#today he was just a dick soz mate

[famdommcfanface]

Don't get me wrong I love Greg but fuck Greg this episode

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [a phone number]

Ronnie: found you your own special plug

Joe: Can’t wait to get gang-raped by whoever this is

Joe: or maybe it’s a phishing scam, what route have you gone down 🤔

Ronnie: route of she can be your number 8 cos youre such a bike

Joe: it’s that kind of hook-up

Ronnie: pay for the gear if you cant get it up soft lad she looks fuck all like your ma

Ronnie: couldnt track down no more of her bastards for you soz

Joe: taking your role that seriously?

Joe: alright

Ronnie: getting out of it

Ronnie: she can babysit you

Joe: she probably lost custody of her own so

Joe: nice of you on all fronts

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: what, your dealer don’t like me or something

Ronnie: how the fuck would i know like

Ronnie: and how would he you legged it out of there soon as he showed

Joe: no shit I did

Ronnie: ordeals over now baby go cry to your new mammy about it

Joe: unlikely

Joe: but it ain’t my ordeal so

Ronnie: they ll swab & treat him he ll be sound

Joe: give a shit about him

Ronnie: if youve got something to say

Joe: I just said it

Joe: I don’t care about him

Ronnie: you dont care about me fuck off with your heroics

Joe: you didn’t want swooping up and saving, don’t mean I don’t give a fuck

Ronnie: your student loan aint gonna cover both our habits youd have me dopesick cause youre fucking jealous that means you dont

Joe: you’re jealous

Joe: and I said, didn’t stop you, didn’t say you had to

Joe: what’s fun about something oozing and itching in your pants, that’s all

Ronnie: of what

Joe: of every boring ex I have or will ever have

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: get em in a room together and they aint even jealous of each other

Joe: I know

Joe: x2

Ronnie: you dont know shit mckenna

Joe: so today I’m green

Joe: not the know-it-all smug college kid

Joe: nice to know how to play it

Ronnie: smug is right whenever i aint gonna suck your dick cause you can read music

Joe: that’s all that’s stopping you?

Ronnie: nah remember its the death wish attention whoring & mommy issues

Ronnie: cant both be functioning junkies youd have fuck all else to get a boner about

Joe: how long have you been doing heroin

Ronnie: youve got loads of catching up to do

Joe: yeah, so I don’t know why you’re acting like I’m being high and mighty

Joe: it’s literally been days

Ronnie: cause you are

Joe: no I’m not, just ‘cos I’d rather not suck dick when I have the funds

Joe: would you do it if you had the cash, that’s just stupid

Ronnie: youve been comparing me to any & every cunt since we met

Joe: like you don’t shit on me any and every chance you get

Joe: you were acting like them, the whole none of my shit is real because yours is SO real, that’s her whole bit

Ronnie: you cant stop fucking doing it even now fucks sake

Ronnie: i shit on you for you its not like i have any cunt to compare you to

Joe: alright, if you’re that sensitive about it

Joe: I’ll really stop

Joe: there 🤐

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: nah, that was a dick move, alright

Joe: let me make it up to you

Ronnie: youre crying shes a patronising cunt guess what youre right there too

Joe: alright, I deserve that

Ronnie: drop dead

Ronnie: yeah its been days days of me giving you whatever the fuck you ask for

Joe: I know

Joe: so what do you want, seriously

Joe: I’ll do it, make it happen, whatever

Ronnie: like fuck can you make anything happen

Ronnie: youre like every other doss cunt i know theres your comparison

Joe: Probably am

Joe: but you’re the only person I’ve met who feels close to whatever the fuck I am

Joe: there’s the truth

Ronnie: whichever of your exes that worked on is more west than either of us

Joe: Oh I can easily be that dickhead and tell you how crazy they all were

Ronnie: go ed

Joe: the second to last one was the worst

Joe: full-on stalked and harassed the last one like, for no reason

Joe: she also messed with all my shit in a way she thought would send me into an OCD spiral because she didn’t get it

Joe: and when she started hooking up with some other kid she’d send me pics like I’d be 💔

Joe: that’s just after, that was all kind of amusing in a boring way, she was less amusing to be with but more mental

Ronnie: shouldve had some tips off her for the stalking bullshit its probably not too late to send her a dm

Ronnie: ones ive got from this is i dont have to bother learning the alphabet cos id be better off fucking with your record collection by smashing it up & child porn does fuck all for you

Joe: that is my thing, turning up uninvited to fuck everything up

Joe: she might go for it

Joe: exactly, both good to know, yeah 😏

Joe: all pretty basic and vanilla but still, annoying as shit

Ronnie: unless you can get me to do it for you yeah

Ronnie: dinners at what like 7

Joe: you’re gonna ruin my happy uni home?

Joe: oh no

Joe: be there be 7, eating at 8, apparently

Joe: time to ‘mingle’ as she put it which sounds suspicious af

Ronnie: fucking hell

Ronnie: thank christ i already hate you

Joe: saves times, energy less so

Joe: your mate is up for it, unless he’s a convincing liar, which I could see

Ronnie: what energy do you want name it theres gear thatll give us it

Ronnie: he is but i cant see the con shes got fuck all any cunt wants other than pasta shapes & mariahs likely on a diet

Joe: 🤤 and not over her appetizers, like

Joe: there’ll only be the 6 of us so we’ll need entertainment

Ronnie: lad flatmates bringing a bitch

Ronnie: shes gonna need something to get her through it or something she can use to end it

Joe: yeah he has a missus

Joe: even though him and Sophie belong together as the most average whitebread couple ever

Ronnie: make it happen then

Joe: where’s my bow and arrow

Joe: their 💘 ain’t my problem

Ronnie: you said you could do whatever and we needed entertainment

Ronnie: put all that money where your mouth is

Joe: you’re well sweet

Joe: you want her to be living her best life

Joe: dunno if I can hack being his shoulder to cry on in the interim

Ronnie: your teeth wont have time to rot before you choke on em talking to me like that

Joe: go on then

Ronnie: you owe me i dont owe you

Joe: I thought you’d ask for something better

Joe: but your loss

Ronnie: yours youre thinking about it

Joe: I get it, you want it to be hell living here

Ronnie: i dont wanna have to ask

Joe: for what

Ronnie: anything

Joe: why not

Ronnie: you think you can read my mind or some shit

Joe: I’d like to

Joe: and I think you get me, and yeah, I think I get you more than the bullshit mommy issues attention whore comment that was to get a reaction

Joe: I don’t think we’re twin flames just because we share some DNA, I’m not that kind of delusional, believe it or not

Ronnie: cause weve shared a needle though yeah

Joe: I get it, another kid with a habit, you’ve met hundreds

Joe: it is different though

Joe: tell me it isn’t

Ronnie: different cos its a habit you didnt have days ago

Joe: it’s not your fault

Joe: for good or bad

Joe: you didn’t spike me without asking

Ronnie: i didnt say that

Ronnie: i said thats why its different

Joe: yeah

Ronnie: nobody did any of this shit for me i dont know why im doing it for you

Joe: do you want to, or do you think you need to

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: you either fuck with me, you like fucking with me or you think you’ve got to protect me or some bollocks

Ronnie: protect you from the needle i stuck in your arm yeah that makes loads of sense

Joe: from getting a bad dose, being beat up by one of your dealers

Ronnie: i just wanted a front row seat

Ronnie: im not gonna get one when your family finds out

Joe: that’s fine by me

Joe: you reckon they’ll fly me home for an intervention then?

Joe: shouldn’t be surprising how oblivious they are

Ronnie: i dont care what they do to try & fix it youll be at rock bottom by then

Joe: they won’t try, they don’t

Joe: just because I weren’t shooting up doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing plenty other fucked shit for ages without it ever being a conversation

Joe: one of the kids that they took in, is a walking skeleton

Joe: can’t get her to eat, some reason don’t do anything but try to reason with her like she’s reasonable, never mind the rest

Ronnie: no shit they dont i was proof of it before you or her

Ronnie: in the same town with the same name she fucking gave me and still out of sight out of mind

Joe: precisely

Joe: so if you’re hoping fucking me up will get her to come about then you shouldn’t bother, honestly

Joe: save yourself that disappointment

Ronnie: it aint about her paying attention

Joe: good

Ronnie: you wanna know me i only want you to know what it feels like

Joe: then let’s do it

Ronnie: nah i was rem to reckon it was worth shit

Ronnie: it aint

Ronnie: you aint

Ronnie: youre never gonna have your head wrecked how mine is and i cant be arsed to put the time in fucking you up in the selfish special way i need when you keep pure loving it like

Joe: is that not indicative of how I’m already quite fucked enough

Joe: just because it’s not abandonment based

Joe: what normal cunt would love any of this, even contact you again after the first

Ronnie: fuck no

Ronnie: youre living your best life and it makes me wanna hang myself

Joe: Christ, you’re up yourself, aren’t you

Ronnie: &

Joe: you want me to roll my sleeves up again and show you the recent damage?

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: [pics]

Ronnie: [obvs gotta send him some back]

Joe: [a straight up new one like just did it]

Ronnie: [ofc she has to also like this is a competition]

Joe: [hope you started small so you have somewhere to go ‘cos the vibe]

Ronnie: [knowing y’all you didn’t but it won’t stop you and I will be forever on edge]

Joe: [so grim, don’t pass out]

Ronnie: [or end up needing stitches]

Joe: [probably do them yourselves, ick]

Joe: do you fucking get it yet

Ronnie: why do you care

Joe: why do you think

Ronnie: i keep telling you i dont

Joe: braindead sounds ideal

Ronnie: horse girl not about to suffocate you

Joe: she would if I let her, like

Joe: 🍈🍈

Ronnie: wait til theres a chance ill choke on my vomit next time christ

Joe: so lay back and I’ll tell you some more

Ronnie: ok go

Joe: [go on about Sophie in a way I shall not even bother but let us assume it is crude and rude af]

Ronnie: [we’re not into poor Soph but they clearly are]

Joe: [just fuck and get it out the way lads, so rude to everyone else rn]

Ronnie: [honestly, but hopefully at this dinner party because Jamie jealousy will be off the charts]

Joe: [Charlie gon have to keep quiet ‘til you home lmao]

Joe: Any luck?

Ronnie: got no pasta shapes in my system have i

Ronnie: but why the fuck are you not lurking to save me

Joe: you want me to swallow the bile for you then, okay

Joe: the last one looked deep

Ronnie: deep enough if you wanna pussy out and spit instead

Joe: I don’t

Joe: where are you

Ronnie: dorothys

Joe: he in?

Joe: if I have to show him it’s brotherly concern you’ll only die quicker

Ronnie: nosey cunt wouldve stopped me

Joe: Yeah

Joe: I can say sorry if you want or I can just come patch you up and not lie first

Ronnie: i dont need your help

Joe: I know

Joe: purely wanna save you for my own complex and to be loving life even harder

Ronnie: wank off about the sos from the other day thats it i cant top you carrying me out til the bleeding stops

Joe: I’m coming over

Joe: you’ve got time to lock the door if you really don’t want me to come in

Joe: can get my own shattered glass without breaking his windows

Ronnie: he must like you to have given you his address

Ronnie: but not enough to overshare the door dont lock cos i broke it 💔

Joe: or am I better stalker than you give credit

Joe: thanks for the tip, baby

Ronnie: youd have been waiting for me to get here not the other way round

Joe: You do want me to read your mind

Joe: maybe a lobotomy will help

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: reading your mind you want me to pass out before you fuck me but its not that deep

Joe: the wound or the vIbEzzZ

Ronnie: this your coming out cos you sound like charlie

Joe: just trying to turn you off, don’t want blood to gush out

Ronnie: liar youd be made up to see that

Joe: not hiding in the bushes yet

Joe: slow down

Ronnie: youre used to being the big brother i get it

Joe: Something like that

Ronnie: i know how to ride a bike without stabilisers or whatever the fuck

Joe: and tie your shoes

Joe: it’s alright, we’ve established I’m not a paedo

Joe: what can’t you do then

Ronnie: err what a nonce would say

Ronnie: read music we also fucking established

Joe: you teach me how to shoot myself up, I’ll teach you how to

Ronnie: not a fair swap i dont need to learn how

Joe: You don’t wanna be a babysitter either, so you’ve said

Ronnie: you dont like me any more or what

Joe: Of course I do

Joe: You got me my own dealer first

Ronnie: you asked me to 1st

Joe: How did I?

Ronnie: what else is ? for a plug without giving a fuck if ive rattled myself into a ditch

Joe: If I talked to you as much as I felt like

Joe: You’d tell me to fuck off more than you already do

Joe: I’ve got no clue where the line is, how much you want me to care

Ronnie: what line

Ronnie: i dont want you to care

Joe: Tough shit

Joe: I didn’t ask you to get me a dealer

Ronnie: you fucking did

Joe: I just didn’t wanna see you suck dick on my behalf, alright, that’s all

Joe: what you do for yourself is your business

Ronnie: calm down nothing i do is for you

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: dont call her then

Joe: you on commission?

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: If I do, you’ll still have to see me

Ronnie: youll see me bleed out on the kitchen floor 1st

Joe: You’re a pro, I know you’re being overly-dramatic

Ronnie: at opening as many veins as itll take to not have to see you again yeah

Joe: to make me hurry*

Joe: I’m on the tube

Joe: you have to live in the middle of nowhere

Ronnie: no fixed address i told you

Joe: ❗️

Joe: if there’s a break-up or a thruple, you can have the extra room

Joe: makes sense now

Ronnie: it dont make sense you reckon we can afford any extras however far out

Joe: like you said, she’ll get homesick and chuck it in even if Marc won’t dump his girlfriend

Ronnie: if she does youll be homeless too like unless his missus is gonna cover the costs of the en suite for you

Joe: you can have my room, it’s the smallest

Joe: they can have the en-suite palace and I’ll take theirs, which is not next to the others 👌

Ronnie: not that youve thought loads about it

Joe: if you heard her disney playlist everyday, you’d think about it as well

Ronnie: id think about killing her or myself not a cosy little bed swap

Ronnie: shed never hack living with me nor would you

Joe: well that thought is never far from the front of my mind

Joe: if you need the bed, you know it’s yours

Ronnie: get it through your head i need fuck all from you

Joe: yeah, yeah

Ronnie: theres this way of living when youre not inside your ma in every possible sense course you aint heard about it

Joe: you need to prove you’re self-sufficient ‘cos no one’s ever given a shit about you but Charlie and the other one

Joe: I’m aware you’ve made it to your old age without me, you’re alright

Ronnie: i need to be it the only proofs im not dead yet baby

Ronnie: you need me to be old cos im not in a fucking coma & you cant get it up else

Joe: I’d rather be in the coma myself but you can be too

Joe: not calling dibs

Ronnie: oldest gets 1st dibs

Joe: *until the youngest cries about it so much you get told to give in to shut ‘em up

Ronnie: try me

Joe: you know you can’t hack my crying

Joe: does your head in SO much

Ronnie: save it for when you need lube or horse girl is gonna be coming after you with the leftover glue so you can never fucking leave her

Joe: come at you with the needle and sew us together, babe

Joe: unlucky

Ronnie: more than unlucky if i cant bust a stitch open to be the dead girl you want

Joe: you’re the dead girl I want already come on

Ronnie: til i teach you how to 💉 yourself

Joe: nah

Ronnie: 💘

Joe: looking well deformed these days, my one

Ronnie: could cut it out know youd be made up for the matching needlework

Joe: you play mad professor I’ll play corpse

Ronnie: long as i dont have to play nice

Joe: know what you take me for, actually, but no

Joe: obviously not

Ronnie: cant take you anywhere even if i did wanna

Joe: god imagine the dent in your street cred, sis

Ronnie: if i could cry i obviously would

Joe: repression or fucked tear ducts from all the 😭 you been doing

Ronnie: what im that baby faced youre taking me for a newborn now

Joe: nah, mr i don’t fuck kids here, remember

Joe: plus kids are always calling 999 by mistake and they’d get there before me

Joe: maybe, depends how many people have stabbed other people today

Ronnie: id have got the numbers up but ive been busy like

Joe: gotta make time for you, babes

Joe: it’s called self-care

Ronnie: ask me what with

Ronnie: shittest stalker ever you are

Joe: go on

Joe: school us

Ronnie: cant cry cos when i was linking you with a plug you dont want i was getting myself linked with your meds

Ronnie: best guess as a better stalker than you & less basic white girl than your crazy ex

Joe: 💡 fairplay

Joe: won’t tell you any other side-affects, see if you can guess ‘em right

Ronnie: i wasnt gonna take em but you want me to get you so bad

Joe: yeah misunderstood white boy is selling less these days

Joe: help a brother out

Ronnie: fuck all has happened so i probably cant

Joe: 💔 oh well

Joe: they’re nothing exciting, even though I managed to get the highest dosage they’ll do

Ronnie: maybe mines off for not giving you the benefit of the doubt when i could continue reckoning youre such a pussy

Joe: you’ll forget by tomorrow, no problem

Ronnie: neither brother is gonna let me if they walk in on me microdosing theyll reckon its a getting well party and get the deccies out

Joe: only so many times you can just kidding that ‘fore it gets old

Joe: we’ll go out, when I get there

Ronnie: where you kidnapping me to baby

Joe: I know enough to know it’s all wrong turns and blindfolds, not giving you a map

Ronnie: if its a&e no cunts finding your body even with a map

Joe: piss off

Ronnie: give us a clue

Joe: I’ll mark it with an X if you do me

Ronnie: if you ever fucking get here

Joe: if we were sewn together this wouldn’t be a problem

Ronnie: wanting to look like twins so nobodyll give a shit that you wanna fuck me would be something youd think about on the tube mckenna

Joe: they run in my old man’s DNA so have to look for those bastards instead

Joe: all I know about hers is addiction

Ronnie: course he does fuck alls your own idea

Ronnie: if hes got a sister even a meff nancy drew like youll be able to find bastards they had together

Joe: loads, Catholic, remember

Joe: twins kid is black though so process of elimination

Ronnie: cute how that runs in your family too like

Joe: guess so

Joe: not like it’s that crazy a concept

Ronnie: not like youve ever met an irish catholic who werent a saint yeah

Joe: it’s a fucked place to live

Joe: really third world in that respect

Ronnie: your real da is who you wanna look for if hes got no bastards going about its cos he cant knock anyone up

Joe: that your all men are pigs stance

Joe: alright courtney calm down

Joe: I’m out now anyway, don’t need a real mum or dad to come rescue us from the priests and that

Ronnie: nah its a fact unless his twin kept going up the backstreet or he was only sticking it in her other 2 holes

Joe: they didn’t really grow up together

Joe: he left when he was 15

Joe: maybe she was a late bloomer, happy days

Ronnie: 💔 your ma wasn’t then i wouldnt be here

Joe: no dig about how you’re dying now anyway ‘cos I’m taking so long?

Joe: you must be fading fast and not just being a dramatic bitch

Joe: good thing I’m in [wherever we ended up locating y’all] now

Ronnie: shut up i said its not that deep

Ronnie: youre the dramatic bitch legging it here for a fucking scratch

Joe: you wanted me to

Ronnie: you want to i dont give a shit

Joe: right, that’s what I meant

Ronnie: you can stop with the gay shit i told you hes not here

Joe: gays don’t own sarcasm

Ronnie: they own getting attached to cunts fast who dont care

Joe: awh, you being replaced rn?

Ronnie: horse girl wishes

Joe: Can’t catch a break or a man that one

Ronnie: after a pity fuck with you who knows what shed catch

Joe: you wanna infect her by-proxy, you’re so blatant

Ronnie: i shouldve got you to bring her my bloods everywhere

Joe: adding her puke to the mix would make it interesting, sure

Joe: bet she knows first aid

Ronnie: if youre too pussy to break my ribs yourself get back on the tube

Joe: threaten me with a good time

Ronnie: i just did

Joe: without meaning it, yeah

Ronnie: try and hurt me i mean it

Joe: [why do y’all always set the tension so high lads lmao, we know but]

Ronnie: [me and my boo here like calm down you can’t hook up yet but they are both like !!!!]

Joe: [shouldn’t have let you get on that train sir but you would so]

Ronnie: [I shouldn’t let her open her mouth ever but here we are]

Joe: [forreal lmao]

Ronnie: [gotta draw an x on him in her blood when he shows up before we can do a more permanent one however we are either as a scar or tattoo so soz for increasing the tension even more lol]

Joe: [just got to stare at her for ages and then shove her away very dramatically ‘cos you can’t, head through to whichever room she was bleeding in to assess/gawp at]

Ronnie: [she’s gotta lol like well if that’s the best you can do at trying to hurt me I’m not worried]

Joe: [‘whaddya use?’ and just going through this flat as if you’ve been here before/were invited by anyone but Ronnie vaguely because manners can’t matter when we’ve gone this far already]

Ronnie: ['what, you didn't

touch yourself enough on the tube?' but we are obvs showing him whatever we did use because it's just another way to flirt and we can use it to make that x happen so]

Joe: [shakes head ‘spill too much and they emergency stop’ and a look like do I look like I wanna be on a psychward but in a 😏 don’t answer that way, doing our own tallies with it, of course]

Ronnie: ['we're walking then' like where are you taking me don't get comfy bitch]

Joe: [little disbelieving lol like excuse me princess ‘your carriage was unavailable’

Ronnie: ['no shit the horse is dead busy']

Joe: [‘I ain’t taking you to a stable’]

Ronnie: ['that's where we ain't going, now tell me where the fuck we are' because we're like an excited kid about this]

Joe: [it’s cute and we clearly think so even if we’re distracting ourselves with this self-harm so we don’t go too far, unrelated but I haven’t thought where yous are going lmao but I’m vibing something London but something she wouldn’t have done, something music related, also if it has like, kid vibes, bonus, I’ll have to look so just keeping tight-lipped to be annoying and surveying the bloody carnage he’s now added to ‘you want to clean up?’]

Ronnie: [it'd be cute if there was something like thinktank but for music instead of science but idk if that exists anyways in answer to that question she's just gonna remove her top or whatever like yeah it do have blood on even though we know that's not what he means because we're still in a flirty mood despite how annoying his non reply is]

Joe: [that’s what I’m vibing but likewise have no idea, I’m sure there is shit though and you could find it Joseph, anyway, truly the this is fine meme about that ‘cos you can’t turn away 😳 but also boy don’t, moving like you’re gonna come close to her though]

Ronnie: [soz Charlie cos she shamelessly threw her top on the floor and isn't gonna clean up any of this blood even on herself like I literally should say she goes to the sink and then to get clean clothes but instead we all know she's just gonna take Joe's jacket or whatever and put that on, thank god he's all about the layers]

Joe: [god bless the grunge

aesthetic, ‘do you do it in front of him?’ and touching the cuts that are still showing ‘cos you know there’s some still, and it is like when and where do you do this when you do not have a room lmao]

Ronnie: ['yeah' leaving it up to him whether he wants to think it's in an attention whore way cos we're still annoyed at that call out lol but realistically it's just because of how long they've known each other and how they be living, she's not actively trying to upset Charlie that much most of the time]

Joe: [‘does he do it?’ ‘cos we can’t imagine it from the little we know but also can’t imagine him just chilling if he isn’t as fucked as them]

Ronnie: [the facial expression equivalent of his amused lol earlier because no]

Joe: [dropping it even though you find this odd like don’t worry boy, the tea is he is getting over it and wanting her to stop, pulling the jacket sleeve to take her out the door like come on]

Ronnie: ['he knows what'll happen if he tries to stop me' cos you can't tell me that when they were younger he didn't do exactly that and she went ballistic but more importantly HOW DARE YOU BOO because that is 1000% a Fraze move and I'm dead]

Joe: [yes I thought it was legit for a parallel, enjoy the long trip back to central guys]

Ronnie: [idk how we are gonna stop you hooking up to fill the time other than the other people in close proximity lol]

Joe: [maybe a uni/work obligation can come in and he has to go like legit ‘cos that’d kill this off]

Ronnie: [personally devastated that means an iou for this cute date but I love how fuming she would be at never finding out where they were going]

Ronnie: [not to mention the not at all casual and public domestic they’d have would be such a fat mood and show she cares when she’s literally like umm what the fuck do you mean you’re leaving]

Joe: [love how blatant we both are individually]

Ronnie: [hard same]

Joe: They sprung that rehearsal on us last minute

Joe: I already said, I’d give you the funds and you could go do whatever

Ronnie: and i told you to go fuck yourself

Ronnie: or your cello

Joe: I wouldn’t have wasted my time let alone yours if I knew that was gonna happen

Joe: how would you go about fucking a cello, exactly

Ronnie: waste more of your own time figuring it out its your raging hard on for it

Joe: I can’t not go

Joe: they make you sign a bloodoath when you get in basically

Joe: no excuses

Ronnie: youd have found an excuse fast enough if id stuck a needle in your arm

Joe: no, I wouldn’t, ‘cos it wasn’t an option

Joe: there was already enough damage to hide

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what options youve got

Joe: right, tell it to the crowd that amassed, they might believe you a tiny bit more than I do

Joe: I’ll make it up to you, okay

Ronnie: thats what soft cunts wanna hear when you cant hide no more & since you reckon you wont be getting forced into treatment you get to keep your gob shut for all that being sorry bullshit

