think I’d never have a family that I’d love and be proud of... But it got different—good different—when you I got older, more handsome that I seemed to have attracted you and made you fall in love with me within the first glance,” he attempts levity, and Jane squeezes him at the shoulder a little harder it makes him groan while she laughs, but then she lets him continue. “I mean, I got to choose you to be my wife, you approved, and though Bethany had been a little unexpected—well, a lot unexpected—I can’t imagine our life without her now...” when he trails off, she finishes for him, “It wouldn’t be this vibrant, our life, and have this much love and affection involved in it, and the best in you wouldn’t have gotten out yet.”

He lifts her left hand where the band is settled and kisses it slow, taking his sweet time, before, against her hand, he speaks, “That’s a beautiful way to finish it for me.”

Jane gives him a genuine grin, next he puts some effort into getting her to lay atop of him, but he doesn’t have that much energy, and she’s so lazy herself, so she stays like this: only half atop him, kissing him randomly on each cheeks, on his lips, on his chin, then down his neck, humming as she does so as if she was tasting delicious food. “Humm, the more weight you gain, the warmer and better it feels to hug you and kiss you.”

“Jane, don’t start on that...”

She chuckles against his neck. “Why being touchy, huh? I just emphasized that I love you still even with some extra weight, Kurt—it makes me feel smaller against you when I hug you, cuz you feel warmer and more squishy, like a gait teddy bear.” It actually makes him laugh, shaking and shaking her along with him since she’s atop him, hugging him.

“Every husband in the world would be so happy to hear something like that,”

“I know, right?” She meets his eyes only to tease him, “You’re so lucky to have a wife like me!”

“I know. I said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m so lucky to have you!” He says it loudly, as if an announcement, during which he wraps both arms around her middle much tighter then kisses her.

#blindspot #blindspot fandom #jeller #holidayblindspot #my other fics

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karakozakov · 4 years

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Fic Rec Time!! Pt.4!

Some really great fanfics are here!

I apologize in advance if I’ve already written some of them in my earlier fic rec posts. Also, this post is very long.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Haikyuu!!

national hot dad alliance is now calling... by dicaeopolis, owlinaminor

Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Bokuto Koutarou/Akaashi Keiji, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Kozume Kenma, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Tendou Satori

Words: 58214 | Chapters: 6/6

Sawamura Daichi: What the fuck.

(Or, the captains' squad interactions that definitely happen outside of canon, presented in Skype chat form.)

the dream that wakes you up by rarepairenabler

Relationship: Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru

Words: 38,277 | Chapters: 9/9

Oikawa’s offering a repeat performance of that night, the night that Kuroo’s been replaying in his mind ever since it happened. Fuck.

“You’re not that good,” Kuroo argues weakly but Oikawa looks like he knows he’s already won.

“I am that good.” There isn't a single trace of doubt to it. His confidence would be nauseating if Kuroo didn’t know firsthand that there was good reason for it. Oikawa laughs and outstretches his hand to Kuroo. “So what do you say, Kuroo? Do we have a deal?”

Kuroo sighs before offering a resigned grin. He takes Oikawa’s hand and shakes it firmly. “When do we get started?”

((Pretend Dating AU))

In Another Life by LittleLuxray

Relationship: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

Words: 22,995 | Chapters: 1/1 | Warning: Major Character Death

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

Personal Notes: This is very angsty and you all can have it with Bokuaka. Check Nero’s art too!!

the inherent eroticism of coordinating schedules by mozaikmage

Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi, Oikawa Tooru & Ushijima Wakatoshi

Words: 15,447 | Chapters: 2/2

Tetsurou Kuroo, Editor-in-Chief of the college lit mag "Langue de Chat," thinks the lit mag and the Flying Crows Dance Crew should do an inter-club collaboration. Dance Crew captain Daichi Sawamura isn't sure how that's going to work. Meanwhile, the Environmental Club and Anime Club butt heads over a scheduling conflict involving the school auditorium.

An AU in which all of the Haikyuu!! volleyball teams are instead different school clubs at one university.

Impulse by Metis_Ink

Relationship: Shirabu Kenjirou/Semi Eita

Words: 15,075 | Chapters: 1/1

Semi’s not sure how subtle the team is trying to be, but there must be some ungodly conspiracy pointed against him. It’s working in the sense that Semi is half aware that maybe this rivalry with Shirabu is a lot more troublesome than it seems, but really, that’s all he's getting.

Second year Semi Eita faces the downward spiral that is his life following the arrival of some first year setter who's way too cocky for his own good.

The Five Stages Of Grief by Finnis

Words: 17,150 | Chapters: 5/5

Set of 100 drabbles, Haikyuu!! cast-centric (especially Shiratorizawa). 5 sets of 20.

Shirabu howls in pain as he regards both Tendou and Goshiki with his lethal stare that could probably outmatch Medusa. “Are you both fucking thick?” He asks incredulously, not expecting an actual answer.

Tendou grins, waggling his eyebrows, and playfully slaps his thigh. “Obviously.”

The PDA jar by orphan_account

Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

Words: 10,480 | Chapters: 1/1

“What is that thing for?”

“I’m glad you asked, captain. This… is the Public Display of Affection jar. Or PDA jar for short.”

“Now whenever you do something that may hurt our children’s innocence, you’ll have to put money in the jar as a punishment."

greek tragedy by ineedmygirl

Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Futakuchi Kenji/Tsukishima Kei, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi

Words: 89,720 | Chapters: 3/3

“I’m Tsukishima Kei, from the Athena cabin.”

Kuroo blinked at him a few times, before cautiously taking Tsukishima’s pale, slender hand into his own much larger, much broader and tanner hand. He had scars and callouses that didn’t come from games of capture the flag.

“Kuroo.”

He didn’t say who his parent was.

or, Tsukishima had seen everything there was to see at Camp Half Blood. That is, until Kuroo Tetsurou fell out of the sky.

The Star-Crossed Voyage by Stacysmash

Relationship: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

Words: 109,134 | Chapters: 11/11

As private investigators, Akaashi and Bokuto hardly ever have time for a vacation, no matter how much they need one. After successfully handling an investigation for the wealthy Oikawa Tooru, they're invited on board his yacht for a leisurely three-day cruise with several other guests. Instead of relaxation, however, what they receive is the case of a lifetime.

hachiko by owlinaminor

Relationship: Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru

Words: 12,683 | Chapters: 1/1

Agreeing to watch Iwaizumi's dog for the summer was a bad idea. Not because Oikawa Tooru is a bad caretaker (he isn't), but because of this asshole he keeps running into.

All this time, I have been yours by cathgotyourtongue

Relationship: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Iwaizumi Hajime/Sugawara Koushi

Words: 8,710 | Chapters: 1/1 | Warning: Major Character Death, Mature Content

Iwaizumi Hajime struggles through the Five Stages of the Hanahaki Disease.

Just a Taste by volleydorkscentral

Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei

Words: 213,084 | Chapters: 41/41 | Warning: Mature Content

“If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen,” is a popular saying… heat, however, is the least dangerous thing one should worry about in a kitchen. Between the fire, sharp utensils, red hot pans, the Mandolin God, and lunatic co-workers, Kuroo has his work cut out for him when he returns home from Paris after nine years to open his own restaurant. He’s determined to show off — ahem, to demonstrate all that he’s learned at the helm of world renowned chefs in Michelin Star kitchens.

Bokuto Koutarou tends to have more passion than sense. He joins Kuroo’s brigade on a whim after nearly slicing his hand off… and realizes just how much knowledge he’s actually lacking. He’s worked in kitchens his entire life, but none like Kuroo’s kitchen so, with excitement and trepidation, he throws himself into his work with Kuroo. And when he meets a lovely model named Akaashi, he decides to use his new found knowledge to help Akaashi fall in love with him. After all, the fastest way to a man’s heart is his stomach — right?

I'm sorry by BlazingNerz

Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

Words: 6,836 | Chapters: 1/1 | Warnings: Major Character Death

Atsumu didn’t really know when it all started, he just knew he was different. The urges-- They drove him. And did the same for his friends as well. Red, that’s what they would see when they snap, the sound around them would disappear and the background around them faded until their target is the only object clear in their line of sight. The urge grows and grows, their anxiety grows until it is unbearable. Their palms would itch, eyes would twitch and could barely process a thought, they have to do something about it.

So they do.

Atsumu knew that him and his friends weren’t normal, but he didn’t question it. They had a system and it worked, now if only their damn partners would get off their backs. -------------

Aka Atsumu and his friends just try to live normal lives while suffering with a mental illness that urges them to kill

True Colors by DeathBelle

Relationship: Semi Eita/Tendou Satori

Words: 52,243 | Chapters: 11/11 | Warning: Explicit

Semi has danced at so many clubs that he hardly even notices a difference when he moves from city to city. It's always the same crowds no matter where he goes, and he always has to share a stage with the same backstabbing assholes. That's just how the club scene works, and he knows Plumage won't be any different.

Except instead of talking shit and sabotaging him, the dancers at Plumage initiate a different sort of harassment that involves repeated attempts to befriend him and non-optional invitations out to dinner. It's almost worse this way, because at least in the past, Semi had known what to expect.

