#this isn't 100% edited for typos and such bc I am in class and getting this out there before tmrw's ep

[jq37]

Twice Upon a Time - Neverafter Ep 7

Trouble in Tuffeton

Hoo, boy. Welcome back to Dimension 20 where we have for you today, 3/4ths of a normal episode and then the wildest 25 minutes of your entire life–but more on that second part later.

For now, we’re where we left off–with our intrepid and slightly monstrous heroes just having brought Little Miss Muffet back to mostly normal. She’s still sporting a spider head, but she’s no longer feral. In fact, she’s pretty scared to be in a spider’s web. Which is ironic cause she wrapped everyone in her village up in spider silk cocoons. Awkward!

Before they head out, the group decides to search for the magical artifacts they were told Muffet was amassing, and Ger does best. Here’s what he finds:

A LOT of dead people that he instantly lies escaped to protect the children and especially Muffet

A velvety black cloak with stars embroidered inside 

A ghillie suit/cloak that can disguise you as a pile of grass and leaves

A golden bridle (my mind jumps to the taming of Pegasus)

A mirrored, obviously magical sword with the word “Veritas” on it. Siobhan–resident Latin understander–translates that to “truth”

When Ger uses the sword to test it out, Brennan makes him do a Wis save. He gets a 13. With that, Brennan asks if he sees himself more as a frog or a human at that point. Ger says that him being a frog is what’s getting him through this awful experience alive so, right now, he’s actually feeling pretty froggy. And, likewise, he sees his reflection as he is–slimy and amphibious.

Puss checks his spider ring and sees that it’s pointing towards the entrance. As they follow it, they see a lot of spiders are returning to the cave now that Muffet has been taken care of, including Itsy Bitsy who drops off his stuff then goes to try and climb the water spout again. 

They follow him out where it’s still raining and Muffet looks up sadly to the hill where she used to eat by herself every day. Everyone says they’ll gladly eat with her and as she smiles, the rain stops falling. It’s the first sun they’ve seen the Time of Shadows began.

And, much like in the fairy tale, with the sun out, the Itsy Bitsy spider gets to the top of the spout. Time goes to record his story and asks if he wants to be put into the book. The Spider, in what sounds like a clear “Pay Attention You Guys, This is a Major Theme” asks if it’s such going to be all sunshine all the time in the book. Because while he likes the sunshine more than the rain, he likes his resilience in the face of the rain and maybe he should bring some rain with him.

The Spider, as he’s very small and he thinks he’d be more helpful as a story, is about to choose the book when Tim (and really Ally it feels like lol) slams the book, to Brennan’s surprise and is like nooooo you have so much value out here! Let’s work on your self-talk. So the spider tags along but, because his story is in the book, Tim gets a new spell that is too high level for him to access yet.

(Btw: Brennan and Ally explain that Goose gets a new spell when he writes down someone’s story. So far he has the spell he doesn’t have access to yet, Jump (I assume from the Cow), Expeditious Retreat (from Jack), Lesser Restoration (from I believe King Cole), and Calm Emotions (the only other person I can remember him sending to the book is the Dish? Or I guess it could also be Muffet since he did write her story. Edit: Cindy too but does that count since it was second hand via an object?)

After this, Tim goes with the rest of the group to distract Muffet while they search the town for cocoons. Tim spots them then leads Muffet away so she doesn’t have to see any of this. 

The group takes down the cocoons which are stuck up in the rafters and crack em open. Inside, are the citizens of the town–blessedly alive but VERY freaked out. Our heroes try to claim that this is all the result of a platonic adult sleepover gone wrong (Ally: Roll for Gaslight) to mixed results. 

Meanwhile, Tim is trying to give Muffet a pep talk while the screams of her victims ring out in the background. She’s not super feeling the pep. Tim asks how it felt when she became the spider monster and she says it was weird. She was on the hill and then the spider showed up but it was bigger than it should have been. She says that things have felt weird, but she doesn’t know why–a common refrain of citizens of this world. Then, she starts to get a little meta. She says that it struck her all of a sudden that the fact that she’s scared of spider is the only thing anyone knows about her. Maybe the curds and whey thing also. It felt like she was only one thing and not even really that. And that felt messed up. Sounds like someone being cursed with the burden of meta awareness to me. 

