#to the four other benji enjoyers still out there. I See You

[livsmessydoodles]

right person, wrong time

[mrs-willow]

"A Raven and a Falcon" benji x oc

Disclaimer: I am not familiar with the Dance of Dragons books or the accurate storyline, so I have decided to change it to fit this story. I could not find an exact or reliable family tree for either House Blackwood or House Arryn, so I just made my own characters.  

The dance never actually happens!!! Viserys doesn’t die until he reaffirms Rhaenyra as his heir, and after that big family dinner, Rhaenyra returns on Dragon back, and she and Alicent talk out everything. There are mutual apologies, tears, laughter, and everyone lives. 

This is a sappy slow burn with angst, fluff, smut later, and everything I make up when I disassociate.  

This is literally my first post on here or any other website, so please be nice. I am writing this solely for my own enjoyment… there needs to be more Benjicot Blackwood material on this app.  However, I would still love feedback, and if there is something that you think would add to the story, message me, and I’ll see what I can do. 

Summary: Lady Lillian of the House Arryn reaches her eight and ten in a fortnight and has yet to be wed or promised to another Lord. After returning from Kings Landing for the coronation of Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, she is informed of her Father and brother's plans to wed her to a man she has only seen glimpses of and whose reputation is insanity and bloodlust. Lillian learns to love this new stranger, or will she be forced into a life of loneliness and solitude and made to produce heirs until she dies?

Warnings: smut (later), blood, violence, cursing, period typical sexism, alternating POVs, (idk lmk if I should add more stuff)

Chapter 1

As Caelan strode through the corridors of the Eyrie he pondered the rumors of the castle being haunted just as Harenhall is. The man had grown up running through these halls with his siblings, escaping the septas and playing games of war and duels, and yet he could not remember the strange sound of wind whistling through the columns and doorways, creating the strange feeling that someone was trying to speak with you. That fate awaits one as one grows from boy to man. 

Caelans riding boots echo on the dark stone as he makes his way to the Arryn family's apartments. The decorations adorning the walls turn from mosaic replicas of the vast mountain range the Castle was built in, with striking figures of falcons soaring through twenty-foot billowing clouds to soft tapestries displaying a man, his wife, and four beaming blonde children. Metalwork of falcons and moons adorns the tall arches of doorways, and vases of flows rode in from the reach sit colorfully in vases. 

This deep into the castle, the man and the flowers are protected from the harsh rain and winds whipping through the outermost corridors and open rooms. Still, as he enters Lord Arryns personal study, Caelan finds all four hearths of the great room lit as the aging man cannot escape the chill of a month's travel on the King's Road during winter.

At the sound of someone entering the great room, the old man looks up from the pages he had previously been contemplating. It's funny how a few words can cause so much stress. Robert Arryn was a kind man, loved by his bannerman, and respected in court and on the battlefield. His Knights of the Vale were among the fiercest armies in the Seven Kingdoms and were recently praised by the new Queen Rhaenyra when Robert matched them south as a show of support for the true Queen and a warning for those who mean to harm her. Among his Knights, the Seasnakes Armada, the Blackwood host, and the Northmen showed formidable support for their true queen. Yet, Robert is no longer a twenty-year-old man poised for battle and all manner of foolish, daring adventures, and this long trip has taken its toll on the man's bones.

He muttered as he met his son at the table. 

“The realms delight should’ve lived up to the title and held the coronation in spring to spare all us old men the pain of the cold set into our bones.” 

The young man subtly rolled his eyes away from his disgruntled father. “If you had listened to my warnings of the rain while on horseback, perhaps you would not be in such discomfort, Father,” Caelan teased with a small smirk. 

Robert sent the young man his most fearsome glare, “I will not be laughed at in my own home, boy. Now go get your father a pelt so he might not freeze to death in the damn winter.” 

Calan rose, joking that the “bloody Starks are always right at some point. Winter is Here.” 