The worst of them all is Tendou Satori, who is unrelenting in his pursuit of friendship, despite how many times Semi shoots him down. Tendou is obnoxious and never learned the art of taking a hint, and despite his best efforts, Semi gradually finds himself hating Tendou's company less and less. It's a perilous slope, and Semi keeps sliding.

The Piano Man's Elegy by SadLesbianPrincess

Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi

Words: 81,295 | Chapters: 27/27 | Warning: Explicit

Tooru Oikawa, at twenty-four years old, is hailed as one the greatest concert pianists of all time. So when he is forced by extenuating circumstances to give up his career as a pianist, he spirals into hopelessness and confusion. Then, the day after his last concert, he runs into Hajime Iwaizumi--the best friend and lover who he thought was dead for six years. Upon their unexpected reunion, Tooru finds himself thrown into a complicated, emotional web of unrequited love, redemption, longing, and secrets. Things only get more complicated when he meets Hajime's detective partner, the stoic and earnest Wakatoshi Ushijima, and he has to navigate a new world of beauty, pain, and his own selfishness.

Personal Notes: This is heckin’ angsty and has one of the most beautiful writing styles I’ve ever seen. There’s also a sequel told through Kageyama’s POV!

The Daddy of All Lists by bloo_balloon

Relationships: Semi Eita/Tendou Satori, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Words: 1,917 | Chapters: 2/? | Warning: Work in progress

In which four tired RAs proceed to have a collective brain aneurysm over the boldness, stupidity, ingenuity, extreme thirst and party antics of their dormmates.

Birthed from their pain and suffering is a list of simple, easy to follow dorm rules.

Ladies and gentlemen, The List™. The Daddy of All Lists™.

Personal Notes: This story cracked me up

Eggplant Party by extrastellar

Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio ,Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Goshiki Tsutomu/Kawanishi Taichi, Kuguri Naoyasu/Numai Kazuma, Onaga Wataru/Suzumeda Kaori, Shirabu Kenjirou/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Daishou Suguru/Yamamoto Taketora, and many many more - Relationship

Words: 81,904 | Chapters: 64/66 | Warning: Work in progress

When Yamaguchi Tadashi decided to follow his senpais' example and created a group chat with the intention of friendly texting about school and volleyball, he didn't expect things to proceed quite like that. With all the first years put together, chaos, memes and shenanigans ensue.

Personal Notes: I know some of you don’t like chatfics but I promise this one’s fun!

Happier With You by Stacysmash

Relationship: Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi

Words: 24,370 | Chapters: 1/1 | Warning: Explicit

Kuroo loves his job as a live-in tutor, even if the kid can be a little sharp-tongued. The position came with many side-benefits like having a great place to stay and work on his thesis so he can finally graduate. Unfortunately, the biggest perk was also his biggest problem: the kid's hot father, Sawamura Daichi. Between checking him out when he's not looking or battling him with witty banter, Kuroo finds his heart running away with him. Luckily for him, he's not the only one...

Personal Notes: I think y’all know by now I love Stacysmash’s works

All Your Diction Dripping With Disdain by mozaikmage

Relationship: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei

Words: 12,853 | Chapters: 2/2

"Tsukishima Kei’s 220-character Facebook bio reads: “Don’t talk to me.” There’s an invisible footnote appended to it that says “except if you’re a volleyball teammate or are working on a project with me or something”, but for everyone else it says “don’t talk to me.”

So when Kuroo Tetsurou messages him about something he commented in a Facebook group, Kei screenshots his bio, highlights that sentence, and sends it back to him."

AU in which tsukki is unreasonably popular in a specific part of Facebook and then things happen

originally titled "Everything is Tsuffering"

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cheri-translates · 4 years

Text

[CN] Lucien’s Revelation Date (Eng Translation)

🍒Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers!🍒

Note: I translated this because Lucien hasn’t been given much love on this blog 😂 I’ve actually been struggling to pin down his personality, much less like him as a character. This date seems to the most recent release on the CN server, so I thought it’d be helpful in the creation of future text post memes to properly sit down and understand his psyche.

I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did! I hope you will too. Without further ado, please enjoy this rare Lucien content!

A week ago, MC found out that when Lucien was still studying in the UK, he rented a small farmhouse in Hampshire which has a large manor adjacent to it. The lease expired, so Lucien needed to handle the cancellation matters in person. Given this opportunity to travel, MC happily tagged along.

At present, it is the second day that MC and Lucien are at the farmhouse. They have woken up especially early to make a sumptuous English-style breakfast.

When MC thinks that she is more or less done, Lucien comments that MC has missed the most important thing – milk tea. He takes out a small pot and pours two cups of water into it.

Lucien: Come, let me teach you how to make milk tea.

MC: Eh?

Both of Lucien’s hands encircle my waist from behind, wrapping me in his arms.

MC: … But I know how to make milk tea.

My small refutation is completely ignored. He lowers his head and plants his chin on my shoulder, leaning on me even more.

Lucien: The first step to making milk tea is to put the tea leaves in after the water has boiled.

After a while, bubbles start surfacing in the small pot. Lucien places a paper bag of black tea in my hands. He holds my hand and gently pours some leaves into the pot.

Lucien: Now, we need to wait patiently for a while.

As soon as the tea leaves make contact with the water, a light aroma permeates the air. I lean on Lucien while looking around the farmhouse with curiosity.

Even though Lucien hasn’t been here for a very long time, it appears that someone has been maintaining the place. The furniture is clean, and the flowers displayed at the windowsill are fresh.

MC: Lucien, when did you rent this place?

Lucien: After I graduated. I was doing some research back then and needed a place where I could concentrate on writing my thesis, so I rented to this place.

He explains that there a housekeeper has been tending to the home, which is why it is still in such a clean condition.

Considering the peaceful atmosphere and how leisurely they have been spending their time at the manor, Lucien jokes and says it’d be great if they could live such a life every day, and that early retirement doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

After breakfast, MC suggests that they spend the rest of their morning drinking tea and reading books in the attic. Lucien thinks it is a good idea, but says he needs to find something important first.

It turns out that “something important” is a time capsule – two envelopes that MC and Lucien had written a while back when they visited a bookstore. They were asked to randomly pick questions related to their emotions, answer them in a letter, and then leave it in the bookstore for safekeeping. They bring the envelopes to the attic.

MC: I remember the bookstore mentioning that we could collect our time capsules after 99 days, right?

Lucien: They did give me a call, but it happened during the time our relationship changed. I should have given them your contact details, but I was selfish. I requested that they send the letters to this address. It was to prevent me from opening your letter… and to give myself a chance. If there was ever a chance for us to return to this place, I would want to open my letter in front of you.

His voice is calm as he gives me a brief overview of what happened. After saying this, he smiles and takes a sip of hot tea. I smile gently while looking at him.

It is like having two people insist on going opposite directions, painstakingly treading through an arduous winding path, only to realise that the goal was always right there. So there’s nothing else they can do but look at each other, laugh in resignation, and quietly berate each other for being the silly one.

MC: … Back then, the reason why I insisted on us writing our letters was because I wanted to see your response too.

After all, being with him meant that I had to rationalise many little emotions I had. I had to assuage my own worries, and get used to sudden bouts of longing.

Lucien is the most difficult problem I have ever encountered. He perplexes my mind. I always end up eagerly hoping that he can give me an answer.

Seeing that I have become quiet, Lucien takes my hand in his, his low voice radiated by sunlight.

Lucien: I shall reveal the answer to you.

We open our envelopes at the same time.

I take out the question card that I had randomly picked, which had been folded several times as I was afraid Lucien would sneak a peek at it.

Written in fancy fonts on the exquisite card was the question: What did he/she teach you?

I arch my neck in curiosity, only to find that Lucien had gotten the exact same question.

He calmly takes out his letter, and on it is just three words. His penmanship reflects how the answer required little thinking.

MC: “Lack of freedom”…

After reading those three words aloud, Lucien laughs lightly.

Lucien: Why are you reading it in such a somber tone? When I was writing the answer, I didn’t mean it to be unhappy at all. Although after knowing you, I experienced being perplexed about things I had never been perplexed about in my life, for example…

He considers it solemnly, and I unconsciously stare at him, making sure to etch into my heart every sentence that comes out of his mouth.

He lets out a small sigh before laughing to himself.

Lucien: For example, what to have for lunch and dinner.

MC: Huh?

I am left stunned at his unexpected words.

Lucien: Another example would be how I can’t help but notice the flowers of Spring, the rain in Summer, the leaves in Autumn, and the snow in Winter. Another example would be how I feel perplexed when watching a good movie alone, and feeling a need to share interesting things I find with someone. The strangest thing is, even my private time is becoming less and less interesting.

During his slow-paced explanation, Lucien’s eyes carry with it a smile as he watches me and my expression as it morphs from puzzlement to amazement.

Lucien: Is my way of thinking strange?

MC: Well… In my eyes, you’re always…

I can’t seem to find suitable words to use. Rational? Strong?

MC: You look like… You wouldn’t have the same troubles as me.

Lucien captures the hesitation in my eyes, and asks seriously.

Lucien: “The same troubles”… What do you mean by that?

