#tldr local space creature needs therapy but doesnt have mental health benefits

[sarrie]

word vomit venting bc apparently the privacy fence of mental illnesses have allowed emotions to seep through for the moment.

So I've mentioned this to a few folks, but haven't actually talked about it anywhere openly. Early last year my mom got diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's - she's turning 65 this year. Her symptoms aren't...bad per se - not what I know they will be as this disease progresses. We live about seven hours away, and while my partner and I have traveled to visit my folks a decent amount, it's been difficult to schedule them to come up here. Mostly because my father sort of routinely puts a damper on those plans. Like, don't get me wrong. Last year around this time when I had my hysterectomy my mom stayed with me for I think almost two weeks while I recovered. Then, earlier this year when Taylor had to go out of town for work she was able to stay with me while I was having some heart issues that we were trying to sort out. (Which is a rant in and of itself - primarily me, yelling at my primary care provider to listen to me when I say my thyroid medication is too high and I'm having bad side effects due to the above-average-dose he has me on but he says the bloodwork looks fine and now I may have damage to my heart because my resting bpm was 100+ for years BUT THAT'S, AGAIN, ANOTHER STORY.) But now my father is traveling a lot for work and leaving my mother alone at the house. Which, again, her symptoms aren't too terribly advanced, but there are things she loses and forgets and she becomes irritated and angered more easily by small things. There is also little to no support system for her there - if she needed something there are neighbors, but family is all too far away. The other thing is my father will be traveling for my mom's birthday, and I am trying to convince him to let her come stay with Tay and I so we can celebrate and she doesn't have to be alone on her birthday. But he says no, she has to stay there and take care of the house. And it is so frustrating to see him put her health on the back burner like this. They haven't even discussed future care plans yet which, while morbid and sad and nobody wants to think about it, needs to be done when rational decisions can be made and we don't have to panic and quickly make choices that we maybe don't want. I am also offering to go there to stay with her for a week or however long I am able to, and my dad just says "No, no it's fine save it for later." But it comes off as, like, "hey no you can't come see your mom and I'm not letting her come visit you." It doesn't help that I am also realizing that, perhaps, my childhood wasn't healthy and my father played a large roll in that, lmfao. (He also recently told me he liked having me when I was a baby because I didn't do anything, but didn't like it when I got older. So there's that.) They, primarily my father, kept my mother's diagnosis from me for months. They knew about the Alzheimer's for months, and I knew that my mom was getting a full work-up to check, including a spinal tap and lots of bloodwork and imaging, but they just left me hanging. I would call and ask almost every day if they got results from the tests, or if the doctor they were seeing gave an official diagnosis, and they just kept saying 'nope, nothing.' Before this, my mom had surgery for a minor colon spot that was cancerous, and her post-op stay was horrendous. She was taking her leads off and wandering the hospital confused, and people couldn't get through to her and she kept trying to escape and my dad just straight up didn't tell me for almost a year. I could have visited and helped. He could have actually stayed the night so she wasn't waking up confused and scared and alone, especially when it came to light that they weren't taking the best care of her, and were overdosing her on opioids and other pain meds. And just last week my dad was, again on travel, barely an hour north of where I live. And he didn't tell me. We could have driven up and had dinner with him one night this week, especially because he's doing a class that is over in the late afternoon/early evening. I think I last saw him around Christmas? I just!! don't like the feeling of trying to enjoy the time I have left with my folks and my father just doesn't seem to want to be a part of it or allow it. And I'm worried for my mom being left alone so much.