#this shitpost hits all the marks top quality

[cam-stopped-eating-candles]

Darwin had a theory called- or however that Tiktok went

[robomin]

an unbiased opinion of the most musically talented men in kpop

this is limited. to the men i listen to. so don’t come @ me for including your fave... cause chances are i don’t listen to them lol. this post is mostly shitposting anyway lmao! 

also, when i say musically talented i mean all-rounded, not just whether they’re a good singer/ dancer/ rapper - cause music is more than your talent for delivery 

1. young k (day6) 

crazy. man can sing (ridiculously well. he’s probably in my top 3 kpop vocalists) - his tone is crazy smooth, never falters and he almost never sounds like he’s straining to hit anything. plays the bass and guitar with so much Vibe and groove and feel - super authentic and just. Great! his musicality is generally through the roof -  his ear for harmonies and pitch is really great + the way he can mesh with this band mates and also improvise the greatest melodies?? he’s super slept on imo, especially when you consider the sheer amount of musical talent this man has. he’s quite the jack of all trades genius, in that his skill in everything is phenomenal, but he doesn’t just focus on one thing. in my opinion, that’s one of the marks of a true musician - not a specialist, not a producer, not a master vocalist, but a true blue musician with an insane musical sense. 

2. woozi (seventeen) 

i love him. so much. man really is a concentrated 165cm of musical talent. no doubt works hard but his natural instinct and musicality is undeniable. has such a good ear (esp w regards to expression, phrasing and generally catching loose ends - makes sense cause he’s such a good producer too but yes.) and his own vocal tone is insane. can hit notes that are high even for females to hit (though this is probably due to his natural vocal tone) + though can strain a lil (second life is fantastic but he does strain just a lil in the highest note; same for what kind of future) he’s super stable live and is just a good musician. not even gonna start on his composing sense - he’s truly a really gifted musician. i really really look up to him 

3. suga/ agust d (bts) 

i think yoongi blows my mind the most with his innovation - his stuff toes the line between dark and wistful - often actually falling solely into these two categories (oh and by stuff i don’t mean bts’ title tracks/ more commercialised stuff - i think it’s q clear where yoongi’s influence is in their music and i’m looking more into that) and yoongi really really knows how to infuse emotion into his music - something that woozi also does really well, but i think yoongi does better (i don’t think it’s deliberate, but his music tends to sound very raw and vulnerable - think first love and dear my friend) and i really love that authenticity. he definitely is experimental, and his flair for mixing elements and genres really is mind-blowing sometimes. quite in awe of his musicality. 

4. sam kim 

craaazy guitar genius boy! definitely has a lot of rnb and jazz influences - both in his guitar playing and in his songwriting - lots of push and pull in his music, makes it ever so rich and delicious! his voice is also full and velvety - a lil more gravely and mellow in comparison to young k’s, but has that same smooth quality that makes his music so great to listen to. i think where young k is a very versatile, more jack of all trades type genius, sam definitely is owning his genre and crafting a lil niche for himself, balancing jazz and rnb influences with some korean ballad styles and elements. it’s always exciting to see artists who’ve grown up in a more western environment infuse their music with that touch (vernon def does this, and stella jang is also a great example of a musician who marries korean and western influences in her music) i would say sam’s stuff tends to sound less full, and more delicate than anyone else on this list

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTER LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 9

oh goody!

well this is it. the Date Chapter. the chapter, in which, the Date happens. lowkey im so fucking hype for this stupid goddamn chapter AAAAAAAAAAAA this is when the sexy got kicked up about seven notches and i know its gonna be a fucking twenty from here on out so LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

“Is this your date, Ms. Fall?” he asked.

Cinder didn’t look away from Glynda. “Mhm.”

