#tho teenage Butters being unhidged is a thought I adore

[heloflor]

A few random personal headcanons about Cartman, Butters, and both :

1. Cartman doodles in class. I mean, we know from “Fractured but Whole” that he draws in a journal (regardless of the fact that the content of said journal is fucked up) + he seems to enjoy making visual representation of his schemes. So given how he doesn’t give a shit about school, he could definitely end up drawing to pass the time.

And the doodles he would make could depend on his mood or what’s on his mind. Like, when he was dating Heidi, he drew her or the two of them together; if he’s mad at Kyle or Tolkien or someone else, he’ll draw them being hurt or humiliated; if he’s thinking about a “get-rich-quick scheme”, he’ll draw himself and possibly Butters swimming in money.

    2. Butters knows how to do quite a few shady things due to his friendship with Cartman. He would know how to pick a lock, how to remove fingerprints/avoid putting fingerprints or even stuff like how to bury a body or commit arson etc.

Everytime he would nonchalantly show those skills to Stan and Kyle, the two would be floored by it, while Kenny would already know about those skills (and be worried about it). Also if Stan and/or Kyle question Butters about it, Cartman would back it up like “yeah, obviously he knows how to do that ! Do you have any idea how hard it is to carry a body by yourself ?” as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

    3. Kinda related to the previous one but Cartman would also willingly teach Butters random things just for the heck of it/because they’re friends. And by that I’m mostly thinking about how Cartman can play the harmonica (the “I hate you guys” song + his blues song from “Whale Whores”) and, in “Fractured But Whole”, Butters plays a song about being grounded in the tune of “I hate you guys”, giving off the impression that Cartman’s the one who taught him how to play the harmonica.

    4. The Stotch parents don’t like the Cartmans, especially Stephen. Between Liane having little to no control over her son (Stephen doesn’t understand how you can let your kid walk all over you) and Stephen seeing/hearing about Butters “getting gay” with Cartman (not helped by him projecting his insecurities over his sexuality onto Butters), the Stotches just can’t bring themselves to have a good opinion on the Cartmans.

Ultimately, they only let their son hang out with Cartman because the kid doesn’t really have any other close friends his age. And it’s not like they can stop Cartman anyways (thinking about the confrontation in the trailer of the Vaccination Special with Cartman immediately getting aggressive towards Stephen)

Oh yeah, and after the events of “Band in China”, the Stotches would not-so-subtly make offhand remarks about Butters having new close friends now and how he should hang out with them instead of Cartman. Butters, of course, doesn’t listen.

    5. 10 years-old Butters being light as a feather and sometimes Cartman carrying a pissed off Butters over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

(for example, imagine Butters yelling at some people who pissed him off but Cartman doesn’t have time for this and since Butters doesn’t want to stop, Cartman just grabs him, hauls him onto his shoulder and walks away with the kid flipping the bird to the people who pissed him off. Though Cartman would probably stop carrying him by throwing him onto the ground/randomly letting go, with Butters falling on his ass pretty hard : / )

    6. While pretty much every kid grows out of being touchy, with some specific exceptions like Stan and Kyle remaining touchy towards each other, Cartman continues to be just as touchy towards everyone even as he grows older.

    7. Something inspired by a youtube comment on a video that had Butters going apeshit (I think it was the scene from “Grounded Vindaloop”) : Butters as a teenager having huge anger issues and in general being out of control. Overall, he’d still be a sweet person when in a good mood but would be very easy to anger.

On that same note, he’d probably have little to no patience with bullshit since after dealing with abuse for so long he’s just done with everyone’s shit. His parents would have no idea how to deal with his rebellious tendencies (and would probably blame Cartman for it).

  In general, his relationship with his parents would be weird. Like, Butters is still afraid of punishment and still doesn’t want to get in trouble with them, but at the same time he would absolutely talk back and, if things get too heated and he gets sent in his room, he would either tell them to fuck off and run outside or get in his room and leave through the window.

Also, Butters still does love his parents. There was this one post about the idea of Butters eventually realizing that Stephen and Linda are messed up people who did want their son to be happy but had no idea how to be good parents, with Butters deciding to forgive them and still try to have a good relationship with them. I really like this idea, though I do feel that Butters would learn to stand up for himself and call his parents out on their behavior, partly for himself but also partly to help them.

  Ultimately, the main 4, especially Cartman and Kenny, would be the ones who kinda know how to handle him (not that well tho depending on how he feels). I could actually see Kenny being better at calming him down since he's better with emotions and empathy than Cartman (tbf, literally 90% of the characters in this show are better with empathy than Cartman). Stan would also probably try there and there since he and Butters seem to be good friends, but he would struggle too.

    8. A few bonus teen headcanons about the whole main 5 and cars since we’re at it :

- Stan would be the first to get his license, in a mix of him wanting to be able to go to town whenever and his father wanting to teach him (though in order to get Stan to help with the farm). Depending how much his family makes, he might get a car pretty early (and maybe Jimbo might help him find one ?)

- Kyle and Butters would likely be second, with their respective parents wanting them to learn essential skills. And since I think both families have two cars, both could ride pretty much anytime. Kenny wouldn’t be too far behind but wouldn’t be able to afford a car. As for Cartman, he’ll probably struggle to learn since he’s a stubborn asshole but eventually get his license. Like Kenny though, he can’t afford a car but could sometimes take his mother’s.

(note that I have no idea how much a car costs in the US)

- While both Stan and Kyle have their licenses, Stan tries to find random excuses in order to either drive Kyle or get a ride from him. Even after Kyle realizes what Stan is doing, he still lets it happen cause he’s not going to walk away from an opportunity to spend time with his best friend, even if just for a car ride.

- Kenny doesn’t usually ask for a ride because he doesn’t want to inconvenience his friends, but he never says no when one of the boys offers him a ride (unless he wants to walk alone while in his thoughts).

- Kyle banned Cartman from being in his car due to Cartman always letting bags of food around or being bitchy about the interior and the music choices. And since Stan often rides with Kyle and doesn’t want to hear the two fight, he rarely takes Cartman in. So Butters ends up being Cartman’s taxi.

- Oh yeah and as it turns out Cartman is fine with picking up his trash in Butters’ car. Cue Kyle losing his shit over this.

- I’ve read fics in which Cartman has like a big car to drive the whole main 5 and I love this idea (tho I don’t see it happen immediately because, again, money). Although the rest of the group probably wouldn’t like Cartman’s music choice.

- Speaking of which, Cartman having a playlist to listen to during drives and pouring his heart out singing. Depending of the songs, Kenny and Butters might join. Stan sometimes gets annoyed, sometimes likes the song and is fine with the singing, tho he’s cringing a bit. Kyle is mostly annoyed but doesn’t want to start a screaming match with Cartman where neither of them can leave. Sometimes, Cartman might sing badly on purpose to get on Kyle’s nerves, in which case Stan sides with Kyle in telling Cartman to stop being an asshole.