sageravenshire - Tumblr blog

[sageravenshire]

Oryus: did it hurt when you fell?

Kalt: from heaven? or in love?

Kalt: *winks*

Oryus: you just face-planted down a flight of stairs

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Silas: you’re in danger and in need of help, who do you call?

Kalt: Oryus

Silas: what if Oryus can’t help?

Kalt: if Oryus can’t help, we’re all fucked

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Kalt: *hands Oryus a note*

Oryus: what’s this

Kalt: it’s a request for you not to be a bitch today

Oryus: request denied

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Kalt: I hate being touched

Kalt: the last time I touched another person was hand-to-hand combat

Oryus: Ashe is literally hugging you right now

Kalt: this doesn’t count

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Jesse: Please don’t laugh at me if I misuse outdated cultural references. Are we cowabunga on this?

Oryus, about to cry: Yeah, we’re cowabunga on this

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Silas: Please, I’m begging you, go see a doctor

Ashe: I’m sorry, is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it

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Jesse: Why do people always ask me if I’m okay when I’m lying on the floor?

Jesse: Yes I’m okay. I’m living my best life

Jesse: Can’t a guy just lie down on the floor and stare blankly at the ceiling, listening to 1970’s Swedish pop sensation ABBA sing Waterloo? I’m having me time

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Jesse: I got everyone presents

Oryus: what is it?

Ashe: you got us jewelry?

Jesse: yeah, they’re mood rings so I know when anyone needs a hug

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Oryus: you guys are gonna be great parents one day

Ashe: we already are

Oryus: Jesse is not your child

Ashe & Kalt: *visibly offended*

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Kalt: Whoops

Silas: Whoops? WhoOPS? This is not a “whoops” situation. We are far past whoops. Whoops is a distant speck in the rear view mirror. We are solidly in “oh fuck” territory, and I expect you to act like it

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Ashe: Go ahead, ask Kalt something no one should have an opinion on

Jesse: Hey Kalt, what’s the worst multiple of 4?

Kalt, scowling: 12, obviously

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Kalt: whenever Ashe gets mad at me, I tighten all the jar lids in the house so she’ll come to me for help

*sounds of glass shattering in the distance*

Kalt: hasn’t worked yet but I’m sure it will someday

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Silas: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Ashe: What if it bites itself and I die?

Jesse: It’s voodoo!

Ashe: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Oryus: That’s correlation, not causation

Ashe: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

Kalt: That’s kinky

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Silas: Kalt, you’re crossing a line

Kalt: then don’t draw one

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Jesse: *sleeping*

Oryus, climbing in: move over

Jesse: wha-

Oryus, already snuggled in and closing his eyes: I got lonely shut up go to sleep

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Kalt: if I blended Red Bull, five hour energy, coffee, and hot Cheetos into an energy smoothie, would it kill me?

Silas, shrugging: only if you die

Kalt, plugging in the blender: you’re so smart

Jesse, running in: kALT STOP

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Kalt: Not to flex on you bitches or anything, but I’ve got AT LEAST twelve undiagnosed mental illnesses… Like, how many do you guys have?? Silas has two MAXIMUM… I win, motherfuckers

Therapist: Kalt, this isn’t a competition. I’m begging you to take your medication

Kalt: die