STRAIGHT OUT OF THE GODDAMN GATE WE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A SECOND TO EVEN GATHER OURSELVES JUST STRAIGHT UP HUH!!!!!!!!! ‘is this your date’ im legally dead

What the fuck.

already im fucking THRIVING im so glad this chapter’s mood got encapsulated within the first ten seconds and im definitely gonna have to re-read this chapter for the full unannotated experience OOOOOOOOOH MY GOD IM SO READY

Glynda’s thoughts ricocheted inside her head like coins left in a dryer. A part of her couldn’t understand what was happening and disengaged. The rest of her, grasping for purchase in all this, reasoned that going with Cinder was better than staying here confused, alone, and utterly displaced.

glynda ‘i aint ever had a gf before’ goodwitch at her PEAK right here. like GOD shes gone from ‘cinder’s trying to murder me’ to ‘cinder just plopped me right into a date’ like CINDER. CINDER YR CHANGING GEARS SO FAST. YOU DIDNT EVEN SEND FLOWERS OR ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

is it because shes a u-haul lesbian or

Higher, Glynda realized the dress itself was backless, revealing the black tattoo she’d seen so often before, perfectly centered between sharp shoulder blades.

this gay energy is BONKERS, quite frankly??????? where did cinder get her dress from? why does she have it? did she buy it just for this fuckery? or will she pull the ‘i just had a this lil number laying around’ line????????? does she wanna seduce glynda to death?????? was this PLANNED OR DID SHE JUST DECIDE SHE WANTED A DATE AND WTH LIFE REALLY IS SHORT ON REMNANT THESE DAYS?????????? cinder fall please explain your workings to the class

maybe Glynda wasn’t the only one who’d become adept at reading her opponent.

👏 when 👏 will 👏 they 👏 kiss 👏 already 👏👏👏👏

me: this is a slowburn also me: if u assholes dont give me this in the next ten seconds-

“Unarmed? As if you could be so helpless.”

cinder’s style of flirting is just. commentating on a person’s deadliness. that’s IT it’s the only TRICK SHE HAS and its working, is the thing,

im reading the description of the table and remembering the shitpost and oh my god i have to draw this???? hell IS real!!!!!! COULDNT YALL JUST TOSS EM IN A PLAIN BOX,

Cinder eyed her from her bastion of dark cushions,

cinder, ass-deep in cushions: this is peak cuddle territory come and join me

Cinder, for her part, seemed delighted Glynda had noticed. Touching the pendant more gently than Glynda might have ever thought her capable of, Cinder said,  “Yours? You didn’t seem to mind parting with it.”

im still deeply enjoying this powermove the novelty NEVER wears off (and at risk of light spoilers i do enjoy its place in this story 👀)

Cinder let the necklace drop, settling against the swell of her bust once more,

/lightly coughs 👀👀👀

im losing my MIND at how gay this bit is i physically cannot HANDLE IT and if they even describe the meal once im gonna pop off cause i am. SO HUNGRY RN. AAAAAAAAAAAA

Cinder indicated a dish of lamb and vegetables, served on a bed of rice and drizzled in some sort of sauce.

SRY THIS ISNT GAY BUT OH MY GOD IM SO HUNGRY I WANNA E A T I T THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD UGHGHGHGHGHGH WHY DID THIS CHAPTER HAVE TO BE TODAY OF ALL THE DAYS,

Glynda cleared her throat, working out: “The Grimm.”

like. GOD WE KNOW GLYNDA IS JUST SO FUNCTIONALLY BAD AT CONVERSATION BUT OF ALL THE THINGS glynda please just. just. stop thinking abt her sexy tattoos for a fifth of a second,

“You can control them.” A sedate blink. For all the world, Glynda might have just commented on the weather.

which is a faux pas for a date!!!!!!!!!!! at least tell her the DRESS IS SEXY WE ALL KNO WHATS WHAT YR THINKIN ABT

Glancing down as though it were being pointed out to her for the first time, Cinder shrugged and adjusted the end of the glove a little higher on her bicep. “And?” 

a quick aside im enjoying how like... visually expressive cinder is in this remaster! i can see her facial expressions and her motions really clearly in my mind’s eye which is a fun little boon if only because i have to redraw this nonsense hjsgdfjhfksgd but cinder’s got a Good Face this time around! A QUALITY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should know by now, there’s something about you that’s simply irresistible to Grimm.”