He uses a slow tone of voice mixed with a smile. Evidently, the real answer to this question is clear. I am about to make a joke, but sensing the anticipation in his eyes, I can’t help but tell him what is in my heart.

MC: It means no matter who you meet, what circumstances you face, where you go, you wouldn’t involuntarily think of a particular person. This kind of involuntary… lack of freedom.

Lucien: … [laughs lightly]

A leisurely smile hangs on Lucien’s lips, and he looks up at the roof. A soft white cloud is reflected in his eyes, melding with his violet, creating a sense of tranquility and brilliance.

Lucien: Yes, they are indeed the same troubles.

At this moment, I slowly reveal my own sheet of paper. Coincidentally, there are also only three words written on it.

Lucien: “Having no fears.”

After Lucien reads the three words aloud, I can’t help but laugh.

MC: Why are you using such a melancholic tone? Are you worried that I was feeling wronged when writing this answer?

Lucien doesn’t speak, but his slightly raised eyebrows reveal that this was indeed his initial thoughts towards my words.

MC: Far from it. Back then, I was thinking that no matter what we face in the future, I would be willing to face it.

I pause for two seconds, worried that I was speaking too gravely. I flash Lucien a silly grin.

MC: Well… Basically there’s nothing worth being frightened of, and I’ll be fine when faced with anything.

My relaxed tone causes Lucien’s eyebrows to crease. He avoids my inquisitive gaze and seems to be deep in thought. In the end, he responds with his usual smile.

Lucien: There is still some milk tea left, shall we bring it up?

My instincts tell me that his understanding of what I said was different from what I actually meant. I hurriedly reach out and stop him, wanting to make crystal clear what is in my heart.

Lucien: What’s wrong?

Lucien gently tucks a stray hair behind my ear and looks at me with his usual warmth.

Lucien: Is there anything else we should bring to the attic?

I hold onto his face and look directly into his eyes.

MC: When I say that I’m not afraid, I don’t simply mean not being afraid to open up to you. I mean that I’m not afraid of anything. I’m not afraid of the secrets you keep, and I’m not afraid of accepting the real you. I’m not afraid to stand with you to overcome setbacks and difficulties. And I’m not afraid of the responsibilities and costs that come with being together with you. It doesn’t matter what it is. Being able to meet you, being able to have this moment... It is enough for me.

I say all of this in one breath, and realise that my heart rate has accelerated quite a bit.

Actually, these words should have been said a long time ago. I should have told him everything that was on my mind once I was certain of my feelings…

Just like the answers that were hidden in the envelopes, my words were long overdue.

Lucien looks at me quietly, his eyes expressing shock - something I have never seen before.

A warm, bittersweet aroma wafts out of the cup, permeating the air.

After a moment of silence, he gently frowns.

Lucien: Am I a supervillain in your eyes? Why does being with me require you to summon so much courage to overcome challenges, to bear costs and consequences… Is being with me really that difficult?

He reveals a troubled expression.

Lucien: I even thought what you meant by not having fears was that you did not have the same fears as I do.

He pretends to be secretive, dragging the last few words of his sentence. I can only respond by playing along and probing further.

MC: “Not having the same fears”… What do you mean by that?

All of a sudden, Lucien pulls me into his arms, lowering his voice and speaking into my ear. His voice sounds like a cloud, gently spreading across my heart, shining like sunlight after rain.

Lucien: It means not being afraid of anything when you are with me.

#mlqc #mlqc lucien #love and producer #didn't expect his date to make me feel things #mlqc spoilers #mlqc cn

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sugarplumfairy98 · 3 years

Text

2.1.2021

Hello guys! I'm sorry for not being active for quite a while. I took an unexpected hiatus after the death of a family member due to covid back in December. While I was not close to this uncle, my mental health still took a toll and it was pretty difficult to focus on too many things, even things that I enjoy. Things have been improving slowly over the last few weeks though and I thought I'd give y'all a brief update.

For the last month, I have been doing a lot of journaling in my hobonichi. I am actually quite proud of a few spreads and may eventually share them with you guys because they're pretty fucking cute.

For the last two weeks I've been obsessed with Outlander. Both the television series and the novels. It's the first time in nearly 4 years that I've actually picked up a book for leisure reading and enjoyed it. I went a little bit nuts and ordered the first two novels because I can really see myself sticking with them.

Over the past week, I've fallen back in love with Stardew Valley. I'm not even exaggerating. There's something about Stardew Valley that's just so wonderful and makes my little heart just 💗💓💗. I've begun writing a stardew fanfic. It's my first time doing creative writing for fun in nearly 8 years. I am so happy and so proud of what I have so far, even if it's in need of heavy editing.

I feel as if all of this has really been helping me with my mental health as of late and I'm hoping to get back to regular posting very soon. In the meantime, enjoy a picture of my cute stationery!

#text #personal #update #cw covid mention

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softestgentlest · 4 years

Text

Lily & Harry - high school fanfic

Harry Styles.

Harry fucking Styles.

An egotistical, quick witted asshole with a silver tongue and easy charisma.

He's also irritatingly privileged; not only is he filthy fucking rich, but he's also extraordinarily intelligent, and to top it all off, positively, mercilessly, despicably gorgeous. As if he wasn't already dealt the winning hand, his otherworldly physical attractiveness afforded him the freedom to do whatever the hell he pleased, whenever, and wherever he wanted to do it.

And, of course, in some cruel twist of fate, he most often chose to utilize his influence by victimizing me: Lillian Mercier, a quiet, harmless junior, whose sole desire is to graduate ASAP, so I can move onto Cambridge University by the Fall of next year.

I'm on track to receive my diploma a year early, according to my guidance counselor, but I've got to keep my GPA above a 3.8 at least, if I have any hope of getting admitted into my uni of choice.

My mind is humming, sifting through upcoming exams, assignments, papers that need writing, and a number of other priorities as I open up my locker.

I'm just pulling out my SAT prep book, when a series of excited murmurs echo through the crowded hallway. A girl a few feet away turns, whispering to her friend, "I think my ovaries just exploded, dude. Look at Harry's haircut."

I roll my eyes, swapping the prep book with the AP English text that's currently weighing down my bag. I try to focus on my mental "to do" list, but I'm now annoyingly in-tune with the girl's conversation, unable to block them out.

"I know! How could he have gotten even hotter? And look at his outfit...like, he can literally make anything look good."

"Oh my goooodd dude, he's graduating this year. I honestly think I'll die, like, he's the only thing that makes this school tolerable."

"Shhhh, they're coming over here."

The girls go quiet, and I tense, keeping my eyes trained on the interior of my locker. Harry will be graduating at the end of the year, as he's a senior, and with that knowledge, I feel intensely relieved.

Even if I can't graduate early, he'll be gone, and I'll actually be able to enjoy my senior year.

A smile plays across my lips as I stretch to reach the top shelf of my locker, standing on my tippy toes. I'm 5'3, and these lockers were clearly built by men of average height, with little to no regard for high schoolers of smaller statures.

I know I threw some flash cards up there in the rush to make the bus yesterday, but even when I step up and onto the metal base of my assigned storage space, I still can't seem to-

I gasp, as I lose my footing and fall backwards. Luckily - or, maybe unluckily - my fall is broken by something solid. I hear a soft grunt, and large hands grip my waist, steadying me.

I pant, pressing a hand to my racing heart, when I feel something soft brush against the sensitive shell of my ear, "good morning to you too, clumsy."

I shiver, and pull away, immediately recognizing that deep, accented voice as it burns hotly into my skin.

Do not engage, I mentally remind myself, forcing my trembling hands to occupy themselves with the contents of my backpack.

He tssks, clicking his tongue, "Aren't you going to thank me?"

"Thanks." I concede through gritted teeth.

He chuckles, leaning too close for comfort once again, "it was my pleasure, Lillian." His voice drops an octave on the word 'pleasure,' giving it an unnecessarily sexual undertone, if only to get under my skin.

At the corner of my vision, I see his shadowed silhouette as he leans against the locker beside mine, tall and domineering as ever.

I ignore his presence, slowly zippering up my bag, and securing my lock, before reluctantly turning to face him.

The first thing I notice is the lack of hair. What had once been long, lustrous, chocolaty curls, is now shortened gossamer strands of hair falling over his forehead in a provocative, untidy tumble. The new cut exposes his defined jawline, and those sharp, light catching cheekbones.

As usual, he's dressed to the nines, somehow managing to make his unexpected attire look effortlessly appealing. Today, he's clad in a strange mix of professional, and bohemian pieces: a blue and white checkered wool jacket, a dark pinstriped suit, a red beaded necklace. He's got on bright pink socks, and white loafers, and his signature assortment of rings.

I clear my throat when he catches me checking him out, "Harry, I didn't know you could sew."

He looks perplexed, considering my assumption with furrowed brows, "I can't."

"Oh, then I suppose it was your mother who made that jacket from one of her tablecloths?"

He tilts his head to one side, and runs his fingers roughly through his freshly cut curls, "this," he snarks, smoothing his hands down the woolen fabric, "is a $2,000 jacket, love."

I roll my eyes, hitching my bag over my shoulder, and turn to walk away, only to come face to face with Mitch and Nick, two of Harry's equally asinine friends.

