#though I mean I've also met multiple people whose doctors refused to even consider the possibility that they could have a tumor...

[gothhabiba]

Pysch anon- in the past, I’ve thought things that were not Consistent With Reality, but that I don’t know were necessarily delusions? Like, I had the classic abused person’s belief that everyone I knew hated me and wished me harm and that I wasn’t human (but given my circumstances that wasn’t really irrational), or I’ve briefly been convinced that I was a god or other people were actually robots who merely seemed human, ((I still have ask-length restrictions, sorry) 1/4)

(2/4) but I knew that these were thoughts I ought to not entertain, and they went away on their own if I refused to do so. For the past several months now, I’ve been having hallucinations, mostly of seeing people, animals, etc. that aren’t there. They aren’t distressing, and for much of the time it’s been happening I’ve been able to dismiss it as something else, so they aren’t really affecting my life, and aside from them, I’m doing better mentally than I have been maybe ever.

(3/4) The main things that are upsetting about them are 1.) having another thing that I can’t really safely talk about w other people and 2.) having my perception called into question again after I had to work so hard to be able to trust it. So now I’m not sure what I should do. I’m in therapy for the abuse trauma right now, and my therapist has been v chill about other stigmatized issues I’ve talked about, but I’m still hesitant to bring this up,

(4/4) and since it’s Probably not brain cancer and I’d prefer to save my “credibility” and goodwill for actually-distressing physical issues, it seems like a bad idea to tell my GP. As someone who’s been through similar stuff, do you have any advice on dealing with any of this? Tysm in advance.

I don't know how much help I'll be since I haven't been involved with a therapist or psychiatrist for the last 8 years or so, & my fixed idea + hallucination stuff didn't really come on until later. I think you have a few things to weigh against each other here—

A diagnosis of any psychotic disorder makes people more likely to be forcibly institutionalised and discredited by court systems (e.g. if seeking custody of a child or defending oneself from criminal allegations). Diagnosis may also be necessary to receive certain kinds of treatment. If you're not distressed by your symptoms or seeking treatment at this time, it's all risk and no gain on that front.

If you feel that your therapist is generally supportive and you'd like to be able to talk about this with them, I think it makes sense to trust your gut on that one (as in, you of course know this therapist better than I do)—but maybe ask how any notes they take about you are used by or accessible to anyone else, including if you switch practices, and what their practices with diagnosis are (i.e., some therapists or psychiatrists may withhold official diagnosis for the above reasons).

You express some concern that this could be something with a more definite physical etiology—do you have any other symptoms, or any family history of (brain) tumors? If so, either of those things may be enough to talk to your GP about without mentioning the hallucinations.

It's absolutely maddening (ha) that we have to juggle these kinds of things against each other when trying to receive care for things. I hope you can get some resolution soon, whatever you chuse to do 💜