HERE COMES THE PLOT (and a single surviving line so far... this one sentence has survived all the world could throw at it... we stan)

Cinder straightened, and Glynda saw that this was what she’d been waiting for.

“It isn’t every day the great Glynda Goodwitch kneels before her adversary, is it?”

HELLO??????????????????????????? WHATS THIS WORDING????????? honestly tho for a second i thought she meant like. quite literally and i thought id missed some PROPER SHIT RIGHT THERE BUT YEAH WTH!!!!!!! C I N D E R

“You cheated. You can’t beat me on your own.”

yes glynda we gathered that yr a top

“Really, Glynda? Poison?” she sneered, something like offense simmering in her expression. “After all this?”

looks at the camera

anyway,

god im literally losing grasp of words to say because theres such a charged mood in this scene............. theyre brushing fingers............ trading jabs.......... im slurpin it up babey!!!!!!!! this rly is the BEST remaster of this whole scene it DESERVES this wordcount!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Beat you,” Cinder corrected. “And call it a point of pride.”

yes cinder we gathered yr a brat,

this dynamic is why this fic is so fuckign good when will winter have a swift return to add even more fuckery to this wild ride

Then, with a heavy-lidded look, Cinder found Glynda’s hand between them, the touch so sudden and daring that Glynda flinched. The fabric of those gloves was smooth against Glynda’s flesh, and for all that cruelty had marked every other instance of contact between them, Cinder was surprisingly gentle.

whomp there go my nuts

WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO MADE THE EXECUTIVE CHOICE TO ADD THIS LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO???????????? im losing my BRAINCELLS

What she wasn’t ready for was for Cinder to guide her hand to her own throat and hold it there.

THERE IS IT THERE’S THE KINK IT’S BEEN SPOTTED

oh my GOD what even IS THIS WHO ADDED THIS SECTION WHO ALLOWED THIS TO COME TO P A S S WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO????????? HEWWO??????????

Now… Now Cinder interested her.

tbh how can i liveblog this? what commentary can i POSSIBLY add that we arent already all THINKING. we just launched into a level of hell so deep that lucifers gonna have to pull some goddamn tricks to follow us down here!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THIS SCENE! THIS MOMENT! IM SCREAMING

Glynda mirrored the expression back at him, and finally, he coughed, not making strong eye contact with either of them. He set their plate before them and hurried out without so much as a check-in.

i just KNEW that was gonna happen JHGDSFGJHKSDF he was gonna walk in on SMTHNG but i didnt think itd be CINDER’S CHOKING KINK,

okay i took a break and ate my weight in roast chicken and we’re back babey

Almost nervously, her fingers carded through her own dark hair, and there, among the locks, Glynda spotted a glimpse of something white, structured and ridged.

AND I AM INSTANTLY KNOCKED BACK UPON MY ASS 👈W👈H😨A👈T👈

It was easier to ignore the rest of it—whatever it was.

glynda you are a fool and a moron im withering into DUST

On no level had she expected those to be Glynda’s words.

then what... did she expect... well probably -- and rightly so -- ‘bitch WHAT ARE THOSE’ TBH

wait sorry i have to jump back because i forgot customary fingerguns on the most brazen bit of Shit yet:

Cinder was occupying herself with something else: the head of a dragon, perched over the door and staring down at the two of them with red, glossy eyes.