"Excuse me." I prompt. The two boys ignore me, smirking over my head at their scumbag leader.

I huff, turning back around, knowing full well that they aren't going to do anything unless he commands it. "I don't have time for this, Harry." I cross my arms, pursing my lips in annoyance, "I'm gonna be late to class, and so are you."

His mouth curves dangerously, drawing my attention to the pillow-soft push of his lips. "And we wouldn't want that, now would we, Lillian?" he pronounces my name so that it drips from his shapely lips leisurely, provocatively. "What with your big plans to graduate early."

Immediately, I recoil, meeting his expectant stare with wide eyes, "H-how...?"

"Oh, you thought I wouldn't find out?" He pushes off the lockers, Stepping closer, "did you know that you're GPA is just .01 points less than mine?" His voice is honeyed, sickeningly sweet - it sets off warning bells in my head.

I swallow nervously, taking a small step backwards, "I don't see what that has to do with my plan-"

"Oh, but it has everything to do with your plans." Again, he advances, but this time I hold my ground, tilting my head to meet his stare, "you see, we weren't competing before...not really. But, if you graduate ahead of your class and maintain that same GPA, well...Cambridge won't even look at me, regardless of my achievements, because you'll have the edge."

I blink, processing his words, "You want to go to Cambridge...?"

He quirks a dark brow, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement.

I'm dumbfounded, "But...but I-you...but-that's just ridiculous!" I nearly stomp my foot at the sheer absurdity of the notion, but opt to clench my fists at my sides instead.

He looks utterly amused, and leans a bit closer, a challenge in his eyes: "is that right?"

"Why would you want to go to Cambridge?!" I note how whiny my voice sounds, but I'm too distressed to care.

He's full on grinning now, his emerald eyes dancing with glee. "wouldn't you like to know" He purrs in that slow, sexy drawl, his voice dropping so low that it can only be heard by the two of us.

It is then that the bell rings, shrill and disruptive, tearing me from his trance-like stare.

I realize how close we've gotten, our faces perhaps six inches apart. I can feel the warmth of his body radiating off of him and wrapping around me. Before I can stop myself, I inhale his intoxicating scent: spicy and earthy and masculine, like cigarettes and pine and the leather spines of old books.

For a fraction of a second, my eyes slip shut...he smells so damn good.

Then, just as quickly, I blink, and step back, my heart racing in my chest. I did NOT just...

He straightens, raking his eyes over my trembling frame with an air of affected smugness. Silently, he steps the side, watching me as I collect myself, an embarrassing blush infusing my cheeks.

Slowly, I move down the hallway towards my class, uncharacteristically unconcerned with the possibility of being marked tardy. I can tell that he's following, as students all around turn to stare behind me. We're in the same English class.

My brain seems to have gone into overdrive, conjuring up insane reasons for why I'd smelled him and liked it enough to consider doing it again. Impossible. Harry's a prick. The bane of my existence. Sure, he's wildly attractive, but never have I ever been even remotely interested in him...sexually. So what the hell was that?

Why am I all hot and blushing and trembly? Why?! Especially after he'd dropped the Cambridge bomb! I mean, really? Of all the schools for him to choose, it had to be my dream school. And of the thousands of people I'll be competing with to be admitted, it just had to be him.

Harry's one of the smartest people I've ever met, and he's got the resources and connections to get into any school he wants. The chances of two kids from the same high school getting into Cambridge are absolutely zero, and whether I graduate early or not, Harry's a shoe in for a spot there - he's the ideal student: rich and intelligent and driven, with a shit ton of community service and extracurriculars under his belt, and with a number of published poems and short stories.

He'll take my spot there just by aiming his perfect white grin in the right direction. And if we were both admitted, by some miracle, that would be even worse! 6 more years with him?! I'd die. I couldn't take it. I'd-

"Ah!" I gasp, colliding with a tall boy for the second time today. My books fly out of my arms again, and I fall flat in my ass with a soft yelp of pain.

"Woah! Are you ok?" A voice asks, and I glance up to find a familiar blonde boy looking down at me.

"Um, y-yeah." I say, quickly moving to stand up. Like a gentleman, he reaches down, offering me a hand, and I take it, allowing him to pull me gently to my feet. "Uh, sorry about that. I wasn't paying attention..." I smile sheepishly,

"Oh, no, it's totally fine." He grins back, then kneels down to pick up my books. "As long as your ok."

"Really, I'm fine." I giggle, kneeling down to help. "Your Neil, right? I think we have psych together?"

He hands me my things, standing up, "close! It's Niall, and yeah, 6th period right?"

I nod, "Niall. Yeah, I'm Lily. I'm the one always shouting out the answers and then getting yelled at." I giggle nervously, feeling a little self conscious around this boy with pretty blue eyes and a kind smile.

He laughs, "well, I'm definitely not one to shout out answers. I'm terrible at Psych." He gestures for me to walk with him, and I do, "I'll walk you to your class, just to make sure your alright."

I roll my eyes playfully, but follow, "I already ran into you. Don't let me be the reason that your late to class too."

I lead the way to the English wing, and we joke lightly about our Psych teacher, Mrs. Campbell. By the time we've arrived, the bell has rung, and I know that he's going to be late because of me, but he doesn't seem to care.

"Hey," he calls out, just as I'm about to open the door to my classroom, "maybe you could tutor me sometime? In Psych? You always seem to be yelling the right answers, and I could really use the help..." he rubs the back of his neck nervously, and I can't help but smile at how cute he looks.

"It's the least I can do after running into you." I say, "let's talk in class later?"

"Yeah, sure!" He backs down the hallway, "I'll see you then, Lily!"

When I enter the classroom, there's still a smile on my face, and I quietly make my way to an empty seat in the back. My teacher, Mr. Gray, shoots me an inquisitive look, since I'm not one to show up late to my favorite class, but he doesn't call me out on it.

"Alright guys," he says, "while I was reading you essay submissions from last week, I noticed quite a few spelling errors, so I thought we might have a little bit of a...spelling bee today, just to see where we all stand when it comes to commonly misspelled words." The class groaned collectively, and he laughed, "nothing to worry about. This won't count for a grade, I just want a chance to see where everyone stands. It'll be fun!"

Mr. Gray proceeded to split the class into two groups, and two at a time, he called students up to the board, and in tournament fashion, the winner played the winner from the opposite team. I could tell that he was saving certain students for the end, since they would likely beat out all the competition, thereby depriving their teammates of turns. By the time it got to me, only a few students were left on the opposing team.

"Ok, Kim," he called to my competitor, "your word is Accidentally" Kim correctly spelled two words, and then swapped out with another teammate, Jamie, who only beat me on one word.

"Alright, this is it, guys. Last two. Harry, join Lily up front."

Immediately, my eyes found him, just as the rest of the class turned to watch him rising from his seat. He took a step towards me. Then another. I sort of shivered, watching him move, observing his long legs, slowly closing the space between us with their every measured step. There's something almost feline about it - the way he moves - very masculine...and very...sexual, if that makes any sense at all.

I averted my eyes as he took up the space beside me. Again, the drowsy scent of books and pine with undertones of coffee and tobacco invaded my senses, and I felt my knees threatening to buckle.

"Harry, your word is 'allegiance'"

I felt him smiling, tasted his smooth baritone, skating hotly down my spine: "A-L-L-E-G-I-A-N-C-E. Allegiance."

"Lily, controversy."

I spelled it correctly and held my breath, gazing stubbornly straight ahead.

"Harry, 'immediately.'" He did the same.

"perseverance"

"Accommodate"

"I-N-T-E-L-L-I-G-E-N-C-E, Intelligence." I glanced over at Harry, noting the look of intense boredom on his face as he stared off into the distance. Clearly, this was too easy for both of us.

"Too easy is it, Lillian?"

"Uh, w-what?" I snapped out of my reverie, glancing at Mr. Gray, who looked rather amused.

"If you think it's too easy, we can really put you two to the test. What do you think class?" Mr. Gray looked around, and the class erupted into excited giggles and shouts.

Realizing my mistake, I felt my cheeks flush hot with embarrassment, "oh I-I didn't m-mean to say that um...out loud sir..."

The damage had already been done. Mr. Gray grinned, clearly excited to have piqued the class's interest, "alright then, let's try....sacrilegious."

Harry, looking rather more alert than he had before, turned to look at me, holding my stare even as each honeyed letter fell from his lips "S-A-C-R-I-L-E-G-I-O-U-S" the flecks of gold in his eyes danced, embers crackling, glittering.

"Conscientious, Lily."

"Oh, um..." I quickly averted my gaze, glancing nervously at my trembling fingers, "C-O-N..." my heart wobbled in my chest. What's comes next? "...S-C-I-E-N-T-I-O-U-S, Conscientious." I want this to be over...

Harry chuckled beside me, low and slow. I felt his eyes on me. "bureaucratic." He spelled, quick as a whip, and all eyes were back on me.

"Bourgeoisie." Amidst the nerves and exhaustion, my stubbornness gave way to another correct answer. I won't lose to him. Not this, not Cambridge.

He managed "clairvoyant," "coalescence," and "kaleidoscope." I got through "lachrymose," "mnemonic," and "pharmaceutical," and then, finally, he messed up.

