#thrillor

[paralyziingfears]

[  ....  ]                that  day  still  replayed  in  xander's  mind  like  a  broken  record,  one  that  was  stuck  on  the  part  where  he  walked  away  and  left  her  behind  in  that  gorgeous  white  dress.  nothing  he  could  ever  do  could  make  up  for  what  he  did;  he  knew  that  and  his  heart  was  irreparable  because  of  it,  his  own  consequence.  no  amount  of  apologies,  flowers,  or  explanations  would  ever  make  up  for  what  he  did  to  anya.  he  deserved  to  see  her  every  day  and  listen  to  every  insult  she  would  hurl  at  him;  he  deserved  much  worse  than  that,  actually.  he  woke  up  every  day  with  a  black  hole  where  his  heart  should;  walking,  talking,  but  not  feeling  one  bit  of  anything.  he  was  ...  at  peace  with  that.

when  he  saw  @thrillor  walk  up  to  the  magic  shop's  front  door  from  the  corner  of  the  street,  unlocking  the  door  to  open  up  her  shop,  he  could  feel  his  nerves  settling  in.  all  he  truly  wanted  to  do  was  to  make  sure  she  was  doing  okay.  he  wasn't  going  to  beg  nor  grovel  or  even  explain  any  further  why  he  did  what  he  did  because  it  wouldn't  matter.  it  wouldn't  change  anything.  he  did  what  he  did  and  he  had  to  live  with  that.  he  walked  up  to  anya  from  behind  her,  greeting  her  with  a  soft  'hey'  with  his  hands  meekly  stuffed  in  the  pockets  of  his  coat.

❛  you're  the  last  person  i  wanted  to  see,  actually.  ❜

he  sighed  deeply.  that  stung  a  little.  at  least  he  knew  he  could  still  feel;  even  if  it  was  only  for  her.  ❝  i  know  ...  i  probably  shouldn't  even  be  here  ❞  he  started,  taking  in  a  deep  breath.  ❝  i  just   —   i  needed  to  make  sure  you  doin'  alright.  that's  all.  ❞

[solrites]

@thrillor, for benji, with love (for real this time).

HER HANDS ARE ALWAYS TENDER, but she takes great effort with him. they're always so shaky (blame it on her inherent anxiety or trauma or both, who knows) - but she has her muscles in her arms tensed very tightly to prevent the shakiness. to prevent the bumping of her fingertips into the delicate, aching skin of his chest. what's that quote? it's rotten work / not if it's you. this isn't ROTTEN WORK, it never has been. it's all trust and love and intimacy here. her digits are slick with vaseline, and she rubs it with a featherlight touch on his skin. she whined and huffed about it for hours - because she could heal him with her gifts, but it gives her headaches and nosebleeds, usually - and he winds up fussing over it. so back to basics. how normal people do.

she thinks it's a privilege, in a way. that they get to take care of each other like this. golden eyes flicker up, head tilting to the side. carefully taking in ben's reactions. the last thing she'd ever want to do is to HURT HIM, or even cause the littlest sting (it might send her into tears, but that's neither here nor there). sol chews on her bottom lip, her voice soft. a whisper, like they're sharing secrets - even if it's only them in her apartment. maybe they do share secrets, after all, it is a secret to everyone that they're MARRIED.

"am - am i hurting you? y-you have to tell me if i am. i - i can just heal you, benji."

[arch-whatscanon]

@thrillor asked : [ THEY’RE A 10 BUT … ] they married a spankoffski

and the husbands of hatchetfield can now rest peacefully.

