#throuples counseling so true

[littleoblivions]

oh this actually made me shed a tear (x)

[babyabyssrants]

I guess I should introduce myself, even though people probably won’t ever read these posts. Hi, I’m Delphi. I’ve been married for almost six years and have been with my partner for almost 10 years. Our relationship has been a bit of a struggle for most of the time we’ve been together, but I did the major asshole thing back in January and started exploring my newly discovered polyamory since I was living over 10 hours from my partner for my job.

My partner and I’s relationship has always been strictly monogamous. I thought everyone had crushes on their friends. Apparently that wasn’t true.

I ended up dating a guy and sleeping with a few partners during the three months that my exploration happened. When he found out, I cut everyone off, even though they were literally my only friends (plus one more) in the area. We’ve decided to try to make our relationship work with couple’s counseling, but it hurts when he can’t even tell me that he’s sure he loves me.

This past weekend, my best friend of seven years came to my new city to spend time with me and my other best friend. I’ve had a massive crush on both of these people since I met them (7 years and a little less than a year). This weekend was perfect. I had more fun and joy in this weekend than I’ve had in six months.

Unfortunately, I came to a huge realization as we were being chaos goblins in IKEA. I’m in love with both of my best friends. There were “jokes” about ruining our friendship, running away for a polyamorous household without the struggles of our real lives, and we started making plans for the next few trips we could take as a (platonic-ish) throuple. Including a Vegas trip, a trip to St. Louis, etc.

So yeah. I’ve been sobbing since my friend left today to head back home. Mostly because I already miss him, but also because I know that I need to make the decision and tell my partner and our therapists that this reunification is killing me and I think we should cut our losses. But there are so many things that make the idea of divorce absolutely terrifying.

But yeah, I’m going to cut this off here since I’m going to go do some therapy, but I’ll be here again afterwards, most likely.

Peace out, the Abyss. I’ll shout into you again soon.