The two men sat side by side momentarily, gazing into the crackling fire. One old man sat grateful that he had not been called to fight another war, “so much death and cruelty in the world,” he thought, “thank the old gods and the new that my children will not know war.” The younger man sat gazing at the flames, contemplating his father's reasons for calling him here at such a late hour with the castle all but asleep. His mind immediately drifted to the worst reasons for the summoning, and he prayed his worries would soon be eased when his Lord Father stopped being such a dramatic old crow.

“Father, why have you summoned me at such an odd hour?” Caelan questioned. The man knew better than to press his father for answers and thus sat patiently like a little boy waiting for his father's commands. 

Robert sighed. He then rose and retrieved the papers he had been studying when Caelan first arrived in the study. Wordlessly, Robert handed the letter to his son and resumed his place at the table, once again falling silent.

As Caelan reads the letter addressed to Lord Robert Arryn of the Vale, the reality of getting older becomes present and clear as the childhood he once knew begins to fade into blurry memories filled with love and laughter.

Caelan reaches his father's eyes, “Lillian is to be…” he pauses and lets his father's eyes answer his question. 

“She is to be Married,” Robert affirms. “She is nearly ten and eight; the time has come, and it would do her more harm than good to shelter her here until it truly is impossible for us to let her go or her to let us.”

Caelan leans back in the oversized chair he adorns, “She will be livid,” he warns his father. 

“Aye,” Robert agrees, “but that is the way of things and she cannot hide in these mountains forever.” 

“Father, I agree, but truly to that man?” Caelan questions. “You cannot possibly think that giving Lillian to a psycho would be wise?”

“Mind your tongue, boy,” Robert warns. “His father is one of my oldest friends and closest allies.” Robert reminds his emotional Son.

“Yes, of course, but that does not discredit the news we hear of his son. We mu-”

Robert rose swiftly from his chair, “I will hear none of this. Samwell Blackwood and I were raised side by side. We learned to shoot, ride, and wield swords together, and I trust that the man I grew up with raised a son who is equally honorable and just as he is.”

Caelan slumped forward, defeated. “At least allow me to inform her of this change to her life?” the man asked. “She will be more forgiving if it comes from me rather than you.”

Robert sighed. He felt pride swell in his breast for his eldest son and his three younger children. He was proud to have raised them in a manner that made them friends and confidants rather than enemies. He knew then and there that his eldest son would be equally loved and honored as Lord of the Vale when death came for him. 

“I will allow it, but it must be done in the morning. She will leave the day following her name day.” 

“Thank you, father. If I may retire to my chambers, I sense tomorrow will be a trying day.” 

Robert raised his hand and bid his son a good night, then called after him, “Caelan? Please tell her that I’m sorry.”

Caelan paused and sighed, “Father, you must tell her this yourself. Soon, she will no longer be a short walk from your own chamber.”

With that, the heir to House Arryn headed back toward his chambers and noticed that the howling in the halls sounded sweater, slightly more musical and feminine.

Back in the study, Lord Arryn stood in front of the hearth in contemplation. He reminisced about the times his family was still whole and couldn’t help but feel that he was chipping away yet another piece of his soul in allowing his daughter to leave the safety of her family.   

[rue-me-nations]

People are like windows, they show me landscapes and terrains that I could never have conjured up with my own imagination. When windows are shut, I just want to paint a picture of what I saw through them that moved me.

I will miss

Oliver who would go into a mood at times when he couldn’t play the way he’d hoped, when I could see that he was frustrated after having put in effort. When he was happy with his own progress you couldn’t stop him from playing. We shared so many hours with laughter, friendly bickering, working through music, learning together, and even tears, when he was disappointed and plagued with lack of motivation to continue. It was an obstacle I was happy to plough through with him each week.

Ophelia his sister, who was so excited to start learning piano like her brother had been doing. She was always eager to learn and had that enthusiastic energy when talking to me about the things she liked, which included playing the piano. She was the only one who touched me by saying that she wanted to be a piano teacher like me when she grows up. I will never forget the lessons when we had where we would sing Que Sera Sera together while she did her theory work.