Joe: make it into something it ain’t ‘cos you can’t hack hearing it

Ronnie: i dont wanna hear from you end of

Joe: alright

Joe: see you around then

Ronnie: 🖕

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Your nan in? Janis: what? Jimmy: not a hard question, does she work weekends or what? Janis: stop trying to get with my nan, freak Jimmy: I'm trying to do nowt, our kid is Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby with a lewk on and some kind of gift for Libi because he's asking her out lowkey] Jimmy: so go on, she there or not? Janis: Aw Janis: where's he off to? Janis: I'm looking after Libi, dunno if it's classed as punishment or they just wanted to piss off out for the day that bad Jimmy: Asia's sister's having a 🥳🎂🎁 and he don't wanna go on his own Jimmy: last night were the first I heard Jimmy: so I said I'd ask if he can invite Libi out Janis: relatable Janis: wouldn't wanna face all those 🦷🦷 alone either Janis: I'll show her the 📸 sure she'll be pure buzzing Jimmy: it's alright for you I've gotta piss about and translate 'cause none of them can be bothered to learn how to talk to him Jimmy: not til 🕑 loads of time to put her 👗👠👑 on but he's been ready for ages Janis: I mean, glad they haven't just assumed they can shout really, really loud at him Janis: only cute when she does it, obvs Janis: but that's shit, Asia's gonna think you're hanging about to 👀 her, you know Janis: 👗👠👑 and everything Jimmy: I were 🤞 she wouldn't wanna be there surrounded by kids and that, but they probably are her mental age Jimmy: be a right laugh then, this 😒 Jimmy: 🤞 now I can convince the pair of them to go do something else Janis: they're weird about it Janis: great for the 'gram pretending you're bezzies with your little sisters Jimmy: the rest of the #squad gonna be there then? Janis: not 💀👑 or #2 I doubt Janis: maybe the others though Jimmy: I get it, they'd scare the kids Jimmy: float away if they grab a 🎈 Janis: with their combined BMI, no point pretending they wanna be future mummy bloggers Janis: 🩸🩸 pact it ain't Jimmy: sure Azerbaijan or whatever her name is, is gutted they ain't coming Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Auntie Mimi Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you got a 👗👠👑  there you can chuck on an' all? Janis: so nice of you to reckon I'm ready to step in to sign backup Jimmy: you know loads of insults, that's all the birthday girl ever has to say to him Janis: she must be unbearable Janis: Asia with less filter, some fucking how Janis: I can come with Jimmy: tah Jimmy: it were doing his head in 💭 what it might be like Janis: understandable Janis: kids are dicks Janis: but if everyone else is going, you don't wanna be the one who don't Jimmy: yeah, he weren't having that Janis: they'll have a good time Janis: providing he ain't 😳 to be seen with her Janis: she's putting on some kind of costume rn Janis: might need to 👍👎 Jimmy: he'll be chuffed Jimmy: if this party had been the other year with his mates from home he'd have put his own 👗👠👑 on Janis: Asia's probably dressed bday girl up in a matching 'fit with her Janis: lovely visual, not weird as fuck Janis: they'll be the most 😎 ones there, deffo Jimmy: I'm wrapping a weird doll with massive 👀 that looks like her on a night out rn Jimmy: [a picture] Janis: ✝️✝️✝️ Janis: gonna tell the hot priest to book that in after me Jimmy: sent a 🎁 list, her mini me, you ever heard of such a pisstake? Jimmy: mate, you're turning 7 Janis: bad enough when adults do it just 'cos they've decided to do the paperwork Janis: that's some bullshit Jimmy: she's such a little twat 🤞 Libi gives her the shit 🎅 treatment Janis: letting her bring her whatever tat she's picking up about the gaff Janis: go ahead, like Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: brb gonna go dress in all black like those dickheads who work puppets Janis: when are you not all in black though Jimmy: loads Janis: 🏫 don't count Janis: no choice Janis: or whatever the CG uniform is Jimmy: 1. I weren't on about school 2. you know what the uniform is, you've been in Janis: not committed it to memory like Janis: soz Janis: have to 💭 about Pete more, you're right Jimmy: you did 👀 at it enough, dickhead Jimmy: but I get it, my 👀 are up a bit from the apron Jimmy: very PG, you Janis: PC and PG Janis: 💔 Jimmy: good thing I've got you to rein me in at this bollocks party Janis: not a wet blanket Janis: but this party will probably be traumatizing enough so you're welcome anyway Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: she can stay at ours after if she wants, let you piss off and do something that ain't Janis: oh, yeah, cheers Jimmy: no bother Janis: if you ever need, he can come here Jimmy: take you up on that when this Sharon's gone and Ian's hanging about 💔🎻😭 Janis: a new one? Janis: or is xmas Sharon back Jimmy: doing the rounds her Jimmy: be a record Janis: 😱 Janis: buy a hat Jimmy: get another exorcism booked, more like Jimmy: been trying to 🙏 her away Janis: he's a little preoccupied rn Janis: oops, soz, He's Jimmy: bloody typical Janis: shit nan got in early and they're like 🤝 Janis: do anything for her Janis: priorities Jimmy: 💔 she won't do owt for me Jimmy: reckoned I'd made a top first impression Janis: @ her Jimmy: what is it? Janis: @godandmejudgingeverybody Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: she reckons so too Jimmy: I worked that out when we 🤝 Janis: BFFs in the making Jimmy: obvs Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: if she's chucking about incense an' all, I might do Janis: Poor boy Janis: baptism of 🔥 ain't far off Jimmy: still 😱😱 you didn't do that to Lucas' car Jimmy: what did I even bother giving you a lighter for, girl? Janis: 😒 piss off Janis: you didn't see how fucked it was Janis: talk 😱😱 like Freddie got hold of it Jimmy: where's the 📷s? Janis: love keeping evidence on my phone, me Janis: think on Janis: getting us out of detention, not back in Jimmy: weren't gonna tweet 'em, calm yourself down Janis: see for yourself Monday Janis: not like he can afford a replacement or paint job Jimmy: he'll have had it done piss poor Janis: just some emulsion Janis: not for his baby Jimmy: gotta do what you've gotta do Jimmy: we've all nicked out the 🎨 cupboard Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: oh so you don't want today's? alright Jimmy: ❌ Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: in the 🗑 now, Janet Janis: shut up Janis: give it me Jimmy: when I see you Jimmy: can't have you feeling left out about all these 🎁s Jimmy: our kid's been trying to pick half the garden like it ain't winter Janis: so smooth, that one Jimmy: SO 😍💕🤝 the pair of them Janis: it's pretty cute Janis: for now Jimmy: can't wait to see how many Josephs the star of the nativity's got Jimmy: bet her sister and me can't count that high Janis: you calling a 7 year old a slag? 😏 Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 💭 about someone else then, my bad Jimmy: that sounds like you, we're back on track Janis: now I'm a slag Janis: have been chatting to my nan Jimmy: ain't my fault 💀👑 reckons 💭 is cheating if anyone else does it Janis: the dissonance between that and 1. what she do and more importantly 2. what daddy do Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: dunno what your 🤓🗨 means but she's a hypocrite, yeah Janis: come on Janis: left out cognitive for you Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: Bill wanted you to have that Janis: that's why he's my fave Jimmy: alright, I'll leave you to @ him Janis: OR Janis: you could be nice to me and I'll reconsider my ratings Jimmy: invited you to a 🥇 party a bit ago Jimmy: don't get nicer than that, dickhead Janis: **a shit party, possibly the shittest if Asia's had fuck all to do with organizing Janis: but you are bringing me a pity present so 🥉 Jimmy: Oi, it's a masterpiece Jimmy: and I'm having Libi for you when she's 🎂🧁🍭🍬😁 Janis: you aren't offering spoilers Janis: but you did offer that Jimmy: you can have one that I reckoned wouldn't be #goals enough Jimmy: [funny doodles shading the gals and this party etc, we know what I'm saying] Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: it's 🤓 goals Jimmy: you can frame it, just don't stick in on your story Janis: still know what I'm doing Janis: not been that long Jimmy: THANK GOD Jimmy: teaching you signing is one thing Janis: oi Janis: you don't need to teach me nothing about #goals Jimmy: you do alright Janis: better than any other bitch could Jimmy: that'll be why I picked you Jimmy: not some other lass Janis: don't act like you're regretting it then Jimmy: if I were performing that scene it'd be loads more dramatic Janis: wait for your cue Jimmy: how about you stop reading ahead Janis: 🤪 Jimmy: I said you were doing alright not that I were regretting owt Janis: I don't like the sound of alright Janis: sounds a bit participation 🏆 Jimmy: *🥈 Janis: that means 🥈 as a team Janis: joint effort Jimmy: it means you're 🥈 to my 🥇 Janis: bollocks Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you're no better Janis: we do the same amount Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: you can't be 🥇 on your own Janis: ✊🍆 Jimmy: couldn't be #goals on my own Janis: same thing Jimmy: is it? Janis: with what we're talking about Jimmy: I were giving you my review, not the fans Janis: I know how big your head is Janis: no need to 💬 Jimmy: you can have a 🥇 for how massive yours is an' all Janis: I don't want that one Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: 🥇 review Jimmy: that's what you had before you picked holes in my wording Janis: fine Janis: say it again and I'll 🤐 Jimmy: I'll 🤐 Janis: UGH fine Jimmy: 🙄 ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Janis: if I wanted to chat to my sister Janis: I'd ask if she was coming Jimmy: and if I wanted my lines corrected I'd @ Bill's 👻 Janis: maybe if I 🔊 'em I'd feel different Jimmy: I'll follow Libi's lead Janis: as long as it's before the shindig Janis: doesn't sound #goalz Jimmy: we'll have to whisper then Jimmy: wouldn't want the birthday girl to hear me calling her a twat Janis: 😏 Janis: not 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: heaven forbid Jimmy: have to have our own party and have it be up to us what's 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: we should Janis: but where Jimmy: we can have it here 🤞 they'll trash the place and Ian'll be so 💔🎻😭 he packs what's left up Janis: alright Janis: but where are you putting the kid Janis: your sister can hang maybe but call me crazy, six is a bit too young Jimmy: with his 👰? Janis: 💡 Janis: we could set that up Janis: my nan works with kids, the non-shit one Libi lives with Janis: he'd be good Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: ✔👍 Janis: BUT WHAT WILL WE WEAR Jimmy: OMG! Jimmy: 🛍🛍🛍!! Janis: 😍😍😍 Janis: YAAAAAAAASSSSSS Jimmy: what are you actually wearing for this bollocks in a bit though? Jimmy: 🚫💡 me Jimmy: do I go #goals or do her head in? Janis: you don't wanna look like you've made a special effort for her Janis: but I will be there so 🤔 Janis: go hot but more what they 💭 I'm into Jimmy: so dress like a lass? alright Janis: 😒❌ Janis: peak 'you' Janis: twat Jimmy: 😎 I get it Janis: 👏 Janis: there you go Jimmy: tah 😘 Jimmy: would HATE to upstage the birthday girl Janis: I've checked their socials to make sure I do Janis: as you asked Jimmy: should be in the group chat Jimmy: [shows her pisstakey qs he's been sending Asia] Janis: I turned the notifs off Jimmy: they do go on and on Jimmy: I won't 🗨 that'll be why you're 🥈 Janis: they wanna 🗨 to you Janis: not me Jimmy: but I want to talk to you Jimmy: and read what you have to say to them, obvs Janis: okay, fair point Jimmy: you're funny, said that before Janis: I won't  🗨 if it's list worthy Jimmy: alright, I won't tell you Janis: 😔 Jimmy: what? Janis: now I wanna know, obviously Janis: but Jimmy: but? Janis: won't ask won't tell Jimmy: so ask Janis: well you'll probably just say nah now Jimmy: make me sound like more of a dickhead Janis: you're not Janis: you just take the piss Jimmy: I know when to leave it out Janis: okay Janis: so does it? Jimmy: why wouldn't it? Janis: I know I'm great and have a MASSIVE head and everything Janis: but don't crack myself up Janis: 🤣🤣🤣😬 Jimmy: it's my list Jimmy: dunno why that's hard to get your head round Jimmy: you don't get a say what's on it and it don't matter if you agree or not Janis: alright Janis: were just saying why it might not be Jimmy: alright Janis: but is it Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: not gonna have a list of things and just not put something I give you loads of compliments about on it Janis: okay Janis: 😎 Jimmy: 🚭 for a bit 💔🎻 Janis: might have cigars Janis: is a birthday Jimmy: one Asia might've organised Janis: those candy ones Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: Bobby will be in his impression element Jimmy: he'd have to take Libi's fav 🖍 out from behind his 👂 Jimmy: not very #goals Janis: goals when she realises Janis: so 😍 Janis: she's done him a picture Janis: tell him to pretend it's good Jimmy: well harsh critic, you Jimmy: dunno if I wanna give you this 🎨 now Jimmy: or tell him owt 'cause he's been trying to get us to go knock on your nan's door for ages Janis: she's 4, and not picasso Janis: that's not mean Janis: we are ready, if he wants to come play first, or go to the park Janis: whatever Jimmy: you've near had my 👂 off, don't make me van Gogh Jimmy: be nice to me Janis: awh Janis: don't be 💙 Janis: come over Jimmy: okay Janis: you don't have to Janis: but she's rabid too Jimmy: I've left, not gonna turn him back round Jimmy: hang on Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [show up so Bobby can adorably ask Libi to come to this party with him like it's a date on the doorstep and Jimothy can give his bae a single 🌹 for the shakespearean romance of it along with this 🎨 which I like to think isn't just a doodle like the rest but a full moment because she really inspired him by getting them out of detention] Janis: [she will be thrilled, love to imagine how iconic the party fit we've assembled is, a whole mishmash of things we love you know the vibe, probably gonna smooch him like what a lovely surprise and this is her romcom now lmao, thank god these kids be distracted 'cos we are likewise overwhelmed af by both these gestures in a way we don't even want babbies to see thank you] Jimmy: [I know that you'd never be able to find a lewk iconic enough for this mvp so I shall imagine it, likewise glad that these children are having their rom com moment because adorable but also because Jimothy would be feeling so awks because we don't normally try with our art and don't think we're good at it, go show Bobby your room gal, kids love doing that and JJ can have a cuppa or something and calm down] Janis: [yeah idk what pinterest rabbit hole I'd have to go down but doubt we'd get the desired effect, I'm thinking some kind of superhero moment on top w a cape, then a tutu, then some snazzy boots, then a crown, you know exactly the moment we're wilding and Asia's sisters are gonna be like oh lmao, probably put Killer in the garden so she doesn't bowl Bobby over immediately but you can go play with her too, just keep looking at this art shamelessly 'cos he's stepped his game up and we are impressed, also finding a way to braid this rose into our hair which again doubt I'll get a photo but it'd be a lewk as well, go sit with your cuppas like the parents you are lol] Jimmy: [yeah they are usually v basic with their children's lewks you'd need instagram or like a celeb who lets their kid dress themselves and even then, might not be the vibe, Asia's sisters can honestly fuck off because we know the older one who's like younger than Cass so in my head probably like 9/10 is an even bigger bitch so, what's important is how buzzing these kids are because haven't seen each other for ages and how 😳 Jimmy is by her reaction to the art and her hair lewk and how shamelessly he'd be checking her out when she was making the tea because we know she's also wearing one] Janis: [like she's 4 hens idk what to tell ya, she does not care for your shade, we're having a time, we all know the gals, whoever be there, will be going for an overly girly look so you'd win by default but we've clearly tried 'cos want to and we know why] Jimmy: [not soz that she's not 7 going on 17 like the bday gal, idk about you but I feel like if Hollie has any siblings they are probably brothers so she has no reason to be there, so realistically none of them might be unless Grace is babysitting instead of working in the clothes shop in which case she might be but it wasn't really about any of you or for your benefit hens, plus that feels like a vibe because Asia probably was thinking she'd flirt with him] Janis: [tea, like she's a hoe so she don't care but she could've gone in if none of them were about so a mood, not soz to stop that awkwardness at all 'what continent is in his class then?'] Jimmy: [lbr Mia would be encouraging her to like she'd been trying to get Grace to when he first arrived so yeah, as for replying to the bae we just 😏 and shrugging as we make up loads of more and more ridiculous names] Janis: [we all know it, like okay ladies it's clearly not going anywhere but pop off embarrassing yourselves trying, just having a moment of doing that back and forth for the lols] Jimmy: [let it go Mia! we all know he'll have choked on his tea at least once because she is funny we weren't wrong] Janis: [we've missed this] Jimmy: [live your best lives kids even if he would keep getting distracted by the hair 🌹] Janis: ['any particular plan of attack or?'] Jimmy: ['you not leaving me on my own 'cause she'll have one for me' we're joking but lowkey where is the lie] Janis: [just a look that is like ew but obviously 'or with her ma' 'cos just imagining her as an older Asia like there's just all the generations here] Jimmy: [the look on his face would be everything because we've not even considered that] Janis: [just like mhmm, doubt you've ever met her mum in a real capacity girl but also doubt you're wrong lol 'dad did one for a reason...I'll protect you'] Jimmy: [snuggling into her like we're trying to hide which is obvs purely for the pisstake and not because we want to] Janis: [snuggling him back but in a really extra way to prove we're also in on the #bants of it all] Jimmy: ['you got a plan?' like is there anything you wanna do to fuck with the gals while we're there, blatantly still in the snugg as we say this] Janis: [thinking, not just to drag this whole experience out but you know, 'are we inviting them to the party?'] Jimmy: [drawing little ?s on her skin while she's thinking without thinking ourselves about how distracting that'd be or why we probably shouldn't rn 'depends'] Janis: [! when he's doing it but then doing it back to the depends] Jimmy: ['are we still their fake mates?' because lbr the temptation always to just tell them all to go fuck themselves and genuinely thinking about how she was gonna behave at this party if Janis wasn't there] Janis: [shrugs 'they're shit mates, we don't have to invite them and we could still use it later to fuck with them' like they'll get over the diss of not being invited so fuck it if we don't wanna] Jimmy: ['alright' boy you make me laugh does that mean you wanna invite them or you don't] Janis: [tickle him a bit like alright what, dickhead] Jimmy: [so fake offended like excuse you I'm not off my tits on Helena's pain meds today but we know he's actually okay because he's obvs ticking her back more than she did to him] Janis: [getting out 'I will kick you' but as a warning not a threat 'cos don't wanna actually injure you here boy] Jimmy: ['no you won't' lowkey sounds like a challenge there boy but we know you're saying she loves you too much 'not shit mates, us'] Janis: [a LOOK 'we're alright' 'cos didn't mean to drag you so much over a word, the feels are confusing and high] Jimmy: [return the LOOK 'and you are' because you're alright too still even though you did drag him 😏] Janis: [between 🤭 and 😳 like okay, I know, shh but we're not mad 'you' like you too bitch] Jimmy: [touch her hair like you've wanted to this entire time 'but this...' like this needs a word you won't drag me for because you've made such good choices gal 'not alright' because at the same time WE ARE AFFECTED AF] Janis: ['do something about it then' which IS a challenge but you know full well these kids are in and out/you have no time but do we care] Jimmy: [is going to pull her hair in that way that's meant to be playful and pisstakey but is saucy as all hell because of course he is] Janis: [trying so hard NOT to react and make a sound that the lip bite you have to do would be indecent Jimmy: [so indecent that he'd have to do his own while we run our thumb over her bottom lip like always] Janis: [kissing that thumb honey] Jimmy: [I hope the kids are busy because we're making a SOUND like it or not] Janis: [be in the bedroom playing happily tah] Jimmy: [you gotta because we're pulling her into our lap to kiss her] Janis: [we will let you have this 'cos you need to] Jimmy: [likewise gotta let him also pull whatever clothes he needs aside so he can do an epic lovebite somewhere where these kids nor the kids at this party can't see the massive bruise because they'd all have faded and that upsets me] Janis: [boo says not on my watch, I also sincerely hope mcvickers have gone somewhere for the day and don't just waltz in now because we are so into it] Jimmy: [soz but we've started something now without him stopping himself so we literally cannot stop, it has been forever since they last did any of this] Janis: [concerned he would never wanna again so we're doing the most rn] Jimmy: [I don't even need to say how into it he is] Janis: [bit rude of us to do this and send you to a kid's party but that's life] Jimmy: [I am that rude bitch] Janis: [if it wasn't rude to Bobby we'd just dump you on 'em but you know, this has dealt with some tension and increased the rest lmao] Jimmy: [you're welcome but also I'm soz (I'm not though) hens] Janis: [gotta stunt on Asia so she can report back] Jimmy: [we shall and it'll be glorious] Jimmy: [I was thinking there should be a person there doing the kids' make up and nails because she's 7 going on 17 and so Bobby should get his painted Libi's fave colour and vice versa] Janis: [that's cute as hell, Libi acting like this makeup lady is a facepaint one like make me this tah] Jimmy: [don't worry gal, jimothy will paint your face for you when we leave this party and it will be bomb because I feel like the makeup woman is like that hairdresser woman in the duchess who wouldn't let her daughter sit in the car] Janis: [Luckily you to lil to be made to feel embarrassed just like hmm you're not very good are you like can't make me a tiger? bit shit hen lmao] Jimmy: [sass everyone gal JJ are here for it and you know they'd also ask her to facepaint them, just coming at her with ideas until she's like please stop] Janis: [this woman trying to paint pink nails and do some sparkly gloss and we're like challenge yourself babes, also gonna scran this party food it better be good fam] Jimmy: [I hope it tastes alright at least even if it looks tacky as hell lol] Janis: [at least you can't not go the sugar route at a kids bday, can't make 'em eat salads n water lol] Jimmy: [imagine everyone dancing please, JJ be dancing, Libi and Bobby, Libi and Jimothy and Janis and Bobby] Janis: [a whole mood, imagine everyone's faces at all times it's so amusing] Jimmy: [I can't wait for when Asia reports all of this back to Mia and she sees all the content everyone is posting] Janis: [when has a boy ever, the idea of even bringing one home horrifies y'all] Jimmy: [not at all soz that he's actually the softest boy ever and loves both of these bubs instead of whatever weird barista stereotype y'all thought] Janis: [they obvs thought he was 😎 stereotype for real like ok gals] Jimmy: [omg just saw on Pinterest these cards like who knows the bday girl best that you fill in and we have to have JJ fill in some for their own lols that they obvs aren't gonna give to this child but] Janis: [that's a must omg] Jimmy: [also there should be like a cupcake decorating station or something like that because the bubs would actually have fun doing that and JJ can be competitive doing theirs] Jimmy: [photobooth goes without saying but one where the photos come out and you can keep them because then we can have so many great mems thank you] Janis: [when we're just ignoring every guest lowkey love it] Jimmy: [obvs if there are kids in your class you fuck with Bobby you can proudly introduce Libi to them, cos let's assume they aren't all dicks] Jimmy: [and lowkey Libi can introduce Bobby because he's been too shy to talk to any of y'all] Janis: [statistically, some of you must be okay lol, also some kids lowkey like the shine of a 'different' kid and like to like help, which is cute even if it's a bit like oh you special, they don't mean it like that] Jimmy: [yeah at that age they are basically just trying to be nice and helpful so it's fine] Janis: [make some friends, Libi is v sociable so this should be fun and not as terrible as you worried, we got you babe] Jimmy: [at least if Libi has got this JJ can have a sec to themselves] Janis: [got to be couple #goals too, I mean we have been but like, keep Asia away] Jimmy: [because that's the ONLY reason honey not that we just wanna] Janis: [mhmm, obvs, not like we got interrupted from going there] Jimmy: [and we obvs think she's gonna just leave after this and go do whatever so we're trying to make the most of this time as if we won't shamelessly invite her in to have her face painted] Janis: [like where does she wanna be, she didn't even wanna beforehand but especially not now lol god bless] Jimmy: [like he probably thinks she wants to go 🐕🏃 for that 💰 but you could literally take these children with you sir] Janis: [like that is what we would do but we also want a life 'cos we've not for these last 3 going on 4 years and it's getting old] Jimmy: [the tea because likewise all he does is work and look after Bobby and Cass so we just wanna live our own life] Janis: [it's both what we want and good news guys you're gonna make it] Jimmy: [gonna be such good parents because you're already doing it now when you're literally 15 and not in a good headspace/situation] Janis: [letting you have fun first, we still gotta look after these kiddos but we're gonna get rid of Ian and Cass will be old enough to help and it'll all be better] Jimmy: [sounds like they are gonna kill Ian which makes me lol] Janis: [lmao, plottwist but no, lowkey what do happen to you Ian lordt] Jimmy: [please feel free to fuck off somewhere else like back up north sir] Janis: [that's a mood, like okay, bye then] Jimmy: [but anyway before we get derailed is there anything else you wanna do at this party or shall we skip?] Janis: [we probably know the vibes, we all had a good time despite the odds and the gals are gonna get the lowdown from Asia] Jimmy: [enjoy the walk back because the kids will be running ahead buzzing off all this sugar and their good time] Janis: [you should take both dogs out as y'all are buzzing, run off their energy too] Jimmy: [good idea because Twix do need to socialise too she's just a baby] Janis: [yeah Killer is a bit older now but she's still v excitable] Jimmy: [just two 🐕 gal pals] Janis: [love stories for all lollollol] Jimmy: [imagine all the artsy pics Jimothy would be getting like a little art hoe] Janis: [we're about it, such a family unit honestly it's wild] Jimmy: [I love it but not the awkward moment when they get back to mcvickers house to take Killer home and he has to be like are you coming to have your face painted or what because fully expecting her to be like nahhh] Janis: [DO YOU WANT YOUR FACE PAINTED BITCH, just seeming like we're like HELL YEAH 'cos we do wanna come] Jimmy: [also we should say mcvickers are back for the lols] Janis: [absolutely, we would've messaged them so they weren't like HELLO but now when we're going back to his it's like SeriousParentTime™] Jimmy: [maybe they won't let Libi sleep over so she's just coming for a bit because then once Bobby crashes they can actually live] Janis: [that makes sense for now, she's probably never had a sleepover outside of the fam because she's that small so go with that] Jimmy: [and lowkey we could potentially palm Bobby off on Cass to put to bed if they wanted to go to the pub or wherever because they are both serving lewks] Janis: [have walked the dog and had 'em all day, c'mon gal lol] Jimmy: [exactly but for now go and do your facepainting sesh because I vote that Bobby is a 🐺 seeing as it's like a dog upgrade and he's feeling himself today and that Jimothy gets the bae to do him as a 💀 for that flatwhite shade] Janis: [ooh, what do you wanna be gals] Janis: [hmm, Libi should ask for a galaxy moment 'cos Star, no pressure, get abstract lmao, maybe a vampire moment for you Janis] Jimmy: [let's not think about how up close and personal facepainting is lads] Janis: [but let's lmao] Jimmy: [please go return the favour of showing Libi your room and then like go on the trampoline or something children] Janis: [live your best lives so we can be here with our face paint on lol] Jimmy: [obvs offering her more tea] Janis: [just gesturing to our face like make it blood but obvs nodding 'cos duh] Jimmy: [he is a big enough nerd to like bring you a glass of water with red food colouring in it while the kettle boils] Janis: [🙄😏 'cos he's funny too hun] Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna snatch that 🌹 out of her hair and put it in the water but obvs doesn't actually] Janis: [fake #shooketh 'no takebacks'] Jimmy: ['you wanna kill it an' all?' just flirting and sassing nbd] Janis: ['sure, blame me when you picked it' fake tut] Jimmy: [Oi, you inspired me, it is your fault' looks up dramatically to where Bill's ghost would be floating around 'and a bit his'] Janis: [flirty smiles at where Bill is like I don't mind hehe] Jimmy: [throw something at her like we're so fake jealous and fuming] Janis: [throw something back 'he can't help being a romantic'] Jimmy: [going to make that tea like uggggggggh] Janis: don't be jealous Janis: he 💕 you too Jimmy: he's just using me to get to you Jimmy: not as thick as I look Janis: how long were you chatting to asia Janis: sounds just like her Jimmy: if she's the unappreciated genius 🖋🎭 instead of me and my 🎨 FUMING Jimmy: plot twist too far, that Janis: 😂 Janis: think you're safe Janis: much to her 💔 Jimmy: I were a bit ago an' all, tah for that Jimmy: very 💪🏆🥇 you Janis: reckon you could take her in a fight but Janis: yeah Jimmy: not THAT northern, steady on Janis: you'd be doing her a favour Janis: 🦷🦷 Janis: so fuck that Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: if I were bothered about doing other lasses favours I'd open my DMs Janis: you've mentioned Jimmy: you want owt else while I'm here? Janis: all good Janis: tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'm glad he ended up having a good time Janis: and not every kid in his class is a little twat Jimmy: only be 💔🎻😭 when she goes off home Jimmy: how it should be Janis: 😏 such a purist, you Jimmy: a what? Jimmy: sounds well like you're insulting us Janis: maybe Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: LITERALLY just complimented you Janis: when? Janis: must be AGES ago Jimmy: I get it, you don't know how to tell time either Jimmy: it's alright, we'll work it out together Jimmy: [bring that tea in] Janis: [buzzing like we really need this tea, nothing to do with you] Jimmy: [we're totally also buzzing about this tea and not because she is, yep] Janis: [no one is this excited for a cuppa not even yous or us lol] Jimmy: [I like to think that he goes to kiss her and once again stops himself but this time it's only because of the face paint and we're looking in the direction of upstairs where the children are 'don't fancy having that Q&A' meaning Libi asking what happened if she appears and they have ruined it] Janis: ['she's a right cockblock' and what's meant to be a fake 😒 but we're not not lbr] Jimmy: [we're remembering when we played that game where you had to kiss without touching and reminding her about it like we could change the rules if you're up for that challenge] Janis: [nods 'cos don't trust ourselves to say ANYTHING about this idea] Jimmy: [picture this, he starts out by touching her hair OBVS because he's obsessed but then just gently pulling on her earlobe cos he would've put it in his mouth if he could've then going down her jawline and neck writing kiss or doing an ✔ depending on the surface area we have to play with using our fingertip and varying the amount of pressure depending if it would've been a hard or soft kiss and just doing that for all the skin that's available everywhere] Janis: [shan't because we can't cope and at least we can be obvious about that, these kids are busy and gotta do what we gotta do Jimmy: [gotta do what we've gotta do and we are doing the MOST on this sofa rn even though his entire family + Libi could appear any moment] Janis: [getting on top of you on this sofa even though it's a bad idea for all the above reasons, not to mention the eye contact it demands 'you're rude'] Jimmy: [but it's a good idea for the sound he would make when she did so we're unrepentant over here 'you' well done for getting the word out boy] Janis: [shaking her head and getting the most movement out of that 'you started it'] Jimmy: [pulling her even closer like yeah I did and I'm not soz] Janis: [running our finger across his neck like you should be 'Jimmy...' at least this would be quiet because we're that close but that's the only at least] Jimmy: [touching the lovebite he gave her earlier so deliberately with such intense eye contact like I am simply not though] Janis: ['takes the piss' and pouting 'cos literally vampire facepaint and she hasn't given him one yet] Jimmy: [running his thumb over that lip whilst doing his own pout because we wanna do the pouty lip bite thing SO BAD rn but we can't] Janis: [biting our lip where his thumb just was] Jimmy: [such a frustrated noise as if this wasn't his idea lol] Janis: [finally feeling like we've had a win there so we're smug] Jimmy: [tickling her like how dare you not also be dying here excuse you] Janis: [trying to pin his hands above his head like no no] Jimmy: [he's totally gonna end up pinning you to this sofa gal, just the sauciest playfight of all time happening] Janis: [we know we're breaking and we do not care, fight us Libi] Jimmy: [proud of you for lasting as long as you did tbh] Janis: [truly, have your lovebite and then some boy] Jimmy: [have to let you hook up here without anyone interrupting you or else you will both die] Janis: [have a quickie guys] Jimmy: [can't be dealing with your bad moods if you don't] Janis: [it has been days, which in your timeline is like nearly half of lmao so] Jimmy: [we all know you're extra] Janis: [gonna have to take Libi back soon gal] Jimmy: [everyone's gonna be gutted to be separated but the lads will walk you back because gentlemanly like that] Jimmy: [but for now have your tea that you're gonna have to put in the microwave because you never touched it] Janis: [my boo says HELLO] Jimmy: [also probably take your face paint off because I dread to think the state of it now] Janis: [the black face energy getting real lmao] Jimmy: [if you don't go do this together and mess about while you do by like having a water fight and only removing bits at a time so you look silly etc then I don't wanna know either of you] Janis: [obviously we must, also I think the bubbys paint should be a little smudged 'cos Libi keeps smooching him like my shameless boo] Jimmy: [so cute and I can imagine JJ just giving each other a look like 😏 because relatable] Janis: [gonna age Tess so hard gal] Jimmy: [be looking like her sim] Janis: [poor tess haha] Jimmy: [I really hope you don't actually put her through it as you're growing up hun, we've been through enough] Janis: [we do need to think about that now you exist in gen 4 kinda but like yeah, arguably we could also do bobby in the first part of the gen, ANYWAY THOUGH] Jimmy: [we could totally do some of them next if you want because we know they are gonna stay friends so] Janis: [cuteness and potential] Jimmy: [anyway is there anything else you wanna have happen before Libi goes home or no?] Janis: [we don't have to do it if you don't wanna but important to note you're obvs sleeping over right] Jimmy: [totally because I still think they should go out even if it's just to his local pub but it could also be in town out depending on the mood though I don't know how you're gonna be like DO YOU WANNA when you're yet again on this doorstep or wherever lol] Janis: [for sure, do something purely 'cos you wanna and there's no excuse or distraction] Jimmy: [exactly, because you obviously haven't yet since she got back] Janis: [or lowkey ever? you might've actually, xmas eve yeah nvm] Jimmy: [could be argued that the pub crawl was for content though whereas they literally don't need to do any more today so] Janis: [mhmm, we've slayed today, you could've gone home hun] Jimmy: [exactly and that's why this is so important but for real I don't know how he's gonna be like do you wanna not go in and come back with me yet again so there's that] Janis: [don't worry, you can probably just hook up and then be like may as well stay] Jimmy: [just throw Bobby at Cass when you get back and then you can leave] Janis: [though it might be a conversation™ 'cos she would go to leave if not immediately 'cos bit rude but early in the AM] Jimmy: [mhmm just gotta make himself too vulnerable by being like no no, hope you're at least a bit drunk guys] Janis: [sure you will be honeys, where do we wanna skip to then] Jimmy: [question is do we wanna do any of this night out and see what happens or just skip to the end? hm Janis: [always fun to do a night out, even if we skip around 'cos a lot of we know the vibe I'm sure but we can see peeps, things can happen, without it being drama central] Jimmy: [no drama please, we're trying to have a nice chill time] Janis: [exactly dr phil, and we can, there's been enough heightened emotions for a while and we've really brushed them under the rug tbh] Jimmy: [hence I'm like we should probably do this night out because when you're drunk stuff might come out] Janis: [pop off and let's ride lads] Jimmy: [the question is lads do you wanna go out out so we can really serve these lewks or stay local so you're less likely to see the world and his wife] Janis: [hmmmmm, I say go to town 'cos xmas eve you stayed local to her so go off] Jimmy: [that is true, lets go with that] Janis: [you can try and get in some of the more iconic dublin pubs and show him the sights so] Jimmy: [yeah because he wouldn't have been because he's only been here for like 2 months now and we know he's antisocial] Janis: [and you are but children, plus going out to drink on your own is depressing soz you can do lots of things alone but not that lbr] Jimmy: [literally he has done nothing since he moved here like we said before so I'm glad you have each other now] Janis: [unlikely we've done it before either 'cos age, like but we'll know where to go] Jimmy: [I vote you have to only order drinks that cliché tourists would] Janis: [really annoying cocktails they hate making etc] Jimmy: [and Guinness like you think you're doing something] Janis: [you'll be so full lol] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: 🤰 Jimmy: 👶'll be 🍀💚🎩🌈 as fuck Janis: if it makes it Janis: 🥴 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 as you, obvs Janis: n'awh Janis: you 👍? Jimmy: I am now you've broke that news Jimmy: 😁 Janis: we're all buzzing Janis: reason to celebrate never needed when you're 🍀💚🎩🌈 but Jimmy: @iantaylor8 🏆 for most chuffed of all about the 🍀💚🎩🌈 bit Jimmy: 🍾🍻 Janis: not yours, basically white Janis: his round then? 😁 Jimmy: we'd need more luck than that to get him to 💰 owt now that 🎄 is done with Jimmy: have to kill and rob him Jimmy: but as far as celebrations go, wouldn't be 👎 Janis: let's come up  with plan #2 Janis: we can handle it Jimmy: how does the 👶 wanna do it? all about them now Janis: car bomb, obviously Jimmy: nod to its real dad Janis: pretty sure we did a big 💣 in manchester so ian will be #triggered Jimmy: just keep giving me more and more top news today, you Janis: kind of mate I am Janis: anything to see you 😁 Jimmy: [doing it IRL of course] Janis: [when he still looks good fuming tbh, squishing his face like ugh] Jimmy: [making it into a kissy face like you love me really] Janis: [pushing him away by his face but not as aggressive as that sounds and standing up to get more drinks in as Ian isn't gonna show] Jimmy: [pulls her back not as aggressive as that sounds either lol even though we know she's only leaving to get more drinks] Janis: ['oi!' and a look like whaaaaaa but it's a LOOK] Jimmy: [all the eye contact as he stands up and sit her down in his seat like no no not in your condition I will go] Jimmy: [*** unrelated to what we're doing now but I had an idea that earlier like when Bobby and Libi were doing their goodbyes cos don't need him to translate that Jimothy signed pub? at the bae in irish sign language because he doesn't know much yet and isn't trying hard to learn because he thinks they're gonna leave but he'd have learnt that as a pisstake anyway just wanted to put this here so I didn't forget that lil nugget of info my brain thought up at like 3am***] Janis: [love that for you boy, noted] Janis: [🙄 but loling like alright, if you wanna pay fine by me boy] Jimmy: [signing 'stay' from the bar because I feel like the bubs would've been doing that at Twix and Killer today so we can pretend that's purely pisstakey and no deeper] Janis: [🤨 but in a sassy manner] Janis: coming for my gig now? Jimmy: can't be taking 💰 off you that's 🍼 out the 👶's mouth Janis: you ain't gonna pay for it? Janis: rude Jimmy: OBVS, but I don't reckon 💀👑'll hear and crack on FINALLY 💰 me tips Janis: 💡 Janis: sleep with her dad, tell him it's his Janis: live off that hush 💰 Jimmy: more 🥇💡 DON'T but 🗨 you did after you've put something in his drink/ let him be a massive pisshead on it 'cause you understand him unlike his missus Jimmy: all we've faked up to now, DNA test'd be piss easy Janis: just have to snatch a bit of 💀👑's hair Janis: not hard Janis: saliva and we'd be fucked, dunno if she produces that any more Jimmy: have to hurry while she's still got hair Janis: bet #2 has some Jimmy: go round hers in a bit, can't wait, me Jimmy: 💭 if we found out 💀👑 weren't his Jimmy: they'd both be SO 💔🎻😭 to have to dump each other Janis: I wish Janis: only my family giving that level of drama Jimmy: 💔 you can't use 😭 to do a test, I'd have got Ian to crack on ages ago Janis: whoever's your dad is also Bobby's, that's for sure Jimmy: probably is him then, he ain't the sort to let his missus have bloke mates hanging round that long Janis: soz, mate Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: be a 🥇 looking 👶 at least Jimmy: all our shit parents got that bit right Janis: guess so Janis: tah for the genetics, I'll take it from here Jimmy: [bring those drinks boy and obvs get her up so you can sit back down in your seat and she can sit on you] Janis: [forever and always even though the eye contact it demands is cray, just smiling and drinking our drink] Jimmy: [likewise but also just doodling on her skin absentmindedly because we're in love and probably a bit drunk by now assumedly] Janis: ['you could do that for a job' we mean tattooist but that isn't very clear gal so we must be a lil tipsy] Jimmy: [shoutout to your future child, love that but obvs he's like ? and draws it on her] Janis: [just like ugh at ourselves 'tattoos and shit, you know' shrugs 'you got a plan?'] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we haven't let ourselves think about the future for so many reasons 'do you?'] Janis: ['nah' shakes head 'but I'll get by, don't need more, like'] Jimmy: [nodding because we get it and doing a cheers with this drink] Janis: [drink to that lads 'if anything, easier to walk dogs when I've got a car'] Jimmy: ['any time you wanna borrow Ian's, crack on' we're just thinking that he's too happy and settled rn and we need to annoy him more lol] Janis: [😏 and cheersing again like tah] Jimmy: number of 🐕s, should probably nick a 🚍 instead though Janis: can do that too Jimmy: can 😴 there an' all if you need to Jimmy: stretch out Janis: living in one seems like something my ma'd do though Janis: ❌ Jimmy: bet your shit nan's church group'd have their 👀 on it Janis: [visibly 😒] Janis: goes without saying Jimmy: [a lil feelsy lean like soz because we know she sucks even if we don't know what happened] Janis: [using it to push him off in a jokey get off kinda way, like you ain't sat on him rn] Jimmy: [messing about like you're both gonna dramatically fall off this chair but then lowkey hurting himself a lil bit though we're obvs playing that off as fake too but it's real because yet again we've had a very busy day and done so much as if we're perfectly fine] Janis: [picking him back up and steadying him like you okay boy? and nudging his drink towards his lips like that'll help] Jimmy: [down that drink boy] Janis: [just lowkey having a feel of his stomach/ribs etc like you gotta check] Jimmy: [😏 cos we're pretending she's doing it to flirt with us obvs like she just can't keep her hands to herself ever which is true but also shh sir] Janis: [going with it 'cos not not true and we know it makes him awks but we still wanna] Jimmy: [kissing her because we always just want to] Janis: [have this makeout sesh whilst giving him a massage casually] Jimmy: [excuse us people in this pub] Janis: [looks dodgier than it is frankly] Jimmy: [love how shameless you both are and how often you just behave like you're the only two people around] Janis: [we're so unbothered by other people unless they're really in our faces about it] Jimmy: [mhmm hence we're just saying we missed her and how much in between kisses because we have and we're obvs so into everything she's doing rn] Janis: ['did you?' 'cos 'course we don't believe him/it] Jimmy: [stop kissing her for long enough you can hold that eye contact so she knows you mean it but then kiss her more intensely obvs] Janis: [going in even harder 'cos definition of !!! about it] Jimmy: [have a moment because it's deserved and needed and it'll shut him up from saying any more for a sec] Janis: [saying nothing in this pub but people should do something/be staring or say something so we can move huuuuuuuun] Jimmy: [that's realistic so yes] Janis: [we going about this town] Jimmy: [twirl her like you would've done when you were at this kid's party earlier please boy] Janis: [dance down these streets but don't fall tah] Jimmy: [and don't knock into anyone either because we don't need that drama] Janis: [no fighting shakira shakira] Jimmy: [not tonight thank you] Janis: [we gotta get drunk and spill secrets] Jimmy: [confess as many feelings as we dare] Janis: [heheheh, getting shots in that vein] Jimmy: [good idea boo] Janis: 🥃🥃🥃 Jimmy: 🥳🥳🥳 Janis: partying for 2 Jimmy: remind me to @ Asia 7 years from now to let her know how to throw a 🎁🎂🎈 that ain't all 💅💄 Janis: you ain't bad at face painting Janis: can have that Jimmy: tah very much Jimmy: be alright as long as Libi don't have me doing it whenever I see her Jimmy: be a bit weird if I have to carry a full face painting kit about Janis: you don't need to be that whipped Janis: won't hurt her to hear a nah every once and a while Jimmy: no need to be jealous, Jules Jimmy: you're still my muse Janis: piss off Jimmy: I'll 🥺🥺 for 2 if you make me Janis: go ahead Jimmy: [does] Janis: [regret 'cos we feeling all the things now] Jimmy: [carve that JJ love heart into the pub table like see you're my muse and ILY] Janis: [just tracing our finger round and round this heart] Jimmy: [literally is about to draw a heart on her and I'm like boy stop] Janis: ['your ex really cheat on you?' like why would he lie, but can't believe it] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' because genuinely not something he expected her to ask rn] Janis: [a shrug like soz 'just what I was thinking about'] Jimmy: [a nudge but a gentle one 'what you thinking about her for?' sir she's thinking about you] Janis: [tuts like ugh, making me explain myself, how rude lol 'are you a shit real boyfriend or what?' like why would she if you were how you're faking now] Jimmy: [a shrug like 1. probably because the messy time after his mum disappeared 2. they were young af and neither of them had good role models clearly but we don't wanna really get into either of those things 'depends on the scale' like compared to who hun because lbr not an Ian or Mia's dad but we weren't #goals] Janis: [nods like we get it 'cos we do even though not personally like that might suggest, the shakes her head like let's move on 'cos accidentally brought the vibe down and we didn't mean to 'whatever, none of my business'] Jimmy: [leaves the ex's @ in this chat whatever it is like @ her for her POV if you like but irl we're shrugging again because we're so over her just not the mum mems of that era] Janis: 🤐 Janis: [dranking this drank faster] Jimmy: [nudges her like hey it's alright] Jimmy: *🔊 Janis: [😏 'not there yet' like let's go back to bants] Jimmy: where are you then? Janis: 🥺 of course Janis: you're quite inspiring too Jimmy: show me Janis: [😳 and can't do it back 'cos now we've got the giggles like stop it] Janis: can't just 👏 like Jimmy: [we're just 😍 af because she's adorable bye] Jimmy: alright, if there's no 👏 have to take back that 🌹 and your 🏆s Jimmy: go together them Janis: well now I'm 😠 Janis: [does that instead] Jimmy: [does a 📷 mime and then wordlessly goes to get her some kind of forfeit drink for not being oscar worthy af] Janis: [doing it now he's further away 'cos easier] Jimmy: you're rude, said it earlier Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [points] Jimmy: [signs it which I lowkey do think is just a point but anyway] Janis: 👆 Janis: the point emojis are crap Jimmy: 💔 Janis: looks more come here Janis: which don't not work rn but Jimmy: but do come here Janis: [making our way over, of course] Jimmy: [checking her out as she does obvs and when she does get there gesturing like get this barman's attention please because it's busy but she's a hot girl so she'll have more luck] Janis: [do the least to do the most such is your privilege babe] Jimmy: [kiss her like thank you because we weren't trying to stand there all night] Janis: [the barman like aw lmao] Jimmy: #👻problems Janis: #🍆problems Jimmy: fuming if it's a not a lass serving next Janis: fuming if it is, obvs Jimmy: if you're 😠 again, I'll be back at chuffed to bits Jimmy: so cute Janis: [fake punches him] Jimmy: [writes hate across her knuckles because I am not letting you write love boy stop it] Janis: [takes off the e by pretending to cut off the pinky] Jimmy: [😏 and draws the 🎩 on the back of her hand for that irish af vibe] Janis: [writes 'pot' on the other hand like there you go, pot of gold too] Jimmy: [draw a 🌈 on that one and 💰] Janis: [lols like lovely 'told you you had a future in it'] Jimmy: [just shaking his head because we can't take a compliment] Jimmy: you gonna name this 👶 something I can't pronounce or what? Janis: [raising our brows sassily like not hard] Janis: you can name it Janis: guilt trip move Jimmy: 🤔🤔💭 Jimmy: What's Mia's daddy's name? Jimmy: got a lie to sell here Janis: 🤔 Janis: maybe Michael or something, idk Janis: Miles Jimmy: Miley he'll love that Janis: meet your new sister Mia Jimmy: sister and step mum Janis: not even weird for me Jimmy: Libi must've missed that bit when she were doing the family tree Janis: thank fuck Janis: only so much you need to hear Jimmy: what were it you said about my ages old 💔? Jimmy: nowt to do with me, that Janis: nor me Jimmy: I told you before, up to you what you wanna 🗨 Janis: you pick Jimmy: your full list's all I want Janis: [a LOOK] Jimmy: [one back always] Jimmy: you owe me the one Janis: true Janis: remind me what I've said Jimmy: 1. 🚬👃 2. 🎤🗨 3. 💋 4. 🖕✌️🤟 is a might be, you never said it were or weren't for definite 5. 🤝 6. 💫 dunno what else to do for freckles so Janis: [impressed he remembered 'cos obviously did not just look through like my boo just had to lol] Janis: don't wanna repeat, wouldn't be fair Jimmy: [when it's really important to you because you literally told her in that convo that nobody has ever been this nice to you and it's obvs true] Jimmy: so go on Janis: it's unfair you took 👀s Janis: when yours are like ☀️ Janis: but I like your brows too Jimmy: you're ☀ Jimmy: and you know I'm fuming you took 💋 an' all Jimmy: but we've both got smell on there so I'm not gonna stop you rating what you rate Janis: take it as a whole Janis: you have pretty lashes too Janis: it's Jimmy: that'll get out of hand when I just say your entire face Jimmy: or your whole body Janis: everything about you Jimmy: that an' all Janis: [and I oop, just like our drink looks so interesting rn because dying] Jimmy: [a soft 'hey' because of course like 👀 at me] Janis: [you gotta look up gal 'yeah?' also soft] Jimmy: [gestures at her to come here like you literally didn't just get kicked out of a pub for this] Janis: [do though who are we] Jimmy: [we're softly but insistently kissing the bae's throat like we can coax words out cos so much we wanna say and so much we wanna hear] Janis: [the noise we are making, running our hands through his hair goes to gripping it 'you're not-' 'I'm supposed-' can we finish a sentence? no] Jimmy: [just doing it again like do you wanna finish a sentence gal and not at all because of her other reaction of course not] Janis: ['stop it' but in the most don't stop tone imaginable 'cos at least that's a sentence] Jimmy: [we're not but we are smooching the side of her neck instead] Janis: ['coming for my gig again' and moving to the side so you've gotta smooch for reals] Jimmy: [have a lil make out lads] Janis: [again lollol] Jimmy: [can't and won't be tamed, we're doing what we want tonight] Janis: [speaking of, you should get some good scran, idk what but I'm sure there's some bomb takeout vibes] Jimmy: [definitely, I doubt there was much savoury food at that party] Janis: [you can walk n eat n mayhaps talk hmm] Jimmy: [and snuggle because it's probably cold] Janis: [even if it's stopped snowing, deffo] Jimmy: [obvs just nudging her as you go along like you alright? because this boy loves checking in] Janis: [nudges him back like aren't you?] Jimmy: [smiling because we're having a lovely time] Janis: [😍 'good'] Jimmy: [😍 and doing the handhold swingy thing as we walk] Janis: ['you're alright, you know, not boring' just sounds like you thought he was but we mean in comparison to other peeps] Jimmy: ['when did you reckon I were boring? but we're amused 'bit rude'] Janis: [a face like oi but also amused 'no, I just didn't know you weren't before'] Jimmy: ['I knew you weren't' which makes you sound like a stalker or something lol but we're too drunk to think that through clearly] Janis: ['no you didn't' not just to be contrary we're just like lies lmao] Jimmy: [his own oi face 'wouldn't have picked you if I didn't' because true] Janis: [just narrowing our eyes like suspish but okay 'well I knew you didn't chat shit constantly, or try hard like most lads do' shrugs like bitch I noticed you too] Jimmy: [🤐 mime like well yeah I don't say anything and shrugging back 'no need' because he doesn't feel like he has anything to brag about genuinely and obvs we don't have any reason to try hard for the people we don't care about] Janis: [just gesturing like yes, my point exactly 'don't stop 'em, does it'] Jimmy: [gets out the phone we've literally not looked at all night, frowns at it and puts it back without actually bothering to do anything except make a point 'the lasses either, but that's not the kind of dickheads we are'] Janis: [shakes her head like no we are not and puts her hand out for him to shake] Jimmy: [does and then does pull her in for a hug because always 'chuffed it were you' from within this hug] Janis: ['we've done a good job' also from within the hug] Jimmy: [shaking his head because we don't wanna call it a job when literally you always do sir and also that now looks like you don't think this is going well] Janis: [looking at him when you pull back like ? because how it looks] Jimmy: ['not just a shift I'm putting in, you'] Janis: ['I dunno why I had a go about that' just like how cringe of me to show I gave a shit ugh] Jimmy: ['don't you?' and a shrug 'alright then' like oh are we just pretending we don't give a shit tonight okay cos we're sassy] Janis: [little lol 'don't take the piss' 'you know what I mean. meant. whatever'] Jimmy: ['don't sound like me that' 😏 because she literally said he's not a dickhead but he takes the piss] Janis: [getting SO close and making him stop walking so you can whisper in his ear 'it sounds exactly like you' and nipping his earlobe when you say 'sounds'] Jimmy: [saying 'fuck' with SO much feeling how they do] Janis: [nods like that's what I want to and looks around like we picked the wrong location lol] Jimmy: [looks in the direction they'd have to go to retrace their steps like if you wanna go we can go because Ian's stash forever] Janis: [follows his gaze like we could but eventually shakes her head 'we've got time, more places you need to see first if you wanna be a proper tourist'] Jimmy: [nods because 🥇 or nowt is the mantra but we're kissing her really hard first so she knows we're not just chill and we feel the tension and want the same things] Janis: [have your moment and take one before the next location] Jimmy: [for once I doubt you're the only peeps being extra at least such are the joys of town] Janis: [people always cracking on you're fine, even if you cared, which we are far beyond] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [full drunk by now, never mind all our feels] Jimmy: [they should go somewhere they can do some grooving because not something they've done a lot of because of her ankle happening] Janis: [good thinking boo, hit the clerb, whole different vibe] Jimmy: [how cinematic when juxtaposed against the dancing at the kids party earlier lol] Janis: [day and night honey] Jimmy: [another good excuse for more shots because you can't dance and hold a big drink] Janis: [ooh, maybe Harry could be there Janis: we can just see and ignore him but intro that 'cos haven't yey] Jimmy: [I just nearly gasped because yes we do need to do that before all the sports stuff starts and she runs into him in a way she can't swerve] Janis: [it seems legit you could be out with your mates boy, you could be a bit older/look it too, it's believable you ain't the gals, maybe if she's getting drinks or Jimmy is he can come up but it'll look like just another random tryna hit her up] Jimmy: [that seems legit to me too] Janis: [but obviously it'd put her in some type of mood] Jimmy: [might also open a line of dialogue though so] Janis: [mhmm] Jimmy: [what way round do you wanna do it because obvs if he goes to get drinks and comes back to find them talking or whatever he'll be like bitch excuse me but if she was getting drinks and runs into him that way he won't even see Harry/know about that interaction] Janis: [maybe he goes to get them, it makes it easier, even if Harry literally walks away as he comes back 'cos that kind of snekk, he'd still see but they always getting hit on so he wouldn't assume that was responsible and be like oh I get it, yknow] Jimmy: [he'll just be like 🤨 looking him over as Harry walks away  but yeah not concerned and more jokey because it does happen always and he knows she can handle it] Janis: [just 😒 watching him go] Jimmy: [handing her these shots because we just think like we said he's a stranger and she'll be over it in a sec] Janis: [down it with vigour hun] Jimmy: [likewise because that's just how shots are, you gotta go in] Janis: [ick] Jimmy: [have never enjoyed a single one I've ever had but they are not J potato] Janis: [who is babe, go get your groove on aggressively] Jimmy: [hope it's not a slow jam and I especially hope Harry is not also hitting the dancefloor with some gal] Janis: [oh lawd, we're not doing that cliche of catching eyes dancing with other people boy, I think not] Jimmy: [you think you're that important Harold but you're honestly not] Janis: [accidentally making him think you're that into him, nah] Jimmy: [but anyway I shall start a convo when we've been dancing for an age and you're clearly still 😒 hun] Jimmy: What? Janis: what do you mean what? Jimmy: what's wrong? Janis: what do you reckon makes clubs smell so bad Janis: apart from all the sweat, that's obvious Jimmy: answer me, dickhead Janis: I'm alright, seriously Jimmy: bollocks Janis: ugh Janis: it's nothing though Jimmy: *something Jimmy: you wanna go outside? Janis: [mimes 🚬] Janis: sure Jimmy: [taking her hand like let's go] Janis: [smoking area moment, not like you'll be alone they're always packed] Jimmy: [lighting you both up and giving her a sec] Janis: ['just know that lad' shrugging like that explains that] Jimmy: ['and what?' because we're not letting it just drop] Janis: [after a while thinking and stopping and starting 'and- everyone else is a dickhead, yeah'] Jimmy: how much of a dickhead is he? Janis: no more than average, I suppose Janis: 💪🍆🔥👑 Janis: you know the sort Jimmy: yeah, what I dunno is why you're so bothered Janis: just didn't fancy seeing anyone I knew out Jimmy: you barely did do Janis: then let's go somewhere else after this Janis: forget about it Janis: [smiling at him like it's not fake but we're forcing this vibe rn] Jimmy: can you? Janis: yeah Jimmy: alright Janis: sorry Janis: he's just some twat Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's alright Janis: its not Janis: we're having a nice time Janis: meant to be Jimmy: I meant, he's doing your head in, you're not doing in mine Jimmy: we're alright Jimmy: nice is a bit rude though, as descriptions go Janis: [a LOOK up like 😏] Janis: how'd you describe it then Jimmy: not like we're sat in having a ☕🍪 with our kid and his missus Jimmy: but if you need a review then Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: that'd be it Janis: are you saying that's the definition of nice or a better time Janis: either way I have some questions Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Jimmy: it's obvs the definition of nice 👵👴💕 Janis: [shakes head as we get up like oh you 'leave you to it then'] Jimmy: [not letting you go gal putting his arms around her like no no 'Oi, I just gave you a top review, what more do you want?'] Janis: ['can always do better' and taking his hand like let's go, stay outta our way Hazza we got places to be] Jimmy: ['than you rating me boring and nice, yeah' but we're amused of course and doing another twirl as we go] Janis: ['I did not!' and a pouty face like how dare YOU suggest I did] Jimmy: [thank god we can do the pouty lip thing this time and nothing can stop us] Janis: [freedom] Jimmy: [You're welcome lads] Janis: [y'all can do what you want like going to the toilets and living that cliche moment] Jimmy: [not the first time, we all remember pub crawl, but it would be busier so pluses and minuses to that] Janis: [we gotta for a myriad of reasons still not about you though Harry but you've put us in a mood to prove some things so tah] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [get out of this clerb and into a different one, better or worse, idk what's more fun tbh] Jimmy: [again it's not about you Harold] Janis: [soz we have such a dramatic reaction to seeing you lmao like hell to the no] Jimmy: [it's deserved you're not a good egg] Janis: [we'd be more chill if we weren't drunk, like he's just gonna come over and ruin everything, he might try tbf, run lads and continue grooving] Jimmy: [we're on a touristy tour here sir gotta move along] Janis: [you are not invited good day, back on the shots shots shots] Jimmy: [don't at all look forward to seeing you soon hun] Janis: [at least we're not doing the grace of it all now, although, continuously triggering everyone 'cos that's what they think Liam did with Edie to be around Rio, which yeah at first but shh] Jimmy: [the temptation to do that again now you've said that lol] Janis: [yeah, it came to me as I typed it lol] Jimmy: [fuck it let's do it, we can totally make him her baby daddy for that hot sec to really trigger everyone haha] Janis: [no offence to your barrenness but THANK GOD don't actually need babies from lies] Jimmy: [I can't do that to you gal even if we could] Janis: [would not be cute, he'd be tryna pay for your abortion like] Jimmy: [it's so far from #goals as is nobody needs that] Janis: [it's even worse than drew and caleb soz my love but no, hence ali had to be like no no in that convo we did when we did it before] Jimmy: [but what if that's when she gets her nose ring because it's like a Cameron trying to get Nicki to wear Chloe's lipstick situation!] Janis: [🤢 OMG, you can use all the really tryhard stuff of late, like, we know you would babe] Jimmy: [Sammi's moment of trying to be black will actually be useful to me, who knew] Janis: [just thinking about the wurls wig and dying 'cos it looked so bad oh gal] Jimmy: [HARD SAME] Janis: [and I oop, we're gonna lose our mind with you] Jimmy: [the drama] Janis: [oh lord] Jimmy: [anyways back to this, do you wanna do a skip or have you got things you wanna have happen rn off the back of this Harry situation?] Janis: [we can probably skip to going home even? we know how the nights gonna go and it'll be fun and feelsy but that's the STAY of it all] Jimmy: [true I just didn't wanna rush you gal if you had stuff you wanted to say or do before that so] Janis: [nah we good I just wanted to establish him so when he crops back up later we've got this vague memory like oh] Jimmy: [it was a good way to do it boo, good thinking] Janis: [big brain booty] Janis: [where would you like to hook up/where are you then gonna try to leave from] Jimmy: [do you wanna be at his gaff or are you thinking before they get there?] Janis: [his makes sense for going to mcvickers after] Jimmy: [be having a nightcap and all the sauciness that entails but then try and leave gal] Janis: [like gotta go before anyone wakes, sure you're being well loud tbh lads but okay] Jimmy: [as excuses go a very legit one and also the bubs do wake up well early like what time even is it] Janis: [but also who cares you've been on a minibreak together] Jimmy: [literally] Janis: [baby its cold outside Jimmy: [what's your vibe like is she gonna say anything or is she just casually getting ready to leave?] Janis: [I think just getting ready when she thinks he's passed out but we're drunk so we're clearly not making a good go of doing it stealth here lol] Jimmy: [obvs gonna chuck something at her then like excuse you] Janis: [#shooketh and thus doing angry whispers 'what was that for dickhead?!'] Jimmy: ['where you going?' as if that's not obvious because we're drunk so it's not] Janis: [dramatically shushing him which in itself is louder than you're being already probs 'trying not to wake anybody up here'] Jimmy: [a sarcastic but amused 👍 because that's going well and then repeating our question] Janis: [throwing whatever he threw at us back like don't be fucking rude 'home' which you gotta stop saying when you mean mcvickers 'cos sounds like you planning to trek] Jimmy: [catching it and being really proud of ourselves with our expression but then frowning because we do think she means she's going home 'you're not, there's no buses for ages' because again what weird am is this lol] Janis: [😏 and a sassy fake clap for him 'Oh, I mean my nans' like my bad 'before he's getting up for work or...whatever'] Jimmy: [dramatically shushing her for the clap like she did to him a sec ago 'it's the weekend' because it is 'only dickheads like us do Sundays'] Janis: ['oh' when you genuinely forgot but now it seems like you lyin' lmao] Jimmy: [when you get up v dramatically to be up in her grill like 👀 cos are you lying gal but when we're standing there we just get distracted by like moving her hair out of her face and fixing her clothes and generally being soft and close and helpful] Janis: ['you-' and then getting distracted by his lack of clothing for a sec like oh '-you don't have to be nice, you know'] Jimmy: ['stop calling me nice, dickhead' but softer than the words suggest and not just because we are this close and whispering] Janis: ['stop being nice then' in a challenge type of way] Jimmy: [push her back onto this bed boy but in a hot way not a dangerous one] Janis: [definition of that 😈 tbh] Jimmy: [whatever she's managed to put on he's taking off, RIP to this dress or whatever if you don't survive] Janis: [running our fingers through his hair again for the throwback to earlier 'you're SO nice, baby'] Jimmy: [giving her a massive lovebite near to wherever he did that first one way earlier and going as hard for that throwback as well because we're 😈 ] Janis: [when you're egging him on telling him how nice he is over and over but then you do the biggest gasp] Jimmy: [going over the OG one as well because it's right there tempting us 'I'll do whatever you want for as long as you're here, nice, not nice, owt else' like don't go gal] Janis: [just about getting out 'but what do you want?'] Jimmy: ['you' because true and we're drunk so we can answer a question 'I keep saying I don't want you to go anywhere' because he literally said it on the school trip in those words when they were doing an activity and having a little domestic and god knows how many times we've either said it or tried to make it clear since] Janis: ['me...' which we ALMOST phrase as a question, such is our disbelief/how much we've been caught off guard by that despite how obvious it is to us all but it's okay catch up gal 'and I keep saying you can have me' because we have and we mean it] Jimmy: ['you say it but then you- look and gesture towards the door like you were literally trying to leave and you know we're thinking about when she properly left] Janis: ['I never wanna stay if you want me to leave' a pause like I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense now you've said that but 'because I wanna be with you a lot...like all the fucking time and-'] Jimmy: ['I don't want either of us to leave' the tea and also how sad and soft his voice would be about that because we think it's looming over us 'if I had any fucking choice, I'd pick this, just give me the same back'] Janis: [kissing him hard, but not JUST kissing him like we usually would when we can't say what we want/don't know what to say 'okay' just as sad but serious like this ain't no game 'I'm scared but okay'] Jimmy: [holding her but not JUST how he would when he doesn't want her to go 'it's alright, when you're about, I'm not' like you can be scared gal cos I feel safe with you and it's the only time I ever do so I've got this] Janis: ['that's why I am' from deep inside this hug like we barely saying it but we are] Jimmy: ['bit of pressure, I get it' because we know we're saying there that everything else is shit and you're the only good thing keeping us going and that's a lot] Janis: [shaking our head 'I mean-' big sigh 'cos even if we're drunk it's a lot to say '-the more amazing it is now, the more there's going to be to miss'] Jimmy: ['there were loads to miss ages ago' because lbr the moment you started this you were in too deep and deeper than you've been with anyone else 'it weren't like owt else I've felt kissing any other lass soon as we had that first go at it' drunkenly spilling that tea] Janis: ['Ive never felt anything before' 'cos likewise] Jimmy: ['alright, no need to one up me that hard' cos you don't believe that's even possible lowkey when she clearly feels so much with you] Janis: [soft nudge 'I can't help the truth'] Jimmy: [one back obvs 'as competitions go, not fuming to lose this one'] Janis: ['I have kissed other people' like don't think he thought you were saying that but okay] Jimmy: [a sound like yeah obvs/no shit because we weren't thinking that 'but they were shitter at it than whatever review of me you're gonna @ my ex for, I get it' because not letting go that she brought that up but we're not mad about it still just amused] Janis: ['must be' shrugs 'knock to the ego can't hurt' not gonna go drunk text him the shade though tah 'was not, I was just asking a question' like stop it but we're not mad really] Jimmy: ['I don't care about how them dickheads feel, her included, just you'] Janis: [smile 'I can get behind that'] Jimmy: [smile back 😍] Janis: ['you're the cutest person I've ever seen' and putting our fingers in his dimples like oop] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we can't help even as we shake our head because no gal you are 'need to look in the mirror more, you'] Jimmy: [lowkey trying to drag her to where the nearest mirror is like is that even this room or are you trying to go to the bathroom? boy shh] Janis: [don't actually wake this bub you're lowkey too drunk to deal with him boy, 'cos we're so amused and playfighting him as silently as we can like noooo 'you you you'] Jimmy: [thank god we made him deaf because Libi would 1000% be awake by now lol, just drunkenly taking so many pictures of her face and so many weird close ups as we playfight and showing her them all like no look it's you] Janis: [just a fight to delete them as if 1. you look bad in any really 2. he's just gonna post them all rn] Jimmy: [we know you just wanna fight so he can pin you again for that saucy throwback] Janis: [obvs, we do not need to deny] Jimmy: [we'll let you have that moment and ensuing hook up during which you can call her baby in a way that is not at all a pisstake for the first time because we're drunk and feelsy enough for this] Janis: [just die bye, safe to say you won't be trying to go anywhere after that] Jimmy: [you gotta snuggle and snooze and be happy]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: 🥱🥱 Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: Piss off Janis: it's the crack of dawn Janis: bet the boy ain't even woke up yet to 👀 the decs Jimmy: it's a lie in for me Janis: before you handicapped me, I was getting up pretty early too 🐕🏃 Jimmy: @ Helena and her 💊s Jimmy: that there's the handicap Janis: her back ain't that bad Janis: anyway 💊s aren't gonna make me jolly Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: what do you need, baby? Janis: 😏 Janis: Is that any way for an elf to talk? Jimmy: depends what you 🖋 in your letter to 🎅 Jimmy: might be dead on Janis: You reckon that's top of my list? Jimmy: know what you're like with 👴💕 Janis: 🥇 or nowt Janis: makes Lucas look 🥉 for sure Jimmy: writing lines in detention ain't gonna come close Janis: Only just started this holiday Janis: you need cheering up too 🌧 Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: ☀️ Janis: not much chance of that today ☃️ Jimmy: you not coming then? Janis: You really are on form this AM Janis: very quotable Jimmy: won't be long til 💀👑's getting out her 🛁 of 🩸 for a new day of torture Jimmy: have to sleep when we're ⚰ Janis: grind never sleeps 💪 Janis: so glad she only has 😍 for one 👴 though Jimmy: they've had years to perfect that roleplay Jimmy: must be 🥇 Janis: 🤢🤢 nah Janis: not gonna be able to face breakfast now Janis: 💔 that's why she can't either, awh Jimmy: stop finding common ground, it's 💔 me Janis: Baby Janis: sure if you asked really nicely, they'd let you work a double shift Jimmy: funny Janis: You walked right into that one Jimmy: there'd be nowt 💔😭🎻 for me about walking our kid to you and pissing off to work if you want some alone time with your real boyfriend 🎅 Janis: yeah right Janis: be all good until he starts 💔😭🎻 and I'd have to come find you Jimmy: I get it, you're off the 🎪🤹🤡 clock Janis: just don't reckon I know enough sign language to win him over Jimmy: reckon you could leave it to 🎅 Jimmy: seems like he'd be a traditional kind of #lad, chuffed for you to be 🤐 and just bake the mince pies Janis: 🤤 what can't he do Jimmy: probably wouldn't have got 💀👑's cooking down him any easier than we did Janis: I didn't mind the excuse to go to the bathroom Jimmy: SUCH a 💊head, you Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't judge me, babes Jimmy: just her decor Jimmy: best that bathroom's ever gonna have looked with your giant head blocking out them ugly tiles Janis: should've dashed yours into 'em Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: gutted we didn't get to sleepover Janis: would've had plenty of time to redecorate 🩸 Jimmy: hang on, I'll set one up Jimmy: liven up the group chat Janis: 😂 Janis: you are SUCH a peacekeeper it's SOOOOOOOOOOO cute I can't 😻 Janis: run out of sleeps before 🎅 pays 'em all a visit Jimmy: 💰 on Asia getting into a #scandal thinking if she rubs the coal he gave her on her face she'll have a charcoal face mask ready to go Janis: Can't wait to #cancel her for good Jimmy: just better not have the sleepover here, that kind of casual racism could have her in the running for my new step ma Janis: imagine the unfortunate children Janis: massive heads and bigger teeth Janis: christ Jimmy: don't Jimmy: I'm basically illiterate, they'd be thick as shit Janis: the work would truly NEVER end Janis: you leave her in charge of 'em... 