👈👈👈😎👈👈👈

okay BACK TO THE FIC

Fangs snapped together around the word.

aka back to me horni

/chanting TEETH! TEETH! TE

okay but the reason i doubled back to catch that fingergun is because we’re getting ass-deep into plot now!!!!!!!!!!! WITCHES AND DRAGONS BABEY......... HERE’S WHAT OFFAL HUNT IS ALL ABT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant rly drop more fingerguns than that because any astute reader will start realising the dots im shouting abt and honestly half the fun of this fic is the ride so >:3c

“Funny. I was sure he would have told you.”

that blow was so low i think cinder hit the concrete with that one

oh god theyre gonna get to the bit and i-

“Is that what all of this has been about? You called me here to remind me that I'm autistic?”

/SCREAMS

The words were delivered firmly, calmly, but Cinder’s response was the opposite, sudden upheaval seizing her. Her expression opened in something akin to panic. “Wh—no? What? No! That's not what I—”

/SCREAMS

oh my GOD CINDER YOU HAVE FUCKED UP LEGENDARILY!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD SHE WAS FELL ASS-FIRST ONTO A LANDMINE OH MY GOD

offal hunt v1 cinder: im totally in control and im playing glynda every step of the way

offal hunt v2 cinder: OH JESUS OH FUCK OH NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT-

Cinder seemed genuinely stressed now, speaking quicker as though trying to bury the last sixty seconds.

i knew this remaster would have sections that would blow me away but this bit really took the fcuking cake DGHSJFSJHFDG holy SHIT this is AMAZING

It was difficult to tell in the low light, but if Glynda wasn't mistaken, there was a bright flush of embarrassment coloring Cinder’s cheeks.

this is SUCH prime content hey remember in one of the early liveblogs that cinder would descend into full dork? WELL THE DESCENT CAME EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /pops bottles

“Cinder.” There was a very real line of threat in Glynda’s tone. “Don’t.”

oh this whole scene just keeps getting better i am LOVING this dynamic now!!!!!!! before it was all pretty one-sided so having the conversation rock back and forth is 👌👌👌

That Witch soul of yours—it was designed to void out everything but the prey before you. To be numb to all human emotion. To focus on the hunt and nothing else.

finally the fruit of 50% of my fingerguns COMES TO LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! PLOT PLOT PLOT

“This is bullshit.” Jabbing an accusing finger at Cinder, Glynda said, “You’re a liar. You’re a criminal!”

i LOVE glyndas pottymouth in this its such a good like... change from her being strict and formal and teachery and now shes full on gremlin huntress hell YES BABY!!!!!!!!!! GO OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“There’s all kinds of things I bet he never told you.” Cinder continued. “Did you know he was close to your predecessor? The Witch who came before you—they were inseparable.”

SRY IM LIKE STRUGGLIN TO COMMENTATE because so much of this like. speaking as an Old-Ass Reader this is like. a LOT! A LOT HAS CHANGED and yet,,,, stayed the same,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, yall kids WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL CHAPTER LIKE................ 15 FOR THIS SHIT (but like. chapter 15 was different because this chapter used to be like chapter 7? so now everythings moved along so chapter 15 doesnt sound that impressive but trust me it was a different fic back then)

When they fell away, burnt and ruined, she could see Cinder’s bare arms for the first time. The red lines drawn across her skin sloped down the entire length of her arms, circling her elbows, carved into her wrists. They ended right at her hands, ensuring any long-sleeved garment would hide them. Every covered inch of her was filled like a canvas, like abstract art.

lets pause the fight scene for glynda to be gay!!!!! god im. okay look i said this earlier but im so glad we have more cinder like this tbh. the first version was rly lacking w/ cinder content until late-game when the plot sorta. got itself going? but now we’re eye-deep in this content i LOVE cinder i love this WEIRDO who is a HUGE LOSER and IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Glynda could not dispel the fear that she had been telling the truth.

and after committing Some Amount In Damages, we’re at the end of the chapter!

okay so i really enjoyed this version SO MUCH MORE. everything abt it was polished and worked together so much better and it really needed the space to breathe in its own chapter. its been horny, gay, intense, hilarious, and way more in one chapter and its SO good this really is PEAK offal hunt!!!!!!!!!!!! good job diesel and kc but im still going to murder you both,