[outguilt]

leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone ⎯ why couldn't people, dead or alive, just leave him be ? that was all he wanted in this damn new world. he kept his gun visible but tucked down at his side. a warning that he was armed. though he knew the other most likely was too. most people were smart enough these days to at least carry a knife. god, he just wanted to eat and lay his head down for a few hours. he had been so sure this place was empty. " if you were smart . . . you'd turn back now. " / @thrillor

[atakeflight]

❛ Spleesh Fry, I'm tryin' to work on my thesis and junk... ❜ the only reason she was overly angry with her tone was because ... goofing off with him sounded so much more fun than looking at these numbers any longer. Between working at Planet Express and working directly with the professor at Mars U, she barely had any time to actually work on her thesis, but now here was fry and he was proposing some sort of --- she hadn't been listening, but it's Fry so she knows it's going to be fun. UGH. She had no chill, and turned to face him. ❛ fine, whats the plan? ❜

𝐖𝐄'𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘. - 𝐀𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 ft @thrillor

[hivechose]

@thrillor liked for a starter

"Shauna, hey-" Taissa pivots as she walks, changing direction to follow Shauna. Of course she has seen Shauna start to pull away from the rest of the group. Even if Tai has been a bit occupied making sure she was the informal second in command—she's the most qualified to do any sort of leadership, so if she can't be the one in charge, then she can at least try and help cover the areas where Natalie struggles. Or, more accurately, be in a spot where more power might conveniently fall into her lap, but Taissa would never describe it like that. Taissa isn't the type to be blinded by her ambitions, even if they are her main focus. Shauna has become one of Tai's closest friends out here, of course she notices Shauna withdraw more.

Some of it's to be expected, of course—anyone would withdraw having gone through what Shauna has. But Tai doesn't want her to slip away completely. So she tries to walk the line of being persistent while still trying to let Shauna direct things to where she's comfortable. "I was going to go see what I could find for berries a little ways out, I could use an extra set of eyes and hands, if you're not busy." It's a lie, but she figures it might be easier to talk away from the others.

[realtennis]

@thrillor

art was sitting in the sauna, relaxing for lack of a better word. when art relaxed, it was less about stress relief and more about diligently forcing his muscles to untense, his jaw to unclench, and his soul to become unmoored from his body, the only thing that facilitated the rest. the sound of another person entering the sauna. he took the towel off his face and looked over at patrick before rolling his eyes and replacing it.

"i'll be leaving soon, don't bother."

[paralyziingfears]

[  ....  ]                  it  was  difficult  for  connor  to  fit  in  this   —   'normal'  routine.  coming  from  a  hell  dimension  straight  into  the  world  you  were  supposed  to  grow  up  in  was  an  immense  and  jarring  change;  one  he  never  thought  would  be  possible.  for  a  long  time,  he  thought  he  was  stuck  in  quor'toth  with  no  chance  of  escape  but,  he  found  that  portal  and  made  his  way  through.  sometimes  he  wished  he  hadn't.  things  were  simpler  there;  demons  evil,  you  kill  them.  there  were  no  rules  or  expectations  from  society.  now  he  had  to  change  his  whole  perspective  on  life.  he  had  to  rediscover  and  reinvent  himself.  he  spent  most  of  his  time,  however,  patrolling  the  streets  of  los  angeles  and  taking  out  any  vampire  or  demon  that  dared  threaten  him  or  an  innocent  human  being.  it  was  the  only  way  he  knew  how  to  take  out  his  aggression  and  frustration.

he  made  his  way  back  to  the  hotel  and  was  quick  to  sprint  up  the  stairs,  hoping  to  avoid  @thrillor  and  gunn  in  the  lobby,  straight  to  his  room.  he  went  straight  for  his  closet  and  undressed  out  of  his  bloody  clothes,  pulling  on  a  fresh  shirt.  headed  for  the  bathroom,  he  washed  his  face  and  winced  any  time  he  pressed  on  a  tender  cut  or  bruise  that  he  received  from  combat.  that's  when  he  heard  cordelia's  voice  enter  in  his  room.  he  peeked  out  of  the  bathroom,  avoiding  eye  contact  with  her,  ❝  i'm  fine  ❞  he  simply  replied,  void  of  emotion.  he  moved  over  to  his  bed  and  sat  on  the  edge,  taking  out  bandages  from  his  nightstand  to  wrap  around  the  gash  on  his  arm.  cordelia  continued  to  insistent  on  patching  up  his  wounds,  though,  when  all  he  wanted  was  to  be  left  alone.  ❝  cordy,  seriously.  i'm  fine.  you  don't   —   ❞  he  was  cut  off.