Back with the townspeople and the rest of the party, everyone is about ready to start the Mob Song from Beauty and the Beast and form a spider hunting party but Pinnochio casts suggestion on the mayor of the town (Mayor Harold Hopps) and gets him to back up the adult sleepover gone wrong version of events. With that sorted, it’s now party time!

The sun sets and the stars come out. There’s a call for perception checks that doesn’t seem to yield anything (highest roll was a 17). The townsfolk bring out alcohol and curds and whey for all in their party location–the Golden Chair tavern. 

Ger and Red have a sidebar because Ger is NOT loving Red’s self talk. He says she’s not a monster and, while she appreciates the sentiment, she’s like, come on, you know what’s it like to feel like a monster or else you wouldn’t be trying to turn back into a prince. Ger concedes she has a point but when she asks if he still would still have loved Elody if she had a spider’s head, he thinks he would have. He didn’t just love her for her beauty. He loved that she was rebellious and fascinating and love him as he was. He thinks that maybe once he became handsome, he stopped trying so hard to be anything but that. Red says that it’s strange that Ger is kind of leaning into the non-prince thing because all the best stories are about princes and princesses and Ger–really leaning into the meta vibe of this ep–says that stories usually end once you become a prince or a princess. Roz, who is going through it, pops in to chime in that true love isn’t real–something she as a full adult at 18 would know–and we jump to Tim.

Tim hears writing in his book and sees that Scher is writing to him. She says thanks so much for helping. She and her companions escaped the cave, picked up some new allies, and found a handy doorway to take them all to a new world. She asks if Tim knows of a place called the Land of Beasts and Birds and when Tim says no, that confirms to her that it’s another realm like the Never After and the Endless Nights. (My guess is it’s the Aesop world since he’s all about animal fables.) She tells them to sit tight and, when she can, she’ll open the doorway to them. Tim messages this info to Ger because he’s the only other real adult in the party and everyone else is dancing.

Pinnochio, specifically, is pole dancing using his nose as a pole.

(Puss: Slay Pinocchio, slay.

Roz: Oh, she’s vogueing.)

Anyway.

Tim then goes to Muffet to talk to her magical spoon which we learn is the one that the Dish ran away with (I wonder if that’s what Brennan always had planned or if he just did it because that’s what they figured was going on and why not?)

The Spoon says that yes, she had a tryst with the Dish but it was a mistake and she doesn’t wanna go into the book. Everything in the rhyme is true, but she doesn’t want that to be her whole story. Again, like I said, this ep gets very meta, and we’re not done. 

Pinocchio mentions his time at the Land of Toys (aka Pleasure Island in the Disney version) and when Muffet marvels at how long his story is, he says that the story is basically about growing up and actions having consequences and everything being very black and white. Everyone else starts thinking about their stories and Roz thinks about how she has little agency in her story. Puss thinks he doesn’t have much to do in his story once it ends. 

Tim wonders if he can do anything to change their stories–he is a writer with a magic book after all. He writes in the book that Pinnochio is free and able to have fun and the book throws a fit. The ink shakes and shudders and is swallowed into the page. Then it starts raining. Tim tells the rest of them what happened and says maybe this is something he can do in the future, but not yet. Pinnochio is like, thanks but I think this is the path I need to be on right now. After all, it’s where his mom wants him. 

Speaking of, Tim wonders if Pinnochio’s stepmom has anything to do with the rain starting up again–defeating Muffet was supposed to stop that. 

Roz tries to put her spindle into the book to see what happens and the book accepts it, writing her story as it is in this reality–with 7 fairies. But, like Cinderella, her story is interrupted (though not at Happily Ever After, at falling asleep) and then there are two blank pages and an illustration of the spindle. Strange. 

Puss goes to the bar and sees two burly men he doesn’t recognize from freeing the townsfolk. He sees them whispering to each other then going upstairs. He follows them and a lot happens to I’m gonna go to bullets.

He hears two cloaks being put on the bed.

He hears a tearing sound and then the noise of something heavy and almost wet hit the ground. 

Then he hears thin hollow voices and the lighting of a match.

It was dark when they walked in and now light is seeping under the door. 

A voice asks why the rain came back and the voices (who call this person “mistress”) say that they saw a witch writing in a book and then the words freaked out. 

The voice is like “Hmm, curious,” and asks what was being written about. When they say a wooden boy, the voice recognizes that it’s Pinnochio. She says that what happened is “dangerous” and they should stop him from writing more, kill him, and leave the book.