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 4 – Andrew Does Shit No One Expects Him To, Pt. 2

In which Orange Sportsball finally starts to form into something resembling teamwork, the Foxes drag Neil for “I’m fine”, I suggest a quality mascot design, and Neil pulls some sweet stunts, only to be dramatically and jaw-droppingly out-stunted by Andrew ‘Extra’ Minyard.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

GUESS WHO’S FCKNG BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have risen from the ashes of my shattered laptop, finally ready to once again bring you the foxy shitpost content you love and deserve. I’m writing this from a Dell brick that probably came out while I was still in elementary school and weighs as much as a small child, but I don’t care. It has a keyboard and a screen and Microsoft Word, and that’s all that matters.

Back not with a fizzle, but with a bang: I bring you an event filled with drama, shade and Extra, brimming with excitement and recklessness –

The first actually epic Exy game of this series: Palmetto State vs Belmonte University.

(This is a tad longer to make up for lost time, so strap yourselves in.)

           They were driving back after the game instead of checking into a hotel for the night. (…) They could have just hired a driver like most schools did, but Wymack was almost as leery of dealing with outsiders as his Foxes were. It was apparently better to be uncomfortable but safe than to trust a stranger with his fractured team.

This is ya friendly reminder that Wymack is a badass protective mother hen and deserves everything good in this world. My dude :’)))))))))) #dicksoutforwymack

           They stopped for gas and a bathroom break, stopped again for a quick dinner, and crossed a time zone on their way to Nashville.

And this is ya friendly reminder that American is large as hell. DIFFERENT TIMEZONES. IN THE SAME COUNTRY. How is this a real place.

They arrive at the stadium and Neil is once again faced with his worst enemy (besides new clothes):

Communal showers.

           The only reason the Foxes had private stalls on the men’s room was because Wymack specifically commissioned them. Neil forcibly focused back on the task at hand. First he had to survive the game, then he could worry about the showers.

I initially wanted to make fun of the fact that this is a real sentence, but actually I kind of understand what it’s like to not want to show parts of your body to everyone, so. He gets a pass.

Also, the idea of trans!Neil just does not leave my head. I want a billion pieces of fanart/fanfic now.

It’s almost game time!

           Neil didn’t see the Vixens, the Foxes’ all-girls cheerleading squad, or their mascot Rocky Foxy.

The have a fucking mascot??? Oh my actual God. What is it, an oversized Fox? Complete with a jersey, a black eye and a big FUCK YOU spelled on its forehead to match the team?

Why have we never heard of this before, this is the best thing ever.

           [Belmonte’s Terrapin mascot] stopped a safe distance back from their benches to make a couple crude thrusts at them. Nicky was happy to return it until Wymack swatted him upside his head.

Oh Nicky, never change. <3

           Kevin pulled one of his racquets free, fingered the strings like they might have come loose on the drive, and went over to the court walls. He didn’t spare the crowd a single look; all he cared about was right in front of him.

And if you look to your left, you’ll see Kevin being his usual Exy-obsessed, stoic and mighty self.

Also ahehehehe… Fingered. Hi, I’m 12.

As they are getting ready, Neil gets some sweet advice from Kevin – basically, only do boring ass gameplay until the second half and then go so hard you and I both bust a nut, also Andrew should realistically collapse field from withdrawal but he’ll probably hold up through sheer ego alone.

Sounds legit and like there could be nothing going wrong with it, at all.

We also briefly meet Katelyn, Aaron’s crush and – as I’m guessing – probably his date for the banquet thingy they’ve got coming up soon.

(You think I forgot about that, didn’t you. I never forget about opportunities for Fox banter, dress-up and hilarious social situations.)