Ethan who’s relatively new and was quiet but focused when he first started. He started to open up to me in such a way that he couldn’t stop asking me questions both relating to music and personal and in fact became rather distracted that I had to stop him and point him back to work. He’s such an intelligent boy and seemed to enjoy music.

Lecia who fell in love with playing instruments during her trial lesson. She faced difficulty when things got tougher and lacks motivation in practising. Even so, we found a pace that matched her comfortably and we found enjoyment in learning again.

Hsuen Kai who inspired me by writing that little song about pentominoes, only a few months into our sessions together, getting all the notations entirely wrong in the most adorable way. To him, playing the piano is another one of his many interests, like the books and toys he brings to lessons which I have to keep him from being distracted by.

Caroline who was always excited and happy to come for piano, and insisted on wearing pretty dresses when she did because the people in the videos she saw who played the piano were always dressed nicely. She was only with me for such a short time because her family moved to Vienna, where I’m sure she’ll find really good piano teachers. Her parents were so kind and genuinely cared about her education. I will hold closely to my heart the memory of her trying to invite me to her house to play with her one day.

Gwyneth and Zoe who both found it difficult to find interest in playing the piano, but who humbled me and reminded me how important it is to keep trying and changing pace to perhaps change their perspectives about learning.

Sarah and Trevor, my two teen students who also found no motivation in practising. The thought will always haunt me that perhaps I did not possess the right skills to make them more interested despite having the intention and I was mortified when they both gave up trying.

Benji, whose parents also put a lot of heart into making sure he learned well. He was I think the only four-year-old I know who managed to complete book one of Poco, and so quickly at that. He also left after a short time to go back to the US, and his father sent me such a sweet video of him performing at his first recital, and being the youngest performer too.

Leia who was so inquisitive about everything including how the piano was invented and why it was designed the way it was, who was more interested in having conversations with me than actually playing and practising that I had to constantly try to bring her focus back even though I enjoyed every minute of her sharing her life with me and telling me her intelligent thoughts.

River who lacked confidence and focus at the beginning but began to gain momentum when we tried different ways of communicating and found activities that worked for us. Her personality matched her name in that her consciousness flowed so easily and firmly the way she liked, which was beautiful but I had to steer her in the right path to be productive during lessons. She was always fun even though it meant I had to work on trying to get her focused. Her mother was also very much involved in her learning and saw value in having fun during lessons.

Natalie who was always mischievous and fun during lessons and loved playing tunes by ear. She clearly loves music although she threatened to stop learning because she wasn’t motivated to be disciplined in terms of practice. Despite that I know that she enjoyed our lessons together, the times we sang together and I tried to teach her to play the melody for her favourite pop songs, and when she would write “I love you teacher Ruth” almost weekly on every page of her piano book.

Joey who did not seem to be motivated when I first took over from her previous teacher, but eventually sort of gained momentum finding pieces that she truly enjoyed playing once she mastered them, and began learning at a much faster pace which gave me joy. She was always such a shy girl and seemed reserved in expressing her thoughts, a characteristic common to so many students I encountered at Tampines, perhaps because of their age and also the less privileged backgrounds from which they come, as compared to the ones at Tiong Bahru.

Zhao Kai who was always playful and rebellious by nature so sessions with him were interesting but sometimes also tiring. When he did focus he learned so quickly so it made up for the time he spent being distracted. The shock I felt when he peed in class was memorable, along with the thought of how funny it was because he only realised he needed to go to the toilet when it was too late, too busy having fun trying to distract me from our lesson.

Thea who sometimes frustrated me with her complacent attitude in learning. I constantly felt the need to stir her curiosity and inspire more independent thinking despite the fact that she did enjoy playing the piano – but only the things she was already good at playing. It was hard to make her pay attention to certain technical parts of the syllabus and I had to get creative.