🍄💉🧱🧨🪓🔥 Jimmy: however many 👶 they churned out, she's one more on top of Janis: can't let that happen to you Jimmy: but near worth it for the #goals 👰🤵 pics obvs Janis: you wouldn't even be the cutest page boy Janis: tragic 💔 Jimmy: long as you keep faking your 😍 mate, don't matter Janis: I think I'll manage Janis: 🏆 at stake Jimmy: gotta take at least one job seriously, I'm doing your other Janis: 1. stop any time and let me 2. and your sister when you can't be arsed Jimmy: my sister when I've gotta be audience to your gingerbread masterpiece, more like Jimmy: can't have you going without 👏 Janis: don't throw down the gauntlet if you don't want me to show you how it's done Jimmy: when a lass begs me for a challenge, she gets one Jimmy: just that dickhead Janis: If I was gonna beg, you'd know about it Jimmy: you did and I did Jimmy: stop flirting with me, I've got a kid to shake away Jimmy: *awake Janis: yeah piss off and be useful Janis: 👋 in a few Jimmy: you got that hint then? Know what your room reading skills are like Janis: 'course you do Janis: got to have something to aspire to Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt don't mean cracking on with the second bit, case you need that spelling out an' all Janis: you're the one that's thick Janis: in your own words, spellchecked, I assume Jimmy: and I've still got better social skills, Julie 💔 for you Janis: if I got paid by the hour, I might bother as well 😘 Jimmy: Oi that's a point Jimmy: never left a tip in my jar, you Janis: you mean the one time I came in? Jimmy: you'd have preferred some festive bollocks off the menu, yeah? Jimmy: I'll sort that for next time 🤶 Janis: maybe I preferred another barista boy, and I know how tip jars work, make you share it out all equally 👎 Jimmy: alright but do you know how pockets work? I've got a few of them to slip 💰 in Jimmy: you can have that tip to slide into your new boyfriend's DMs with 😘 Janis: you aren't strippers Janis: if you want to go the hooter route, you're gonna need to make those aprons shorter Jimmy: there's a few 👴👵 who ain't had that memo Jimmy: I'll @ my manager with your 🥇💡 though, see if he'll get it done for this afternoon shift Janis: you're welcome Janis: you'll be cold but swimming in 💰 so who cares Jimmy: northerns don't feel the cold, bit like strippers Jimmy: *northerners Janis: you didn't totally wimp out on the school trip Janis: or the park Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Jimmy: Ian'll be dead proud Janis: yeah Janis: shame about the complexion Janis: leave it out and you can brag and bond Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: heartwarming Jimmy: hang on, this'll have you 💀💀💀 inside again Jimmy: [Bobby's reaction vid to these decs] Janis: Awh Janis: bless him Jimmy: we did alright Janis: you happy too? Janis: no video needed Jimmy: [a pic like 😁👍] Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: 👌 honey Janis: does look good Jimmy: he's doing a letter to say tah to Santa, might need you to spellcheck it for us Janis: He's well cute Janis: doubt I'll get mine to do it but her penmanship is shite so he'll look 🥇 in comparison Jimmy: wait til he 👀s mine Jimmy: I'll have to tell him it ain't just a squiggle but actually says tah for the missus and that, mate Janis: 🎅💔 Jimmy: *🎅🥊 Janis: 😂 Janis: long as the kids are distracted by the shit gifts they'll get Jimmy: do you want your shit 🎨🎁 now or in a bit? Janis: give it to me when they get theirs or I'll 🥺 Janis: love ruining christmas, me Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Jimmy: 🥇🎄 work Janis: don't forget the gingerbread house Janis: as I crave that 👏 Jimmy: I'll knock you up a tinfoil 🏆 to go with your 👑 Janis: what you gonna cover your no carb low fat tofurkey with?!!!!? 😱😱😱 Jimmy: you're more important, girl Janis: taste better, is the honest truth Janis: don't need to be a 🧛 to know Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: I'll stick that in the group chat Janis: you can say it but they're not gonna find out for themselves Jimmy: as constructive criticism goes it ain't bad but no need to take it as an instruction, lasses Janis: 🤢🤢 Janis: stop making me feel ill Janis: I've got to go break the ✨ surprise and get all the 🏆👑 Jimmy: piss off then Janis: TTFN Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [actually skip forward now] Janis: where do you wanna meet? we're ready Jimmy: We'll walk over, get the intros out the way before 🎅 can stick his oar in Janis: 👍 Janis: she's pretty good at pronunciation for a kid but you might have to step in if she gets too chatty Jimmy: keep her on the nice list, I get it Janis: Don't worry, she's not a dick like my sister or anything Jimmy: I weren't Jimmy: you wouldn't have invited her if she were owt like Gracie Janis: Good Janis: we'll be outside ☃️☃️ Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not got any 🚬🕶 going so can't make it in your likeness this time soz Jimmy: long as you get the 👂 and eyebrows sorted you can still tag me Janis: 🪒 Jimmy: 😍 Janis: you deserve a treat too, like Jimmy: I'm just pleased to see you, soz Jimmy: 🚫🔪🔨🔧🪓 Janis: don't worry, santa is coming through for me later Janis: 🤞 for ☣️ Janis: 🥴🤤🤮💀👻 Jimmy: 💰 on your man having a flask of socially acceptable poison Janis: yeah, give him the rosy red cheeks that complete the lewk Janis: nose that looks like a 🍓 Jimmy: that there's the only treat I need 🤤 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: [show up so these bubs can meet and start a lifelong friendship] Janis: [Libi just like bonjour, what are you going to ask Santa for, I'm gonna ask for this and this] Jimmy: [we know Bobby wants art supplies and a camera and we know why lol cue an eye roll from Jimothy as if he isn't buzzing to be loved] Janis: [no pretending that's not adorable, like, just like WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR CRAYON] Jimmy: [okay but imagine him taking a crayon from behind his ear where jimothy keeps 🚬] Janis: [imagine, Janis just 😏 above their heads like not encouraging bad habits or nothing] Jimmy: [jimmy just looking to see if it's black like his soul or blood red and tutting when it obvs isn't either of those] Janis: [shakes head like what have you been teaching him tbh, Libi saying hers is that bluey silver colour like her mum's hair and we oop] Jimmy: [Bobby just like I don't have a mum anymore cos kids don't give a fuck and Jimmy just like so glad I get to sign this] Janis: [just literally like gurl same! 'cos neither of you can tell a child to shut the fuck up lmao 'my mummy and daddy are dead, what happened to your mum?'] Jimmy: [Bobby just like 'she went away' because we truly know not] Janis: [just like fantastic, so glad we came, bet he's thrilled he invited us now, 'cos we're not even looking, just walking in total silence, meanwhile Libi like oh okay 'If she comes back, I can see her' and then moving on chatting about our dog and what we're getting her for Christmas] Jimmy: [Bobby just like 'my dad's about but you wouldn't want to meet him' and doing an impression of Ian's angry face and then telling her all about Twix because dogs 5ever, making Jimothy give him his phone to show Libi pics of this pup] Janis: ['my granddad could fight him' when you're like Libi shh that's not nice but at least that is amusing as a prospect, also clearly doing a phone swap 'cos you'd have that Killer queen content on yours, Libi being like 'Janis knows loads about dogs and has taught her loads of tricks because she used to be a naughty girl and wee everywhere and eat everyone's shoes' and loling] Jimmy: [Bobby just dangerously close to outting Jimmy's secrets by telling her that he fights Ian sometimes so casual so nbd and then telling her about how Cass did that dog walk the other day and going on and on about how naughty Twix is and all the things she's done] Janis: [JJ y'all gotta pick them up and run so you can shove breakfast in their gobs like nooooooooo 'you're so lucky you've got a brother AND a sister, even though your brother's old too' looking at Jimmy and shaking her head in disdain because that's the age of her aunties and stuff and kids have no concept of age they treat you like you're ancient but at least that's a joke we've had so Janis managing to look at Jimmy like lol, she knows your secret] Jimmy: [the most half hearted 😏 but we're a bit more amused when Bobby starts dragging Cass by doing an impression of how angry she is and stomping about etc as if she's worse than Ian] Janis: [she's cackling in that way babby's do 'you're funny, you're my new friend'] Jimmy: [Bobby is buzzing and we're using Jimothy's phone to have a selfie sesh but also take artsy pics of our new bff as we go along] Janis: [run along you innocent children, like you've not just revealed so much, god bless] Jimmy: [JJ just awkwardly af walking in silence now thanks kids] Janis: [going to apologize like several times but you can't even, where would you begin lmao, pretend it's chill] Jimmy: [chuck some snow at her or like shake a tree branch full of it onto her or something, any distraction will do] Janis: [fall into the safety of that] Jimmy: [if nothing else he's good at that when things are awkward] Janis: [likewise, when we sit down for this breakfast, you can do all the posting thus far] Jimmy: [cheers to the fans for that distraction, meanwhile Jimmy and Bobby can teach Libi some easy signing since we're BFFs and gonna be seeing more of you undoubtedly baby hen] Janis: [lucky for you gal, perks of being but a child, she'd love that 'cos mini nerd and she'll be able to pick it up as most nurseries now do makaton so it's a way into learning it] Jimmy: [at least the bubs are having a lovely time until Santa breaks Bobby's heart by not knowing any] Janis: [truly, a day of drama and stress when you're just trying to do something nice, if that don't sum up xmas] Jimmy: [the tea honey, at least that'll be easy to smooth over like the people I work with are dickheads as well boy, that ain't the real Santa's fault] Janis: [it happens a lot 'cos the shopping centre ones freak kids out rightly so, Libi just blowing raspberries at him like understand this loser 'cos we're a baby bad bitch] Jimmy: [I stan Libi and the way she'll protect him and make him less shy, cos you know we're doing it too after she has and didn't get shouted at lol] Janis: [you've got your prezzies kids, fuck him up, just tugging on Jimmy's sleeve and loudly being like 'What's sign for poopoo head?' 'cos the age hen] Jimmy: [obvs we're showing her and we're not sorry, Jimothy is a bad bitch too okay] Janis: [we're just calling everyone a poopoo head all day now, which I imagine is quite visually obvious because the swears etc usually are] Jimmy: [that has cheered everyone greatly thanks Libi] Janis: [you are a funny egg, at least, hence we can't be mad at you/ignore you because what is that achieving, 'tis not your fault Edie is dead luv] Jimmy: [and Edie wouldn't want that like you can be anti Ruster having her because she wouldn't want that obvs] Janis: [make that the hill and we lowkey ignore everyone else rn, at least in comparison to how everything was before, so it's fine lol, think we are gonna get y'all presents that don't suck and I think you should get pups and name them] Jimmy: [keeping them forever, you cannot destroy them Twix or Killer thank you] Janis: [keep 'em safe, lads, I think you should call yours Star, 'cos huskies are that silvery grey colour too and the names work well together because obviously your dogs are BFFs too] Jimmy: [aw Snow & Star 4ever] Janis: [making Janis make the dogs do little tricks for y'all and then cackling again when she makes 'em poo on Libi's head] Jimmy: [love this so much, also can't forget Jimmy giving Janis the 🎨 which can be when the bubs have their real 🎁 cos fuck you Santa] Janis: [we know she genuinely appreciates them honey, we're always excited to see what he's done] Jimmy: [god knows because he blatantly did it last night after she left/early this morning even before this convo started because never sleep well so] Janis: [you know Libi is gonna be all over that hun like SHOW ME and then being like draw me draw me to Jimmy and Bobby] Jimmy: [they shall honey because we love an art sesh] Janis: [the confidence of a child, just posing here with the dogs] Jimmy: [never change gal never lose it] Janis: [we're clearly making Janis too, then shouting out increasingly complicated things, like, make the dogs pull us on a sleigh, make us flying, like gal, your dreams lol] Jimmy: [Jimothy will never back down from a challenge, he's got you bub] Janis: [don't stress out poor Bobby though, at least you not a rude ass bitch so you wouldn't shade his attempt] Jimmy: [it'd be a cute attempt, BFF status cemented] Janis: [can put up these pics for extra cuteness, hoes will DIE] Jimmy: [I wish we actually had some but alas] Janis: [never be as good as our imagination anyway] Jimmy: [true, is there anything else we wanna have them do before he has to go back to work?] Jimmy: [could go to the park maybe because it's right by his house and thus mcvickers] Janis: [that's a good way to end this day for you kiddos, could also get the dogs which would make them lowkey hysterical with happiness so pop off] Jimmy: [love that cos we know Cass has probably walked the other dogs while they've been out for that cash so no time to take Twix] Janis: [live ya life, get ya things, but now you gotta go to work and we gotta] Janis: Thanks for today, reckon they both enjoyed themselves 👍✔ Jimmy: you're alright, were going any road and I reckon he had a better time with her about Janis: they were cute Janis: and she lives at my nan and granddads so if he wants to hang more, easy done Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: Yeah Janis: well she doesn't always talk about her dead mum and dad so it shouldn't be a big thing Janis: sorry Jimmy: it weren't a big thing to him Jimmy: nowt for you to be sorry for Janis: It weirds plenty of kids out Janis: I could've warned you, I guess Jimmy: loads of kids reckon he's weird Jimmy: Asia's sister included Janis: some front when you look like your ma fucked a cheese grater Jimmy: her dad weren't at the nativity, might be 'cause he were stuck in a drawer, yeah Janis: dunno if she's got one any more Janis: 💀👑 flex Jimmy: what, like she fucked and ate him? Janis: 🐰🥕 Jimmy: #fated Janis: 💔 they didn't think so Jimmy: 💔 I can't change the station to Classic FM for them 🎻s Janis: Perils of 🎅🎄🎁☃️ Jimmy: ❌🎅 that shithead's 💀💀💀 to us Janis: yeah Janis: and his tunes are shit Jimmy: don't even care how fit that 🍓 were looking Jimmy: SO over him and his 👃 babes Janis: better off without him Janis: you can do SO much better Jimmy: 🖋 us a joke about him being a ho ho HOE Janis: I'll hit up the group chat Janis: their level of humour Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: and one of them has always just been dumped so they'll comiserate with you Jimmy: tah huns Janis: nothing if not the BEST friends to have Jimmy: DUH! Only time I'll accept 🥈 Janis: charming that is 😏 Jimmy: I get it 🎅 were a right let down, you need some 💕 Janis: just a bit rude that you're so gracious with them Jimmy: Baby Janis: Such a pisstake Jimmy: their BFF status, yeah Janis: you Jimmy: why me? Janis: you just are Jimmy: you can take it Janis: true Jimmy: I know, that'll be why I said it Janis: we're alright, yeah? Janis: I don't think shit needs to be weird just 'cos 2 kids have got no filter Jimmy: don't it feel like we're alright to you? Janis: it was a bit awkward Janis: but I'm over it if you are Jimmy: nowt to be over from where I'm serving overpriced ☕ Jimmy: just the unpaid translator earlier, me, none of my business what they were going on about Jimmy: if you wanna tell me something, up to you, that Janis: alright Janis: works for me Jimmy: she's world class at signing, won't need me after a bit, any road Janis: bit of a third-wheel Janis: cramp his style with your 🤓 Jimmy: *😎 Jimmy: but alright 🖍 are cooler than 🚬 give him that Janis: gonna usurp you in every way, for sure Jimmy: go on then, what's your fave colour 🖍 ? Janis: the important questions Janis: don't know why it's taken you so long Jimmy: tell me Jimmy: edge of the seat I ain't allowed to put my arse near til my next break Janis: 🎻😞 Janis: goldenrod or inchworm obvs Jimmy: gonna do your next 🎨 in them so 🤞 you took it serious Janis: it's 💛💚 so I'm gonna look like a keylime pie Jimmy: never said I were drawing you, bighead Janis: you will be though Jimmy: not gonna now for the sake of Janis: 1. I know you're tired, grumpy 2. How will they know it's goals??? Jimmy: 1. Bollocks 2. everything I touch turns to #goals, nowt I could do wrong Janis: 1. s'fair, you've been an unpaid translator, an artiste, santa and now barista boy who can't sit down 2. alright, if you want to add Midas to the CV but might be a bit much Jimmy: now I've got your permission I'll draw some eyes on 😎 and grab a quick kip 👍 tah for that, Jillian Jimmy: ❌ that off the CV though, noted Janis: it's fair but life and working a minimum wage job for your living ain't Janis: keep 💭 though and I'll let you focus on it and the overpriced ☕ Jimmy: where's your focus going? Janis: need to get another minimum wage job I can do sitting down so you don't take it over/ban me Jimmy: you were hopping round less today, that just for the kid's benefit or were you 💭 about keeping me out of pocket with a full recovery, like? Janis: 💭 about keeping you out the loop and pretending it's permanent Janis: have you munchausened me or am I munchausening you Janis: real question #2 Jimmy: well done on telling me that plan then Janis: Yeah, you know Janis: when you've pissed off who's gonna carry me about Jimmy: 🎅 Jimmy: you're heavy but not sack of 🎁 heavy Janis: true Janis: he's 💪 Janis: oh well, problem sorted then 👋 Jimmy: Lucas is a poor man's version an' all he'd be alright for a few lifts Jimmy: I'll race back for the funeral, obvs Janis: don't Janis: he actually offered me a lift once after a match and it was very awkward Janis: definitely not meant to do that, but he's a maverick, you know Jimmy: did you offer to take a lit match to his car or what? Janis: I'm not as witty as Libi Janis: but I did get detention for a week, which is funny as, like what you saying for? 'cos I didn't wanna get sexually assaulted and dumped in a ditch? Janis: 💩💩🧠 Jimmy: Stockholm syndrome only works for dickheads like me on dickheads like you 💔 for him Janis: 'scuse me? Jimmy: can't ⛓ you to a desk nowhere but in his dreams Jimmy: could've childlocked you into his motor but his lack of 🥇🗨 pissed on that Janis: If there was anything in his plan for me, might've worked Janis: but I'm not arsed about straight As Janis: 🤞 he tried Mia next Jimmy: she does look like she just crawled out a ditch Jimmy: dunno if we can score him any credit for that though Janis: just the #aesthetic babes Janis: try and look a bit buzzing when they come in, 'cos they will Janis: no need to 💔 them about 🎅 when you can act like it was the best time ever Jimmy: 😒 just my face, nowt personal, Mia Janis: NOT pleased to see her 🔧🔨🧨🪓🔪 Jimmy: I'll fake it if she fakes not being a Scrooge Janis: no need to go that far Jimmy: if you can't be a slag for tips at christmas, when can you, eh? Janis: 🙄😏 Jimmy: Oi, dead serious question, that Janis: I don't do your schedule Janis: though maybe I'll pop a CV in Janis: better or worse than step-mum nightmares? 🤔 Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: you gonna leave the ☕🎨 to me or are we making 🎄🍆 happen? Janis: 1. the #goals answer is the cup ain't big enough to do it justice, alright 2. if you were as good a teacher as Lucas, I might be better but most importantly 3. gonna be your manager, I'll never be there let alone ever make ☕s Jimmy: got it all figured out, you Jimmy: be piss easy for you to answer my next dead serious question Janis: yeah, aside for my total lack of experience for the role, well in Janis: so go on Jimmy: I were just thinking are we too 👰💍🤵? 👵💕👴 ain't #goals unless we're chatting my personal Janis: too domestic, you mean? Jimmy: we've done 👶🐕 if there ain't a christmas eve eve party I'll lose the 🤏 of faith I had in paddy teen humanity Janis: there's always parties Janis: it probably is time to hit another one up Jimmy: nowt to do with Ian clocking off for 🎄 and TOTALLY to do with me being chuffed to bits to give the fans what they're after Janis: 🙌 Janis: worth celebrating, I get it Jimmy: 🍾 Janis: as much as it pains me, I can't say I can't make it Janis: so sure, put in an appearance Jimmy: I get it 💔 you can't dance Jimmy: 🦶🎻🎻 Janis: at least I have an excuse Jimmy: me an' all, it's being a white northern lad Janis: 😂 Janis: I meant an excuse not to be ground on by randomers but yeah Jimmy: still works Janis: 💔💔 Jimmy: don't worry, I'll do my 😭 for pity tips, nowt you need to see Janis: if you're going that kind of party Janis: don't need to invite me Jimmy: I'll tell Doris to chuck her cardi on 💕 she'll love a bit of that Janis: unsurprised Janis: dirty bitch Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: green is right Janis: ha Janis: obviously Jimmy: whatever party we're going to, I will need a slaggy 🤶 ootd Janis: Penneys will have one you can pick up Jimmy: owt you want? Janis: not a fake beard Janis: ❌🎅 Jimmy: already got one of them in me Janis: fuck off Jimmy: in a bit then, Ellen Janis: you aren't funny Jimmy: still working on the 🤹 me Jimmy: ☕☕☕☕☕ Janis: keep at it Jimmy: they're here, should I invite 'em to this party or what? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: do you want an actual night off or do you wanna have to do #goals shit Jimmy: you heard, can do goals shit without trying Jimmy: do you want a night off? Janis: I asked you first Jimmy: so answer me first Janis: 🙄 Janis: I've had enough time off Janis: my ankle is better Jimmy: alright Janis: so answer Jimmy: I did Janis: Bitch, where Jimmy: I said alright Jimmy: I can do it Janis: no need to tax yourself Jimmy: piss off Janis: I'll go home and decorate mine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't invite them and you can actually have a decent time Jimmy: where? it's still a shit party full of dickheads Janis: it's your night off Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: you can't think of a single fun thing to do? Jimmy: if I ain't on your clock I'm on another Jimmy: 👶🐕 Janis: you said your dad was off Janis: is that not the entire point Jimmy: the entire point were I don't wanna be there, not that I don't have to be Jimmy: nowt #goals about pissing about for the sake of Jimmy: if you don't need me to be 🏆 they do Janis: if you don't wanna be there, then don't Janis: it doesn't make any odds if we're being #goals or not Janis: like your dad is really invested Jimmy: nowt I do is for that prick's benefit, didn't reckon that needed spelling out an' all Janis: that's my point Janis: do it for yourself Janis: don't need to pretend you're doing me a massive favour to warrant it Jimmy: what's it doing for me if I ain't? Janis: I don't know Janis: some peace and quiet Janis: time to fucking breathe Jimmy: you heard me, where? Jimmy: tisn't the season, mate Janis: for fuck's sake Janis: I never said I had all the answers for you Jimmy: don't have a go at me just 'cause I ain't chuffed at the prospect of becoming a ⛄ walking the streets of this shithole taking deep breaths or some bollocks Janis: you stop having a go at me first and we'll be quits Janis: sorry I don't have any top ideas of what you can do Janis: if I did we wouldn't need to bother with this bullshit Jimmy: 👍 Janis: whatever Jimmy: tah for that Janis: just piss off and do some work Jimmy: going against your night off stance but alright Jimmy: not the hill you wanna 💀💀💀 on Janis: whatever you're gonna do, you're still on the 🕡 right now Jimmy: weren't reckoning I had this apron on 'cause it makes me look even more fit and mysterious Jimmy: just a bonus, that Janis: funny Jimmy: come to the party with me, dickhead Janis: you're so frustrating Jimmy: how else you gonna prove to me your ankle is better and get your 🐕🏃💰 back? Jimmy: come on Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: I thought you wanted to go alone Jimmy: what for? Janis: be off my 🕡 Jimmy: this is the easiest job I've got Jimmy: and before you start, NOT saying you are Janis: I'm not starting nothing Janis: it just pisses me off when you act like it's all my idea, or I wanna do it Janis: it's mutually beneficial, that's the point Janis: and the rest of them are the ones 👀 & 💬 Janis: not me Jimmy: it were my idea, I ain't forgotten that or why it's a 🥇 Jimmy: I'm a mardy prick, can't fake that I ain't all the time Janis: I'll survive Jimmy: I'll make it up to you Janis: don't need to Jimmy: but we both need Ian's stash more than him Janis: not gonna argue with that Jimmy: mutually beneficial, I heard you Janis: he can enjoy some sober family fun Janis: I'm not going to enjoy any party if I'm not at least a bit buzzed Jimmy: you can be pissed as 💀#2 were by round 2 of that game if you want, used to carrying you by now Janis: considering how much we've eat today Janis: literally impossible Jimmy: 💔 I can't accept that challenge 'cause I ain't no lightweight Jimmy: feels wrong turning one down Janis: what else is a party for Janis: be loads of others to 🥇 Jimmy: quick, give me one I can do now before I vanish 👻👋 Janis: 🤔🤔 hmm Janis: I don't know much about this ☕😍 life Janis: but how many non-dairy orders can you 🐄 up before any of 'em notice and complain Janis: trusting you not to bullshit, dickhead Jimmy: I swear on our kid's fake 🐕 Janis: hope the real one ain't savaged poor snow Janis: will be all your fault, obvs Jimmy: sounds like her, that Jimmy: and me getting the blame'd be about right an' all Jimmy: 🤞🤞 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: you better mean me Janis: 'course I mean you Jimmy: know what you're like 🐕💕 Janis: didn't even buy myself one, firstly Janis: and secondly, you know you're 🥇 don't be jealous Jimmy: I'd have nicked you one but 👀 and 👂 already got our sticking a 🖍 behind his Jimmy: no need to turn 'em into baby Bonnie and Clyde Janis: thank god he's cute Janis: or it'd be baby borstal Janis: use the disability card and there's nothing he can't do 😎🖍 Jimmy: and then it'd be baby 👻 'cause he'd never hack that Janis: 🥺 Janis: got that from you and all Jimmy: how much bollocks were yours 🗨? Janis: I know you're gutted she got your number Janis: 👴 Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: is there owt you can do for our real 🐕 or what? Janis: Oh Janis: well, yeah Janis: that's the side hussle 'cos the rich cunts who cba to walk their own dogs also cba to train 'em, oddly enough Jimmy: it's too 💰💰💰 for us poor lads then Janis: not necessarily Janis: need the funds myself so we can do 💰 and a favour Jimmy: if you're 💭 mates rates he weren't 🗨 bollocks about how 😈🐕 it is Janis: it can't be worse than that thing was Janis: Killer ain't a funny nickname 'cos it was so 😇 Jimmy: might have to be a big favour, all I'm saying Janis: if you can't afford it Jimmy: made 2 🐄☕ with no 🤬 or 💩 already, be alright Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: 🤝? Janis: you don't want to hear what favour I might want? Janis: brave Janis: but a deal Jimmy: I ain't scared of giving you owt you might want, Jules Janis: Good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be a really boring party otherwise Jimmy: can't have that Janis: would be gutted Janis: and I do owe you for all the kid time today Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: you'll get no 💔 off me Janis: not what I want Janis: but I did miss being alone with you Janis: I know she's a lot Jimmy: she's alright Janis: she's just a kid Janis: she don't know no better Jimmy: 🥈 to 😎🖍 obvs but I rate her as kids go Janis: duh, that 💕🥇 is mutual Jimmy: he's got no mates here yet, it were a 🏆 day for him Janis: I'm glad Janis: she liked him too Janis: wouldn't shut up Jimmy: he's probs still going on to my sister an' all Janis: gonna owe her something now Janis: probably a bit better than a cuddly 🐕 Jimmy: she's done alright out of the 🐕🏃💰 she'll live Janis: she don't need to re-cripple me for the gig Janis: plenty of 🐕🏃💰 to go 'round, don't need to be 14 for that Jimmy: she'll be 💔 you don't wanna 🥊 but yeah Jimmy: she can't be arsed to do ours but I don't blame her when it's Ian's 💰 Janis: I don't make it a habit 👶🍭 Jimmy: brb gotta @ her that fighting 🗨 Janis: such a shit-stirrer Janis: it's alright, not tryna be your new step-mum, don't need to parent-trap me Jimmy: it's called making coffee when it's my 9-5, babe Janis: 😂 get him some chalk he's had an 💭💡 Jimmy: can do my 🐄☕ tally an' all Janis: make your least fave colleague clean the bogs today Jimmy: whoever the lad is you said you liked ✔ Janis: 😨 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: trying to turn everyone against me, I 👀 Janis: only going to have to make it up to him, think on Jimmy: not if I do first 😘 Janis: 🐍 Jimmy: bit of editing that's a 🍆📏 compliment Janis: UGH Janis: bastard Jimmy: 😂 Janis: you always go on about just the tip so Janis: can't confirm nor deny ladies 💁🙊 Jimmy: one way to get me to do nudes Janis: Eurgh, don't Janis: I'll hype you up in the tweets, fine Jimmy: go on then Janis: alright Janis: [least subtle posts ever 'cos a challenge] Jimmy: [cue a flirting via socials sesh because love that for you two always] Janis: [always a mood] Janis: so goals Jimmy: Where do you reckon 💀👑 is on the scale? Janis: 😠 Janis: but if she does come to this party Janis: 🤬 potential Jimmy: but you ain't factored in she can see my 😍 IRL Jimmy: have another go Janis: 😡 Janis: so festive of her Janis: #2 bringing the 🤢 Jimmy: proud of you Janis: Babe 😊😌 Janis: are they all there? Jimmy: yeah Janis: wow ✨ miracles never cease 🙄 Jimmy: 👀 🛍 about to go ask if there's owt for us Janis: real 🎅 right there Jimmy: gonna pretend I can't understand her answer Jimmy: if that other dickhead can get away with it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: Where's Libi when I need her? Janis: she could rinse them Jimmy: I'd dip into the tip jar to see it Janis: too bad she's probably having her tea right now Janis: downsides of being 4 Jimmy: can't promise her owt better off this menu Janis: sounds like too much excitement for one day Janis: my nan'll be fuming Jimmy: I'll be round to make it up to her in a bit 🦷🌹🦷 Janis: no tah, Romeo Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you wanted an outfit, I'm out 👀 🛍 Jimmy: watch your 🦶 in the stampede Janis: it's mental Janis: 🥊 for the bargains Jimmy: do you a 🥊 alongside my 🐄☕ Jimmy: high scores over here Janis: you're on Jimmy: 🖋👂 til my next break Janis: cute Jimmy: Bill's 👻 on at me to write you a sonnet Janis: how many did he crack out? Janis: so many hoes Jimmy: I'd ask but he's flirting now Jimmy: never takes a break, him Janis: Oh Bill Janis: the slutty friend in this sitcom Jimmy: *romcom Janis: so soz Jimmy: 😘 Janis: can't believe how cliche this shit is and we're still getting new fans Jimmy: just that good Janis: thanks, I am Jimmy: said it before Jimmy: as a muse, you're 🥇 Janis: you're not so bad yourself Jimmy: I'll aim my 😳 at their table, tah for the MASSIVE compliment Janis: I could do better but Jimmy: ? Janis: maybe it'll make me 😳 Jimmy: you're in hell, there's your excuse Jimmy: *🥵 Janis: I already know what we're gonna do at this party and honestly, I would've come even if you didn't want me to Janis: 'til you you did Jimmy: will you come here? Janis: yes Jimmy: 🚫🏃 Janis: okay Janis: but now, yeah? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: One I want you to answer Jimmy: one you know the answer to Jimmy: 'course now Janis: 👍 Janis: hold on Jimmy: I don't care if they're still here, that's not why Janis: No? Jimmy: I'll still want you here when they've pissed off Janis: I know Janis: I wanna be there Janis: you know, with you Jimmy: I know it gets a bit Jimmy: what I mean and don't Jimmy: what's for them and what's for you Janis: headfuck Janis: but we both knew that Jimmy: yeah Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't reckon you could Janis: not a total bastard Jimmy: just 🤏 Janis: I like it Jimmy: obvs, your type is 🎅 Janis: 💩heads? Janis: maybe Jimmy: works for me Janis: [show up gal] Jimmy: [have an epic makeout sesh in front of all these shoppers going past and the gals inside 👀🍿 through the huge windows] Janis: [you've earnt it] Jimmy: [and Mia always deserves to be fuming] Janis: [very true honey, we know you and Pablo is all but over now] Jimmy: [he won't have bought you any goals gifts, what are you gonna do buy them yourself and imply they are from him? awkward] Janis: [didn't come to your friendmas even though you told him to, he's not serving his purpose hen] Jimmy: [notp in every sense] Janis: [we been knew, bye gals, we aren't remotely thinking about you rn] Jimmy: [lowkey never are, you're a flimsy excuse at most huns] Janis: [one we don't need currently] Jimmy: [are you coming in when his break is over or are you off again gal?] Janis: [we're coming in 'cos he asked you to stay] Jimmy: [we'll make you food you actually wanna eat, it's been ages since breakfast] Janis: [just try and find somewhere to perch and chill] Jimmy: [we'll do you the favour of saying Mia made the gals storm past you mid makeout or whatever so you don't have to sit with them] Janis: [lmao imagine, bring your festive spirit down more than the kids chatting up a storm earlier lmao] Jimmy: [that's the last thing we need, he'd get in trouble by letting you sit in the staff area before he made you share their table lol] Janis: [should do that, you know his managers long gone for xmas lol] Jimmy: [honestly go ahead gal we haven't done any of the getting in trouble stuff yet so his record is spotless rn] Janis: [us 😈 lmao] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: 👍 Janis: like what you've done with the place Jimmy: it were a bit more 🎄 but some dickhead nicked loads of it Janis: shocking Janis: some people have no shame Jimmy: if you reckon that's bad, you'll never get your head round how some people spend their 🚬 breaks, Judith Jimmy: enough to make you 😳 Janis: The people with holes and ink all over their body have bad habits? 😱 Janis: will not hear of it Jimmy: SO pure 😇 Janis: you had a costume change of 💘? Jimmy: that one's gotta be yours, Tiny Tim, for seeing the good in everyone's 💘 Janis: cheers for not calling me a 🐷 anymore, I guess Jimmy: you're welcome 🐸 Janis: 😏 Janis: don't fancy eating flies though Jimmy: Dunno if I could keep faking 😍 for you and your new diet Janis: it is a big ask Janis: wonder if I can convince the gals it's the new thing though Jimmy: nowt more #goals than a lad who'll pick flies out of his 🦷🦷 for you Jimmy: they'll FINALLY know their 💕 is real Janis: Beautiful, truly Jimmy: I'll pass it on to Bill's 👻 Janis: bit rude that he's not solely focused on our story Jimmy: *I'll 👻🥊 Janis: hot Jimmy: that's the ☕ I'm 🤹 Janis: I couldn't actually work here Jimmy: I couldn't actually have you work here Janis: fight for the tips too real Janis: I get it Jimmy: that'll do for why Janis: go on Jimmy: what? Janis: give me the bulletpoints Jimmy: you're alright 🤓 Janis: tah, babe Jimmy: and I'm alright for not 🖋 you a naughty list Jimmy: which you know were what I meant Janis: you're 🤹 Janis: I know Janis: can't blame me for trying Jimmy: you heard me #notallsantas Jimmy: don't wanna watch you sleep either, tah Janis: I appreciate you saying that Janis: don't sound at all like you're gonna Jimmy: 👀 Janis: thank god the sleepover didn't happen Janis: you and 💀👑 meet over my corpse Jimmy: I'll sort a new one since you're 💔 Janis: with who? Jimmy: I'm just the 💪🏆 Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: 🎅👴😎☕ Janis: party Jimmy: and what, we all chuck our 🔑s in a bowl? Jimmy: or just pass you around Janis: UM Janis: how dare you, we do face masks and watch movies Jimmy: 🥱😴 Janis: 😱😱 BABES Janis: 😭 Jimmy: SOZ Janis: you are SO uninvited from the gangbang now Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Janis: it's me who's a 🍆 down Janis: you're so selfish Jimmy: if you've still got that 🪒 it's easily sorted Janis: bit rapey Janis: 😎☕ is basically an open invitation in this place Jimmy: no need to just castrate me with your 🗨 Jimmy: there's my consent Janis: you aren't bleeding out yet Janis: sorry Jimmy: I'll stop it with the steam wand Janis: ooh Janis: resourceful Jimmy: Oi, don't sound so surprised, dickhead Janis: I didn't expect you to have really considered castration that much, tbh Janis: but yes 💪🧠 Jimmy: never gonna unlock all my kinks with that attitude Janis: 😂 Janis: you're keeping the list 🔒 Jimmy: when you're ready for it, I'll give you the bulletpoints Janis: How am I not ready for it? Jimmy: you're here for a start Jimmy: what are we gonna do get a wet floor sign out and stick a 🧹 through the door handle? Janis: are we going to do that? Jimmy: that on your list? Janis: Well, it is now Jimmy: good, 'cause we ain't gonna have time to do more than the one ✔ before Doris is kicking off for her ☕ or invite Janis: She can wait Janis: I don't want to share you right now Jimmy: [showing up for 😈 antics because his manager ain't here and we don't care what our co-workers think] Janis: [live your best lives guys there is no reason not to] Jimmy: [Pete if you're here ILY and you would do the exact same with your gf so but fuck the rest of y'all truly] Janis: [maybe not exactly the same if you're a little less extra but yes, we aren't interested] Jimmy: [you're a bit older and chiller but you know] Janis: [soz you aren't living a romcom lmao god bless] Jimmy: [JJ out here doing the most and living their dreams from day 1] Janis: [we just skirting around our trauma and trying to live and be young and I love that for you] Jimmy: [literally imagine just having to go back to work like 👋 in a bit as if that didn't just happen I always die thinking about stuff like this] Janis: [lol your life, hence I think you should go back out shopping for a bit girl 'til he's ready to leave] Jimmy: [thank god you're both shameless because even though nobody would've heard anything with the christmas tunes and how busy it is, everyone totally knows] Janis: [y'all aren't subtle, enjoy the #bants and/or disgust from your coworkers Jimothy soz] Jimmy: [making friends everywhere he goes, you're welcome for the fact you're gonna get sacked from here because you're not leaving Dublin in a hot sec like you think you are] Janis: [you're all teens/young adults, y'all be getting messy in all the ways, don't judge lol] Jimmy: [mhmm and we know the kinda hipster peeps who be working there ain't it so shhh] Janis: that girl with the pink hair and neck tat gave me the biggest evils Jimmy: it's just her face Jimmy: 😒 part of our uniform Jimmy: and her hair's rose gold, very festive of her, get it right Janis: roots down to her eyebrows and all Janis: tell your girlfriend she's safe it's #fake Jimmy: oh Ashleeeee Jimmy: I'll tell her to get down the salon Janis: or stick a santa hat on Janis: problem solved if she covers her face with it too Jimmy: she'd probably make a better ☕ blind an' all Janis: you're 🥇 are you? Jimmy: you're asking questions you know the answer to again Janis: I don't drink it, I can't comment Jimmy: it weren't a #humblebrag she's a 🎄 temp, can't do fuck all but 😒 and gone before her roots'll reach her chin Janis: makes sense Janis: least you can blame the 🐄☕ on her Jimmy: except 💀👑 and co's, reckon they'll know that were me, if they ever know Janis: none of them are asking for no 🐄 'cos it makes them shit their brains out Janis: but that extra 1/8 lbs will give it away 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 Jimmy: if it made 'em 💩 they'd ask for it, hoard the laxatives for another day, I get it Janis: True Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: soz if you find any 💩 in the changing rooms though, mate Jimmy: 🐄☕ well into double figures Janis: that's just any other day for Penney's Janis: but I'll sign your name if you like Jimmy: Tah Janis: gold sharpie Janis: make it festive Jimmy: just like that, going from muse to artist, you Janis: A ⭐ is born Janis: don't ruin it for me when I get my grammy and you're an alcoholic Jimmy: nowt fake about their 💕 Jimmy: if you don't go that hard for me when my missus, Ashlee is front row, you ain't having that oscar Janis: 😏 Janis: only to catch her 😒 on camera Jimmy: bollocks, in it for the 👏👏🌹👏 you Janis: you're just in it to be serenaded so don't @ me mate Jimmy: not denying it Janis: 😍 x1000 Jimmy: owt to give me a break from these fucking 🎄🎵 Janis: reckon the staff here have gone full zombie Janis: 💀 in the 👀 and 🧠 Jimmy: bit rude of you not to leave me for 💀💀💀 back there Jimmy: could be us rotting but you're playing 💔 Janis: Rosie was gonna passive-aggressively ask me to buy something or leave if I didn't Jimmy: taking orders from her'll do nowt for them gay rumours Jimmy: need a #LAD to tell you what to do, duh Jimmy: I'll give you a shout when I find one Janis: Shut up, s'why I left before she could say fuck all Janis: and how are there gonna be any gay rumours when the reason she's pissed off is 'cos she's jealous Jimmy: depends who she's jealous of Janis: if she's gay that's her problem Janis: but she's jealous of me, FYI Janis: take the compliment Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: you're the 👏👏🌹👏 chaser Janis: 1. rude 2. bollocks Jimmy: 1. ain't much of a compliment if she fancies me 2. I'll have you know my head's genetically this big Janis: you know what you look like and you're well 😏 about it Janis: not saying you're wrong Jimmy: I know what she looks like an' all Janis: not like she's the only one 😍 is it Jimmy: my inbox is as full as yours Janis: yeah Jimmy: so you've got nowt to be jealous of Janis: I'm not jealous Jimmy: what then? Janis: I'm just saying she is Janis: fuck sake big head, don't get it twisted Jimmy: don't get a mard on Janis: I'm not, idiot Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Are you? Jimmy: ? Janis: in a mood? Jimmy: why would I be? Janis: I don't know Janis: why would I be, like Jimmy: 😒 ain't in your job description Janis: I'm not Janis: I only left so you could actually get some work done Janis: that's all Jimmy: alright Janis: don't actually care what your coworkers reckon but you do have to work with them Janis: least for a while longer Jimmy: I'll live Janis: it's about making shit easier Janis: not harder, yeah Jimmy: you did Jimmy: not saying I'm 😁👍 or nowt but Janis: not even a little? Janis: shit review, that Jimmy: you can have one of the dead eyed ones 😀 or 😃 Janis: I'd rather 😒 Jimmy: [a 😒 selfie like there you go ILY] Janis: tah Jimmy: I rate you, you know I do Janis: shh Jimmy: not gonna sing it but Janis: if we've got to be a romcom Janis: not being one with a musical number Jimmy: won't argue 🤐 Jimmy: #notallnortherners 🎭🩰🎤 Janis: you're warning me how embarrassing you're gonna be at this party Janis: I get it Jimmy: can't say you ain't been now Jimmy: #notalldaddys an' all Jimmy: dickhead dad if I'm owt Janis: however goals that may be Janis: I'd sooner grate my face off Jimmy: you always know EXACTLY what to say Jimmy: really fulfil my nursing kink, that will Janis: how great would you look if you stayed with me Janis: my only positive, gone Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: be even more mysterious to make up for losing how fit you are Janis: 😶😶😶 Janis: what is she thinking Jimmy: 🤯🤯🤯 Janis: do you if you like Janis: #muteandcute Jimmy: the couple who self harms together are obvs gonna stay together Janis: 💀💀 means forever 😃😃 Jimmy: long as it don't backfire when everyone reckons I've been cracking onto Asia's dad 💋 Janis: reunite 'em for the holidays Janis: ✨💕 Jimmy: you're really earning that 😇 costume for tonight Janis: you'll still steal the show, babe Jimmy: you ARE the show, babe 👀🍿🔪 Jimmy: Ashleeeeeee's got nowt on 💀👑 Jimmy: or my long lens Janis: 😂 Janis: dope Jimmy: promise not to do you like princess di, know you'd hate everyone going on about you for that long Janis: what good is 👏👏🌹👏 if I can't 👂 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 👻 perks Jimmy: get to be a right nosy dickhead forever Janis: suits you Janis: no 🧛 perks except the taste Jimmy: 🦷🦷 suit you Jimmy: what about 💪🏆🏃🥇? Janis: that's just me Jimmy: SUCH an athlete Jimmy: I've heard Janis: I'll show you if you ever stop fussing and nursing Jimmy: BUT 🥺 Janis: I know Janis: but I need a redemption arc Jimmy: nowt wrong with 😈 Janis: falling on my arse though Janis: 👎 Jimmy: 👍 for me Jimmy: but I get it, you wanna impress me Janis: if I wanted to impress you, I just would Janis: it's easy Jimmy: 🗨 is Janis: you'll 👀 Jimmy: *📷 Janis: if you can catch me Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 💪 Jimmy: tah very much, compliment accepted an' all Janis: when you out? Jimmy: [a time which I hope isn't forever away because work sucks enough without your co-workers gossiping about your love life] Janis: 👍 Janis: might compliment you then Jimmy: you find a party? Janis: [a selection of, 'cos these teens are extra] Jimmy: we gonna #bless the one or do a tour? Janis: a tour is actually a good idea Janis: fuck it up Janis: go before it's really shit Jimmy: there you go again sounding 😱😱 that I've had a 🥇💡 Janis: like I'm meant to reckon every 💭 you have is golden Jimmy: glad we're on the same 📖 FINALLY Janis: 🙄 Janis: I'm on a whole new book, babes Jimmy: alright, give us a chance Jimmy: basically illiterate Janis: awh Janis: keep practising on those coffee cups hun Jimmy: good job I nicked our kid's 🖍 Janis: long as it weren't a swap Jimmy: @ nspcc Janis: you're alright Janis: this country is infamous for not giving a shit about kids Jimmy: that'll be why Ian brought us here Janis: if he tries to give you to some nuns, run Jimmy: into their arms #kinkunlocked Janis: sure that's another costume Janis: want an outfit change? Jimmy: not very festive though, is it? Jimmy: if I were the baby Jesus, that's one thing, but his groupies Janis: well you can't go as baby Jesus Janis: that's obscene Janis: and where am I getting a loincloth as this hour, thank you Jimmy: such a letdown, you Jimmy: seen you piss about and craft a 🐑 for fuck's sake, it's ALMOST like you DON'T WANT to make this happen for me Janis: it's almost like you're a complete exhibitionist Jimmy: Lucas would support me, knew I should've picked him Janis: no one's stopping you Jimmy: UGH and now you're not even gonna fight for me 😭😭 Janis: you'll come crawling back when he's trying to pick up more 12 year olds again Jimmy: less of a rom com more of a crimewatch reconstruction Janis: you, the clueless wife who had NO idea Janis: sure, Sharon Janis: turning a blind eye so you didn't have to fuck him Jimmy: chuffed he's pissing off out so I can watch telly without his loud breathing doing my head in Janis: You're an Emmerdale fan, definitely Janis: neighbours and home and away in the afternoons Jimmy: Doctors is my top pic though obvs Janis: your only friends are the characters in your stories Janis: sad, honestly Jimmy: Oi don't forget the 🐩 I'm starting to look like Jimmy: it hates me, obvs, so I get why you didn't 💭 Janis: it doesn't want you to baby it but it's all you wanted it for Jimmy: he won't put a 👶 in me and that's 💔 but OMG it's just like one of my fave plots #conflicted Janis: Sharon, you're barren Janis: you need to come to terms with it Jimmy: DUN DUN DUN Jimmy: but it's me doing my own piss poor drum roll Janis: 😂 meanwhile, casual serial killer b plot with your mans Jimmy: Sharon, you're having a mental breakdown Jimmy: this is a REAL doctor's office Janis: not you trying to seduce your fave doctor and it's actually your GP and he's gonna call the psych ward Jimmy: 🚨🚨🚨 Jimmy: your man is gonna pin his crimes on you, hun Janis: omg Janis: when the truth outs, you're gonna be fully gone Janis: maybe in a cheeky coma Jimmy: bit of amnesia so I reckon I did do it an' all Janis: oh god Janis: so like a woman Janis: just lethal inject me 'cos I'm a monster who can't even have kids Jimmy: Oh Sharon Janis: Lucas will keep getting away with it for 4 more seasons Janis: then your ghost will pop up and it'll all get sorted in an ep Jimmy: I'll work with the 👻s of his victims, grab a spin off out of it Janis: full circle, you watching your show from your armchair in your dark, depressing lounge Jimmy: 🎨 Janis: welcome for the A on your next art project Jimmy: IOU Janis: not bothered about credit Jimmy: alright, what do you want? Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: go on Janis: I need to think of an idea right now? Jimmy: 🚫⏲ Jimmy: just no need to hold back if you've already got one Janis: I'll take my time Janis: no point saying something now, thinking of something I want more later Jimmy: won't have you 🖋🩸 it's alright Jimmy: if you change your mind, just tell me that Janis: you're bad at business Jimmy: that'll be why I ain't the manager Janis: 💔 babe Janis: the free time you'd have 🤯🤯 Jimmy: could train my own 🐕 Janis: hey now Janis: that's my 💰 Jimmy: real 💔 Janis: in it for the 👏👏🌹👏💰💰 Jimmy: I got that Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hush Janis: got outfits to buy and christmas tunes to hear for the 42nd time today Jimmy: I won't serenade you then Janis: if you can get a christmas 🥇 then I will 👰💍🤵 for the royalties Jimmy: alright, piss off I need to crack on with that and you've got a 👰💍🤵 to plan Janis: 👋😘 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [party time] Jimmy: [obvs we just want them to have a nice time but have you got anything specific in mind?] Janis: [hmm, obvs the main party is tomorrow, so we can be more chill, but we can also make drama if we want 'cos yolo] Jimmy: [I was thinking at one of the parties they hit they should see Mia cheating again cos Pablo is on the outs and also she just would anyway] Jimmy: [but that could be today or tomorrow like] Janis: [we should do today 'cos you ain't the focus tomorrow remotely hun, and it's just fun] Jimmy: [agreed, the focus tomorrow is being festive af as always, as much fluff as I can clutch with my grabby hands] Janis: [so if anything, get drama that isn't them, aka flat whites etc out tonight] Jimmy: [love it because Mia would think she was being so sneaky but we see you hen] Janis: [merry christmas beech] Jimmy: [gather that blackmail lads, you'll want it when she gets him sacked by being a Karen] Janis: [yep thanks for not before xmas at least] Jimmy: [I'm sure she's wishing she could rn] Janis: [too bad you walked out in disgust lmao it got so much worse] Jimmy: [sucks to suck gals] Janis: [what drama can we do with y'all hmm] Jimmy: [unrelated but can we say they're drunk in love enough that he stays at mcvickers because Ian sucks and we don't need that in our lives] Janis: [yes, just know the Libi is gonna come in in the AM to wake you up and out you lol] Jimmy: [ngl LOVE that even if you two won't] Janis: [in my mind if she ain't snuck in Janis' bed before she's even home, she comes in well early as kids do so LOL] Jimmy: [he's used to that with Bobby cos that boy is always sleeping with him we know] Janis: [and I alluded to it in a previous convo so go us, anyway, yes, that can totally happen, it wouldn't be far if he had to run so makes sense] Jimmy: [it's beyond obvious that you both never wanna leave each other so] Janis: [let's not lie to ourselves lads except lowkey we do lol] Jimmy: [tbf this is the first time you've had a chance to get drunk together since fake dating started cos we didn't have enough booze on the school trip and unlike the flatwhites you aren't lightweights who got drunk during that friendmas game sesh] Janis: [hohohohohoh the potential] Jimmy: [evil laugh x 3 because Winnie is too] Janis: [let's hit up this first shit party, idk if she genuinely got you a costume to put on or what, Imma say yeah but idk if I have anything particularly festive for you so I'll have to look] Jimmy: [I hope she did, what's more festive than crossdressing] Janis: [get it boy, you'll look hot and no one can deny] Jimmy: [she should be an angel like in Hazel's book even if we can't document the lewk] Janis: [I'm sure I'll be able to find that content somehow] Jimmy: [I'm not even gonna try because I know I won't, Ezra Miller and Harry Styles can only do so much and I don't think they've been festive lol] Janis: [yeah, I'm trying to think of like a movie or something where it was a thing hmm] Janis: [oh, the try guys do it, maybe eugene?] Jimmy: [body shots have to happen at one of these shit parties because #mood] Janis: [very easily done with your lewks lol] Jimmy: [that's what I was thinking, just think of all the love bites there would actually be too though what a statement] Janis: [turns up to your function in no clothes, excuse me, y'all are already on one today, there will be no chill we know it] Jimmy: [tipsy before we get there as well tah Ian] Janis: [thank you for nothing but that dickhead] Jimmy: [and actually being there for once so he can stay at mcvickers and be a carefree teen] Janis: [I mean yes but you are those kids dad not jimothy so I will not applaud you] Jimmy: [doing the least and we hate you so much] Janis: [I think Mia should be at the first party and we can catch her whilst we're still a bit sober lol] Jimmy: [yeah definitely one of the earlier ones, it makes sense for that reason and because the parties would obvs start out more basic and get wilder as the night goes on cos most people aren't throwing a rager on christmas eve eve] Janis: [yeah, and if she's at some party that's trying to be sophisticated and lowkey and then they show up 1. LOL 2. she would be caught unawares] Jimmy: [ooh what if she's just gone out with Ella and not the others so it's double tea because that's not in the friendmas spirit] Janis: [I really imagined a date and I was like lovely haha, but totally a vibe, pretending they're busy if the other gals are at another party or whatever] Jimmy: [I might fuck around and give Jimothy an injury of some sort for christmas cos tis the season and Ian is 100% that bitch] Janis: [yeah, he is, a vibe, but not, so rude] Jimmy: [it's gonna have to be christmas eve or day cos they are going to Skerries for boxing day so note to self] Janis: [what if what if that's why she goes to see him xmas day, ultimate rudeness Ian] Jimmy: [yeah because we did say they must] Janis: [dunno where you're huffing off to ian but uninterested, we must] Jimmy: [and then it makes even more sense why they go to Skerries/don't try very hard to come back when they get snowed in, not desperate to spend time with you sir ] Janis: [it all makes sense, also remember the ice bath we can make you a snow pack] Jimmy: [so yeah after whatever they're doing christmas eve, remind me he's gotta go home alone so that can kick off] Jimmy: [also if people have been stupid enough to leave presents under their trees they should steal some] Janis: [noteddd, that's so grinchy and why you don't have xmas parties but with friends people, you deserve it lol, also if we wanna do some messaging, they could lose Mia and have to split up to find her rn, could be amusing] Jimmy: [not all the gifts thank you lads but at least one from every party that it's an option as a memento, ooh good idea boo] Janis: report back, scooby Janis: I'm in the bogs, no sign 😱 Jimmy: leave your 🐕 fetish out of it and concentrate Jimmy: she ain't outside ⛄ Janis: alright, you wanna be daphne Janis: full bimbo now Jimmy: piss off do I wanna be a ginger Jimmy: have a word with yourself Janis: omg VELMA 🤓 Jimmy: how am I not Fred dressed like this? Janis: he was so fashionable Janis: I wanna be Fred though so fuck you Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: I know you're 🤓 and I'm him but crack on lying to yourself Janis: that's rude Janis: don't make me your #2 Jimmy: if the glasses fit, girl Janis: 😡 Janis: i'm going kitchen Janis: it's a long shot but i'm getting drink for me and none for you Jimmy: smash some glasses and plates, you'll calm down Jimmy: or you know, make me a 🥪 Janis: knuckle sandwich Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: so distracting Jimmy: you Janis: nah Janis: we're on a mission focus your 😍😍 Jimmy: [sending her pics of #bants things like I've found her, oh no wait] Janis: [have a lil game, nerds] Jimmy: [obvs you're gonna have to find her eventually I doubt there's that many places she could be so be silly while you can] Janis: Jim I've found her Janis: omg Janis: come here Jimmy: [does even though he's expecting a pisstake] Janis: [hopefully this house isn't that big because you did not tell him anything there lmao, also be quiet or she'll see and you'll ruin it] Jimmy: [she said she was heading to the kitchen so likewise and we'll cross paths lol] Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: [you're so conspicuous rn god bless, but keep an eye on her best you can until you can get dirt] Janis: be 😎 nerd Jimmy: keep your head down 🦒 Janis: i'd say make me but you'll just be 😍😍 Jimmy: [a LOOK that's meant to be pisstakey like what am I like but it's just shamelessly a LOOK lol] Janis: [you know when bitches always kiss in movies when they need to hide, doing that, as if there is a need okay] Jimmy: [love that for you] Janis: [oh the tropes, at least you won't seem arsed by Mia remotely so she'll let her guard down lol] Jimmy: [we're just a lad getting covered in silver, you can relax Mia] Jimmy: [will style that into a 🎅 beard because he's an art hoe] Janis: [what a lewk you two can share] Jimmy: [doing a semi decent job of lip reading Mia even though he's not deaf and whispering to her what he's worked out, doesn't technically need to whisper but the excuse is we're being inconspicuous] Janis: [doing the most to pretend he's being scandalous in ya ear but we listening for real obvs and making our 😳🤤 responses make sense 'do you think there's a free room going?' like do you reckon we'll catch her at it, again] Jimmy: [telling her about all the places he found that you could fuck when he was searching for her, which is lowkey suggestive af boy especially because Mia isn't as shameless as you pair and wouldn't hook up in some of these places] Janis: [telling him which you wanna do first but it's actually where you reckon she might if she's gonna] Jimmy: [agreeing because you agree that it's likely and you're on the same page here] Janis: 🕡 Jimmy: *⏲ Janis: same diff Janis: can't lose 👀 on her Janis: what do we do to kill time without being too distracted Jimmy: 🍻? Janis: [goes to get drink like okay] Jimmy: [is 👀ing you Mia] Janis: gonna suggest this to the gals next time I see em Jimmy: they already follow her about Janis: clealy ain't as good at it as us Janis: but no Janis: the face paint Janis: if you kissed anyone else i'd know instantly Jimmy: bit rude to call me a slag for how I'm dressed but Janis: is it though Jimmy: I just happen to be a slag, alright? Jimmy: nowt to do with any of this Jimmy: [gestures to the lewk] Janis: [looks at him for ages like we forgot what we're doing] Janis: alright Jimmy: are you? Jimmy: [😏 af] Janis: [🖕 which can at least look bantsy to the fans] Jimmy: [a lol soz if that's not inconspicuous hun but the bae is funny] Janis: [bring him a drink back, after taking a massive swig from his like ha ha] Jimmy: [taking pics of her because an angel being 😈] Jimmy: [likewise have forgotten what we're supposed to be doing here for a sec] Janis: [casual photoshoot, be a shame to waste your outfits] Jimmy: [Mia's got no game lbr, you've got time] Janis: [god knows the state of this lad by the time she's ready lol] Jimmy: [another good reason it's an earlier party don't be having a Buster and Chloe rapey situation Mia] Janis: [at least you truly would be as gone, that's the vibe not that] Jimmy: [if your father could see you now hun] Janis: [#disappointeddaddy] Jimmy: [I wish they could call him like come get your daughter but we need this hook up to happen first] Janis: [they should genuinely then bounce though lmao she would actually be so fuming] Jimmy: [don't do it yourself though Jimothy the accent is a dead giveaway, get the bae on it] Janis: [seriously, do some voice work hen, at least a party helps that he'll barely be able to hear, use the house phone] Jimmy: [merry christmas bitch, enjoy the trouble you'll be in] Janis: [hohaha, ANYWAYS, we know you can't stop looking at him gal, how you manage this at all is lowkey impressive lol] Jimmy: [when you get to the second party/on the way there haha you can be as extra as you want, that mission is done and dusted] Janis: [we're so buzzing with ourselves at the prospect of ruining her xmas, practically skip there lmao] Jimmy: [don't you twist you ankle boy as hilarious as that would be] Janis: [we can't have more injuries, and you'd make a right mess of yourself if you fell, it's freezing and you've got no clothes on lol] Jimmy: [yeah that's not festive or goals so be careful please] Janis: [what do we wanna do at this next party then] Jimmy: [just have a nice time tbh lads] Janis: [just partay] Jimmy: [do them body shots and other drinking games cos we're having a messy one and we're competitive af] Janis: [get crunkalunk honey, we can skip to when he's left in the AM now if we wanna] Janis: [after Libi has come in and is like WHERE'S BOBBY as if they also have him tucked up in the bed] Jimmy: [unless there's anything that gets said or done when they're drunk af that we need to know, we know the vibes] Jimmy: [Oh Libi I love you so much but they should facetime him on Cass' phone cos she'll be THRILLED cos you know he's sleeping there and nobody sleeps in that house except Ian] Janis: [ooh, good point actually, we'll do that] Janis: [but yes, poor Jimothy like come sign bitch we gotta talk about santa] Jimmy: [god bless, when you just wanna sleep and snuggle your bae but you got so many jobs] Janis: [being like YOU GOT YOUR COOKIES YOU GOT YOUR MILK AND CARROTS like a checklist 'cos I remember how exciting xmas eve was you were lowkey hysterical all day] Jimmy: [plotting how you're gonna stay awake and peep Santa with those gifts] Janis: [just looking at Jimmy like you ain't gonna get no sleep lol] Jimmy: [mouthing at her to kill you away from the lip reading expert's gaze cos you can't do a dramatic death scene rn the kids are chatting a mile a minute] Janis: [pew pew at his head, also mcvickers gonna be fuming lad] Jimmy: [at least you can leave without having to see them cos that staircase] Janis: [chase you away lmao] Jimmy: [hold in the wee that you clearly will need, your house isn't far] Janis: [run boy run, but we'll throw it back to the end of your partying now] Jimmy: [we should start it as a 🚬 break because that's always good for feels and closeness when it's cold and you're half naked even if we're drunk enough not to feel it] Janis: [just drunkenly telling him about crayon colours we looked up lol] Jimmy: [guessing the colours based on their weird names unless it's obvs and then we're just pisstaking] Janis: [there's some wild ones hun, we're probably making up loads too] Jimmy: [likewise but writing them on her so she has to try and work it out when we could just say it] Janis: [we know where this is devolving and fast, wherever you are not being suitable so you're like hmpf] Jimmy: [on some random person's garden furniture that they should've brought in for the winter but have not] Janis: [you're both gonna start shivering before long so walk in the direction of the houses tah] Jimmy: [handholding and doing the little swinging thing because you've been spending all this time with the bubs] Janis: [loling at him] Jimmy: [playfully nudge her like excuse you but don't push her over because of that drunk and slippy combo please] Janis: ['you're such a nerd, you know'] Jimmy: ['Piss off' but the tone is less fuck off and more yeah I know but so are you] Janis: ['fine' and goes to walk off but likewise is joking so doesn't really] Jimmy: [nevertheless pulling her back and close into you as if she's really going because don't] Janis: ['you want me to stay?' even though you know 'cos how close you are rn] Jimmy: ['don't you want to?' even though she clearly do] Janis: [thinking he's making a point about asking stupid questions like 😏 fine] Jimmy: [just softly touching that 😏 face looking at her like no tell me you want to because we're drunk enough to have been genuinely asking and wanting an answer] Janis: ['I just want you to tell me' shrugs 'no confusion'] Jimmy: ['I just want you' because true] Janis: ['go on then' like it's a challenge but you say it so soft so like it's not] Jimmy: [the most intense kiss ever not even because it's a challenge but because the emotions are just that high okay] Janis: [no time to even talk just taking him by the hand back to yours aka mcvickers not all that way lol] Jimmy: [for a million reasons I hope whatever house you were at isn't far from there but the main one being all the kissing pauses there will be along the way regardless because that's the mood we're in] Janis: [we ain't even gon make it home energy] Jimmy: [100% support that always] Janis: [but you do, and frankly, I don't condone ladder climbing in this state so like be quiet and go in the real way] Jimmy: [that'll be a #mood in itself so] Janis: [getting him out of that santa outfit folornly like you are devvo lol] Jimmy: [gal if you're doing a pouty lip in any way you know what's gonna happen] Janis: [but of course 'why don't you care what people think?' once you can get words out again] Jimmy: ['I care what you think' because we're drunk so we can answer a question and answer it honestly] Janis: ['really?' and a confusion face] Jimmy: [😍 af about her cute expression so we lowkey forget about the question] Janis: [nudge] Jimmy: [a look like ?] Janis: ['why do you care?'] Jimmy: ['about you?' when you were only talking about what she thinks but we're drunk and we've gone deeper with it] Janis: [nods like sure, as you brought it up] Jimmy: ['it's less shit being here 'cause of you, if nowt else you should have the same back off me'] Janis: [when you can't help smile at that 'I don't want you to leave Dublin'] Jimmy: ['I'll stay' like it's that simple remotely but it is when you're drunk af] Janis: ['but you hate it here' and a look like same, obvs] Jimmy: ['I hate it everywhere' because again true] Janis: ['me too' not even trying to be banty like literally yeah same] Jimmy: [a little snugg because we don't want the bae to be sad] Janis: [snugging and sighing 'this is so weird'] Jimmy: [an even bigger sigh because it is and you don't want it to be and just saying sorry in the quietest softest voice like did you even actually say that or no] Janis: [at least it's that quiet 'cos you're meant to be that you would hear and you're shaking your head like no no 'not now, specifically or...it's not your fault, you know' 'cos you mean this whole situation for you 'cos you've never and you're like how did this happen so fast and when did we get here] Jimmy: [a shrug because he thinks everything is his fault always thanks Ian so it's like I don't know/believe that actually but we also don't think the bae is full of shit like we think a lot of people are so it's a confusing and conflicting tangle of thoughts up in here as well cos likewise has also never felt like this or expected any of this when he suggested it lol] Janis: ['I mean it' and properly looking at him but not really driving the point home harder than that right now/yet 'it's okay though, isn't it?'] Jimmy: [a nod that encompasses all the things 'are you?' cos if she's okay that's all that matters bye] Janis: ['is it a dealbreaker?' trying to make light of the fact it's like not really no] Jimmy: ['only if you're breaking our deal' like it's not okay if you don't wanna do this anymore even though it's a headfuck because ILY and I will die] Janis: ['I don't want to'] Jimmy: ['what do you want?' as if we don't know sir] Janis: [poke him in the chest] Jimmy: [just resting his hand over hers like okay I accept that and will turn it into a soft gesture] Janis: [when that lowkey says so much about the dynamic and we can't handle it 'let's just-' and kissing him] Jimmy: [kissing will always be easier so I'll allow it kids] Janis: [do that and more 'til you pass out probably 'cos honestly] Jimmy: [gonna let you say her name during at least once if you want boy because we're both not remembering this and we know it'll hit different sober anyway] Janis: [andioop soz you're trashed huns] Jimmy: [but not because it gives us freedom to do things y'all ain't ready for yet] Jimmy: [but soz that Libi will be waking you up early af]