However it’s not entirely a fun encounter as it’s time for another episode of our popular show What The Actual Fuck, Andrew?:

           “Oh.” Andrew slapped his fist into his palm as if the answer had just occurred to him. He flashed Matt a wicked grin but answered in German. “Maybe he’s afraid she’ll die on him like the last woman he really loved.”

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, ANDREW. Also, what the actual fuck, backstory. I need it now.

No time to ponder on it, it’s game time, fuckers!

We’re kicking things off a bit unusual – literally:

           Neil listened for a serve that didn’t come. For a second he was afraid Allison would lock up and refuse to move. He was halfway to Herrera before he heard the distinctive thump of a ball against Andrew’s oversized racquet. Allison had served it back to him, and Andrew smashed it up the court toward the strikers.

Have I mentioned how much I love functioning teamwork amongst my children? Because fuck, yeah.

Have I mentioned what I also love? Some good ass Kevin/Neil Exy action.

           The only bright point was realizing his lessons with Kevin were paying off. (…) Passing wasn’t what Neil wanted to do in this game, but he could already see how he was improving. His shots were harder and more accurate, and it took him less time to figure out where to throw.

My beb :) improving :) being taught by Kevin because Kevin sees the heaps of potential in this boy and wants to make him the best he can :) I’m fine :)

           Wymack (…) send out his substitutes. Neil wasn’t between Kevin and the door, but Kevin detoured past him anyway on his way out.

           “Destroy him”, he said.

           Neil felt like he’d been waiting for this all his life. “Yeah.”

Fuck yEAH :’)))))))))))

(Again, reminding you all that I am passionate multishipper who gets into p much any ship if dynamics present themselves unto her, unless they are super problematic. If I make any comments about ships you don’t like – cool, we all have our own tastes but please don’t send me rude comments about it.)

From that point on, my friends, the game finally catches me and holds my attention way more than the first game did. It’s on, you guys. Passes are flying left and right and our faves are working together, I really cannot stress enough how much I love functioning teamwork.

And then, of course, Neil pulls This Shit™:

           He knew Herrera was right behind him for a body check. If he got crushed between the wall and Herrera, he’d lose the ball in the fight. Neil caught the ball right off the wall but didn’t try to protect it. Instead, he gave the butt of his racquet a hard pop with one fist. It sent the ball flying straight up out of the net. He dropped to his knees in the same breath.

           He almost wasn’t fast enough. Herrera crashed into him at full speed a half-second later, but Neil wasn’t where Herrera was expecting him to be. He tripped over Neil’s body and (…) crashed into the wall head-first. (…)

           Neil scooped the ball up and took off for goal. (…) He looked only at the goalkeeper and knew he was going to score. He put all of his first-half frustration behind his swing. The goalkeeper swatted at it and missed. The wall lit up red to confirm the point.

FFFUCKKK YEAHHH. This is the most badass shit he’s done since The Talk Show Incident™ (although nothing tops that ofc) and I am way proud of my son.

Also, Neil dealt with that backliner how I deal with my responsibilities: Letting them come at me full-speed and then swiftly ducking out of their reach.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Not before long, the first half is over and they’re at an even score! Amazing, wonderful, 100/10 proud mama right here.

           Neil couldn’t feel his feet, but he assumed they were down there somewhere. The shoulder he’d hurt in the first half was still throbbing thanks to the well-aimed blows of his new backliner mark.

What a fucking asshole move. Oh, you’re already injured there? Let me hit you a couple extra times, just for good measure, just to really fuck you up.

Remember that thing about Andrew staying off his meds, and how it’s going totally well? Yeah.

           Andrew stood a silent stone in their midst, looking a thousand miles away from all of this. He was a vacuum his teammates rowdy cheer couldn’t touch.

           “Stop it.” (…)

           Andrew slid a bored look Neil’s way. “I’m not doing anything.”

           “Exactly,” Neil wanted to say, but he knew it was a senseless argument. He didn’t have the right words for that gnawing feeling in his stomach.