❝  I'll  check  in  on  you  in  an  hour.  You'd  better  not  have  moved.  ❞

he  sighed  deeply,  falling  back  on  the  bed  and  stared  up  at  the  ceiling.  there  was  no  chance  for  some  alone  time,  was  there?

[scatcrccio]

@thrillor (shauna) sent: ❛ i’ll never be that me again. ❜

IT WAS ALWAYS A DIFFICULT, STRANGE SORT OF TOSS UP as to why Natalie specifically had been chosen into the role of leadership among the group back then, in the wilderness. Because Lottie said so—? Because Natalie was ( at one point ) good with a rifle and hunted for the rest of them—? Travis had always been there right along with her and Shauna did her part as the butcher. So then, why not Shauna? Nat had always seen herself as nothing more than a pawn at the bottom of the barrel. No one of real worth to note. Shauna however, was better skilled in most things, she was better at the game ( in all forms, soccer included, but also in the game of life in general ); she'd proven that. Dealt with more heartache and turmoil out there than any of them did losing her child and the strength that followed was both physically and mentally present. Maybe it was just jealousy that strangled a web into their overall relationship as a whole but even Nat knew that Shauna didn't deserve to go through the amount of shit that she did. They all went through shit, sure, but Shauna suffered differently and argumentatively more intensely without much credit given. Or at least, not to the extent of credit that was deserved. Natalie may have been the hunter, but Shauna was the one who wielded the knife and had to do the unthinkable each and every time. So then, why shouldn't it have been Shauna at the helm when she was the primary provider? Seeing the nitty gritty of it all while the rest of them sat on the sidelines with gazes pointed elsewhere. All because Natalie was the first to pull the Queen card and get away. It meant jack shit as far as Nat was concerned and she knew, Shauna felt that way too. That sense of resentment lingering between them even after all of these years. Where one seemed to thrive, the other continued to fall, over and over again and yet… in truth, none of it made a lot of sense to her. But it was never something she could admit outright. A tension still - and would probably always - remain between them, regardless that there was also a sense of care. Hidden beneath a subtle shroud of self-induced ignorance.

❝ And which part of you are you referring to exactly? ❞ They all held their different masks; the lies they told themselves and the lies they told others; she can't help but wonder which one Shauna's willing to take off.

[solrites]

“ i always miss you, even when you’re next to me. “ - benji and sol

fingers pick at her nails, anxious. she always gets anxious and fidgety, before ben has to leave. it's not fair - that they have to be separated for weeks at a time. to hide the fact that he has a life with her, for no fault of either of them. it makes her want to stomp her foot and cry, no matter how childish that might be. sol shrugs, sniffling quietly. she hates this. hates crying in front of him (but ben, her benji, has never called her a crybaby. she thinks sometimes, that he wants to cry, too, whenever they're forced to spend time apart).

she knows it's something they have to do. for safety, for something. so many reasons. but each reason seems to matter less and less with each second she gets with him. childish. she doesn't know. missing each other won't change anything. nothing will change anything. to no fault to either of them. it doesn't make it easier. "dunno. i dunno. y-you.. you'll.. you'll call me? i just - you... we shouldn't have to miss each other. this - this isn't fair, benji."

[arch-whatscanon]

@thrillor asked : ∗ 28﹕ an  embarrassing  text .