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay but what if we're really rude and say that he's getting up to leave/get ready to go to work etc whatever but she wakes up because neither of them are good sleepers so makes sense to me even if it's early] Jimmy: [awkwardly both getting ready cos she's got dogs to walk including his] Janis: [that makes sense to me too, fun times lol] Jimmy: [at least they've got the excuse of not wanting to wake mcvickers up for keeping this bit silent af] Janis: [and at least neither of you takes a million years to get ready either] Jimmy: [casual speed run lol because he can't get ready properly til he gets to his house if it's for work because didn't get chucked out in his uniform, when you've gotta come with him gal cos nobody will be up at his either so that'll be an awkward short walk] Janis: [when you aren't saying shit 'cos no way to gauge how much he remembers here remotely] Jimmy: [and he's not either because 1. rarely does 2. would remember being kicked out and then rescued but unlikely he'll remember exactly what he said or did and can't exactly re-read the convo in front of her in case he dies] Janis: [the only saving grace is you're both used to silences but this beats the usual in awkwardness so not really] Jimmy: [thank god when they get to his Twix will be extra af so he can just be like' tah' which we know is not at all a casual thank you and run inside like gotta go get ready BYE] Janis: [run off with that dog gal] Jimmy: [later so he's had to chance to take a break at a time when somewhere that cuts keys would be open and get a load more spares done] Jimmy: 🔑✔ Jimmy: no need to nick yours off you again Janis: 👍 Janis: glad to hear it Jimmy: I get it, saving lads from 💀💀💀 ain't what you're after Jimmy: must've been 💔 Janis: It was no big Janis: Bill might be 💔 though Janis: not really Juliet's role Jimmy: I'd say he'll live but bit late and rude Janis: 👻bants Jimmy: ain't your role now any road, he'll have to haunt some other lass Janis: now that's 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: if you miss him that bad, chuck the script out and make yourself Romeo Jimmy: I'll be the lass who don't get a face or owt to say Janis: makes more sense 😎🤐 Janis: some edgy teen drama been there, done the rewrite though, I'm good Jimmy: I get it, you reckon the gay rumours might resurface Janis: no doubt Jimmy: the 👻 bants ain't worth it Bill mate Janis: bit rude Jimmy: I'll keep it 😎🤐 then soz Janis: unless you're changing your role too Jimmy: don't have the range, my dear Janis: there's your answer then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: the dog is more wound up than usual today Jimmy: last night were a bit Jimmy: didn't get kicked out for nowt Janis: yeah Janis: just letting you know Janis: take it for a longer walk, try to wear it out Jimmy: Alright Janis: Will he let you back in tonight Janis: or are you gonna have to wait Jimmy: can let myself in 🔑s 'll do that, like Janis: obviously Janis: but are you gonna need to avoid him 'til he's asleep or what, is what I was saying Jimmy: whatever I need to do is nowt for you to worry about Janis: alright Jimmy: I meant what I said, no need to 📞 you or an SOS or owt Jimmy: 🦇 about without looking for a signal Janis: I know Janis: was just asking Jimmy: if I said owt about him when I were being a drunken dickhead, it'll have just been bollocks Janis: you've said he's a twat plenty of times Janis: and I have met him so Jimmy: yeah Janis: you didn't say anything Janis: don't worry Jimmy: 👌 Janis: later then Jimmy: I just Jimmy: didn't mean for nowt like that to happen Janis: 'course you didn't Janis: I'm not that dick though Janis: what, like I'll hold it against you Janis: if you want to forget about it, then do, I'm fine with that Jimmy: I'm not calling you a massive dickhead, I'm saying I feel like one Janis: you don't need to Janis: your family shit ain't my business but it ain't your fault Janis: or if it was, whatever, yeah Jimmy: I don't just mean that though Jimmy: how we left things an' all Jimmy: all that bollocks before Janis: well Janis: I fucked it up so Jimmy: I did my bit Janis: if you really want that credit Jimmy: 🏆's a 🏆 babe Janis: only when you don't give it yourself, allegedly Jimmy: Oi, don't be quoting my rules back to me Janis: one for you and one for everyone else, is it Jimmy: I know what I said, weren't pissed then an' all Janis: I'm glad you don't have a #problem Jimmy: might do now I'm SO 💔🎻😭 after having lost my Juliet Jimmy: if I'm gonna have to put the 💀💀💀 work in myself, it'll do Janis: drove you to drink is usually reserved for marriage and didn't actually fake propose so that's on you Jimmy: the 🍷🦷 will put off 💀👑 and the rest of the lasses about but whoever Ian's with will be well up for it so that's his life ruined and job done Jimmy: can't help that the flatcap fits, girl Janis: if you're gonna kill yourself with booze, I'd pick something that tastes better than wine Janis: but I get it, you wanna be like Lucas in all the ways Jimmy: point's to be 💀💀💀 not have a laugh but alright Jimmy: I'll lure him in an' all while I'm about it Jimmy: not one to rest on my bloody laurels, me Janis: have your 🏆 Jimmy: fill it with 🍷🥳⚰ Janis: am I allowed to go your funeral or what Jimmy: why wouldn't you? Janis: people get weird 'round funerals Janis: Shaz might ban me Jimmy: far as people know we're still 💕's young dream so she'd have a job to have a go Jimmy: Bill is gonna be chuffed to bits by the attempt Janis: not if you steal her Janis: loudly declaring her undying 💕 over your corpse Jimmy: weren't planning to go that far, but Ian would be chuffed to bits himself by that so tah for the 🥇💡 Janis: why half-arse the job Jimmy: I said I don't have the range Janis: like you don't just have to lie there Janis: x2 Jimmy: fake dating you ain't prepared me to pretend I'm eager to crack onto other Sharon Jimmy: who's fault's that? Janis: suppose that's a compliment Janis: backwards one but I'll take it Jimmy: didn't reckon you'd fancy one the right way round Janis: yeah right Jimmy: right 'cause you said you can't hack it Jimmy: remember that bit, me Janis: that's convenient Janis: can all be selective with our memories, boy Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: picking and choosing what bits you want and chucking 'em at me is very Catholic school of you Jimmy: it were you who said it, so if you're trying to say either of us said or did something I need to remember after I chucked a load of 🥃 down my throat, go on Janis: I'm not Janis: you passed out like immediately Jimmy: 👍 Janis: did you think something happened? Jimmy: how would I know? Janis: 'cos you chucked a load of 🥃 down your throat so why would it Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: I don't mean you might've done owt, dickhead, just me Janis: not that desperate that I'd hold you to it Janis: but you didn't Jimmy: just desperate enough to have a one track 🧠 Janis: shut up Jimmy: I never said it had to be something like that Janis: what else would you mean Janis: were at my grandparents house, you'd know if you'd vommed or otherwise been a twat Jimmy: loads else I could say or do, isn't there? Janis: me and my one-track mind would have no idea Janis: what are you 😱 you said? Jimmy: yeah 'cause I'm gonna tell you now if I didn't then Jimmy: nice try, dickhead Janis: 🙄 Janis: you expect me to sit here and tell you everything you said Janis: didn't commit it to my memory, even if I weren't pissed Jimmy: no, just tell me what happens next Janis: 📖🖋 Janis: never my job that bit Jimmy: we're both off the clock last I heard Jimmy: we left it like we were never gonna have a word to each other again, then what you stop me 🥶 to 💀💀💀 and it's back to nowt? Janis: I don't know Janis: you don't owe me nothing, if that's what you're getting at Janis: probably wouldn't let many die just 'cos, believe it or not Jimmy: piss off, you know it weren't what I were getting at Janis: alright Janis: but I still don't know Janis: what do you want to do Jimmy: what makes you reckon I know owt if you don't? Janis: even if I say I overreacted Janis: not taking back that there was a vibe Janis: that was hard to ignore Jimmy: I'm not calling it a vibe but alright Janis: you think of a bloody word for it then Janis: it's wanky but it's a useful replacement for when you can't even, babes Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: so helpful Jimmy: I never said I didn't wanna kiss you an' all Janis: you didn't though Jimmy: it weren't as simple as all that Jimmy: and alright, I might have overreacted myself Janis: I get it Jimmy: can't we just Jimmy: go back to how it were Janis: when Janis: like, what part Jimmy: before you pissed off and I were a massive 😭 twat about it Janis: I can't promise I won't need to go again Janis: but I'll try to give you more warning Jimmy: like you said, family shit ain't my business or your fault, Jules Janis: got the role back then? Jimmy: do you want it back? Janis: may as well Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🏆 for enthusiasm an' all Janis: what do you want me to say Janis: you're not in a ⚰ I'm not being dramatic about it Jimmy: you saving it for the eulogy or the murder?m Janis: everyone knows murderers love a dramatic monologue so you've got time to escape Janis: enjoy that Jimmy: don't wanna escape 💕 Janis: n'awh Janis: just me, that Jimmy: if you don't wanna 💀💀💀 put the 🔪 down, mate, ain't me holding it Janis: truce, I heard you Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: alright, no funny business Janis: not an animal Jimmy: 🤏🦇🩸 Janis: part-time Janis: and can clearly control my bloodlust Jimmy: 💔 gutted Janis: give me time to prepare my speech, dickhead Janis: got a life, you know Jimmy: I've said it before, them 🐕 ain't taking themselves for a piss Jimmy: be why you were in such a rush to leg it a bit ago, nowt to do with me or your self control Janis: oh yeah, 'cos you were begging me to come in Jimmy: didn't hear nowt from you volunteering to @ my manager about why I were late if I had asked you in Janis: I'll @ him any time you like 😍 Jimmy: you and your 👻 kink Janis: love unavailability Jimmy: it's 'cause you've got no self control, that Janis: I clearly do Janis: you left that bed thoroughly unmolested so Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: such a twat Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: What are we doing in a bit then? Janis: what are WE doing or what are 'the couple' doing? Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: well, I know that lot are having a sleepover Janis: we could crash that, be funny Janis: but we can bail and do whatever after Jimmy: alright Jimmy: long as you keep the pjs on, been ages since they've had a proper outing Janis: just for you, like Jimmy: for 💀👑 an' all, she'll be fuming Janis: rude Janis: it is the dresscode Jimmy: 💔 I don't have a lace nightie or owt to chuck on and show her up Jimmy: go shopping for us, tah very much Janis: that's not fair Janis: how am I meant to control myself then, like Jimmy: if you're not up to the challenge, I'll dress down Janis: hate to dull your ✨ Janis: black for preference, no need to tell me Jimmy: 🖤 Janis: Sharon really hasn't left one at yours? Jimmy: if you wanna go looking for it, you crack on Jimmy: don't fancy it myself Janis: don't snoop through my client's houses, tah Janis: got a reputation to uphold Jimmy: Oi, don't client zone me Janis: well, you're the client's owner, if you really wanna 💔 Jimmy: some truce that were, lasted about as long as your self control Janis: what kind of mates don't have top quality #bants Jimmy: 💀👑 and hers Jimmy: so we'll have to calm it down in a bit Janis: then we won't be mates Janis: love's young dream Jimmy: we'll be both, just that #goals, us Janis: duh Janis: doesn't even make me a bit 🤢🤢🤮 Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't got time for a 🤢🤢🤮 break if you set me off Jimmy: and I don't reckon one of the cups'll hold it Janis: 😂 you're so dramatic Janis: make it a venti Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'm actually alright, tah for asking Janis: you're hungover, that's definitely your fault Jimmy: nah, I don't have one 💪🏆🥇 me Janis: I do not believe that even a bit Jimmy: it'll be your top quality nursing that did it Jimmy: or how you reckoned I passed out soon as Janis: don't reckon being able to make a cuppa qualifies me but I'll take it Jimmy: did you? 😍 works as a northern marriage proposal, that Janis: you were 🥶 and I know how you like it Jimmy: IOU ☕🍪🍪 Janis: TWO biscuits? Janis: who needs 💍 Jimmy: I'll chuck you a whole pack for the honeymoon Janis: that's indecent Janis: stop 🙈 Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😏 Janis: better Jimmy: nah, but there's a time and a place for 🔊 Janis: 💡 Jimmy: ? Janis: later Janis: is a time and a place for 🔊 Jimmy: goes without saying, owt we can do to 🔇 💀👑 Janis: won't take much Janis: try to avoid being at home, especially when they're all about Janis: but it is worth it to show my face just to see hers sometimes Jimmy: black lace number, I heard Jimmy: I'll bring her a ☕ over, have a think how you wanna ☠ it Janis: laced in lace sounds like a 🔥 summer read Jimmy: hang on, I'll grab a 🖋 loads of napkins about Janis: very fitting Janis: 🎨💭 Jimmy: [sends her a pic of whatever Jackie Collins esque nonsense he's written on a napkin once he has because he's a nerd] Janis: 😂 Janis: the 👵 that finds that will be way too thrilled Jimmy: long as she 💀💀💀 off the premises Jimmy: might not be hungover but I still don't fancy the clean up Janis: 💦💦 Jimmy: STOP Janis: soz Janis: that 🧠 strikes again Jimmy: such a way with emojis, you Janis: don't get too excited on the 🕤 like Jimmy: 📵 'll be your fault when 👻 manager floats in and kicks off Janis: who is working today Jimmy: now who's getting excited? Janis: I'm just making conversation Janis: so rude Jimmy: rude of you to use me to find out who you wouldn't be able to 📞🍑 once there's a phone ban Jimmy: sort yourself and your one track 🧠 out, Judith Janis: you're easily distracted Janis: not my fault Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: dead focused Janis: on your 🎨 Janis: maybe Janis: ☕ orders, nah Jimmy: sounds like a review the CG has had Jimmy: 😱😱😱 were you @notallkarens543??!!!!!!!! Janis: my real name Janis: you've been well off Janis: maybe if you paid more attention... 💅 Jimmy: if that's been a wig this whole time and it's stayed on, there's a shit load of lasses who need another Q&A Jimmy: and the talk to the manager hair reveal, obvs Janis: if ONLY your manager would talk to me Janis: all natural, babe 💔 Jimmy: I called your tan were fake, can't do it all Janis: not a casual bit of blackfishing Janis: be counterproductive out in the country really Jimmy: depends, might get a 💀💀💀 spot with a lovely view Jimmy: 🌳🌼🌻🐄🐑💩 Janis: from the top of the 🌳 Janis: beautiful Jimmy: the 📷 will TOTALLY be ones for the feed Jimmy: tah for the 🎨 you were a 🥇 til the end Jimmy: *muse Janis: you could pretend to mourn, bitch Jimmy: I'll be doing my 😭😭😭 at your ⚰ Janis: you can't even give me a little 😥 now? Jimmy: I could do Janis: you lied about not having the range Jimmy: I don't need it with you Jimmy: going for 🏆🥇 not oscars Janis: you got your 🏆 Janis: keep it up for the 🥇 like Jimmy: [sends her a 😟 selfie cos can't 😥 rn obviously but there you go gal] Janis: give the 🐶🥺 a run for their money Janis: don't reckon I like that Jimmy: [writes her an OTT iconic eulogy like maybe you'll like that better] Janis: okay 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: weren't the plan but alright Jimmy: 🔪💕😘 Janis: put the 🥇 in my will Jimmy: don't reckon I can accessorise any more as a 👻 already got the 😎🚬 Jimmy: and the ⛓ Bill's fuming I've gone a bit Dickens but a kink's a kink Janis: what do you want then, 👻boy? Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: a valid one Janis: you said you were going for 🏆🥇 Janis: now you've changed your mind Jimmy: I want nowt but your eternal 💕 DUH Jimmy: there's the 🏆🥇 answer Janis: I'm dead so that'll be easy Janis: what's the real answer then Jimmy: what do I want when you die? Janis: yeah Jimmy: be dead an' all, won't I? Janis: guess so Janis: if we're sticking to script Jimmy: don't you want to? Janis: can work with that Janis: when you're born with another person, get used to sharing Jimmy: weren't what I asked Jimmy: I said what do you want Janis: I just wanna Jimmy: what? Janis: see you again Janis: and it be alright Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: I will be for fucking ages Janis: are you sure Jimmy: unless you wanna give the 👮🚔 a bell and dob my manager in for giving me more hours than he's legally meant to Jimmy: then I'll come to you, like Janis: 'how do I know? well I stalk his schedule soooo' Janis: tell 'em I'm 💀👑 Janis: 2 🐦 1 ☄️ Jimmy: put a silver 🥄 in your mouth, that'll sort the accent and attitude right out Janis: have to swing by to get one Jimmy: is the sleepover at her house or what? Janis: ours, unfortunately Jimmy: middle of nowt so no dickheads can hear them 😱😱😱 I get it Janis: it's probably some weird punishment thing for Gracie but their kinks ain't no interest of mine Jimmy: very Catholic school of 💀👑 we're full ⚫️ here OMG Janis: if you need to put your phone away, you can just say 👋 Jimmy: if you want me to 🤐 you can just say 🖕 Janis: 😏 Janis: I would Jimmy: go on Janis: I don't Jimmy: alright Janis: I'm gonna come in for my lunch Janis: in a bit Jimmy: I'll make you something that's not 🤢 Janis: very thoughtful 💘 Jimmy: just don't wanna have to clean up after you if you 🤮 Jimmy: well selfish, me Janis: alright Janis: you hate me, no need to drive the point home with 🤮 Jimmy: I don't Janis: ambivalent then Janis: even ruder Jimmy: it's all about the tip jar, girl, you've been told before now Janis: @notallkarens543 only gives tips in the form of advice, hun Jimmy: steady on, you ain't tasted nowt yet Janis: filth, you are Jimmy: you wish, hun Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 I'll crank up Classic FM for you, babes Janis: depends who else is on shift Jimmy: I get it, that's why you're coming in, no need to pretend you're starving Janis: you could've just told me, awkward Janis: now I have to 👀 for myself Jimmy: you ain't told me who you wanna 👀 Jimmy: bit rude to expect me to 🧠📖 Janis: maybe it's who I don't wanna 👀 Janis: not the only one getting shit reviews Jimmy: I know for a fact the manager reckons you're 🥇 Janis: yeah right Janis: he only communicates in knocks and passive-aggressive emails Jimmy: and he said he hopes each email finds you well Jimmy: fuck's sake, what more do you want, bighead? Janis: for him to personally make me a latte, DUH Jimmy: drink it and I'm haunting a different lass Janis: 😏 Janis: I'd sooner die Jimmy: not letting him do them honours either, soz Janis: you jealous? Jimmy: that what you're after? Janis: nah Jimmy: just the latte then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just be stupid if you were Jimmy: and what, I never do owt stupid? Janis: nah Jimmy: I'd sooner die than be that 🤓 mate Janis: good thing you're client-zoned Jimmy: is it? Janis: be rude of you to die before you make my lunch, so yes Jimmy: oi Janis: what? 😇 Jimmy: 1. don't be spreading lies about my image 2. or yours  3. could be 💀💀💀 and still make you a 🥇 lunch Janis: 1. everyone knows you're 🥇 barista boy 2. do you really need me to tweet it too? Jimmy: not my job to tell you how to be 😇 Janis: we don't want to lay it on too thick Janis: the sleepover posts will be A LOT Jimmy: good shout, she will have us trapped once the 🚍 stop Janis: we'll leave before the communal 🤮 sesh Janis: I got you Jimmy: tah Janis: what do you actually want to do after Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Jimmy: I ruined whatever plans you had last night before coming to my rescue Janis: yeah, my social calendar is crazy, as you well know Jimmy: I know you don't sleep 🧛 girl so my pisshead 😴 must've done your head in Janis: I got a bit Janis: you were almost cute Jimmy: shut up Janis: I'm being nice Jimmy: what for? Janis: 'cos you hate it, obvs Jimmy: answer my other question then Janis: what do I wanna do? Janis: I don't care Jimmy: so helpful, you Janis: I just wanna hang out with you, alright Janis: we'll think of something Jimmy: 🐄 tipping Janis: 😂 Janis: okay Jimmy: dunno what else you'd do in the country Janis: plenty of shit Janis: there's no fucker about, like you said Jimmy: go on Janis: we've got a barn, with loads of shit in Janis: or there's plenty of other places I know to explore Jimmy: we'll have to fight the tall one for it, sounds like a prime tik tok location tbh Janis: I don't fancy your chances Janis: let me handle it Jimmy: you 🥊🦘 and I'll 👀🍿 Janis: long as you don't enjoy it too much Jimmy: only your win, babe Jimmy: that's the kind of fake boyfriend I am Janis: very #goals Janis: me, obvs 💪 Jimmy: yeah, very 💪🥇🏆 you Janis: say it like you mean it Jimmy: [a voice memo because when does he ever do any work when he could be flirting with the bae] Janis: more like it Janis: [👍 selfie] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: idiot Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: give us a real one and I'll really try Jimmy: not about to piss off into the middle of nowt with anyone else, don't get nowt realer than that Jimmy: as compliments go Janis: alright Janis: fair enough Janis: won't let you get murdered Jimmy: crack on with that and I'll tell you how fit and mysterious you are Janis: you worked out what I really want Jimmy: nah, I just like saying it Jimmy: selfish, remember Janis: I'm alright with that Jimmy: I might let you get a word in if there's owt you wanna say an' all Janis: maybe Janis: I'll have a 💭 Jimmy: might let you get a 💭 in Janis: bold to say I won't be able to use my 🧠 around you Janis: it's very focused Jimmy: on the one track, I heard Janis: you can get on it Janis: not gonna tie you to it though, like Jimmy: 🚫⛓? Count me out, Janet Janis: fine Janis: bring your cuffs, pig Jimmy: Alright, stop begging Janis: how am I gonna be the one begging Jimmy: please'll be one of the words I let you get in, that'll be how Janis: do you want me to beg or not, you're confusing me Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: what are you begging for? Janis: guess we'll see Jimmy: yeah Janis: doubt I'll be begging for whatever food you rustle up, however hard you brag Jimmy: only so much I can do, even going off menu Janis: don't talk it down now Janis: well excited Jimmy: not gonna lie to you, not that dickhead Janis: it's just exaggerating and all lads do it Jimmy: lads who need to Jimmy: don't be #ithappenstoeveryone @ me Janis: 😏🤐 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I ain't gonna bullshit either Janis: so can't say that about you, like Jimmy: even though I'm client zoned? 💕 Janis: yeah Janis: though not handing out top reviews so you can convince other bitches, obvs Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave 'em to you Janis: piss off Janis: I'm avoiding the gay rumours resurfacing, that's the only reason we're mates again Jimmy: 🐕🏃 were all I meant, calm yourself Janis: hmm Janis: you not gonna open your own rival business then? Jimmy: that one track 🧠's a bit suspicious Jimmy: and if I bother, you said I could do Janis: you're just a well-known dickhead Janis: yeah, you can, why I was asking Jimmy: this well known dickhead has got a fair bit on so I dunno Jimmy: might give it a go when your other 👻 bf sacks me Janis: yeah, I dunno when you'd sleep Jimmy: whenever I next chuck 🥃 down my throat, probably Jimmy: do my best to avoid giving you a 📞 though Janis: now you have a key, can put yourself to bed Janis: bit rude to only 📞 when there's none left in the bottle Jimmy: I'll bring you what's left of Ian's stash, can't be going to the sleepover in my uniform Jimmy: 💀👑 would lose herself Janis: true Janis: already gonna be the height of hysteria as there are no males in my house Janis: not even the gay brother Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: is your fit mum at least gonna be there? Janis: I don't know Janis: she's probably going to be out getting over Ian not wanting to date her Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: he's nowt if not a bloody catch, him Janis: I know Janis: absolutely devastated Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: alright for you, stuck with the delight that is by 🩸 Jimmy: any time you wanna be stuck with him by 👰💍🤵 Jimmy: have a crack at either of us Janis: tah Janis: won't go for the little one, not that weird Jimmy: he does like you, mate, but a good shout to assume not like that Janis: yeah, and he's cute, but not like that Janis: more the little fucker they make carry the rings Jimmy: he'd do a top speech an' all Janis: get to slag off all the guests Janis: and me if I don't learn fast enough Jimmy: give you another lesson in a bit, we can slag off the sleepover guests all you like then Janis: good idea Janis: need something to do whilst they're planning the fake wedding Jimmy: and something to do with your hands, that 🧠 being how it is Jimmy: I get it Janis: and you've done nothing to make it worse, of course Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: dunno what you've heard Janis: it's what you wanna hear Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that Jimmy: just a poor lad cracking on with his latte 🎨 finding #inspo round and about Janis: 👌 Janis: inspirational Jimmy: you are Janis: smooth 💘 Jimmy: you're not wrong but neither am I Janis: you reckon your manager would let me have a go with the latte 🎨> Janis: ?* Jimmy: if he says no, I'll let you when he ain't about Janis: 🙌 Janis: buzzin' for that Jimmy: what you gonna ✏️? Janis: I know how to do ☘ with Guinness taps Janis: so, gonna apply that knowledge and give it a go Jimmy: fuck 🤓 flirting we've progressed to full paddy 💕😘 Janis: I know, well impressive Janis: perks of grandpa having a pub Janis: 🎱🎯🍻 Jimmy: I were gonna give you a compliment then but you can't be that talented if you've never taken me to have a go Janis: 1. he could long since be dead and the pub gone 2. we've been to a pub together 3. no excuses left now, like Jimmy: 1. 👻🎱🎯🍻 2. that quiz bollocks were together not vs Janis: 1. insensitive prick 2. alright that's what we'll do then, when we're not 🛌 Jimmy: 1. mine are and you don't see me 😭 and won't til I call into work for a fake ⚰ 2. alright then, let my 💅 dry and we'll be off Janis: 1. how old did they make they can't have been that old unless Ian looks GREAT for it, which, duh, believable 2. 🙌 Jimmy: he's outlived his, my mum's kept going til it were a bit more recent Jimmy: 🌧😒 Janis: Northern, I remember Jimmy: the accent's a giveaway and you did hear it a bit ago so Janis: thought it was a speech impediment Jimmy: my genetics are a shit show, I get why you'd reckon that Janis: know the feeling Jimmy: but any other dickhead asks and it were the 🚬🥃 that did it, be the 😎 answer Janis: got it Janis: if anyone asks I think it's well 🤤😍 anyway Jimmy: I'll stick it in the next Q&A Jimmy: 🤞 no dickhead'll know it were me 🗨 Janis: you'll be well too extra, bighead Jimmy: you do it then Janis: Easy Jimmy: weren't offering a 🏆 for the 💌🖋 don't worry Janis: why would I do it then 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: for the 💕 baby Janis: sounds like a bad deal Jimmy: UGH fine, you can have a 🏆 if you sound enough like you don't have a 🧠 how the rest of our fans do Janis: I'll get the ice pick Jimmy: hot Janis: it is 💕 after all Jimmy: do it properly and the manager'll let you have a crack at all the latte 🎨 you want Janis: send nudes Janis: understood Jimmy: #whenbrainscansarethenewnudes Janis: don't really fancy @ing the CG public twitter but Janis: just trying to pimp me out since day 1 Jimmy: it ain't my fault you'd rather we were rivals than working together as a 🥇 team Janis: you are such a bullshitter Janis: you wanna compete just as much 🎱🎯🍻 Janis: unless you're chatting threesome in which case, so up for that 🥇 performance Jimmy: different to ☕🎨💰 or 🐕🏃 that Jimmy: but I'll chat threesome when you give me someone #goals enough to 🗨 about Janis: 1. I'd never get a job at CG 2. if you wanna give me a cut, you can use my ads and customer base Janis: very rude you don't think Colin is #goals but alright Jimmy: 1. I gave you the in, get that lobotomy booked and you're well away 2. I get it, you just don't wanna share tips with someone more fit and mysterious than you Janis: 1. also need to book in for the tattoos and piercings and I don't have the time 2. wrong on both counts Jimmy: stop pissing about, you've already got more than the one I've got Janis: yeah but you've got the general 😎 and shit taste in music required Jimmy: you're right, you're too 😤 for customer service, forget I said owt Janis: I told you that before Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: I was focusing on your looks instead of how much of a dickhead you are til you reminded us Janis: as if I'd wanna spend that much time around you Jimmy: said as much myself ages ago up there, don't wanna play nice, you Janis: there's nice then there's that Jimmy: that's what the 🚫🧠 suggestion were for Jimmy: gotta be thick to work here Janis: or desperate Janis: and I've got other avenues to go down 'fore I need to hand in my CV Jimmy: tah for rubbing it in Janis: you could work at a better cafe Janis: sure they aren't all hubs of 💀👑 Jimmy: if that weren't bollocks I would be Janis: set your sights lower Janis: the greasier the better Janis: if they can't take a decent insta, you know they aren't coming in Jimmy: then my wage'll be lower an' all, not that thick, like Janis: price you pay then Jimmy: weren't whinging, that were you Janis: I've got nothing to whinge about, thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you could always go work with gracie Jimmy: don't need to be giving Sharon or Ian any ideas about how good I am at raising kids Janis: meant in the shop Jimmy: I don't reckon 😎🚬 is what they're after if they've got your sister on staff Jimmy: what's she got 2 jobs for if she's 💀👑 charity case? Janis: not gonna lend her a whole wardrobe Jimmy: what kind of fake BFF Jimmy: you've got half of mine already Janis: likewise, don't reckon a few hoodies is what she's after Jimmy: 💔 Janis: yeah, so sad for her Janis: tragic when you can't afford all the lipgloss you need Jimmy: yeah, had my 😭 about using the last of my lipgloss a bit ago Jimmy: gonna look a right twat at this sleepover now Janis: don't 🙄 Janis: even they've got enough 🧠 between 'em to work out what sharing can mean 💋 Jimmy: chuffed to bits that my makeover's still on then 💅💄💋 Janis: you are disgusting Jimmy: 😏 Janis: make your face get stuck like that Jimmy: as threats go, reckon you could do better Janis: I don't feel like it Jimmy: dry your eyes mate, the lipgloss #drama has been sorted Janis: if you reckon it's gonna be some b-list softcore porn scenario, you can go by yourself Jimmy: you're alright, I don't need french tips that bad Janis: don't you Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: hands of an artist, me Janis: sure Jimmy: nowt you don't already know Janis: how you bend at the wrist? Janis: yeah, I remember Jimmy: I'll get the 🏆 off my dad for that one, save you the arts and crafts Janis: alright, my bad Jimmy: put the ✨ away for a bit Janis: shh Janis: you wound me up Jimmy: like I said always 😤 you Janis: no need to bang on about it Jimmy: don't sound like me at all, that Janis: maybe not in public Jimmy: so what, the payback for doing your head in is to try and make me 😳 in public? Janis: you wish Janis: not me talking about what could happen at this sleepover Jimmy: you wish you'd be able to raise to the challenge, more like Jimmy: loads of 👵 have tried before now Janis: Please Janis: nothing challenging about it Jimmy: go on then Janis: Why should I? Jimmy: I said there's no point bothering, nerves of steel, me Janis: 'course Janis: last time I came in, that was all just acting Janis: totally in control, you Jimmy: I weren't sacked, if I had no self control, I would've been Janis: I didn't say you had none Janis: just not as much as you wanna fake Jimmy: why would I wanna fake that? more #goals to lose it all around you Janis: exactly my point Janis: that wasn't fake Jimmy: never said it were Janis: you definitely did Janis: it was for their benefit, not ours Jimmy: theirs and ours, that'd be more how I remember it Janis: think about it much, do you Jimmy: don't you? Janis: of course I do Jimmy: I've missed you Janis: I missed you Janis: I just like being with you Jimmy: I dunno if I said it last night or what but I like being with you an' all Jimmy: not just 'cause everything's shit and would be shitter if you weren't my fake missus though Janis: I don't want you to be worrying about what you did or didn't say last night Janis: I'll tell you everything I remember if it makes you feel better but like I said, not putting it in my back pocket for later or anything equally fucked Jimmy: I get that you're not like that, I'm just Jimmy: I dunno Janis: what? Jimmy: I'm not used to it Janis: I know I'm a natural nurse but, me neither, like Jimmy: and not to bang on about it 'cause I'd hate to wind you up with that an' all obvs, but I still don't wanna fuck this up Janis: yeah Janis: I don't want to either Janis: if you want me to get wasted and tell you things I won't remember in the morning then I can Jimmy: you already did do Jimmy: I were worried you were gonna fuck up your other ankle how you were going when I picked you up from that party Janis: see, we're even then Janis: I made an idiot out of myself first Jimmy: you didn't Jimmy: all that bollocks were mutual, us trying to take the piss out of each other Janis: I was angry Janis: as per Janis: I didn't want it to be over Jimmy: It's alright, I were 😭 as per Jimmy: and it's not over Janis: it's not Jimmy: we're gonna need a drink tonight but no need for either of us to be the ones acting like bellends with that lot about Janis: not one I'm gonna insist on competiting in Janis: I wanna remember, being with you, anyway, they don't need to register Jimmy: no competition for owt between you and them Janis: I'll fight for your attention if I have to but I can't promise I'll be happy about it Jimmy: you don't have to Janis: good Janis: you've got mine Jimmy: if you wanna fight any of my customers, manager or co-workers for the rest of what I can't give you, I won't stop you Jimmy: this shift is doing my head in Janis: can you take 10 when I come for lunch? Jimmy: take more than a 👻🥊 to stop me Janis: good Janis: I'll cheer you up Jimmy: I won't 🌧 on you unless you want me to, Jules Jimmy: be more than a bit rude when you're looking like that Janis: see how the mood takes you Janis: not saying you can do what you like to me but Jimmy: I'll say it first then, you can do what you like to me Janis: You know it's not all I care about actually, don't you Jimmy: I were just fuming when I said that Janis: I know but Janis: as long as you do too Jimmy: not as thick I look 🤞 Jimmy: last night, that's not nowt to me, and it weren't the first time you've bothered either Janis: I like you an' all Janis: as well as wanting you, both can be true, yeah Jimmy: why not? I am that likeable and that fit and mysterious Janis: when you put it like that Janis: makes me wanna change my mind but Jimmy: gutted it's only got the one track to go down Janis: I reckon I can handle it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: glad to hear it Janis: be awkward if not, on my way now Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: you said you didn't want it to be awkward Janis: you too Jimmy: I'd have it be awkward if that were the only way I were gonna see you but Janis: that's why it was Janis: before Jimmy: I were a massive dickhead before, I'll try and leave it out Jimmy: for a bit Janis: makes two of us Janis: anyway, rude when you know that's my type Jimmy: you'll be here in a bit, that's as long as I said Jimmy: be alright Janis: thank god Jimmy: nowt to do with him, it's my 🥇💡 Janis: you can't be jealous of god Jimmy: he ain't real it'd be like having a go at one of our kid's imaginary mates Jimmy: but I have done before now 'cause they can be right dickheads at bedtime Janis: 😏 Janis: sounds like you need to be nicer to them, tbh Jimmy: any time you wanna have a go, crack on Jimmy: you know where they live Janis: not good with kids either Janis: imaginary ones included Jimmy: he likes you, I said Janis: he's alright Janis: less bratty than the kids I know, that's for sure Jimmy: I could get their mums to piss off an' all, sort 'em out for you Jimmy: bit of a talent Janis: be useful Janis: my oldest sister, she's bossy as fuck Jimmy: that'll be the fit one, always are Janis: yeah, so everyone says Jimmy: might've been ages ago but now everyone says you're the fit one, she'll have to take 🥈 Janis: only 'cos she really shit the bed on that one but tah Jimmy: sounds like she'll live with being the bossy one Janis: 'cos I'll die if I ain't the fit one 🙄 Jimmy: I'll dump you if you're not the fit one, more like Janis: good luck getting her to fake date you she's actual married and a bit busy with it, like Jimmy: challenge would be accepted but you've painted her as more of a nightmare than you Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you aren't even funny, you know Jimmy: weren't what you reckoned in computer science, don't be lying 'cause you're mardy about my chances with your fit sister Janis: I said 🤡 Janis: doesn't necessarily mean funny Jimmy: but it did Janis: maybe you were funny then Jimmy: Oi, I ain't lost nowt Janis: just your hair and your will to live 👴 Jimmy: when we've been married for a bit, might do Jimmy: and my 💪 Janis: good job I carry you and this relationship then Jimmy: who carries who? Jimmy: nearly done my back in loads of times, tah very much Janis: that's only because you love it Jimmy: and you fell off an assault course Janis: which was your fault, if we wanna go into that again Jimmy: which is why I did my 🥇 nursing stint, if you wanna cast your 🧠 back, Jenna Janis: I know you like it Jimmy: I've had worse jobs Janis: 👍 Jimmy: don't mean you can get into the habit of hurting yourself, never live it down, a top athlete like you Janis: you think I'm that desperate for attention Jimmy: or that desperate to please me Jimmy: nah on either count Janis: don't have to try that hard, on either count Jimmy: I dunno if that's a piss take or not, I've made that many lattes Janis: Baby Janis: come out and I'll be there before you've lit up Jimmy: alright Janis: [arrive] Jimmy: [we hugging because couldn't do that earlier] Janis: [just the longest hug ever] Jimmy: [not breaking the hug but pulling her hair like he's gotta check it's not a wig and covering a karen hairstyle because the emotions are so much rn we need bants always] Janis: [just like oi but we're 😏 not 😒] Jimmy: ['well chuffed it's your real hair' just playing with it in a saucy way to make our point and no other reason obvs] Janis: [going to say something casual like 'mhmm' but does not sound at all casual] Jimmy: [just giving her a look like do you wanna try that again as if it's all just bants still but actually because so #into it we know] Janis: [grumpy face like it is too but not looking away from him 'cos tension Jimmy: [pouty lip thing because he's wanted to kiss her forever and that's the excuse he doesn't need but will take] Janis: [the literal most intense kiss how you don't actually die though] Jimmy: [we're all dying lads it's okay] Janis: [enjoy your moment though 'cos long time coming when you're this extra] Jimmy: [I have no idea how long it's actually been but it feels like ages tbh so take every second of these 10 minutes to be as extra as you can] Janis: [and not running away so progress] Jimmy: [proud of you both for not freaking out and sorting this out to a better level than it's been for ages] Janis: [get that lunch, live your best lives] Jimmy: [impress the bae by making something tailored to her that she'll love] Janis: [straight vibing] Janis: should I get loads of snacks for tonight Jimmy: to piss off 💀👑 or to cheer me up? Janis: you aren't cheered up? Jimmy: you asked that while I'm making you something to eat, which means you reckon you won't like it Janis: no it don't Janis: I was thinking to piss off 💀👑 Jimmy: if we get the rest of 'em to eat some she'll be fuming Jimmy: not 💀#2 obvs Jimmy: be impossible that Janis: challenge accepted then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just need to tell her I know how to get Mia to love her Janis: easy Jimmy: won't take you no time then Janis: what do you want then Janis: as you're so 😭 Jimmy: to eat? Janis: yes Janis: other plans still need to be worked out but I'll let you clock out of this job before we get to that stuff Jimmy: not a teenage girl who counts calories, get whatever you reckon'll piss her off the most Janis: what do you like though, dickhead Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Jimmy: I'm northern, I don't like nowt Janis: you're fussy, is what I'm hearing Jimmy: *funny Jimmy: and I don't care, that's literally the opposite, dickhead Janis: *chronically unhelpful Jimmy: what are you getting so bothered about? Jimmy: I won't be 😭💔🎻 if there's no food, it's not the reason I'm going Janis: I just wanna make sure you don't have a horrible time Janis: even if the main point is they do Jimmy: getting to spend longer than 10 minutes with you will do that Jimmy: even if we'll still have dickheads 👀🍿 us there as well as here Janis: had larger if not quite as attentive audiences so Janis: I don't care Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: obviously, be better to be alone but Jimmy: [brings her this food and beverage like oh hey do you wanna finish that sentence because I'm all up in your grill as much as I'm allowed to be lol] Janis: [just smiling half at the food moment, half at proximity like oh hey] Jimmy: [stealing something off that plate before she's had a chance to photograph the excellence like a cheeky bitch, this is why she wants to know what snacks you want you fat bastard] Janis: I get it now Janis: you know that's not how tips work, yeah? Jimmy: is this where you teach me maths? Jimmy: I'm alright, tah Janis: could do Janis: not as good as 💀👑 I'm sure Jimmy: you'll live Janis: will I though? Janis: my dad ain't a lawyer Jimmy: nah, you're right, you're fucked Jimmy: do you wanna 💀💀💀 in front of 'em an' all? Janis: what sort of question is that? Jimmy: you'd say a valid one Jimmy: if it were you who'd asked Janis: and you'd say something about my 🧠 if I had Jimmy: I don't reckon I can say owt about your 🧠 right now when mine's on the same track Jimmy: but I'll have a go if you're missing the #bants Janis: fun, isn't it? Jimmy: than being a mopey git but less fun than acting on each 💭 would be Janis: we can though Janis: even if it takes a while Jimmy: I know, I just Janis: do you want to be distracted right now or not Janis: because I can go until you're ready to be Jimmy: I wanna go with you Janis: I know you do Janis: but can you, realistically Jimmy: not without a 🥇 reason Jimmy: as voted by my manager Janis: 🤔 Janis: can pretend to be your dying nan but might put you off so Janis: bit counterproductive Jimmy: [IRL lol excuse him everyone] Janis: [😍] Janis: if you're #intoit just lemme know now Jimmy: just don't tell your fit nan that's a kink unlocked, she'll think I'm aiming for her head instead of the window with my stones Jimmy: be a bit awkward next time I fancy a cuppa round there Janis: be a more ⛓ kink if it was your own but fine Janis: keep you well out of her way from now on Janis: done it to yourself with that 🚍 ride Jimmy: if you're gonna call me vanilla, I'll chuck myself in front of that 🚍 instead of getting on Janis: babe Jimmy: proper upset me that has Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you know I like how you taste Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [looks over and shakes head like no you] Jimmy: [gives her a LOOK like you though] Janis: [biting lip but not to be saucy just 'cos genuinely that much of a struggle rn] Jimmy: [when you've gotta just get busy with something because likewise dying] Janis: must be how she does it Jimmy: ? Janis: 💀👑 Janis: being rich enough to sleep with as many people as there are hours in the day Jimmy: what I don't get is why the lads do it Janis: boost their average, practice, warmer than their hand Janis: take your pick, like Jimmy: doubt she is, or much by way of practice Jimmy: and you can lie about your numbers if you're that bothered Janis: nah, she'd be well good for stamina, take you so long to get off it'll basically feel like a chore by the end Janis: you can, but anyone that actually goes there will know you're lying, right Jimmy: I'll crack onto her in a bit then, stop you going on about how crap mine is Janis: no Jimmy: know how to take a hint, me Janis: do you fuck Jimmy: bit rude Janis: there's a reason I ain't subtle Jimmy: if I'm supposed to be fuming about that, tell me so I can fake it for you Janis: don't need you to fake nothing for me Jimmy: just get a bit more stamina from somewhere, yeah? Janis: if you need me to tell you how much of a joke that is, I should probably go somewhere more private Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me nowt Janis: I'll stay put then Jimmy: [comes over to clean up like oh hey again it's me, excuse me while I 'accidentally' touch you as much as possible while doing it LOL] Janis: [doing the thing where you move to be out of the way but 'accidentally' end up more in the way like whoops] Jimmy: [and the eye contact is everything because the manager can't tell you off for that, boy] Janis: [just silently dying here] Jimmy: [hard same for him, I hope you don't have to do hours and hours more of making lattes Jimothy cos you will die] Janis: are your brother and sister out today Jimmy: they'll be back by the time I'm done here Janis: alright Janis: my grandparents won't be, we could stop there first Jimmy: do me a favour and we won't have to bother stopping at mine at all Janis: go on? Jimmy: you've got a 🔑 raid Ian's stash, get some clothes and whatever else you reckon we'll need in a bit Janis: I can do that Jimmy: just be the 🐕 there, you can stay there for a bit if you want Jimmy: I know tonight's gonna do your head in Janis: thanks Janis: you're gonna make it fun Jimmy: I'll give it a 🥇 go Janis: you always do Jimmy: nah, but I will do Janis: not just 'cos the competition is non-existent with that lot Jimmy: not 'cause of them, I want to 'cause of you Janis: I want that too Janis: you Jimmy: [😍 at her because what are words when there's so much you wanna say] Janis: [you pack up your things and go now gal] Jimmy: [try not to watch her go too dramatically please] Janis: [waving like a nerd when you outside] Jimmy: [signs something at her but I've forgotten what he's taught her at this point so who knows what kind of insult that would likely be haha] Janis: gonna ask my best mate for those 🥇 6 year old insults when I next see him Jimmy: just don't ask him what that meant Janis: get you in trouble Janis: you're very predictable Jimmy: piss off am I Janis: okay, then I just know you SO well babes 💖 Jimmy: that'll do Jimmy: keep it #goals hun Janis: speaking of Janis: what do you want for PJs 'cos I bet you don't have any Jimmy: surprise us all Janis: well, gonna protect your modesty and just protect you from them in general Jimmy: you dunno me that well if you reckon I've got owt modest going for me Jimmy: but tah for the 💪 Janis: maybe I'm doing it for me Janis: don't need you slagging it up for anyone else Jimmy: not gonna upstage you, babe Jimmy: I'm saving that for our 👰💍🤵 Janis: oi Janis: x2 Janis: calling me a slag now and outshining me later Jimmy: 😏 Janis: cheek, honestly Jimmy: we could bring the 🐕 let her be a massive slag and outshine us both Janis: I mean, I can't lick my genitals so Janis: she's got me beat there Jimmy: 💔 that rumour were total bollocks Janis: 😂 fuck off Jimmy: meant to be SUCH an athlete, you Jimmy: 🚫🤸🏽 Janis: I'm not a circus freak Jimmy: not in a hot way any road Janis: you're such a prick Janis: just 'cos you're 🤡 don't mean I'm joining Jimmy: so you don't wanna see me 🤹☕? Janis: you wanna get fired that bad, I know Jimmy: pissed right on my tik tok career you have Janis: you just have to pull faces/your top up Janis: it's not hard Jimmy: POV your 👻 boyfriend Janis: what every girl wants Jimmy: DUH Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that'll be why my ex is in my inbox Janis: yeah, you'd messaged her Jimmy: what? Janis: you should read it back Janis: I don't know what you said exactly but you said you'd messaged her last night Jimmy: you could've stopped us Jimmy: some 🧠📖 you are Janis: oh yeah, definitely knew you were that basic bitch stereotype Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: thought she turned you down anyway Jimmy: dunno I'm not gonna open it, am I? Janis: come on Janis: face up to your shame Jimmy: you dunno what she's like Janis: what's the worst that can happen Janis: unless you bought her a plane ticket for her and her baby Jimmy: funny Janis: I'm serious Janis: be worse the more you worry about it Janis: it can't be that bad Jimmy: 😒 Janis: Alright Janis: I'll read it for you later then Jimmy: yeah, I'm gonna let that happen Jimmy: fit AND mysterious is the brand Janis: 🙄 well you messaged me and all, I'm just the dickhead that turned up Jimmy: I remember that Janis: some of Jimmy: enough of, you said Janis: yeah Jimmy: if I were an ungrateful dickhead then, I can do grateful for you now Janis: you weren't Janis: you were Janis: fine Jimmy: what does that mean? Janis: I don't need you to be grateful Janis: it's alright, I meant it Jimmy: okay Janis: whatever you said to her, sure she's gotten drunk dials before now Jimmy: she's done it to me Jimmy: which is why I'm 😒 and 🙄 Janis: you don't wanna be that bitch to that bitch Janis: I get it Jimmy: such a way with words, you Janis: you know what I mean Janis: you've invited her back in, you reckon Jimmy: she'll reckon Jimmy: even if I slagged her off til the word limit Jimmy: or it weren't about her at all Janis: unlucky, then Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: or 🌧🌧 Janis: I'm inside so Janis: go ahead Jimmy: if you can't benefit from fitting your hair under a 👑👒🎩🎓🧢 for a bit, I don't see the point Janis: gonna cheer up then? Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: not very in the spirit of what you just said Janis: I don't need cheering up Jimmy: what do you need then? Janis: nothing Jimmy: come on Janis: what? Jimmy: talk to me Janis: about what clothes I'm packing or Jimmy: 🤞👗👠 for me Janis: if you have a secret crossdressing wardrobe, lmk Jimmy: maybe in our future fake mansion, my dear Janis: then I reckon you're shit out of luck Janis: your sister don't seem the sort Jimmy: she's not Janis: not that you'd fit anyway Jimmy: you slagging me off or her there? Janis: you, obvs Jimmy: 💀💀💀 wish ain't that strong, I get it Janis: you said you'd do it Janis: basically a promise Jimmy: I'll do whatever you want, not my fault there's nowt you do, you said Janis: If you were here, answer'd be different Jimmy: if I were there I wouldn't have asked the question Jimmy: don't have your way with words but I don't always need to Janis: you manage to get your point across still Jimmy: you don't always need to be a 🥇🧠📖 Jimmy: not subtle either, me Janis: I'm glad Janis: subtle is overrated Jimmy: Oi, put some 🎨 shit in for us, I'll paint you Janis: bet they all love titanic Janis: 💡 Jimmy: rich girls 💕🚢 Jimmy: and chucking the lower classes out of their 👀 Janis: bringing up the fit ones for 🎨 and 💦💦 Janis: still would let you drown soz xoxo Jimmy: I'd drown myself if the alternative is fucking any of that lot Janis: hard same Janis: much to Mia's 🎻💔 Jimmy: least I didn't slide into her DMs an' all Janis: you have checked Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: she'd have let every dickhead know by now if I had done Janis: oh yeah, true Janis: I'd have got that screenshot by now Jimmy: and you wouldn't be 🗨 to me Janis: if you drunkenly tried to fuck one of them? Janis: staging your intervention more like Jimmy: that weren't the plan with my ex either Janis: right Janis: rekindling that deeper connection you had then Jimmy: it was just Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: you don't need to tell me Jimmy: I'm not like that, alright Janis: like what Jimmy: that dickhead Jimmy: I thought this were over, I wanted to know how she did it Jimmy: just stopped giving a shit like that Janis: is that why you don't want to read her reply? Jimmy: I don't wanna read it 'cause whatever bollocks she said ain't gonna be no help to me Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: probably asked Ian, an' all, that'll be why he chucked us out Janis: oh, yeah, that probably did it Janis: sorry Jimmy: don't be, he ain't Janis: but it was my fault Jimmy: bollocks are you taking the blame like it weren't me an' all Jimmy: and I'm not bringing that shit up again to make you feel bad, I'm just trying to explain what I were doing 🗨 to her Janis: if I'd just stayed on the train Janis: not ruined it Jimmy: you haven't ruined nowt, we sorted it Janis: yeah Janis: but you can talk to your ex or anyone how you like Janis: without explaining it to me Janis: you know Jimmy: I don't wanna talk to anyone else, I told you, I like talking to you Janis: I just wanna talk to you too Jimmy: that's alright then Janis: it is? Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: I haven't done this before Jimmy: I'll teach you all the signs you need to be mute, it's fine Janis: 😏 Jimmy: and if you wanna talk to the 🐕 I won't tweet about what a massive cheating slag you are Jimmy: unless it's that one dickhead Janis: you know his name don't pretend Jimmy: oh please, I don't even know yours, babe Janis: 😱 = Olivier rn Jimmy: if he's at my 🏠 that'll be Twix's face an' all Janis: awh, dog date Jimmy: she's not having puppies with that 🐀 Janis: he couldn't reach Janis: let him hump her leg, loosen up Jimmy: just 'cause you're on one and SUCH a romantic Janis: knew you cared Janis: well protective, you Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'd be me who'd be stuck with 'em when they're too ugly to sell Janis: say they're some bullshit breed and all the gals will have one Jimmy: 💰💰💰 Jimmy: speaking of, have a crack at Ian's online banking before you piss off, tah very much Janis: you running away now? Jimmy: depends how you get on Janis: bit of an elaborate way to get your own back on me but Janis: respect it Jimmy: Am I meeting you at your nan's in a bit or what? Bill wants me on that ladder Janis: read that as meeting my nan, and no Janis: but yes to what you and Bill actually said Jimmy: I'll meet her on my own, tah, be a bit awkward if you're there an' all Janis: awkward when she smack you down, yeah Jimmy: that's the story we'll be giving you and your granddad Janis: you're disgusting and I hate you Jimmy: if nowt else I've killed the mood, you'll live Janis: I'm alone, I can be in whatever mood I like Janis: you're the one who needs to be 😇 Jimmy: they don't pay enough to make me be 😇 Janis: alright Janis: at least half paying attention Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 👻 manager will be buzzing Jimmy: he's too 💔 you've gone Jimmy: it's well #relatable Janis: wish he was the cute one Jimmy: bet he does an' all Janis: awh, Terry 😔 Jimmy: I wish he were the one that were gone Jimmy: could have you back then Janis: then wish every other customer would fuck off Jimmy: 🤞 goes without saying Janis: start a little fire? Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: if you share Jimmy: I don't reckon Alan fancies one but I'll ask Janis: Alan is definitely tee-total Janis: veggie, not vegan Jimmy: his missus'll be vegan and disappointed in him, that's what my 💰's on Janis: just LOVES milkly milky coffees Janis: can't quit Jimmy: that 🥛👨🏼 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: yeah, wish he'd leave Janis: so blatant Jimmy: just a lad with no fake girlfriend in sight Janis: you asked me to leave Jimmy: but Janis: but make time go faster Jimmy: it only does that bollocks when you don't want it to Janis: yeah Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: stop it, I'll 😭 Janis: no no Janis: got none left Jimmy: weird challenge but alright Janis: you're meant to be 😄 Jimmy: not if you're 🥺 Janis: just pretend it's cute pouting Jimmy: it's your face doing it Janis: is that an insult or a compliment Jimmy: it's that I don't have to pretend you look cute Janis: 😶 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: don't make me 😳 more dickhead Jimmy: alright yeah, you're still alone, that is a bit of a waste Janis: and it's rude Jimmy: I'll leave it out Janis: no Janis: I like it Janis: but I feel like a twat Jimmy: why? Janis: you make me so Janis: unsubtle Jimmy: we already said that weren't a bad thing Janis: it doesn't feel it when it's just us Jimmy: we don't have to go to this bollocks sleepover, you know Janis: I know Janis: but it would be good to do Janis: what do you think? Jimmy: I reckon we can get 💀👑 off the scale easy enough, it's always a piece of piss Jimmy: but there'll be loads more chances to do that without having to go to your house in the middle of nowt, if you don't want to Janis: let's do it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just weird Janis: with how we've fake acted Janis: and how we actually wanna Jimmy: yeah, but that bollocks has been doing our head in since day 1 Jimmy: nowt we can't handle Janis: 'course Jimmy: I meant what I said, we can bring the 🐕 to get the #s off us Janis: you have no idea how many 🐈s are about Jimmy: don't matter if they 💀💀💀 her, we'll find you another client Janis: you don't think we're going to have enough distractions as is? Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: she'll be 💔 when you leave though Janis: yeah, you'll have to do the hard work yourself, boy Janis: I've given her loads of attention Jimmy: I'm not 😱😱 of it, girl Jimmy: but well done for reading the rest of the room, Gracie excluded Janis: just saying, when you want a night off Janis: I'll give you that as well Jimmy: from them or you? Janis: whichever you want Jimmy: you're meant to say just from them if you're not 😱😱 of putting the work in either Janis: sounds like you want both when you bring it up Jimmy: it sounds like you want me to want both when you say bollocks like that Janis: alright, touche Janis: I meant from them, not me Jimmy: alright Janis: yeah? Janis: good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: what? Janis: is Nigel 👀 over your shoulder? Jimmy: do you want his attention? I can @ him, hang on Janis: duh Janis: bet he's a well good conversationalist Jimmy: that bollocking I had off him were 🔥🔥🔥 Janis: hot Janis: foreplay sorted Jimmy: from 🥶 to 🥵 Jimmy: how goals Janis: better not be calling me frgit Jimmy: nah, LITERALLY referring to my near 💀💀💀 experience, like Jimmy: #noteverythingisaboutyoubabes Janis: whoops Janis: awkward Jimmy: are you gonna tell me what you were 💭 or what? Janis: when? Jimmy: when you 🤔 @ me Janis: was thinking about Nigel Janis: or if you were actually alright, but I weren't going to ask again Jimmy: I'm 💔 that you keep banging on about Steve Janis: imagine if he was actually fit Jimmy: fuck that I need the tips Janis: I am purely in it for the tips Jimmy: 🎻 you're not fake dating Pete Janis: ??? whomst Jimmy: [a picture of him that Jimothy has awkwardly made him pose for] Jimmy: 🎸🤩 Janis: damn Janis: give me a good reference, tah Jimmy: I'll tell him ☕🍪🍪 Jimmy: see what he reckons Janis: yeah, vital info Janis: if he don't take it 2 sugars he'll have to learn how to Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he DON'T take sugar 😱 Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: is he diabetic or Janis: his teeth must be 😁 😍😍😍 Jimmy: he's scared of needles so 🤞 not Janis: he's adorable Jimmy: what kind of rock god Jimmy: 💰 on his mum or dad being a dentist Janis: 🤞 Janis: right, off you go then Janis: got a new schedule to memorize Jimmy: you never did this one, good luck, mate Janis: I will for Pete Jimmy: #savage Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: how long actually Jimmy: [a time which hopefully isn't that much longer now because he did go in early] Janis: 👏👏👏 Jimmy: is the 🐕 still 😱😱😱 like she were earlier? Janis: she's chilled out Janis: not fully, not a liar Jimmy: I'll 🗨 my sister to keep an eye on it Janis: she's had another 💩 break since her walk, so she'll be good for a while when I leave in a sec Jimmy: and they'll be back in a bit Janis: 👍 Janis: then I'll see you at my grandparents Jimmy: I'll have a 🌹 between my rotten 🦷🦷 Bill insists Jimmy: Dunno how I'm gonna say my lines Janis: you'll work out how to get a word in Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: #spitorswallow Jimmy: what could be more romantic? Jimmy: 🌹🩸😘 Janis: why you gotta give me that visual Jimmy: you know why Janis: but Janis: 🧛 Jimmy: I remember, it just feels like fucking ages Janis: I don't even know how long it actually has been but Janis: I said I miss you Janis: understatement Jimmy: hang on 🥇💡 Janis: ? Jimmy: your new boyfriend's gonna finish up here for me Janis: serious? Janis: that's why I have to 💘 Jimmy: don't make me have to smack him before I've covered for him next week, weren't the plan Janis: I'm not in his DMs yet, don't worry Jimmy: tah Janis: you have to be nice to him, so I 🤐 Jimmy: I'm leaving now, be nice to me Janis: I will be Janis: I couldn't be more ready to see you Jimmy: how long do we have until your fit nan comes back? Janis: she works late all the time Janis: we should have an hour or so easy Jimmy: then that pisstake of a 🚍 Janis: exactly Janis: might be a few people coming home but still Jimmy: I'll take a few dickheads over every 👀 going past the CG Janis: whoever wants can 👀 as long as they keep it shut, like Jimmy: Oi, I still have to get there Jimmy: don't 💀💀💀 me before I can Janis: okay Janis: keep it all in my 🧠 Jimmy: if I had better words for how much I've missed you, you could have them Janis: your words are good Janis: and lack of is okay too Janis: you'll show me Jimmy: I have to, I need you to know Janis: I want to know Janis: that you missed me too, just as much Jimmy: I'll make sure you do Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanna keep talking to you Janis: don't let me fuck it up again, yeah Jimmy: we'll not fuck it up together, alright? Jimmy: you stop me from being a twat and I'll stop you Janis: it's a deal Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: when you get here Jimmy: can you 👀 me from the closest we're getting to a balcony yet or what? Janis: hold on Janis: weren't prepared to look out wistfully Jimmy: might be a bit far, can't 🏃 and 🚬 Janis: it's like you want me to joke about your stamina Jimmy: do it now while you still can then Janis: love it when you threaten me with a good time, like Jimmy: can't promise nowt but 💅💄 in a bit so I reckon it's the least I can do to not make you wanna 🔪 yourself before we get there Janis: at least we can make all of them wanna 🔪 themselves with how #goals we are Jimmy: and 💀👑 'cause we're much better fake mates to have an' all Janis: of course Janis: even with the gross amounts of PDA they'll have to suffer Janis: lord knows what she makes 'em 👀👂 Jimmy: if we don't split 'em apart soon she'll be getting them involved next Janis: step 1 to a cult is 'free love' everyone knows Jimmy: don't drink nowt I don't give you tonight, like Janis: 👍 I took the best I could find but only wanna get that level 🥴 fucked up Jimmy: be alright, I'll protect you for once Janis: you've protected me loads Jimmy: I'm not asking for a list, I know I'm such a 🥇🏆💪 lad Janis: not just carrying me though Jimmy: right Janis: you're not a total dickhead Janis: shocking I know, but sincerely Jimmy: just a massive one, I know Jimmy: and that's your type anyway Janis: yeah Janis: but the good kind Janis: not 💀👑 type Janis: like that computer project when she was such a prick Janis: and you were decent Jimmy: I'll take that compliment Janis: have it Jimmy: I've been there, knobheads 🗨 bollocks about my family Jimmy: ones who know me and who don't Jimmy: she were out of order and she's only been more of a prick since Jimmy: no need to even like you to hate her Janis: she is that much of a delight Janis: not to be 'you get it' about it but yeah Jimmy: I don't want a night off til she takes one Janis: then I'm gonna do the most to make that happen Jimmy: I could just 💀💀💀 her tonight for you Janis: not how you're gonna 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: however you want, but if that's what you want I'll struggle a bit Janis: never ever Janis: not enough bleach to scrub you with/my eyes/my 🧠 Jimmy: you'd have to just fully dissolve me 💀🦷🦴🦷🦴 Janis: skeleton fake boyfriend, you say? Janis: hmm Jimmy: sounds like a 👻's piss poor sidekick Jimmy: don't fancy it Janis: 🥇 or nothing forever tbh Jimmy: right answer, that Janis: thank you, I'd take a bow but don't wanna go falling out my balcony Jimmy: Oi, don't be overshadowing my dramatic speech Jimmy: act 2, scene 2 Janis: if you'd hurry up and get here to start it, I wouldn't be stood here like a div waiting for you Janis: probably curtain twitchers thinking I'm robbing the place or something Jimmy: [appears and does recite it like a massive nerd obviously] Janis: [like when you don't wanna be impressed but you are 'cos boy, how and when, pop off, just loling and dramatically calling him up the ladder with the random bits of script she remembers] Jimmy: [just a casual bit of basically word perfect shakespeare as he's climbing up nbd, oh Jimothy ILY and kissing her when he's barely at the top, lowkey gonna fall off this ladder cos there's no chill] Janis: [telling him he's such a nerd between kisses but there's zero fronting when you want him this bad, get inside kids, hope the neighbours are watching like what in the world lol] Jimmy: [we know anything he tries to say in response isn't coming out as words so I'm impressed you can gal] Janis: [not gonna let you be cockblocked now though 'cos later with be a trial so have at it, live your best lives] Jimmy: [ngl won't let you be cockblocked later either because fuck the flatwhites and live your best lives always] Janis: [true tea but glad you are actually alone for once for this proper reunion 'cos gonna be so loud] Jimmy: [do need some actual privacy sometimes, exhibitionists though they are and probably will be on the longest bus ride ever] Janis: [just be finished before Tess is home or awkwarrrrrrrrd] Jimmy: [the dog(s) will warn you that she's coming back I'm sure] Janis: [don't wanna have that awkward 'just me' chat whilst he runs away, but am gonna make that happen for my own lols] Jimmy: [we gotta because yeah it's amusing, I hope you fitted a shower in too kids because gotta show up looking #goals so mia is devastated] Janis: [a moment too, you had enough time so I insist] Jimmy: [yeah it's always a #mood and you would] Janis: [now go get this bus from hell hohaha] Jimmy: [I'm cackling because all the lovebites you two would have once again, look away Tess and bus peeps] Janis: [just like nan don't you say anything, not got time for this beef lol] Jimmy: [Tess just like 👀] Janis: [lmao running from this house like cya never gal just sneaking into your spare room as I please] Jimmy: [we should say this bus is lowkey really full at least at first for the lols] Janis: [it is clearly clocking off time so real, even if they get off before your house in the middle of nowhere] Jimmy: [shameless excuse to only have one seat that we're all here for] Janis: [so #intoit] Jimmy: [just touching every lovebite of hers that he can can without it being indecent like okay all that really just happened, thank god] Janis: [turning her head as much as she can in that position to smile at him and touch a lovebite on him herself] Jimmy: [kissing her cos she cute af] Janis: [turning her whole self fully so she's still in his lap but facing him so they can have a makeout moment] Jimmy: [love that for you] Janis: [at least whoever is sat next to you can be offended enough you can't keep going] Jimmy: [someone sick of their office job 9-5 we 👀 you gutted that you're not a teen in love] Janis: [soz you're old and bitter we aren't soz though] Jimmy: [good excuse to teach her some more shady sign language though thanks] Janis: [need that] Jimmy: [you can use it when the gals are doing your head in later] Janis: [it's a good code for get me out of here etc whenever y'all need it] Jimmy: [yeah cos as much as I LOVE when you write on her jimothy it would be hard to decode depending what you say so you can't always and you could literally do this from across a room if you need to] Janis: [all the codes honey, lord knows you need it when these gals are testing you] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [drawing a thumbs up and question mark on him now 'cos why not honey] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling because she did your thing to you and also you actually are happy rn so well done for answering a question babe] Janis: [gotta look away and grin because he's so cute] Jimmy: [doing their feelsy lean thing as a way of asking her if she's alright too even though you know the answer really you just wanna] Janis: [nudging him back like stop killing me] Jimmy: [just playing with her hair in a soft way like I dunno what you could possibly mean 😇 but we all know enough time has not passed yet since he would have been doing it not in a soft way when they were hooking up] Janis: [lil grumpy face like boy and mouthing 'don't start' 'cos we know you don't need an excuse to be extra rn] Jimmy: [running his thumb over her pouty little bottom lip because we love annoying the bae and the annoying person next to us] Janis: [taking that thumb into your mouth like you aren't in public 'cos fuck everyone on this bus lmao] Jimmy: [regrets he has a few, he doesn't at all really but he is dying now obvs] Janis: [we're 😏] Jimmy: [gotta wipe that smirk off her face with your own saucy behaviour not soz bus peeps so get that earlobe boy] Janis: [#shooketh noise, then whispering in his 'now who's the vampire?'] Jimmy: [touches a particularly epic lovebite she's given him and then looks at her like I reckon it's still you] Janis: [looking at it like hmm 'well, you earnt it' and then a LOOK] Jimmy: [giving her a LOOK back because always and then writing 'you' over a particularly epic love bite he gave her like you earnt yours too gal] Janis: [shivers] Jimmy: [we're kissing, deal with it everyone] Janis: [we know how this is, not concerned whatever you might say/tut people soz] Jimmy: [we're barely aware that any of y'all are here rn so] Janis: [rinse and repeat getting worse as more people leave 'cos duh] Jimmy: [we know what the vibe is] Janis: [gotta brace yourself for going into this storm/house] Jimmy: [we can skip to that if you want] Janis: [go for it] Jimmy: [have fun crashing this fun fest lads] Janis: [gonna say Ali is there too for the sheer awks lol] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [sorry gal your extra mother is here to say bonjour] Jimmy: [I'll give you a break and say Billie isn't there rn so it's not a literal full house] Janis: [yeah, be very rude to do a full meet the family moment lmao] Jimmy: [I won't make you have to have a convo about why she's paralysed at this precise moment] Janis: [so many convos we don't need to have yet, being so off with your mum lowkey is a bit weird enough Jimmy: [Jimothy would look like such a rude hoe because he's uncomfortable around mums, this is why the fam think you're a bad boy though sir when you actually the softest ever] Janis: [we leaving that convo as fast as we can soz Ali] Jimmy: [not a good first impression but not as bad as it could've gone if you hadn't even had that and then just walked in on something or whatever lol] Janis: [she'll live, gonna have to go to your room 'cos gotta get the 😒 out before being your fake self] Jimmy: [gotta bring it if you wanna steal the flatwhites from mia you can't be going in before you're ready] Janis: [in this bare room like woo] Jimmy: [he's noticed but he's not gonna be a dick about it because now is not the time] Janis: ['nightmare, right?' from lying down on her bed 'cos what he said about fit ones earlier] Jimmy: ['not as much of one as you' because just gotta tell her she's the most beautiful ever but in the least feelsy way possible] Janis: [throwing a pillow] Jimmy: [chucks it back at her obvs] Janis: [sitting up like excuse me] Jimmy: [comes and sits next to her because he wasn't before] Janis: [cue hearing them giggling or some shit from the other room like oh god] Jimmy: [🙄 and signs something shady about them like let's go fully deaf rn tbh] Janis: [does something back but gets it slightly wrong 'cos you know] Jimmy: [just corrects her like gimme your hand gal, and shows her how to do it because any chance to touch her we're always taking] Janis: ['how do I tell them to do one without it being obvious?' all the hand gestures] Jimmy: [a little lol but spells out some insults letter by letter because takes longer but they won't have a clue that way] Janis: [practising to kill time and stay alone] Jimmy: [eventually doing the 👍? drawing on her like she did on the bus for that nice parallel because she knew he was then and this time he knows she's not] Janis: [getting up in response like of course 'let's do this then' and holding out your hand like come on] Jimmy: [taking that hand and using it to pull her into a hug because he knows gal and he's not loving the idea of leaving this room either so] Janis: ['not got time' but nudging him to let him know you're only joking about his one-track mind now] Jimmy: [dramatically shhing her as if the flatwhites are gonna hear her turning him down and realise they've been duped but we're likewise only joking] Janis: [rolls her eyes but obvs at the thought of them 'do them good to hear what a no is'] Jimmy: [a grimace because true and also true of his ex which is something we don't wanna dwell on 'I get it, that's your ultimate goal' like okay we're gonna reprogram the cult that way are we] Janis: [shrugs 'just want the pleasure of pulling the trigger myself, like you said'] Jimmy: [shrugs back but also moves away like he's leaving room for Jesus or something with a lil nod like there you go] Janis: [raises a brow like ? but doesn't say anything 'cos thinking 'what's our excuse for bursting in on 'em?'] Jimmy: ['do we need one? sounds like a right laugh in there' oh the sarcasm and bants] Janis: ['yeah, be that as it may, you're meant to wanna be in here alone with me, dickhead-' then puts her finger up like aha 💡 and drags him like let's go] Jimmy: [is about to say that that's what he does want but then she gets her brainwave so that spares him and obvs we're just being dragged along] Janis: [gonna WELL SUBTLY imply you've run out of condoms and do any of you gals have some, soz bit embarrassing boy but you know also a #flex, then you can just be like ooh what you up to like you care lol] Jimmy: [Grace just going to her drawer where she keeps all her hoe shit like I got you gal while Mia and Ella are appalled as if they aren't even bigger hoes and Asia not getting the 'subtlety' so Hollie is explaining like] Janis: [having to pretend you're embarrassed to endear yourself to 'em like full 🙈 but trying not to lose it at how mad #1 & #2 are and how stupid Asia is, like don#t catch the baes eye rn] Jimmy: [at least trying not to lol and pretending you are embarrassed look pretty similar thank god, and then you can do her nails boy because that's blatantly what they were doing but it's more #goals that you want to and will do a good job] Janis: [I vote toenails 'cos it's already a bizarrely intimate task actually so would be 😳 by the end of it] Jimmy: [and then he can be like do you want anything to drink or any of the snacks because she won't be able to move til they are dry- Grace blatantly would have smudged hers already because of her willingness to help Janis at any point and because she's a clumsy bitch so Mia is already annoyed- as a way to let the gals know they have both of these things so Mia will be angrier] Janis: [just like bring 'em all, we'll share, let's party lollololol] Jimmy: [he obvs does and obvs kissing her like he's been gone for a thousand years when it was like a sec purely for the gals not because he's that extra oh no] Janis: [we just really out here reminding everyone we came for condoms pop off kids] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Hollie immediately going for the snacks because she's so done with Mia's shit at this point] Janis: [get yours gal, we're drinking, of course] Jimmy: [very necessary in order to stay sane and coupley sharing is an added bonus] Janis: [painting your nails boy so next time there's chance to go you cannot take it lol] Jimmy: [but are you doing black or are you doing a silly colour] Janis: [you're lucky it isn't some shade of beige tbh, go black though] Jimmy: [latte coloured lol] Janis: [Hollie would've brought some black, edgy hoe] Jimmy: [she absolutely would, all the colours too, fuck you gals] Janis: [live a little huns] Jimmy: [Oh yeah when she painted his nails before Grace put it on her stories so they don't even have to do the work so that's a yes from me] Jimmy: [and Mia suggested a game like never have I ever to try and show Janis up because of course she did but they turned it around and made it couple goals because 1. they can answer for each other like lol we know each other so well now bye and 2. and Mia would be fuming cos her and Pablo are not and what are you gonna do gal facetime him, I don't think so] Janis: [good thinking, and we've got a bottle so all the games can come out now, honestly is Pablo even still about babes, so salty] Jimmy: [all the gals have to drink now and you can't say shit hun, also Grace got upset about it in the OG because her love life is a shambles but in this instance could be about Pablo cos Mia's shown she's that bitch and Jimothy was like go after her before anyone else can because nothing would annoy Mia more] Janis: [just getting Ella to ask really graphic and specific ones she clearly knows Mia has done so they all have to think about that 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: [how gross and how legit for exactly what she would do] Janis: [off you pop then gals, trying not to vom about that, have you no shame Mia] Janis: stay safe, don't let them 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: I'll drink the nail polish remover before I let these lasses near me Janis: loyal to the end 💘 Janis: what is 🍾 if not one step up from acetone so Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: be why Asia's asking me how to make some lad more #goals before she cracks onto him Janis: 🙄 Janis: just don't let slip about your entirely fake personality Jimmy: be in good company if I did do Janis: no, she's really that thick Jimmy: reckon I should warn him? @ [this lad's real socials whatever they are because of course she's shown him as if he would know the kid or ever talks to anyone] Janis: well he is your best mate Janis: nah, looks like a dickhead, can probably handle himself Jimmy: sure you don't want him for yourself then? Janis: so she can have you Janis: not a wife swap I'm interested in Jimmy: so you can have a bigger dickhead and she can eat her feelings Janis: is she? Jimmy: she would be if she were 💔 over you taking her lad Janis: I'll do my best to casually drop that into the conversation Janis: you look the other way, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we're making popcorn Janis: the empty calories, the horror Jimmy: the real 😱😱 will be when one of 'em tries to hold my hand as I go to grab some of that 🍿 Jimmy: you're gonna have to chuck it at me Janis: ugh Janis: are you gonna be 💪🏆 enough? Jimmy: depends Jimmy: are we gonna have to watch some bollocks film an' all? Janis: what sleepover would be complete without a chick-flick? Jimmy: UGH Janis: don't ugh at me so agressively Janis: I'm sure they'll let you pick and be 😍 when you get it right Jimmy: Titanic, I remember Janis: you know how long that film is Janis: do you wanna be bored to death or what Jimmy: weren't planning to watch it, but alright, if you're sticking to yours of teaching 'em to say no I'll pick something else Janis: obviously the plan isn't to ignore you for the duration Jimmy: you'd be fucked if it were Janis: really Janis: you think you're that irresistible, yeah? Jimmy: it ain't about what I think Jimmy: your 🧠 been on the one track all day, Jasmine Janis: you reckon I can't? Jimmy: it don't matter, you can't accept the challenge around them and keep things #goals Janis: well I can Janis: don't have to let you finger fuck me or return the favour Jimmy: such a romantic, you Jimmy: go on then, resist me Janis: well, what else does watch a movie mean if we're not watching it Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: never said you were on the wrong track Janis: won't be hard Janis: Mia's chat hasn't put me in the mood Jimmy: chuffed to hear you aren't raring to go after all that bollocks Janis: not as 😭 as gracie but that's nothing new Jimmy: I'll stick the 🎻🎵 on for her Janis: Titanic'll do then, you were rigt Janis: right* Jimmy: can't help having 🥇💡 me Janis: what else would you fill that giant head with Jimmy: 🚬 smoke Jimmy: you coming? Janis: alright Janis: come down and bring the bowls up 🍿 so she don't wanna come with Jimmy: [does] Janis: [go outside to your lil porch moment] Jimmy: [we all know you already need the break lads] Janis: [pretending we aren't arsed but no one needs to hear it, like] Jimmy: [Jimothy just having a 🚬 and whistling a bit of Celine Dion like a nerd] Janis: [trying to shoot him a can you not look but can't not lol a bit] Jimmy: [changes his whistle to the funeral march cos they wanna die] Janis: [shakes her head 'cheery'] Jimmy: [chucks his lighter at her so she can wave it like they do at concerts 'go on then, request something'] Janis: [for some reason lowkey panics like idk, why have you sprung this on me 'do one of your favourites'] Jimmy: [does one of the shit songs they'd play at the CG on a loop so she'd have heard it there for the pisstake] Janis: ['sounds about right' like you #basic] Jimmy: [chucks something at her like an outdoor cushion or whatever like oi because it's been so long since they've had a playfight] Janis: [getting one of your own to whack him with 'why don't you do one of Pete's?'] Jimmy: [is so lowkey 😒 but hides it by pretending that he's so 💔 he doesn't know all of Pete's songs off by heart and getting up his band page to play some bops] Janis: [OTT 😍 'he's SO talented' like she doesn't even know what instrument he is or if he's singing lol] Jimmy: [😒 af but we're forever in the #bants so we gotta leave a 👍 as a comment for these lads] Janis: [snatching his phone like you're gonna comment yourself but just being nosy with it] Jimmy: [smoke rings because we're so jealous but we gotta pretend it's chill] Janis: [oh Pete, just on his socials now 'this his girlfriend?' in a OMG you could've told me/I'm devastated kinda way] Jimmy: [shrugs without even looking because he genuinely doesn't know much about Pete yet cos he's an antisocial hoe and I doubt Pete's chatting up a storm to most of his coworkers at the CG either tbh] Janis: [tuts like honestly but puts the phone down 'cos over the #bants as he's not biting, 'let me look at your nails' an excuse for closeness to inspect like you better not have smudged 'em, boy] Jimmy: [raises an eyebrow like really but obvs does let her] Janis: ['nail art is my passion' so serious proper inspecting every finger, putting his thumb to her lips for the bus mems and looking at him like hey] Jimmy: [can't even be in a sulk anymore because the bae is just your fave, touching her hair for the bus and everything that happened before mems] Janis: [holding your breath and closing your eyes 'cos #overwhelmed] Jimmy: [very soft kiss on her forehead because he's that cute nerd] Janis: [breathing out, 'do I have to ignore you?'] Jimmy: [kissing her properly but still soft so she can decide if she's gonna kiss him back or not like up to you gal] Janis: [obviously does] Jimmy: [just having a nice little makeout moment] Janis: ['you're gonna miss the popcorn'] Jimmy: ['subtle hint' like oh do you want some popcorn do you babe] Janis: [pushes him, gently lol, 'was you buzzin' off the handholding'] Jimmy: [holds her hand like well I'm alright now then aren't I] Janis: [pulls away like eww 😏 'not as sweaty as Tammy though, come on'] Jimmy: ['my nails are more goals an' all' 😏 we going in though] Janis: ['mine are the best though'] Jimmy: ['still gotta crack on with my masterpiece though, remind us in a bit'] Janis: ['I'll do something inspiring to make you remember'] Jimmy: [I vote Mia should have picked and started a film in the living room already cos she's a rude hoe so they should go sit next to her to annoy her like budge up Ella you fat bitch] Janis: [the realest lmao] Jimmy: [everyone is on their phones already so bored] Janis: [the film will be next level crap obvs, doubt she even likes it, just loud whispering about everything from the plot to the popcorn] Jimmy: [jimothy just asking Grace to get the face masks out at a normal volume because she obvs will] Janis: [shushing him like omg] Jimmy: [shading Mia by SUBTLY implying she won't mind because she needs one] Janis: [talking about some skincare she definitely don't need like omg lifesaver babe trust me] Jimmy: [just touching her face lovingly and giving it the OTT heart eyes like yeah it's clearly working for the bae] Janis: [just going on about his perfect face and how lucky he is not to need nothing like where's the lie] Jimmy: [being all like this is why I wanna do a facemask can you BELIEVE I have never gals] Janis: [fully biting our cheeks not to lol rn like oh boy] Jimmy: [Grace buzzing she can leave to go get everyone a mask like thanks babes] Janis: [definitely make them take a lovely unflattering mask selfie lol[ Jimmy: [and loads of cute coupley ones of you two cos we know you still look great] Janis: [just those bitches we been knew] Jimmy: [gotta 'accidentally' chuck his at Ella cos hate you two gal because it's slimy and gross and he's not about it, like oh soz totally weren't aiming for you but you're close to the bin there gal] Janis: [we know she's gonna be seething, if she weren't so weak would definitely brawl you alas, at least you can go off to the bathroom to wash it off him as he's so offended by it and be extra in the process] Jimmy: [I like to imagine that her horrified reaction 'accidentally' made it into the tik tok Hollie was making so she's extra raging, jimothy just like gotta go before this shit fetches my freckles off bye] Jimmy: [god bless that downstairs bathroom so you can leave the door open the whole time, hope there's some popcorn left for that show ladies] Janis: [I hope you're out now Alison, probably 'cos can't stand Mia and Ella] Jimmy: [we know you'd still have an epic social life it's fine] Janis: [just taking your opportunity to pretend you're giggling at whatever he's doing to you 'cos not over Ella's face lol] Jimmy: [and tbf he is lowkey gonna have a water fight with you splashing up a storm because that bitch, don't die Billie when you eventually get back] Janis: [thank god it's likely a wet room sitch so we aren't going to kill her lol, also no hiding how soaked you are in your tiny PJs jussayin] Jimmy: [not saying he had those motives but we're not mad it happened though the gals will be when you give her something of yours to wear] Janis: [may as well make this performance as real as possible] Jimmy: [so gutted you've missed half this film by now I'm sure] Janis: [hear how devvo we are gals lol] Jimmy: [nothing makes me happier than how raging those two are and like JJ have barely had to do anything] Janis: [Grace just turning the volume up 'cos clearly won't leave no matter how pissed off we are like we're watching this film] Jimmy: [Grace babe you need to leave this friendship group] Janis: [coming back in like you're shook they're there like you totally forgot what you were even doing before] Jimmy: [give them both an oscar asap] Janis: [uploading your #content and an excuse to be on your phone for a sec] Janis: have you thought of anything you wanna do after Jimmy: Is that another one of your subtle hints or what? Janis: what am I hinting? Jimmy: might be you want me to decide or you already have done and you wanna tell me your 🥇💡 Janis: or I'm just asking Janis: 'cos I wanna know Jimmy: been a bit busy making 💀👑 bloody 🤬 but when we get her to 🤯 I'll have a 💭 Janis: don't act like I've done nothing Jimmy: never said that Janis: you implied it Jimmy: I said we Janis: oh Jimmy: what's up? Janis: just misread it Jimmy: you're alright then? Janis: aren't you? Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: what's wrong? Jimmy: we're in a ⚫️ of bollocks here now, you ain't even answered the question you're just re-asking it Janis: I'm fine, you're the one who brought it up Jimmy: 👍 Janis: good talk Jimmy: can't all be poetry, mate Janis: 💔 I'm sure Jimmy: there'll be a 🎻 playing in a bit, I'm sure Janis: sure 💀#2 is 🥇 string, mate Jimmy: she'd be smashing us over the head with it if she could lift it off the floor Janis: you did silence of the lambs her Jimmy: TOTAL accident that Janis: mm yeah Jimmy: like how wet you are Janis: excuse me Jimmy: you heard Janis: VERY deliberate, you mean Jimmy: don't sound like me or something I would do, girl Janis: look, if you don't wanna take responsibility for making me wet, we can find someone else to take the blame, I'm sure Jimmy: won't be this film though Janis: 🙄 Janis: seriously Jimmy: you wanna go do LITERALLY owt else? Janis: thought you'd never ask Jimmy: come on then Janis: [dramatically sighs and snuggles down into his lap hardcore like, oh, I'm SO sleepy, please take me to bed immediately] Jimmy: [picks her up and carries her away even though there's no need] Janis: [throwing a 'enjoy your evening' over his shoulder as a total afterthought 'cos obvs so 😍 when you are out of sight though, actual face like freedom at last] Jimmy: [could put her down when you're out of sight but doesn't] Janis: [we thinking see, you love it, but we're not saying it] Jimmy: [he knows so he pretends he's gonna drop her but doesn't do that either obvs] Janis: [at least the 'don't you dare!' can sound goals if you aren't totally out of earshot/they're stalking you up the stairs lmao] Jimmy: [okay so my 🎨 idea I randomly had was like he's pissing about tickling her and 'drawing on her' with a clean paintbrush but there's no way she can work out what he's actually drawing so then he does one of those pinterest basic bitch paintings on her back actually but to make it the least cringe we can because never just for the #fans it's the fish tank from that™ romeo and juliet scene they talked about] Janis: [I LOVE THAT you clever nugget, need that, lowkey actually so impressed with his talent™] Jimmy: [nice throwback to when Ali was always painting on Carly so it made my heart happy and I thought cooler than just drawing her because he said lemme paint you not lemme paint a picture of you and he'd have to take a pic so she could see it properly so that's #content] Jimmy: [AND they'd have to wash it off eventually so that's a bath moment we can still have because I didn't get #bathgate] Janis: [and it must happen] Jimmy: [how intimate is washing something else's back though goodbye] Janis: [we're really having all the moments today] Jimmy: [like if you don't wash her hair for her too who are you boy] Janis: [is this day 1 of being friends again, why you so extraaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [they're 15, that's all we need to say] Janis: [cue tayswizzle] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's not in the bath he's outside of it like that Effy scene and the big brother/dad that he is] Janis: [somehow way more intimate, like would you like to get in boy] Jimmy: [right? we're really doing something today] Janis: [feels get us through without a freakout] Jimmy: [likewise, we're so shook to actually have the bae back that nothing is fully hitting us yet] Janis: [that's the tea on today baby] Jimmy: [is there anything else we wanna happen or is the vibe that they're gonna hook up til they legit do fall asleep?] Janis: [probably that, like they can go piss about outside in the barn like we said but it'll just be more cute] Jimmy: [a lot has happened today feels wise so if you wanna post this I am down]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [AM of last day, after getting bollocked by Mr. Lucas for all the shenanigans they pulled in his room on his tings, 'cos he probably would've separated them, put them on different jobs or whatever] Janis: This is what we get for trying to help him with his fashion choices Jimmy: ungrateful knobhead, him Jimmy: soz you don't look 🥇 in green, sir Jimmy: get your own fake missus Janis: worked out so well the first time... 💍💔 Jimmy: 💰 on there being loads of Russian virgins in his area who wanna 🗨 Janis: when he's done 🤤💦 on his keyboard, Gracie can scalp them and make a new weave Janis: we all win Janis: personally 🥳 to spend that much time with him, like Jimmy: 👏🏆 Jimmy: me an' all, you I can take or leave, obvs Janis: I can epically dump you in front of his own 👀 Janis: win him back and all, bloody love that Jimmy: then when he rings my dad to relay this bollocking and owt else that takes his fancy they can get a bromance going and go for a 🍻 to slag me off Jimmy: chuffed to bits Jimmy: I'll have loads of time to crack onto them virgins myself Janis: LOVE that for them Janis: less about you being that sort of boy tbh, but we can try to work it into the storyline Jimmy: we can keep it between us, it's alright Janis: keep it between you and the Russian virgins, weirdo Jimmy: there ain't gonna be nowt between me and them Jimmy: no need to 💍💔 like our BFF Janis: not even a hymen Janis: romantic that Janis: put it in 🎶🎨📸🖋 boy Jimmy: no can do Jimmy: only got the one muse Janis: s'a insta caption if I ever heard one 💘 Jimmy: keep it in my back pocket for the next 🌧 day then Janis: yeah Janis: if we still need it then, plenty of time to 🗭 when you're meant to be writing lines instead, like Jimmy: where do you 🗭 you live, girl? It'll probably be 🌧 before we even get back Janis: always look on the ⛅ me Janis: just the positive person I am Jimmy: said before you're my ray of ☀ Janis: if I realized there would be a test, I would've studied, babe Janis: love a 🤓 moment, you Jimmy: piss off do I Jimmy: love nerd flirting with me, you Janis: maybe Janis: only 'cos it 😤 😠 😡 🤬 Mia so much Jimmy: wonder how that lad's feeling, if he can feel owt Janis: if it's anything like itchiness and stinging when he pisses, better get him home sooner rather than later Jimmy: really restored my faith in romance, that Jimmy: might have to try and 🎨📸🖋 any road Janis: not a subtle hint either, by the way Jimmy: what? Janis: never mind Jimmy: go on Janis: just saying not telling you you need to go get your dick swabbed, or whatever Janis: joking, obvs Jimmy: funny Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: not riddled with owt either in case you were waiting for that punchline an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: weren't, but always good to know these things Jimmy: there you go then Janis: genuinely ain't seen him today though so Janis: welfare check ain't far from the truth Jimmy: She'll have got 💀#2 and the rest to help her hide the body by now Janis: be hell to pay if they've messed up the turf here Janis: not taking the blame for that one, like Janis: got a 😇 rep to protect Jimmy: Oi, do it for the reconciliation with your true love Jimmy: full term ain't gonna be enough when it's that #deepandmeaningful Janis: I can think of plenty of ways to stay in trouble and he can think of even more punishments Janis: just that 😍😍 Jimmy: I get that you're fated, don't need to rub it in Jimmy: here I were reckoning we were the starcrossed ones but its been you and him all along Jimmy: 😭🎻💔 Janis: be such a good plotline if he were actually fit Janis: make the best of it but 🤢🤢 Jimmy: soz mate I can't talk to you for a bit Jimmy: that gutted I am Janis: piss poor excuse but alright Jimmy: how is our 💕 being a sham a piss poor excuse? bit rude Janis: you should be over the 🌙 Janis: what it's meant to be, we're #killingit Jimmy: you're killing me Janis: you 💘 that too Janis: so good to you Jimmy: that'll be why I wanna keep hold of you Jimmy: but alright, you can stop begging I'll fight him Janis: he's spoiling for it, like Janis: thought he might actually bust a blood vessel earlier Jimmy: ⚔️ Jimmy: Bill's 👻 will be dead proud Janis: make two of us #boydonegood Jimmy: you were rooting for him a bit ago Jimmy: #fakefan Janis: keep you on your toes Janis: or him Janis: adds to the mystique, yeah Jimmy: I'm 🥇🥊 and you're well fit and mysterious, save it Janis: 😏🤔 hang on Jimmy: ? Janis: not sure if we're yet at that #goals level of co-dependent where our personalities are interchangeable Jimmy: better hang about for a bit then Janis: gotta go home Janis: 😭🎻💔😭🎻💔 Jimmy: we've got all day that's loads of time Jimmy: chin up ☀ Janis: true Janis: gotta go out with a 💥 Jimmy: Started already with how optimistic I were there Jimmy: we'll do it piss easy Jimmy: no dickhead'll know who's who and who 🗭 what Janis: we LOVE morphing into one person! Jimmy: that's the spirit Jimmy: 👻 girl Janis: vampire boy Jimmy: fuck me, that ain't the one Jimmy: been pissed all over Janis: just can't let being 😎 go, can you Jimmy: you can't let me either, babe, it's #ultimategoals Janis: think of a new, better nickname then, brb Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [some kind of generator moment] Janis: what's grabbing ya? Jimmy: What kind of grab is it meant to be? Janis: something that screams YOU Janis: and #ultimategoals naturally Jimmy: 😏🤔 Janis: UGH, BABE Janis: so picky, omg 🤭 Jimmy: Baby, I'm sorry Jimmy: I just want it to be perfect Janis: YOU'RE perfect Jimmy: You Janis: think they'll let us work together today Jimmy: can't stop us, your ankle ain't healed itself in the night Janis: and what is a top boyfriend if not a glorified crutch Jimmy: when he's as 💪🏆 as me it ain't even a job, just comes that natural Janis: write that on the review Jimmy: Alright Janis: might count as a reference Janis: wouldn't you just LOVE to work here Jimmy: 🚫☕😱😱 Jimmy: #whoamI? Janis: it's like your whole personality is just...gone?? Janis: 😬 Jimmy: that apron is my WHOLE identity Jimmy: can't even 👀 me now 👻💔 Janis: 🤚 💘 ✋ Jimmy: you need to come here I'm FREAKING OUT!! Janis: alright Janis: hold tight Jimmy: can't, I'm just a floating pair of shades Janis: float towards me then Jimmy: [does, soz not soz Mr Lucas] Janis: [being extra checking he's still here] Jimmy: [being extra too like can you feel this] Janis: [😳 to make it clear you do] Jimmy: [taking the deepest breath ever like oh I'm so relieved but really we just gotta calm down whenever we see the bae] Janis: [when you slept together and slept together before being rudely awoken by Mr Lucas so we all need moments] Jimmy: [how dare you sir, but we just holding her like I gotta so I don't float away and disappear so you can't ruin it bye] Janis: [snuggling him like I got you] Jimmy: [brb having emotions me and Jimothy both because he's just thinking this will be over after today hence not letting go] Janis: [we're all gutted and tryna pretend we ain't] Jimmy: [don't cry though boy there's no styling that out] Janis: [I think that some popular kid should invite them to a party that's like, soon as they get back today or whatever so it's like prolonging this day but they still think that'll be it but then they slay that party obvs so then they end up doing all they do in the hols] Jimmy: [I love that and it makes perfect sense] Janis: 😎😎 #confirmed Jimmy: THANK GOD Jimmy: touch and go for a bit there, weren't it? Janis: 🥣 Janis: juuuuuuust right, goldilocks Jimmy: Oi it's daddy 🐻 or nowt Janis: [😂] Janis: not 💀👑 Janis: can't sign off on that Jimmy: [IRL pout] Jimmy: 💔 Janis: what about baby 🐻 Janis: compromise Jimmy: [🖋 in the air like he's signing off on it] Janis: [👍] Jimmy: have we earned a fucking break yet or what? Jimmy: takes the piss, this Janis: 🚬🚬 Janis: reckon so Janis: [getting up even if we gotta lie about a pissbreak or whatever] Jimmy: [likewise because no fucks given at this point or ever like I gotta give her a hand she can't walk if anyone cares] Janis: [big sigh like thank god] Jimmy: [we outta here for however long we can get away with suck it sir] Janis: [take that break lads] Jimmy: [gotta sit down purely so he can put her ankle up on his leg cos gotta elevate that] Janis: ['how's it looking, less fat?'] Jimmy: [little lol but 👀ing at it 'how's it feel, any less of a ball ache?'] Janis: [nods 'like it never happened' not quite but you know] Jimmy: ['I can finally sign off of nursing you back to health then' when you keep thinking about the end of this but emphasis on finally like thank fuck] Janis: ['mission accomplished' like everyone is so 😍 for it and that's the only reason you did] Jimmy: ['post us my award when you get chance, nowt to rush over' with a shrug] Janis: ['got to make it first'] Jimmy: [gives her a look like there we are merging again cos he's an art hoe] Janis: [little 😏 'wait 'til you see it, like'] Jimmy: ['can't' cos so excited clearly] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['what are you gonna do when you get out then?' taking a drag on that 🚬] Jimmy: ['the question were meant to be what are you in for' and likewise] Janis: [look like, if you feel like answering that, go ahead] Jimmy: [a look in the direction of wherever they saw Mr Lucas last like there's that answer] Janis: [rolls eyes in said direction 'same'] Jimmy: [an exaggerated what can you do? gesture] Janis: [finger gun in her mouth like pow] Jimmy: [😍 and 💔 mime before doing his own finger gun against his head] Janis: [miming waking up miraculously like whoopsie] Jimmy: [playing dead dramatically] Janis: [moving closer to shake him like noooooo] Jimmy: [playing even deader give him an oscar tbh] Janis: [fake slapping him across the face in that dramatic way they do] Jimmy: ['I get it, you're going for the oscar' but said as he still lies in his dead position] Janis: ['nah, just really wanna slap ya' but we're cradling his head in our lap] Jimmy: [looking up at her 'go on then'] Janis: [pushes his face away like no] Jimmy: [gets up like alright, suit yourself] Janis: [awkward silence] Jimmy: [we just 🚬] Janis: [checking the DMs etc] Jimmy: [checking in with Cass and to see if Ian's kicking off yet] Janis: [hold on sir, they back soon] Jimmy: [thank god they're going straight to that party] Janis: [lol soz about it] Jimmy: [lol not soz about it] Janis: [can potentially skip to bus home it's up to you/if you have any ideas for before they leave?] Jimmy: [I feel like we should do a final activity they can slay as a team/duo because haven't been able to since day 1 and that's rude] Janis: [I vibe, potentially should have a flat white on the team too though] Jimmy: [let's have Ella because she'd be devastated] Janis: [so much deadweight on this team, have to actually swag it despite your real injury] Jimmy: [that was my thought, cos maybe another random girl who's also useless for different reasons] Janis: [pop off lads carry team to undeserved victory] Jimmy: [love that for you, happy nerds] Janis: [now go pack your things] Jimmy: 🏆🥇💪💕 Jimmy: well impressive, you Janis: 🤤😍 genuine ✔ Jimmy: Oi, take my genuine compliment, dickhead Janis: let me be genuinely grateful how I wanna be, boy Janis: maybe I got you a prize for being 🏆🥇💪 yourself Jimmy: Soz girl, didn't realise you had Ben in there helping you pack Jimmy: come find me for the #🎁reveal in a bit Jimmy: 🤞 he ain't it Janis: well, rude and ungrateful Janis: poor Ben just wants a fond sexual experience to look back on to avoid the PTSD Jimmy: him and that lad Mia killed, they'll have to couple up Janis: in therapy, maybe Janis: have to wait 'til the bus now Janis: back to the drawing board 😤 Jimmy: I said soz Janis: 😏 Janis: sincere Jimmy: I know Jimmy: right from my 💘 that Janis: as is my gift Jimmy: 👍 Janis: better react more than that Jimmy: make me, Juliet Janis: not giving you a fake handjob under the hoodie Janis: classier than that, ty Jimmy: don't sound goals enough Jimmy: it were you who said go out with a 💥 not a 💦 Janis: exactly Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: be alright, no need to impress me, just the #fans Jimmy: piss easy that Janis: no need maybe Janis: want, obviously Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: so real Jimmy: as real as you want Janis: depends Jimmy: on what? Janis: you seen 💀👑 & #2 leave their room yet? Jimmy: haven't been 👀 Janis: we could say goodbye to their room, like Janis: if they have Jimmy: hang on Janis: 👍 Jimmy: they're in Asia's, should've guessed she can't pack by herself Jimmy: be like getting a hyper kid to do it Janis: can't have her leaving behind her toothbrush Janis: essential in every way Janis: you wanna then? Jimmy: do you wanna? Janis: was my idea Jimmy: so come on Janis: [meet there kids] Jimmy: [what a good idea and a #mood boo] Janis: [when it's not even the place you are first meant to have hooked up, but the actual, so we all know what you're saying there gal] Jimmy: [checking under Mia's pillow to see if those pills are still there in case the bae needs them] Janis: ['toothfairy?' 😏 'probably fit to crumble out soon'] Jimmy: [exaggerated shudder that's not that exaggerated because Mia is that gross and we're tucking the pills back in her pocket for that intimate moment ™] Janis: [just looking down at said pocket] Jimmy: [looking at her like ? cos you think she doesn't want them/is offended] Janis: [shaking her head like never mind] Jimmy: ['what?' cos we're not letting it drop] Janis: [shushing him and hopping on that bed like, what we're here for] Jimmy: [getting on the bed too but still lowkey like are you mad at me thoooooo] Janis: [waiting for him to make the first move, 'cos he's either gonna just do it or 📸 out] Jimmy: [does not get his 📸 out and kisses her anyway] Janis: [live your best life lads, though you should be stopped by one of them coming back 'cos forgot something] Jimmy: [1000000000% agree] Janis: [we know either would make sufficient fuss that everyone knows yet again how #goals and #inlove you're being so mission accomplished but you still mad you been cockblocked we know] Jimmy: [especially because you think that was your last chance cos for real not gonna hook up on the coach however much you wanna] Janis: [mhmmmm] Jimmy: [at least you're allowed to be 😒 as both Mia and Ella would be so annoying about it] Janis: [at least you know that calling Pablo is not goals this time 'round bitch] Jimmy: [spare us and also at least Grace can be sitting on her own again because she's on the shit list after this trip so don't have to deal with any of y'all] Janis: [we all know you cheated sloog] Jimmy: [anyway a girl flirting with Jimothy by inviting him to her party as they are waiting to get on this coach, how rude madam, Janis is right there] Janis: [😒 on this bus] Jimmy: [nudging her cos you know they sitting next to each other] Janis: [just getting your phone out and doing that thing where you raise your head but not your eyes like so non-commital can I help you?] Jimmy: ? Janis: what? Jimmy: What? Janis: you capitalizing at me? Jimmy: I did do Janis: still doesn't make your point any clearer though Jimmy: don't take the piss Janis: [looks up like whatttttt] Jimmy: [whispers 'what's wrong?' in her ear so that they don't get outted for casually having a domestic and also because it's a saucy thing to do] Janis: ['nothing' but taking the trouble to whisper back] Jimmy: [leaning in like he's gonna whisper again but moving her hair out of the way and playing with it as we do obvs and drawing a ? on the skin that he uncovers cos he don't believe you gal] Janis: [acting like that tickled well more than it possibly could to get out of answering, like omg stop it] Jimmy: [actually does tickle her then like tell me] Janis: [loling and kicking like watch out] Jimmy: [just making sure her ankle is okay like steady on] Janis: [🙄 but with that fake affection like this boy] Jimmy: [snuggling into her like yeah I know I'm so extra but it's only because I'm so 😍 but really we are hiding that we're annoyed she won't tell him what's wrong] Janis: [patting his head which is such blatant there there vibes we know] Jimmy: [hidden 😒] Janis: you gonna go then? Jimmy: fancy it? Janis: I weren't invited Jimmy: I just invited you Janis: not your party to be inviting people to Jimmy: you don't wanna come then? Janis: not what I said Jimmy: what you said sounded like some health and safety bollocks though so Jimmy: no need to run the numbers, mate Janis: if I was wanted, she'd have asked herself, sat right here weren't I Jimmy: if I want you, will you stop sitting there with a face on? Janis: not the point, is it Janis: [but looks up like ?] Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: do you want to go? Jimmy: where's your answer? Janis: ♟ Jimmy: [another nudge] Janis: [nudges him back with her bad foot like try me] Jimmy: [looks down at it with a furrowed brow] Jimmy: I get it, you're 💔 you can't dance Jimmy: should've said Janis: fuck off am I Janis: sure you're well 😎 on the dancefloor Jimmy: [😏 even though we know he can't dance she doesn't yet so] Jimmy: Alright, you like to watch #kinkunlocked Janis: 😒 Janis: no, and you can tell your mate that and all Jimmy: I don't reckon Bill's 👻 is that fussed, Jules Jimmy: tends to give the directions, him Janis: 🐻 Jimmy: 👋 Janis: oh no, the bear has eaten your face off Jimmy: @ Mia's dad Jimmy: gonna need compensation Janis: it is your only 💰 maker Jimmy: bit rude Janis: blame the 🐻 for being a bear, alright Jimmy: blame you for bringing him about, more like Janis: it's your dad Janis: baby 🐻 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: he's got competition for being the biggest dickhead of a dad 🎻 Janis: a competition most dads 'round here could go in for Jimmy: 🤞 Mia's wins Janis: what's the prize? Jimmy: golf clubs Jimmy: you can 💀💀💀 'em when you've had enough Janis: fun for all the family Janis: won at life so sure he will again Jimmy: 👍 Janis: don't be 💔 Jimmy: I ain't my 2 dads are Janis: Lucas will take 'em for a pint Jimmy: he got any kids? could enter an' all Janis: dunno Janis: be like older than my mum if they are Janis: 'less he's having loads on the sly Jimmy: all them poor Russian virgins 🤰👶 Jimmy: like a factory Janis: ain't sending 'em no rubles Jimmy: real 💔 that Janis: mhmm Janis: you wanna add to their woes by trying to flirt with them Janis: shameful Jimmy: I don't flirt with no lass, they crack onto me Janis: oh god Jimmy: deny it Jimmy: [shows her all the DMs like see] Janis: that's girls who are ⬇ you Janis: not girls you're interested in Jimmy: not actually interested in any Russian virgins, soz to burst your bubble, dickhead Janis: more fool you Jimmy: fill your own boots, like Jimmy: loads in the area if the ads are owt to go by Janis: 🖕🖕 Janis: need neither your leftovers nor your permission, tah Jimmy: you're alright, I weren't offering neither Janis: fill your own boots, like Janis: case and point Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: you sound like 💀👑 Jimmy: you can have my permission to go to law school if you're gonna keep being a twat Janis: piss off Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: 👋 Janis: [like we ain't sat together Jimmy: give me a bell when you've graduated harvard or wherever Jimmy: might come in handy Janis: sounds about right Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: meaning if I went off and got a law degree, I don't reckon I'd have time to fake date you Jimmy: never said that you'd have to Janis: whatever favour you need then then Jimmy: forget it, I'll use the free time I'll have when you've done one to win over Mia's dad Janis: 💡 Jimmy: 🥇 as per, me Jimmy: no need to go on about it, babe Janis: keep dreaming, new boy Jimmy: [puts his head on her shoulder and closes his eyes like okay then] Janis: [sigh like it's contented] Jimmy: [staying put stubbornly even though he obviously isn't going to sleep lol] Janis: [leaving this for a bit but then] Janis: we probably should Janis: if you're going, I mean Janis: should go together Jimmy: weren't planning to Jimmy: but if you wanna Janis: not hugely but Janis: if we didn't, we'd have to think up something more goals to be doing instead of or they'd fill in the blank of it Janis: this is the easiest option Jimmy: right Jimmy: and she don't want you there, so you should be Janis: bit petty but Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: you said it, you were there when she asked me Janis: yeah Janis: don't care if she wants to suck you off though, do I Jimmy: don't you? Janis: suppose in theory I have to Jimmy: just fake the 😒 face you had on a bit ago, that'll do Janis: I'd rather smack her Janis: but I know how to do it, been here the whole time, like Jimmy: go on, long as you don't fuck up your decent ankle there's no need for me to hold you back or up Janis: not the kind of fake girlfriend I am Jimmy: suit yourself Janis: it'd make you look good, and me like a dick Jimmy: didn't say you had to do it with an audience Janis: don't matter Janis: not gonna tell everyone she tripped, is she Jimmy: Dunno, don't know her Janis: girls aren't like that Janis: a lad has pride and will keep their mouth shut Jimmy: leave it out with her then Jimmy: like you said, what do you care? all just bollocks Janis: like I said, you come out fine, she treated me like a twat, that's why Janis: she don't know I don't care, that's the point Jimmy: Alright, let's make her look a bigger twat Jimmy: how? Janis: Good question Jimmy: 🗭💡🥇 Jimmy: What'd get to a lass like her? 🤔 Janis: if her party was a flop Jimmy: we could do that Janis: can we do that without everyone else knowing it's us doing that though Janis: that's the trick Jimmy: we got caught doing all that bollocks 'cause we wanted to Janis: 'course Jimmy: challenge accepted then Jimmy: but it won't be Janis: naturally she'll be well devastated when you don't shag her Jimmy: She'll live Janis: 😢 but aiming for 😭 so we need the rest Jimmy: every dickhead knows I only want you by now Jimmy: she's taking the piss Janis: yeah Jimmy: you'll live an' all Janis: don't be telling me what to do Janis: 😏 Jimmy: wouldn't be very #goals that Janis: you're telling me Janis: though they'd like it Jimmy: hang on, I'll @ you my instructions Jimmy: they can give it a like Janis: 🤮🤮🤮 Janis: some things work better as a DM, babe Jimmy: [DM's her but it just says hey] Janis: 😂 Janis: don't quit your day job to become a master, like Jimmy: don't need your permission either, Judith Janis: you'll need loads of training Jimmy: piss off will I Janis: 👌👌 Janis: calm down Janis: not given me nothing to go on there Jimmy: [gives her something 🔥🔥 to go on cos challenge accepted] Janis: no need for that Jimmy: you said I hadn't given you nowt Jimmy: there you go Jimmy: 🎁💕 Janis: [a LOOK] Janis: just Janis: rude Jimmy: [a LOOK back cos always] Jimmy: you gonna give me the one you owe me at this party or what? Janis: nah, have it now, hold on Janis: [my idea was something she stole from someone's room that she didn't put in the collective kitty but I can't fully think what yet] Jimmy: [I'll let you off cos I've been there and whatever it is he's gonna be shooketh in a good way so] Janis: [hmm, maybe a screw off Mia's bed, something like that, like no reason to but for the mems] Jimmy: [when you can just kiss her because there's a coach full of people about to use as the excuse we're past needing] Janis: [enjoy that as you fully got cockblocked earlier lads and you aren't over it] Jimmy: [even if some idiot cheers you won't care] Janis: [didn't even when it was fully 'fake' so not caring now you actually wanna] Jimmy: [exactly and likewise what is Mr Lucas gonna do, you're already in detention forever] Janis: [nearly home just leave 'em alone for a hot sec sir] Jimmy: [you'll regret it if you don't sir because they'd be fuming] Janis: [already tieless so watch out] Jimmy: [I doubt they're the only couple on this entire trip so calm down] Janis: [even if most people would have a shade more decorum 'cos not tryna be THE couple, still lol] Jimmy: [at least Pablo didn't come on the trip because he and Mia are the anti couple] Janis: [thank god he's in the year above if we stick to when he was born before] Jimmy: [might as well tbh] Janis: [we know the twins were the biggest mistake of all soz ladies] Jimmy: [not forgiving Caleb for treating Ali like that in her grief] Janis: [yeah that was fucked hence no one can grieve you properly, along with the rest] Jimmy: [anyways he should teach her some more sign language insults because people on this coach are annoying af] Janis: [doing it at this girl] Jimmy: [he'd be so amused] Janis: [so jealous] Jimmy: [she's so brazen like they are the talk of this trip gal what do you think you're doing] Janis: [when you think you that bad, I think not honey] Jimmy: [egg on your face when he brings her to your party and they make sure you're a flop] Janis: [makes your party all about them, like have you been here on this trip or] Jimmy: [love it, it's what you deserve for trying to make Janis look a fool/steal her man] Janis: [tbh] Jimmy: [is there any other coach moments/convos we wanna have?] Janis: [we probably got the jealousy across well, and it's bound to be more of the shameless kissing 'cos you can vibe? so we can probably skip to when they've had to go home for the hottest of secs before this party?] Jimmy: [I'm fine with that cos you know he gotta go sort his siblings out and have a fight with Ian if he's there or steal his stash again if he's not on top of putting on a #lewk for this party] Janis: [exactly, likewise you do have to see your mum for a hot sec and slay on this hoe now obvs] Jimmy: [sends her a ridiculous outfit selfie of something he's absolutely not gonna wear to this party cos he's a nerd] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: so torn between telling you it's perfect and the fact I will have to pretend I'm 😍 to see you Jimmy: you have to pretend you're 😍 to see me any road Janis: yeah Janis: sadly only think it's funny if it makes your life harder though, not mine so Jimmy: back to the drawing board Janis: 😱 the 😎 isn't effortless?! Janis: 💔 Jimmy: not trying to please myself, just you Jimmy: nowt effortless about that Janis: you calling me high-maintenance? Jimmy: if the 😒 fits, Julie Janis: not gonna apologize for having standards, new boy Jimmy: weren't asking you to Janis: wouldn't be wise Janis: that outfit come with a 🤐? Jimmy: [sends her a selfie of him with his hoodie zipped over his head like this one does] Janis: much better Janis: some would say 👍 Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: Good job I've got 2 then Janis: s'alright, not gonna keep it for the mems Janis: took 2 🔩s Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say it were alright 'cause you took Helena's meds out the pocket Janis: that goes without saying Janis: who am I Jimmy: exactly why it threw me for a sec, mate Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: What you rolling your eyes at me for? Janis: not a druggie, tah very much Jimmy: never said you necked 'em, did I? Janis: whatever Jimmy: don't get another strop on Janis: don't you start Janis: leave it, alright Janis: meet you outside hers Jimmy: Alright Janis: are all that lot invited too? Jimmy: Dunno Janis: not gonna hope but Jimmy: 🤞 they are or ain't? Janis: had enough of 'em for a lifetime Janis: but 🐓 🦃 🦚 🦜 🦢 🦩 one stone Jimmy: could 📌 it on 'em why the party was shite Janis: not a stretch at all, yeah Janis: my sister's parties are famously shit and they all get wasted after a drink Jimmy: 🤞 they got their golden tickets an' all then Janis: 💀👑 the type to invite herself regardless Jimmy: 💰💰💰 Janis: shameless Janis: got that in common with the hostess anyway Jimmy: she another rich girl? Janis: no idea Jimmy: you know owt about her? Janis: nothing we can use, I don't reckon Janis: barely know who she is, if I'm honest Jimmy: be alright, crap parties are a piece of piss compared to 😎🚬 ones Janis: standard, you mean an' all Jimmy: goes without saying Janis: you been a party here yet? Jimmy: don't need to have to stand by what I said Janis: same wherever you end up, yeah Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: people are predictable Jimmy: weren't hoping any of these knobheads would impress me, don't worry Janis: not a rep to make sure you're having an AMAZING time Jimmy: only with you, that's why it's #goals Janis: naturally Janis: #notlikeothergirls is the branding to go for Jimmy: no ❄ though, that's Mia's dad's Janis: gonna stop pushing now, are you Janis: good to know Jimmy: piss off Janis: no need to be aggy Jimmy: but there's every need for you to have a go, is there? Janis: who said I was having a go Janis: joke, relax new boy Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't be moody Jimmy: stop doing my head in Janis: fine Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕👋 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: not okay to use my own move against me Jimmy: go on then, tell me my every move Janis: not 💀👑 Jimmy: could use the same 🥺😢😭😤😠😡🤬🤯 scale still Janis: go on then Janis: where are you Jimmy: 🥺 obvs Janis: if anyone asks, same Jimmy: I am asking, dickhead Janis: we're telling the truth now? Jimmy: Why not? Janis: why are you 🥺 then? Jimmy: you ain't answered where you are Janis: solid 😤 Jimmy: There you go, that'll be why I'm 🥺 Janis: yeah, I'm that easily deterred Janis: what's up Jimmy: What's up with you? Janis: is there a punchline or? Jimmy: 🤡🥊 Janis: 😤 is my 😒 Jimmy: so you're alright? Janis: yeah, I'll survive Janis: your turn Jimmy: What? Janis: to answer Jimmy: I did do Janis: properly Jimmy: you heard me, it's your fault ☀ Janis: it ain't Jimmy: Why do you want me to move across to 😭? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: ugh Janis: be like that Jimmy: UGH yourself babes Janis: just trying to entertain myself on this bus Janis: you're NO help Jimmy: what kind of help are you after? Janis: 🤡🤡🤡 Jimmy: [sends her whatever DM the girl who invited him to this party has sent him since said invite] Janis: cringe Jimmy: You wanna reply to it? Janis: as me or you? Jimmy: whichever one suits you, babe Janis: [writes something from him about really looking forward to the party so she thinks she's in/more sting when it flops] Janis: send that then Jimmy: [does and shows her that it's sent] Janis: 👍👍 Janis: might need to mute her 'til we get there now though Jimmy: are you gonna be my mate again now? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: what are the perks like? Jimmy: that the kind of mate you are? Janis: just saying, if my deal is better being your fake girlfriend Janis: got to consider these things Jimmy: if you can't handle being both Jimmy: not very 🥇 of you but alright Janis: you just can't get enough of me Jimmy: I get it, you can't 🤹 Jimmy: have to leg it off to the 🎪 on my own 🎻💔 Janis: 🦁 tamer Janis: you're already the 🤡 and I can't grow a beard either so Jimmy: can't be a 🤡 and a 🐻!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: #whoamI? Janis: omg babes Janis: existential crisis o'clock! Jimmy: 😱😱😱😱😱 Janis: drag me for trying to pick between 💘 or 🤗 Janis: you're SUCH a mess, no offense Jimmy: none taken obvs Janis: fine, friendzone me Jimmy: can't win with you today Janis: bit rude Janis: if you wanna do party girl, then just let me dump you Jimmy: if I wanted to I just wouldn't have invited you Janis: no, because that's not the deal Janis: we both agreed already Jimmy: I know what the deal is, tah very much Janis: it's a compliment Janis: i'm saying you ain't a complete 🐍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: yeah Janis: that's the plan Jimmy: What time do you want me to meet you in the 🦁 den then? Janis: there's a bus stop like five minutes from hers Janis: meet me there at Janis: do we wanna be fashionably late for the 😎 or on time ish to sabotage some more? 🤔 Jimmy: I got nowt else on Janis: alright so [the earlier side of a party starting] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: asked Grace, they are going Janis: made a big Thing™ of getting ready all of 'em without her so Jimmy: charming Janis: yeah well she knows what she did, like 🔪🔪🔪 Jimmy: I get it 🩸🩸🩸 on her own hands not coming out our 💘s Janis: now she's not gonna throw herself at you for Mia's amusement, sorta served her purpose Janis: 'til the next one, obvs Jimmy: I should've made better ☕ my bad, Gracie Janis: 🙄 Janis: obvs Jimmy: what's obvs is that she don't order a latte to support my 🎨 Jimmy: Mia should've known it'd never be a goer Janis: weird, beige is right up her alley Jimmy: her order don't come out purple or owt, don't worry Janis: even I could gather that Jimmy: I can't give you a 🏆 but Janis: could if you put some coffee in it Jimmy: rather put 🥃 in there but alright Janis: when you're off the 🕥 Jimmy: I didn't realise your plan to fuck this party up was that I serve ☕ Jimmy: 🥇💡 Jimmy: get traced right back to 💀👑 Janis: never work Janis: it's your 2nd biggest 😍 pull Jimmy: good job the only 🕥 I'm on is yours then Janis: safe to say the way you froth does not have me doing the same Jimmy: such a way with words, you Jimmy: SO romantic Janis: has been said Jimmy: TOTALLY won't be 💭💕😍 when I am at work tomorrow, tah Janis: you're welcome for the distraction and the third degree burns Jimmy: how #goals Janis: get to get my own back and nurse you SO HARD Jimmy: you're welcome that I'll be a well easier patient than you Janis: what I'm hearing is lazy Jimmy: you sound like a Tory, I'll go if you've got Mia's dad in another 🗨 like Janis: who could compete Janis: I understand 🥉 Jimmy: 👋 Janis: Can't believe he's so ugly Janis: if you're gonna risk incest, like Jimmy: What 'cause she's so fit it's a massive shock? Janis: 🙄 yeah, you worked that out Jimmy: I know it'll be a struggle but don't dump me for her Janis: shut up Janis: if I was gay, I'd have taste Jimmy: at least 🥉 Jimmy: she ain't on the podium Janis: thanks for your professional opinion Janis: I'm not gonna get someone else involved in this charade Jimmy: but I'm lazy? Alright 😏 Janis: gotta break the ⛓ Janis: tah Jimmy: 💔 that your 🏆💪 were just some bollocks rumour Janis: not carrying you around either Janis: 💀 from 💔 Jimmy: I heard you, wanting me to lie down and 💀💀💀 in the dirt, weren't it? Jimmy: ✔💕 Janis: 🥺🙏 Jimmy: I'll let your bus roll over me Jimmy: job done Janis: be waiting a while Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: slowburn? Jimmy: love a bit of a waiting game, me Jimmy: 🏆 best dad ever 🏆 for pissing about with this will we, won't we fuck off out of here Jimmy: if you're gonna risk incest Janis: how sweet of him Jimmy: right Janis: gutted my ma got that all out of her system when I was 👶 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: mhmm Janis: but alright with not having to have them tag along Jimmy: 🍻 to that Janis: how's your brother Jimmy: did you get an SOS 🦇 girl? Janis: nah Janis: just asking Jimmy: [sends her sign language stuff on how to ask how someone is so she could ask if she wanted to] Janis: alright, alright Janis: 🖕👋 would suffice Jimmy: it were you who said you wanted something to do 🥱🚍 Jimmy: have a go Janis: what if one of these old bags knows it too then I'm stuck in a conversation Jimmy: call me, I'll sort it out Jimmy: but 🖕👋 would probably suffice there an' all Janis: 😱 Janis: shocking behaviour Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: if you get it right you can ask that lass how's she's doing when her party goes tits up Jimmy: so crack on Janis: 😒 hmm Janis: manipulative but alright Jimmy: are you gonna be mardy about her all night? Janis: obviously not Janis: how would that make me look Jimmy: I meant here 🗨 @ me Janis: I'm not being mardy Jimmy: 😒 you Janis: you all the time Janis: not taking it personally, am I Jimmy: told you before, I ain't a mind reader Janis: I'm not mardy at you Jimmy: Okay Janis: It's her, I told you Jimmy: Yeah Janis: dunno what her problem with me is Jimmy: she don't look as good in green as Mr Lucas, massive problem, that Janis: she can see him after class and take it up with him, like Jimmy: long as he don't stick her in detention with us Janis: then I will be 😒 with you Jimmy: baby 🥺 Janis: wanna be alone with you and Mr Lucas, obvs Jimmy: duh, you'll have gone 3 weeks without him by then Jimmy: near torture Janis: don't remind me 💔 Jimmy: I'll have to send him a 💌 when I go Janis: we're not sharing Jimmy: you're alright, I don't reckon he'll be about having a LDR with me Jimmy: he's very physical Janis: not 🥈 Janis: just 'cos you've pissed off Jimmy: you're 🥈 with me here Janis: fuck right off Jimmy: There she is, my 🦘🥊 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😍😍😍 look better with bruises Jimmy: your blatant kink, that Jimmy: 🔓 Janis: just true Janis: the less you look like you the better, DUH Jimmy: any excuse to wear my 😎 suits me Janis: true 💘 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: did you go for the hoodie then? Jimmy: is it a dealbreaker? Janis: could be Jimmy: I could grab it then Janis: what are you wearing Jimmy: Don't you wanna wait and see? Janis: I'll still be able to fake my 😍 without the surprise Jimmy: [a selfie of whatever lewk he's serving] Janis: yeah Janis: good job 👍 Jimmy: Tah Janis: don't you wanna make sure I look okay? Jimmy: don't need to Janis: I could totally shame you Jimmy: you couldn't Janis: trust 💪🏆 Jimmy: I don't care what you've got on, not a mean lass Janis: just getting it off, gotcha Jimmy: just leave out spending it about, not very #goals of me Janis: couldn't be non-goals if we tried Janis: bar's that low tonight Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: mhmm Jimmy: show me then Janis: [going relatively hard here we can presume because these basics ALWAYS do so you need to do it but better] Jimmy: [I likewise think he's gone harder than he would so I vibe it] Janis: [we out here] Jimmy: [pinterest has cockblocked me as usual] Janis: [I've not looked yet but we know the vibes] Jimmy: Oi Janis: what you oi'ing at? Jimmy: you can't be saying the bar's that low and giving me that Janis: what do you mean Jimmy: I mean you know what you're doing wearing something so 🏆 worthy Janis: yeah, I do know what I'm doing Janis: you can trust in that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Janis: you can say I look fuckable, it's the point Jimmy: and you reckoned it were me displaying shocking behaviour a bit ago Jimmy: 🧼👄 Janis: must've been wishful thinking then 😇🤓 Jimmy: I get it, your SO 🥱🚍 you've gotta take the piss now Jimmy: stop thinking about me, girl Janis: guilty Jimmy: 👮🚔 Jimmy: you just wanna be back in chains of any sort, well predictable you Janis: gotta practice having this shit on 🔒 Janis: lads don't even wanna claim 'em after, never mind hold 'em down Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: chuffed to be your lab 🐀 Joan Janis: never poured acid in your 👀s Janis: lucky little 🐀 boy Jimmy: Tah for not doing owt to the 👂 growing out my back an' all Jimmy: know what you're like, lucky it's still attached Janis: gives you character Janis: pick you out of a lineup with your fellow whiteboys Jimmy: #newschoolnewme Janis: wait 'til I make a little maze for you, buzzing, you'll be Jimmy: 🎨🏆🥇 Janis: and 💪 Janis: combination of our 💘s #SUCHgoals Jimmy: we did it, we merged!! 👏👏 Janis: 5 WHOLE 👂S!!!! Jimmy: can't top that, might as well turn that bus around and go home, mate Janis: Okay Keanu Jimmy: no dickhead can deny that outfit could stop traffic Janis: smooth Jimmy: til you 🤮 Janis: not gonna get that wasted, even if I look like 'em Jimmy: Duh pisshead, I meant from the hard braking Jimmy: and you don't look like them Janis: I'm 💪 Jimmy: SUCH an athlete, yeah, I've heard Jimmy: it were bollocks though, don't rub that in again, tah Janis: the 1994 film or my athleticism? Janis: either way, how DARE you Jimmy: Both obvs Jimmy: I'll dry your eyes if you do mine Janis: not hot Janis: 👎 Jimmy: weren't what I were going for Jimmy: you're on one, not me Janis: you're trying to get me to 🤬 Janis: but I've got Helena's 💊s so you can't bring me ⬇ Jimmy: say that again when I'm carrying you down them bus steps Janis: that won't look kidnappy at all Jimmy: is that you trying to put me off? Jimmy: have another go Janis: 👠 are great weapons Jimmy: nowt I don't already know Jimmy: had a girlfriend before Janis: sure she couldn't kick as well as me Janis: whatever you reckon Jimmy: no need, just chucked 'em at me instead Janis: under or over? Jimmy: @ her if you want tips Janis: no tah Janis: not that bitch that stalks all your exes to make sure they're fatter than me Jimmy: only got the one, wouldn't take you long Janis: yeah? Janis: still Janis: sounds delightful and my inbox is full enough Jimmy: mine an' all Jimmy: delighted for us, she is Janis: you probably can't tell her it's fake, yeah Janis: usually wouldn't be an issue with her being miles away but love to break that scandal by the sounds of Janis: 😬 Jimmy: weren't planning to tell her nowt Janis: if it gets her to 😶 Jimmy: less than nowt would do Janis: fairplay Janis: know the sort Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 is her sort Jimmy: why we were such a #goals match Janis: only like magnets Janis: you attract 💔🎻😭 Janis: clearly Jimmy: what I get for being SUCH a 😒🌧 lad Jimmy: just that northern Janis: teach you how to be ☀ obvs Jimmy: reckon you've got enough time, do you? Janis: reckon I'm that good Jimmy: it don't matter what you reckon, bighead Janis: rude Jimmy: you can't give yourself the 🏆 Janis: I'm the only one who's opinion I trust so Janis: seems fake Jimmy: that's me out of a job then and your Tory heart 💔 Janis: well I'm sure it'd be top goals to change my mind Jimmy: I wouldn't put any 💰 on it if I were you Jimmy: unless Mia's dad is paying Janis: probably LOVES gambling on poor kids Jimmy: goes without saying Janis: wonder if any of our other pals are gonna show Jimmy: Depends how selective she were with the invites Jimmy: be quality if she's betting on it just being me and her Janis: oh Christ, don't Jimmy: it's alright, I ain't worried about chucking her out of her own house Janis: that's easy regardless Janis: slightly smaller scale Janis: gotta secure her room asap, also goes without saying Jimmy: but you still said it Janis: it was thick, nor Northern, right? Jimmy: I know what I'm doing an' all Janis: I know Janis: I said you looked good too Jimmy: I heard what you said and I weren't 🎣 Janis: 🤏 Janis: but since you washed my mouth out I can't be any more descriptive than that o Janis: so* Jimmy: if I wanted you to say owt you'd know about it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: how far away are you? Janis: [when ages isn't even a pisstake] Jimmy: [oh that bus journey such good times to come] Janis: weren't exaggerating Jimmy: never said you were Jimmy: I just wanna know where to be Jimmy: ain't far to hers from mine, must be why she likes me Janis: if she knows where you live that's the least of your worries, no? Jimmy: 💀👑 bound to have told everybody by now Jimmy: been stalking me for ages, her Janis: least she's never been in your gaff Janis: far as you know Jimmy: I'd have found strands of hair or 🦷🦷 all about Janis: exactly Janis: clean-up is no joke Jimmy: unless the 🐕 ate 'em Jimmy: find me 💀💀💀 then Janis: not before me she won't Jimmy: I'll try and hang on for you, Jules Janis: least you could do Jimmy: my stamina being what it is, might take a lot Janis: ⬇side of having a 👴 fake boyfriend Jimmy: brb gotta screenshot that to sir so he knows his place Janis: cucked again Jimmy: #kinkfulfilled 💕 he's welcome Janis: your generosity is known, above and beyond, you Jimmy: it's been said before, your originality needs work Janis: you're the one censoring me Jimmy: only so you don't put words in my mouth Jimmy: when I wanna give you a compliment, there's loads on the tip of my 👅 Janis: conveniently you never do so how do I know that? Janis: 🧠📖? Jimmy: You never wanna take 'em more like Janis: Psh Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 only please and thanks Jimmy: *😭 Jimmy: as per Janis: Baby Jimmy: 🐻 Janis: that's why I'm trying to get you 😠 Jimmy: soon as we get there ✔ Janis: you make a handy pillow, say that Jimmy: and you wonder why I'm censoring you Janis: I'm well serious Janis: how am I meant to take a nap now Jimmy: poor baby Janis: 🥺 now Jimmy: I'll @ Helena see if she's got any uppers an' all Janis: fine Janis: scout the shoulder talent on this bus whilst you're at it Jimmy: not your pimp, remember Janis: delete the creeper shots then, shall I Janis: UGH Jimmy: do what you like, my dear Janis: naturally Jimmy: you've made me tired now, tah for that Janis: how weren't you anyway Jimmy: didn't have chance Janis: being 'round our peers is exhausting Janis: can't wait for this holiday to actually begin Jimmy: it's alright for you, I'll have to be around 'em more when it does Janis: yeah, that's shit Janis: only see the ones that cba to walk their dogs, and the gals, obvs Jimmy: least you won't have to see me walking ours Jimmy: if my sister don't do it, don't get done Janis: yeah, right silver-lining that Janis: 'cos I don't drink the shit you serve either Jimmy: soz I'm not a paid barman Janis: 💔 Jimmy: have to crack on with stealing Ian's 🥃 for a bit longer Jimmy: gutted though I am Janis: works for me Janis: I'll get on it with pulling my weight on that front Janis: know someone nearby, stop there first Jimmy: there won't be nowt left for you if you don't hurry up driving that bus, Sandra Jimmy: be a good shout Janis: Keanu would never Jimmy: @ him to take you to this party, don't bother me Janis: the ONE boy not in my DMs, would you believe 🤷 Jimmy: he'd never make a move either so I can, yeah Janis: what you saying, that I think you > keanu? Jimmy: I'm saying it don't matter how big your head is, he's too sad Jimmy: no ☀ for him Janis: 😭 on your level now Jimmy: soz that's your type, gotta be hard going Janis: he might be an outlier, all you know Jimmy: What's the fuck is that? Janis: like, he's an anomaly, one-of-a-kind-one-off and the rest of my 'type' is 👌 Jimmy: Like you said, for all I know Janis: as you said, not my pimp, so you don't need to know one way or the other Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: still weren't 🎣 you can calm down Jimmy: my rod is well away Janis: you're at home, yeah? Janis: so that is your business and your prerogative Janis: ⏲ not started Jimmy: very generous of you Janis: not 💭 about it or nothing Janis: 😇 Jimmy: you're far too tired, I know Janis: cheek of you Janis: you're the 👴 with NO stamina Jimmy: you're the one that were going on and ON about it Jimmy: giving it all that 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: which is a bit rude when there's nowt I can do to help Janis: would I set you up to fail? Janis: sounds fake Janis: you could entertain me Jimmy: Go on, how do you want me to wake you up? Janis: how do you reckon Jimmy: I reckon you should tell me Janis: even though you already know? Jimmy: if you reckon I do then there's no challenge saying it, is there? Janis: depends Jimmy: on what? Janis: if you reckon there's challenge in hearing it Jimmy: You reckon I wouldn't accept it if there were? Janis: Have to think on that Jimmy: til you fall asleep at any rate Janis: stop questioning my stamina! 😏 Jimmy: I ain't done once Jimmy: you said it Janis: I know Jimmy: I ain't trying to trick you into a Q&A or owt Jimmy: no questions Janis: damn, I LOVE talking about myself Jimmy: loads of better games if that's what you're after to stay awake though Janis: go on Jimmy: I dunno which of 'em if any are 🚍 appropriate Jimmy: unless you paddys play by different rules Janis: I'm sure I'm obligated to tell you our rules would only make it more inappropriate Janis: we can play at the party? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: but we better keep it between me and you, no other dickhead's supposed to be threatened with a good time Janis: 'course Janis: know any 2-player games? Jimmy: I'll 💭 while you think on how I've never backed down from any challenge I heard yet Janis: dangerously close to a promise that you won't ever Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: Promise? Janis: Yeah, fuck knows Jimmy: or ever back down Janis: can't answer that, like Jimmy: you could Jimmy: don't sound like me, for a start Janis: alright Jimmy: say it like you fake mean it, babe Janis: I do mean it, dickhead Jimmy: that's better Janis: you've picked now to be hot about it Jimmy: you wanted entertaining Janis: I did Janis: not complaining Jimmy: aren't you? Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Jimmy: if this is the REAL bus driver, focus on the job at hand, dickhead Janis: he's well distracted tbh Janis: you know when they have their mate on for a chat? Janis: can't do that at any other job Jimmy: could chat to you when I'm serving ☕ if I wanted Janis: alright, smartarse Janis: only if I ordered, or your manager would be up in your face for slacking Jimmy: Yeah, I get it what you're on about, I'm not meant to, would be a decent reason to bother Janis: for you, definitely Jimmy: Oi Janis: what am I getting out of it Janis: beyond your delightful company Jimmy: What do you want? Janis: not a latte 💔 Janis: soz, your 🎨 like Jimmy: you don't need to support it, you inspire it Janis: 💘💘💘 Janis: could be worth coming in when 💀👑 squad is about Janis: not every time but, you know, at least a few Jimmy: lunch time is a good shout, they hang about for ages then Janis: yeah, alright, I'll find a day I can do that then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not ideal if I have to stand outside with the 🐕s obvs Jimmy: we can make it work Jimmy: there's massive windows they can 👀 us from Janis: goldfish bowl Janis: I know the vibe Janis: even if I'm anti it Jimmy: you won't have to say nowt nice to me, what more do you want? Janis: I'm always nice Jimmy: you won't have to say owt #goals to me then Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: Yeah, I do Janis: already agreed and all, no need to work any harder, like Jimmy: ain't hard work and even if it were, not the lazy git you keep saying Janis: now you're 🎣 Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: not letting you slag me off ain't the same as being after a compliment Janis: what I reckon don't matter anyway, apparently Jimmy: only when it comes to 🏆 Jimmy: I give 'em, you get 'em Jimmy: that were all I said Janis: 👍 Jimmy: don't be a dickhead about it Janis: I'm not Janis: focusing on driving Jimmy: I get it 💣 weren't your top 💀💀💀 Janis: always you, babes Jimmy: I'll keep it more personal 💕 I remember that's how you wanted it Janis: how much do you remember, exactly? 🤔 Jimmy: 🔪 'cause it were more personal, that were it Janis: 💣 for one person is just overkill Jimmy: it'd do the whole 🚍 don't worry Janis: boy, you're special Janis: not going 'round 💀💀💀 everyone willy nilly Jimmy: Alright, that were a nice thing to say, I'll give you that Janis: romantic, you said Jimmy: Yeah Janis: you care what you drink or what? Jimmy: or what Janis: ✔ answer Jimmy: weren't a real question, you saw me drink Ms Burke's Janis: can afford to be a bit more selective, is why I asked Janis: but can't get more than a bottle so Jimmy: we'll rinse this lass when we get there Janis: standard Janis: if she were just expecting you, might be champagne Jimmy: who does she think I am? Janis: someone to treat right, OBVS Janis: long as she's done the chocolate covered strawberries too, might go a bit easier on her Jimmy: you can have them, I'll say I'm allergic Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: might be, we don't have 🍓 in the north Janis: leave the 🎻 story at the door though Janis: trying be less likable, remember Jimmy: long as I've got you to keep on reminding me, be alright Janis: ha, funny 🖕 Jimmy: I'm well serious, I need your help Janis: 'cos I'm such a dick, yeah, I know Jimmy: 'cause she is and you've got 🥇💡 Janis: got vodka Janis: safest bet Janis: be at that bus stop in under 10 Jimmy: Already there Janis: 😇 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: 😇🚬 I'll allow Jimmy: *😈🚬 Janis: Prove it Jimmy: Alright Janis: alright Jimmy: in under 10 Jimmy: however you want Janis: however? Jimmy: you heard Janis: [show up and do a dramatic run (careful) off this bus to even more dramatically kiss him, like clearly this party is quite central so MAYBE someone is walking past, who can be sure, but lbr the excuse is only an afterthought if he asks at this point lol] Jimmy: [sitting her at this bus stop because do be careful babe because we're on a 'mission' before we get there and it's to add any lovebites where there aren't in any skin you can see when she's wearing that lewk but of course that's not extra enough so he has to go over her others too starting at her neck and being very thorough obvs but they've had like no time to fade at all so he's just kissing her shamelessly, we all know it] Janis: [such extra but real reactions as if it hasn't been the hottest of secs since you saw each other, grant you you did get interrupted but maybe not your brightest idea to start this in public when you got places to be, love it] Jimmy: [you two are the best] Janis: [we could always have someone from school go by, a lad like wheyyyyy, but letting you have this for now] Jimmy: [give you a minute but not long enough for this to get out of hand] Janis: [we know we're immediately moving to sit on him instead] Jimmy: [I fully support that even if it means it's easier for you two to go too hard in public lol] Janis: [start as you mean to go on lowkey] Jimmy: [we ain't even gonna make it to this club energy again, we know where your daughter gets it from in the future lads] Janis: [mhmm, blame your lack of chill on them girl, it's valid] Jimmy: [none of your kids have any chill romantically and we all know it] Janis: [the trouble they get in 'cos of...damn you and your romcom romance JJ] Jimmy: [it makes me die cos they are the two characters least likely to start in a romcom] Janis: [we did that boo] Jimmy: [anyway get out of this bus stop before you give some old lady a heart attack, gotta dramatically carry her into this party like she's your bride, sucks to suck gal whose it is] Janis: [not invited, turns up like cleopatra lmao] Jimmy: [also drink some of your vodka on the way babe you've gotta catch up to him cos he's been dipping into Ian's stash] Janis: [bleurgh straight vodka but yes, kill those tastebuds] Jimmy: [I literally could not but you two are not me thankfully] Janis: [shoutout to fearghal for giving you a bottle for free 'cos that's the kind of granddad he is, just the one though] Jimmy: [he's a soft touch but not a mug and we stan] Janis: [just discussing the plan here but being saucy snuggly in-between 'we're gonna have to be social, I reckon, to properly make sure it all goes to shit' sad face like ugh] Jimmy: [such a dramatic ugh reaction of his own that isn't even fake cos he's antisocial af but nods because she's right] Janis: ['we'll find time...still need breaks, right' going for his pocket so you can get a 🚬 to pass back and forth 'cos no sense not sharing when you are this close rn] Jimmy: ['how long have you been lying to me then?' cos she was a mind reader there] Janis: ['just so cool, it's known' 🙄😏] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['unless you're talking about all the other lies, then-' does a 😬 and puts a finger to his lips like shh] Jimmy: [being saucy with that finger cos you walked into that one gal] Janis: ['don't drop me' as if he's the one being affected rn] Jimmy: [holds her tighter like I won't but also just because] Janis: [giving him such a LOOK 'cos we out here looking good feeling better] Jimmy: [forever giving her a LOOK back because likewise and also that selfie did not do justice to how either of them look IRL] Janis: [lord knows I probably don't have one so fully use your imagination here lol] Jimmy: [we know they are both serving that's all that matters] Janis: [as if you don't show up everyone else without trying] Jimmy: [that's the tea, better have you show up cos it's probably not far] Janis: [just being like omg hi and so friendly 'cos can't know it's you two, even though you literally wanna murder this girl for shading you] Jimmy: [using all your barista charm because if you can do it for the Mia's of the world you can do it for anyone and holding onto her still even when you put her down l like I got you gal cos you're a team and you know she's fuming] Janis: [you really thought he was gonna ditch her the second he got off the bus for you like??? ok miss deluded] Jimmy: [some people really love themselves and think they're the shit] Janis: [tea, @Mia 'cos she's lowkey so average looking no offense to the actress lol] Jimmy: [and lbr you also thought he just wanted to hook up with her and then he'd be onto the next like how rude on so many levels] Janis: [we know that is how most teen boys operate but they were going in for the 💘 ting] Jimmy: [my soft boy would never] Janis: [the cheek, so, what's the first step into making this party shit I wonder] Jimmy: [well if there was hardly any booze/it ran out too soon that'd ruin it but they can't single handedly drink it all so they might have to hide it or something lol] Janis: [that's a good idea, or tip it if we being really shamelessly shady] Jimmy: [hide the stuff you want in a bush or something to grab later and pour the shit you don't down the sink] Janis: [good plan, leave the really basic wine coolers and shit beers] Jimmy: [mhmm, no loss there, and obvs you can drink plenty of the good shit too but no need to give yourselves alcohol poisoning on what you think is your last night together potentially] Janis: [just acting like that's all she's supplied like idk what to tell you lads, and being generous with your bottle that is somehow not going down lol lol] Jimmy: [god bless, I'm trying to think how else they could mess shit up without it being obvious hmmm] Janis: [shit tunes shit tunes, even shit by other people's standards that mysteriously keep getting put on] Jimmy: [gotta be a sneaky 👻 Jimothy, great idea babe, also keep getting turned up so loud the neighbours will be fuming even when the hostess turns them down] Janis: [100%, also easy to trash this gaff sneakily without anyone else having the fun of actually doing it 'cos no one is wasted or vibing] Jimmy: [wonderful throwback mems to when they were trashing Mia's room on the trip pre-hook up so I approve] Janis: [think about that, lads, allowed to get distracted momentarily] Jimmy: [proud of you for not getting distracted sooner tbh, shows how much this gal offended you] Janis: [guess you've not been allowed to dance or be alone 'cos setting the shit awkward mood of this party but still, well done] Jimmy: [I have a glorious mental image of peeps leaving like well this is shit] Janis: [damage you done to your rep just by being a rude hoe, think on] Jimmy: [Mia and Pablo have to rock up though cos a shit party is what you deserve] Janis: [ugh couple of the year alert lmao, Pablo is so rude he'll be over it the minute he arrives] Jimmy: [at least Janis won't have to deal with him long] Janis: [pretending to be nice to him is something we're not doing] Jimmy: [that's too far and we all know it, likewise Grace is ignoring you assuming she's there too boy] Janis: [she could be, we just said the flat whites weren't letting her get ready with them but she coulda still showed] Jimmy: [shown up with some boy that Mia didn't sanction to annoy her most likely haha] Janis: [what a party this has been for all] Jimmy: [Jimothy just like this might be the last fake dating moment we have and this is what we're doing ffs] Janis: [not going out with a bang here] Jimmy: [not even close] Janis: so 🥱 I'm on my phone Janis: ✔ Jimmy: bit rude that I'm your last resort Janis: that is partially your fault Jimmy: What have I done? Janis: made this party so 🥱 Janis: duh Jimmy: that were her Jimmy: nowt to do with me Janis: 😏 right, 'course Jimmy: Gotta be a room you can get some 💤 in, we ain't trashed the place floor to ceiling Janis: wanna go look? Janis: can't bear having 👀s on my siblings any longer Jimmy: [picks her up like come on gal let's go] Janis: ['didn't do her sister's room'] Jimmy: [heading in what he assumes is the right direction, but we know what his sense of direction is like] Janis: [pointing with your hands like indicators loling] Jimmy: [thanks for directing us bae] Janis: [like to think her sister is younger/not as much of a dick, hence we didn't trash her room] Jimmy: [agreed, we've got nothing against you hun, putting her down on this bed] Janis: ['you're sleepy too' we telling not asking okay] Jimmy: [a little lol but we're getting into a sleeping position like okay babe] Janis: [bringing up the bottle between you like a baby clove and taking a drink before offering him some] Jimmy: [taking a drink cos why not] Janis: ['you'll sleep well now' and closing his eyes like there there] Jimmy: [snuggling her like now I shall] Janis: [getting comfy 'Bill is gonna be fuming, like'] Jimmy: ['He's dramatic, there's always something with him'] Janis: ['far as endings go though...' trailing off 'well, no one's dead, are they'] Jimmy: ['not the end yet though, is it?' Thank god his eyes are still closed cos we all know where he's going with that question 'and this lass might do herself in when it is'] Janis: ['just prefer putting it out of it's misery' but that doesn't align with the plan so you can't, shamelessly looking at him in the meantime] Jimmy: [opens his eyes 'I know' because you do get it] Janis: [lowkey jumping when he does, then pushing him away playfully before he can even take the piss] Jimmy: [chucks a cushion at her cos I imagine this girl has loads] Janis: ['oi!' and using it as a weapon] Jimmy: ['Oi yourself' we just playfighting now as per] Janis: ['if you want it to look like you've messed up my hair, do it properly'] Jimmy: [pulls her hair in that meant to be pisstakey but actually really saucy way he has before on the trip] Janis: [when the reaction you have betrays you before you've even replied 'I mean, if that's the best you can do'] Jimmy: [goes harder because of the reaction more than the challenge of what she said but we can pretend that's why] Janis: [biting our lip so hard, probably bright red] Jimmy: [running his thumb over her bottom lip like don't cos you shamelessly wanna hear her even though you can't pretend anyone else would be able to, however shit this party is] Janis: ['you're- you aren't terrible at this, you know'] Jimmy: ['you're alright an' all' but we're saying it with more feeling than the words suggest] Janis: ['then let's do it some more' not clear if you mean like, right now, or let's keep doing this whole thing but you know] Jimmy: [when you just nod cos either way you're like yeah] Janis: [we kissing him] Jimmy: [pulling her into you via a hair pull to keep that going and making out for a while which gives you an idea and telling her you've thought of a 2 person game like she wanted and it's that one where you have to keep kissing without stopping but you're not allowed to touch and the first person who does loses] Janis: [groaning like that will be so hard but nodding 'cos duh challenge accepted] Jimmy: [the real question being who do we want to give in first? haha] Janis: [hmm, she did fall off the assault course last so give it to him this time I reckon] Jimmy: [fair that was very shaming for her, you can survive this a lot easier boy] Janis: [we all know this is not a real loss either way lol] Jimmy: [exactly so you can't pout for long] Janis: [esp when she tells you what she wants for winning] Jimmy: [saucy behaviour is afoot] Janis: [not gonna be rood and cockblock you twice in such a space of time] Jimmy: [yeah we won't be that rude] Janis: [as you have to see this party out to the bitter end, even if that's sooner than usual] Jimmy: [and LORD what fun that will be] Janis: [gonna say Pablo has fucked off so Mia is raging/fake crying somewhere now] Jimmy: [I support that wholeheartedly, would also love if Grace has left with whatever lad she came with because Mia will hate that and also it means she don't have to deal] Janis: [we know everyone is jumping ship here[ Jimmy: [it's gonna be jj and this girl soon lol] Janis: [lordt] Jimmy: [not having a 3way with you hun] Janis: [when you probably pretending it was such a casual everyone was invited mood now 'cos you being ignored lowkey] Jimmy: [that's what you get for being a dick] Janis: 👻👻👻 Jimmy: Tah for your permission to properly ghost her Jimmy: she's 👀 at me still Janis: just don't leave without me Janis: not after that bonding moment Jimmy: I carried you in, gotta carry you out an' all Janis: 👶💀 Jimmy: What kind of insult are you trying to chuck at me there? Janis: from the womb to the tomb is what that sounded like Janis: v poetic Jimmy: we'd have to do loads more bollocks Q&A's before we can make any of these dickheads believe I've known you that long Jimmy: but if you want a poem, piss easy that Janis: not looking to do or make you do that crash course Janis: know you love being artsy though so go ahead with that, like Jimmy: you've pissed on the flashcards summing up my 🎻🎻 life in a line or a drawing Jimmy: 💔 poem coming up Janis: Poor boy Janis: upload the draw my life for more views more appreciation Jimmy: ain't #goals or #dramatic enough before you got involved, girl Jimmy: no need Janis: how rude Jimmy: it's LITERALLY a compliment Janis: half a fake compliment, maybe Jimmy: I'll give you a real one if you know how to fuck with her speakers, no music would be the final ⚰🔨 Janis: easy Janis: just be distracting to 👀 at Jimmy: easier Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's like hey everyone who's still here come and play some random drinking game rn] Janis: [and you will know how to take apart electronics in a way that she won't be able to work out what's happened so have at it] Janis: [if that's in the lounge, going out that window then in the backdoor if they're in the kitchen say like just been smoking what's good] Jimmy: [team effort because he's blatantly pretending this drinking game is so northern he has to explain the rules but really he's just making it up on the spot and then as he goes along] Janis: [just watching like 😏] Jimmy: [just loving life cos he can make people do whatever he wants lowkey, what a fun way to get back at that girl by making her drink something gross and then being like ?? when the music stops #givehimanoscar] Janis: [the power, we're never as thrilled to be at a party than when we're fucking it up] Jimmy: can we go now then or what? Janis: I reckon Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: [picks her up cos he weren't joking about carrying her out] Janis: [toodle-o, hoe] Jimmy: [get those bottles and give them to the bae to hold while you carry her far far away from this shit show] Janis: [do not fall now or you'll both be dead lol] Jimmy: [we should say there are other people from the party at the park cos we said it wasn't far from his house to hers and it'll give them an excuse to be extra] Janis: [ahh teens hanging in parks, a standard] Jimmy: [sit on a swing together lads] Janis: [have some more booze now you can without looking suspish] Jimmy: [yeah you probably haven't had that much cos too busy being sneaky and ruining things] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: better than 🍾 Janis: you? Jimmy: [shows her all the shade that everyone is throwing about this party so she'll be happy] Janis: [loling and scrolling 'good'] Jimmy: [a genuine smile cos she's buzzing and he's glad and genuine 😍 for the laugh] Janis: ['gutted can't stalk Mia's bloke for the reverse revenge pics' just swinging and passing his phone back] Jimmy: ['which one?' because honestly] Janis: [rolls eyes but @ her 'true' adding 'not her dad though, that shit is well easy to find' 'cos a shameless cheat] Jimmy: [taking a big drink and lighting a 🚬 like that's so gross I need both of these things but we just living our best lives tbh] Janis: ['always a party with you, is it' so not a question but realizing how gay that sounds as a statement lol] Jimmy: [blows smoke rings at her sassily like yes it is] Janis: [😏 and taking his bottle, even if you have your own] Jimmy: [allowing it because there are peeps around but allowing it really because he is #whipped] Jimmy: bit rude Janis: bit thirsty Janis: [big swig like see] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: shut up Jimmy: I didn't say owt, it were you Janis: [pushing him but in a playful way 'cos 1. we not mad 2. we don't wanna fall 3. peeps be here] Janis: you knew what I meant Jimmy: [pulls her hair playfully cos throwback to earlier and also pisstake that he thinks she did mean it in a saucy way] Janis: [we are 😳] Janis: oi Jimmy: [looking at her so innocently like ? but boy you know] Janis: [pulling his hair like how do you like it like probably a lot okay then] Jimmy: [we kissing her before any sounds can escape like that will keep it such a mystery, Jimothy I think she still knows you're about it] Janis: [subtly putting her hands up for that mem like, still winning] Jimmy: [little lol because she's funny and we can't be mad] Janis: [return them 😍] Jimmy: [just looking at her because she's so beautiful it's rude] Janis: what? Jimmy: what? Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: ? Janis: ❓ Janis: never mind Jimmy: never mind what? Janis: [exasperated half-lol thing 'stop it'] Jimmy: [writes stop what? on her skin with a fingertip] Janis: [pretends it tickled loads as an excuse to wriggle and generally be distracting] Jimmy: [now we're LOOKING at her and it's a very different #mood] Janis: ['that's what'] Jimmy: [drawing so many ? all over her but really softly so it will actually tickle this time] Janis: [dying like 'alright, alright!'] Jimmy: [holding onto her under the pretence that we don't want her to fall which we don't but also just that bitch™] Janis: ['you're such a dickhead, you know' but softly] Jimmy: ['you're-' so soft it's like did you even say anything sir] Janis: ['well, don't start this again' like we've only just stopped ???ing boy] Jimmy: ['but you're just-' like I can't help it gal cos lbr he can't] Janis: ['you're taking the piss'] Jimmy: [shrugs because probably but again we can't overstate how much he is not trying to and doesn't mean to but also how hard it is to use words] Janis: [fake punches his jaw like oh you, 'cos gonna ignore it either way] Jimmy: [playfully pushes her but very soft] Janis: ['push me on this swing and make yourself useful'] Jimmy: [does obviously] Janis: [living your best life] Jimmy: [so much so we know y'all are gonna stay even when these peeps fuck off cos you don't wanna go home ever anyways] Janis: [definitely, we all know you weren't just here like carrying on the show, duh] Jimmy: [I vote for rain for those Jimmy: mems] Janis: [not out of the question is it, and remember when they got under the jungle gym moment and did drawings, that, ty] Jimmy: [yeah cos it's literally april so and 100% because that was iconic and we need it] Janis: [run babies run but not really 'cos who cares, you aren't going to freeze, even if your lewk is probably skimpy gal, so frolic in the rain for a bit] Jimmy: [we all know it's a #mood and he will keep you warm if needed gal] Janis: [grabbing the stash and taking it under this climbing frame when you finally do take shelter 'cos #priorities] Jimmy: [giving her whatever jacket you have on because that's the kind of fake boyfriend you are] Janis: [searching the pockets like you're looking for 💊s and then miming 💔] Jimmy: [🎻 mime] Janis: ['letdown' but snuggling into the jacket] Jimmy: [starting the doodle sesh by doing the JJ love heart without even really thinking about it] Janis: [writes some shade that that girl or the flat whites would write underneath] Jimmy: [writes the kind of reply he would write if it was a post on socials] Janis: [a realistic looking 💔 with a 🔪 in it] Jimmy: [we just drinking and nodding appreciatively at her 🎨 but then we're drawing Bill's ghost] Janis: [😏 and taking our share as we ponder our 🎨 reply, drawing some 💀s under his feet with flatwhite identifiers, like Grace's weave etc] Jimmy: [draws a 💭 for him and writes 'far as endings go....' like she said earlier and then draws a Janis hanging off the end of the bubble ready to put anyone out of their misery who isn't dead] Janis: [genuine smile, draws a cartoon him peeping over said 💭 with a pen and paper like he's copying Bill's #poetry] Jimmy: [draws a ghost version of himself floating  and crosses out the word endings because still doesn't want any of this to] Janis: [draws an arrow to the book in his cartoon hands and writes 'once upon a time...'] Jimmy: [draws it raining Helena's pills but writes 'letdown' on each pill and puts an umbrella over what she's just written like gotta protect the 🎨 but not over the cartoon JJ or ghost him cos they tough] Janis: [draws a very over-exaggerated Helena 'cos probably not that memorable or noticeable with her mouth open like gimme] Jimmy: [draws a skeleton hand coming up like Mia's gonna snatch them all] Janis: [draws herself jumping down to stamp on said skelly hand] Jimmy: [😏 and then chewing on this pen looking cute doing it obvs but then draws a phone in Mia's hand with a speech bubble coming out like it's her dad talking and threatening to sue etc] Janis: [#distracted af for a hot sec, finally drawing a bored af looking uber booby stickwoman on the other end of the phone like it's a sexline] Jimmy: [we just loling soz to be more distracting gal] Janis: [just adding tears to all the Mia's up here rn] Jimmy: [drawing Mia's dad creepily crawling down the length of this drawing area like he's gotta get to her but there's loads of heartbroken secretaries holding onto his legs and climbing over each other and fighting] Janis: [shudders but also proper lols 'too real' and then sketches out various hunger games ways they can kill each other off to be the winner] Jimmy: [adds his dad peeping like he's gonna snatch the winner and you know it's him because he looks lowkey like Jimothy and he's wearing a t-shirt that says @iantaylor8 on it] Janis: [draws a new Mia 👀 like any dad will do] Jimmy: [does his own shudder and takes a big drink but gives this Mia a crown and a sash that says like world's greatest step mum on it or something like that] Janis: [draws him but like a baby version in various situations with her being the Worst ever, like dropping him on his head etc] Jimmy: [when you start thinking about your mum so you're just having a moment ™] Jimmy: [casually downing so much of this booze suddenly] Janis: [not not noticing but we're not doing anything or saying anything either] Jimmy: [going to 🚬 whether it's stopped raining or not like gotta gooooooo] Janis: [when you're outside so you simply do not boy but pop off, just like wtafffffff over here] Jimmy: [soz gal we gotta moodily sit on this swing and be in our emotions and I'm 100% saying it's still raining so its even more like wtf boy] Janis: are you alright? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: would you prefer I ask what's wrong? Jimmy: how is that any different? Janis: you can yes or no the first Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: I'm not Jimmy: I'm not doing a Q&A with you at the minute Janis: Alright Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: I said, okay Janis: [getting up like I'll be off then and gathering whatever shit you have] Jimmy: [just looking at her because you don't want her to go but you can't be like DON'T so it's v awkward] Janis: [shaking your head 'cos no more ?s] Jimmy: [passing her your 🚬 that you haven't even lit yet like that'll fix everything] Janis: [looking at it like what even but not going 'cos you can also be a headfuck, we aren't pretending otherwise] Jimmy: [shivering because she has your jacket on so you're just out here in a t-shirt like but not moving because we're very closed off rn] Janis: [chucking it at him and going back to your little den moment like you forget something, but just sitting there on your phone like okay] Jimmy: as endings go Jimmy: I'm not having that one Jimmy: makes me look like a right twat, don't you think? Janis: could do better Janis: probably be the note, yeah Jimmy: ✔ Jimmy: [comes back in and chucks her the jacket back like you'll need this if you're going but we know he just is soz] Janis: you're cold, don't be an idiot Jimmy: you might be an' all, I still don't read minds Janis: wouldn't have given it to you if I were Janis: not that nice, or at all Janis: [throwing it vaguely in his direction] Jimmy: [puts it back on her 'just that stubborn' because he is likewise that stubborn obvs lol but his voice is soft and so are his 👀] Janis: [just looking back at him 'finished having your strop now?' but as a genuine question and as soft 'cos like, no idea what that was] Jimmy: [pulling her hair out of the hood or collar of this jacket whichever it has as softly 'I don't care if I freeze to death' the unspoken implication being that he cares if she does BYE 'but if you don't rate it, we can do something else'] Janis: [just being the most still whilst this is happening, biting your lip 'cos softness, what 'go on'] Jimmy: ['I could tell you about how I didn't mean to be such a dickhead there or I could show you, it's up to you, that' the eye contact be like] Janis: [shrugs like you're so unphased either way but not breaking that eye contact 'you aren't much of a talker'] Jimmy: [kissing her on every lovebite like he did at the bus stop but a lot more indecently than you can do when you're in public, taking his time, playing particular attention to anywhere saucy af because why not eventually go down on a girl for the first time in a playground at night in the rain when you're trying to say sorry and give her something to remember you by #peakromance] Janis: [just saying his name like you literally never have, then after, saying 'I've never done that before' 'cos that #shook but he could take that to mean a number of things so you're fine lol] Jimmy: ['me either' with a shrug like it's really casual because true, you can have that first time gal] Janis: ['in a park, like' and pushing a swing like you've only just remembered where you are, low-key looking around like those people are definitely gone] Jimmy: [sits on said swing like push me then] Janis: [does, 'cos his turn] Jimmy: [looks over his shoulder at her ankle like don't hurt yourself] Janis: [rolls her eyes like, weren't worried about that five seconds ago boy] Jimmy: [rolls his own back at her but with 😏] Janis: [pushing him extra high 'jump off and you can join me'] Jimmy: [does jump off because challenge accepted but thankfully doesn't hurt himself because don't need to be #matching] Janis: [fussing after him like he has] Jimmy: [just having a drink like he's so tough and not at all a soft boy] Janis: [looking through your phone then grinning at something on socials 'I've got a surprise for you'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ?] Janis: [showing him a snap from the girl to her story about her parents coming home and freaking out 'cos trashed 'text 'em, when I was doing the music' more of a surprise for you gal 'cos you're buzzing but sure] Jimmy: [SUCH a genuinely happy grin, we're falling in love again over here, cos the bae is so impressive] Janis: ['literally no chance of her hitting you up for a solo party now, even if she had no shame, like' grinning back 'cos he's so cute] Jimmy: ['as fake girlfriend's go, you were a top first pick' because as close as we can get rn to saying you like her 'tah for that'] Janis: ['who was your second?'] Jimmy: [shakes his head because he didn't have one and first place or nowt is forever the motto] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [nudges her 'alright bighead, shut up' even though she didn't say anything] Janis: 'seen not heard?' raises a brow 'very retro'] Jimmy: ['I'm not my dad' shrugs as if that's not vitally important to him] Janis: ['mores the pity, I'm sure' and going to climb the climbing frame now] Jimmy: [follows her in case she needs a hand/falls off cos it's wet and he knows it'll annoy her and that's the excuse we're sticking with] Janis: ['not closing my eyes this time, you're alright' inspecting other people's graffiti efforts with disdain] Jimmy: [chucks her the pen] Janis: [correcting spelling and crossing out the slander you don't fuck with and writing more that you do like that's better 'Lucas would be so proud'] Jimmy: [takes a picture to send to him 'what were his @ again?'] Janis: [genuine 🤔 'something about virgin schoolgirls, can't quite remember'] Jimmy: [exaggerated sigh like ugh fuck's sake 'there's loads of them' but then shrugs 'you'll have to show him'] Janis: ['got a date for 3 weeks time, ain't we' shrugs back] Jimmy: ['you have' cos we're not expecting to be here] Janis: ['he wishes it were solo'] Jimmy: ['you can keep Bill's ghost for a chaperone'] Janis: ['well helpful, him' shakes her head 'end up a ghost before the first session is out myself'] Jimmy: ['what's the matter with that?'] Janis: [little laugh, 'no offense, ghost boy'] Jimmy: ['I get it, reckon undead is better than dead dead, do you?' like that's the kind of snobby vampire she is] Janis: ['don't you?' and LOOKS pointedly at all the lovebites she's done] Jimmy: [looks at her like you have your moments but then LOOKS at her and where they were in their little den like so do I] Janis: [nudges him 'shut up'] Jimmy: [🤐 mime] Janis: [looks down at the den 'don't be hasty...' and mimes unzipping his lips but climbing down like you got somewhere to be] Jimmy: [follows her being deliberately quiet about it lol] Janis: [turns 'round like 'scuse me but when we put out our hand to stop him, we leave it resting on his chest 'where you going now?'] Jimmy: [just looking at her hand and back up at her and then at her lips but we all know he isn't reading them] Janis: [moving a bit closer, putting our other arm 'round his shoulders, 'it was annoying, having to ignore you and talk to other people-' moving closer still, 'til your face is right up in his '-when I'd rather be not talking with you'] Jimmy: [doing that thing he always does where he pulls her closer somehow whenever you think they're as close as they can get] Janis: [whispering even though there's no need bar proximity rn 'I've stayed here before, it's alright, like' saying it like not a suggestion but not not a suggestion too] Jimmy: [when you can't stop yourself from looking in the direction of your house because it's literally over the road even though it's the last place you ever wanna be and then looking back at her as if you'd never looked away and nodding] Janis: [shrugs like it's really casual 'no bus back my way now anyway, so I weren't going home'] Jimmy: [takes her hand and leads her back to their little den and around it like he's doing a house tour because he's a nerd] Janis: ['snug, but well decorated' and smiles '3 out of 5 stars'] Jimmy: [draws those 3 out of 5 stars and writes her review out underneath with her name deliberately wrong and ❌ out loads of times] Janis: [writes her @ and rolls her eyes like honestly 'kill you to give me some promo?'] Jimmy: [📷 mime like he's doing a photoshoot] Janis: [🖕 at him 'cos classy] Jimmy: [takes a real photo of her because amused] Janis: ['oi' 'cos it is dark and we all know flash is a one, as if you won't still look good] Jimmy: [posts it because she does look great and tags that girl in it because he's rude] Janis: ['took a lot more photos when it last rained' we all remembering here] Jimmy: [looks at his imaginary watch and up at the sky like we've got loads of time] Janis: ['shows no sign of stopping' as if you're the kind of person who makes small talk about the weather] Jimmy: [breaks his silence to tell her to 'come here' because such a him thing to do] Janis: [crawling over so she's resting between his legs 'yeah?'] Jimmy: [takes some more pics of her like the art hoe he is so we can all pretend the lip bite is purely in concentration] Janis: ['can't say you aren't dedicated' purposefully doing the most] Jimmy: ['or that you're not inspiring' we can all imagine how his voice sounds] Janis: ['just my job' when likewise the tone is saying everything but] Jimmy: ['someone's gotta do it' but looking at her cos we all know he's glad it's her] Janis: [puts ☝️ up like, you said, first choice] Jimmy: ['you were' because it's true and obvious anyway by this point] Janis: ['let me show you why'] Jimmy: [casually stop breathing because she's the hottest person ever and makes you die] Janis: [return that favour gal] Jimmy: [say 'fuck' for that throwback] Janis: ['never done that, either'] Jimmy: ['I'll knock you a trophy up if you give me a bit of time' when you're not even taking the piss it was just that 🔥] Janis: [cuddles into him like, I can wait] Jimmy: [holding onto her really tightly because you don't wanna let go ever but you still think you've gotta] Janis: ['you cold?' 'cos you do have a hoodie between you 'so, again, somehow getting closer] Jimmy: [we taking the shameless excuse to snuggle and running with it] Janis: [can probably leave this night here?] Jimmy: [we've covered a lot of ground and it'll probably be long cos has the last bit of the school trip on it too so yeah] Janis: [can fall asleep here for a bit, no need for any further drama] Jimmy: [until he wakes up and she's already gone anyway lol lol lol] Janis: [that's the next convo baby]