I heard it in his voice first, knew before it happened that I had won. Mr. Gray - once again proving himself to be my favorite teacher- threw "triskaidekaphobia" at Harry, and we both froze.

"T-R-I-S-K....A-D-E-K-A-P-H-O-B-I-A." Harry murmured uncertainly, sounding just as breathless as I felt. The class had gone silent, and I could hear my heart racing.

"Incorrect." Mr. Gray uttered, but before the class could erupt into cheers, he continued, "let me just say, Harry, Lily, that was extraordinary. Really, very good show." He slowly began to clap, and our classmates followed suit, whooping and jeering at Harry good-naturedly.

I turned to glance at him then, not feeling very excited about having won. I couldn't help the little gasp that escaped my throat when I saw his face. He had curved his mouth into a grin, ran a hand through his hair boyishly, a calculated carelessness slackening his features - but I saw it in the way his lips twitched, in the way his eyes glossed over and darkened to muted jade.

He's upset. I realized, moving closer without really thinking about it. He's really, really upset.

"H-Harry?" I heard myself whisper, voice trembling. Everyone had, by now, moved into their own little groups, all talking animatedly about the results of our little duel, so they weren't really paying us any mind.

His smile faltered - just for a moment - "good game." He husked, his voice raw. He held out a hand, quirking a brow, watching me with those expectant eyes.

It was then, in that moment, that I realized, very suddenly, that Harry is...beautiful. Like, proper beautiful, like earth shatteringly, mind numbingly gorgeous.

The realization hit me with such immense force that I had to grab his outstretched hand to keep from crumbling to the ground. "O-oh." My mouth parts on the startled little noise, and suddenly I'm very aware of the gentle press of his cold rings against my fingers, his large hand claiming mine, the muscles in his forearm flexing as he holds me. "Uh-huh." My response catches in my throat and comes out sounding like a strangled hiccup.

Quickly, I pull away, stumbling back a few steps, I tear my eyes from his face, flailing my hands around like a monkey.

What the fuck?

•••••••••

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT A PART 2 💛

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles friends to lovers #harry styles imagine #harry styles x oc #fanfic #imagine

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bubblyani · 4 years

Text

Deeper Relations: 08

(Freddie Jackson x Reader)

A Freddie Jackson Multi Chapter Series

Chapter 08: The Effect

Rating: Mature (18+) 🔥

Story Requested by: @97freaknik

Summary: Being the youngest sister of Jackie and Maggie, you were quite young when Freddie Jackson went to prison. Upon his return, you cannot help but recall your innocent love you had for him back then. And surprised by your transformation into womanhood, Freddie cannot help but form a desire towards you. Will a dangerously seductive attraction grow between the two of you? What will be the consequences?

Author’s Note: Being the story teller, I’m fanning myself writing this spicy story. Please note, I don’t personally approve of the actions taken by these characters aka infidelity. Just enjoy the drama like you’re watching an episode of the show lol. Enjoy!

Series Masterlist HERE

With the door properly locked, a sudden urge came over you. Stripping down, you stood in front of the mirror completely naked. This was nothing new. You remember doing the same a few months ago. The last time, you acted on this to prove yourself a point. Several points, to be specific. You wanted to prove the change you had undergone from a girl to a woman. You wanted to prove the denial of feelings that were unwanted and forbidden, giving yourself any reason to forget them.

But this time, you acted on this to celebrate.

The average person might consider this as a way to reconnect with one’s body. But what you did was different. For you just wanted to celebrate the change.

You were not in denial of those feelings, instead you were aware and proud of them. In fact, you were confident, and most of all, you’ve never felt sexier. As you eyes traveled across every inch of the reflection of your body, you just could not believe. Could not believe he laid his eyes on them, could not believe his hands had touched, his lips had tasted. All those blessings were completely unfathomable. You had changed, evolved in to a better version of yourself. And you were glad because finally, your wish had come true.

You had won in love.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

( One month later)

Family Dinner. It was that time. A tradition that would be carried out frequently, suddenly broke its cycle for the first time, delaying it for almost a month. But there were valid reasons, like Maggie and Jimmy finally moving to their own place for example. Nevertheless, it was lovely for all to get together after quite some time.

You managed to bring in the biggest surprise, by going through the biggest change. It was not intentional, for it just happened. The one who longed to fade into the background, had grown the most proactive.

Cooking had become a new hobby and the kitchen was a place of peace, that you grew confident in feeding others. So much so you offered to cook for the entire evening, giving your mother some time off to sit back and unwind with a glass of wine, until the rest arrived. Your change was practically announced by your welcoming greeting of a voice the moment they entered the house.

“Y/N…this is all so delicious! I’m impressed” With food still in her mouth, Maggie managed to deliver that line so perfectly. And given the looks of the others, including the children, it was safe to say that all agreed. You smiled brightly.

 “Thank you,Mags”

Lena Summers turned to her eldest daughter. “Jackie darling… could you please ask your sister what’s going on with her?” She said cheerfully, her face red as she held on to her glass of wine, “Cause whenever I would…she would just change the conversation”

As a mother, Lena had a point. The change was evident and incomprehensible. Tonight you were chattier, you were helpful, enthusiastic about every damned, thing that was discussed. You were even keen on what the children talked about. And moreover, the huge smile that adorned your face could not be wiped off throughout the entire time. But this phenomena, it was not limited to just today. You had been this way for a while. Smiling to oneself, a musical tune would always linger in your lips while a skip would stick in your step. And your eyes, the light that made them both shine, had an origin no one could pinpoint by yourself.

Jackie, however seemed not so convinced. With a cold smile, she looked at you.  “Actually I wanted to ask her that myself…” she said, “What is going on with you?”

Guessing from her tone, it was very much clear she did not believe what she saw. Nor was she pleased. Why? You did not know. And frankly you did not care.

“Well…I guess I’m just…” You began, “I finally found the way to be happy with myself-”

“That’s not true…” Jackie cut in to your surprise, “I’m your sister and I know you’ve never been an unhappy child to finally be happy” she added in a rather snarky tone, the gold bracelets on her wrists clashed while she pointed her fork at you, “But this is just quite unexpected…so what is it?” She repeated the question, “You found someone new, maybe?” She asked, wearing a mischievous smile.

“Oh…” Maggie and Jimmy could not help but utter together. You looked down shyly.  “Oh I rather not say” you said, chuckling. “Why not?” Jackie asked persistently. “Well… “ The moment you put your fork down, all were silenced, “…suppose I say that I am in love…suppose I am…” you paused, suddenly lost in your thoughts with a smile, “…suppose I am..so very deeply.” Your voice laced with affection,“It’s just that the last time didn’t really work out…so maybe it’s best if I keep my mouth shut this time until I’m sure if er…this gets serious or not” you said. “Oh I agree, smart one Y/N…” Jimmy called out. Looking at him, you nodded. “Thanks, Jimmy” “But isn’t this wonderful? Y/N is in love” Maggie’s heartfelt tone made you laugh, as you picked up your fork again.

But yes, they were right. You really were in love. And you were indulging the honeymoon phase of your relationship, a phase you hoped would never end. For you treasured this relationship. The relationship with the irresistible man who sat across you at the table, next to your sister. A wonderful, yet secret relationship with Freddie Jackson.

Being a secret, the obstacles to overcome were many. The meeting place for example.

The Rose Gardens Hotel, the place that started it all, became the default location for the lovers. It was your home away from home. A quaint space for the two of you, to be free in love, and free to love. To love fearlessly and passionately.

On some weeks, the days were fixed along with the time, mostly being the afternoons. But some weeks it would change. No matter when, it was made sure it was all unsuspecting and safe. And all everyone knew was that you were at lectures, and he was carrying out business.

Freddie was no fool, and so were you. To be suspected by anyone was a huge risk to take. In order to not cause any suspicion or accidental screwups, you showed little to no indication of your interest to each other at home. You made it quite convincing. So convincing it made the both of you laugh so hard.

When hotel rendezvous were null and void, when chance to make passionate love was not offered, fooling around would be the only option. And you both were willing takers. For even the slightest grope, fondle, grind or any other form of foreplay still satisfied the hunger for one another. Initially you were concerned whether Freddie would be contented by that. But to your surprise he was. This astounded you.

Fooling around, it would occur in the most unexpected of times, meaning every day was indeed a surprise, or an adventure.

There was a reason for your heart to skip a beat, or butterflies to fill in your stomach whenever you’d find Freddie drive by in your neighborhood, offering to drop you off to lectures. And, instead of actually going to lectures, You would end up in the suburbs, stopping by somewhere, where it was just the two of you. At the comfort of his car, in quiet seclusion.

The car was a witness many romantic escapades. Some of them would be when you would please him. Nestled in between his thighs below the carseat, you would taste him for as long as you wished. No one was there to judge. All the while his hands held you by the hair, displaying his approval and satisfaction, while proving more arousal. The other days would be when Freddie takes his turn to pleasure you. Having you sit on his lap, with your back pressed against his chest, was what he preferred. It made quite sense, especially when you curvaceous buttocks rested on his clothed manhood throughout the entire time. It would start out as innocence as you resting against him, indulging the beautiful view of what nature had presented to you. And then it would playfully proceed as to you watching his hand cleverly slither inside your thin sweater, just so he could fondle your eager breasts one at a time, just so he could marvel at their softness. It would get more heated, when you watch him wet his fingers with his own saliva, before encircling your nipples with moist, playfully pulling them to make them erect. Just when you thought things were heated already, he would take another step further, letting his other envious hand take the stage. He’d let you suck his digits, before digging into your skirt to caress and massage your wet slit, inserting them with ease soon after.