[ TEXT : WEEB (AFFECTIONATE) ] : RICHIE SOS [ TEXT : WEEB (AFFECTIONATE) ] : i need your stupid button down [ TEXT : WEEB (AFFECTIONATE) ] : i had a pop quiz in ap trig and i'm a fucking FURNACE of anxiety and i feel a rash coming on [ TEXT : WEEB (AFFECTIONATE) ] : and i would rather be caught dead in your dumb anime shirt than my gym tee [ TEXT : WEEB (AFFECTIONATE) ] : it triggers war flashbacks of being a walking dodgeball target [ TEXT : WEEB (AFFECTIONATE) ] : PLEASE [ TEXT : WEEB (AFFECTIONATE) ] : i'm supposed to meet chris after class???? i can't be a slip and slide when i do??????

[encntada]

@thrillor ╱     september & sejanus.

even in the sea of matching red blazers, sejanus is not difficult to spot. weaving through fellow students (excuse me-ing and apologizing the whole way), september finally catches up to her newly elusive sibling near the top of the grand steps leading to the academy's main building. " sejanus ! " small hand clamps down on his shoulder gently before inhaling and exhaling deeply to catch her breath, " when i came down for breakfast this morning, ma said you'd already left. ——- did professor sickle make you come in early? " curious eyes melt into a look of sudden recognition. " oh ! " a neatly folded brown paper bag drooping from the weight of a bona fide ma plinth lunch is presented to him, " you forgot your lunch. "

[atakeflight]

❝ trust me. i know what i’m doing. ❞  from @thrillor

❛ Eh, Fry. I don't think you do. ❜ Why did she always let him talk her into these stupid plans. She was a PhD candidate now. She was working on her thesis, she was to be a mother to Kif's children in .... some years in the future, she had kinda lost count, and here she was next to what looked like a literal death trap. Apparently it was from the 20th Century and it played music but it looked like it was a torture device. She never thought of Fry as that kind of guy. Maybe she had been wrong about him. She looked to the side of it and tilted her head to read the writing: LASONIC TRC-975. Was it a sonic ray?

❛ Spleesh Fry, I can even seen sparks flying off this thing! What weird 20th century thing is this hunk of junk anyways? ❜

[flxmekeepr]

" there's water down there. we should find another way. " / @thrillor

[paralyziingfears]

[  ....  ]               angel  needed  this  distraction.  killing  demons  and  staking  vampires  was  a  piece  of  cake  for  the  vampire  with  a  soul.  losing  his  son  on  the  other  hand  ...  that  was  a  whole  different  ballpark  of  emotions  and  emptiness  he  never  thought  he'd  have  to  go  through.  he  had  sworn  he  was  going  to  protect  connor  with  his  very  life  but,  as  slippery  as  paper,  connor  had  slipped  through  his  fingers  and  disappeared  into  an  untold  hell  dimension  along  side  his  mortal  enemy.  there  was  no  coming  back  from  that;  at  least,  that's  how  angel  felt.  so,  killing  a  couple  of  vampires  that  wanted  to  sacrifice  a  couple  of  virgins  was  a  nice  distraction  from  the  suffering  and  the  guilt  that  was  plaguing  him  every  waking  moment  of  his  undead  life.

he  had  come  back  to  the  hotel  covered  in  demons  guts  and  green  blood,  his  coat  completely  ruined  because  of  it.  he  had  returned  his  sword  the  weapon's  cabinet  and  made  his  way  to  the  stairs  where  he  could  brood  in  peace  and  alone.  keyword  being   —   alone.  @thrillor,  on  the  other  hand,  had  a  different  idea.  he  shook  his  head,  ❝  i'm  not  in  the  mood,  cordy  ...  ❞  he  told  her.  one  step  up,  two  steps  up.  he  sighed  deeply  again,  ❝  seriously.  all  i  want  to  do  is  take  a  shower  and  brood  in  peace  ...  ❞  he  reiterated.