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: You about? Janis: Here all week, like Janis: what's up? Jimmy: put the 🎤 down, I've got a different gig for you Jimmy: less funny but still a pisstake Janis: How well does it pay/will I still be the headliner Janis: dealbreakers, boy Jimmy: That's two questions that have nowt to do with each other Jimmy: you don't need the 💰💰 like you need the limelight, rich girl Janis: Oh, just call me an attention whore, that'll seal the deal 🙄 Janis: I'm just filling space where your question ain't yet Jimmy: what should is how 💕😍 I'll be all over socials Jimmy: slag for heroic acts, me Janis: What an offer 😏 Janis: Go on then, how am I saving your life today Jimmy: you're saving my 🐕 Jimmy: if you can Janis: It down a well? Janis: wrong way 'round, that Jimmy: Would I need your help if I knew where it'd pissed off to? Janis: I don't know, give me some details to work with Janis: when did you notice, how'd it get out, etc Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: just come here and help me look Janis: Where are you then Janis: Jesus Jimmy: I know you can't multitask, how do you reckon you're gonna 🙏 and 🏃? Jimmy: [sends her his location which would random af cos stubborn enough to be looking for ages before he asked for her help obvs] Janis: That's my whole life, dickhead Janis: alright, don't know what your dog would be doing there but I'll be there asap Jimmy: write the book on your own time, mate Jimmy: give it a cameo if you find it Janis: Sweet, you gonna draw the pictures? Jimmy: How well's that pay? Janis: Depends how cute you draw the 🐕 Jimmy: [sends her a deliberately crap quick doodle] Jimmy: there you are Janis: Bestseller, like Janis: so much 💰💰 Jimmy: I never said I'd write it for you an' all Janis: yeah well your grasp on the English language ain't all that so Janis: thank fuck Jimmy: you gonna write it in 🍀? Thank feck I won't be able to read a word Jimmy: can only fake so much enthusiasm Janis: Yeah, you aren't great at that either Janis: but let's not focus on your many, many faults Jimmy: Stop flirting with me, I'm busy Janis: Shut up Janis: What can I do but annoy you 'til I get there Jimmy: Have a look at what you just wrote Jimmy: you might do step 1 Janis: Charming Janis: I've been great, tah Jimmy: if it makes you feel better, we can pretend the 🐕 legged it with my 👑 Janis: What actually happened, toad Janis: unlocked gate or not coming back on a walk Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: reckon I might get some convo there? Janis: 👍 for the tip Jimmy: next one'll be 💰 Jimmy: it were there, he threw a strop and chucked it out, now it ain't Janis: Bummer Janis: we'll find it, probably Janis: got a collar or any shit like that? Jimmy: [sends a picture of him holding it like 😒 cos Twix wasn't wearing it, thanks Ian you dick] Janis: 👎 Jimmy: well helpful, you Janis: I'm on my way, dickhead Janis: I can't summon the thing with my mind, soz, I know you think I'm special Jimmy: meant to be #suchanathlete Jimmy: get a move on, dickhead Janis: You know I live in the middle of nowhere Janis: give me 5, at least Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: You thought I'd moved, yeah Janis: no such 🍀 Jimmy: keep 🙏 for that fake ldr Janis: not having to be 👀 with you would be such a bonus Janis: conference call that shit in Jimmy: not having to kiss you would be massively beneficial to me Jimmy: can't afford to lose any more body parts Janis: we'll find your dog and your ear, stop complaining Jimmy: 💕 Janis: personally, I think you look better without it Jimmy: you've got shit taste Janis: That's you, we've covered that Jimmy: you Janis: 🙄 Janis: take the 🥇 Jimmy: you earned it Janis: oh please Janis: you've run the gauntlet of shit taste olympics Jimmy: don't need to beg for owt, just take it, babe Jimmy: it's alright Janis: be quiet and keep looking Jimmy: been looking for ages Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: 😕 Jimmy: actually 💔 Janis: Your brother and sister helping you? Jimmy: That a dealbreaker an' all? Janis: Nah, just wondering Jimmy: if we can't find the 🐕 then I'll tell 'em Janis: No sense in upsetting 'em if you don't need to, yeah Jimmy: my dad don't need another knobhead 🏆 Jimmy: gonna have enough shit to pack up when we leave Janis: Right Janis: not really coming to protect your da though Janis: dogs cute though so Jimmy: I weren't gonna @ him that you 💕 him Jimmy: bit rude to Mr Lucas Janis: let's not pretend you're doing it on mine or his account though Janis: just don't want me to move in Jimmy: not as my step-mum Jimmy: it might be popular on other sites but it ain't likely to be #goals with our demographic Janis: The lads would like it but they're less vocal with their 💕 Jimmy: more about the body language Jimmy: one bit specifically Janis: doesn't translate well with insta likes and comments Janis: less you can get 'em with an accidental doubletap but their gfs are all over that shit Jimmy: got enough hysterical lasses in my DMs, tah Janis: the struggle is so real Janis: poor you, like Jimmy: [sends her a highlight reel cos imagine tbh] Janis: Do you reckon they ever reread what they write or just send Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: I reckon Bill's turning in his ⚰ Janis: romance is dead, mate Janis: 🥀 Jimmy: re-read and don't hit send, my dear Jimmy: we're trying to avoid 💔😭 for now Janis: 'course Janis: I didn't say dog Janis: optimistic, me Jimmy: won't have to chuck in a box if it is though Janis: don't be morbid Janis: only so much I can take after reading those messages Janis: feeling well 💀 Jimmy: You'll live Jimmy: I'm out of 🚬 so there's nowt but fresh air Janis: That's truly the most devastating thing you've ever said to me Janis: I can get some though Jimmy: You heard me say I've been 👀 for ages Janis: Poor stressed boy Jimmy: Don't take the piss Jimmy: I am Jimmy: I've got work in a bit Janis: 'course you are, your dog is missing Janis: I'm not far from you now so once I get the cigs and get there, I'll take over Jimmy: 👍 Janis: been looking on those cringey neighbourhood sites, if some do-gooder had got it or it'd been hit, it'd be on there and it ain't so that's something, yeah Jimmy: Tah Janis: no big Janis: I'm not a monster Jimmy: if I keep waking you this early, fuck knows what you'll end up looking like Janis: Funny Janis: I weren't asleep anyway, you're alright Jimmy: I get it, gotta stay 💪🏆 Janis: Vampires don't sleep, baby Jimmy: do in the day Jimmy: I should be tucking you in, instead of dragging you out Janis: Add it to your list of failings and crack on Jimmy: ✔ Janis: you smoke [brand] right? Jimmy: #whenshenoticestheshityoucareabout Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😂 Janis: Call it your defining feature Janis: along with the 😎 obvs Jimmy: duh Jimmy: nowt else going for me when this new boy shine wears through Janis: keep 🙏 for the day, like Jimmy: *🤞 Jimmy: me and JC don't know each other like that Janis: You don't know him, but he knows you Janis: not unlike your fans Jimmy: There's only room for one fit and mysterious lad round here so he'll have to do one back to the ☁ Janis: Hate the attention, you, well obvious 😏 Jimmy: I get it whether I want it or not Janis: They do Jesus dirty in the paintings Janis: can't compete with a selfie Jimmy: He knows what to do if he's fuming Janis: can't wait for the second coming when he fucks you right up Jimmy: #cancelled Jimmy: me either, sounds like a right laugh Janis: Miss me when I'm saved and you ain't Janis: how starcrossed ldr me from hell, bitch Jimmy: Suicide's a sin, baby, ain't you heard? Janis: so is most stuff, honestly Janis: but I'm 😇 looking Janis: gonna want me around Jimmy: no dickhead's hotter than 😈 don't you wanna be around him? Janis: 🙄 my type, yeah Jimmy: Do you want an answer for that? Janis: The devil loses in the end, you know Janis: back the winner Jimmy: love an underdog, me Jimmy: I get why you don't, rich girl Jimmy: probably get a 🦄☁ really kick that horse girl fantasy up a notch Janis: Animals don't have souls Janis: Catholic fun 101 Janis: gotta find your dog otherwise it's bad news all 'round Jimmy: 💔🐕⚰🎻☔ Janis: Cheery Janis: know you hate your job but plaster your customer service face on for me Jimmy: you inspired me with your little sermon there, like Janis: you deserved it, like Jimmy: For what? Janis: For implying I'd fuck the devil Jimmy: I never said owt of the sort Jimmy: just asking if you're off lads now 'cause of the one dickhead Janis: I don't think you can say all men are going to hell Janis: thought Asia would be 😍 for that sweeping statement Jimmy: I'll screenshot it for her Janis: 💘 Janis: cute Jimmy: where the fuck are you? Janis: ⛪ Janis: gotta go confess now, thanks a lot Janis: [sends actual location as she's coming up though like calm down] Jimmy: if you could rush it through 🤏 please Jimmy: I dunno, maybe pretend there's a character limit Janis: soz the priest is well invested in hearing all about me fucking the devil Jimmy: can't stop being goals, you Jimmy: come hell or high water Jimmy: tell him to put his 👅 and owt else back in Janis: Lord knows I may as well become a nun according to you Janis: get that good book and that good dick Jimmy: Oi I never said you should, I asked if you were Janis: Not really got the time, have I Jimmy: You've got all night 🧛 girl Jimmy: for a start Janis: When we're not fake out, sure Jimmy: I don't outstay my welcome at parties, that's the other dickhead Janis: This is all irrelevant Janis: and he can turn water into wine, he's never not welcome, boy Jimmy: I didn't mean him Janis: Now you're making it sound like I hooked up with Voldemort Jimmy: I dunno his name or @ do I? Janis: Ha, Harry, actually Jimmy: I never said I wanted to know it, but tah Janis: just trying to avoid Jesus related mixups, don't think he needs the ego boost if I'm honest Jimmy: 👌 Janis: This is you though, yeah Janis: hate to approach the wrong dickhead Janis: [waving like yo] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: Don't have a bottle of wine in my pocket that were water, soz, just that conditioned to be fake happy to see you Janis: [does 💔 hands 'right, show me where you usually walk her, the route, then you can fuck off whenever you need to'] Jimmy: [walking like a rude hoe not even gonna say hey or anything okay then] Janis: [just shrugging like okay then but purposefully keeping up pace so he can't march ahead] Jimmy: [we strutting in stressed silence] Janis: [on phone, but making a socials post like if you see this dog, 'cos Cass ain't gonna see it on hers so doesn't matter and could help] Jimmy: [nodding at her like thanks when he sees it] Janis: [shrugs again like nbd] Jimmy: [keep going lads that poor baby dog needs you] Janis: [hit all them doggy hotspots like the park etc] Jimmy: [I hope she's found a 🐕 friend or something so she's not all alone and forlorn] Janis: [my boo is #concerned] Jimmy: [I am, she's just a smol baby and they haven't trained her or anything] Janis: [least we aren't being too evil] Jimmy: [I could NEVER] Janis: [asking relevant Twix questions 'cos you care but also to have some convo] Jimmy: [acting like you don't know cos you hate that dog so much #lies] Janis: [lowkey like why am i looking then boy but just via looks not actually gonna say it] Jimmy: [basically being like don't then as if you haven't asked for her help with exactly this] Janis: [walks ahead like I'll keep doing this but we don't need to do this] Jimmy: [keeps up because doesn't wanna be his moody af father] Janis: [looks at him like alright?] Jimmy: [just looking back her because no but god forbid you talk about it ever] Janis: [makes face like yeah, I know and goes in her pocket 'nearly forgot' and hands him the cigarettes] Jimmy: [we know the drill by now, ladies first without even asking which works as a lowkey sorry for being a prick rn too so] Janis: ['cheers'] Jimmy: [the most dramatic exhale of smoke/sigh but not deliberately dramatic just how he's feeling rn cos he's running out of places to look like Twix where you at babe] Janis: [gently nudges his side with her shoulder like it'll be okay but not saying that 'cos can't promise it so, running ahead when you see a dog walker to ask if they've seen any dogs on their own] Jimmy: ? Janis: [jogging back over but not coming fully, like you gotta follow me 'she reckons there was a dog that didn't seem to be with anyone in [a park but not Twix's usual lol]'] Jimmy: [does follow her even though he probably doesn't know where that even is because literally me and could get lost anywhere] Janis: [now gotta search every bush in this park like hellooo] Jimmy: [gotta call her name like that's not lowkey awks for someone so 😎] Jimmy: [also I know this is serious business but 100% needs to push her into a bush like my mum did to me/ jump out from behind one just because] Janis: [we all know you're not cool but yeah, some pet names are really awks if you have to shout them lmao, also yes, even if you jump way more than you normally would 'cos tense situ and then you're 😒] Jimmy: [loling too much because it's one of those days and you gotta but not gonna help her 😒 face you'll have to get your own back gal] Janis: [just handing him some dog luring food she got and jogging off like I'll go this way] Jimmy: [she should get her because start of a beautiful friendship] Janis: [I vibe, I'll see if I have a pic of them were she looks buzzing/smug enough lol] Jimmy: [when you hug the bae because you're so relieved that the kids won't kick off or your dad or your manager cos you won't be late now but also because she stayed and actually helped you and like who does that ever] Janis: [Twix like lemme get in on that 'cos full of love] Jimmy: [shoutout to the mvp she is for stopping that becoming too much of a moment] Janis: [and being awkward or anything like that god bless 'see, all alright, yeah'] Jimmy: [when he's probably holding this dog cos 1. don't run off again and 2. she's hyper af and needs to be licking his face and snuggling him so he's 😒 and a look like is it though but we know you love Twix really] Janis: [lols 'she knows you missed her, like, you can't hide it'] Jimmy: [lowkey throws the dog at her with a piss off kinda look] Janis: [gives Twix some love and a 🙄 at him but not harsh] Jimmy: [does it back because always] Janis: ['no excuse to skive off work now though' face like gutted] Jimmy: ['you could've offered to phone in fake sick for me, bit rude' cos throwforward to when we actually did that haha] Janis: ['if they let their barista boys have time off for every new girl, they'd go out of business' shoutout to your hot colleagues the flat whites sexually harass] Jimmy: [oh pete I love you my darling but meanwhile Jimmy is just shrugging cos wouldn't care if the CG did tbh] Janis: [punching, there should be another word for that 'cos sounds so violent I just mean a friendly tap like, his arm, 'come on, I need the limelight, you need the paycheck'] Jimmy: ['you coming in for a latte then?' we 👀 you shamelessly wanting to spend time with her boy, deliberately saying latte because she would NEVER] Janis: [scoffs in DISGUST honey 'not your real girlfriend, boy, though with the heartbreak she's probably just necking double espressos, right?'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head 'drumming up business and a bae, so evil, you are' as if you didn't send the message lol] Jimmy: ['You did the evil deed, Judith, square that one with your priest an' all'] Janis: ['or, did I do you all a favour, think on that'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like you've only done me this one favour rn ever] Janis: ['that's alright, no need for a thank you card'] Jimmy: [writes leave it out in the air with a flourish] Janis: [😏 'when's your shift then and what are you gonna do with the dog?'] Jimmy: [does her trick of checking an imaginary watch 'might chuck an apron on her and give her a go with the steam wand' but we know he's really gonna nip home first so Twix can snuggle with the kids cos had an exciting morning and she just a baby] Janis: ['you really gonna give employee of the month away just like that' does loser sign then looks around like hmm, 'cos you in town now, what are you gonna do, ensue awks] Jimmy: ['Reckon I'm safe, it'll be all them espressos if nowt else' just lowkey drags her along with him, bit rude] Janis: [just like umm excuse me but doesn't not come along like] Jimmy: [looks at her and the dog and back like she's not home yet, the job's not done 'won't get fake girlfriend of the month by taking the piss'] Janis: [dramatic gasping like oh no 'I'm the only fake girlfriend you have, babe, 'less it's your ultimate #kinkunlocked'] Jimmy: [dramatic gasp back like he's been busted] Janis: ['it's alright, already knew you were a pervert' accidental LOOK] Jimmy: ['before you agreed or after?' and a LOOK back of course] Janis: ['that'd be telling'] Jimmy: ['So go on'] Janis: [shakes head 'who knew or knows anything about you, mystery boy?'] Jimmy: [winks at Twix as if she knows all his secrets] Janis: ['nerd' but we all know she thinks it's cute] Jimmy: ['Oi, you barely know her' cos he is a nerd] Janis: [gives her more fuss 'the bitch is cool'] Jimmy: ['steady on, she won't fit through the door'] Janis: 'but if we can wedge her in, she won't be able to get back out' taps head like tada 'you just hate when anyone else gets compliments'] Jimmy: ['Busted again, me. You're proper on one this morning, mate'] Janis: ['always am, you're just in a good mood 'cos your bestie is back'] Jimmy: [snorts like if you say so] Janis: ['ignore him, he's a right moody dickhead most the time' @Twix] Jimmy: ['ignore her, right comedian so she reckons, might get the hint one of these days' also @ twix] Janis: ['She knows who saved her, mate, team me all the way'] Jimmy: ['go on and take her home with you, hate to break both your hearts, obvs'] Janis: ['hate to break your little brother's though'] Jimmy: ['my sister would fight you for her any road, a black eye ain't gonna be goals like the bruises I give you'] Janis: [lols 'there we go then, shoulda kept that to yourself if you were tryna get me sparked out'] Jimmy: [gives her a OTT scandalised look like why would I do that 'if it ain't #goals it ain't a goal of mine, Jules'] Janis: [a look like yeah right] Jimmy: ['if you wanna have a scrap, crack on with pulling Asia's hair or something'] Janis: [🙄 'bitch fight ain't my scene, even faking it, soz to the punters who'd love it'] Jimmy: [the heartbroken hand mime again] Janis: ['such a boy' looking at Twix like can you believe him?] Jimmy: [looks down at himself like he's so shook cos biggest nerd] Janis: ['not a compliment, Pinocchio'] Jimmy: ['isn't it?'] Janis: ['I knew you were a boy, you can have that if you're short on love'] Jimmy: ['bit busy @ing my dad about how much of a lad you reckon I am, hang on'] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [lights another 🚬 cos 1. it's been a minute 2. such a lad 3.😎] Janis: #ladsladslads Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: such a flirt, you Janis: just so manly, bears repeating, obvs Jimmy: [nudges her like go on then tell the fans] Jimmy: gonna make me 😳 if you keep on Janis: Let me know if you've got it in you and I'll add it 'fore I hit send, like Jimmy: let me know if you've got it in you, more like Janis: You reckon I can't make you blush? Jimmy: do you reckon you can? Jimmy: that's the question Janis: Obviously I can Jimmy: What are you waiting for, a written invitation? Janis: Shut up Janis: I'm busy over here Jimmy: you're chatting bollocks over there Janis: The world needs to know the 🐶 is alive and well and you're such a #lad if you don't mind Jimmy: convenient timing that Janis: only a performing monkey when there's a crowd, you know that Jimmy: [a look like yeah right] Janis: [kicking his ankles like shh and not looking at him] Janis: you still owe me a good idea anyway Jimmy: I said blush not bleed, babe Janis: know what I prefer Jimmy: #kinkunlocked ages ago 🧛 girl Janis: then be nice and give me what I want Jimmy: [gives her a look like what do you want] Janis: [the 'you know' coming out before you can even think to stop yourself, then shaking your head and pointing at your fangs with a smirk like duh] Jimmy: [sets his phone camera on a timer like this is how long you've got to try and make me 😳 or bleed and gestures her over to a bench like] Janis: [doing a big sigh as if you're all ugh but really it's 'cos you're nervous but shh, once he's sat down, sitting in his lap of course but making a point of seeing if you're in-frame so we've got the pretense for how real you're shamelessly gonna be, looking at him properly 'Jimmy, I missed you'] Jimmy: [saying her name back because the only other time he has was when he was annoyed and that is simply not allowed thank you and hitting her with the 😍 #tooreal] Janis: [shuffling closer to him into his lap somehow when he says your name and smoothing his hair off his face with both hands then letting them come to rest on his shoulders, giving them a little massage 'I mean it' #whenthecameraisrollingandyouvebeenchallenegedsoyoucansaythisisallpretendifyouhaveto #adangerousgame] Jimmy: [so into it and would be even if he hadn't had the most stressful morning ever but because he has and because we can say it's fake SUCH A SOUND 'I know, I can tell' #boywhyhaveyoustartedsomethingyouliterallyhaveworktogotosoon] Janis: ['Can you tell just how bad though?' when moving closer has turned into grinding on him shamelessly] Jimmy: [a nod because speaking is dangerous rn fake or real] Janis: ['what else do you wanna know?'] Jimmy: ['What else do you want me to know?'] Janis: [tilting your head to one side like you're thinking, still rubbing his shoulders 'depends'] Jimmy: [his eyes closing because it feels nice which is not the word tbh 'on what?' because I have to ask] Janis: [little kisses on his eyelids then whispering in his ear 'if you're ready to know it all'] Jimmy: [have to kiss her to keep it vague and save our lives because is that a this is how ready I am or is it I'm kissing you so I don't have to answer] Janis: [either way, a kiss moment honey] Jimmy: [like we know the answer lads but we can't out Jimothy that hard right here right now so gotta keep you guessing babe] Janis: [finally breaking off the kiss, so reluctantly, 'Did you blush?'] Jimmy: [gives her his phone so she can look because shamelessly buying himself some recovery time after that] Janis: [not getting off him, just resting your head on his chest whilst you watch this back like comfy are we] Jimmy: [just playing with her hair like you're trying to fix whatever mess you made of it during that kiss, we see your flimsy excuse boy cos you're not being that soft about it rn] Janis: [making a noise like did you have to or can you legitimately not help it rn] Jimmy: [if he wasn't blushing before he is now thank god she's looking at this phone] Janis: ['that was definitely a blush there' pointing at some point in that recording like see, looking up at him 'you look cute'] Jimmy: ['you're taking the piss' because works for both things she said and he's a boy of few words] Janis: [shakes head like nu-uh] Jimmy: [pokes her like yeah you are] Janis: [boops his nose like no I'm not] Jimmy: [still has his hand on her waist after poking her so tickles her of course] Janis: ['don't drop me' so dramatically] Jimmy: [fakes like he is gonna drop her which makes twix cray] Janis: [just a look like see? she loves me] Jimmy: [such a dramatic sigh like ugh he's so over you both #lies] Janis: ['be nice'] Jimmy: ['or what?'] Janis: [raising a brow 'you're ready to find that out, yeah?'] Jimmy: [raises his own back at her 'why wouldn't I be? The scaredy cat's you'] Janis: [puts a finger to his lips dramatically like shh and nods to Twix 'she'll hear you'] Jimmy: [irl 👍 because good I hope she do] Janis: ['you're so jealous of our love, honestly'] Jimmy: ['bit busy with my own, she's a handful, like' oh Asia god bless] Janis: ['yeah I've heard about her cup size, thanks' 🙄] Jimmy: [lil lol] Janis: [finally getting off him like hmpf on the low] Jimmy: ['you've got nowt to be jealous of' is he being real or fake we'll never know] Janis: ['duh' and getting up up 'better get this dog back or you'll be late'] Jimmy: [literally has never wanted to go to work less in his life but come on lads] Janis: [we just walking along merrily like that didn't happen] Jimmy: [#socasual] Janis: [so casual nbd we're all friends here, is gonna need a 🚬 though but never asking just accosting him like 'scuse me] Jimmy: [do something else with your hands and mouths kids, cos you know he has to have one too even though he's had so many today already] Janis: [oh Twix, you rascally babe] Jimmy: [it's all Ian's fault as per] Janis: [at least something good came of it but not getting the credit for that] Jimmy: ['gonna have to get her chipped' thinking out loud cos you know Ian hasn't sorted that or wants the expense] Janis: [nods 'don't take a second, like'] Jimmy: [a look like that's good cos when do I have a sec but then shrugs cos gonna be so unbothered] Janis: [shrugs back 'might be just as easy to look at your fence sitch for puppy-sized holes'] Jimmy: ['I get it, I'm SUCH a lad, no need to go overboard' 😏] Janis: [shakes head 😏 'alright, get your sister to if you can't deal'] Jimmy: ['volunteering to wake her up and tell her to crack on, are you?' 😏 'Tah, babe, willing to go proper above and beyond, you'] Janis: [noise like psh no thank you lol 'way above my paygrade, ask Asia, I'd happily watch that'] Jimmy: [such a lol] Janis: [actual smile] Jimmy: [control your 😍 boy by nodding at the dog 'reckon you've done enough for a bit' cos genuinely is grateful we know] Janis: [forget about it gesture 'favour for the dog, really'] Jimmy: ['probably would've been kinda to let her find a new bunch of dickheads' when you're joking but you're also actually not] Jimmy: [*kinder] Janis: ['now you tell me' but nudges him like come on, you ain't that bad] Jimmy: [nudges her back 'yeah 'cause I missed you an' all' is he being fake about needing to see her so bad #theanswerisno] Janis: [looks at Twix like ?! 'is this even your dog?' 😏] Jimmy: ['Nah' cos lbr he's too 😎 for a dog like this thanks for that Ian] Janis: ['OMG, you're like soulmates' 🖤 hands] Jimmy: [gives her a look cos she said Twix was her true love and he was jealous before, like make your mind up] Janis: ['that's why you're jealous' points at Twix 'player'] Jimmy: ['you wish, dickhead'] Janis: [a look like obvs, dickhead] Jimmy: [blows a smoke ring at her in a sassy manner like there's your 💍] Janis: [waves it away 'show-off'] Jimmy: ['first place or nowt, baby'] Janis: ['have to show me how to do it sometime, like'] Jimmy: ['I'll edit it to look like you got the knack first time, keep shit goals'] Janis: [😒 'be a better teacher then, wanker'] Jimmy: ['I've already got owt else that Mr Lucas could possibly want, be cruel that'] Janis: ['cept my heart, but shh'] Jimmy: ['far as he knows I have'] Janis: ['he all up on the socials, you reckon?' face like ew] Jimmy: ['first in, last out' and a dramatic shiver like GROSS] Janis: ['least he won't dob us in if he wants more of that sweet, sweet #content' irl equivalent of 🤢] Jimmy: [sighs like our work's never done 'UGH, we'll just have to find another way to get in trouble at school' and a LOOK] Janis: [a LOOK back 'basically my specialty'] Jimmy: ['don't sound like you that' because she's so 😇 obvs] Janis: ['wait and see' 'cos you only did that one project together then school trip] Jimmy: ['Alright' when you're agreeing to still be doing this after the holidays unthinkingly there] Janis: [probably get to his house, assumedly the first time] Jimmy: [go throw Twix in with those snoozy kids and get ready for work quickly sir] Janis: [jus' chillin' like why am I still here lowkey] Jimmy: put the kettle on, rich girl Jimmy: [draws her a doodle of one like she's never seen one because got staff] Janis: 😱 Janis: don't know how you take your tea Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you better leave Janis: this fake relationship just proved too fake Jimmy: we're over, off you go Janis: would you rather I guess and give you a shit cup Janis: come on Jimmy: might do Jimmy: but if you ain't up for the challenge Janis: You're ridiculous Janis: but fine Jimmy: #mayberidiculouswillbeouralways Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [did I fever dream that they take their tea the same way which was milk and two sugars? because I'm sure we said that in another convo but idk] Janis: [I also remember that and is how she's gonna make it so get ready to FALL IN LOVE BOY] Jimmy: [he's not gonna be able to control the 😍] Janis: would sir like his tea upstairs or down? Jimmy: [appears like the 👻 he is looking like a snack in his barista uniform which realistically she might not have seen before this] Janis: [when he actually looks good so you have to be OTT fake about it] Jimmy: [when you try the tea and you're like!!! so you have to be all like 'Oi' and call her a cheat] Janis: ['how could I, you got it written down somewhere in case you forget?' lols] Jimmy: [do the I'm watching you thing @ her all 😒] Janis: ['you just take your tea the only correct way, doesn't mean we're fated, calm down'] Jimmy: ['keep that to yourself' drinking that excellent tea] Janis: [🤐] Jimmy: [unzips her like but drink your tea] Janis: ['nerd' but does, of course] Jimmy: [holds his finger up like when you have an aha moment and starts looking in her mouth like a dentist in the manner of oh while it's unzipped lemme just] Janis: ['gross!' moving away so faux offended 'what are you doing, weirdo?'] Jimmy: ['lost an earring, gotta check you ain't swallowed it, girl' such a nerd goodbye] Janis: ['vampire, not a thief' look like how dare you] Jimmy: [' still stole my heart though' cos gotta be OTT fake sometimes] Janis: [finger guns at his chest] Jimmy: [gun at his head and death again] Janis: ['hot'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: 'who's on shift today?' like she knows] Jimmy: [shrugs because could not care less] Janis: [tuts but 😏] Jimmy: [gestures like come on let's go find out] Janis: [shrugs like okay 'I've got a few to kill'] Jimmy: [nods to the imaginary watch cos it's unspoken acknowledgement that the flat whites won't be there that early and she can leave before they are] Janis: ['heaven forbid they leave the house before applying 50 layers of foundation, shit is time-consuming'] Jimmy: [so triggered thinking about his northern ex rn like the horrified facial expression would be so genuine] Janis: [nod of approval 'good acting'] Jimmy: [does the polishing his medal he's wearing mime] Janis: [when it's your nametag 'who the fuck is Jamie?'] Jimmy: ['you ain't met him? honestly gutted for you'] Janis: ['will he be on shift today?' skipping like you're so buzzing at the prospect] Jimmy: ['wait and see' cos word theft] Janis: ['ugh, tease'] Jimmy: ['Not trying to turn you on, calm down'] Janis: ['Jamie might be' shrug like don't count me out yet tah] Jimmy: [shrugs back 'he's a starving artist, owt for tips'] Janis: ['fuck you' 😒] Jimmy: ['fuck him, being right dickhead makes him your type'] Janis: ['good' like I intend to, oh honey lol] Jimmy: 'good' boy how you gonna be jealous of someone who doesn't exist] Janis: [when it's literally you lmao] Jimmy: [also he so hasn't posted that bench moment let it be known] Janis: [that's for the best literally no one has asked for that content] Jimmy: [haven't deleted it though have you my dear 👀 you] Janis: [we all know that was shameless so we're not thinking or talking about it ladeeda] Jimmy: [get into work boy, get busy cos we know you're thinking about fuck all else] Janis: [chilling not at all casually at a table] Jimmy: [make her that first ever 💣 smoothie please and thank] Janis: that your specialty? Jimmy: what? Janis: smoothies and juices and shit Jimmy: @CG_FAQ or whatever it is Janis: I get it, you're very busy Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: [serves some business person trying to get a coffee but is looking at her like 🙄😏] Janis: [💔 hands and shamelessly having a nose at his co-workers] Jimmy: [Pete is 100% there, hey babe] Jimmy: So? Go on then Janis: ? Jimmy: Do you like it? Janis: I didn't ask if it were your specialty to take the piss, like Janis: s'good Jimmy: I'll @ my manager Janis: I can do it for you Janis: seems appropraitely fake girlfriend of me Jimmy: I get it, it would be goals to get sacked for having a scrap with him when he's 😍 for you Jimmy: 🥇 plan Janis: I'm not getting you sacked Janis: how many IOUs would that warrant, like, no thanks Jimmy: you're meant to want to spend every second of every day with me, play the game, Janet Jimmy: what kind of fake girlfriend Janis: fine Janis: just 🤞 he's the hot one Janis: [going to chat to Pete] Jimmy: he ain't here, wouldn't have to @ him if he were Jimmy: the accent ain't that hard to understand Janis: oh well, now he'll pass that along for you Jimmy: Tah Janis: [sits back down like you're welcome] Jimmy: you hungry? Janis: I could eat Jimmy: [gets her whatever sucks the least] Janis: Tah Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Steady on, nowt on the menu's 👍 Janis: that was for you Janis: if I go up to the tip jar now I'll just look keen Jimmy: 💕 Janis: is that for me? Jimmy: Do you see any of my other girlfriends about? Janis: [does fake check] Janis: thankfully not Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: so special Jimmy: you're alright Janis: 😂 Jimmy: I mean it Janis: Alright then Janis: you too Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I don't want your tacked on you an' all Janis: well I mean it too Janis: I can't say it 'cos you got in there first, psh Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: dry your eyes and eat your food, mate Janis: alright, dad Janis: focus on one job at a time Jimmy: edit that nickname a bit and you're good to # Janis: we're not fake there yet Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Sorry Janis: know you're the right age but that's about it Jimmy: RUDE Janis: Shh Jimmy: I will not Jimmy: and there's nowt you can do about it Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't you hate a chatty barista Jimmy: I ain't serving you Jimmy: already have done Janis: yeah, some daddy 😏 Jimmy: funny Janis: you've got my best work for the day Janis: 'til I workout anyway Jimmy: lucky me Janis: don't be rude Janis: saved your life Jimmy: you started it Janis: If you want me to call you that, put it in a contract and get me to sign Janis: that's not rude Jimmy: twist your own arm and 🖋🩸 your own oath, bit busy here Janis: Very impressed Jimmy: admitting how easily you are ain't very 🥇 Jimmy: you might wanna 🤐 Janis: Not got time for sarcasm either? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: When have I ever had time for your pisstaking? Janis: awh 😭 Jimmy: enjoy the 🎻🎻 I left you both your 👂s Janis: well aren't you generous Janis: tell everyone how not hard you go with it Jimmy: that rich v poor divide just keeps rearing it's head #awks Jimmy: and you're in the wrong 🗨 if you reckon every word's getting screenshotted Jimmy: @💀👑 not 😎🚬 Janis: oh, you mean my true love, yeah Jimmy: if the hair extensions fit Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'm gonna go see where they're @ Janis: brb Janis: [out tha door] Jimmy: in a bit Jimmy: [but watching her go like a forlorn 🐕] Janis: [going to the gym obvs 'cos got to go work this out can't sit in the tension this long without needing a moment] Jimmy: [do some work bitch but not actually because I like to imagine him drawing Twix on a wanted poster but doing an ^ un next to the wanted to sass her and posting that at some point #arthoe] Janis: [puppydog eyes selfie you do not need to send re. that poster] Jimmy: You pull a muscle? Jimmy: Hang on, I'll be right there to carry you out Janis: Defending my lady from your savage and swift pen, thank you very much Jimmy: go on Janis: Come here and I'll 🥊 ya Janis: only got the 🥺'til then, and it's harder to make you 😳 from afar too Janis: besides, wouldn't wanna make your customers even more inappropriate with you, even you don't deserve that, like Jimmy: if the subject of my 🎨 was such a dealbreaker you should've stuck around to be inspiring Jimmy: but alright, the selfie's a start Janis: A start, yeah? Jimmy: you heard Janis: Aside from my blood, what else do you want/require? Jimmy: is that a trick question? Janis: No Janis: wanna be as 🥇 a muse as a fake girlfriend Jimmy: if you were 🥇 you wouldn't need me to tell you owt Janis: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: and you're meant to teach me how to blow smoke rings too Jimmy: I'm due a break, gimme a shout when you're done 💪 Janis: don't you wanna take a break break Janis: my current muse abilities will get me through the day alright Jimmy: and you admitting what hard work you are will get me through this shift alright Janis: that'll be why you want me to come back Jimmy: take both my jobs seriously, me Janis: hard work, I remember Janis: another #kinkunlocked Janis: I can give you that punishment, if you really want Jimmy: hot Janis: of course Janis: not a total amateur Jimmy: fooled me Janis: piss off Jimmy: [a little doodle he's drawn of her based on that selfie she sent but a deliberately quick one so we don't get into the #feels of drawing her properly yet] Janis: 🎨🖌 Jimmy: you looked cute Jimmy: [cos gotta steal her words from earlier] Janis: dead convincing, babe 😏 Janis: am I still coming or have you powered through with that picture? Jimmy: Do you still wanna come or are you too 😍💕 to be around me now you've 👀 that masterpiece? Janis: Obviously I need a moment Jimmy: duh Janis: not just to shower or anything, like Janis: full swooning time Jimmy: I get it, making lasses go weak at the knees is my full time occupation Jimmy: ☕ just a prop Janis: Do you pay tax on that? Jimmy: Who sounds like a dad now? Janis: 💰💰 is all I care about, of course Jimmy: with the wrong lad then Janis: take the bragging right of being just that good then, eh Jimmy: you trying to make me 😳 from afar? Jimmy: never stop, you Janis: that a request or a comment? Jimmy: What do you reckon? Janis: Maybe I'll pretend it's the option I prefer regardless Jimmy: can do Janis: tah for the permission Jimmy: well generous, me Jimmy: you said it Janis: I mostly meant it and all 😘 Jimmy: never said owt you don't, obvs 😘 Janis: especially not to you, baby Jimmy: stop making me miss you if you ain't showing up Janis: Stop distracting me and I'll be with you sooner Jimmy: you started it Janis: I purposely left so I didn't Janis: 😇 Jimmy: you did it before you left Janis: when? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I wanna know what distracted you Jimmy: you do Janis: Okay Janis: I wish you would tell me Jimmy: I don't have the words Jimmy: Bill's 👻 ain't here Janis: What's his order? Janis: tell me that Jimmy: Macchiato Jimmy: he's a slag for espresso but he 💕 foam 🎨 Janis: 😂 Janis: good answer, you really know all your customers Jimmy: that employee of the month 🏆 as good as has Jamie on it Janis: wait Janis: 😑 ugh Jimmy: ? Janis: Jamie isn't real Jimmy: What? Jimmy: 'course he is Jimmy: 👀 right at him Janis: 💔 Janis: why would you hurt me like this Janis: I was so excited to 👀 him Jimmy: He's got all the words for how distracting you are Jimmy: I probably shouldn't let you see him Janis: Please Jimmy: I dunno, he's a bit keen Janis: how keen? Jimmy: Bill'd be about it Janis: intriguing Jimmy: he is that Janis: How can I meet him? Jimmy: Haven't you got a plan? Jimmy: must not be that keen yourself Janis: I've only got to prove to Jamie how keen I am Jimmy: 🤞 he's easier to impress than me Janis: as easy as you are to make blush, I'll be 🤤 Jimmy: unless it's as easy as you are to make 😳 you'll be 💔 Janis: Do you want me to be 💔? Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: Won't it be awkward for you? Janis: me and Jamie Jimmy: You doing this to try and make shit awkward for me? Bill will be gutted he missed the #drama Janis: That's not what I'm trying to do Jimmy: We've covered that I don't care what you do, Jules Janis: That's alright then Janis: I'll crack on Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what? Janis: you've made me so 😭 Jimmy: Baby Janis: make it up to me? Jimmy: how? Janis: hmm Jimmy: Oi, don't leave me in suspense Janis: I mean, what's a fair trade for making Jamie so hot and so fake really Janis: you owe me more than a cigarette Jimmy: nowt ain't fair trade here, what do you want? Janis: 😏 Janis: nerd Jimmy: hate to disappoint Janis: Baby, you could never Jimmy: if you're 😭 I've let myself down though Janis: depends Janis: that lot are so permanently 😭 they must consider it goals Jimmy: Nah, you just can't put nowt they do in the #goals category Janis: you know how to make me 😊 Jimmy: you look so goals when you are, I have to Jimmy: it's a 🥇😊 Janis: 😳 easy, yeah Jimmy: take the 🏆 Janis: alright Jimmy: is it? Janis: why wouldn't it be? Jimmy: It's not usually that easy Janis: you've told me three times now, hard work Jimmy: I know, it were me who said it Janis: yeah Janis: a lot gets said Jimmy: loads of # an' all Janis: it's like reading between the lines Jimmy: @ Bill's 👻 Janis: okay, convo 💀 got it Jimmy: come on Janis: Bill's is a macchiato, so I've heard Jimmy: He'll take a cold brew if it's ☀ Janis: Make me hate him more, honestly Jimmy: he's just trying to stay #relevant Janis: oh Bill 💔 Janis: ain't we all? Jimmy: would love to be irrelevant, me Jimmy: it's a hard life being this fit and mysterious 🎻💔 Janis: preaching to the preacher Janis: what a cross to bear Jimmy: don't rub it in that he's only got 😍 for you, girl Jimmy: 💔👴 Jimmy: I'm so 😭😭 and 😠😠 Janis: Oh baby boy Janis: I don't think a sexy old man costume is gonna be convincing enough Janis: gotta let you spread your wings Jimmy: too right it won't Janis: Well, I'm so SORRY I'm not enough for you! Jimmy: you should be Janis: you are so rude OMG Jimmy: you're so young and fit, it's well out of order Jimmy: what am I meant to do with that? Jimmy: gimme something to work with here, for fuck's sake Janis: God, when I signed up for a pervy older boyfriend, this is NOT how I imagined it Janis: fetishize my innocence ffs! Janis: like, you aren't even gonna try and use my inexperience to your advantage, WTF?! Jimmy: I dunno what to tell you, Joanne, dad's are a disappointment Jimmy: fucked if that weren't the type of daddy you were hoping for Janis: 😂 Janis: my own ain't such goals I'm tryna get another just like him, nah Jimmy: and I ain't got the 💰💰💰 so that's pissed on that angle Janis: guess it don't make no sense to keep you about Jimmy: on you go Jimmy: keep walking Janis: it's not been real Jimmy: it were real, baby and we were 🥇 Janis: 💕 Janis: very 😎 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Jimmy: nowt to live for now Janis: nowt to die for either Janis: but if you're ready to take that break now, Mr Brightside Janis: [showing up outside like hello] Jimmy: [appears as fast as he can considering he's meant to be working hard] Janis: ['alright?'] Jimmy: ['you?' because can never answer anything ugh] Janis: [nods but the slightly awkward vibe again 'cos becoming less clear what's fake, what's pisstake and what's real every day yo] Jimmy: [ain't that the tea, lights them both a 🚬 cos of course he does] Janis: [takes it, grateful for the distraction as per, after a while, getting more comfortable in front of him again 'you are a dickhead though'] Jimmy: [gives her such an offended look like excuse you 'yeah but what've I done now?'] Janis: [taps his name badge like hi, Jamie but smirks and shrugs 'don't actually owe me anything for it though, guess I see the potential funny side of it when you're surrounded by dull basic bitches all day every day, like'] Jimmy: [takes off the badge and chucks it dramatically even though he'll have to pick that up before he goes back in but the gesture stands like ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?] Janis: [lols 'yes, that is exactly what I wanted, you nutter'] Jimmy: ['Good'] Janis: [just doing the thing where you're trying not to look so you just keep doing lots of little looks] Jimmy: ['What we doing in a bit?' because you're already thinking about her leaving after this and you don't want to not see her later] Janis: [shrugs again 'until our peers actually wake up and plan parties, the diary's free' 'cos most teens are so lazy compared to these two so who knows yet, oh I was thinking though we should do a rave and/or a festival moment with them in this hol both would work well as prolonged fake dating but also the scenes are busy enough they wouldn't have to be ON the whole time but we know they would 'cos shameless] Jimmy: [yaaaaaaaaaaaaas I love that, we could totally do both like a rave in a warehouse moment that's just a night but then a festival that's a couple of days maybe because he'd be so ! about leaving the kids behind then but not something he can take them to] Jimmy: ['we could do' cos imagine them trying to plan a party please] Janis: [I agree, I think they're both valid plans, 'cos everyone could be at both, so we can have whatever we wanna/need to happen happen] Janis: [raises her brows like whaaaa but then tilts her head like she's thinking about it 'well we are basically prom king and queen of the moment so'] Jimmy: ['I get that you might be worried 'cause of being a massively shit host but you'll have me' 😏] Janis: [tuts at him loudly 'like I actually want any of the cunts 'round here to ever have a good time' a look like do you know who you're talking to rn but then 😏 'would be worth it to beat them at their own game though, obviously'] Jimmy: ['we need somewhere we can properly trash, so we can have a good time if nowt else' because not doing it at his gaff cos of the kids as much as I'd love to annoy Ian and we want somewhere aesthetic because art hoe] Janis: [taps her head like good idea and now I'm thinking on it] Jimmy: ['I hadn't forgot I owed you one, babe, but you've still gotta help a new boy out on the actual where, soz' scrunches his face up like ugh I know, I'm the WORST] Janis: [squishing his squishy face always 'don't reckon even MY bathroom is big enough to host a decent party, sadly' #bathgateforever] Jimmy: [grins because that's given him an idea 'Alright but how badly do you want your REAL boyfriend's and biggest fan's attention? 'cause there's one place I've yet to get lost on my way to'] Janis: [the IRL equivalent of ? but excited with it like tell me bitch] Jimmy: ['how about we do it at school, my dear'] Janis: ['okay, that's a really fucking good idea' the biggest 😈 grin] Jimmy: [when you're buzzing because you thought she'd say no because of all the possible trouble you could get in, which we know is why you're doing it Jimothy the mood being fuck you Ian 5eva] Janis: [little do you know how ready she is to burn it all to the ground at any point lmao 'I'd kiss you if that weren't a punishment'] Jimmy: [irl 😘 'you know how Bill feels about lasses who doth protest'] Janis: [when we all know you meant it the other way 'round and the temptation to say as much is REAL but trumped by the desire to see this plan through/keep being 'friends' so you just smirk and hit him with a 'yeah, yeah' and move on with details 'I reckon most people will be dead up for it, long as they can run and deny all knowledge of the who and the how when shit hits the fan, like'] Jimmy: ['tonight then?' because the EGO of this boy who thinks he can pull this together and off in a few hours] Janis: ['why not' flicking the remains of her cigarette away with a flourish 'use how fast news travels 'round here to our advantage, as per' shrugs 'standard, really'] Jimmy: ['the dress code's black, that's the hill I'll die on' flips down imaginary 😎] Janis: ['fine by me' runs tongue across imaginary fangs like duh 'they can always fall back on their school uniform if they get stuck, bit cliche for my taste but they are so' a what can you do? shrug] Jimmy: ['pjs for you, girl, better hit the shops now if you're down to the emergency pink pair, like' shrugs back but 😏 as he looks at his actual real watch] Janis: [rolls her eyes at the suggestion and the implication she wears pink PJs, pushes him gently towards the door 'get back to work so we can get to work sooner, I'll catch you later'] Jimmy: [just looking at her because he does not want to gdi but then has to add an OTT pout because too real] Janis: [likewise so obviously has to be as OTT back 'parting is such sweet sorrow, yeah babe?'] Jimmy: [when you just hug her again like you did earlier before you can stop yourself like okay this is a thing we're doing with each other now bye] Janis: [just leaning into that like you're such a hugger usually sure] Jimmy: [we're just friends who casually hug yep] Janis: [so casual] Jimmy: [go back in and try not be distracted by your feelings and your big plans boy] Janis: are we taking credit or are we putting this out anon? Jimmy: Don't you want the 🏆? Janis: you just want a reunion with your 👮 pals, obvs Janis: I don't care, it'll out either way so may as well own it, I guess, if you're alright with that too Jimmy: You said you wanted to beat these dickheads at their own game, bit hard to do if they don't know we're playing Janis: can't cough without 10 people commenting on it 'round here anyway Janis: and who else would actually have such a 🔥💡 either Jimmy: There you go then Janis: 👍 Janis: no need to post yet, do it closer to the time it causes more hype/no time for it to get shut down Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: You done this before? Janis: Party planning or breaking into the school? Jimmy: I already know you break into the school regularly for secret trysts with your 💕 Janis: no need when he's got the key 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: There's every need when he's 😍😍🤤 for danger Jimmy: unless his ultimate #kinkunlocked is your innocence Janis: Can only assume he 👂 to all those virgin rumours Jimmy: until I came about and he discovered he's all about that cuckold life Janis: all 👀 now Janis: from inside the wardrobe or whatever the fuck 😬😂 Jimmy: be loads of places he can 👀 tonight Janis: True Janis: loads of places to hide too, at least Jimmy: 👻 Jimmy: such an athlete, nowt you can do but run Janis: Not scared of you, like Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: first thing I learned about you is how 🙀 you are Janis: Well, no need to insult your intelligence rn Jimmy: #notthickjustnorthern Janis: 'course, hun 😘 Jimmy: ILY babes 💕 Jimmy: tah for keeping it so real with me there Janis: you know me, keep it 💯👌🙏 Jimmy: fave thing about you, that Janis: Awh Janis: so cute! 💖 Jimmy: you know me, never off Janis: OMG, that's like, totally in my top 3 favourite things about you Janis: so crazy Jimmy: 🤖 kink unlocked 🎟 please Janis: erm have you know none of my friends require batteries THANKS Jimmy: 'cause none of 'em are fwb obvs Janis: do you reckon this party is the time or place to announce that downgrade in relationship Janis: get it together 👏 Jimmy: Depends Janis: If you've got a 📢 to hand? Jimmy: well I were gonna say on Mr Lucas but now I'm fuming that you're doubting the size of my gob Jimmy: Asia would never Jimmy: she knows 📏 matters Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll make sure to spread that 'round then, if that's the new rep you want Jimmy: if you ain't got enough to do, I'll @ my manager about some shifts we've got going Jimmy: put a decent enough word in for you, mate Janis: I'll go in for the cliche getting the hot one to train me but then I'm getting sacked before any of the skeleton gang comes through Jimmy: I would but I'm forced to spend enough time with you as is Janis: 🙄 you and your big head can get out the way, tah Jimmy: it's proper sweet of you to fake failing eyesight for me but you still ain't 👵💕 soz Janis: I knew you'd end up going fully dellusional Janis: gonna take ages to deprogram you 🤖 Jimmy: just hit the kill switch Janis: don't 👻 or @ me 'til I've finished my trial shift, thank you Janis: RIP 🌹 Jimmy: Ugh Jimmy: so hard to please, you Jimmy: 🥀💔 Janis: just tryna save your lil ghostie 👀 and 🖤 Janis: 'less you're really the one who's into waiting in the cupboard 🤔 Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Will do Janis: got shit to get, PJs to cop Jimmy: RIP to my concentration Jimmy: such a distracting mental image, that Janis: was your request Janis: so entirely your fault Jimmy: you doing what you're told now? 🤤🤤😍 Janis: Depends Jimmy: ? Janis: just how pink the selection is Jimmy: duh, I should've worked that one out Janis: also if I can find any without the sassy slogans slapped all over Jimmy: #whenyou'retoobittertobejuicy Janis: 😱 Janis: how Janis: DARE Janis: you Jimmy: 😏 Janis: no matching set for you now Jimmy: 💔😭 Jimmy: Baby please Janis: You'll have to dress yourself now Janis: as a straight lad, we all know you're incapable Jimmy: come on, be nice to me Janis: Why? Janis: you're so mean to me Jimmy: 😱😱😱😱 Jimmy: never Janis: and now you're gonna gaslight me Janis: so typical 👌 Jimmy: Truce? Janis: Hmm Janis: calling that suspiciously fast Jimmy: No kid wants to have a party where their mum and dad are scrapping in the back Janis: Alright Janis: though I did not agree to raise any child with you Jimmy: I'll chuck the bag of flour before I get there then Jimmy: ain't named it or owt Janis: awh it looks like you Janis: so sweet 😂 Jimmy: might have to call him Jamie Janis: insensitive tbh Jimmy: don't sound like me at all Jimmy: is this gonna be the shortest truce EVER or what? Janis: if you're happy for me to be wistfully thinking about Jamie all the time Janis: then crack on, no arguments here Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Oh Jamie Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: wish the school had a balcony Janis: fuck knows where I'm lamenting from Jimmy: get on the roof, girl Janis: 💀 pact request or? Janis: either way 👍 Jimmy: You still taking on board my requests or? Jimmy: #didwepeakwithpjs? Janis: wishing you used your wishes more wisely now? Jimmy: Is that a trick question? Jimmy: there's nowt wiser Jimmy: get you some slippers and we're near to 💕👵 Janis: 🖕 Dickhead Janis: the idea is to make everyone else 😩 not you Jimmy: we do Jimmy: nowt I can do about your face Jimmy: or your body Janis: devastating news Jimmy: I've had my 😭 about it Jimmy: old news Janis: let me mourn, god Jimmy: crack on Janis: [later] Janis: you out yet Jimmy: What do you need a hand to carry now? Janis: rude Janis: I'm bored Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: where are you? Janis: [a random location in town] Janis: been reminded why I hate shopping Jimmy: you don't wanna take #goals selfies with me then? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: obviously Janis: gotta get something out of it Jimmy: meet me at [somewhere they can be goals af] Jimmy: 🤞 I don't get lost Janis: Come on Janis: you must know your way a bit by now Janis: not that far Jimmy: yeah go there all the time, me Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: I'll start walking Janis: don't wanna make another poster Jimmy: but you LOVED the first one I done Janis: you're very talented Jimmy: 🙄🖕 Janis: Take a compliment, boy Jimmy: Give one that ain't a pisstake, girl Janis: Ugh Janis: that might be a challenge too far Jimmy: then like I said 🙄🖕 Jimmy: and you shut up, trying to get my bearings here Janis: you're adorable when you're lost Janis: that's sincere Jimmy: Where the fuck? Jimmy: this town is some bollocks Jimmy: can't find nowt Janis: See, precious Janis: did you live in a town before or like down a mine or whatever the fuck Jimmy: canary in a little cage, me Jimmy: just a lad and his 🎻 Jimmy: just the one 🥧 crust to ration out Janis: 💔 Janis: we get it, you can act alright 😏 Janis: the sob story ain't gonna save you now Jimmy: Are you gonna? Janis: don't I always? Jimmy: 💪🏆 you Janis: Tweet it so I know it's real Jimmy: [cue dramatic and 💕 tweet about how she's his saviour etc] Janis: coming for your 🥇 pisstaker 👑 with that one Janis: fairplay Jimmy: well I actually need you, bit real that Jimmy: if I said it I'd have to 💀💀💀 or worse, delete Janis: 🤐 Janis: I'll never tell, don't worry Jimmy: using you like a sat nav ain't very #goals Jimmy: reckon the secret's safe Janis: you mean your lack of direction isn't Janis: how unmanly of you Jimmy: it's a crap shag rumour waiting to happen Jimmy: Asia would dump me and my life would be OVER Janis: Nah, blind loyalty is their only redeeming quality Janis: 💀👑 ain't even tried to fuck them and they still stick around Jimmy: In fairness she'd probably ⚰ if she did have a go Janis: says you Jimmy: what are you saying? Janis: your stamina ain't braggable with those lungs Jimmy: HOW DARE YOU Janis: whoops Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: could run rings around you, smoke and actual Janis: there's fake and then there's madness Jimmy: there's 🙀 and then there's you Jimmy: sort it out Janis: Who's scared? Janis: Literally any time you wanna have an asthma attack, babe Janis: I'm ready Jimmy: yeah right Jimmy: all chat, you Jimmy: ain't even found me Janis: Bullshit Jimmy: ❌ marks the northern lad Jimmy: get a move on Janis: shut up then Jimmy: If you need a hand that desperately I'll send you 🚬☁ signals Janis: [showing up like hilarious] Jimmy: [fakes like he's gonna jump into her arms like a damsel in distress but obvs does not] Janis: [puts her arms straight down at her side like won't catch you boy] Jimmy: [does a pouty face and puts his hand out like hold it or I'll get lost again] Janis: [🙄 but does it, obvs] Jimmy: [deliberately goes the wrong way because nerd] Janis: [swinging him 'round like nope] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['can you drive?'] Jimmy: ['Are we stealing a car before or after the break in?' because he can but he can't answer a q] Janis: [shrugs 'I can take the speakers from home without it being suspicious but if I ask to drop 'em off at the school, like' gestures like you see my point 'someone will pick us up for a crate, no big'] Jimmy: ['I could take my dad's car but I dunno if they'll fit' shrugs 'be gutted he didn't get that very important memo about how much size matters'] Janis: ['yeah?' bites lip whilst thinking, tapping foot up and down 'should fit, just put the backseats down'] Jimmy: [when she looks so good biting her lip that you nearly lose yourself in the music AND the moment 'Alright' because he knows he's gonna get in trouble for this anyway and that's the whole point, in for a penny in for a pound] Janis: ['first stop yours then? whilst he's still at work' when you're looking like are you sure but you aren't going to ask] Jimmy: [typical that he lives right by the school and she lives 42 years away lol 'owt else we need from here?' gestures around vaguely with a 😒 face like ugh shops and people gross] Janis: ['better get that crate still, party'll supply itself but I still want some shit for us'] Jimmy: [nods and gives her a look like better get several cos can't resist calling her a pisshead] Janis: [pushes him lightly 'oh, and how many packs do you need to get through, Mr. Buzzkill?'] Jimmy: [a dramatic idk there's no way to know gesture 'such a lad, me, with SUCH good stamina] Janis: [😏 'come on then' and dragging him towards the shop like let's hurry it up] Jimmy: ['get ready for your close up and we can do the photo shoot in the car'] Janis: ['born ready- with this face, and this body' 'cos we ain't forgotten] Jimmy: [trying not to 😳 so hard rn] Janis: [knows and is buzzing about that payback] Jimmy: [lowkey nearly pushing her into some women having a chat in the way of everyone cos that playful shove] Janis: [unrepentantly not soz at those women but 😒 at him] Jimmy: [😏 to hide that he is soz cos didn't mean to do it that hard] Janis: [shoving all the booze at him like go get this but giving him the cash too 'cos not that mad] Jimmy: [does because whipped] Janis: I'm off out 'fore I get lynched Janis: you can find your way back from the tills without me, yeah Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: Adorable Jimmy: Shh Janis: Stop being so damn cute Janis: never getting served with that baby face Jimmy: Stop flirting with me Jimmy: You're too young and I'm too 😎 Janis: Spoilsport Jimmy: few drinks in me and you'll be 🍑📞 Jimmy: hang on in there, baby Janis: yeah Janis: gonna look top in my pjs Janis: who could resist Jimmy: have to be a 💪🏆 lad than me and there ain't none about Janis: Tah for being so real about my chances, like Jimmy: what are mates for? Janis: gonna hold my hair back too? Jimmy: yeah Janis: looking for a promotion to bezzies forever Jimmy: it's just always in my fucking way Janis: ? Jimmy: your hair Janis: oh Janis: fair Janis: if you didn't always go for the neck, would be less of an issue Jimmy: Alright, I can take a hint Jimmy: tonight I'll kiss you somewhere else Janis: [not answering 'cos 😳] Jimmy: [when you think she's not answering because she's like GOD NO levels of horrified] Janis: [ah miscommunication, least she is literally outside so we don't need to angst] Jimmy: [coming out cos job done, take a sec to impress her with how strong you are carrying all that shit] Janis: [lil clap and feeling his biceps like Prue] Jimmy: [🙄 but loves it] Janis: ['back to yours now?'] Jimmy: ['I get it, you proper miss her' shout out to Twix] Janis: [nods like 'course 'and we need to get changed to meet your self-imposed dresscode; good as you look'] Jimmy: [looks down and shrugs cos it's probably black tbh but we know you ain't going like that boy] Janis: ['and you have a car to steal' like need I remind you of the plan] Jimmy: ['ain't really stealing if you just grab the keys of the hook, but alright' keeping this so casual] Janis: ['trust you to wanna make it legal and boring' 👮 ref 'still not got insurance or a license, even if you are 45'] Jimmy: [a look like OI so offended 'loads of ways we can make the drive less boring, if you wanna get involved, Jill' stop making it so sexual thank you we all know that's what you mean] Janis: ['Obviously' a LOOK for good measure 'cos we all know what you mean 'not gonna make you do it alone, not very friendly' taking some of the supplies like see] Jimmy: [such a LOOK back] Janis: [don't drop your shopping lads] Jimmy: [that'd be awks, at least they don't have that far to go for this leg of the journey cos he doesn't live in the middle of nowhere] Janis: [shoutout ian for that one thing and one thing only] Jimmy: [when you gesture for her to light you a 🚬 for this one time only because your hands are full af] Janis: [thrilled about the novelty of that tbh] Jimmy: [don't think about how she'd have to get it out of his pocket and put it in his mouth and all that jazz #accidentalhotness] Janis: [its a mood and a moment and we're just trying to get home without dying here, also gonna have one herself 'cos duh] Jimmy: [so much eye contact goodbye] Janis: ['you're fully aware how much shit we're gonna get in, yeah?'] Jimmy: [a dramatic OTT gasp like it only just occurred to him just then] Janis: [nudges him like but really though] Jimmy: [looks down at all the shit he's carrying 'bit late for you to back out, but if you're gonna, go on, we can still half this'] Janis: [shakes her head 'nah, I know, I'm making sure you do, so we're good then'] Jimmy: ['not thick, just northern'] Janis: ['alright, hail of bullets it is then, babe'] Jimmy: ['that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me' cos have to lighten the mood when you know it'll be BAD when Ian finds out about any of this and like you want that but you also don't] Janis: [😏 'yeah, yeah'] Jimmy: [strutting along but in non-awkward silence for a bit] Janis: [living laughing loving like you're not about to get in so much trouble lolollol] Jimmy: [do we wanna skip to his gaff so no other moments happen along the way lol?] Janis: [probably, let's not get carried away yet when there's a whole night ahead] Jimmy: [you're still sober rn lads give it time] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [when he'd have to check in with Cass and Bobby before he can even do anything else remotely, making them cups of tea and food and all kinds of bollocks, you better have walked that dog while he was at work kids we don't have time] Janis: [forever awkwardly there like hello] Jimmy: [like excuse him while he has a little argument with his sister cos she's had bobby all day and he's only just got back and he's basically gonna go straight back out] Janis: [soz girl, just going outside so they can do this in private like you're gonna smoke but you definitely ain't] Jimmy: [he's right back to being stressed because what a day we're having Jimothy, trying to do everything you gotta do with a clingy little bro in your face rn] Janis: [the joys of being an unwilling parent to your siblings truly] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's forced them on the trampoline like let's all calm down] Janis: need me to do anything? Jimmy: 💀💀💀 us Janis: us in the singular or us as in me and you or us as in you want me to family anihilate Janis: the important questions save from awkward misunderstandings later Jimmy: right now I ain't that fussy, babe Jimmy: suit yourself Janis: Generous to a fault Janis: it's impressive Janis: I'll put the drink in the car Jimmy: 💕 Janis: set up the hose and all Janis: whenever you're ready, babe Jimmy: I read that you meant for a 🚿 Jimmy: about to bring up that rich v poor divide again there Janis: as much as the neighbours would be 👀 behind their curtains Jimmy: 👵💕👴 Jimmy: proper cheered me and Doris an' all, tah Jules Janis: any time Jimmy: you can use our actual 🚿 if you need though Jimmy: sight of you would 💀💀💀 her off Janis: Cheers Janis: couldn't hurt, even if there's no decent lads to pull 💔 Jimmy: that screenshot is being @ed to Mr Lucas Jimmy: such a heartbreaker you Janis: s'alright, just tell him he's a man not a lad Janis: answer for everything me 😇 Jimmy: get out of my bathroom actually I've gotta 🤢🤢 Janis: so jealous, so immature Janis: 😂 Jimmy: 🖕 Jimmy: how mature's that? 😘 Janis: SO impressive Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: you know it Janis: of course Janis: I am getting in now though so if you're actually gonna come in, bring your 📷 or don't, like Jimmy: that ain't fair, I already know what an exhibitionist you are, gimme a new kink to unlock Janis: I'm not making it any easier for you Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: not even 🥉 behaviour, that Janis: sort it out Jimmy: Alright, dickhead, appreciate the shot's fired but I still ain't 💀💀💀 Janis: Shame Janis: and no 🎟 for that one either, I know Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: there's your 🚿🎵 Janis: Tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [after a suitable shower time] Janis: your turn Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: [awkward meetcute on the landing] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [also she'll either be in a towel or in what she's wearing so either way we can assume 😍] Jimmy: [we all know what you'll be doing in that shower boy] Janis: [oohlala] Jimmy: [at least Ian ain't there to lament his water bill] Janis: [gonna have bigger problems soon soz not soz dickhead] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [meanwhile not lowkey knowing where to put yourself rn, 'cos you don't wanna get up in the kids grill but also feels presumptuous just being in his room but ultimately where you're gonna be 'cos can style that out better] Jimmy: [bowl in with your towel on to make this more awkward] Janis: [just like um ah sorry run lmao] Jimmy: [put your clothes on and go find her sir] Janis: [just chilling by the car probably] Jimmy: [open the door for her thank you] Janis: [tipping your imaginary hat] Jimmy: [illegal driving time, don't die please] Janis: [to her house, which whilst so much faster in a car, still forever lol] Jimmy: [put your easter rising playlist on kids] Janis: [soundtrack to your love tbh] Jimmy: [and don't forget to stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere for your photoshoot moment] Janis: [so important, vital, some would say, ie yous two] Jimmy: [it's been an age by your standards cos he didn't post the bench moment the fans need #content 👌] Janis: [when that was too #personal we all know it] Jimmy: [whenever her actual name gets used it's too personal that's the tea] Janis: [no pretending then] Jimmy: [lbr there's barely any even this early on] Janis: [when you're just bad at this but that works in favour of being believed 'cos it's real lmao] Jimmy: [imagine if it was all fake like alright well bye] Janis: [you thought lads] Jimmy: [they'd have to be 🤖] Janis: [and you ain't, despite efforts bitch] Jimmy: [just like imma spend all this time with you and chat with you always but idc tho] Janis: [so realistic, the facts are if you actually intended to fake date you would have to do so little to make it seem legit, you don't need to really date lol] Jimmy: [literally could have do what Buster did for like 3 years and made someone up, he could've easily pretended he'd left someone up north but no] Janis: [like we know these girls are pushy but come on lol] Jimmy: [he's perfectly capable of being an antisocial dickhead and getting them to lose interest] Janis: [mhmm lmao, we see you, idk why we're shading as if this isn't out plan, like admit you fancied each other!!!1] Jimmy: [when it's a bestselling book/netflix show peeps gonna be shouting] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [do we wanna do a skip or have you got anything you wanna do on this drive while they bonnie and clyde 39ing it] Janis: [hmmmmm, part of me wants to do it but maybe we should skip idk] Jimmy: [if you wanna do it gal we shall 😘] Janis: [tings could happen as they do] Jimmy: [thank god he needs to keep his eyes on the road because I can only imagine how 🔥 she looks rn] Janis: [I need to find pics but defs a lewk, totally for your benefit whether we're admitting that or obvs not, boy] Jimmy: [I'm being cockblocked as standard but he'd be serving a lewk also in the effortless way he do] Janis: [we're all 😍 up in here but still, conversation lmao 'did your dad teach you to drive?'] Jimmy: [such a bitter laugh because Ian would never 'I get it, the deathwish is a strong one, but let's get the party over and done with first, yeah?' because you know Ian would be a crap driver all that road rage] Janis: [obvs senses that's a no-go topic area and nods 'works for me, not a very cool way to die, 'less we're driving off a cliff' ha ha mems bye] Jimmy: ['controlling carpet salesman is more your type than the easy-going musician which is awkward' cos the musician's name is Jimmy I lol 'and you love a flirtatious stranger an' all'] Janis: [lols 'well, what a drag, not even gonna counter it because would LOVE a new carpet right about now'] Jimmy: [looks down at the floor of the car like understandable 'if you could keep your legs closed for a bit so all my savings don't get nicked by some obvs irresistible dickhead, I'd love that though'] Janis: ['I make no promises' 😏] Jimmy: [shakes his head like ugh what am I gonna do with you] Janis: ['am I the hot one or nah though?'] Jimmy: ['Your shit taste is well documented' like you tell me] Janis: [shrugs like boy idk 'not got it memorized' 'cos lowkey has no clue] Jimmy: [shrugs back like neither do I as if he didn't just drop all that plot on her] Janis: [🙄 'well now I'll never know just how much of a drag it was'] Jimmy: ['I'm the hot one, you should know that'] Janis: [offended noises] Jimmy: [poke her like excuse you but keep 👀 on the road so god knows where that hand is gonna land] Janis: [flapping his hand away like get off 'I am not willing to say you're the hot one, thank you'] Jimmy: ['what are you willing to say then?' why you gotta be so flirty boyy] Janis: [raises her hand like she's swearing in court ['the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God'] Jimmy: ['sleepover was the other night, mate'] Janis: ['they weren't having no game of truth or dare with us' face like I wonder why lmao] Jimmy: ['gonna need you to take one for the team and express my heartbreak' cos he can't do 💔 hands while driving] Janis: [does 'though you're the only one not playing nice right now so, think on'] Jimmy: [risking a look at her like ?] Janis: ['we could play right now' like duh] Jimmy: ['what dares can I do with both hands on the wheel?'] Janis: [snorts 'don't tempt me' but shakes her head 'called TRUTH OR dare, just pick truth, and I gave you the chance to ask me first anyway'] Jimmy: ['I can't be pulling over every time you want me to do something' and a LOOK soz drivers 'but alright' cos can't turn down a challenge ever] Janis: ['you can keep your hands where I can see 'em at all times, promise' returning that LOOK but being 😳 by the time he's turned 'round 'go on then, ask me something interesting'] Jimmy: ['Nah, lasses first, gimme a dare, if you can think of owt'] Janis: [a sigh like fgs boy 'no, alright, let me think then' humming and tapping your lip to show how hard you're thinking about this 'alright, truthfully, if you HAD to bang one of the flat whites, who would you pick?] Jimmy: ['your sister' because honestly Grace is the least annoying not just cos Janis is not gonna be happy about it though that's a bonus] Janis: [retches 'shut up and pick someone else'] Jimmy: ['Don't ask for the truth if you can't handle it'] Janis: ['it's not the truth, you're a dick'] Jimmy: ['Yeah it is'] Janis: [😒] Jimmy: [nudges her like cheer up] Janis: [just shifting your body out of reach like no] Jimmy: ['Stop being a dickhead'] Janis: ['You first'] Jimmy: ['It were your question, I'd be a dickhead if I never answered'] Janis: ['we're not playing anymore'] Jimmy: [sighs but doesn't say anything] Janis: [turning up the music] Jimmy: [awkwardly driving] Janis: [getting herself a drink from the back probably very inelegantly climbing over all the shit, which is a bit rude but here we are] Jimmy: [a long enough pause that he easily could have dropped the topic but has not 'who did you want me to fuck'] Janis: ['Literally anyone but my sister, it's not hard'] Jimmy: ['would be' because ew imagine any of them and him] Janis: ['forget it'] Jimmy: ['You first'] Janis: ['fuck off, I don't have to do anything'[ Jimmy: ['I don't have to fuck your sister, it were just a game'] Janis: ['go for it, it's such an easy choice, like'] Jimmy: ['shut up, I don't wanna go for it'] Janis: ['whatever'] Jimmy: [is just looking at her like what the fuck are we doing this for if I was just gonna get with any of them, don't crash please] Janis: ['stop looking at me and focus'] Jimmy: [dramatically but safely thank you pulls over so he can just stare her out because that bitch] Janis: ['what are you doing?'] Jimmy: ['What are you doing?' so annoying] Janis: [the exasperation just like bitch, getting out 'I'm walking'] Jimmy: [obviously also gets out 'you're being a massive twat'] Janis: ['then get back in your car and leave me alone'] Jimmy: ['no'] Janis: ['well I'm not getting back in'] Jimmy: ['Well it's getting left here then, wherever the fuck here is'] Janis: ['Don't be ridiculous'] Jimmy: ['you'] Janis: ['I've not done anything wrong, I want to walk, go away' pushing him in the general direction of the car] Jimmy: [gets back in the car like fine but it's not fine] Janis: [just sitting on the side of the road fuming 'cos you've not even got the speakers yet] Jimmy: [when you can't even have a drink #gutted] Janis: go to my house Janis: I'll tell my brother you're coming to pick the gear up Jimmy: I'm not going without you Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: get in Janis: don't look at me don't talk to me Janis: alright Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [gets in and slams the door] Jimmy: [well this is fun kids, but hey at least we're moving again] Janis: [dramatically looking out this window] Jimmy: [turns the music up even more] Janis: [turns it down 'cos petty] Jimmy: [is so 😒 but leaves it] Janis: [get these speakers quick] Jimmy: [imagine the weird vibe when they do, oooh someone's had a domestic] Janis: [also gotta hope said sibling doesn't dob you in 'cos Jimmy is not old enough to be driving we all know this] Jimmy: [also hope Grace isn't home cos AWKWARD] Janis: [safe to say you will not be coming to this soiree anyway] Jimmy: [thank goodness none of them are for a multitude of reasons] Janis: [just both dying to be out this car now, on your phone giving people details so at least you've got an excuse/something to do] Jimmy: [what a hilarious drive back that would be] Janis: ['everyone's coming'] Jimmy: [nods in recognition of her saying that but we all know he's not bothered rn] Janis: [what if she invited Pete though] Jimmy: [BITCH OMG DO IT] Janis: [dragging you into this soz boy] Jimmy: [because they haven't been coupley af at his work yet or anything and neither of them has really interacted with him so it makes it more blatant] Janis: [gotta be done] Jimmy: [I am living] Janis: [we can probably skip now we aren't getting past this lol] Jimmy: [yeah agreed, like all he's gonna do is get back dump the shit then take the car back and check the kids are okay and then walk back to the school all in a moody silence so] Janis: [we know the vibe, blatantly taking advantage of how fast this party is gonna get out of control to avoid each other] Jimmy: [raid Ian's stash while you're there boy because stronger stuff that's so needed] Janis: [sudden life and soul like excuse me whilst I talk to everyone and accept all the drinks etc] Jimmy: [the fakest she's ever been] Janis: [hostess with the mostest] Jimmy: [we all know that's a fuck you too cos he called her a shit host] Janis: [getting turnt, locating Pete] Jimmy: [he's straight up gonna drag her away from that boy, soz pete] Janis: [he's gonna be so confused like hello? meanwhile 'well, that was rude'] Jimmy: [having to style it out to everyone like I just really miss her excuse me 'rude is right, what did you invite him for?'] Janis: [shrugs 'cos he's cool?'] Jimmy: ['how the fuck would you know?'] Janis: ['I talked to him' that was barely an exchange but pop-off 'anyway, there are so many people here, what does it matter?'] Jimmy: [😒 af but you can pretend it goes with what you're about to say 'my manager gonna turn up in a bit an' all or what?'] Janis: ['if he's cool too, maybe'] Jimmy: [walking away but giving her a look like you're such a dick] Janis: ['great talk' shouted after him] Jimmy: ['if you were cool, might've been' shouted back because so mature] Janis: [💔] Jimmy: ['Open with that, next lad you have a great talk with'] Janis: ['Thanks for the suggestion' and walking away to get fully lost in this crowd] Jimmy: [likewise walking off to somewhere he can be on his own or as close to that as we're getting in this chaos] Janis: [least there is an abudance of classrooms, they can't all be full yet] Jimmy: [get drunker because what could go wrong there] Janis: [oh lord, the only way is down] Jimmy: [I've just had the MOST EVIL thought because Pete also smokes do you see where I'm going with this] Janis: [I think I do you lil shrew] Jimmy: [not actually a MOMENT but when you're jealous af everything's a moment] Janis: [is nothing sacred] Jimmy: [how dare you smoke with other hot baristas] Janis: [you don't even smoke lol] Jimmy: [so yeah do you wanna do that? 😈] Janis: [why not, we're out here fucking everything up now] Jimmy: [when you're straight up just gonna try and leave this party boy please I'm not allowing that] Janis: [when you don't even get why he's just immediately turned around so offended so you think it's purely 'cos he doesn't want to see you rn so you go off into the main hall again like okay] Janis: go smoke, I've moved now Jimmy: go where you like Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: erm why Jimmy: 1. you heard me before, fuck who you want but don't make me look a twat Jimmy: 2. I don't need to be here Jimmy: 3. I don't wanna be here Janis: 1. I've not fucked anyone Janis: 2. so you're gonna leave me to get in trouble when that's the entire point of this whole thing to you, apparently Janis: 3. see 2 Jimmy: I've got no shortage of shit I can do to get in trouble Jimmy: You can have this one Janis: Bullshit am I taking the fall for you now Jimmy: bat your eyelashes and tell it were all my idea Jimmy: nowt even fake in that Janis: fuck off with that too Janis: you're being so stupid Jimmy: yeah proper smart move to be all over my co-workers Janis: Hardly Janis: I was talking to him, not a crime Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I have to see him every day at the same place those bitches go every day Janis: So Janis: I thought you might like someone here you actually know Jimmy: So it ain't very goals when your girlfriend is a massive slag Janis: I already told you Janis: I was talking to him, fuck all else Jimmy: And who else 👀 that? Janis: I've talked to plenty of people here Janis: and the reason I'm not talking to you is your fault so you can't put that on me Jimmy: Get in a darker corner and get a bit closer, sure we can still spin that so it's my fault somehow Janis: Jesus, I'm not an idiot and I'm not trying to fuck him Jimmy: we're surrounded by idiots, stick to the fucking script or exit stage left Janis: I'm making best of the situation Janis: but fine, let's both leave, this whole exercise has been fucking pointless Jimmy: Me an' all, this ain't happening to me again Jimmy: I loved her, I don't even like you Janis: What are you talking about Jimmy: leave it out Janis: You said it Janis: typed it Jimmy: I can't hypothetically fuck your sister with a gun to my head, you can't actually fuck anyone I know Janis: We were having a cigarette, that's what you 👀 Janis: if that pisses you off then you can see why you pissed me off Janis: that's that Jimmy: I never said I couldn't see why you were pissed off Jimmy: not blind Janis: Yes you did Janis: you still don't even get it now, so fuck that Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: but I'm never going near your sister Janis: then you don't Jimmy: I didn't invite her here to piss you off Janis: You didn't have to pick her Jimmy: You wanted honest Janis: Yeah, and if you can't see she's the worst Janis: then I don't want to be your friend and you don't get it Jimmy: I picked her 'cause she's barely spoken to me Jimmy: she's never barged in on me in the bathroom or awkwardly flirted with me Jimmy: there's nowt else to it Janis: I'm over this Jimmy: come on Jimmy: I don't like anyone, least of all any of them Janis: Fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: Sure Janis: it just proves how stupid this is Janis: you don't know me, I don't know you, we've got nothing in common Jimmy: that were the point Jimmy: you can't fake owt with someone who knows you Janis: that ain't the point in being friends Janis: to think we could do both was the mistake Janis: so let's drop it Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: but this party were a good idea Jimmy: is Janis: I hope so Jimmy: just stay Janis: whatever Janis: I had and ave reasons to be here too, I never said I didn't Jimmy: yeah Janis: enjoy your party, Jimmy Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Make it a lot later okay Jimmy: suits me Janis: when are you going to be done with this? Jimmy: When are you? Janis: I'm fine now, no one thinks I'm gay Janis: but I'll hold up my end of the deal Janis: so get to your end point and tell me Jimmy: Lasses are gonna fancy me however long this goes on, soon as we end it I'll be back at square one Jimmy: might as well do it now if that's what you want Janis: So what was your plan Janis: do it 'til you found a real girlfriend, what? Jimmy: how do you expect me to plan for that level of crazy? Jimmy: I'll be gone soon Jimmy: be a new boy somewhere else Janis: You'll forgive me for not having much sympathy Janis: only been dealing with it forever Janis: and when is that gonna be, exactly Jimmy: hang on, I'll @ my dad and ask him Jimmy: doubt he'll mind Janis: I don't think either of us knew how long we were signing up for Janis: that's the point, yeah? Jimmy: don't worry about it, this party'll get me one foot out Janis: Good Jimmy: steady on, we ain't gotta have nowt in common Janis: You aren't funny Janis: so no danger Jimmy: ain't gotta be that either, have I? Jimmy: trying to repel the lasses not the other way round Janis: you aren't that special, you know Jimmy: it's not me saying I am Janis: no Jimmy: just trying to keep my head down Jimmy: it ain't my fault they like the look of it Janis: you've really fucked everything up Janis: but maybe that ain't your fault Jimmy: I have got form, probably is Janis: You love moping Janis: have it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: why'd you lie Jimmy: What? Janis: I ust wanna know what the point of saying you wanted to be my friend was Jimmy: I weren't lying Janis: You clearly didn't want to be my friend Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: Come on Jimmy: you Janis: You'd give a shit now if you did Jimmy: I do give a shit now Janis: about how you look Jimmy: stop chatting shit Janis: I heard you the first time Janis: none of this is remotely about me Jimmy: everything I do is about you Janis: You don't need to chat shit just 'cos you reckon I am Jimmy: you're my first thought in all this bollocks Janis: Yeah, and you hate me for it Janis: it isn't my fault they won't leave you alone either, alright Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I know that, not fucking braindead Janis: then don't treat me like I am Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I don't need to go on about what today's been like, you've been about for most of it Janis: Yeah, alright Janis: I'm sorry for inviting your coworker Jimmy: Alright Janis: Actual truce then Jimmy: might last a fucking minute this time, like Janis: don't get carried away Jimmy: weren't promising nowt Janis: just warn me next time you're gonna have a meltdown and we'll be fine Jimmy: you were the one who stropped out of the car, babe Jimmy: didn't get a single 📷 Janis: and you're the one who wouldn't go to my house alone so Janis: we'll have to have a truce Janis: and I'm in no state now Janis: the evidence of this party will speak for itself Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: #whentheonlycrimecommitedisthelackofselfiesinthatoutfit Janis: Shut up 😏 Jimmy: at least come here so I can 😍😍🤤 over it Janis: tell me where you are then Jimmy: 🎨 room #duh Janis: 'course you are Janis: see if I remember where it is, get lost for once instead of you Jimmy: Where are you? Janis: bathroom Janis: where else do girls go to 😭 Jimmy: [draws her an adorable quick little map] Janis: Cheers, nerd Jimmy: now you can always find me when we're stuck here 💕 Janis: Cute Janis: fucking weird being here at night Janis: not that I think we will be much longer now Jimmy: do my 🥇 work at night, me Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: I'm not gonna grade you Janis: given how tense things are already, risky game Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me it's top marks Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: Colour me unsurprised that you're class show-off Jimmy: don't say a word, me Jimmy: there's no need Janis: oh God Janis: you're insufferable 😂 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: shh Janis: or I'm purposely getting so lost Jimmy: have to find you for once Janis: I'm good at hiding Jimmy: I'm good at 👀 Janis: the 😎 ain't prescription Janis: 😱 Jimmy: told you I weren't blind Janis: I stopped listening after you said you wanted to bang my sister Janis: which speaks to the contrary 🤷 Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: you would've heard me say sorry if you were bothered Janis: I'm bothered Jimmy: so what you just want another one? Janis: Maybe Jimmy: gonna have to do something for it since you ain't listening to nowt I've said Jimmy: 🤔🤔 Janis: Now I know why you wanted a dare Jimmy: Go on then Jimmy: I'll do owt you want so you know how sorry I am Janis: Don't say that Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos it's been one of those days Janis: and I'm too drunk to be sensible Jimmy: that's why you should let me make it up to you Jimmy: or it'll keep on being shit Janis: okay Janis: but you do what you think Janis: I'm not telling you to do anything Jimmy: just for tonight or ever again? Janis: like I tell you what to do all the time Jimmy: I'm just saying, might be a dealbreaker Janis: Oh right Janis: it's a kink, I forgot Jimmy: taking your 🎟🎟 off you Janis: 😣 Janis: I'll tell you what to do Jimmy: go on Janis: come out and find me instead Janis: I can't be just me and you right now Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: how far did you get? Janis: corridor Janis: don't call me scared Jimmy: [appears like the 👻 he is] Janis: [such an intense LOOK in every sense 'cos what a time we're all confused and frustrated] Jimmy: [giving her those 😍 he said he would and MORE lbr] Janis: [when I'm like you're staying still girl I don't trust you lol] Jimmy: [when I'm like who's around that you can use as an excuse to do what you really want lol] Janis: [there'd be people and that was my shameless vibe 'cos no going back if it happened when you were alone] Jimmy: [just really intensely kiss her in between saying how sorry you are then boy, I insist] Janis: [so about it there's no denying] Jimmy: [thank god they can forget because drunk if we need them to because DAMN] Janis: [god damn x3] Jimmy: [also thank god he's wearing more clothes than her because once again she's basically in the same boat as on school trip and they're just dry humping all over everything so casually] Janis: [put some more clothes on hoe lol but never do and seriously, this is enough of a show without how bad you wanna go further] Jimmy: [a hoe never gets cold especially in April] Janis: [it's basically Summer lmao] Jimmy: [they should go back to the art room at some point if they can ever find chill for a paint fight cos they wearing black it'd be 🎨] Janis: [that's a good idea] Jimmy: [I'm trying to think how they can lowkey trash the place and that seemed an obvious one] Janis: [I am down, if they ever stop lol] Jimmy: [which they won't for an age if ever lol] Janis: [how are we stopping y'all ahh] Jimmy: [someone could always basically fall on them cos drunk chaos] Janis: [that would work, break the spell casually] Jimmy: [especially if it's a heavy lad even you two can't just ignore that] Janis: [just 😒 but not at him so improvement lol] Jimmy: [don't fight him Jimothy just go have your paint fight and live your best life] Janis: [we all know you were very in the way lol] Jimmy: [as standard, so go handhold your way back to the art room as is also your standard] Janis: [being like 'which is yours?' like a parent coming to see your work on parents evening] Jimmy: [getting shy like] Janis: [squish.that.face 'go on' nudges him] Jimmy: [the most exasperated sigh ever like she is a parent suddenly lol] Janis: [walks around looking at the work herself like okay, okay, 'I'll work it out'] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her while she's checking out the 🎨] Janis: [when he's done enough doodles that you could pick them out but probably not 📷 'did I find them all?'] Jimmy: [just taking her to all the ones she didn't but he can't look at them because he's awks] Janis: [just approving like get it boy but silently and low-key 'cos not that bitch, turning round 'where do you sit then?' and sitting on his desk when he tells her] Jimmy: [sits on his chair so they're accidentally really close to each other] Janis: ['this is how porn starts' saying what we're all thinking] Jimmy: [loling] Janis: [😏 but tension] Jimmy: [😏 back forever] Janis: ['teach me then'] Jimmy: [gets out art supplies like a nerd] Janis: [buzzing like show me how to art] Jimmy: [what's a art thing he could teach her how to do? hmmmm] Janis: [thank god she's got some skillz even if drunk, don't wanna be tragically shit] Jimmy: [imagine, they'd be arguing again like immediately] Janis: [we don't need that tah] Jimmy: [christ knows what he's teaching her but it's a moment] Janis: [obviously gonna involve paint and obviously gonna splodge a bit on his cute concentration face to start this paint war] Jimmy: [get her back on her 😏 face because she would be and we all know] Janis: [I wish pinterest would come through for this but I already know lol] Jimmy: [I will look but they won't even serve me an outfit for him so probably not gonna happen] Janis: [exactly dr phil] Jimmy: [on the one hand I want other peeps to show up so they can attack them but on the other I don't because just jj things] Janis: [we probably should to avoid another Moment TM] Jimmy: [yeah at least when there's at least a couple of other people around we can pretend it's fake, there's no going back otherwise] Janis: [we can feel it coming lads] Jimmy: [so can they and that's the tea] Janis: [mhmm mhmm] Jimmy: [you deserve this carefree paint fight and ensuing makeout lads, shit is gonna hit the fan soon enough] Janis: [what kind of fallout should we do?] Jimmy: [that's a good question cos we know Ian is gonna 🥊 but yeah we need to decide how hard to go with everyone else] Janis: [like assuming the police get called to shut this down, I reckon you'd just get a warning/or maybe a community service vibe, that could be fun to do actually] Jimmy: [LIKE IN STEP UP but obvs not at all because they ain't cleaning no dance school but yass I like that idea] Janis: ['cos then even if Ian is like can't see that girl again they still will 'cos gotta go do this lol] Jimmy: [exactly and school will have to start eventually so you can't stop him then even if they get put in isolation or whatever they'll still find a way] Janis: [the rom and jules of it all] Jimmy: [you'll enjoy that both of yous] Janis: [not that you'll enjoy being separated the rest of the time 'cos so highkey heheheh] Jimmy: [though I'll enjoy not having to think of ways to cockblock you all the time] Janis: [just parents being parents 'cos you broke into and trashed your school lol] Jimmy: [this'll be a good reason for cali/the fam not to like him cos that was the vibe for why she had to invite him round to dinner remember when] Jimmy: [even though they would've totally done this when they were younger bye] Janis: [exactly yo, and likewise doesn't listen to them anyway so it's as much of a cockblock and not as we need so] Jimmy: [is there anything else you wanna do/have them say to each other before we 👮🚓?] Janis: [hmmm we've covered a lot of emotional ground I feel so we're probs good?] Jimmy: [I'm good with that]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: What are you doing Saturday? Janis: Trick question, you're getting out my pocket and I'm cashing in that favour Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: You don't know what it is yet Janis: might be a step too far, far as favours go Jimmy: go on, spit it out Janis: It's really shit, I'm aware, before you say it Janis: but it's my sister's kid's birthday party and I can't get out of it apparently 'cos they're little and shit so I have to make an appearance 😒 Janis: as if it'd remember but you know Jimmy: how old? Jimmy: that factors into how shit it'll be before you assume I'm baking or buying balloons Janis: you just have to come with not plan it Janis: oh and you could bring bobby if you need to Jimmy: alright Janis: it's a 1st birthday but there'll be kids his age too so Janis: only you and I need suffer 'cos I said so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you don't have to but Jimmy: I said alright Jimmy: calm it down, my dear Janis: I am calm Janis: they're extra, is what I'm trying to warn you Jimmy: I've met Gracie, I reckon that's fair warning Janis: just saying Janis: pretend you're mute if any of them start yapping Jimmy: 💪 and 🤐 got it Janis: 😏 your specialty, exactly Jimmy: nowt challenging bout none of it Janis: trust, there is Janis: but thanks Jimmy: if you ain't up to it, mate Jimmy: just saying, I am Jimmy: no challenge too big Janis: already told you, got no choice, like Janis: not ability it's desire Jimmy: 🎻💔🎻 Jimmy: don't need owt but desire for me Janis: 🙄 lord Janis: do I need to warn them about you as well 😏 Jimmy: you telling me you ain't Janis: my family have low standards Janis: you're basically an 😇 to them Janis: soz to your rep Jimmy: properly 😢💔💔💔😢 Janis: I know Janis: such a bad boy, like Janis: but you know you ain't knocked me about or knocked me up so winner Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: apparently the dress code is kinda well, dressy so Janis: another warning Jimmy: what are you saying about my clothes there, babe? Janis: I like your clothes Janis: but awkward enough without feeling underdressed Janis: fuck knows what I'll find to put on Jimmy: take me shopping then, rich girl Jimmy: sort yourself out at the same time Janis: ugh Jimmy: come on Jimmy: it'll be a laugh Janis: alright Janis: it won't but why not Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 👍 Janis: when you wanna go Jimmy: when are you gonna gimme that real enthusiasm that I crave? Janis: I can't be excited about playing dress up, soz Jimmy: be excited about trying clothes on with me, dickhead Janis: alright Janis: 😏 I'll try Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: we can go in a bit then Janis: you at work? Jimmy: not gonna let on that I'm with my other girlfriend 👵💕 Jimmy: bit rude that Janis: rather know Janis: might have some fashion I can cop Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: hang on, I'll have a look Janis: tah Jimmy: florals 👍 or 👎 Janis: probably 👍 but I think it'd spontaneously combust if it touched me so Janis: '💎💎 EXTRA 🍾!!!!!!!!! HONEY 💋 But also make it pink & girlie 🌸🌺🌺🌸' is what we're going for Janis: as if that means anything Jimmy: Gracie, Gracie, Gracie Jimmy: what the fuck Jimmy: she'd be good for a borrow as long as you scrub yourself after Janis: however did you guess 🙄 Janis: bit rude to say about your missus Jimmy: I serve her ☕ every day Jimmy: on form today you an' all Janis: poor you Janis: and what are you talking about Jimmy: take my compliments about how funny you are and shut up Janis: don't tell me to shut up just 'cos you're busy with your main bitch Janis: learn some time management if you're gonna keep this up Jimmy: you're my main, she's one of many side chicks Jimmy: get it right Janis: 😩😭😍 Janis: so sweet Jimmy: 💕 Janis: gonna need to pre-drink this Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: getting us both wrecked Janis: the only way I can remotely do this Jimmy: I won't let you end up face down in the cake like my mum was for our kid's 1st Jimmy: not a #mood Janis: no Janis: only so much trauma you can bill as character building Janis: this little fuck already has enough Jimmy: I'll buy the kid an orchestra Janis: entertainment sorted Jimmy: 👍 Janis: going for a run Janis: in a bit Jimmy: run my way Janis: nah it's okay Janis: I'm not in the mood Janis: a good one Jimmy: and what? Jimmy: miserable twat every day me Janis: idk Janis: I just Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: why else do you think I want you here, girl? Janis: what do you mean? Jimmy: my only job ain't pouring coffee Jimmy: might cheer you up Jimmy: weird idea, I know Janis: great Janis: now I sound like a dick Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: shit sounds like how it is Janis: I can't explain Janis: it'd take me forever and you don't need to know Janis: I just hate being around them Jimmy: You just said as much as you needed to Jimmy: we ain't gotta ⛏️ Jimmy: left the mines behind, like Janis: alright Janis: but maybe I'm not ready to be cheered up Janis: all we do is bullshit being happy 'round here Jimmy: solidarity for feeling like shit even easier Janis: babe Jimmy: ? Janis: don't be nice Jimmy: alright Janis: convincing Jimmy: 🔪🔪alright 💔💔 Jimmy: better? Janis: you couldn't be mean if you tried 😏 Jimmy: are you challenging me? Janis: not really Janis: idk what I want Janis: be nice maybe Jimmy: baby Janis: mm Janis: I really hate everyone but you Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: bollocks to everyone else Janis: maybe that's what I wanted Janis: feels good anyway Janis: never don't Janis: Oh, and I love you too Jimmy: are you running? 'cause you're typing like you might be on it Janis: how presumptuous Janis: also don't do yourself down like that, it's not the ONLY time I ever say it Jimmy: 😏 Janis: not what I mean Janis: filth Jimmy: don't sound like me Jimmy: who else you chatting to? Janis: just the side hoes Janis: obvs Jimmy: 👋 Janis: are you saying hello to them or bye to me Jimmy: might be either Jimmy: keeping you guessing like that Janis: 🙄 Janis: so mysterious Jimmy: come here to me and I'll let you know Janis: quite the offer Jimmy: take it then Janis: hot Jimmy: 'course I am Janis: 😏 Janis: maybe I've had some drink but you can't blame me Jimmy: how much catching up I gotta do? Janis: do you have the shit mood to double down with Janis: if not just keep me company Janis: I miss you Jimmy: where am I going then? Janis: i'm coming there doofus Jimmy: I'm near done, we can go wherever Janis: home? Jimmy: I get it, you want real love 🐶💕 Janis: mhmm Janis: read my mind Jimmy: I can't promise she's home alone waiting for you though Janis: we're never alone Jimmy: I'll take you somewhere we can be Janis: yeah? Jimmy: I'm thinking Janis: hot Jimmy: don't put me off Janis: I'm down to barricade the door don't worry Jimmy: you're so Janis: I know Jimmy: I miss you too Janis: how much Jimmy: how much do you think? Janis: not enough Jimmy: what's enough? Janis: so much that we never leave bed again Janis: not much to ask for really Jimmy: what about so much we barely make it to bed? Jimmy: and then we never leave Janis: 😋 Janis: that's allowed Jimmy: good 'cause nobody can stop me Jimmy: that's how much I miss you, girl Janis: don't stop Janis: you're killing me Jimmy: I just said I can't Janis: good Jimmy: I've missed you all day Janis: it's unfair I can't be with you all the time actually Jimmy: I could get you a job here but I'd have to teach you some customer service first Janis: can't even say it's rude Janis: just fair Jimmy: get over here, lesson starts when you show up Janis: 😏 Janis: you do remember what happened when I turned up at your last job, yeah Jimmy: I weren't fuming about that then and I ain't gonna be now Janis: okay Janis: omw for my trial shift Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: kicking the stranglers out, I reckon you need 1 on 1 instruction Janis: shit Janis: okay Janis: taking this very serious now Jimmy: it is serious, don't be pissing about Janis: aye aye Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt remember Janis: are you doubting me Janis: always 🥇 Janis: main bitch, remember Jimmy: giving you a chance to prove me wrong 'cause you're about that Jimmy: I'm gonna give you everything you want Janis: I really like you, you know Jimmy: main bitch an' all #obvs Janis: you know it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: are you gonna let me wear the apron or what Janis: the real questions Jimmy: what else are you gonna be wearing? Janis: nothing pink Janis: that's for sure Janis: the rest is up to you Jimmy: I heard nothing let's go with that Janis: works for me Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: I ain't requesting that be your uniform whenever you're on shift though, even if tips would be at a record high Jimmy: I can't be smacking every dickhead that comes in Janis: You're cute Jimmy: You're Janis: hanging on the edge of my seat, like Janis: what 😏 Jimmy: making me not wanna leave work Jimmy: such a skill that Janis: I'm motivational Janis: hire me for that alone Jimmy: convincing too Janis: sounds promising Janis: still, put me through my paces, like Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: It ain't an easy job, babe Janis: I can take it Janis: 💪 Jimmy: I know Janis: k have you got rid of everyone, nearly there Jimmy: on my own 💔🎻🎻 Janis: my poor baby Jimmy: Get a move on Jimmy: I need you Janis: [showin' up] Jimmy: [enthusiastic welcome before she's even really through the door cos we know he would] Janis: [just telling him how bad you missed him between kisses] Jimmy: [being very vocal in between kisses too but not with words] Janis: ['that's customer service is it?' 'cos clearly about it] Jimmy: ['keen, you ain't even in the door yet' but he ain't stopping any of what he's doing to let her lol] Janis: [puts one foot in like a nerd 'come on, gimme a chance, like'] Jimmy: [picks her up and carries her over the threshold like a bigger nerd] Janis: ['just want the job, if I'm honest, not your last name but' but you're grinning 'cos you love it] Jimmy: ['what makes you think I wouldn't take yours?' and grinning back cos imagine haha he's the whitest 'what were it again?'] Janis: [says it excessive accented] Jimmy: [shamelessly 😍 cos that's hot] Janis: [rolls her eyes 'cos always a thing but not mad] Jimmy: [leads her over to the counter and doing like a ghost pottery wheel style mood because down to the business of closing up but make it flirty] Janis: [just loving life and purposely messing up (but not drastically, not a dick lmao) so he has to show her again] Jimmy: [we're all just loving life being nerds] Janis: ['so, I got the job, right?' and a LOOK of course] Jimmy: [giving her a LOOK back and putting the apron on her as he takes other shit off her like maybe lemme just see how this looks] Janis: ['if any of your co-workers walk in right now, I swear to god' but showing off what your mama gave ya] Jimmy: [just loling 'could be your co-workers too' cos give her them compliments and then kisses obvs] Janis: ['don't worry, you'll still be my favourite'] Jimmy: [casually gonna just put her on that counter like the time at the CG when they put on a show for the squad but this time there ain't no audience bye] Janis: [just smiles like this is why and we know the rest honey] Jimmy: [god bless you babies then go home and snuggle Twix like that's your job] Janis: [when she called it home, bye] Jimmy: [technically it is cos we said she was moving in and he was getting a bigger bed so] Janis: [yeah but emotions boo] Jimmy: [you know it got me bitch] Janis: [just wait 'til you have your own forreal kids] Jimmy: [I will cry when we do that, don't even] Janis: [but for now, there's a party you don't wanna be at]