This also, was done in his own leisure, forcing you to grip his hair or even the leather seat until you’ve finally reached your peak. He even had the audacity to let you taste yourself in his fingers. All this while you savored the sweet nothings he muttered in your ear.

The physical pleasure was exciting, yes. But you were even more stimulated by the emotional connection you managed to form with him. Wherever you would meet and whatever you would do together, conversations would always take place somehow. The rush from genuine interest with talking and mutual listening was incomparable. With your enthusiasm shown, he was more than happy open up. Whatever the good or the bad, you listened to him. And with your indirect influence, Freddie clearly had evolved more as a gangster, being more careful, less reckless and clear headed enough to take in more responsibility and win the respect or many and be feared by many as well.

Picking on the piece of meat on your plate, you returned from your thoughts, “Yeah well…” you said, “…all I want is to find love as great what Maggie and Jackie has” you looked at your sisters. While Maggie beamed, Jackie smiled with pride.

“Yeah. She will, right babe?” She said, looking over at Freddie. Flashing his signature smile, he nodded enthusiastically as expected.

“Of course she will” he said.

Pulling her husband by the hand, Jackie kept her gaze on you while she leaned to kiss Freddie. Except he did not. Swiftly moving to the side, he rested his lips on her cheek instead. And he did that on purpose. Nodding, you looked down to resume eating. And you could not help but smile. That kiss, it was meant to say something. For that was him, pledging his loyalty to you in public. His very own symbol that his lips were yours from here onwards.

Why did it suddenly feel like there was a game between you and your sister? And you were the only one who knew? And which game you were not sure. Was it for winning his affections? Or succeeding in turning him loyal to one woman? And why did it feel like you won them all?

You could go down that path if you wanted to. The path to feeling pity, feeling guilty. For this was ethically wrong in so many levels. But you chose not to.

Because finally, you were truly happy. Because finally, you were in love the way you wanted to be. That passionate love that excited you. And it didn’t hurt anyone.You made sure of it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(4 days later)

“Ah! Yes…Oh!!! Fuck yes!”

The room at the Rose Gardens Hotel brimmed with the cries of your pleasure. One those rendezvous again between the secret lovers. And given the time, it was an afternoon delight as always. Except this time, Freddie had special privilege in the ‘tasting’ of the sweet dessert.

Your body, it writhed. Your hips rolled forwards and backwards in a steady rhythm. All the while you remained comfortably seated in bed, with Freddie’s face in between your luscious thighs. Sitting on one’s lover’s face had been a fantasy of yours, and here you were living it while he fed on you. Your long loose tresses moved gracefully when you threw your head back, maintaining the rhythm whilst being controlled by his hungry tongue that explored your most sacred place. Playing with your breasts, you made sure the buds were teased and stimulated the way he would always do, which sent you through the pathway to heaven. Your naked body glistened with sweat, making you look more attractive and convincing than any random actress in any erotic film. And what everything better were the delicious sounds that exited his lips whilst he savored you.

“Yes…that’s it. There’s the spot, Freddie!” You moaned, “I’m almost there…ah!”

Finally reaching the destination, You cried out as the climactic juices flowed out of you. You wanted to get up as quickly as you could, in order to avoid the mess in his face, but you could even consider that, you gasped as his tongue lapped up and licked all the remaining juices, until you were completely dry.All because he was famished for you. Literally. As much as he enjoyed tasting your food, nothing could be compared to the sweet taste of your own body. ‘Your little cupcake’ as he called it. Thinking about it for 4 days with waiting impatiently, he certainly was famished.

A few minutes later, Freddie came out of the shower. When he did, he found you sitting on the bed still naked. Leaning against the headboard, you stared at your wristwatch with a thoughtful expression. For suddenly you did not feel good. The more you analyzed it, you realized you were sad about something. And soon afterwards, you realized why. You sighed heavily.

“Why so quiet, babe?” Freddie’s voice reached your ears. Eyes still on the watch, you answered by shaking your head.

“Nothing…just”

“Awww come on!!…Freddie knows that’s a load of porky” You felt the bed shake slightly when Freddie landed on it next to you, “You can tell me…” he said. The moment you finally looked over at him, you were greeted with a gentle kiss. Kisses from his luscious lips were always lovely, you randomly thought. But that thought suddenly disappeared when you noticed what he was wearing.

“You’re wearing a bathrobe…” you muttered with raised eyebrows, “…you look different” you said with a questionable look. “Yeah? You mean like fancy different?” He asked with interest, showing himself off proudly, “ Don’t I look fucking regal? ”

You could not help but laugh at that. Freddie took your hand.

“Now come on… don’t change the subject” He said, using his convincing tone. Taking a deep breath, you decided it was better to just vent.

“I…I found out my grades this semester have gone bad.” You muttered shyly, “I’ve fallen so much behind”

It was true. Ever since this relationship came into being, you developed the tendency to skip classes more than usual in order to meet Freddie. And since the meetups increased than expected, your attendance rate was greatly affected. Which resulted in your lack of attention to the lessons and assignments. At the beginning you thought it wont be much of a problem and making up for it would be easy. But it was not as easy it sounded.

“Those fuckin’ wankers…” Freddie muttered, to which you shook your head frantically, while your hands played with the knot of his robe.  “Freddie! It’s no one’s fault but mine…” You began, casually loosening the knot to open his robe. Fresh from the shower, his skin smelled like refreshing shower gel, “But…I know this is the only time we can meet.” You continued, as your fingers ran over the tattoos on his chest, “And I love this…” you said softly, bending down to kiss them, then looking up at him, “I love you.” You breathed devotedly, “And I don’t you want to get in trouble by forcing you to meet me at another time” you said affectionately, curling yourself next to him.

“Well…” Freddie began, eyes half closed from indulging the kisses you placed on his abdomen, “…can’t you get the notes from any of your mates?”

Moving away, your jaw dropped with disbelief.

“Wow! You really don’t remember why, do you?”You scoffed with disappointment.

Because you remembered. It was one particular day when Freddie managed to drop you off to University after a quick session of fooling around. Gilbert Brown, one of the most studious students in your class had promised to lend you his notes. And keeping his word, he stood there outside the lecture building with the notes you needed. Moved by his kindness, you could not help but hug him with such gratitude. But as you closed the door behind you in the building, your eyes caught the of Freddie making conversation with your classmate. It seemed that he had whispered something to the young man’s ear, all the while he held on to his head violently. Ever since then, Gilbert never spoke to you again.

However, Freddie did not see the severity of your problem. For he has his own. “I didn’t like the way that bugger touched you” he growled softly. You clicked your tongue. “It was just a hug, Freddie. It’s not a big deal” “Well it is for me” he replied tad harshly.

During this relationship, the more you learnt about Freddie Jackson, the more you realized how jealousy ate him whole. The fire burnt in his eyes as he said those words. Sensing the anger in him, you grew a bit intimidated. Sensing your fear, his eyes suddenly grew softer.

“Y/N…” He began softly, surprising you as he hovered over you, “You don’t know how fuckin special you are…” the manner his voice evolved into a seductive one, made you gulp,“You’re like crack…” he went on, lifting a finger “You’re fuckin… addictive… and like no… other” just so he could gingerly run it over your rib cage, drawing little circles down your stomach, as you gasped softly “And the thought of other men realizing what a keeper you are…just…ah!”

He grunted all the sudden, when you finally realized how his hand left your body, only to feel his own manhood. With his eyes never leaving you, his hand worked on himself until he was hard.

How he spoke of you, how he revered you, it was clearly your weakness. Freddie Jackson had his way with words. And you were a victim. His desire for you had crossed many lines and his jealousy was evident. The level of how much he wanted you did not make you angry, instead it made you powerful. But more importantly, you were aroused beyond all measure. The dampened slit was proof enough. Spreading your legs wide open, you cupped his face, lust burning in your eyes.

“Fuck me…” you breathed.

And just like that, no more words were necessary for him to proceed.

You tasted his hungry kiss, crying out loud when you felt your inner walls fill up as he entered you with haste. He was particularly rough, moving faster than usual but he was fully aroused. Thus, the bed creaked louder as you moved along with it. Your ample breasts in turn bounced in effect. catching Freddie’s attention in an instant. Maintaining speed, his mouth latched onto the erect nipples, suckling on them hard for he could not resist.

“Ah yes…harder…ah!” Free to vocalize to your pleasure, you moaned out loud as he kept moving. You always welcomed him inside you, and loving him was never a burden. And both of your utmost satisfaction, release was met, the conflict was forgotten, and you rested for the rest of the day as you could not walk afterwards.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(The next day)

Stepping out of the Lecture Building, you never felt more confused. You missed the good old times. The times when you were always ahead of lesson, well prepared with everything and anything. You missed being in control of this aspect of your life.