❝  Do  I  need  to  baby  you?  ❞

he  stopped  midway  up  the  stairs,  throwing  his  head  back  in  frustration  and  exhaling  deeply.  he  turned  to  face  her,  hands  gripping  the  rail  of  the  stairway,  ❝  i  really  don't  want  to  talk  about  it.  ❞

[arch-whatscanon]

@snaptwice asked : Meta + Emma and losing her family @thrillor asked : [META] + emma & starting a family

i'm combining both of these metas into one because they're really connected along the same path, and i feel like bringing up one brings up the other down the road. so, bre and sof, i hope you don't mind sharing for a hot sec.

loss is something that's been a part of emma's life for as long as she can remember. it started small, as many kids' do, with little pets. a goldfish that lived its good little life. a hamster that "ran away." those are the kind of losses that last a few days and then you move forward. but the shell shaking loss, the kind of loss that emma is still grieving and processing, hit her at an age that is far too young to ever should.

emma was eight when she lost her parents. and the phrase is absolutely right - you are never promised tomorrow. hell, she knows you aren't promised the next hour after that. it had been a completely boring and mundane day in the perkins household. emma and jane had spent most of it in the backyard - emma climbing the old oak tree and jane reading a book on the perch for the slide of their swingset their dad had built while ben, the aforementioned father, mowed the lawn with the shitty push mower that he was always tinkering with but never refused to give up. she remembers that her mom brought them all lemonade an hour before they went inside and enjoyed what would be one last meal together - her mom's crockpot ham, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. emma's not much of a cook, by any means, but that's one meal she'll whip together in a time where the grief is a little too loud.

that night, after dinner was finished, baths were taken, and everyone was nestled in their beds, something must have popped in the breaker box. that's what the fire investigator later ruled, at least. emma still remembers holding onto her dad's hand as he guided them through a curtain of smoke that causing her eye and lungs to burn. she remembers her dad letting go of her hand once they reached the sidewalk out front, and how she yelled for him when he promised he'd be right back and disappeared into the house to get their mom. she remembered standing there beside jane, shivering in her power rangers pajama set before she heard a loud crash as the house caved in and the flames grew angrier.

she spent several years after that trying to numb her thoughts. she found that in growing weed, and in turn, found a passion for growing her own versus buying whatever the hell was on the streets. and she was good at it. it got her in trouble at school once, but she never stopped growing weed in her closet and never stopped dreaming about buying herself a big enough patch of land to not have to hunch over these plants every day.

the second she graduated, she knew she wasn't going immediately to college. she packed her bags and ended up in guatemala, where she worked on a few farms and taught english to the occupants in turn for rent and food. she loved guatemala, but she was also pushing away the realities at home. jane called her about her engagement to tom. she congratulated her. she called about holidays. ah, sorry. not gonna be able to fly home this time. she called about the wedding. her pregnancy. tim's birth. emma missed every milestone in her big sister's life because running away from it was easier than facing the grief that emma never healthily processed.

and then one day, tom was calling her, his voice blank and (understandably) bitter. jane's dead.

the news was enough to turn emma's world upside down. she finally booked her ticket home and was back in the place that had taken one last thing from her. she had never felt more lonely in her life . . . but she couldn't find herself leaving. so, she enrolled in the community college to take some business classes to keep herself busy, and she got a job at beanie's to keep a roof over her head. it wasn't meant to be long-term, but two years later, she was steadily keeping at it.

then, another fear entered emma's life out of nowhere.

ted spankoffski was supposed to just be a fun time kind of guy. she was . . . emotionally fucked, to say the least. maybe emma was fucking cursed. everyone she knew and loved died in horrific, unexpected circumstances, so why should she get attached? it's why she couldn't get attached to paul or any other person she tried to date. but here was ted. long-limbed, foul-mouthed, her cynical soulmate.

someone had entered those broken corners of her heart beyond her control, and it terrifies her. she doesn't know how she can take another loss, but it's due time isn't it? right when she's up, it's time for life to knock her on her ass.

emma loves ted. all of the grief and extra love that's been ripped from her? she pours it into him. she's never considered kids, but with him? dear god, she wants it all. she wants kids and their big farmhouse and the pot farm. and seeing him run around the property with their kids hanging off of him? she's never felt more connected to her mom. she's never missed her parents more, but after thirty years, she feels like she's finally at peace.