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: [fam christmas woooo when you ain't talked to your sister in 4 months either just to make it more awks] Rio: [what a fun time for all, when you are constantly on your phone so much 'cos Ryan won't stop messaging you and wants a play by play Buster: [he'd be drunk before he even got there ffs boy] Rio: [when it's that point in the evening when everyone is playing stupid games tipsy and you just cannot so you go hide in the kitchen] Buster: [let's say he bumps into her literally cos yeah what you need is another drink boy] Rio: [when you literally jump back like 'oh'] Buster: [when you do the thing peeps do to me & go twenty miles out of your way round her] Rio: ['Don't fall, McKenna'] Buster: ['Only for you, babe' too drunk & voice too loud] Rio: [When you swipe his drink off the counter 'fore he can stop you can take a sip and put your finger to your lips like 'shh, idiot' and hand it back to him, shaking your head] Buster: [When you down that drink so you have to get another & be in there longer] Rio: ['tis the season' when even when you're talking you're constantly on your phone and not that bitch and they love eye contact but she's not smiling like 😍 it's more like 😑] Buster: [when you take her phone before she can stop you & put it down where she can't reach it] Rio: [the lowkey panic in your eyes that you try to mask, 'Come on, don't be a dick'] Buster: ['Don't be rude'] Rio: ['Your territory, I know'] Buster: ['You trying to come for my crown now?'] Rio: ['Maybe' trying to move a chair to wherever he's put her phone] Buster: ['Antisocial is closer to the other twin. Try harder' Lifts her up so she can get it cos drunk & shameless] Rio: [When you stop breathing 'til you're back on the ground and then you breathe out so heavily, 'You wanna be social now? Party's in there' points to the lounge] Buster: ['Hopeless romantic is more her thing too' throws the words over his shoulder as he leaves cos he knows about the bf through stalking them socials] Rio: What are you talking about Buster: You love him Buster: It's cute Rio: It's not even been a month Buster: Moving fast is more of a lesbian thing, like I said, Nance will either be thrilled or threatened Rio: Talk to her and see Rio: though you've definitely got better things to catch up on than my dating history Buster: Put your phone down & try it yourself Rio: I see her every day Buster: Run out of shit to say then? Understandable Buster: Probably don't tell her that though Buster: So rude Rio: I'm not trying to take away from your sibling bonding time Rio: soz Buster: You can't take something that don't exist Rio: It exists, you both just choose to ignore it Rio: least it's mutual though so Buster: Nah, it's been scratched out the schedule instead of penciled in Buster: Still siblings no time to bond Rio: Hmm Rio: you're SO busy, yeah Buster: Yeah Rio: Lovely Buster: Not the word Rio: Not so miserable I'm here to listen to the 'stresses' in your life, tah Buster: Never said it was negative, I just don't use old lady vocab, like Buster: You sound like a teacher Rio: 🙄 Rio: Now you're gonna chat shit on my vocabulary, alright private school Buster: I am a pleasure to have in class if you wanna let my parents know Rio: That was the whole point, remember Rio: how would I know Buster: Play really well with others too but probably don't let 'em know how you know that Rio: You'll be wanting to delete that, I presume Rio: surprised you've even got the balls to talk to me at all Buster: How many convos did you start? Buster: I weren't expecting you to jump out of a cake but a happy birthday would've been polite Rio: Likewise Rio: Expecting or fantasizing, you'd have to make a booking Rio: not showing up uninvited, heaven forbid Buster: Mine was first, babe & I ain't never pretended to be that Rio: So if I'd have said it to you, you'd have returned the favour Rio: You're so childish Buster: We'll never know now Buster: What I might've said Buster: Or gifted you Rio: Save it up for sweet 16 Rio: maybe you'll be allowed to talk to me then Buster: Maybe I'll show up in time to stop the wedding Buster: Fingers crossed you don't get knocked up like your mum Rio: Shut up Buster: Only so much your good looks could do to beat the odds of it being an ugly kid Rio: What would you know Buster: Flawless + Fuck ugly = you're right I don't know Buster: Don't wanna Rio: You've never even seen him Rio: don't be so judgmental Buster: Wrong again, babe Buster: Factual more like Rio: Well I clearly don't think so if I love him so much, do I Buster: That'll be all the cum in your eye Rio: So mature Buster: They don't age check on those vids, it's fine Rio: should run a basic IQ test on you Rio: someone who claims to be such a pleasure in class, like Buster: I've done one but I know you hate when I brag about numbers Rio: That's universal Rio: no one but your hanger-on mates wants to hear that Buster: Your friend loved it, she thinks hers is lucky Rio: I'm glad you found someone officially more stupid than you then Buster: That's universal Buster: Applicable in every case, like Rio: Sure she loved being told that too Rio: such a bullshitter Buster: We didn't do that much talking Buster: Once I'd told her what to do, not much else left to say Rio: Why are you still talking Buster: Why are you still replying? Rio: Gotta be on my phone ain't I Buster: Not in this convo though Rio: Well you're blocking my notifications Rio: you'll pussy out soon enough and be gone Buster: Well I'm drunk. Mute me Rio: Take some responsibility for yourself Rio: you always want me to do everything Buster: So you don't want a line then? More for me Rio: That explains why you're talking so much shit Rio: go on then Rio: have to be here so Buster: [brings it to her cos gentlemanly] Rio: [goes off to the bathroom, 'cos learnt something about getting caught, humming white christmas like] Buster: [lols] Rio: Cheers Buster: Merry Christmas Rio: Merry Christmas, Buster Rio: [bringing the baggie back, assuming there's plenty to go around here] Buster: [does his off the kitchen counter cos wants to be where she is] Rio: [rolls her eyes but licks a finger to clean up the excess and sucks it off] Buster: [is 😏] Rio: ['still like danger, do you?] Buster: ['Don't you?'] Rio: ['Obviously'] Buster: [picks her up & puts her on the counter cos throwback & is standing between her legs like close af 'good to know'] Rio: ['How gone are you?' cos what else can you say rn] Buster: [whispers 'depends who you ask' in her ear and puts a finger to his lips like its such a big secret okay boyyy] Rio: [lols, 'thanks for inadvertently answering my question there' but is just looking at him still like #conflict] Buster: [reaches round her to take her drink cos left his in the other room] Rio: ['oi!' pouty face] Buster: [rather than just giving her it back like a normal person, feeds her the drink like this is crepes 2.0] Rio: [into it.com, 'sharing is caring today, huh?'] Buster: [a nod because so much eye contact so much tension who can speak] Rio: [when you're so close now your phone is the only thing between you and then it goes off and you shit yourself] Buster: [angry.com idk whose house they are in but blatantly walks off & punches the wall in potential full view of the fam cos coke ain't your friend boy] Rio: [when you gotta go outside to have that call 'cos not only not wanting him to hear but everyone tbh] Buster: [when everyone's like umm wtf buster but you ain't having it so you storm out & are also outside but the front while she's in the back] Rio: [when every convo is like talking him off a ledge 'cos he's that bitch do not need this Ryan, even a little bit, going back in finally to get a drink 'cos 1. need and 2. hoping he's had the same idea] Buster: [when you're just having a meltdown lowkey] Rio: I'm just sending this in case you want anything but me to fuck off Buster: I can't Buster: Want anything but that Rio: I'm sorry Rio: genuinely Buster: Don't Buster: Just fucking do not Rio: What can I do Rio: tell me and I'll do it Buster: Nothing Rio: that's what you need? Buster: Don't talk to me, don't talk to me, fucking none of it Buster: *Look Rio: Okay Rio: I will Rio: I'm not gonna give out totally empty promises it'll be hard but I will Buster: [When you just yeet like where do you think you're going at Christmas babe] Rio: [Later] Rio: Tell someone where you are Buster: Why would I do that? Buster: & Why would you ask me to? That's a broken promise already Rio: That's what I do Rio: I'm a shit person, like you don't know by now Rio: but they're gonna go out looking if you don't soon so heads up Buster: Let 'em, I don't care about ruining their fun in case you didn't know by now Rio: Alright Rio: if you don't wanna stay where you are Buster: Why? Rio: Know they'll find you Buster: No, why do you love him? Rio: Honestly? Rio: I don't, you can believe that or not but I don't Rio: I'm just trying, you know Buster: I believe it, if only 'cause I want to Buster: That & I've seen him Rio: Alright 😂 Rio: it's not all about looks, general statement, not a declaration of love Buster: He's got that good of a personality, yeah? Rio: Well Rio: said I weren't it love with him, didn't I Rio: he's alright but it really don't go much deeper than that right now Buster: There's no chance he knows that Buster: Unless he's just that chatty with everyone Rio: Yeah Rio: he's a lot Rio: just that type, you know Buster: Do you want me to chat to him? Buster: I can be a lot Rio: Don't think that means you should be besties Rio: it's fine though, honestly Rio: I can handle him, and whoever else Buster: Alright Rio: are you Buster: Don't ask me questions you already know the answer to Buster: You ain't meant to even be talking to me Rio: Yeah Rio: just want the answer to be different Rio: can't be acting surprised, notoriously bad at keeping any kind of promise, and leaving you alone Buster: Maybe Santa will bring you what you want next year, babe Buster: Don't waste your birthday wish though Rio: 🤞 Rio: Sure some other fucker's got to the wishbone too Rio: keep an eye out for shooting stars Buster: Do my best Buster: Any less isn't an option, like Rio: Nah Rio: what can I say if you don't? Rio: see, best gift of all yeah Rio: room to breathe Buster: I know that ain't yours to me, someone's fucked with that tag Rio: Yeah, I just got you socks but worth trying to claim it Rio: you got me Buster: Socks have their uses Buster: Cold feet or otherwise Rio: Yeah, think of me whenever your feet are cold Rio: 😂 Buster: Obviously Rio: Where are you then Buster: You're not getting an invite Rio: Just curious Rio: Anyway, with you gone and them out looking, I've got the drinks to myself now so tah Buster: Shame it's not the house Buster: That'd be worth coming back for Rio: Stay gone a few hours more maybe the search party will include rugging up all the kids Rio: keep you posted on how special you are Buster: Cheers Rio: it's just your da and granddad Rio: which I did point out probably wasn't the best team when assumedly you've found a pub that's open Rio: might have to stop for a pint, even if you ain't Rio: rude not to Buster: & I had my money on mum & Nance, gutted Buster: The fan club's a fucking sham Rio: shit state of affairs, honestly Rio: where's janis when you need her Rio: sure she'd find you Buster: Only if you'd started searching first Buster: & Were about to find me Rio: That would've been a well good excuse Rio: just tryna find enlightenment it's okay Rio: my ma would buy it and she's the nosiest so Buster: There was a ticket to Heaven on offer so Rio: should've come on the search, like Rio: knew I'd fuck up the talking one so reckoned I could at least go a day or two without looking Rio: if I played it right Buster: I still haven't been found Buster: If you wanna do the honours Rio: Hide and seek Rio: what do I win? Buster: I told you not to ask when you already know the answer Rio: Okay Rio: wish its me that finds you 'cos awkward if it's them Buster: I don't need hope or wishes, remember Buster: Neither do you Buster: Not for this Rio: Okay Rio: no cheating, I'll know Buster: I swear Buster: Head boy's honour, like Rio: are you actually head boy now Buster: Did you actually think I wouldn't be? Rio: Didn't doubt you for a second Rio: hot Rio: in a nerdy way Buster: I'd have brought the badge if I'd have known you were so into it Rio: I know this christmas was going pretty shocking but you've really ruined mine now Buster: [sends her a pic of him when he was wearing it] Buster: You bring me problems, I offer you solutions Rio: 😍 Rio: If you ever go proper missing, make sure they use that Rio: well inspiring Buster: I can do better, but they can't show that level of inspiring on the news Rio: not even the 10 o'clock one Buster: Probably keep 'em your eyes only, babe Rio: Fine by me Rio: I wanna be the one to find you anyway Buster: I want you to Rio: Lemme sniff this out Rio: did you have your keys on you Buster: I always have my keys on me Rio: if you've gone home that's so funny Buster: You know I'm hilarious Rio: Your dad is Rio: if we wanna keep ruining the festivities tell your mum how dumb he is Rio: be a hoot Buster: Will do Buster: Hold on Rio: Alright? Buster: Depends who you ask Rio: Well if you've had an empty house this whole time and you're only just telling me Rio: don't know if this is even you tbh Rio: convincing serial killer maybe Buster: I just needed Buster: That breathing room I got as a mystery gift Rio: Makes sense Rio: I don't have to come Rio: if you still wanna be left alone, I won't tell Rio: they can worry a bit longer Buster: You do have to Buster: I wanna be alone with you Rio: I want that too Rio: hold on Buster: Okay Rio: Promise you'll take my phone away when I get there Buster: If you promise not to tell anyone that I think my hand is fucked Rio: How fucked Rio: like, if you show me how to strap it we can do that or sneaky trip to A&E fucked Buster: Like I can already hear the lecture about punching walls instead of bags Rio: We'll sort it Rio: I won't tell anyone Buster: Thanks Rio: doesn't mean I don't get to fuss though Buster: Such a mum Buster: I ain't got that many issues that its a turn on for me, you know Rio: Shut up Rio: so rude Buster: You're cute Rio: 😒 yeah and as unsexy as a mum Buster: You couldn't be unsexy if you tried Rio: swear you got just enough issues? Buster: Talking about them would take all night Buster: But so would what I'd rather do Rio: Well Rio: think they'll clock before then but Rio: take whatever time we can get Buster: Well then I swear I'll make it worth it Buster: Even if we have to be quick Rio: Jesus Rio: I know it'll be worth it Rio: how could it not be Buster: Yeah, but you don't know how worth it yet Buster: You will Rio: You too Rio: I swear Buster: Tell me this is actually fucking happening this time Buster: I need you Rio: It has to Rio: 'cos all that's happening is I'm caring less and less about the risks and more and more about just making it happen Buster: I know I'm drunk but I never cared about anything but this Buster: I don't Rio: We're both drunk but it's still true Rio: I can't stop, Buster Rio: whatever the fuck this is Buster: You don't have to Buster: Be with me, that's all I want Rio: I'm coming Rio: I'm sorry but even if your family walks in at this point I ain't fucking stopping Rio: I'm so sick of not getting what I want Buster: I can't not give it to you Buster: Everything you want Rio: You Rio: that is all I want right now Buster: I'm not even offended that you don't reckon I'm everything Buster: Easily proved wrong Rio: Exactly Rio: show me Buster: Fuck Buster: Say that again Rio: Show me, baby Rio: I want you to be everything, 'cos you're all I can think about Buster: Rio Rio: Buster Buster: Hurry up & be at my house for fuck's sake Rio: you know I live in the middle of nowhere Rio: [cos figure cali gaff has the most space so logic they'd have been there] Rio: it's the biggest cockblock, modern day princess in a tower basically Buster: 😂 Buster: I'm surrounded by princesses all day, you ain't Rio: Bit rude but I've been called worse Buster: It's the opposite of rude the way I mean it Rio: Let you off then Buster: Don't you know that you're on another level? Buster: Doesn't he tell you that in all those texts you get? Rio: He says a lot of things Rio: I'd be lying if I said I was always tuned in, like Buster: Of course not, like you said, I'm all you can think about Rio: Literally Rio: it's stupid Buster: Nah, 'cause if it was it'd be shared stupidity & I'm too smart for that Rio: 😂 Rio: very self-serving, but I'll take it Buster: Plus, I fucking hate sharing Rio: I know Rio: but you know you don't have to with me Rio: not really Buster: You're gonna dump him, yeah? Rio: I can Rio: we can talk about that later though Rio: what we wanna do for the rest of the time and all that Rio: don't think about it right now Buster: I can't think Buster: Not properly Rio: Then don't Rio: you know I want you more than anyone else right now Buster: Yeah Buster: More than anyone else ever Rio: Yeah Rio: Whatever it is Rio: I know I ain't felt it before Rio: wanting someone so hard all the time Buster: Me either Buster: Wanting someone this hard Buster: Never mind all the time Rio: I know it's crazy Rio: but I don't care Rio: can't Buster: Folie à deux, like Rio: You and your French obsession 😏 Buster: I had to learn to kiss somehow, you didn't teach me shit Rio: You wouldn't let me Rio: so NOT a pleasure to have in class Buster: You could've made you move any time Buster: Including before I was dared to make mine Rio: You take the piss enough that I was in love with you without that Rio: you'd have been even more unbearable if I had, like Buster: No Buster: I only was 'cause you made me do it & then it went like that Rio: I didn't dare you Buster: You didn't have to Buster: Don't act like there weren't loads of chances before that Buster: You could've took one Rio: Better late than never, ain't it Rio: be there in 5 Buster: Of course Buster: Be here now though Rio: Could hardly ask for a lift like hey, think he's here but give me like 15 alone, k dad Buster: Can't your boyfriend drive? Perfect way to dump him Rio: Yeah that'd go well Buster: You'd soon forget all about him Buster: We don't need 15 minutes for that Rio: Not gonna time you, like but Rio: hold you to it Buster: You don't need to, give me one second & you won't remember his name Rio: Fuck Rio: I'm so ready for this Rio: for you Buster: Show me Buster: I'm done waiting Rio: [when you show up and see 'em like hell no] Rio: This is beyond an actual joke Buster: [when you can't even answer cos you're beyond angry like if you thought he was mad before peeps] Rio: Fuck this Buster: [later cos you have to deal with them] Buster: Meet me tomorrow Rio: I can't Rio: we go to see my da's family Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: I know Rio: can't get out of it though we stay over Rio: there's no way they'd let me stay home Buster: When are you back? Rio: 30th Rio: you're staying for new year's eve, aren't you Buster: Barely but yeah Buster: My flight's next day Rio: We'll make it work Rio: they'll all be so gone Buster: We're gonna have to, it ain't no commuter flight this time Rio: Yeah Rio: you're so lucky Buster: Not how I feel right now Rio: No, me either Rio: really not in the mood, they're all in my face constantly Buster: My dad's lucky he ain't going to A&E Rio: Not condoning that but I could've easily jumped 'em myself so Rio: this is bullshit, swear they left us alone constantly as kids Buster: I'd lift you up, babe. Teamwork Buster: & Yeah, you can swear to that 'cause they did Rio: 😂😍 Rio: #goals Rio: getting my own place as soon as I can Buster: See, I do play well with others Buster: Come to London, I'm always on my own there Buster: Fucking typical Rio: I will Rio: and you can't be mad because that's an invite Rio: however casual Buster: Mad ain't the word Buster: You're always trying to put the wrong ones in my mouth Rio: Don't make my mind go there Buster: If your mind is anywhere else, tell me how you did it Rio: it ain't Rio: but your mouth specifically now Buster: Shame my mouth ain't specifically where it wants to be Rio: Shame ain't the word Rio: for a white boy you got really good lips, you know Buster: I know Rio: ugh Rio: be here Buster: I'm here, that's all I can do Rio: I'm glad we're talking Buster: You missed me, yeah? Rio: You know I did Buster: Tell me Rio: I missed you loads Rio: I thought about you all the time Buster: You're not gonna go see that lad now are you? Rio: No Rio: he wants me to but I don't have time anyway Buster: Don't. I didn't turn you on for his benefit Rio: I don't want him Rio: you don't either, okay Buster: Okay Rio: Not today Rio: you were mine Buster: I still am Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: it feels so good saying your name Rio: I wanna say it for you Buster: Call me Rio: [does, 'cos you gotta do something poor bastards] Buster: [you deserve this lads] Rio: [when even this is gonna be fire] Buster: [literally better than anything I could ever do] Rio: That was Rio: I feel a bit better now Buster: If you think you feel good now, wait until NYE Rio: I don't wanna wait Rio: but fine Rio: try my best Buster: I don't wanna either but I do wanna make up for lost time so behave & I'll make you cum for every day you've had to Buster: Hold me to it Rio: Damn Rio: you're really daddy, huh Rio: 😇 Buster: It's not that high of a number yet Buster: You can be impressed when I make the offer after being away for ages Rio: You better Rio: gotta have some incentive to come back, right Buster: Yeah Rio: I'm so jealous Buster: Put your teacher voice on & come with Rio: 😏 I'll get the 'fit Buster: I look forward to seeing it Rio: You're there to actually learn, babe Rio: maybe I'll tutor you, if I have time Buster: You're saying you don't have enough to teach me full time? Disappointing Rio: Plenty Rio: 'nuff to take it stateside Buster: Start packing then Rio: When we going Buster: Why not now Buster: Fuck it Rio: That's what I need Rio: you, distance from this fam and a place no one knows us Buster: Exactly Rio: One day Buster: Hold me to it too Rio: Can we stop doing the thing where you leave and we don't talk for months now Rio: like, it's exhausting pretending I hate you and don't wanna fuck you, you know Buster: I have to leave, but yeah, we also have to talk Rio: I know you're going Rio: I mean like I see you for a week or something and then that's that 'til the next family function Buster: I know what you mean Buster: It's not like that's how I want it Rio: Why'd it always end up happening, like Buster: What can I say? Buster: What do you want me to? Rio: I ain't blaming you Rio: it's both of us Rio: just, let's not let something happen between now and when you go so you won't talk to me alright Buster: Whatever happens, I still wanna Buster: It's not that black & white though, is it? Rio: nah Rio: I dunno Rio: we got separate lives to live Rio: obviously, and that's cool Rio: but idk why that means we have to end up hating each other Rio: like it is black and white, all or nothing Buster: I can't hate you Buster: Don't be stupid Rio: alright, pretend then Rio: you're quite convincing sometimes Buster: Well I need to be Buster: Sometimes Rio: Yeah Buster: Just don't break my fucking heart, yeah? Buster: Simple Rio: Why would I do that Buster: All or nothing Rio: that's not how I want it either, I'm telling you Rio: we can do better Buster: Obviously Buster: I can always do better & you always keep up Rio: 😏 Rio: thanks Rio: I think Buster: It's a compliment Buster: Nobody else can Buster: Not that I've found yet anyway Rio: Maybe you'll find yourself an American girl who can Buster: Maybe Rio: just don't get married Rio: can only deal with the accent for so long Buster: Before I've done uni & got a career? My mum would kill me Buster: She'd turn up with a shotgun to stop it, fuck encouraging it Rio: 😂 Rio: Nance is the hopeless romantic, I remember Buster: Good Buster: I don't do repeats never mind wedding vows Rio: Never? Buster: Like I said, they can't keep up Buster: I'm not running a charity Rio: You are funny Buster: I'm also too good at it to be having shit hook ups Buster: Tell your friends Rio: 🙄 Rio: No one's forcing you, to my knowledge Rio: so don't think you can complain Buster: I ain't Buster: You asked & I answered Rio: I did not ask you to specifically tell me how good anyone is Rio: let alone people I know Buster: I haven't Rio: Come on Rio: I know what that comment implies and about who Rio: not seen her for ages anyway so can't say I'm heartbroken over her, like Buster: I'm just saying for future reference, let you friends know that anyone can always do better Rio: It is truly amazing anyone wants to sleep with you Buster: They don't want to talk to me Buster: I told you it ain't easy Rio: It ain't hard Rio: stop flattering yourself for a sec, babe Buster: Start flattering me then, babe Rio: 😏 Buster: Can you really not meet me tomorrow? Rio: I really wanna Rio: but we leave so early Buster: You should go then Buster: Sleep Rio: but Buster: I know Buster: But I'll be there, won't I, you always dream about me Rio: Hmm so you reckon Buster: Come on Rio: You Rio: don't you wanna offer to make me sleepy? Rio: amateur Buster: Sleepy ain't the word Rio: I don't reckon you can get me to pass out from there but alright Buster: You don't? Rio: Nope Rio: don't feel bad, like 😉 Buster: Answer your phone & do exactly what I tell you, let's see how we both feel then Rio: [does, duh] Buster: [opened pandoras box here lads] Rio: [least you can do this to your hearts content no matter where y'all is, 'cept when Ryan is around, which is sadly too often] Buster: [god bless technology especially the waterproof phones of the future] Rio: [defs a thing] Buster: [they should fall asleep on the phone together though] Rio: [deffo]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Jimmy: ? Janis: Save you the details, want to brain my sister as per Janis: but I need to ask you for a huge favour on her behalf Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: hang on, let 'em play for a sec Jimmy: ... Jimmy: alright, go on Janis: 😑 Janis: don't you start Janis: well she's got a date that she doesn't want to go on, but is gonna 'cos it'll piss Mia off/potentially show her up Janis: aware this is like a bad, really bad, teen drama-edy but hold on Janis: but like she really doesn't want to go 'cos she's her and he sounds like a twat tbf so she wants to double-date it Janis: which, undeniably, would piss Mia off more so bonus if we can deal being around her Janis: we don't have to stay ages, do it for the 'gram and bounce, old skool Jimmy: 1. I was only taking the piss out of her, calm down Jimmy: 2. this is bollocks but I heard you at piss Mia off Jimmy: 3. where & when? Janis: 1. this is how she's got me rn soz like tread carefully boy 🐍 Janis: 2. I know Janis: 3. [Place and time] Janis: Don't worry, I'm paying if he don't offer, he's some posh kid Mia wants on/has been on, apparently Jimmy: I dunno where that place is but it sounds fancy as shit Jimmy: outfit crisis like Janis: Am I gonna have to talk you down in the changing room too, like Janis: well I've been instructed to look 🔥 so she's either #over you or trusts you to bring it, which is rude Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: calm me down in there if you wanna Jimmy: that'd be hot Jimmy: I always look 🔥 & this whole town knows it babe 👌 Janis: Might make shopping bearable, give you that Janis: 😏 Don't disagree Jimmy: let's go shopping then Janis: Easily persuaded, you 😂 Jimmy: you don't wanna? sounds fake Janis: Didn't say that Janis: Called you easy, little bit Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Awh baby Janis: so mean to you Jimmy: 😭 me Jimmy: enjoy your lattes everyone, nowt to see Janis: Such a 💔 mental image Janis: hope Pete is there to comfort you Janis: that's a sexy one Jimmy: your shout for 💔 'cause your boyfriend ain't in today Janis: Nooooooo Janis: won't bother coming in now Janis: what's the point Jimmy: I knew that's why you weren't rushing Jimmy: obvious you Janis: You know Janis: 'til I get his number, gotta keep you sweet Jimmy: keep me sweet enough I'll give you it Janis: How sweet is that then? Jimmy: I'd have to find where the manager's left everyone's contact details Jimmy: least a few sugars Janis: 😏 keep it in mind Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: let me know Janis: bit mad you couldn't even pretend you're having a torrid affair with him but still like ya Jimmy: bit mad you want me to instead of being jealous but still like you too Jimmy: suppose Janis: I can be jealous Janis: jealous and aroused Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: I'll keep it in mind Janis: 👍 stuff Janis: what are you up to actually Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: what are you doing? Jimmy: other than plotting Gracie's murder Janis: Literally that's all I've got done today thanks to her 😑 Janis: one minute I'm helping her find outfits, the next she's telling me to fuck off basically Jimmy: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: must be catching Jimmy: Cass is in a right strop Janis: Cass no, don't let the side down Janis: you know why or just 'cos? Jimmy: the prospect of family dinner ain't got none of us full of the joys Jimmy: but I reckon she's mostly bored Jimmy: she ain't done nowt this hol really 'cause I'm always working & leaving her to look after Bobs Janis: Yeah, makes sense Janis: You Dad needs to find a proper childminder, like Jimmy: she used to be out with her mates loads before Jimmy: I don't know what to do Jimmy: can't be the dickhead arranging playdates for a 12 year old Janis: Well, Grace did say she'd babysit for you as thanks Janis: so if she met Bobs and he wasn't completely terrified of her Janis: Cass could go out for a bit, do her own thing Jimmy: that'd be decent Janis: I could also go round there, more reg like, take him and Twix out to the park Janis: even if it's like an hour, better than nothing, right? Janis: not like your Dad is there to nope it so Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: actually Jimmy: You're just Janis: It's no big, you're the one actually working Jimmy: yeah but they ain't your siblings Jimmy: only your 🐶 Janis: Yeah but you know, they're alright, as are you Janis: it's only for the rest of the hols anyways Jimmy: steady on, gonna make me fall in love with you Janis: 😏 idiot Jimmy: I put a spare key out so you can go whenever you want Jimmy: Cass has lost 'bout 4 since we've been here Jimmy: reckon she only does it to piss my dad off Janis: Feel it Janis: he deserves it Jimmy: probably in the bin or summat Jimmy: find 'em all under her pillow Janis: making a statement necklace Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: she does usually wear it round, well spotted Janis: I 👀 all Janis: you've been warned Jimmy: gutted Jimmy: I better stop making eyes at the customers then Janis: How else you gon' get tips Jimmy: #where'sthejealousy? Jimmy: get yourself a girlfriend who don't give a shit, lads Janis: what you want me to be jealous for so bad? Jimmy: I'm just pissing about, Janet Jimmy: don't worry Janis: Likely story Jimmy: I miss you, there's one Janis: I miss you too Janis: and if you've been flirting with any old ladies Imma flip shit okay Jimmy: let's say I have 'cause I wanna see you fuck shit up at the CG Jimmy: & just see you Jimmy: so 👵💕 Janis: 😡😡😡 Janis: catch these hands deidra you old hussy Janis: get your own man Jimmy: have a heart babe he died in WWII Janis: probs look just like him Janis: least the dementia telling her so Jimmy: it's 'cause I'm so 💪 Jimmy: & got all them medals Jimmy: 🥇🥇🥇🥇 Janis: for being a prize dickhead, yeah Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Janis: don't act all devvo with me now, playing hero all afternoon Jimmy: come see me I'm so bored Janis: Have you saved up a break or nah Janis: real jealousy over them 🚬s Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: & I finish soon Jimmy: we can go shopping Janis: Yeah? Janis: Okay then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: maybe I'll find something to cheer Cass up while we're there Janis: You're so nice Jimmy: nah, she's a good kid Jimmy: didn't ask for nowt of this Janis: Yeah Janis: none of yous did Janis: so you're still nice Jimmy: more my fault than hers that we moved Jimmy: wedding crashing & baby daddy drama, remember? 🙄 Jimmy: to hear my dad tell it like Janis: Yeah but that's like Janis: not actual is it Jimmy: don't stop him Jimmy: he'd have to take some blame then Janis: Heaven forbid Janis: My parents always act like they're blaming themselves but they just do it so people disagree Janis: dead sly Jimmy: sounds like when all your sister's mates say how much weight they've put on so the others will rush to say nah Jimmy: you ain't Tammy you're gorg babes! Janis: Literally 🙄 Janis: I hate that shit Janis: but I'm up myself for at least owning it and not forcing everyone into the pantomime okay Jimmy: I always wanna be like maybe don't order a croissant then, babes, but #tips so Janis: 😂 Janis: You're such a dick Janis: I love it, never change Jimmy: least your sister never eats owt Jimmy: even Mia orders shit to stare at Janis: they're all idiots Janis: just in different ways Jimmy: yeah, I got that Jimmy: probably spent more time with 'em these hols than you've ever had to Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: half of 'em are named after countries or colours Jimmy: ?? Janis: Basic from birth Janis: destined to be each other's shitty friend Jimmy: my dad did me that one decent shout Jimmy: tah, Ian Janis: 😂 Janis: Your name suits you Jimmy: hang on, what's yours again? Jimmy: gimme a sec & I can return the compliment Jimmy: Juliet, yeah? Very real Janis: Ha ha 🖕 Janis: It's an old woman's name so you should love it Jimmy: I knew I liked you for SOME reason Jimmy: there it is Janis: Your perviness never letting you down freak Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: so romantic, babe Janis: That ain't why you're with me Jimmy: yeah it is, last of the greats, remember? Jimmy: twitter agreed Janis: How could I forget Janis: sent me my first nude awh 💕 Jimmy: did you want it then though? Janis: You were hot, wasn't gonna say no Janis: that fake sext was 🔥 Jimmy: I'm an artistic Jimmy: boy Janis: Yep, totally focused on your talent, boy Jimmy: I wanted to impress you Jimmy: for real Janis: 😊 Janis: Well, you did Janis: for real Jimmy: alright, good Janis: You know EVERY bitch was thirsting after you then why wouldn't I? Jimmy: I've told you before, you ain't like 'em Jimmy: & you could kiss me how you did & just walk away Jimmy: so Janis: Sorry to disappoint but you looked good Janis: and it was funny Janis: and you actually did it Janis: so Jimmy: I always look good, am funny & accept challenges Janis: Go out with me then Jimmy: I'll think 'bout it Jimmy: remind me who you are Janis: 💔 Janis: so harsh Jimmy: you want me to be kind, baby? Janis: yes Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: I'll be so kind Janis: 😍 Janis: Am I mean Jimmy: not to me Jimmy: I dunno how you're chatting to everyone else Janis: oh, exactly like this Janis: my technique Jimmy: nah then, you're 👌 Janis: 😏 Good good Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: why? Janis: Grace reckons I'm basically Hitler Stalin and Pol Pot in one Janis: if she knew who the last two were Jimmy: she's friends with Mia her judgement's for shit Janis: True Jimmy: do you reckon you're mean to her? Janis: No Janis: Unless I intend to Janis: she just overreacts Jimmy was timed out 4 days ago Jimmy joined the chat 4 days ago Jimmy: there's your answer then Janis: Yeah, you're right Janis: only doing this to piss off Mia Jimmy: #same Jimmy: & for the free babysitting 👌 Janis: 👍 too right Janis: cash that in whenever Janis: she thinks Bobby is cute Janis: hopefully a good thing, not a 🚩 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I know I ain't interested girl but you can the bar a bit higher Jimmy: aim* Janis: Under 13 is honestly not a #mood babes Jimmy: more about the over 50s but go on, like Janis: 😂 different strokes, I guess Janis: how non-shamey was that Jimmy: decent use of the word strokes Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: 🙇 Janis: I try Janis: 'til I get grey hair how else am I keeping you interested Jimmy: get to the hair salon, rich girl Janis: 😏 get a Brazilian blowout whilst I'm there Jimmy: I can't even fake 👍 Jimmy: stop Janis: I'm surprised you know what that is Janis: 100% sit with my sister and co and bitch about me, confirmed Jimmy: I don't but the threat was clear Janis: You're cute Jimmy: you're a dickhead Jimmy: but I like you Jimmy: & what the fuck is it then? Janis: not 100% what is Brazilian about it but Gracie comes out looking like a show pony Jimmy: not very beachy or hot weather appropriate but alright Jimmy: but not alright, nah Jimmy: don't Janis: it takes hours Janis: fat chance Janis: can think of better things to do Jimmy: if you ever can't, call me Jimmy: I can think of loads Janis: Good to know Janis: knew there was a reason I was dating you, like Jimmy: #formybrain Janis: Yep Janis: first thing I noticed 'bout you Jimmy: I get that a lot Jimmy: not right now though Jimmy: I'm so tired Janis: 😔 Janis: not a store room you can nap in Jimmy: ☕ shop, mate Jimmy: easy fix Janis: 🤢 Janis: you're gonna need to go 🚬 'fore you kiss me then Jimmy: demanding you Jimmy: but yeah it is 🤢 Janis: You're somehow just finding out? Okay Jimmy: piss off Janis: Just sayin' don't go spreading that around, you're meant to know exactly how demanding I am by now, Christ Janis: not that frigid Jimmy: I'm just saying piss off Janis: ? okay Jimmy: you're Janis: hello? Janis: 😴? Jimmy: I'm alive, no tah to you Jimmy: gimme more mental images of how demanding you are & finish the job like Janis: Ahh 😏 Janis: Nah, leave you wondering and hanging on Janis: bitch like that Jimmy: why I hate you so much Janis: I know Janis: Makes it more fun Jimmy: what happened to wanting me to be kind? Jimmy: fickle you Janis: 🤷 Janis: trying to keep you awake and on your toes, boy Janis: manager can thank me Jimmy: I'd rather do it Jimmy: Unless you're 😍 for him now too Jimmy: love a man of mystery, yeah Janis: 😂 yeah, you're too familiar now Janis: gotta go Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: what the fuck are we gonna do on this double date? Jimmy: never done one Janis: Me either, oddly enough Janis: I hope she'd have picked someone else if it was a keys in the middle situation Janis: but maybe not, omg Janis: she's conned us Jimmy: Mia would pop up from behind a plant or summat Jimmy: lunge for you Jimmy: in a sexy/threatening way Janis: 😬 Janis: we gotta cancel rn immediately Jimmy: #cancelher Jimmy: 😂 Janis: Babe don't let her get me Jimmy: not gonna 💪 Jimmy: such a hero like that Janis: I won't let Grace wifeswap you Janis: not until I've 👀 this dickhead anyway Jimmy: tah Jimmy: like I said, them brazilian hair bollocks are doing nowt for me Jimmy: she'd end up disappointed Janis: 💔 Janis: don't need her pity so nah, not happening Jimmy: I'd have to hit up that look but don't touch girl for tips Jimmy: can't remember her name so Jimmy: just the weak ankles Janis: who Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: who's this lad then? big spender but what else? Janis: 🤷 Janis: Goes to a School Mia wishes but too thick that even money can't, appaz Janis: not white, I think she said Janis: ego Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: this is gonna be a right laugh, isn't it? Janis: You ain't gotta ride him Janis: we'll have a drink and go Janis: might be enough of a dick that is a laugh tho so Jimmy: if I have to watch your sister try I know that's a laugh Jimmy: seen it before Jimmy: her flirting is 🥇 Janis: 🙄 Don't remind me Jimmy: show 'em how it's done babe Jimmy: fancy places always have hot waiters Janis: Livin' for the dramatics always, you Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: #artist Jimmy: gotta suffer for that 🎨 Janis: use your 😥 to paint out that pain Jimmy: use my 😭 Janis: No half-measures Janis: I know, babe Jimmy: pete ain't here, you're gonna be off fucking the waiting staff Jimmy: I mean Jimmy: just 💔 Janis: Well we're all devestated about Pete, first of all Janis: where is he, what does he do with his free time Janis: so many unanswered questions Jimmy: he's in a band 🙄 Jimmy: I'm gonna drunk dial Barry, see if we can't hug it out Janis: OH BITCH Janis: really withholding that info from me weren't ya Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 100% the bassist Jimmy: he is yeah Jimmy: I've been on his insta 'cause that loved up like Janis: So hot Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: Even though I'm mad you're tryna keep him all to yourself Janis: dickhead Jimmy: first come first serve, Janet Jimmy: I saw him way before you Janis: Yeah but I really SEE him, you know? Janis: we've got a connection Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Groupie mode activated Janis: bet they're SO good Jimmy: [sends his like soundcloud or whatever people use idk 'cause obvs linked to the insta] Jimmy: 👍👍👍👍👍 Janis: Come thru, you stalker Jimmy: told you 😍😍😍 Jimmy: step your game up, Judy Janis: in stalking or being your actual bae Janis: #therealquestionsnogirlshouldhavetoask Jimmy: you don't have to ask it Jimmy: bit nosy you Jimmy: #stillnotadecentstalkerthough Janis: Not allowed to ask questions now Janis: that's your bit not mine anyways Jimmy: #stayinyourlane Janis: Friggin' cheek Janis: I'll stay home then 👌 Jimmy: nah you won't Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know you've already left Janis: I could probably find Gracie Janis: follow the sobs Jimmy: go on Jimmy: if that's what you want Janis: shut up Janis: be nice Jimmy: make your mind up, girl Janis: No, just love me Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I want you, how's that? Janis: Works for me Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I ain't had no ☕ so we can make it work Janis: You should've Janis: not that mad really Jimmy: got a sudden rush on Jimmy: no time Jimmy: fuck you Pete Janis: Ugh Janis: fuck off people Jimmy: still had time to scroll though Jimmy: Pete's got a bird I reckon 💔💔💔 Jimmy: so mad 'bout it Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: Why are you trying to hurt me so bad Jimmy: 'cause I feel it too, babe Janis: I feel like all my dreams are dead Janis: crying on this bus Jimmy: tweet that at him Jimmy: he can use it for a lyric Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: hi, we've not properly met but 💔 Jimmy: he'd love it Janis: Enough to chuck the gf orrr Janis: I ain't bothering otherwise Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: Awh, thanks babes 😘 Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: love you 💕 Janis: love you too 💕 Janis: such a good friend Jimmy: back in the #friendzone Jimmy: I get it, you've seen an in with your true love, get on it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: #wheresthejealousy? Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 😍 Jimmy: who am I fighting though? Pete ain't in Janis: Take it out on me for now Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: Not saying you gotta remind me who's name to say but you know Janis: can't hurt, babe Jimmy: like I said, stay in your lane Jimmy: that's my shout Janis: 😂 Janis: Good thing you're #unforgettable Jimmy: are you hungry 'cause I am Janis: oh baby 🤤 Janis: but nah Janis: could eat Jimmy: nah you have to really want it Jimmy: the food here ain't worth a maybe Jimmy: starving or don't bother Janis: watch you eat then Janis: #creeper Jimmy: sexy Janis: Believe it Janis: watch you sleep later Jimmy: this is why you're last of the great romantics, love Janis: you're so 🍀 Jimmy: hang on, let me tweet it Jimmy: let the fans know Janis: gotta make the most of the ban lift Jimmy: that better not be a challenge, girl Janis: such a slag Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Jus' sayin' Janis: save a lil something just for me, yeah? 💔 Jimmy: there's the jealousy Jimmy: we found it Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: it's all for you, girl Janis: Shut up 😏 Jimmy: you on your way to make me? Jimmy: 'cause til then nah Janis: Such a talker Janis: never take a break, you Jimmy: you love it though Janis: You reckon? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: all 'bout the noises you Janis: 😳 Janis: Don't be chatting that when you ain't here to back it up Jimmy: I will when you get here Jimmy: so come on Janis: can't blame me for being slow Janis: I ain't running and I ain't the driver so Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: tell whoever is to get a move on Jimmy: #medicalemergency Janis: Sadly not our bus driver bestie Janis: he'd understand Janis: be gutted it's me not you but you know Jimmy: he liked you too Jimmy: I'm just 🥇 after the latest ride Janis: thanks for the pep talk, babe Janis: so supportive Jimmy: I know Jimmy: & always ready with a challenge Janis: I reckon I know what you're thinking Jimmy: ? Jimmy: go on Janis: Doesn't take a genius to work out you want me to go for your title 🥇 Janis: yeah? Jimmy: save it for when our #1 fan is there though Jimmy: 👌 Janis: You're actually in love with him Janis: 💔 Jimmy: he's a bit young for me Jimmy: but a decent Barry rebound I reckon Janis: Giving blowies for lifts, told ya Janis: with how cheap bus is, bit shaming but okay, have a nice life Jimmy: cheap for you, rich girl Jimmy: you gonna throw money 'round on this date, show this lad up? Janis: 😏😂 Janis: I don't know if I'm allowed to Janis: gonna need her to clarify what her actual plan here is Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you do what she tells you now? Janis: 🙄 Janis: Obviously not Jimmy: you wanna re-write that sentence then? Janis: If the goal is to piss off Mia, idk if that'll help us achieve said goal Janis: there Janis: pedantic Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Gonna be that couple are we Janis: having a row and making the other people wanna die Jimmy: Are we? Janis: keep 🙄 and we'll see Jimmy: keep telling me what to do & we'll see Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not 😍 for that Janis: noted Jimmy: unless it's like shhh go to sleep Jimmy: or summat Janis: You don't need to be told sleepyhead Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: but nah I'm fighting it 💪🏆 Janis: sure you wanna go shopping and not snoozing? Jimmy: don't you wanna go? Janis: happy just to see you, darling Janis: seriously, whatever Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Cass' potential mood upswing depends on it so Jimmy: we gotta Janis: Oh duh, forgot already Janis: your fault for being distracting Janis: 👍 Jimmy: haven't even been on twitter Jimmy: sort yourself out, Jenna Janis: Fine Janis: ignoring you Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: I'll get back to work then Janis: *is ignoring you shh* Jimmy: ☕☕🍪🥐☕ Jimmy: 👵💕 Janis: Such a pervert Jimmy: I'm so busy I can't reply soz Jimmy: 👴💋 Janis: Hate you so much Jimmy: I hate you too, babe Janis: 😏 you ain't even funny Jimmy: I am Jimmy: you're good at faking but not that good Janis: Fine, give you that Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: if that's all you're gonna gimme, guess I'll take it Janis: Let your old biddy customers tell you how handsome you are Jimmy: they are Jimmy: can barely hear my phone going Janis: must be being polite today too Janis: working for those tips Jimmy: they're polite so I don't have to be Jimmy: #blessed Janis: dickhead Jimmy: & you love it Janis: nice to know you're not a total arselick, yeah Janis: couldn't even fake date that Jimmy: tah for letting me know Jimmy: I'll pass on to my manager that he's out of the running Janis: I assume he's the chubby guy, mid 30s Janis: who I've literally seen once Jimmy: yeah, that's the one Janis: Thought so Janis: was already out of the running Jimmy: 🎻🎻💔💔🎻🎻 Jimmy: gutted mate Jimmy: he'll be crying in the back when he realises Janis: Shoulda thought've that before he shouted at my mans in front of customers Janis: poor Pete Jimmy: that's why he's really off Jimmy: can't bear to show his face like Janis: So mad Jimmy: he'll write a decent song 'bout it Jimmy: be alright Janis: gf will console him Janis: I'll make an anon complaint about the manager like the unsung hero I am Jimmy: coming up 🌹s Jimmy: top one, pete Jimmy: proud of him Janis: you can't be proud of him he's older than you Jimmy: how's that work? Janis: you're a child Janis: he's a manly man Janis: that's how that works Jimmy: piss off am I or is he Jimmy: sounds faker than you've ever Janis: 😂 Janis: deal with it, boy Jimmy: deal with me Jimmy: girl Jimmy: I'm a better man than any Jimmy: including your true love Janis: Hot Jimmy: it will be when I prove it Janis: I was joking but now I'm Jimmy: I'll show you I'm not Janis: Jim Jimmy: ? Janis: Just Janis: you're killing me here Jimmy: I'll make it better Jimmy: how far away are you? Janis: lowkey ages Janis: feels it Janis: still going 'round the houses here Jimmy: [sends her a fire sext like he did way back when] Jimmy: I reckon you should have something to read Jimmy: & think about Janis: I Janis: have you ever thought of doing that as a living Janis: you could Janis: way easier than slinging coffees probably Jimmy: maybe now I've got such a top muse Jimmy: you really inspire me Jimmy: [sends another one 'cause extra] Janis: Actually dead Janis: I did warn you Janis: Fuck Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: it backfired, I was trying to keep you going til I can do everything I wrote down Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Janis: Everything, yeah? Jimmy: that was the plan but it's too late now Jimmy: gotta call Barry & see if he'll be my date to the funeral Jimmy: look so good in black he'll have to say yeah Janis: You're so mean Janis: don't talk about him right now Jimmy: what do you wanna talk about? Janis: You Janis: and me Jimmy: go on Janis: It's stupid how much I miss you when you ain't around Janis: touching you and kissing you Janis: all of it Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I want you so much Jimmy: all the time Jimmy: I don't feel stupid Jimmy: I feel Janis: I feel it too Janis: I don't know why Jimmy: 'cause it's good Jimmy: you're Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you make me feel really good, you know Janis: good Janis: that's what i wanna do Jimmy: anything else? Janis: i mean Janis: lots of things can fall under what makes you feel good so Janis: not really Jimmy: chat to me 'bout them Jimmy: drown out these customers for me Jimmy was timed out 30 hours ago Jimmy joined the chat 26 hours ago Janis: All I can think about is how badly I wanna be alone with you in a changing room right now Jimmy: I'm thinking of places we can be alone here too, don't worry Jimmy: resourceful like that Janis: Man of many talents Jimmy: there's more privacy in this place than you'd think Jimmy: especially when your man Pete the only other smoker ain't here Janis: Why you been holding out on me Jimmy: blame your boyfriend, he's always on shift Jimmy: & I only just found out the disabled toilet gets so little use it's used as a cleaning supply cupboard Jimmy: must have better taste in coffee Janis: I intend to, add it to my list of grievances with him Janis: Clearly Janis: interesting Jimmy: you're gonna be over the character limit on these tweets, babe Jimmy: get typing Jimmy: the customer toilets are well nicer than ours, write an anon complaint 'bout that tah Janis: Got a lot to say Janis: you gonna let be vent to you? Jimmy: like I'm always saying, so chatty you Jimmy: but I've also said you can say what you want, loads of times so Jimmy: keep up, Jill Janis: You've also called me a horny mute enough times to give a bitch a complex so Janis: challenging that Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 poor lass Jimmy: challenge accepted, if you're frustrated enough to need to vent, take 'em out on me Janis: 💔💔💔 so mean Janis: it is your fault, like Jimmy: it is Jimmy: so go on Jimmy: use your boyfriend Janis: Jesus Janis: I Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: I want you to Janis: How are you so Janis: it's rude Jimmy: I've missed you Jimmy: is the answer Janis: I wish you didn't have to work all the time Janis: but it's good that you do or you'd be sick of the sight of me if I could see you as much as I want Jimmy: nah I wouldn't Jimmy: you're 🥇 remember Janis: You're gonna fuck me at School, yeah? Janis: I can't handle being around you all day and not at least kissing you Jimmy: if we have to be there then I have to Jimmy: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: we'll find somewhere Janis: Loads of the lads chat like they have, probably bullshit for the most part but gotta be doable Jimmy: #goals Jimmy: I told you before, I'll get in trouble for you Jimmy: I don't care Janis: I really like you Janis: you're fun Jimmy: you Jimmy: but I won't spread it 'bout & ruin your 💪 rep Janis: Cheers 👍 Janis: my rep is so important, obvs Janis: so many friends and fans, so little time Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: just make time for me & it's alright Janis: you're the only one I want Jimmy: make me believe it when you get here Janis: you're gonna have no choice but to Janis: trust Jimmy: such a romantic Janis: don't take the piss, boy Janis: #medicalemergency remember Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: I already told you, you make me feel so good Jimmy: it's that's not #romance I don't want it Janis: Good Janis: don't be dumping me for some lovey-dovey bitch yet Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: too many grandmas to choose from Jimmy: I need time Janis: take your time Janis: as much as you need Janis: then some Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: wish you weren't right now Jimmy: REALLY need that break Janis: we're 5 minutes now Janis: unless any more of your faves decide to chat on their way off Jimmy: unless they wanna fall out with me Jimmy: better not Janis: 😂 let it be known Janis: oi sandra, better get a wriggle on Jimmy: Doris, leave it out Jimmy: put 'em all on blast Janis: must really like me ��� Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: must do Janis: 'cos you know I ain't gonna tip you as good Janis: how the rich stay rich Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: oh rich girl! 💔 bit rude but I can't say I'm surprised Jimmy: there's the real tip Jimmy: spend wisely Jimmy: you gonna need all your wealth to flex on this double date Janis: Obviously Janis: can't have him 💪 all over us Janis: clearly insufferable enough without that Jimmy: you gonna meet me 'round the back then? since you're slumming Jimmy: or you wanna flex on some 👵👴 too first? Janis: You know I gotta 👀 the competition Jimmy: doesn't exist, baby Jimmy: so just check me out & let's go Janis: that's right, tell me what I wanna hear Jimmy: I'd rather give you what you need but if you're 5 minutes away I guess we can talk a bit Janis: I know, such a hardship for me too Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: take that out on Doris & Bill 🥊 Janis: No, you Janis: I'm not the one who acts inappropriate with oldies Jimmy: only got your word for that Janis: 😑 Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [more time passes than is usual] Janis: I'm getting off the bus Janis: you alright? Jimmy: rare appearance from your spurned love interest Jimmy: gonna make this more fun Janis: Which one? Jimmy: what did you call him, a chubby 30 year old? Jimmy: time to put on a show, girl Jimmy: let's see how 'down with the kids' he really wants to be Janis: I believe I was generous and gave him mid-30s Janis: which is when we find out he's 26 and the receding hairline is genetic, thanks Janis: chose a time to give a shit 🙄 but down for the challenge, obviously 🥇 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tell me what I wanna hear, babe Jimmy: NEED to hear, like Janis: I'm outside Jimmy: come in then Jimmy: say hello Janis: No more talking, yeah Jimmy: I'm not refusing you Jimmy: not when you chat like that Jimmy: come inside Janis: Coming Jimmy: [really extra kiss as a hello obviously but not sorry everyone cos its hot af] Janis: Well Janis: he's not looking yeah Janis: you go first Jimmy: alright Jimmy: one sec Janis: Try and be less obvious, babe Jimmy: me? you Janis: I don't know what you're talking about Jimmy: hang on, I'll show you Jimmy: exactly what you did Janis: You can't Janis: show me anymore here Jimmy: [does 'cause challenge accepted this is why you're gonna get in trouble lad] Janis: Come on, Jimmy Janis: you need a smoke, yeah Janis: really bad Jimmy: desperately Jimmy: how did you know? Janis: Me too Janis: amongst other things Jimmy: [lights her 🚬 up but in a really sexy way thank you cos SEXUAL TENSION BITCH gotta make 'em wait longer cos I'm rude] Jimmy: alright? Janis: yeah Janis: well Janis: no but Jimmy: ? Janis: You know what Janis: don't play innocent Jimmy: don't you Jimmy: come here Jimmy: get what you want Janis: [Does] Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: you take direction really well Jimmy: I thought it was only when you were faking Janis: Only when it's what I want Janis: but sure, we can pretend it was your idea, babe Jimmy: I don't want to pretend Jimmy: not right now Janis: Then get what you do want Jimmy: [does & it's everything he said he was gonna do in those hot sexts so damn] Janis: [After when she's got kicked out and he's getting fired, is ignoring] Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: what happened Jimmy: he's #overit Jimmy: & sacking me Jimmy: now Janis: what Janis: nah Jimmy: put your ear to the door Jimmy: not gonna get a glowing reference when I show up to work for the competition Jimmy: bit rude Janis: obviously I've gone Janis: can you not like beg for another chance Jimmy: why? Jimmy: not my fucking dad, am I? Janis: Alright but Janis: it didn't need to happen, it was stupid Janis: I won't come in again, feel free to throw this all out Jimmy: neither will I Jimmy: hanging up my apron Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: for what? Jimmy: only Pete's gonna be 💔💔💔 Janis: for getting you sacked, obviously Jimmy: you didn't Jimmy: I did everything he saw Jimmy: & we can use this Jimmy: not quite romeo & juliet levels but the fans will still be 'bout it Janis: Be serious Jimmy: I am Jimmy: think of a good # Janis: Think of how you're gonna deal with your Dad Jimmy: fuck him Jimmy: school starts soon anyway Jimmy: I'll take less shifts at the next place Jimmy: & we sorted Cass' problem without having to buy her owt 👍 Janis: That's something Jimmy: it's decent so don't worry Jimmy: my dad'll lose his rag, gimme a smack, I'll do it better & that's that job done too Janis: you don't have to pretend it ain't a problem Janis: one you could do without Jimmy: it ain't yours Jimmy: you don't have to take it on Jimmy: 🤞 we give each other enough bruises to call off family dinner Jimmy: get out of that too Janis: it's fucked Jimmy: just make it look good for the audience Jimmy: I love you so much I risked it all Jimmy: that sorta bollocks Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Sure Jimmy: I'll handle my dad's tantrums Jimmy: not the 1st or last Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: come get the dog for me before he gets back? Janis: Okay Janis: am I bringing her back or starting a new life Jimmy: up to you that Jimmy: I'm just hoping if you show up Cass'll forget about wanting front row & go with Jimmy: little lad's a given Janis: right Janis: do my best to be convincing Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: get pics to show how much you love me for getting the sack for you Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Janis: You're ridiculous Jimmy: why? Jimmy: what you wanna do fucking mope? Jimmy: get it together & do your bit Janis: piss off Jimmy: I literally just told you I don't care if I get in trouble for you Jimmy: so what's your issue? Janis: I care, dickhead Jimmy: then like I said, do your bit Jimmy: don't make it weird Janis: I am and I ain't Janis: God Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: & say summat Janis: What do you want me to say Janis: I already did and you ain't listening Jimmy: I heard you, Jasmine Jimmy: but nowt matters Jimmy: it's just a job & it ain't mine now Janis: Fine Janis: shut up, I'm trying to put my shoes on Jimmy: you can't multitask any more? Jimmy: too 💔💔 'bout Pete Jimmy: you can go see him when you miss him, it's alright Janis: 😑 Janis: Jealous Janis: I didn't get sacked, I'm not changing my regular for you Jimmy: get him to make your smoothies Jimmy: let me know whose are better Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'll try and remember Jimmy: calling his efforts forgettable before you've tasted 'em Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you would think that Janis: you would think that Janis: ego Jimmy: you said it Jimmy: poor lad Janis: I repeat Janis: 😑 Janis: you know I meant Imma be too busy now you're out the way Jimmy: you mean you're gonna be too busy with me Janis: you reckon Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you said you didn't want me to work as much Jimmy: now I ain't Jimmy: nowt but time for you 💕 Janis: so I planned it, yeah Jimmy: should've Jimmy: but just a happy accident like my birth Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: Miss you too Janis: No need now Janis: all that free time Jimmy: see, it's good news Janis: you ain't seen your Dad yet so Jimmy: I know how that's playing out Janis: he's literally going to kill me Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'd never let him Janis: even if you lie why it happened, he's gonna know Janis: or go down there and ask, even worse Jimmy: I'll say it was my other girlfriend Janis: maybe Janis: father son bonding moment Jimmy: shame you don't look more like twins I could drop Grace in it Jimmy: the manager has only seen you like twice though Jimmy: maybe Janis: Twice is enough Janis: gotta have seen her more and it's an insult to reckon even in passing you're making that mistake Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: I can feel you making that face for real Jimmy: be nice to me Janis: Me? Janis: You be nice to me Jimmy: I am Jimmy: gonna protect you from my dickhead dad 💪 Janis: Shouldn't have to Jimmy: we saying this is all my fault now Jimmy: is that the story? Janis: No Janis: you don't listen Janis: it's mine, idiot Jimmy: you don't listen Jimmy: I told you, it's not Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: Oh my God Janis: am I coming over right now or what Janis: yeah, I am Jimmy: It don't make you less of a diickhead Jimmy: you're still chatting shit Jimmy: stop Janis: Charming Jimmy: it's why you like me Janis: Mhmm Janis: not 'cos I'm fucked in the head or nothing Jimmy: piss off Janis: nah Jimmy: for fuck's sake Jimmy: just come over Janis: I am Jimmy: don't have to bring your 😍 but gutted 'bout the lack of enthusiasm Janis: What YOU chatting Janis: always 😍 to see Twix Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: she feels it Janis: I know Janis: chat all the time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: she'll be so 💔 I can walk her now Janis: Guard your shoes Janis: heads up Jimmy: tah Jimmy: can't afford to buy more 'cause of 🐶💔 Janis: don't Janis: feel bad enough, fuck's sake Jimmy: you Jimmy: I can't keep telling you it's not your fault Janis: then don't Janis: but literally would not have happened if I weren't there so Jimmy: I want you more than I want that shitty job, alright? Jimmy: so stop Janis: alright Janis: you can get another one easy Janis: yeah Jimmy: you've tasted my smoothies, you tell me Janis: that sounds weirdly filthy 😂 Jimmy: not an answer though Jimmy: I get it, you were faking liking 'em Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shh Janis: you know you're good Jimmy: I know it's hot when you say it Janis: really? you've not been deterred by manager simon or whatever the fuck literally staring open-mouthed like Jimmy: no Jimmy: & if that's your way of dumping me, bit rude Jimmy: coulda done it before he sacked me Janis: told you Janis: all part of my plan to get pete alone Janis: and single-handedly bring CG down, naturally Jimmy: should just go to one of his gigs Jimmy: you know there ain't nobody there but the band Janis: so bitter Janis: art about it, babe Jimmy: I will Jimmy: tah Janis: #muse 'til the end Janis: welcome Jimmy: really gonna miss you when you're Pete's groupie Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: I prefer band wife Janis: but gotta start somewhere Janis: it's been real Jimmy: Barry come back Jimmy: the coast's clear & all is forgiven Janis: 😏 Janis: just don't let him impregnate you Jimmy: yeah one baby is enough Jimmy: really should've grabbed it from the CG before I left Janis: put a hat and apron on it it's your replacement sorted Jimmy: taught her everything she knows Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: a girl is it Jimmy: Barry only wants daughters he can warn blokes off of, he's that kinda dad Janis: creepy Janis: you 💕 him Jimmy: he's a decent rebound Jimmy: had the practice Janis: accidental or intentional shade Janis: either way fuck you Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: calling my inexperienced Jimmy: nah Jimmy: calling him very experienced at being dumped and picking up dumpees Janis: Hmm Janis: ok Jimmy: & you aren't inexperienced anymore Jimmy: Pete will be 😍😍😍 Janis: no need to toot your own horn that hard either Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: do it for me then Janis: Pervert Janis: after that glowing review you ain't getting from CG, yeah Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: is that your word of the day? Jimmy: really getting full use Janis: if you wanna stop being one Janis: lemme know Jimmy: any time you wanna shut up, go on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: in a bit Janis: [bit] Janis: here Janis: bring out the dog/relevant kids Jimmy: [does] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: idk Janis: hope it's not the worst it could be Jimmy: tah Jimmy: don't forget the pics, yeah Janis: I won't Jimmy: alright Janis: call me if you need Jimmy: dramatic Jimmy: call me if YOU need Jimmy: the kids are on one Janis: how is that dramatic Jimmy: I already said, I can handle my dad's tantrums Janis: well excuse me for caring Jimmy: just don't bring 'em back til I let you know Jimmy: if you care so much Janis: I won't Janis: I'm not stupid Jimmy: just me Jimmy: I got that Janis: No Jimmy: what? Janis: You aren't, alright Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: you've been calling me an idiot non stop Janis: because I feel like one Janis: don't act like that doesn't make sense Jimmy: it makes sense that you're a dickhead Jimmy: come inside for a sec Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: just gimme one second Jimmy: & then you can go Janis: give me two Jimmy: alright Janis: [has to kiss him first do doesn't say it] Jimmy: [kisses her back really hard 'cause same & holds her 'cause comfort needed bitch] Janis: [Hugs for longer than should like bitch leave] Jimmy: you gotta go Jimmy: I can hear Twix losing it outside Janis: Yeah Janis: I know Janis: [kisses some more then leaves fr] Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: alright? Janis: yeah Janis: you? Jimmy: I just need to leave then you can bring 'em back Janis: okay Janis: go to mine? Jimmy: who's there? Janis: Us, currently but by the time you get there we won't Janis: wait for me in the barn Jimmy: okay Janis: do you need anything i can get on my way back Jimmy: just bring yourself Janis: okay Jimmy: Janis Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: nowt I just Jimmy: tah for looking after 'em Janis: 'course Janis: no problem Jimmy: I don't have to give Cass a smack too, do I? Janis: Nah Janis: she was chatting to me when Bobby couldn't hear but she weren't letting on to him so Jimmy: I've text her so she knows Dad ain't murdered me Jimmy: not that there's a rug or owt missing, just me Janis: 👍 Janis: good Janis: gutted not to go true crime detective on it but Jimmy: you'd solve it too fast for it to be a laugh anyway Jimmy: too many clues Janis: true Janis: bit embarrassing, really Jimmy: can you get 🚬 actually? this pack is so light Jimmy: & get the kids 🍬 to soften the blow of not having my company for a bit Janis: my bad Janis: done and done Janis: not getting your Dad nothing Jimmy: he'll be 💔 Jimmy: needs a 🤕 Janis: nope Janis: stick a plaster on it and good luck Jimmy: brutal you Janis: He started it Jimmy: nah, I did Jimmy: losing me job Janis: so? not an excuse Janis: not like he's gotta retrain someone is it Jimmy: he don't need one Jimmy: any will do Janis: hate him Jimmy: #same Jimmy: not a couple brag for them 'gram but decent we've got that much in common Janis: obviously, soz Janis: your da, you actually have to deal with him Jimmy: I try not to Jimmy: got enough on Jimmy: don't let yours see me, yeah Janis: I won't Janis: promise Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I promise not to get blood on you Jimmy: maybe Janis: Jimmy Janis: how bad is it then Jimmy: nowt serious Jimmy: it's happened before so it does the next time, like Janis: I'll fix it Jimmy: I know Jimmy: feel better already me Janis: you will Janis: you know you can stay as long as you need to Jimmy: just not as long as I want Jimmy: Cass'd be fuming Janis: and you'd miss 'em Janis: come on Jimmy: let's move 'em in Jimmy: what could be more #goals Jimmy: living with a 6 year old going on toddler & 12 year old going on 22 Janis: Obviously Janis: save the teen pregnancy which has frankly been overdone in this fam so Janis: plenty of empty rooms if you can stand the cunts Jimmy: shame you can't bring Twix though that'd be helpful Janis: I know Janis: poor bitch Jimmy: anyone you know that doesn't have cats by the million? Janis: 'course Janis: my grandparents would take her Janis: can sort anything I can Jimmy: I wish you could Jimmy: for real Jimmy: It's all Jimmy: such bollocks Janis: Yeah Janis: I know Jimmy: I don't want 'em to see me but I don't wanna just leave 'em with him Jimmy: ever Jimmy: that's not Janis: It's Janis: total catch 22 Janis: he wouldn't do anything like that to them though, yeah? Janis: not saying he's winning dad of the year in the meantime but Jimmy: but Cass is gonna be mad enough to say anything Jimmy: & Bobby's gonna be so scared Jimmy: when are they not Janis: what can we do, seriously Janis: is it gonna be worse if you go home with them Janis: like assumedly Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: I just can't go back there right now Janis: You don't have to Janis: ask Cass to be extra nice to Bobby Janis: keep it together 'til you can go back Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it's not fucking fair on her though Jimmy: nowt of it Jimmy: some hol this has been Janis: it ain't on you either Janis: that's on him though Janis: it can't even begin to be fair 'til he sorts his shit so Janis: she's old enough to know that Jimmy: I'm not 12 Jimmy: & it weren't like this for me when I was Jimmy: bad but not Janis: Shit's changed and that's out of your control Janis: the more you 'front like it ain't the more you put yourself in the firing line when it's meant to be him Jimmy: it's changed them so much & I Jimmy: someone's gotta take the hit for that Jimmy: he won't Janis: I get it Janis: like, not making it about me but I seriously do Janis: but they won't thank you for it, they'd rather you were at least a little bit fucking alright, you know Janis: they need you like that Jimmy: I'll be alright Jimmy: you're coming to fix me up Janis: Yeah Janis: we will work it out Jimmy: It's good that I met you Jimmy: best thing about being here Jimmy: only decent one maybe Janis: Competition ain't tough but Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: the free medical attention coming my way has really elevated this whole girlfriend thing up one Jimmy: full shade to my ex for not coming through when she had her time Janis: Just don't start getting beat up for the attention, yeah Jimmy: with this face? Jimmy: it's my money maker, the rest of living ain't free, sweetheart Jimmy: good thing I don't have to work tomorrow, not looking pretty right now, sorry ladies Janis: You're so Janis: #sorrydorisyoumean Janis: better tell her you've moved so she can follow so you know it's real Jimmy: Pete's gonna have a 9-5 cleaning tables when the mass exodus happens Jimmy: sorry mate Jimmy: give him loads of time to work on his songs though Janis: all the 💔 will help him Janis: make him miss you even more but that's life, baby Jimmy: do you reckon Grace & her mates will believe I'm just on a really long break out back? Janis: 😂 Janis: would if you hadn't been dramatic on the 'gram Janis: their real hunting ground Jimmy: speak of 😈 Mia just liked it Janis: she's so bloody creepy Jimmy: did you see her latest selfie 💀 Jimmy: [sends it] Janis: 🦆 Jimmy: sorta impressive that your sister can find bollocks to comment Jimmy: that isn't like Jimmy: you look like death Janis: #tooreal for any of them Janis: especially Gracie Jimmy: at least her last selfie was alright Jimmy: I could chat shit on that if I had to Janis: go marry her then Jimmy: told you, you don't look alike enough Jimmy: can't be showing up like oops wrong one Janis: 😂 Janis: she would lock me in a cupboard she's got no shame Jimmy: insight into your childhood there? Jimmy: Harry Potter got nowt on you Janis: Yeah right Janis: too early for that shit Jimmy: it don't feel early to me Jimmy: this has been the longest fucking day Janis: You wanna hear my sad childhood stories then Janis: cheer you right up Jimmy: I'm out 🚬 Jimmy: gotta do summat Janis: Mysterious Jimmy: is it? Janis: What are you doing? Jimmy: walking Jimmy: 'cause you live in the middle of nowhere for some reason Janis: tell me about it Jimmy: have you dropped 'em off yet? Janis: in shop, picking their sweets Jimmy: soz Jimmy: you'll be ages Jimmy: it'll feel like a long day by then Janis: yeah Janis: realising Jimmy: I'll make it up to you Janis: you can't Janis: you're a patient Jimmy: I'm bleeding but not to death Jimmy: plenty I can still do 💪 Janis: Shh, save your strength Janis: hard for me too, I know you're gonna look even hotter and it's just Jimmy: fuck your childhood stories, I'm learning shit here Janis: 😳 shut up that's a thing Jimmy: I'll shut up if you keep talking Jimmy: tell me again how hot I am Janis: you know you are Janis: you need me to tell you Jimmy: yeah Janis: I think you're probably the best-looking person I've ever seen in person Janis: people don't just look like that Jimmy: that's bollocks 'cause you look Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: beautiful, alright Janis: it ain't though Janis: I could look at you forever Jimmy: do it then Jimmy: I don't mind Janis: I'll start when you get here Jimmy: you're gonna look at me 😒 when I tell you Janis: tell me what Jimmy: I think I took a wrong turn Jimmy: I don't know where the fuck I am Janis: oh babe Janis: I'll find you Janis: now going yours, finally Jimmy: 🍀 all looks the same Janis: Gonna have to track you Janis: be THAT girl just 'cos you're a liability Jimmy: we can say that's the reason, yeah Janis: Please Janis: if I want you I don't even need to whistle Jimmy: if you want me to piss off you don't have to unclip my lead either Jimmy: just say Janis: I don't Janis: but you can, if you want Jimmy: why would I be lost in the general direction of your house if I wanted that Janis: Just saying Janis: you don't owe me nothing Jimmy: shut up Janis: I just Janis: I don't know Jimmy: I just need you right now Jimmy: so Janis: you've got me then Jimmy: I want you too, you know Jimmy: It ain't just that I got nowhere to go Jimmy: I'd break into the CG before going somewhere I don't want Janis: You don't have to say it Janis: I was just being stupid Jimmy: You aren't Jimmy: & I want to Jimmy: just listen to me Janis: I am Jimmy: yeah we say that Janis: Tell me Janis: whatever you wanna Jimmy: I've never said owt I don't want Janis: Okay Janis: I believe you Janis: sometimes I forget what was fake and what's real Janis: it's all Janis: muddled in my head Jimmy: ask me Jimmy: whenever you wanna Janis: alright Janis: how come you're so sure though Jimmy: you saying I chat shit? bit rude Janis: No I mean Janis: how do you know what I mean and don't Jimmy: I don't Jimmy: this could all be bollocks Janis: that don't bother you then Jimmy: you can't fake everything Jimmy: when you're with me I know how you feel Janis: Good Janis: I'm not trying to hide it Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: everyone hides shit Jimmy: & chats it Janis: not you though, yeah? Jimmy: not to you Jimmy: there's loads of shit I haven't said but I'm not lying Jimmy: just not going that far back Janis: that's fine by me Janis: 'cos same Jimmy: don't worry then Jimmy: you know me better than anyone else Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: here anyway Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: I'm not going back so it counts Janis: oh right Janis: 👌 gotcha Janis: my fam would probably like to disagree but no one knows me either so Jimmy: sound more 💔 that you can't get rid of me, girl Jimmy: you should be happy, bit rude Janis: shh Janis: i'm glad i met you too Janis: it's just shit 'cos you don't wanna be here Janis: can't be selfish about it and buzzin', like Jimmy: I don't wanna be there either, not really Jimmy: I don't wanna be Jimmy: any of it Janis: yeah Jimmy: how do your parents get to decide for you how shit your life's gonna be & that's just Jimmy: how it is Janis: they just do Janis: must be in the fineprint for getting to be alive Janis: not arsed, too arsed, whatever, fucks you regardless Jimmy: I'm never having kids Jimmy: good thing I left that one in the CG Janis: same Janis: 'cos what kind of psycho wants the guilt, inversely Janis: like yeah, here's this kid I'm programmed to love no matter what and ahtever the fuck I do, they're gonna turn out fucked or hate me or Janis: nah Jimmy: guilt's good for my 🎨 but I'll be dried up by then Janis: so past it Janis: midlife crisis baby Janis: least women can't do that Jimmy: I feel like a dad of two already Jimmy: who fucking asked me Jimmy: & there's the dog Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Start paying the mortgage and you're fully a single parent Jimmy: with this CV? Jimmy: bollocks to it Janis: 🎻🎻 Janis: thank fuck no one needs me Jimmy: let's just go out Jimmy: do summat other people in our year do Janis: cool Janis: puke on me and you're dead, idc how hot you are or how bad your injuries already might be Jimmy: you're the pisshead Jimmy: I can handle myself Janis: fuck off Janis: you chat shit on that, that's your thing Jimmy: what? Janis: You always say I'm drunk Janis: when I ain't Jimmy: I say it when you are Janis: 🙄😒 Janis: agree to disagree Jimmy: I like you when you're drunk Jimmy: & you're a cheap date so 👍 Janis: 😬 Janis: wanna be more creepy Jimmy: piss off you know what I mean Jimmy: you're less of a dickhead Jimmy: it's fun Jimmy: you like me more when you're drunk Janis: do I? Janis: better go get drunk then Jimmy: you have to wait for me or it ain't #goals Jimmy: & my injuries aren't gonna fix themselves yet Janis: you just hoping i got a uniform Jimmy: now I am Jimmy: but no clothes is also fine Jimmy: I'm easy-going like that Janis: good to know Janis: 'cos this is nhs service and you'll get what you're given and be thankful, boy Jimmy: I'll be very thankful Jimmy: you'll see Janis: don't be so Janis: we're meant to be going out Jimmy: we can be #fashionably late Janis: it's selfish but i want you so bad right now Jimmy: no complaints if that's what you're being selfish about Jimmy: actually is a #medicalemergency this time Jimmy: You need to make me feel better Janis: I'm going to forreal Janis: then I'll make you forget about everything that ain't feeling good and me Jimmy: It'll be a challenge Jimmy: it hurts, for real Janis: I know Janis: what's the actual damage you haven't said Jimmy: keeping it a surprise now 'cause you're so into it Jimmy: be a turn on for you Janis: don't make me sound like a psycho Janis: I don't like that you're hurt Janis: ugh Jimmy: I'm not being serious, baby Janis: don't try and sweet talk me now it'll 100% work and I'll be fuming Jimmy: be nice to me Jimmy: I wanna be nice to you Janis: it's my turn, if we're keeping score Jimmy: we're not Jimmy: for tonight we're just Jimmy: doing whatever we want Janis: then let me Janis: you need to relax, seriously Jimmy: alright Jimmy: I'm agreeing 'cause I'm in pain not 'cause you're right Janis: 'course Janis: we can say that's the reason Jimmy: it's the reason Jimmy: don't be stealing my lines Janis: 😂 Janis: but they're so effective Janis: not annoying at all, yeah? Jimmy: THAT I do agree with Janis: Nerd Jimmy: bit rude Janis: it's easier than being as nice as I wanna Jimmy: nah Jimmy: I'll shut up & make it so easy for you Jimmy: go on Janis: I can't Jimmy: please Janis: oh Janis: that is nice Jimmy: I know Janis: fuck it, tell you when we're drunk Jimmy: you really can't tell me now? Jimmy: any of it Janis: I can tell you plenty you'd rather hear Jimmy: yeah? Janis: I'm gonna make you regret wanting to go out, that's how good it'll be Jimmy: we don't have to Jimmy: like I said, whatever we want Jimmy: if it's that good, I'll stay Janis: nah, we will Janis: plenty of ways to have a nice time Jimmy: alright, challenge accepted Jimmy: it'll gimme an excuse for why I'm covered in blood that's not my dad's a bellend Jimmy: #thecraic Janis: 😏 and you DON'T wanna encourage my psycho behaviour, sure Jimmy: do you wanna encourage me in cross dressing? 'cause unless you want me to wear your clothes I'm gonna look like a horror flick Janis: 🤔 Janis: no doubt it ain't really crossdressing with my wardrobe Janis: sad times, babes Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: you're a girl, how many times we talking 'bout this Janis: glad you can tell Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: jus' sayin' Janis: do me a solid and spread that around Jimmy: get on twitter with your nudes & save me the job Janis: not all as #cocky as you boy Jimmy: you've got every reason to be Jimmy: more Janis: it's different Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: not a serious suggestion Jimmy: not that much of an idiot Janis: you aren't shut up Janis: besides, not taking 🔥 nudes from the roadside for you or tiwtter am Janis: *I Jimmy: you could Jimmy: but don't get arrested Jimmy: can't use all my savings for bail Janis: exactly, too many #risks taken for one day Jimmy: or just the right amount Jimmy: so far Janis: shame Jimmy: that the manager caught us, I know Jimmy: I feel it Jimmy: the interruption was well rude Janis: yeah Janis: it was Janis: you were Jimmy: he could've let us finish if he was gonna sack me anyway Jimmy: but to be continued I suppose Janis: so spiteful Janis: what did i ever do to you simon Jimmy: you were so close Jimmy: he had to know that Jimmy: give us a minute, lad Janis: don't oversell it Jimmy: don't misremember it Janis: give me some credit Janis: 2 minutes, like Jimmy: I'd have given you loads more Jimmy: didn't wanna stop Janis: Babe Jimmy: ? Janis: you know Jimmy: say it anyway Janis: i'm so Janis: i just need to find you Jimmy: I need you to find me Jimmy: so go on Janis: I'm trying, what do you think I'm doing Jimmy: how do I know Jimmy: not tracking you Janis: 🙄 Janis: yes, i've decided to stop off for a quickie with pete first Janis: hold up Jimmy: distracted easy you Jimmy: also a heartbreaker Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's fault is that? Jimmy: mine & Pete's Jimmy: letting you Janis: if you had any idea how little interest i have in anyone else right now Janis: sad, really Jimmy: I don't feel sad Jimmy: neither do you Janis: not right now Jimmy: what do I have to do to make it not ever? Janis: don't Janis: don't be falling for anyone else yet Janis: i'm not ready Jimmy: you think I have any interest in anyone else myself? Jimmy: I just want you Janis: that's what i'm saying, keep it like that for a while yeah Jimmy: it is like that Jimmy: where do you think your competition is coming from? Jimmy: 🥇 you Janis: shh Jimmy: I'm serious Jimmy: you're Jimmy: there's loads of reasons I really like you Jimmy: even if you did get me sacked Janis: bastard 😏 Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: the flashbacks alone are worth it Janis: i wasn't even Janis: it was all you Jimmy: you were Jimmy: you always are Jimmy: you reckon I was taking the piss out of you for being inexperienced before but you've known what you were doing since I met you Jimmy: you're just Janis: It's not like I'd done nothing it's just Janis: learning what you like Janis: what makes you cum Jimmy: & you're a fast learner Janis: 🙄 Janis: i'm not gonna tell you you're a good teacher Jimmy: either that or I'm a slag Jimmy: easy to turn on & get off Jimmy: either way is fine Janis: don't tell me if it's that Janis: live in ignorance Jimmy: my ex would tell you it's not Janis: some girls are just lazy Janis: expect it to be Jimmy: I didn't make it very easy for her Jimmy: in her defense Jimmy: any of it Jimmy: not just Janis: don't need to say Jimmy: I know but Jimmy: I don't wanna fuck this up Jimmy: I'm not ready for that Janis: told you Janis: me either Jimmy: so don't let me Jimmy: I'm a dickhead but I really like you Jimmy: alright Janis: I know both of those things Janis: don't worry Jimmy: keep 'em in mind for a bit Janis: do my best Janis: you will be so distracting though Jimmy: not saying sorry Jimmy: where the fuck am I though? Jimmy: sorry 'bout that Janis: I am taking all possible missteps, find you eventually Jimmy: I have a headache but if you take that to mean that I don't want you to touch me when you do get to me, I'm dumping you Janis: please don't pass out seriously Janis: putting jokes of how dramatic you are aside 'cos I mean it Jimmy: I won't, I mean it, been here before Jimmy: physically but not geographically Janis: Baby Janis: can I kill him Janis: lil bit Jimmy: only if we do it together Jimmy: there's shit I wanna know from him first Janis: #couplegoals Janis: i get it Jimmy: it'll look worse than it is Jimmy: don't be weird about it Janis: I won't, I'm not inexperienced with blood thanks Jimmy: just Jimmy: I know you care Jimmy: but I'm alright Janis: I won't push it Janis: understood Jimmy: 👍 Janis: sorry Jimmy: why? Janis: for being weird Jimmy: name a day you weren't Jimmy: it's my top thing about you Janis: you must be weird too then Jimmy: do you think I am? Janis: well this feels like a trick question Jimmy: it's a yeah or nah one Janis: nah, such a normie, you Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: a deeper cut than the one on my face Janis: I like you, that's all that matters Jimmy: you gonna show me how much when you find me Janis: try and stop me Jimmy: I'd rather not Jimmy: you said you'd help me relax if I let you Janis: I meant it Janis: doesn't mean self-control isn't gonna be hard for me Janis: but you need gentle Jimmy: you know I hate self control Jimmy: especially yours Janis: take it up with my manager Jimmy: Twix'll be sleeping Jimmy: had a hard day Janis: you too Janis: gotta get you like 😴 Jimmy: what are you on about? It's been great Jimmy: just thinking about earlier at the CG makes me so Janis: so what Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know Janis: so tell me Jimmy: you want me to tell you how turned on I am Jimmy: that I ache for you to come back & finish what we started Jimmy: & I can't breathe 'cause it feels like forever since you touched me Jimmy: but I can still feel it too Jimmy: every time I go there in my head Jimmy: I'm back in the moment & I just Janis: I think I Janis: holy shit Janis: I don't know what I think my head is Janis: you're all I can think about Janis: all the time Janis: and that's so much better than anything else I had to think on before because you're Jimmy: it's the same for me Jimmy: that blowjob you gave me, your first one, was my best one Jimmy: that shouldn't be a sentence I'm saying Jimmy: like you shouldn't be all I think about & want Janis: I can't be sorry Janis: I want to be your best everything Janis: I want you to want me Jimmy: then you've got what you want Janis: swear Jimmy: there's enough blood here for it Janis: good thing I do live middle of nowhere Janis: what would the neighbours say Jimmy: I saw some 🐮s and they were #shook Janis: #haters Jimmy: probably reckoned they were in the abattoir Jimmy: soz ladies Janis: usually the boys that Janis: only need the one Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: teaching me loads today Janis: return the favour Janis: said i'm not gonna say it but Jimmy: there's nowt I can teach you Jimmy: you're Jimmy: just take your row of medals & don't be too smug bout it Janis: okay then let me beat my own record Jimmy: any time Jimmy: anywhere Janis: I need to, I can't stop thinking about it Jimmy: tell me what's going on in your head Janis: I didn't think it'd feel that good, just giving but it was so Janis: I don't know why people complain I'd do that all day Janis: you looked so Jimmy: if you could see how you're making me look now Janis: I'm jealous of the 🐮s honestly Janis: you really are gorgeous and I felt so Jimmy: every time I reckon I can't want you more you chat things that prove me wrong Janis: I can't wait to see you Janis: not 'cos you're lost and bloody and defenseless and I'm a predator like that Jimmy: you kissed me like you were fucking off forever Jimmy: so I need to fix that Janis: well Janis: I planned to but I have the willpower and actual self-control of a fucking crackhead when it comes to you, apparently Jimmy: did you? Janis: bit ott not like gonna-jump-off-a-cliff forever but Janis: i felt really bad Janis: feel Janis: but you said it ain't my fault and i'm chosing to believe that Jimmy: fuck all of that but the last bit Jimmy: stay Jimmy: not wherever the fuck nowhere but Janis: with you Janis: i wanna Jimmy: then just do it Janis: okay Jimmy: you scared me, don't do that Janis: i didn't mean to Jimmy: you can take the dog but my dad would probably notice the others are missing eventually Jimmy: it's just a shit plan Janis: what about you Janis: can i take you Jimmy: where are we going? Janis: supposed to say it doesn't matter because i don't know Janis: anywhere Jimmy: I'd say it don't but I'd rather not come back here Jimmy: the cows are a bit Janis: bovine Jimmy: I don't know what the fuck that means Jimmy: but if it's weird not in the good way my girlfriend is, then yeah Janis: just means like a cow, tbh, like when someone's dead slow and unmoving, bit thick Janis: Mia 'cos she's puking up her brain cells at this point Jimmy: & that girl who follows her round the most Janis: big one? Jimmy: the other 💀 one Janis: ahh, yeah Janis: fucking herd Janis: gracie is just a stupid duckling that imprinted and thinks she's a cow whilst she's waddling after 'em like Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Pete could write a #sick song 'bout that Jimmy: hit him up Janis: ha Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: got shit on my shoe, gotta get the first tweet in Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: good luck getting signal Janis: i reckon i know where you are, work on how you're gonna chat him up for tix so i can sit her front row for the drag of the century tah Jimmy: #willthemiseryeverrelent? Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: maybe we should see a show for real Jimmy: could be a laugh Janis: Yeah Janis: why not Janis: just remember you promised Jimmy: work on our heckles Jimmy: just don't get too jealous of my 😍😍 when they ain't aimed at you Jimmy: what did I promise? Janis: exactly that motherfucker 😒 Janis: no indie bands for you if this is how you're gonna be Jimmy: threesome or nowt, I hear you Janis: with your taste? nowt Jimmy: you love Pete Jimmy: what you chatting Janis: He's the only exception, I've told you many times Janis: special 💕 Jimmy: & I've only got eyes for you & him Jimmy: Barry when I'm wasted Janis: mhmm Janis: likely story, slag Jimmy: keep wounding me Jimmy: near death Jimmy: can't go on Janis: go find a girl with quirky coloured hair to cry on Jimmy: these cows are gonna eat me when I hit the ground so unlikely Jimmy: but a boy can dream Janis: 🖕 they're herbivores, you dickhead Janis: how you like your women too, I'm sure Jimmy: give a shit what they eat Jimmy: cows or girls Jimmy: both are eyeing me all the time Jimmy: like they wanna make something happen Janis: genuinely hate you Janis: so much i'm not walking to the end of this lane, come here if you're not a loitering murderer i'm looking at rn Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: there's the romantic I fell for Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: baby, take a step for me Jimmy: go on Janis: don't baby me Janis: you said you'd be nice Janis: 😠 Jimmy: alright, Janis take a step for me Jimmy: please Janis: [Does, a tiny one] Jimmy: [walks the rest of the way up to her & kisses her 'cause well that's just how he do] Janis: [casually covered in his blood, hot, touches where the split is gently and licks her finger after] Janis: let's go clean you up Jimmy: just Jimmy: [has to kiss her again harder cos wouldn't we all] Janis: yeah Janis: now let me be good and fix this Jimmy: You already are Jimmy: let me have Jimmy: [more kisses cos where is the chill on any given day] Janis: I want more Janis: but I don't wanna hurt you Jimmy: you won't Janis: [is kissing his neck 'cos safer] Jimmy: [enjoy his reaction cows 'cos we know he's living for it] Janis: [so many little kisses] Janis: is it just there or are there any bruises I need to miss too Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: which sounds like a line to make you find out but I don't Janis: I'll be careful then Janis: check you thoroughly later, obviously Jimmy: it's a blur now Jimmy: like it didn't happen but obviously Janis: Yeah Janis: you don't have to think about it right now, if you don't want Jimmy: & I feel like I've been walking to find you for half the day Janis: I promise it weren't that long Janis: middle of nowhere and lost though you are Jimmy: I'm just saying I don't know what's my dad & what's how unfit I am Janis: It's alright, can work it out together Janis: and go slow now I've ascertained you aren't bleeding out Jimmy: can we stay here for a bit Jimmy: not ages just Janis: if you've got over your moophobia Janis: 'course Jimmy: you'll protect me Janis: yes baby Jimmy: [kisses her again 'cause we all know that was multi-layered chat thank you] Janis: sit down though Janis: [puts her jacket down 'cos remember when yes you do it wasn't that long ago] Jimmy: [sits but pulls her into his lap 'cause obviously] Jimmy: alright Janis: am now Janis: you? Jimmy: am now Jimmy: [is just touching her hair so gently 'cause fave like soz for the state of his hands probably babe] Janis: [motions that he should lift his arms so she can take his top off him carefully 'cos already bloody and uses it to wipe away the blood that has dried around his eyes] Jimmy: [does & tries not to visibly wince cos hard & northern but actually a soft boy so] Janis: [gives him neck and shoulder massages when she's done, as she's putting his top back on Janis: there Janis: might not have got lost if you could see better Jimmy: I'll use that excuse, tah Janis: allow it Janis: and i ain't telling Jimmy: me either Jimmy: twitter don't need to know everything Jimmy: bit of blasphemy Janis: alright Janis: no God in your house, you've told me Jimmy: I'll let the world know what a good nurse you are though Janis: Not letting just anyone bleed on me, you know Jimmy: sorry Jimmy: genuinely Janis: don't be Jimmy: there's so much Jimmy: [touches her face where some is but like not in a way he technically needs to after a sec 'cos I just have to bye] Janis: just looks it, head injuries always do Janis: you don't need stitches or nowt, I wouldn't be sat here if you did Janis: even if it's Janis: nice Jimmy: if I did I woulda had 'em first time Jimmy: do I need to be worried you're like an expert on head injuries for some reason Janis: 🔪🐰 Janis: told ya Jimmy: [actually lols] Janis: you're fucking cute Janis: do that again yeah Jimmy: you don't get to call me cute sitting there looking like that Jimmy: you're Jimmy: being really cute Janis: [makes a dorky face which she means to be ugly but come on] Janis: what about now? Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause can't like he gonna say some extra shit if I don't] Janis: [touches his lips after] Janis: i'm glad you don't have a fat lip Janis: it'd be really hard not to kiss you Janis: i might die Jimmy: I still would Jimmy: that hero 💪 Janis: 💕 Jimmy: but next time I'll tell him Janis: aim lower, right Janis: [points finger gun at his heart] Jimmy: that's your shot not his Jimmy: so be careful Janis: [crosses self, does scout's honour etc] Jimmy: [does a lil lol cos she a cute nerd] Janis: that might be one of my favourite noises you make Jimmy: don't commit yet Janis: i didn't Janis: sensible, me Jimmy: how sensible? Jimmy: you gonna stop me if I Jimmy: [is touching her in some saucy manner excuse you sir] Janis: very sensible Janis: be an idiot to stop you when Jimmy: when? Janis: when I missed you so much Jimmy: [starts kissing her neck & moving down her whole body, moving clothes out of his way as best he can 'cause missed her too obvs] Jimmy: what about now? Janis: [casually gripping onto his t-shirt really hard 'cos doesn't wanna hurt him but damn] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: it's alright Janis: I'm meant to be Jimmy: I said, it's alright Jimmy: [carries on 'cause he's that dickhead] Janis: oh fuck Janis: don't start this somewhere we can't finish it again Jimmy: the cows aren't gonna tell us to stop Janis: so you trust 'em now do you Jimmy: I trust you Jimmy: [kisses her on the mouth before we know what's gonna happen oh boy] Janis: just tell me if I hurt you, okay? Jimmy: I told you, you won't Jimmy: trust yourself Jimmy: [starts from the top 'cause there & back at it again at Krispy Kreme] Janis: [starts unbuttoning him 'cos impatient] Jimmy: [likewise with whatever she's wearing 'cause he didn't ask like a phone sex line for once so idk] Janis: I want you so bad you know Jimmy: I can feel it Jimmy: but still like that you told me Janis: feel it some more Jimmy: [does] Janis: Shit Janis: That's so Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I Janis: Please don't stop Jimmy: not now I've started, you know that Janis: yeah but promise Janis: I like it when you promise Jimmy: on what? a cow Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: [says that he promises out loud] Janis: [kisses him 'cos back at it again with nothing but ily to say] Jimmy: [lowkey drops his phone & don't even notice 'cause hot] Janis: [Hit 'em with an after 'cos] Jimmy: is it weird that we always type instead of just talking? Janis: probably but Janis: not like we do it when we're alone Janis: and not in public Jimmy: we're alone now Jimmy: are you counting the cows? Janis: yeah, they're people too, they don't need to hear me going all out Jimmy: bit late for that Jimmy: they heard everything Janis: shh Janis: never happened Jimmy: I just Jimmy: it's not 'cause Jimmy: you Janis: what? Janis: are you concussed? Janis: look at me Jimmy: you don't type it 'cause you can't delete what you chat before it comes out your mouth, do you? Jimmy: that's not the reason Janis: does it matter Jimmy: depends what the answer is Janis: then I won't answer Jimmy: that is an answer Jimmy: I'm not stupid Janis: no it isn't Janis: you can't assume that it's in favour of your bias just 'cos Jimmy: if you don't wanna tell me it's 'cause you think the answer is one I don't wanna hear Jimmy: & I know what I don't wanna hear Jimmy: so Janis: I don't wanna answer 'cos you said it mattered so either way Jimmy: self control yeah Jimmy: just edit it a bit Jimmy: I get it Janis: what you being like this for Jimmy: is it real or not? Jimmy: that's why it matters Janis: why would I fake fuck you Janis: what would be the point of that Janis: fucking hell Jimmy: you wouldn't but Jimmy: anything else you say to me Jimmy: are you just hitting delete on whatever you wanna say Jimmy: I'm just asking Janis: are you Janis: 'cos you seem to be more ready for this conversation than I am Jimmy: I asked you, don't turn it round on me 'cause you don't wanna tell me I'm right Janis: You aren't right Janis: can we go now Jimmy: I suppose Janis: what's the point in asking if you don't believe me anyway Jimmy: I never said I don't Janis: didn't have to Jimmy: I didn't mean to Janis: whatever Janis: come on Jimmy: [stops her 'cause boy you gotta fix this excuse you] Jimmy: not like this Janis: you said you ain't got nowhere else to go and i said you don't owe me nothing Jimmy: I'd rather stay here if that's what you reckon me going with you is Jimmy: whatever I've said Janis: don't be dramatic just Jimmy: It's not Jimmy: I care about you, alright Jimmy: that's why I asked Jimmy: & 'cause I trust you & that's not nowt to me Jimmy: it's bigger than like any of the rest of the bollocks of knowing someone Janis: alright Janis: just 'cos I hold back some things doesn't mean I'm lying or whatever you think it means Janis: we're not going that far back, you said, not everything has to be said for the shit that is to matter, does it Jimmy: loads of people have kept loads of shit from me & if you're gonna be another one then I just wanna know first this time that you are Jimmy: but nah I don't need your life story Janis: Well what do you need Janis: 'cos if you're gonna hold it against me when I tell you something later you wanted to know now then Jimmy: I'm not trying to be that dickhead Jimmy: It's just Jimmy: he's never not in my head Jimmy: my dad Jimmy: & that fucks things up sometimes, I know Jimmy: but me, I don't want to Janis: I know Janis: however much I don't know about the whole situation there, I know that Janis: I'm not holding that against you, am I Jimmy: you can Jimmy: I hurt you, you can hurt me Janis: I don't want to Janis: and you didn't Jimmy: a bit Janis: just shut up yeah Jimmy: just let me say sorry first Jimmy: 'cause I am Jimmy: I'm sorry Janis: alright Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause he's shit with words & so that's a better sorry] Janis: it's just been a shit day, yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: but that's not an excuse Jimmy: I don't wanna do that Janis: can be Janis: it's valid Jimmy: I like you too much for that bollocks Jimmy: it's valid that I'm a dickhead & you can hate me a bit Jimmy: nowt else Janis: well I don't alright so stop Jimmy: [takes her hand & holds it] Jimmy: let's go then Janis: [drops hand 'cos not over it fully] Janis: can you just Janis: learn how to time this shit better Jimmy: It's not like there's a plan Janis: well this is the second time you've done this basically directly after so Janis: probably think about getting one Jimmy: I Jimmy: how else can I say I'm sorry? Janis: you can't Janis: just warning you, mood killer Jimmy: bollocks can't I Jimmy: come on Jimmy: whatever you want Janis: just wait like five minutes next time, yeah Jimmy: I'm not planning a next time Janis: fine Janis: [starts walking] Janis: keep up Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: are you serious Jimmy: like you said, it's been a shit day Janis: thanks a fucking lot Jimmy: I'm doing you a favor girl Jimmy: the mood's dead Janis: who asked you to Janis: and fuck you Jimmy: you're asking me Jimmy: I can actually read, like Janis: where Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: fuck off Janis: where Janis: I didn't Jimmy: get between the lines Janis: oh, all the stuff I didn't say, yeah? Janis: that's all you're concerned with now Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: no Jimmy: you've said enough to be going on with Jimmy: I made it too weird, it's not on you anyway Janis: Jesus Christ Janis: seriously Janis: just stop, come on Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: what are you doing here? Jimmy: you're Jimmy: & I'm just Janis: What do you mean what am I doing here? Janis: we're Janis: I'm your girlfriend Janis: and not such a shitty fucking person I wanna see you go back to your Dad so he can make your day worse what the actual fuck Janis: how is that not on me, that you'd rather Jimmy: I want you to want me to stay 'cause you do Jimmy: not 'cause he's a fucking dick Jimmy: but now you don't Jimmy: 'cause I'm as much of a dick Janis: how many times and ways can I tell you I do Janis: and you ain't Janis: this is a ridiculous conversation Jimmy: [this boy is lowkey about to cry my soft son] Jimmy: I don't know what to do Jimmy: [sits] Janis: [sits with] Janis: Jimmy Janis: I'm sorry Janis: can't we just agree to forget about it Jimmy: [puts his head on her shoulder cos v sad] Janis: Tell me what to do for you, babe Jimmy: don't leave Jimmy: I'm sorry I fucked it up but don't Janis: I ain't Janis: it's alright Janis: I mean it Janis: nothing that ain't fixable Jimmy: so let me know how to fix it Janis: just don't go home Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: I don't know why I said that Jimmy: proof that I'm not censoring myself I suppose Janis: I know you aren't Janis: you don't have to, I know I Janis: probably overreact to shit sometimes Jimmy: [actually lols again cos same bitch] Jimmy: me too Jimmy: you said, thank fuck nobody was relying on you or whatever when I was talking about Bobby & Cass before Jimmy: I'm not trying to be a burden of bollocks for you today Jimmy: that's it Janis: [lols with] Janis: You aren't Janis: I was just trying to show I knew I had it easier in that respect Janis: I think Jimmy: I've fucked your day up from getting sacked onward Jimmy: you don't need it Janis: well I want it so deal with it Jimmy: [looks at her with love bitch] Janis: [makes stupid face again like 'what' 'cos cannot deal] Jimmy: [kisses her cos likewise can't deal & will say highkey shit] Janis: Are you ready now? Jimmy: [kisses her again cos cheeky like that] Jimmy: am now Jimmy: are you ready to get drunk with some other dickheads? Janis: as long as one of 'em is you Jimmy: top dickhead me Jimmy: king of Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: we need to sort ourselves out first we look mad Janis: bit halloween for april maybe Jimmy: only a bit Jimmy: [takes a quick pic of her so she can see how much blood is on her] Janis: Well, if I didn't love myself before Janis: 😍 Jimmy: I like it but Jimmy: I'm weird Janis: you're embracing it now, yeah Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: for right now Janis: gonna lose it's sting as an insult but Janis: I like it Jimmy: I'll think of a new one Jimmy: it's alright Janis: your creativity knows no bounds, babe Jimmy: gotta stay #goals Jimmy: & keep my muse in a job Jimmy: one of us needs to be working Janis: a suitably #richgirl 'job' Janis: one notch above calling myself an 'influencer' still, thank God Jimmy: if I draw you an artsy nude so you can keep your actual of twitter, will you love me madly again? Janis: perhaps Janis: if you're gonna make me look like an old man then no Jimmy: 👌 it'll be my masterpiece Jimmy: no wrinkles just blood, 'cause your #kink Janis: you like it too shut up Jimmy: could be from Mia's severed head Jimmy: everybody'd like it then Janis: Hot Janis: I'd really love you forever then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: consider it done Janis: [Gets up and puts out a hand to pull him up] Jimmy: [takes her hand 'cause he WANNA HOLD IT] Janis: I promised to patch you up Janis: and give you a blowjob, actually so Janis: get a wriggle on Jimmy: you could've got out of that Jimmy: I didn't remember Janis: 💔 Janis: literally Jimmy: I wouldn't forget it once it happened Jimmy: that's the real 💔 Janis: I won't feel sorry for you, boy Janis: the cheek, not to remember everything I say Janis: how un #goals of you Jimmy: you distracted me with a lot of #goals shit you did right here Jimmy: in my defense Janis: I don't know if we're allowing it Janis: I'll consult the girls Jimmy: baby Jimmy: please Janis: You know that actually works on me Janis: how shaming Jimmy: [whispers it in her ear too 'cause he's a dickhead] Jimmy: how do you feel now instead? Janis: I really cannot go down on you right here Janis: I draw the line so stop please Jimmy: [sexy little earlobe moment 'cause he's a shit] Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Um, no you don't Janis: [Pulls him back and kisses him] Jimmy: make your mind up, girl Jimmy: stopping or starting Janis: Your fault Jimmy: I was making you feel no shame Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: Hmm 😑 Janis: you're very Jimmy: do I wanna know Janis: you know you wanna know everything Jimmy: but we should go before it gets properly dark Janis: why, you scared Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: but I do remember you saying you wanted to see me when you were blowing me so Jimmy: not using all my battery on the torch Jimmy: don't like you that much Janis: 😏 Janis: suddenly he remembers Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: the kiss brought it back to me Janis: not gonna have you claiming amnesia from this Janis: calling bullshit right now Jimmy: 😂 Janis: can't be throwing out that many cliches Janis: even these morons will cotton on Jimmy: me? cliched Jimmy: leave it out Janis: 😶 Jimmy: if they made a flick on my life dickhead's be saying that don't happen Jimmy: #original Janis: send the screenplay in to my little brother then Janis: I'll check it out some time Jimmy: I'll get on that now I got all this free time Janis: man of leisure Jimmy: gonna have to do my homework Jimmy: no excuses Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: ew Janis: i'm not doing it with you Jimmy: come over & we'll say we're doing it Jimmy: 😏😏 Janis: that's more like it, nerd Jimmy: you're a nerd Janis: I am not Janis: 👊🍱💰 Jimmy: [playfully shoves her] Jimmy: the fact you reckon that's the kind of lunch I'm taking Jimmy: sort it out, rich girl Janis: [shoulder barges back but gentle 'cos careful girl] Janis: I was very limited by emojis Janis: and did not stalk you, so Janis: I'll ask Gracie Jimmy: you coulda done 🍕🍞🍟🧀 you weirdo Jimmy: even 🥗 Janis: yeah right 😂 Jimmy: what you laughing for? Jimmy: you coulda even done 🍽 Jimmy: you fucked up, nerd Janis: you don't eat salads Janis: you rude bitch Jimmy: I don't eat whatever the fuck emoji you went with Jimmy: [does a hair ruffle like he's Tess in the past & she's Fraze but he's a pisstaking fool] Janis: it was a box i was aiming for lunch box Janis: 😡 Janis: [does face] Jimmy: [lols again cos she cute] Janis: Don't think you can cute your way outta this Jimmy: what if I'm hot? Janis: wouldn't that be the dream Janis: c'est la vie, nerd Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: I'm in so much pain now Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: [kisses him but pulls on his pouty lip] Jimmy: 😳 Janis: So cute Jimmy: [kisses her cos she's cute & hot & the dream bye] Janis: Okay Janis: you're hot too Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: now we've established that, come on Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Back in time? Jimmy: he ain't even back yet Jimmy: I'm fucked off beyond belief Janis: 'Course he ain't Janis: 😑 Jimmy: good thing I am 'cause there weren't nowt for Cass to make for tea but don't worry dad Janis: What a prick Janis: so little satisfaction in sorting it and being the perfect son when he's not even gonna be sorry/care Jimmy: least I can win big brother points Janis: 👍 Janis: What really counts tbh Jimmy: I've sent her for chips and whatever else she can get her grubbies on so 🥇 Jimmy: what you doing? Janis: Nice one Janis: Not a whole lot, still chilling down in the barn 'cos know I'll have to chat to someone about some irrelevant shit if I go in Jimmy: it is decent in there but it's shit that you aren't here Jimmy: 'cause you could be & that's what pisses me off Janis: I know, wish I was Janis: could go for some chips right now, like Jimmy: get a lift? Jimmy: your massive family gotta have some uses Janis: 😏 Not totally about the chips, babe Janis: am hungry though Jimmy: I'll get you different food if it's a dealbreaker Jimmy: you know you wanna watch a 12 & 6 year old fight over the remote Jimmy: like they ain't been inside all day Janis: Bless 'em Janis: Better than having to watch a 15 & 16 year old though like, go in a different room you privileged fucks, you really need the 'big' TV #exposed #thankslads Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: I'm gonna have to take 'em to the park or whatever tomorrow 'cause it's bollocks Jimmy: that's your invite Jimmy: help me milk my sickie Jimmy: fuck knows when I'll get a full day off again Janis: Sure, long as my lady love's got hers too, like Jimmy: she won't leave me alone so yeah Jimmy: must smell like you or summat Janis: 😍 Janis: least she weren't there to watch, she woulda defs gone for you #nohope Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: the audience you really want Janis: nah, get enough of that with the cats lurking like creepy fucks Jimmy: if you noticed them hanging 'bout then 💔 'cause I was clearly shit at keeping your attention Jimmy: gutted Janis: I didn't Janis: You know you weren't Jimmy: I know you weren't Janis: 😳 Jimmy: think of somewhere you wanna go tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: fun shit Jimmy: even if it ain't #goals Janis: I'll think on Janis: What kinda shit are the kiddos about? Jimmy: whinging Jimmy: nah but for real Cass is into all kinds of shit as long as it ain't the kind of shit your sister likes Jimmy: easy pickings for you there Janis: What about Malahide? they've got the castle and all that but if that ain't up to scratch, day at the beach Janis: even I wouldn't complain, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: that's actually a really decent idea Jimmy: I should have enough money for the train knocking 'bout Janis: If you like, I can cadge a life from one of my not-as-shit siblings, literally quadruple the time on the train, which is alright if we gotta but if we don't, result Jimmy: I wouldn't complain Jimmy: the dog'll be enough of a nightmare as is Janis: Poor baby Janis: she can sit on my lap Jimmy: if you sit on mine she ain't Jimmy: not her fault she's never been nowhere though Janis: firstly 😍 Janis: secondly, it don't matter if she's badly behave, my brother will take us in his hippie van so she can walk about more Janis: hopefully the kids don't get a contact high like soz but it'll chill 'em out so 🤷 Jimmy: least he won't be a brother I have to worry about fighting me then Janis: 😂 God no Janis: none of my brothers are harder than me and that's that on that Janis: he might chat to you on some weird shit you have no interest in but that's about your lot, it'll be fine Jimmy: firstly 😍 & secondly also 😍😍 Jimmy: stop being hot & not here it's a bit rude Janis: I know, right? Janis: Take it up with your Dad tbh but don't 'cos bigger sins and 🖕 Jimmy: any chance your brother can also bring you here now? Janis: So Igs, I have a dick appointment... Janis: 😏 Jimmy: if he's chill he's chill, yeah Jimmy: don't make the rules Janis: If you want me DOA 'cos shame 😳 Jimmy: You won't remember it in a bit Janis: So tempting Jimmy: so be tempted Jimmy: go on Janis: You just left Janis: but I've not stopped thinking about you Jimmy: alright then come back Jimmy: I'm thinking about you right now Janis: Fuck...okay but I can fully hide in your room if your Dad comes back, yeah? Jimmy: fuck him Jimmy: he don't matter Janis: I don't wanna get you in trouble though, actual trouble Jimmy: you won't Jimmy: if he wants to start shit that's him Janis: Okay, coming over Janis: track someone down to tell I'm still alive, like Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: I need to shower do you want me to wait for you so we can do it together? Janis: Wait Janis: I want that Jimmy: doing my bit for the water bill Jimmy: my dad can't say shit Janis: Definitely start your argument there, babe Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tah Jimmy: don't wanna talk to him but if I gotta Janis: Well he's the one that fucked up today so what's he gonna say really Jimmy: 🙄 loads probably Janis: 😒 Janis: I'm gonna distract you though Jimmy: you'll get through the door see the 🐶 and only have eyes for her Janis: I mean, she is pretty demanding but nah Janis: you got my full attention right now Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I want it Janis: Thank fuck Janis: be awkward if you didn't now Jimmy: I did reckon that maybe I'd get it out of my system and be like Janet who? but Jimmy: I weren't ready to go yet Janis: 😑 Janis: Got a day or so left in us then you reckon? Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: if you don't take me somewhere shit tomorrow I'll give you another day, only fair Janis: 👍 oh tah Janis: dickhead 😏 Jimmy: for real though, it made me want you more Jimmy: that's weird, isn't it? Janis: is it? Jimmy: I didn't reckon I could Jimmy: but you were just Janis: I'm glad I didn't disappoint Janis: 'cos I want more of you too Jimmy: piss off would you Jimmy: not to be all 😍 but 😍 Janis: 💪 Janis: 'course not Jimmy: You know what you were & it weren't disappointing Janis: You're cute Jimmy: alright shut up Janis: Nah Janis: gonna have to wait and make me cutie Jimmy: you're gonna make me 😳 Jimmy: stop Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: how long can I let my sister be out getting food before I reckon she's been snatched? asking for a friend Janis: I think you've got a while yet Janis: I'll let you know when you can worry Janis: got her phone, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: glued to it more than we are Janis: practically born with one these days Jimmy: can't blame her she had loads of mates back home Janis: yeah, must miss them loads Janis: least it ain't too hard to get back, when she's a bit older, like Jimmy: fuck knows where any of us will be this time next week the way my dad carries on Jimmy: he's gotta be with someone right now 'cause he ain't here Janis: true Janis: most likely, coulda at the literal least text Jimmy: I know he ain't got loads of mates Jimmy: must be busy, don't wanna think about it 'cause how ungoals Jimmy: what's the opposite of 😍 Janis: 🤢 Janis: Basically Janis: doesn't put me in the mood either don't worry Jimmy: I take back what I said before, that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me 💕 Jimmy: save me from the repeated history Janis: 😂 Janis: I can tell you all about how unattractive I find him if that works, easy Jimmy: don't think 'bout him if it's such a turn off, only gives me more work to do Janis: Don't be a slacker, babe 😏 Jimmy: never even faked it Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: I'll allow it Janis: I felt it Jimmy: I still feel it Jimmy: you Janis: You're killing me Jimmy: I don't wanna make it weird but Janis: ? Jimmy: I don't know just Jimmy: it's not been like that for me before Jimmy: all the 'shade' to my ex maybe Janis: I feel it too Janis: so not weird, just us usual at this point Jimmy: I really can't stop thinking about you, I know I already said it Janis: I know, I seriously can't Janis: and like Janis: give a shit about judgment that ain't why I'm saying it Janis: but I don't do things like this, this quick, usually, you know but I just Janis: wanted to so bad Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: me either, for all my chat Janis: Yeah? Janis: makes me feel better, like, it was happening regardless but I was a bit worried you'd notice Jimmy: there have been other girls, scattered about but I've only had the one girlfriend Jimmy: & you know how that went Janis: Yeah Janis: can't help being so youthful Jimmy: & we were mates first for ages it wasn't like this Janis: Makes sense Janis: I'm a casual billy no mates as well all know though so 🤷 Jimmy: me too Jimmy: we did try and be mates after but it never quite happened Jimmy: Barry's #influence Janis: Jealous type? Jimmy: not that simple but let's say it is Janis: Fair enough Jimmy: there was just a lot of shit happening & not Jimmy: for all of us Jimmy: how fucking cryptic, am I a paddy now or what? Janis: 🍀 getting so acclimatized babe Janis: but seriously, you don't owe me nothing if you don't wanna talk on shit, it's cool Jimmy: I know Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: easy to talk to? or I like it whatever Janis: I like talking to you and all Janis: I know I don't say loads (or do I? #chatty) but I barely talk to my own fam never mind anyone else so believe me like Janis: you're honoured, is what I'm saying Jimmy: can't get a word in, can you? Jimmy: I'm that dickhead Jimmy: I don't know it's like rule 1 of this new roof is there was no before & alright but Jimmy: there was Janis: Nah, if you were you'd be too much like my Sister and there's no way I'd have even fake kissed you never mind really fucked you Janis: sometimes you wanna talk about that shit Janis: it don't always stay before, good or bad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 like Jimmy: I'm shutting up now Jimmy: Take a turn, girl Janis: You don't have to but alright Janis: what you wanna know Jimmy: only what you wanna tell me Jimmy: I'm not here to dig Janis: hmm Janis: okay Janis: don't be weird, yeah, usual rules Jimmy: 👌 Janis: It's weird because I didn't want to tell anyone about it or talk about it before but now it's happened I kinda do but also, there's still no one I would wanna but you really so Janis: that was my first time, like, proper sex Jimmy: well now I'm glad I didn't disappoint Jimmy: shit Jimmy: I'd have never have reckoned that Janis: That was the plan Janis: to not let on, not 'cos I don't trust you or nothing but idk, why make it a big deal but Janis: there you go Jimmy: you could've told me Jimmy: I probably wouldn't do anything different 'cause you know Jimmy: but I don't know, I'm just saying, you can tell me shit from now on if you want Janis: I don't know, people get in your head about that shit, don't they, like everyone says first times are crap but if you didn't know then you wouldn't be different and it didn't have to be Janis: and it really weren't Janis: so, thanks, yeah? 😉 Jimmy: Goddamn it, Jillian, stop trying to make me fall in love with you Jimmy: how do you take your first time at anything and just fucking 🥇 Jimmy: bit rude Janis: You ain't mad about it Janis: team, remember Jimmy: I'm like in #awe Janis: Shh 😌 Jimmy: sort of wish I could tell everyone so I could big you up how you deserve Jimmy: won't though Janis: People reckon they know anyway 'cos obviously if some dickhead from School ain't bragging about swiping my Vs to everyone it couldn't have happened Janis: dunno how #goals everyone would rate that but I appreciate Jimmy: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: it'd get twisted so like I said, I won't but 🥇 seriously Janis: 😍 Jimmy: how far away are you? Janis: Under 10 minutes Jimmy: Cass is back, I'll fight her for your share of food Jimmy: what could be more #goals Jimmy: get a boyfriend who'd smack down a 12 year old girl he's related to for you Janis: 😂 Janis: My hero, truly Jimmy: I don't even know how you like your chips Jimmy: probably some weird way Janis: Lemme guess, gravy Jimmy: say something snide, you can't Jimmy: it's good Janis: 😏 just that you're an absolute stereotype Janis: but I seriously ain't fussy, when you've got a Dad who insists on doing needlessly fancy shit to everything, it's good to just have some straight up junk Jimmy: peas are good too Jimmy: there's loads of shit here anyway Jimmy: remind me not to give my sister money again Janis: 💸💸💸 Janis: I'll try it your way, impress me, boy Jimmy: if I don't with the food, I'll do it after Janis: You better Jimmy: have I been all chat even once? nah Janis: that's why I like you Janis: no bullshit Jimmy: so you can believe me when I say shit first time is a myth but it does get better the more you do it Janis: I will, even if that sounds like a ploy to get me to fuck you more Janis: not mad Jimmy: maybe it is Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: but I still think we can make it true too Janis: 'course we can Janis: as long as I wasn't awful, hence I had to check before or you'd feel like you had to be nice, like Jimmy: don't sound like me Jimmy: you got the right boy? Janis: If I ain't don't tell him Janis: you sound hot Jimmy: [sends selfie] I am Jimmy: you have kissed lads before though? you're not gonna tell me that you just smashed that 🥇 too, are you? Janis: DAMN Janis: better make that my phone background asap 'cos #boydonegood Janis: nah, I've kissed lads Janis: not loads and like I said, it sucked every time but Jimmy: thank feck for that Jimmy: not that it sucked but they exist Janis: Why? Janis: Can't deal with me being THAT good? 😏 Jimmy: nah I can't Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm glad I had though or I might not have agreed to our deal Janis: I felt nothing but I knew they liked it, so it'd be alright Jimmy: did they ALL fall for you or just me? Janis: One of them unlikely as he's a massive prick who's rode every girl in his School and most at ours Janis: then the other was a kid in Brazil because we always go back to where my Dad's fam is from so I saw him a lot when we used to go back more Janis: maybe but you know, years ago now Jimmy: he so did Jimmy: just thinking about kissing you Jimmy: you know what it makes me feel like Janis: Tell me though Jimmy: I don't even know how to Jimmy: it just sounds like bollocks but its not Janis: I believe you Jimmy: I wish we could stay in all day tomorrow Jimmy: but I can't be that dickhead Janis: We've got time Janis: however long we wanna Janis: not going anywhere yet Jimmy: I believe you Janis: Good Janis: You're making this holiday bearable, hell, this fucking town right now Jimmy: I don't have to say likewise Jimmy: even before when it was meant to be only fake bearable Janis: Yeah Janis: You're just better than everyone else here, that's facts regardlesss of what we're doing Janis: I should've found that out sooner but whatever Jimmy: like you said, we've got time Jimmy: when you get here stay outside for a bit, I know it's probably gonna piss down but I want Jimmy: I wanna just be alone without kids and fucking dogs & dads that might appear or not whenever Janis: Okay Janis: I want that too Janis: we're showering anyway Jimmy: & I'll keep your chips warm for you, I'm not an animal Janis: 💕 Jimmy: gimme a phone background Janis: [Cute selfie which we should defs find for each other 'cos yas] Jimmy: 👌 now I really wanna be alone Jimmy: so what you've just been walking around looking like that? bit rude Janis: Who do I think I am, honestly? Janis: Getting off the bus though, if you see me, don't let me go to the wrong house for a laugh, tah Jimmy: Hang on, what's your name again, Jasmine Canvas? summat like that Janis: 🙄 you wish, art hoe Jimmy: me? yeah alright Jimmy: you & your flair Janis: I won't apologise for being #inspired Janis: get you some concealer from gracie if CG gets mad about it Jimmy: I won't say soz for how much I've touched it since Jimmy: or cover it up for them dickheads Jimmy: what did you say before? Can't censor #art Janis: When it fades I'll give you another one Janis: so you remember just how much I want you Jimmy: I'm not gonna let myself forget Jimmy: or you Janis: I don't plan on letting you either Janis: but giving you one every time we screw might be a bit excessive Janis: don't wanna leave you that sore, poor boy Jimmy: just cover me tonight it's not gonna be topless weather at the beach even if I am that northern Janis: How can I refuse such an offer? 😍 Jimmy: you can't Jimmy: but I don't want you to Jimmy: I just want you until we have to crash Janis: Give me some too? Janis: I like them Jimmy: how can I refuse? not gonna Janis: You're fun Janis: and hot Janis: I really really like fucking with you Jimmy: 😳 Jimmy: it was fun that really got me Jimmy: fuck knows when I was last called that Janis: You are Janis: people are idiots Jimmy: we're both dickheads Jimmy: & I like you Janis: Backatcha Janis: See yours, come out and kiss me please Jimmy: I was about to ask where the fuck you were Janis: Shut up, I didn't get lost or nothing, you kept distracting me, as per Jimmy: you shut up, saying please when you know it kills me Janis: 😈 Jimmy: how do you look so Jimmy: who looks good in the rain? piss off Janis: 😏 and people reckon i'm unbearable now, keep giving me compliments imma be so bad Jimmy: Nah? I'm so mad at you Jimmy: Can't you tell Janis: 😞 Janis: can't you see this pout Jimmy: [kisses her by biting the pouty lip and pulling it in 'cause how dare she be so cute bye] Janis: [Makes noises 'cos gotta be quieter inside and also damn boy] Janis: still mad? Jimmy: Maybe Janis: Do what you gotta do 'til you ain't, I'm ready Janis: challenge accepted Jimmy: [keeps kissing her 'cause they extra] Janis: am I staying the night? Jimmy: yeah Janis: Good Janis: reluctantly go in now then Jimmy: would you have come all this way just to kiss me? Janis: 😶😳 Jimmy: then we can't go in yet Jimmy: [more kisses 'cause he's swooning bitch] Janis: I want to kiss you all the fucking time Jimmy: go on Janis: [Kisses first to end him] Jimmy: [Gotta give her a loud reaction back 'cause she's earning it] Janis: Fucking hell baby Janis: that ws the best thing I've ever heard Jimmy: if you wanna hear it again you know what to do Jimmy: whenever Janis: I don't wanna hear anything else Jimmy: but I've gotta let you get a word or sound in sometimes Jimmy: if only for me Janis: only for you Janis: fuck I'm so wet can we eat later or is that so anti-social and rude Jimmy: we can Jimmy: Cass & Bobby eat the speed of light, they were basically done before you got here Janis: I promise to be good and social and everything we need to be later Jimmy: I'm not asking for nowt Jimmy: you're here, I got what I wanted Janis: not yet you didn't Jimmy: alright yeah Jimmy: so come on Janis: 😍 Jimmy: [Hand holding to go inside, making Winnie's dream's come true]