Walking back to carry out some errands, you began to debate with yourself on getting your studies on track. Would the library be resourceful enough? Or online courses? Before you could make a decision, you felt someone tap you on the shoulder. Turning quickly, you sighed in relief to find Marcus behind you.

“Hey!” You said with genuine surprise, to which he nodded with a small smile. “Where you off to?” He asked softly. “The Chemist…need to get some vitamins” “Oh! I’ll walk with you then” “Thanks…”

Walking together, you breathed in the comfortable silence shared. Looking over at him, you sensed a different energy. He did not look happy as he usually would. Since you both had different classes, the thought of meeting him had slipped off your mind completely. You felt guilty. You missed him. It had been a while since you saw your friends.

“We rarely see you around, you know” He began, when you both entered the Chemist Shop, “Is something wrong?”

With all that happened recently, you did not know what to disclose and what not to . You pressed your lips together, “Uh…you know. Stuff…” Your answer was ambiguous. Awkward silence filled as the two of you walked along the aisles. Chuckling, you were in dire need of a segue.

“Can you believe I can’t get anyone to lend me their notes from class?” You scoffed, eyeing the bottles of Vitamins, “Me… of all people…ha!” But Marcus did not answer nor express his surprise. Except he just stared at one of the bottles of pills. “Y/N…” he began, with his hands deep in his pockets, “I don’t know if you know this but…there’s a story going around about you” “What story?” “People they… they keep saying that blokes can’t talk to you or be associated with you anymore cause this gangster keeps showing up, threatening them not to. I saw him once…” Marcus continued, “Wasn’t that Freddie?”

You froze. You knew it. His actions certainly had brought forth noticeable consequences. So this was what his actions have brought upon you. No wonder nobody wanted to lend you notes. They were frightened of you.

“I mean…Why would your brother-in-law be so protective of you?” Marcus asked, unable to comprehend the situation. And frankly, so did you. “Oh you don’t know Freddie…” you chuckled nervously, avoiding the question at all costs, ,“He’s like this with all the women in the family” “Well I haven’t seen him do this before…” He snapped, which drove you to the edge. “Marcus! What do you want me to say? What do you expect me to do?? HUH?” Panting, you realized how loud and angry you sounded. Taken back by your reaction, Marcus looked disappointed.

“Are we not friends? Why can’t you tell us?” He said, his voice laced with sadness, “You really have changed, Y/N…” he murmured, “Heath was right…You barely see us anymore” Realizing the weight of your actions, you felt your heart break and you wanted it to stop. “Marcus please-” “No…” he cut you off firmly, “Call me when you finally figured out what’s going with you…”He said as he took his queue to leave, “or else don’t…”

Watching him walk out of the store, You sighed heavily, feeling shittier than you felt earlier. He was right, you have been a terrible friend. Barely seeing your friends, or calling them. As if they were suddenly wiped out of your interests at heart. Without even picking the bottle of vitamin pills you needed, you found yourself walking around the store. An empty feeling came over you. First studies, now your friends. Why was everything you had a firm hold on were slipping away from your grasp. As you kept walking, you caught the sight of one particular aisle.

Halting in your tracks, your eyes widened as you clutched your chest with shock.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Your heart was beating so fast, you felt in your mouth. Exiting the store, you walked out with haste until you ended up speed walking. When that was deemed slow, you decided to run. The plastic bag floated up high as it hung on to your hand. You just wanted to get home.

Too long. It had been too long. And you did not even notice? How could you be so careless?

You ran so fast, anyone who passed by seemed irrelevant. Even storming into the house, you barely acknowledged your mother as you darted towards the bathroom.

“Having a bad stomach, love?” Lena Summers cried out from the kitchen. “Yes mum!” Answering back, you slammed the bathroom shut, locking it afterwards.

Exhaling deeply, you leaned against the door. The thought of this happening to you was simply unfathomable. You closed your eyes, as you began counting something using you fingers. But no matter how many times you tried, you were not relieved with the answer. Impatient beyond your control, you took the small box out of the plastic bag. You teared it open, to have the small yet long stick land on your palm.

Taking a deep breath for the better or for worse, you decided to get on with the next stage.

“Please say no …please say no”

Muttering to yourself like a prayer, the bare of your thighs felt the cool toilet seat as you began to pee into the pregnancy test stick. You shuddered. Was this another part of being responsible? You could not recall the last time you had your period, and glancing upon the aisle of sanitary napkins and tampons sudden forced you to skyrocket back to reality. You did not even stand up, you just kept sitting there, your panties still bunched around your knees. As the one minute went painfully slow, all you could do was to repeat your prayer with desperation.

“Please say no …please say no” Until you finally decided to take a look.

As your eyes widened, as your breath left your body, it felt as a vital part of you just burnt in smithereens in an instant, leaving nothing but the ashes behind you.

For your prayers, there were not answered. They were definitely not answered.

______________________________________

Chapter 9 HERE

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mkobooks · 3 years

Text

Can’t Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation - by Anne Helen Petersen

This year, I’m making more of an effort to read nonfiction. I heard Prof Petersen on a podcast and I was very intrigued by what she had to say, so when I saw that Can’t Even was available on my library’s “Libby” app, I decided to check it out. I'm a Millennial who does say “Can’t Even” a lot. Perhaps this book would speak to me. Would I discover I’m “burnt out”?

In Can’t Even, Prof Petersen combines her own anecdotes, research from psychologists and experts on “work”, and interviews and stories from Millennials of all different backgrounds. She paints a picture of the phenomenon of Millennial Burnout by describing what it’s like to be burnt out, identifying sources of burnout that are both expected (graduating into the Great Recession) and unexpected (”Boomer” generation parenting methods), and noting the effects of widespread burnout on society as a whole.

She highlights with the concept of precarity. According to Petersen, the Millennial generation live in a state of constant precarity thanks to student loans, an unstable economy, stagnating wages, and anxiety to stay within the middle class. In response, many Millennials constantly work to the point where even our leisure time seems like something else on a long checklist of things we need to do. We’re constantly too broke and too tired. Everything is uncertain and that is stressful.

But we don’t have to live that way, right?

In the end, Prof Petersen doesn’t offer any advice, and admits that’s not her purpose. Instead, she declares that we need to stop accepting things the way they are and work together to change the system as a whole. In her conclusion, she writes:

“We shouldn’t have to choose between excelling in work and thriving as individuals. We should feel good about listening to our bodies when they tell us ... that we should stop... We shouldn’t be this worried, this terrified, this anxious about everything.”

What this book does really well is describe something that I--and I suspect many other Millennials--already knew about myself, my friends, me colleagues, and my classmates despite never being aware of that knowledge. Sort of when I studied grammar in my TESL course, and learned that we use “past perfect” tense (aka “had eaten”, “had seen” etc) to describe something in the past that happened before another past event when I’d always used this grammar correctly without ever thinking about why.

In the same way, I was so familiar with so much of what was described in Can’t Even that it wasn’t something I needed to think about. It was something I had internalized as part of life as a 20-something living in the 2010s. As a would-be novelist making up stories about Millennials, I’ve realized that so many of the characters I’ve created would probably read Can’t Even and discover how burnt out they are. This wasn’t something I did on purpose; rather, it’s the result of the fact that “being a Millennial” is essentially equivalent to “being burnt out.” Can’t Even articulates this phenomenon in a chillingly accurate way.

So while I--an unemployed, not raised by Boomers, married super young for a Millennial, expat, with $0 of student debt--don’t feel like I’m experiencing as strong a burnout as the interviewees in the book, I’m still so effected by it because it’s the reality of my peers. People I know and love are burned out and I don’t doubt that I if I was working, I’d feel more burnt out too. There’s a reason why I haven’t been searching for a new job all these months. Perhaps I’m suffering from such a “precarity” that I don’t even know where to start in looking for “a cool job that I’m passionate about” because I don’t even know what I’m passionate about. Besides, I’m plenty anxious already without having work to worry about!

Or, conversely, do I want to turn my passions into a career? My last job was almost a textbook case of what Can’t Even warns. I got a job working for a company that involved playing my favorite sport. It was pretty cool actually, yet all that enthusiasm got me was, in Petersen’s words, “permission to be paid very little.” And I was. In fact, I was so underpaid that when I included my monthly salary on the Singapore census, a census-worker called me thinking I’d made a typo, perhaps missed a zero? Nope.

Overall, this book was as entertaining as it was frustrating and sad. I don’t want to live this way; I don’t want my friends and family to live this way. I hate how accurate it is and how we’ve all internalized it to the point where we never thought to question why things are this way. We do need to just flip a table and storm away from this broken system because we really can’t even.

