#this isn't anti meds just. no mood stabilizers have ever been worth it for me so im done w them.

[verved]

im so glad i can enjoy food again. like. i didn't realize how much my inability to eat enough food or enjoy what i could eat affected me. when i first got off the bupropion my appetite skyrocketed. i ate SO much maybe too much at times, bc my stomach had shrunk, but my body had quite literally been in starvation mode and suddenly i could EAT. i remember eating such simple foods, like a mandarin and some cheese and a few crackers, and while i had been able to stomach those things before, it was just that. being able to force it down without too much discomfort. but this time, when i ate them it i was moved to tears because i could enjoy it. it tasted ambrosial bc my appetite had finally returned!

yeah i gained weight initially. that was due to another medication that was next in line to be weaned off of. even if the weight didn't come off after being entirely off of all medication i wouldn't have cared. i could eat food and enjoy it. i still am heavier than i was pre-meds and i dont care at all. i will eat as much as i need to.

there was a lot about withdrawal that sucked ass. i couldn't sleep normally for months. i was exhausted from sleep deprivation. constant dizziness and weird mood swings. but being able to eat made it so worth it. the meds helped in some ways, but the way they killed all my appetite just was not worth it. just being able to eat again has basically replaced whatever mood stabilization they initially offered and then lost bc i was starving constantly.