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Marlene

Ali: Hey babe, sorry I missed rehearsal, know you rocked it regardless  💋 Marlene: Kind of need our lead singer to do that. Instrumental wasn't the vision for the track, babygirl Marlene: Where did you have to be? We could've rescheduled Ali: I know, I know, my bad! Make it up to you Ali: Ugh, got detention, didn't I Ali: don't even get me started on that Marlene: Make it up to me alone or me and the band? Marlene: Little rebel Marlene: Can't have you getting in more trouble by ditching, can we? Marlene: I'll add in another rehearsal, the girls won't mind Ali: Why not both? Ali: Come over and I'll record the vocals for you Ali: You know it boo 👩🏼‍🎤 Ali: Exactly, even though I'm fully staging a protest tomorrow Marlene: That's my girl Marlene: I'll be there front and centre, lending my voice to the movement Ali: Aww, so supportive Ali: cute 😉 Ali: I've rallied all the usual suspects so it shouldn't be a flop Ali: we have the allotted hours, like, if they fail to control us in 'em, why add more, yeah? pointless, where's the logic Marlene: Making me so proud to have you on my arm Ali: As you should be Ali: Though that arms not bad 💪 Marlene: I wouldn't be the best bassist in this shithole if it was Ali: One track mind 😏 SUCH a bassist Ali: don't you ever break that focus? Marlene: It has been known Marlene: For the right girl Ali: Introduce me to her some time, yeah? Ali: Get some tips Marlene: You know her pretty well Marlene: The name's Alison, like the song Ali: So soft Ali: Still say we do a Elvis Costello and Dolly mashup Ali: idc what you say, Jolene is a bop and you need to own it Marlene: If I can hear you do an original Elvis cover, I'll think about it Ali: Fine, I'll happily sing about myself all day Ali: can even get the accent down, thanks Ma Marlene: I'll be waiting for that Marlene: The girls are asking if you need posters or anything else for the protest? Anything to stick around and drink more Ali: Patience, babe Ali: Gotta save these pipes for the protest Ali: Feel free to go for their lives, like Ali: Bear in mind if they use too many expletives, the School ain't gonna listen tho Ali: creative language, not colourful, ladies Marlene: No promises on getting them to dial back the reclaimed slurs Marlene: But we'll leave off calling the teachers the cunts they are Marlene: For you, our glorious leader Ali: 🙇 down Ali: I'll take it, they're not going to go anywhere near hate speech vibes, too risky Marlene: Tempting offer Marlene: I'll take you up on it when we're alone Ali: Yeah? Gonna skip rehearsal more often then Marlene: For revolution and no less, babe Marlene: But I have missed you Ali: The revolution's always rolling, babe Ali: I can't stop the wheels of change, you know Marlene: I know you want me to make a rock and roll pun Marlene: But I refuse Ali: Boooooo 👎 Ali: too punk for me now? Marlene: Not gonna quote a dead white man either, not even Lennon Marlene: You're still my little punk princess, you know Ali: Throw some Yoko craziness at me Ali: 👑 Marlene: Keeping it back so the protest won't flop. Can't let it Ali: Sure, you just don't wanna get on the rooftop with your mates Ali: someone'd fall, or get pushed 😂 Marlene: Not me or you Marlene: With these arms we're safe Ali: 🔫 pew pew Ali: they wanna try me, bitch Marlene: We should fill up supersoakers for those who are anti our message Marlene: Piss on their negativity in a literal sense Ali: not with actual piss, right? Marlene: You have to start thinking punk rock, babe Ali: I am not pissing into a supersoaker Ali: not dying to prove my aim is as good as a man's like Ali: you do you, babe but I'll leave it at good old fashioned water Marlene: Now who's deserving the boos and jeers Marlene: So regal of you Ali: what can i say? my idea of a good time isn't pissing on my own hands Ali: crazy, i know 😉 Marlene: How true my love is Marlene: Any time's a good time with my baby Ali: 💙 Ali: forreal tho, what are we doing this weekend Marlene: There are a few parties Ali: where Ali: i wanna go as far away as poss Marlene: They're local, usual suspects Marlene: We can do something else Ali: Think of something better, yeah Ali: I'm sick of the locals at the mo Marlene: I'll come back to you with a plan Ali: 💋 Ali: that's my girl Marlene: What am I good for if I can't take you away from this shithole? Marlene: Not like it's that hard Ali: You got your license, 'til I got mine I'm at your beck and call, like Ali: Your Ma will be cool, yeah? Doesn't need to be long, just long enough to breathe Marlene: I'll make a deal with her Marlene: Name drop you since she's a fan Ali: Such a parent pleaser 😇 Marlene: If you sang it she'd do anything you say Marlene: Thinks you've got the voice of an angel for sure Ali: Aww, what a babe Ali: like mother like daughter 😏 Marlene: She had her moments of hell raising Marlene: Would to this day if it was possible Ali: Imma ask her all about it when I see her Ali: fo'sho Marlene: That'd make her happy Ali: Who doesn't love being scandalous? Marlene: Whoever gave you detention Ali: Give you three guesses 😑 Marlene: I don't need them Marlene: Most are in your fan club too Ali: Exactly Ali: Don't teach R.S. if you can't handle healthy debate Marlene: Yeah. We live in Dublin not a dictatorship Ali: Honestly Ali: Some people really wanna take it back to the troubles Ali: Shouldn't have said as much but chill, dude Marlene: Freedom of speech, babe Marlene: I've lost count of how many teachers I've called homophobes Marlene: Gotta speak up Ali: True Ali: you are a bit quick on the draw sometimes, like Marlene: I'm not letting them get away with it Ali: Just sayin', plenty of reasons to give you dirty looks, babe, not all of 'em that you're gay 😜 Marlene: I'm a perfect gentleman and you know it Ali: True Ali: You don't look it tho Marlene: You don't look like a rebel queen Marlene: And yet Ali: I know looks are deceiving, tell it to the homophobes, babe 😏 Ali: also you gotta stop with the compliments 😾 Marlene: But everyone's clearing out. It's the perfect time to shower you with them Marlene: Where do you wanna be? Here or there Ali: When bae only sweet talks you when their mates aren't about Ali: SUCH a fuckboy, darling 💋 Marlene: You know what I was getting at, darling Marlene: We can be alone finally Marlene: But only if you're in the mood Ali: I'll come over Ali: as much as my Ma is also a fan, just yours like, not so much mine Marlene: Let me pick you up Marlene: It's too dark for that shit Ali: Nah, I wanna walk Ali: gotta burn off the energy I didn't get to rock out Marlene: Hold your keys since you won't take my knife off me Ali: Don't worry Ali: My Da beat you to the self-defense lesson, like Ali: I'm sweet Marlene: If I'm not there to protect you, I'm bound to worry Ali: You worry too much, baby Ali: Good thing I'm coming to take all your cares away Ali: and I've got bud, naturally 🚬 Marlene: And I hid some drinks from the vultures Ali: Party of two 😘 Marlene: When you get here. Until you do I'm sitting on the floor alone writing shitty songs about you Ali: Try and write a good one, will ya? Not having it bandied about that I'm a shit muse 😉 Ali: you could never Ali: gonna play for me when I get there? Marlene: Been trying since I met you, babygirl Marlene: It's not you, it's me Ali: Nah Ali: there's a hit in there, I just gotta try harder Ali: as you're so anti-establishment, your brain is noping on writing a bop that everyone will love Marlene: I want you to love it Marlene: You're the one it's for Ali: I'm excited to hear Ali: assuming I don't get shanked on the way by the big bad wolf Marlene: Your tragic early death isn't the inspiration I want or need Ali: Tell it to the TV writers, hun Ali: angry protest song #765 Marlene: I'll sing you my shitty song and you can die laughing Ali: Never Ali: cross my heart Marlene: And fingers that I can patch together a chorus that doesn't make me wanna die before you get here Ali: 🤞 Ali: I have faith enough for two Marlene: As an angel, you kind of have to bring it Ali: No pressure 😓 Marlene: I'm more than okay with you lacking it, stick it to your detention giver over again Marlene: And I love you, so forgiven most sins Ali: A benevolent Goddess you are Marlene: Modeled on the original lesbian in the sky Ali: Debated theology enough today to live and let live on that one babe Marlene: Promise I'll save the angry lesbian god essay recital for another night Ali: You're a doll 💋 Ali: Oh, hold up, I see my ex Ali: ready for this awkward convo in 3 2 Ali: brb Marlene: Bet you want me to pick you up now, don't you? Ali: [15 mins later] Ali: That was wild Marlene: What the fuck, Ali Marlene: I was about to start searching for you Ali: Soz, more chatty than I remember Ali: only gone at got someone pregnant hasn't he Marlene: Dodged a bullet Ali: Tell me about it Ali: Still out on the town tryna get some though Ali: is that the new come on? I'm fertile! Marlene: In this town, likely Marlene: Which ex is it? Ali: #4 good drugs, bad teeth Ali: the one who lowkey stalked me after and my brother had to smack him one Ali: good times, unexpected detour down memory lane there but got us some freebies so Marlene: It took 15 mins to get what you're owed, how long does he take over customers who aren't his stalked exes Marlene: bad business is what you should've called him Marlene: Or manners Ali: names are definitely open to workshopping Ali: he had to show me the scan pics, duh Marlene: Had to do the whole come on Marlene: fucking pig Ali: Bless Ali: have your fun whilst you still can, kid Marlene: not with my girlfriend Ali: don't worry babe, got the drugs for free free Ali: not suck my dick free Marlene: Are you gonna be here soon Marlene: I can still bring the car Ali: Yeah, I'll get a wriggle on Ali: 5 minutes if I run Marlene: If you don't run into any more exes first Ali: cities littered with 'em Marlene: If you didn't date men you could stay friends with them Ali: why would I wanna do that? Ali: I've seen your dyke drama, a no thank you Marlene: I don't have dyke drama Marlene: You're the one trying to avoid the awkward Ali: 😏 Ali: I don't care, its funny Ali: he wasn't that bad, really Ali: don't need to add every ex to my inner circle though, that's a madness Marlene: He stalked you Marlene: He's an asshole Ali: Not properly Ali: Just had issue letting go as fast as I did, who can blame him 😘 Marlene: It's not funny, Ali, it's fucked Ali: So serious 😾 Ali: It ain't like he locked me in his basement, I get to decide how fucked it was or wasn't Marlene: You get to brush it under the carpet too, doesn't make it right Ali: 🙄 you're as bad as my mother Marlene: maybe she's got a point Ali: Ugh, don't need to point score, she already likes ya, babe Ali: he's just a stupid kid, not fucking Bundy, yeah, let's chill Marlene: He doesn't have to be Bundy to be held accountable, babe Marlene: He's gonna be someone's dad Marlene: What the fuck Ali: for what? being a bit of a prick at 16 Ali: s'not a crime, last time I checked Marlene: it doesn't have to be Marlene: Lads think they can do whatever they want Marlene: They can't and shouldn't Ali: Nah, this isn't a soap box moment, babe Ali: we all do things we know are wrong, and ain't proud of Ali: 'cos of how we're feeling Ali: Honestly, not a big deal Ali: and not an exclusively male thing, that's a crock of shit Marlene: If I was heavy handed with one of my exes I'd get so much shit Marlene: He gets boys will be boys Marlene: It's not a big deal because you're making excuses for him Ali: From who? The lesbian mafia? Ali: Straight girls are INSANE Ali: way worse than #4 was ever Ali: I'm not gonna burn him at the stake for something I don't believe in Marlene: Straight girls are a whole other subject Marlene: Last I checked you didn't have any of them as exes so no really the point Ali: That you know of Marlene: I know about every one of your exes Ali: Okay, Liam Neeson Ali: can't be calling out stalkers when you're breathing down the phone like that 😂 Marlene: You're not funny Ali: I am though Ali: but I ain't coming over if you're gonna be such a downer Marlene: Are you serious? Marlene: Your jokes are so bad I can't tell Ali: Duh Ali: Killing my vibe, babe Marlene: You're basically here Ali: So? Ali: I can keep walking into this dark night Marlene: So come in Marlene: I'm sorry, baby Ali: You promise you're gonna stop being lame? Marlene: Cross my heart Ali: Okay, lemme in then