#thomasjeffersonangst

[deja-you]

narcissus & echo

t. jefferson x reader

“You look absolutely breathtaking.”

Thomas handed you a cool glass of champagne. To his credit, you did look stunning. It had only taken a couple hours to achieve the look, but seeing that look on his face made it all worth it. 

“What can I say?” You shrugged. “I like getting dressed up for these work events.”

“Perks of the job,” Thomas mused, wrapping a hand around your waist. 

Thomas’s boss, Mr. Washington, stood up to give a short, sweet speech, and then announced the dance floor was open. A string quartet the company had hired struck up a jazzy tune, and taking Thomas’s hand, you led him out onto the dance floor.

It was almost like your hips had been sculpted for Thomas’s hands because they fit there so perfectly. You slipped your hands around his shoulders, and together you danced around the room. 

“These are my favorite moments, you know.” Your lips were pressed up against his ear.

“Are they, now?”

You nodded. “When I’m in your arms. And it’s only me. No distractions. Your eyes are only on me.”

His lips were tugged into a smile. You could feel it against your skin. 

“Darling, believe me, you’ve got everyones’ eyes on you.”

“That’s sweet. But I’ve only ever wanted yours.”

The song came to an end. Regretfully, Thomas pulled away. But they didn’t leave the dance floor immediately. For a second, he just wanted to admire the woman standing in front of him.

“What is it?” You questioned.

He just shook his head and smiled. Then he pulled your hand up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your knuckles. Your diamond engagement ring sparkled under the light of the chandeliers.

The elevator music was catchy. You found yourself tapping your foot to the beat as it climbed past the 17th floor. A ding! signaled that you had reached your location, and you happily stepped off. 

You knew exactly where you were going, as you had walked this path many times when you and Thomas had first started dating. It had been a while since you visited him at his office, but today you had decided to surprise your fiancé with lunch. 

“Sally, is Thomas in?” You asked his receptionist.

She nodded. “Yes, ma’am. I don’t have you down on his calendar, but I’m sure he can make time for you. Go on in.”

“Thank you, Sally.” 

Quietly opening the door to his office, you found that Thomas was sitting in his chair, facing the New York skyline with a phone pressed to his ear.

“The merger is going to go through perfectly, Marshall,” he said into the phone. He paused for a moment to let the man on the other end of the line respond. “Yes, I’m 100% confident.”

You made his way to his side and lightly tapped on his shoulder. He glanced up with a surprised look on his face. Seeing it was you, he pointed the phone in his hand and held up one finger. 

“Uh huh. Marshall, can I call you back? Yeah, something else just came up.” 

Thomas said his goodbye to the man on the phone, then hung up. He turned to look at you with a confused stare.

“What are you doing here, darling?”

“I just thought I would stop by and have lunch with you. Is now not a good time?” You asked cautiously. 

He gave you a sympathetic look. “I just wish you had called an hour ago. I’m a bit swamped right now.”

“Oh, I see-”

His phone lit up and began buzzing on the table with another call.

“I’m sorry, darling, but I need to take this. I’ll see you tonight?” He didn’t wait for a reply before he picked up the phone again.

“See you tonight.” You repeated. 

“So I was thinking we could stay in tonight? Maybe watch something-”

You froze when you saw Thomas walk out of the bedroom wearing his tuxedo with that signature magenta bowtie. 

“-unless you’re going somewhere.” Your heart sunk. 

“I have that gala to be at, remember? And I’m sure you don’t want to have to sit through it with me.” He stood in front of the mirror by the door to make a few last-minute adjustments to his outfit.

Words were caught in your throat. The of-course-I-want-to-be-at-that-gala-as-long-as-you’re-there kind of words. But they were caught. They never made it past your lips. At some point you had started crying. You don’t know when, but you quickly wiped at the tears on your cheeks.

It was insensible to be crying over a trivial matter like this, right? It was only one night. You would see him tomorrow. And besides, he was doing something that made him happy. Didn’t he deserve that?

“Damn, I look good.” Thomas said to his reflection. “Tell me I look handsome.”

Forcing a smile onto your face, you said, “you look handsome.”

The bags were packed before he had come home. It was already late evening and he hadn’t even noticed. He sat in the kitchen working on his computer. He had spent the whole day working on his computer, and it was no different when he came back home. 

Some part of you had hoped that tonight would be different. That tonight Thomas would come home and sweep you off your feet, taking you to that French restaurant that he knew you loved. Or did he even know that anymore? 

You would’ve settled for a night in. Just one night in pajamas with macaroni that came out of a box. That would have been enough to make you stay at this point. It was growing later, and you were still looking for some reason to stay. 

“The settlement offer was huge. God, I was fantastic in there today. Really, just phenomenal.” You weren’t sure whether he was talking to himself or you.

“Thomas.”

“And Washington said if I keep working like this, I’d be looking at my name on the wall next to his in no time.”

“Thomas,” you repeated, more desperately.

“Can you imagine it?” He laughed. “My name on the wall!”

“Thomas, I’m leaving.”

He paused for a moment, but didn’t look up from his computer.

“It’s past 10, don’t you think it’s a little too late to be going out?” He went back to typing. 

“That’s not what I meant.” You slipped the engagement ring off your finger and placed it on the counter in front of him. “Thomas, I’m leaving.”

Finally, he looked at you. “Darling...”

And, oh. How good did it feel when he called you darling again? It almost made those lonely nights worth it. Almost.

“I can’t do this anymore. You break my heart every night. And I let you.” You shook your head in disappointment, although for who, you weren’t quite sure. “I never see you anymore.”

“You know I’ve been busy lately at work...”

“But when won’t you be busy?”

He was silent.

“I love you, Thomas. I always will.”

You leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to his cheek. 

“Goodbye.”

Taking your bags, you walked out the door. The very same door that Thomas had first declared his love for you in front of. The very same door you walked through every day to the place that you had learned to call home. 

“Goodbye,” he echoed.