#to the point were i feel weary even about people id otherwise consider friends (although not close ones) mocking my interest and its fans
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hmm girlies we may have acted a bit irrationally earlier this week. lol
#likee. she wasnt even making fun of it that much it was j one post critiquing her song writing like. idk#well. i cant take it back now lol so#idk it just kinda sucks bc like. it feel like so much that everyone around me is just making fun of this interest i have#to the point were i feel weary even about people id otherwise consider friends (although not close ones) mocking my interest and its fans#(and by extension me because i am a fan and its something im passionate about) openly without like. caring about#how feeling mocked by my peers would affect me#becuase it fucking sucks !! it really does its an awful feeling having something you love be treated as embarrassing to enojy#and i have experienced that feeling before including by ppl close to me and i think that still affects me a lot subconsciously#even if theyve since apologized and i dont hold it against them i still feel mentally impacted esp w past expeince of my interests being#mocked. i just like. its really realy easy for me to be on the offense and like. i have been trying to combat those feeling and not get#upset over minor things but idk sometimes its really hard and its easy sometimes to get overly worked up over small things that really#arent me and my interest actually jsut being made fun of but a differnece opinion on them which is fine for someone to have#but idk its jsut easy to feel made fun of when you are constantly surronded by ppl even via just following and shit who ARE#making fun of you idk. ik im not acting rationally but u guys wldnt if u had an interest that it feels like every one around u thinks is#'cringe' and uve seen ppl be told to kill themselves over having. an idk its jsut rly confliciting and im trying to not be irrational but#i feel like im being pushed into being the kind of intense fan who cant handle any critique of smth even when i dont want to be#bc it feels like the other option is to constantly have that interest mocked cosntalty and j put up with it which wears you down sm#and im trying to find a third option but it doesnt feel like thats just up to me like ofc theres some effort i need to and trying to put in#but its also up to the people around me and bc theres no foolproof 'will this person mack my interest' test i can do on everyone i become#mutuals w its kinda like. idk ig if your a mutual and ur reading this pls do be like. idk mindful of the fact that im a part of this online#community that youre in and if mocking smth i enjoy (im. talking abt tswift here if it isnt obvious) is smth you really cant go w out#then genuinly fair enough but please make dont continue to have me as a peer and if you do want to keep me as a part of your online#community jsut be like. mindful w me and everyone if youre mocking smth someone you wnat to have in your community cares abt#esp if its already widely mocked on here yk. idk just try to be kind and considerate of the ppl around u and like. ofc u cant keep track of#everyone ur gonna mess up and thats understandable but like. idk i dont wanna seem to self centered staying this but i remember#a while ago i made a post like pointing out a ship as an example of ships that were really popular despite there not being anything to them#(imo) but i still didnt mock the ship at all and b considerate of ppl that ship it bc ik i have mutuals who rly love tht ship and i didnt#want to make them feel bad bc theyre ppl i care abt even if we arent close and i. kinda wish i cld b offered the same grace idk#idk. also its 5am im going to go to sleep now. gn luce if ur reading this ilu<3#flappy rambles
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