Ah yes :)))

Wymack shows up and scolds them for not pushing harder earlier, yadda yadda, team talk. And then, I present to you the genuinely funniest thing to happen this chapter:

           Abby came to Neil last and stayed with him, feeling the line of his shoulder armour through his jersey. “How are you doing?” (…)

           “I’m fine.”

           Nicky fist-pumped in triumph. “Thank you for being so predictable, Neil. You just scored me ten bucks with two words.”

           Matt look up. “Are you serious? Who the hell bet against you?”

           Nicky jerked a thumb at Kevin. “There’s a sucker born every minute.”

I am hOWLING. I cannot believe they bet on his “I’m fine” oh my god this is the bEST.

DRAG. HIM.

The running gag of Neil “I’m fine” Josten will never not make my day. Neither will the Foxes’ obsession with betting on everything. I LOVE IT.

Kevin, never able to be anything but serious, drags him even more, but not in a fun way:

           “You’re an idiot. Do you see this?” he brandished his left hand at Neil. (…) “Injuries are not a joke. They are not something to gloss over. (…) If you ever say ‘I’m fine’ about your health again, I will make you rue the day you were born.”

Yikes.

           Abby eyed Neil. “I’ll ask again, then. Are you okay?”

           “I’m –“ It was too automatic a response. (…) “It’s just sore. So long as I can keep my mark off my right side I’ll be – okay.”

           Matt laughed at the near-miss. “I don’t see this experiment ending well, Neil.”

           “Some people are just hardwired to be stupid,” Wymack said.

I’m literally loving every single thing about this.

Fun times over, they go back on the field for second half, where Neil sits out on the sidelines at first and uses this opportunity to talk about his favourite subject: Andrew.

           “Why does Andrew do this?” Neil asked, unable to stay quiet any longer. “If he doesn’t care about Exy, what’s the point of going through this every Friday?”

           “Would you want to be crazy high every day of your life?” Matt asked.

No, but in my opinion, that still doesn’t add up. He could have probably picked any day to go meds-free, Wymack would have taken him anyways – I don’t know, pick every Sunday or every Monday or every Wednesday after lunch, it doesn’t matter. Why Exy?

The only logical reason to pick Exy days over other days is the possibility that – shocking! – Andrew does care about this dumb sport after all.

Excited for the final explanation of this. I have a hunch there’s still more to it.

In other news – my feelings:

           The Foxes were notorious for their shoddy teamwork, so most people forgot they were a Class I school. (…) If the Foxes could get over their differences and learn to compromise every once in a while, they’d be a formidable force. (…)

           Neil wanted to be part of this evolution. He wanted to feel the team click into perfect synchrony, even if it lasted only a moment.

Give me all that good teamwork, and give it to me now.

           The Terrapins came as hard as they could, but the Foxes shoved back with a ferocity the home team wasn’t expecting. They were exhausted, but Matt rallied the defense around him and Neil had permission to run himself ragged on the offense. (…) Every minute on the court brought him one minute closer to saying goodbye to Exy forever. He didn’t want to miss a single second.

As always, angst is the best motivator.

They’re all getting fired up and playing their hearts out when we near the most dramatic part of the game – the Foxes in the lead by one point, sixty seconds left on the clock. And then –

           Eight seconds from the end a terrapin striker got the ball. Aaron ran after him, but he was too exhausted to close the gap. The striker’s ten steps took him all the way to the foul line for his shot.

Oh shit.

           The goal was too wide and Andrew too small; there was no way Andrew could stop a shot this close-range. (…) Even if Andrew could get there fast enough, the ball was too low to the ground for him to swing his massive racquet.

Oh. Shit.

           Except Andrew was moving before the striker finished taking his shot, as if he already knew where the striker was going to aim, and he didn’t even try to swing. He threw himself at the ground as far over as he could and slammed his racquet down between the ball and the goals so hard Neil heard wood crack all the way across the court. He was just fast enough; the ball hit the taut strings of his racquet and bounced off.