Puss hears a wet noise like something sharp and angular straining against something “slick and horrifying”. Then he hears cloaks being picked up from the bed.

Puss runs like hell and finds Tim. He gets Tim to message him and is like, so funny story, these men want you dead. The message is disseminated amongst the group and they all get into position. Tim goes outside to lead them out and everyone else follows or goes to an upstairs window to get a high vantage point.

As soon as they’re in position, Puss attacks without waiting and misses, but Ger’s ability lets him get another hit in and he aces it with a Nat 20 that causes a full death blow. First of the campaign! As he kills this dude, he realizes that it’s a twig and wood skeleton under a flesh skin. Gross! The plant matter inside these guys is familiar to Roz as the brambles she’s familiar with. So it seems like these guys are some kind of plant constructs and the weird sounds Puss heard were them taking off and putting on their skin suits. Again, gross!

They don’t seem to be human and the rest of the party is able to dispatch the other one in short order. Puss explains what he saw and they go to the room to check it out.

OK, so, this is when the last fourth of this ep kicks in and it turns into a Whole Other Thing. You have been warned. 

They go into the room and it is destroyed. The only thing that looks OK is a small table with a silver platter on it. In the silver platter is a small amount of water and a blood red candle burned most of the way down. It’s perfectly centered in the water.

Ger puts the truth sword over the candle and the reflection shows the candle is lit, even though it doesn’t appear to be. Tim’s 20 arcana check tells him that the candle is a spell somehow. 

Roz smells petrichor and iron and rot. It smells like the bad fairy–which is interesting because iron is usually fairy bane. Maybe the iron is blood?

Ger blows out the seemingly unlit candle and it lights the torches on the wall. They realize that the candle being lit probably somehow impedes other light sources. 

Pinocchio casts Faerie Fire to suss out if anyone invisible is in the room and no one is revealed but the spell lights the candle and casts the room in a shimmery light. Pinocchio has a weird feeling, like one of his strings attaches to the candle.  

The candle asks who he wants to speak to–everyone hears this and sees his string by the way. Pinnochio knows that his mom has his strings and wonders if this candle is somehow connected to his mom.

Roz, in a throwaway line that is actually the turning point of the episode, asks if they can talk to PInnochio’s mom. Pinnochio is like, uh OK, yeah. Sure. You guys can meet my mom. And the Roz is swiftly shoved into a closet by Tim so she’s not seen. Which is very funny considering that this was her idea and it goes…

Uh…

Interestingly.

“You watch as something terrible unfolds” Brennan says, which I have to add to the same list as, “I’m about to describe something heartbreaking” from Sophomore Year. 

The candle sputters and Pinnochio hears a garbled voice say, “I did not summon you to speak to me.”

Roz and Pinnochio see the face of the bad fairy they both recognize in the candle flame. The door to the hall flies open and Pinnochio sees the silhouette of his mom in the doorway–everyone else sees this for the first time. If feels wrong to see and I’m just gonna quote Brennan because I can’t do these lines justice in summary:

“You are seeing something you absolutely should not see–the face of a divinity you don't worship, the smile of a devil you never believed in.”

AHHHHHHHHH.

Pinnochio is standing in such a way that he’s blocking the fae in the flame from his stepmom in the door and he has to choose if he wants to look at his mom or keep blocking the fae from her. Also, because of the lighting conditions here, it seems like he’ll actually be able to see her and not just her shadow.

He chooses to look at his mom.

As he does, Ger tosses him the truth sword. Light reflects on the sword and fully illuminates the stepmother. As this happens, the room grows strange. It doesn’t feel like they’re in the inn anymore. It’s like they’re in a place out of place. 

The wicked fairy sees the stepmother properly, screams HORRIFIED, and does a full Oedipus–no, not that part, the other part. She PLUCKS HER EYES OUT. The candle goes out.

Brennan asks who wants to look at the stepmom after that. 

All of the adults are like FUCK NO but the kids–Red and Pinnochio, choose to look. 

(Note: Muffet is also there wildly and doesn’t look. Ally: Where has this bitch been in initiative?)

Anyway, both kids have to make a Cha save. They both get the help action. 

Red fails with a 6–unsurprising since the AxMurph dice pool has been rolling *garbage* this episode (Murph, repeatedly: This die is RE-TI-RED!)

