#this last year of semesters has not made it feel like the homestretch towards my BA but!! yeah | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trashforhockeyguys · 3 years

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Don’t Hold Me -17- Carter Hart

All previous parts linked in my master list

A/N: Okay, so we’re officially in the homestretch of the series. This part is a little calm, no real huge shocking moments. Just a lot of thoughts. So enjoy my loves.

“C’mere. You look stressed.”

You wished you could tell him just how stressed you were. Every second you were waiting for a new text. A new rule to the game, another move Zachary wanted you to make. You wanted to be able to enjoy these moments with him, because you didn’t know how many more you were going to have. Zach made it very clear that he wanted all of this to crumble down around you.

“It’s just finals,” You lied, “I want to be as prepared as I can.”

“Babe, they aren’t for another couple of weeks,” Carter laughed, holding his arms open for you, “Just come over here.”

“Carter, they start next week.”

“Please? I just want to spend time with you. Not you and your books.”

You sighed and shut one of your textbooks before pushing away from the kitchen bar. You folded yourself into Carter’s side, wanting to be as close to him as you could. Deep down, you knew the smartest thing would be to put as much distance between you and him as you could, but you selfishly didn’t want to do that.

You liked being with him too much. You liked the feeling you got when you were with him. The warmth in your chest, the freedom you felt. Carter seemed to even make it easier to breathe, to think. You could just be when you were around him. There were no games, no part you had to play. You could just be a girl who was in love with a boy.

“See, this is better than going cross eyed over there,” He joked, kissing the top of your head, “Are you feeling better by the way?”

You almost questioned what he meant before you remembered how quickly you’d run from the game just the night before, “Yeah. I was just so tired. Been pulling all nighters.”

He held onto you a little tighter, “You’re going to run yourself into the ground before too long.”

If only he knew just how bad things would get. Finals were the least of your worries now. Maybe you’d be lucky to even make it that long. You might not even be able to sit them, whatever game Zachary wanted you to play...it could be over before then.

You tried to push those thoughts out of your head. All you wanted to do was just enjoy the feeling of Carter’s arms around you. The fireplace was on, he had a blanket around both of you, with some movie playing on the TV. Not that either of you were paying attention to it. You wanted to forget about all of it, just for the night. One more night where you could just be a girl in love.

“I don’t want the season to end,” You said honestly, “Or the semester. I’m not ready for you to leave.”

He looked down at you with such love in his eyes, “Come back home with me. Stay with me for the summer.”

You sat up, fully able to look at him now, “You want me to come to Canada with you?”

He shrugged, “That way neither of us has to say goodbye, and you were going to go with Travis anyway, so consider it a little change of plans.”

“A little change of plans? Isn’t Alberta on the other side of the country?”

He shrugged, a playful smile spread across his face, “Details. Just promise me you’ll think about it. Yeah?”

You nodded, “I’ll think about it.”

“I think you’d really like it. And my family...they want to meet you so bad,” He explained, “I’m sure Trav would gladly come stay for a week or two. Maybe all of us could go somewhere. Maybe Mexico or somewhere like that.”

He held you tighter again, you almost wondered why he was holding you as closely as he was. Carter normally did give you a little space to breathe, but tonight it seemed that the both of you were unwilling to let go. You didn’t mind though. Maybe if you could just hold him like this for a while it would be easier to walk away later.

The fireplace crackled in front of you, the TV on low providing more background noise than anything else. Your fingers slowly ran up and down his arms. You relished his warmth, wanting to just stay wrapped up in him forever.

You sat up a little bit to kiss him. The feeling of his lips against yours was nearly intoxicating. You just wanted more. You always wanted more with him. Like no amount was ever enough. You wanted to keep being with him. You wanted him, always.

And as the kisses started to fuel something more, all you could do was silently beg him for one thing. With every kiss, with every movement of his hands, with the way you climbed on top of him.

Distract me. Make me forget what will happen. Make sure I remember moments like this.

It became like a chant inside your head while your body said other things. You loved him so much it practically hurt, but in the best ways. You didn’t want to forget moments like this. You didn’t want to forget how it felt to be loved by him, fully and completely. You clung to him as he practically made your body sing.

And for a few moments, it was just you and Carter. Just the sound of your breathing and hearts hammering. Just the feel of his skin against yours, his lips seemingly everywhere. The way his hair tickled your neck when his head dropped onto your shoulder.