Can't Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation by Anne Helen Petersen My rating: 3 of 5 stars

#can't even #millennials #burnout #anne helen petersen #book review #non-fiction #reading 2021

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introverts01 · 3 years

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Just how to Go From Introvert to Exhibitionist

As a youngster I was very withdrawn, usually spending my time on the computer system, reading, playing video games, or seeking other solo leisure activities. I 'd hang around outdoors biking, exploring the neighboring areas and also hills (which today are filled with homes), or capturing hoops, however I 'd usually favor doing these points alone or with people I recognized extremely well. I never felt as well comfy around strangers, and I never took care of big family members occasions. Psychological examinations like the Myers-Briggs secured me directly as an autist. Any individual who recognized me would have explained me as an autist without a reservation. Like several introverts I was pushed by others to mingle more. Yet I mainly resisted this pressure, partly due to the fact that I enjoyed being an introvert. I typically checked out characters as doing not have in intelligence and depth, and also I can't state I intended to count myself amongst them. However, over a long period of time, I eventually found myself ending up being a growing number of extroverted. I embraced hanging out with other people, headed out of my method to satisfy brand-new individuals, could easily present myself to strangers, and also really enjoyed it. The Myers-Briggs test now identifies me an extrovert To the people that recognize me today, this wouldn't be unexpected. I'm not the sort of extrovert I imagined as a youngster though. I feel I have actually done a good job stabilizing the autist and also extrovert parts of myself, such that I take pleasure in both sorts of tasks similarly. I really feel equally as comfy staying at residence reading a book as I do mosting likely to a brand-new social event and introducing myself to people I have actually never ever fulfilled. I enjoy both group as well as solo tasks, each for different factors. Some weeks I'm even more introverted as well as mostly stay home with my family members. Other weeks I have a full social calendar with an occasion virtually every evening. I enjoy both just as much.

introvert extrovert ambivert definition In order to end up being an exhibitionist, I found that I needed to get rid of a number of blocks to being more extroverted Possibilities are that if you're in the exact same watercraft, you have some of these blocks also. Blocks to becoming an exhibitionist. * Underestimating extroversion. Spending quality time alone as well as with individuals are equally important. If you're extremely shy, you might underestimate the positive role people can play in your life, such as understanding, relationship, development, laughter, and so on. The ideal outcome is to strike a balance between the two. You do not have to give up the autist tasks you enjoy. In fact, when you balance them with more social tasks, you'll most likely find them much more gratifying. After several nights of being around individuals, I really eagerly anticipate an evening by myself to review, practice meditation, write, and so on. And after great deals of time alone or with my family, I'm itching to go out as well as be around other individuals.

hobbies for introverts * Underdeveloped social skills. Social abilities can be discovered like any type of various other skill set. One factor autists shy away from social activities is that they do not feel comfy due to the fact that they don't know what to do, specifically if the unexpected were to occur. Being able to start up a conversation with a complete stranger AND feeling entirely comfortable doing it is a learnable ability. The even more you do it, the better you get at it. Accept the fact that you're a novice, as well as don't contrast yourself to others. * Picturing yourself as the wrong type of exhibitionist. If you locate the extroverted individuals around you superficial and perhaps also frustrating, why would you wish to be more like them? You would not. When I was a child, I really didn't want to be extra like the characters I understood. Also as a grown-up, my vision of a character was an in-your-face salesman that just intended to develop a shallow partnership with you so they might sell you something. It seemed really phony as well as bogus to me. As well as naturally that vision stopped me from ever before wishing to be like that. Yet you needn't pick such a minimal vision for yourself-- you're totally free to develop your own vision of a favorable means to be much more extroverted. * Associating the wrong individuals. Why would you wish to spend more time with people you do not such as? If ending up being much more extroverted means spending even more time with people you prefer to avoid, you'll have no motivation to do it. Once more, you're totally free to damage this pattern as well as create a social team that you 'd like to be a component of. * Overvaluing on-line interacting socially. Online interacting socially has its place in your life, yet it's a pale darkness compared to in person, belly-to-belly interaction. Voice and also body movement can connect a whole lot greater than message, as well as emotional bonds are easier and also faster to establish personally. I feel a lot closer to the neighborhood friends I have actually understood for just a few months than I do to the people I have actually known online for several years yet never ever fulfilled personally. It's just not as fun heading out to supper with a laptop. You don't need to get rid of online socializing, but don't allow it to crowd out conference individuals in your area. If you do that, you'll only cause your social skills to lag even more behind. If you have some of these blocks and intend to surpass them, the very first step is to recognize them as well as consider how they're holding you back. Then start to service them just as you would any type of various other challenge in your life. Focus your purposes, set goals, make strategies, as well as begin acting. It might be uncomfortable and awkward initially, but just approve that, and also obtain relocating anyway. Suggestions for becoming much more extroverted. Right here are some extra recommendations for exactly how to end up being more extroverted: * Envision the sort of exhibitionist you would love to be. What's your optimal outcome? If you feel as well withdrawn and wish to be extra extroverted, start by working with your vision of your end result. Chances are that if you have actually been making little progress in this field, you have a somewhat adverse vision of extroverts. When I developed a positive vision of being an extrovert that consisted of structure real connections with smart individuals I respect (in contrast to arbitrary, shallow interacting socially), I soon began attracting those partnerships. Being a "stupid jock" kind of exhibitionist still has no interest me. * Consider relationships in terms of what you can provide, not in terms of what you can get. If you look for to develop new relationships based on common offering as well as obtaining, you'll have no lack of pals. Recognize individuals with whom you would love to develop a connection, and start by providing. I've discovered that my geeky understanding is actually a significant strength when it comes to interacting socially due to the fact that there are a terrible great deal of non-geeks that had actually like to comprehend geeky things better, and also I can describe it to them in means they'll understand. For instance, I have actually been teaching some regional speaker good friends about blogging and also web marketing, and in return I'm discovering a lot from them regarding speaking, wit, etc. There are lots of intelligent people available that 'd love to have a nerd as a buddy. What can you offer a connection that will be of benefit to somebody else? When you identify what that is (and also it's probably various points), you'll have a simpler time bring in brand-new pals right into your life. * Discover the right social group for you. Purposely think about the types of people you 'd want to have as friends. There's no policy that claims this has to be your peers or associates. I in fact find myself much more curious about making buddies with people who are much older than me instead of individuals my very own age or slightly younger. Individuals around my age (34) often tend to be extremely profession- and family-oriented, but commonly in a somewhat brainless, socially conditioned manner in which isn't focused around any kind of knowingly chosen life function or idea system. And also people in their 20s, while commonly extremely energised, tend to be largely unfocused ... or focused on trivial pursuits that simply aren't that vital. So it's been hard for me to find people near my age where we have sufficient alike for a lasting friendship. I seem to have an easier time making friends with people in their 40s, 50, as well as older. They generally have higher understanding and experience, more fascinating stories to share, extra sources (info and also concepts, funds, get in touches with), and also a much better sense of that they are as well as what they intend to perform with their lives. Commonly I discover myself going to get-togethers where I'm the youngest individual in the space, however that really feels really comfy and typical for me. Don't hesitate to extend past one of the most obvious peer group as well as hang out with individuals from various ages, areas, cultures, nations, etc. You might find the range to be a lot of fun. * Play from your strengths. It's fascinating that lots of introverts have no difficulty interacting socially online. Because environment they're able to play from their staminas. But you can additionally utilize your strengths knowingly as utilize to branch out into even more face-to-face socializing. As an example, after I graduated university, I met a female on a regional BBS (before there was much of a World Wide Web). We got to chatting online over a duration of weeks. Ultimately we met in person as well as became buddies, as well as I soon fell under her pre-existing social team with osmosis. My social calendar went from empty to complete almost over night. That female, incidentally, has actually been my wife for the previous 7.5 years. If you mingle on-line, see if you can not make use of that toughness to develop new regional relationships. While people have actually done this in international forums like on the internet video games, I think it's much easier to try it in local online forums. As an example, there are message boards for people who've recently relocated to Las Vegas. * Join a club. It's old guidance, however it still functions. The advantage is that you'll locate people who share comparable rate of interests, that makes it easier to construct brand-new relationships. One excellent club can fill your social calendar. For example, with my membership in Toastmasters, I obtain invites to lots of other local gatherings. I do not most likely to everything, yet it's nice to obtain those welcomes. Plus belonging to a worldwide company with 200,000 members worldwide creates social inroads around the planet. If you sign up with a club and also find that it's not right for you, give up as well as join something else. My spouse as well as I have actually both been through a variety of regional social teams that just really did not resonate with us (also monotonous, as well slow, as well disorganized, way too many problem drinkers). However one great group is all you require. * Establish your social skills consciously. You can learn to become better at developing rapport, presenting yourself, keeping a conversation going, asking somebody out on a day, feeling socially comfy instead of anxious, and more. You don't need to be superficial and also manipulative regarding it, but truly develop these skills because it will significantly improve your life. One technique I locate exceptionally effective is to ask the various other person exactly how s/he got going in his/her current job. 80-90% of the moment the individual will certainly state something like, "Well, that's a fascinating tale ..." And I genuinely like listening to these stories. A tiny fundamental set of social skills can go a lengthy way due to the fact that you'll reach reuse them each time you meet someone. Whatever skill you would love to create, attempt doing a Google or Amazon search on it, and you'll probably locate lots of articles and also publications. Realize that when you hold on your own back from interacting socially, you're not just depriving on your own-- you're additionally depriving other individuals of the chance to learn more about you. How much longer do you want your future partner or friend to stay alone? Here are some follow-up messages that additionally explore this subject: 1. Improving Social Abilities 2. A Concern for Introverts 3. Risk vs. Compensate in Human Relationships

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