OH SHITTTTTTTTT!!!!! BOI!!!!!! THE FUCK!!!!!! IM YELLING!!!!

This is exactly the sort of Extra and Dramatic Shit™ I was missing.

HOLY SHIT, WHAT A SAVE.

And with that, the game is over, FUCK YEAH.

Andrew, of course, is now completely done.

           Kevin didn’t have to ask what was going on. He’d lied to cameras for years and knew how to buy Andrew time. (…)

           Andrew let go with one hand and gestured. Kevin gestured back as if having an actual conversation. The only sound either of them made was the desperate gasp of air through clenched teeth as Andrew tried not to get sick in front of the crowd.

Cool move, actually. They seem to have done this before? I continue being beyond intrigued by their dynamic.

           The rest of the team fell in around them, bringing the celebration to their strikers and forming an impromptu barricade around their fallen goalkeeper.

Team <333

Protect that smol sick bastard, he just saved all your asses.

They get Andrew off the court safely, and with that, it’s good things all around.

           Neil had never seen Wymack smile like this. It was small but fierce, as angry as it was proud. “That’s more like it. Draw sticks and figure out who’s helping me fend off the press. The rest of you get your sticky, stinky asses to the showers.”

What a DAD. Love him.

           “Renee and I will handle it,” Dan said as they headed to the locker room. “Neil, you can use the girls’ showers while we’re busy.”

           Neil stared at her. “What?”

           Dan frowned at him, so Matt explained. “There aren’t stalls here.”

LET ME FUCKING LOVE YOU. I cannot get over this move, what the hell, that is so sweet.

Foxes being there for each other :’) I’m fine :’)))))))))))))

           Neil had noticed, but he hadn’t thought his teammates would. That they had, and that they were doing something about it, knocked the wind out of him. He tried to answer, but he didn’t know what to say. The best he managed was, “Is that really okay?”

           “Kid, you’re killing me,” Nicky said. “Why do you always get that deer-in-the-headlights look when someone does something nice for you?”

Yet another installment in our popular series Neil Doesn’t Realize People Actually Care About Him, episode 4 of a billion!

Before we finally leave this long-ass trip of a chapter, Andrew briefly joins Wymack, Andrew, and Andrew’s new best friend Johnnie Walker Blue for a chat:

           “Why did you pay for stalls, Coach?”

           Wymack lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Maybe I knew you’d need them one day.”

           Andrew smiled around the mouth of his bottle. “Neil is a walking tragedy.”

           “You’re a pretty pathetic sob story yourself,” Wymack said.

Smol beans :’) bonding over how fucked up they are :’) love em.

Also #dicksoutforwymack, all day, every day. Maybe I knew you’d need them one day, holy shit, please have my platonic babies.

           Andrew headed for the door, but Neil put a hand in his path. “How did you do it? How did you know where to go?”

           “Coach said Watts always takes his penalty shots to the bottom corner. With the game riding on him he was bound to do the same.”

           Neil stared at him, startled and disbelieving. (…) It’d been an off-the-cuff remark amidst a lot of other information. Neil hadn’t thought Andrew was even paying attention to Wymack’s spiel.

Well, my dude, seems like someone gives more fucks than we all were starting to think. OF FUCKING COURSE. I’m still grinning my face off writing this.

And with that, they’re off, back on the bus home, and we’re letting this chapter ring out but some good ol’ Neil “Oh shit, what’s this, good feelings, get them away from me” Josten.

           As he listened to them, Neil realized he was happy. It was such an unexpected and unfamiliar feeling that he lost track of the conversation for a minute. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this included or safe. It was nice but dangerous.

           Someone with a past like his, whose very survival depended on secrecy and lies, couldn’t afford to let his guard down. But as Nicky laughed and leaned closer to talk about one of Neil’s goals, Neil thought maybe he’d be okay for just one night.

:’))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Nicki out.

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