You tried to savor it all. You wanted to remember the moments like this. Where neither one of you were bothered by the outside world. The moments where you could just be two young people in love, without all of the other baggage.

You clung to him as he moved. He kept whispering how much he loved you. You wondered if he knew those words almost felt like a brand. But you didn’t want him to stop. Not as his fingers dug into your skin, teeth sinking into your shoulder, leaving behind a mark. You wanted all of it more than anything. For just a few more days, you wanted all of it. You wanted to be able to remember. Even if every second would make it harder for you to walk away when the time came.

What felt like hours later, both of you finally found your way back into the bedroom. The sheets were tangled around both of you. You never wanted to forget the comfort you felt while in his arms. The sense of safety he always brought to you. Because you knew he would protect you, even if it meant putting himself in the line of fire, he would do it. For reasons you didn’t understand, he chose you.

He wanted you….he loved you.

You watched as he slept next to you. All you wanted to do was memorize every feature. When you thought back on him years from now, you wanted to be able to remember every little detail. The way his hair, now fluffy from the amount of times your fingers ran through it and pulled on it, fell all over his face. The way his mouth was just slightly parted, although not even the smallest of snores seemed to escape this morning. You wanted to remember the way he often slept all scrunched up, but how today he was stretched out, an arm thrown around you. You wanted to remember the weight of that arm, the warmth of his body next to you, the way the mattress seemed to cave just enough to push you towards him.

You’d turned your phone off hours ago, just so that it would be you and Carter. No one else. Travis, Ethan, and Kora all knew how to reach you if needed. But for now, with no hockey for the next couple of days, and the fact that it was officially the weekend, it could just be you and Carter. Even if this would be the last time, it was all you needed.

Your heart seemed so full as you watched him sleep next to you. But you wouldn’t kid yourself, you knew that this wouldn’t always be your life. But even if Carter was just for a short time….such a short time...it would be okay. You’d known more love from him in the last months than you ever expected to know from anyone romantically.

He deserved the world for how he treated you, how he loved you. He deserved everything that you couldn’t give him. Your chest seemed to tighten at the thought of it. You would never be able to give him everything he should have from this life. You’d never be able to love him as freely as he loved you...no matter how much you wanted to. He deserved more than you’d ever be able to provide...he deserved a future.

You looked at him again, feeling tears burn your eyes. He was too peaceful. A type of peace you wouldn’t be able to give him when he was awake. You wanted him to always be this peaceful, but instead he was always worried about protecting you. You didn’t want that for him anymore. You didn’t want to ruin his early twenties.

You gently brushed a bit of hair out of his face, knowing he slept too hard for it to wake him up. The sky outside was still dark, but you couldn’t stay here any longer. You felt like the walls were closing in, and you couldn’t be here like this. So, you quietly dressed and left him a note, telling him that you needed to go back since you had a 6am class.

But that feeling in your chest didn’t go away when you left his building. Because you just wanted to turn around and cuddle back up with him. You wished you had the freedom to do that. So many things could be different if Zachary was never a part of your life. But would you have even been able to experience this level of love if he hadn’t?

But you couldn’t stop yourself from putting on the new dress you acquired the previous week and making your way down to Carter’s awaiting car. You weren’t even sure if you wanted to go to the event, but he looked so hopeful when he asked you. You just couldn’t say no to him. You wanted this to be another one of the good memories that you could look back on.

Carter leaned over to kiss you the moment you were in his car. It almost hurt to see just how happy he was. Would he still feel the same way about you if he knew you were playing games with the devil again? Would he want anything to do with you?

“You look….damn. Maybe we should just show up a little late.”

“We can’t, you’re expected to walk the carpet for all of the press.”

He sighed and brought your hand to his lips. You closed your eyes, trying to find a way to make the feeling go away. You felt like you were betraying him. Like you were betraying everyone. Ethan, Travis, Nolan, Kora...everyone.

“You okay?” Carter asked a few minutes later, “You’re really quiet.”

You nodded and took a second to find some sort of lie, “Kora was snoring really loudly last night, so I didn’t get much sleep.”

He laughed, so light and free. You hoped that you’d never forget the sound of his laugh. It was one of your favorite sounds in the whole world. Somehow, it always reminded you that there was still good in the world. That not everything was dark and broken.

“Baby, you know you can always come over. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night,” He told you, “I like waking up to you.”

You nodded again, trying not to give in to the ache that seemed to be growing in your chest, “Playoffs start soon. And finals are this week...it’s all almost over.”

If only he knew what all over really meant.

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