Matthias the teenager who likes playing the piano but has trouble being musical – he would do alright with the notes but found it hard to be emotive or expressive in his playing. He was also extremely quiet and shy and said very little about his life.

Crystabelle who is such a darling. Her mother sent me a voice recording just recently of her saying hi and asking me to come back and teach her which broke my heart.

Kevin who is the most obedient and patient little boy ever, who practices weekly and makes such good progress although we only had half an hour per week. He never complained even when things got difficult, though he was also awfully quiet and difficult to get out of his shell.

WeiBo who is playful and has difficulty focusing. He finds it difficult to understand rhythms and I had to get creative with helping him to understand and drilling him note by note during lessons to make sure he makes real progress.

Nicholas who was the perfect student – he is lively and talkative and loves singing but stays focused and was genuinely interested in learning. He definitely loves music judging by the way he would continue to sing even while doing worksheets.

Avril who was such a ball of energy that it was hard to control her at the start. She demonstrated the ability to listen later on and slowly took pride in being obedient and accomplishing more each week. Her questions and the things she says were always completely adorable and I would gladly allow her to have all the fun she wanted if not for the fact that we had learning to do.

Giselle who was so intelligent but also rebellious at times, who cared so much about how nicely she drew her notes and would ask me which note I liked better, who took so much care in her colouring and tried to make everything colourful and pretty. She tended to be lazy with learning new songs but would relent with a bit of pushing.

Rachael for whom I was so worried when I took over from her previous teacher to prepare for her exam within a few months when she was so unprepared. The relief and joy I felt when she received a Merit was memorable although I disagreed strongly with her competitive and results-oriented values and her parents’ as well.

Aahil who showed great interest in music and was always excited when I told him about composers, something which no other student has demonstrated to me. I loved showing him music to inspire him. His parents also taught him the importance of practising every week, which he did diligently, sometimes upset and frustrated when he encountered difficulties. We always found joy in what he achieved despite that.

Also Anshika, GuoZhe, Vedant, Elyse and Evelle, Xavier, Hsiao Chen, Deborah, Tristan, Shima, Natalie and Noah Mah, Seerat and Ranbeir, Esther.

Last but not least Charis, bless her, who showed me vulnerability when she asked me about my leaving to study abroad. She was the only one who was eloquent and willing to show me she was sad that I was leaving, and asked me why I had to go. “Will I forget you?” she asked, contemplative and looking straight ahead. Notice she worries about her own memory of me fading instead of mine. I saw in her a reflection of myself – the way we all struggle to come to terms with parting and the idea that we will never see a person again, the contemplation of what memory is and what it means to us. It exists in childhood and I don’t believe we ever grow out of feeling that way, we just learn to allow it to happen to us. That moment of connection that we had was truly special and thinking about it now still makes me want to cry. Aside from that, Charis also has a great attitude for learning. She was always saying intelligent things and willing to put in effort. She also has a great way of making learning fun for herself – making words out of the note names and forming sentences with them. This made learning humorous and enjoyable, and I don’t want those memories to fade, either.

This picture is what she drew for me, just one of the little niceties I have been blessed with in the last two years being a teacher. I can’t say I did well as a teacher because there is so much that I could have done better, but it was a real privilege to have been able to witness growth in these people and to have been a part of it.

I am writing this as a final farewell for myself, this part of me that I am leaving behind to step into the future. Teaching wasn’t the only thing that made these two years good, but it sure gave me a real sense of purpose. There were also connections I made with people that I never imagined would happen. Unlike the last time when I left Singapore for Melbourne, I am not leaving with frustration or bitterness. I have memories here that are meaningful and beautiful which I can hold onto like an emblem for all the things I believe in. Amidst the melancholia that I tend towards being submerged in, I have this light that I can keep handy in my pocket.

And now, I can step forward with curiosity and an appetite for adventure.