Pinnnochio passes with a 21. 

Red gets three red tokens. Three. Dying gives you one. Looking at this person gives you THREE.

Thanks, hate that!

The stepmom in her full glory is an eldritch abomination made up of shifting visions of malice and spite. Brennan describes her sneer splitting off into a second mouth so she can sneer further over and over almost fractally. Beneath her skin are hundreds of beings crawling–countless stories and people she’s eaten. 

Brennan asks whether her mom or grandma is who comes to mind first. Emily, fully knowing she’s about to get hurt, says in Red’s good natured casual tone that Grandma is always on her mind. 

She suddenly sees her grandma appear and Pinnochio’s stepmom grabs her, and bites her head and shoulders off, and swallows her. She asks if this is real and Brennan says it feels real in the way that a nightmare feels real. “Grandmother,” she says. “Close enough.”

Pinnochio sees something trying to burst from his mom’s cheek–a woman in a crown–but she licks it back up with her tongue and swallows. First of all, awful. Second of all, giving me Kronos eating his kids vibes. Third of all, is this maybe the queen from Snow White? We know there’s some connection between Pinnochio and/or his mom and this Queen because of the Mirror conversation. Anyway, enough analysis, back to the horrific event already in progress. 

The stepmother is furious that Pinnochio called her rather than waiting to be called.

“You don’t open a door to me. I open a door to you. I was not ready to speak with you, impudent boy. Now you have truly outlived your use.”

Everything has been happening in bullet time. Brennan finally asks for a check to catch the thrown sword. Pinnochio gets the help action from Ger and picks Acrobatics as the check.

He rolls a Nat 1.

*AND* a Nat 20.

God, the dice love a story. Y’all. 

The stepmother throws the Pinnochi’s strings back on to him and he’s flooded with pain. He grabs the sword–the sword of truth in the hands of the boy known for lying–and he cuts his strings. 

Ṙ̶̞̀͑̓̎̏̊̈́͛ě̸͔̟͙͕͕͙͕̱̩̟̩̻̐̉̐̈́͠͠a̴͕̘̭̺̯̮͉̩͙̳͇̰̼͓͌̈́͋͋l̵̡͚̬̞̙͉͕̩̬̘̐͊̈́̇̒̿̌̍̈̓̌̽̃i̵̛̝̓̽̑̽̔͗̆͝t̴͕̠̠̖̲̻̼̜͊y̴̡̮̺̪͍̠̭̫̱̲̖͕̣̠̾̇̉̔͜ ̷̢̤̞̺̙̱̞̝̽̆̆͠Ş̴̡̳̭̱͚͇̗͈̈́̏͗̃͗̈́̓̕͜͠ͅh̸̜̻̫̙̳̘͔̬͔͆̈́̈́̽̌̕͜ǡ̷͔̩̎̽̇̀̚ţ̸͍̮̟̼̘̊͑͗̎͌̈͗͗̏̓̅̽́̎͂͜t̴̘͇̯̳̞̮̓͗̅͆͒́́̾̏̿̑̕̚e̶̢̧̡̖͕̻̟̪̯̭͆̈̿̑̈́̚r̴̡͖͉͍̾̎͛̆̃̍̏͊̽̊s̶̡̨̺̦̰̳̯̠̅́͗͑̈́͗͗̉̽̑̄͛́͘͜.̴̨̳͍̹̪̮̩̦̥̩͉̘͕̣͍̈̏́͋̌̾̇̀

The editing goes insane. 

The heroes are freefalling through pages of their stories, all on fire. The stepmother is screaming and chasing after them. It reminds me a lot of Coraline being chased down the hall by the Other Mother. 

Pinnochio’s strings are returned to him (which, I am curious about considering he’s a warlock–we’ll see how that goes). 

“Worse than death, worse than the end of stories!” the Stepmother howls. 

She sucks in, inhaling all the pages in a weirdly Big Bad way, but before she can exhale, a golden door opens from Tim’s book. 

A golden rope is lassoed around them, they are pulled into the door, and it shuts. The stepmother is gone. 

On the other end of the rope is Scher plus SInbad and his crew.

“What the fuck was that?” Scher asks.

BITCH, GREAT QUESTION. 

And we’re gonna have to wait until next episode to start further unpacking this because I’m barely getting it in under the wire. 

In conclusion, AHHHHHHHHHHHH.